I use this analogy often…. If you break your leg, and the bone is sticking clear out of your skin…. would you wanna fix the leg, or only take pain meds so you don’t feel the pain? Obviously…. you fix whats causing the pain, not the pain itself. Pain is a symptom of a problem. Fix the problem, not the symptom. My 2 cents for what it’s worth.

There is no max out. They put a person on "cocktails"…several meds at time once the one pill routine doesn’t work anymore.

There is no max out?…. mmmk….. So, why would they need an additional pill if you cannot max out on one pill? Hmm… maybe to avoid the debilitating side effects of getting off the first pill?
Only as an absolute last resort, im in the same row as 2500 , a problem remains to be a problem till the end of time until you fix it,

problem solving > problem suppressors.
You’re just going to get a bunch of comments from people who aren’t qualified to talk about medication.

Unfortunately depending on the context of illness, we’re not always in control of our thoughts.

The best thing a person using medications for mental health can do is also enter therapy and visit their doctor regularly to work on improving mental health.

As far as people living well, that isn’t really the truth. The quality of life was much more difficult, the lifespan shorter, and pain and suffering related to mental health was taboo to discuss socially.

Medications will always have a place, but until therapy becomes more socially acceptable, and easier to aquire, people will turn to medications which are often cheaper to pay for with medical insurance than therapy. More insurance companies cover medications over therapy, and on average medications are cheaper than the standard 70-120 hourly fee for therapy, which must be continued for weeks, months or even years to improve certain mental health conditions.

Some medications must be increased over time, and so do not. For example I’m on Wellbutrin, but I’m also on Ativan. I use both in a chronic fashion, thus I’ve been on them for years.

The Wellbutrin doesn’t change, but the Ativan does. The body adapts over years to the Ativan, and eventually you reach a point where you have no choice but to begin going backwards to slowly get off it, then another medications must be used eventually.

Another important aspect of your analogy is that should a person break their leg, pain medications should in-fact be given to suppress symptoms in order to attempt to improve the person’s quality of life, while surgical, or manipulative techniques are used to stabilize, and aid the correct healing of the injury.

Thus, therapy in conjunction with medical care, as well as medication intervention are often just as important in some mental health cases as is pain medication to a physical injury.

The issue is quality of life, not attempting to mask symptoms, but people are often unaware of their options and what they should do because care providers often assume the patient should just know this logical sequence of care. The best care providers hold your hand when dealing with sending you to specialists and communicating in simple terms what they’re attempting to do to help you.

If you decide to not do your homework and you just go out and buy the first car you see, it’s hit or miss. You might buy a Honday Accord and end up with solid reliable transportation, or you might buy a 1986 Lebaron and end up breaking down constantly. It’s always your fault and your responsibility for the consequence of choosing or accepting to see bad doctors, even if you don’t know your options.

I seems unfair. I’ve been there. However that’s moving way offtopic, so getting back to the main point. Medications have their place for mental health, and in other cases they should not be used immediately.

I’ll quote myself metallic. Yeah, maybe the "pain meds" are OK while you’re having your "leg" fixed, but to me, the drugs in question for the OP are being used as a "magic pill" not something to help while he goes to therapy or counseling.
He hasn’t explained any other treatment he’s been on, so I haven’t assumed.

i agree with this, but i think there are some rare cases where its needed, but doctors just give this stuff out like its candy.
I’m not in any way qualified to speak intelligently on the matter, but in my experience I’ve found that it’s not always the best way to go. I live with someone that takes a big drug cocktail for this sort of thing daily and from what I can see it does him no good. I’ve known him for a good 8 years now too so I know what he was like before. He sleeps until its dark out every day and when he actually is awake he just sits in front of his computer until he goes back to sleep.

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the place i am moving too is about 45kms away from where i currently live, and i think that is the main factor in me feeling a little upset with it all.
I am moving there because it is pretty much all i can afford, and will be able to afford at least for the next two years whilst i finish my course at uni.

i feel i am too old to be living at home, and would like to move out, but i am a little disheartened it is a little far away.

am i a loser for feeling like this?
I was 26. But I went from living with mom, to home owner. I live in the sticks, so moving out early wasn’t a financial option for me, unless I wanted to start over somewhere closer to a city. Fuck that. I was never home anyway, just to sleep really.
Dude, comn now. We’re talking about approximately 25 miles here.

At the very worst it’d take you 45 minutes to get home.

I don’t mean to be unsupportive, because I think you’re going to love being on your own, but man, it’s only 25 miles.
Oh shit, I just noticed your location.

I knew another foreign guy who once told me that they didn’t travel around too much where he was from. Is that the case here? Because here in America, 25 miles is like the MINIMUM distance I want to get away from my parents house.
I moved out permanently at 23 and it was the best thing that I had ever done.
It really is all determined by what you want, if you really think its time, and if you are really happy and standing behind your decision then id say go for it. Don’t worry to much, only losers would call other people losers, what matters is that you support yourself in the decisions that you make in your life.

Yes it is quite overwelming, but its something you always had with you, namely your own life that always belonged to you. You give support to the direction to your own life that you want to go forward to.
im not gonna lie, i still live in my parents basement, however. i managed to save almost half my salary last year to put towards a house.

living @ home is great if you can…. bu tman i gotta move out. i miss living on my own (@ collegE)
I moved out when I was 18, I’m 21 now. I only moved because I hated the city my parents lived in [Vegas] if my parents lived here, I would probably move back in with them to save money.

You need to stay home until you finish school. Then get a good job and you will be able to afford a nice place. Trust me, i’m a girl and I don’t consider a guy a loser for living with his parents because at least he’s in school. I’m 23 btw.
I’m turning 26 in two weeks and I’m finally moving out this year. I spent the last couple years saving up money to buy a home. I too am a little overwhelmed but its something I really want to do and can’t wait for it to happen. Finding the right place for the right money is the hard part.
I moved out at 23 and I went from home to 700 miles away, alone.

I’ve worked farther than 25 miles from my house, lol. It really isn’t that far at all. I think once you get out there, and see you can be home in like, 30 min, you’ll realize it really isn’t that far at all. I have a 9 hour drive every time I wanna go home, so consider yourself lucky.
do you have transportation?

i couldn’t wait to move out. when i turned 18, i was gone. with that said, my family lives about 20 miles away, so i still see them on the weekends.

just like i can visit them on the weekends, you can too as well (your family, not mine, of course). whenever you start to miss them, pay them a visit. over time, you won’t feel as overwhelmed about living on your own. granted, this will prove to be more difficult if you don’t have your own transportation, but it’s still doable.

you shouldn’t feel like a loser since there’s nothing wrong with how you feel.

i got my own apartment now with my friend and its definitely got its perks. I moved out when i was 21.

but, i sure miss being at home though. i wouldnt mind moving back in with my folks if i could, i’d save my money to get out of debt and save up for a condo at least.

one definite thing i noticed though is that ive had a much better relationship with my family that we dont live under the same roof.

no no, not really like that here… but it means i would be moving from inner suburbs to a like on of those new satellite suburbs

well firstly,

i am a girl

secondly,
this is my third uni degree (and i know what i want to study next) … so to me it is a little impractical to wait until i finish uni because I love study and planning on a PhD…
also..
i want to say thanks to all of you for your responses

i really appreciate it
I just moved out of my parents basement right after christmas, and it was the single best thing I could have ever done, its ~30miles from my folks, so I still see them when I need laundry done, but that is about it.

I work ~40 hours a week while attending classes at college, slowly getting my degree. But I have lost weight, I am getting out a lot more and meeting more people, and its great to not have to bring friends home to mom and dads at 20yrs old.
Im jealous of you cause I want to move out asap… and I’m 22

Alas I’m unemployed, so…
Let me tell you something about living at home. I’m 24, and I moved out for a year for college at 18, then again after I graduated college for another year. I moved back last fall. I paid rent to a really good friend of mine for that year, but at the end of it, I had absolutely nothing to show for the money. There is NOTHING wrong with living with your parents if its a good environment. Going from living with your parents to owning a home has to be one of the biggest financial slam-dunks you can ever make. You’re not a loser for not pissing away 20% of your income for several years on paying rent; you’re someone that has some financial savvy and respect for money.
I moved out last month (im 22) and I cant say I have ever been happier.. I didnt have a very good relationship with my parents though.. I got kicked out because I bought an expensive car that "a kid in college doesnt deserve" ….I dont think any girl will call you a loser for living at home, but you prob cant bring her home and do the deed (most parents dont approve of that)
No you’re not a loser for feeling that way. Moving out of the nest is a huge step.

oh i had my own apt (by myself) for 2 years, lived in a home with 4 guys for a year, lived in an apt for with 3 others for a year and lived in the dorms…. so its not like i just lived @ home…..

Most guys I know who stay at home "to save money to buy a nice place" end up not saving money, and not buying a nice place.

They never learn the value of money, some make great cash but spend it on useless toys, like cars rims and such.

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Yeah sorry. Just really busy.

Basically I’m tired of doing everything planning wise and doing all of the driving. She doesn’t have a car and doesn’t seem to want to get, yet she can drop $700 on a coach bag and buy expensive stuff for her friend that never buys her anything. More to the point here is that her solution is that we should hang out as much anymore. Right now we hang out about 6 days a week and I’m cool with that besides the driving. To me it feels like a cop out. I really don’t know what to do here.

Relationship Cliffs:
- I’m 21, she’s 19.
-Been dating 1.5 years now.
-Not living together, though it would help.
You’re really really young. I know right now that doesn’t matter in your head, but trust me. In a year you should look back on this laughing because you should never be with a stupid, young, immature girl who puts $700 Coach purses ahead of you and your relationship.

Sounds also like you have no life besides her. Hanging out 6 times a week and you are doing all the driving? Dude, you’ve got to get a life, I mean that in the nicest way. Girls don’t want a guy who has nothing else going for him but his girlfriend; it’s not healthy or endearing.

She will most likely never ever learn, so my advice is to next time date a girl with a more responsible outlook on life and her money. You should never be the one doing all the work to make a relationship function well. Her lame cop out is her very pathetic way of breaking up with you because she’s just not that into you anymore, she just won’t come out and say that.

Move on. Stop talking to her completely, she’s not in love with you.

BTW, living together wouldn’t solve shit. You sound like those horrible marriages where they think having a baby would solve all their problems Be happy you DON’T live together because the fact of the matter is you have more interest in her than she does in you. Living together would only make her feel more suffocated by you and you two would crumble. Learn from this and move on to a girl who gives a damn about you. Have some respect for yourself.
She sounds lazy and very unappreciative of you being with her. She should spend more time on giving attention to you. Or in other words its one sided love only coming from your side, i think you are just a convienant ride for her rather then a soulmate, you see love has got to go both ways, giving and taking otherwhise a very unhealthy situation will emerge. Its ok to love someone but you have to protect yourself, its not worth loving up till the point that it totally devestates your life.

You need to show that you have a life of your own to live, and although you’ll probably love her till the end of time which is perfectly fine, you have to come to the conclusion that you need a partner who is there for you mentally as well as physically supporting you, you have to be there for eachother, and she’s mentally not mature or willing to spend that kind of quality time together with you.

You need to stand up for yourself and tell her these things, after that you ‘might’ give it a month to see if things change, if they don’t then you have to draw your conclusions and step out of this unhealthy relationship.
Where does a 19 year old get $700 to spend on a purse?

1. Mommy & daddy
2. Saving up all their money from working. When you don’t have a car or bills to pay it can be possible.

you can do something.

When you get a break, call her, tell her "we’re done’.

You’ll have done something…ended a horrible relationship with a lazy little girl.

Absolutely no point in staying in a relationship at this age if you’re not getting what you want out of it.

That’s the thing, is we both do have lives outside of each other it jsut happens that our work schedule ends up allowing us to hang out a few hours every night.

Well the thing is that living together would make things a bit easier. Public transportation make it easy for her to get around with out a car there really is no point to her having one. I mean I would not have to do so much driving, but I’m not going to send her home at midnight on a bus.

Its not that she doesn’t love me or do anything for me, I just get highly annoyed when I have to re-arrange my week so I can maximize time with her. She is one of the most caring loving girls I’ve ever met or been with, sometimes I can’t do everything and she doesn’t seem to pick up on this and it is annoying at times.

This is pretty much what I told her. I went over there right after work to sort things out and that’s pretty much what we did. I found out something, that I don’t know if it is good or bad, but basically she hates making me sad so she is giving up time with friends who in the end get mad at her. Her cousin, who is a immature wanna be whore, has issues with me and my girlfriend because except for this we’ve always been somewhat perfect and she always get shitted on when it comes to relationships. Then again the cousin always sets herself up for it because she likes to play games.

Basically she is guilt tripping the g/f into feeling bad. Tonight she was making my girlfriend cry because she told her she couldn’t hang out because she had to sort things out with me. After finding all of this out, we talked about a lot of things including ending things, spending time apart, or trying to start over again. What it basically came down to was lack of communication and her being afraid to make me sad. We’ve decided to take things slow for now and build on this and see where it goes. Like suggested, I’ve given myself, not her, a dead line to where I should see improvements or I’m out.

Same place I got money to buy a new computer and car when I was younger. Its not hard, but she should of saved up for a car. We talked about this too and I went through a lot of things with her and it would be stupid for her to buy a car, but it was also very stupid of her to buy that purse and she knows it. I’ve got her saving money now every week, which I guess is a start of improvement on things.

You’re so in denial it’s amazing. You’re not her chauffeur, I don’t care how much you love her-it’s not your job to drive her everywhere. The idea that moving in together because it would be easier for transportation? Wow, that’s a new low in horrible and ridiculous reasons to live with someone. At 21 and 19 you two are not ready. You’d just move in together and things woyuld fall apart because your relationship isn’t solid enough living apart.

You do realize she is technically using you for your transportation, right? Even if she’s not asking for it and you are offering it all the time she knows it’s readily avaliable to her. I didn’t expect you to see the light, you’re too far in. But it’s sad to see how jaded you are in this.

Her cousin and other friends don’t like you, they will eventually try to wear her down and get her to leave you. She most likely has a different view of you just because of that, otherwise she’d tell them to fuck off.

Giving you two a time limit/ultimatum is a sign of the end, just so you know. And I’m willing to bet at the end of this "time limit" when she’s still not acting ANY better you’ll still stay with her and justify her actions, amirite?

It’s not like she ask me to take her everywhere, just when hang out I have to go get her and take her home. If she wants to go shopping she does and gets there by herself. I mean I’ll take her somewhere if it is an emergence, but I never really drive her around to where she wants to go. I mean basically she gets off work, waits for me to get off work then we either go to my apartment or her parents house. That is pretty much 90% of my driving with her.

Her other friends love me and tell me all the time how good we are for each other. Its just her dipshit cousin who has no friends what so ever that has issues with the amount of time we spend together.

Well as of now there is no time line, we are spending time apart to see what will happen.

Just get out now. She’s not making any effort to contribute to the relationship in anything other than a passive manner. This is not something you give someone time to improve on…this is something that has to be there from the start.
Well, this sucks and is total fucking hell. I have no one to talk to and no one to cope with. I really hate my life right now.

Red flag. Materialistic girls ftl.

Just as I thought. She’s your everything.

Girls don’t like a guy who has nothing going for him in life other than his gf. You need to get a life man. Get out, make friends, try new hobbies, work out. Fill your time with something other than her and thoughts of her.
If you honestly want to talk to someone, you can call me up anytime of the day… unless of course I’m asleep and totally knocked out

You remind me of a friend. His current relationship is somewhat similar to yours in the way the the GF doesn’t have a mode of transportation, has a minimum wage job and works only 8 hours a week and relies on my friends to do everything.

Yes, they live together.

Yes, he’s happy.

Yes, he’s in denial.

They spend about $300 a month because they eat out constantly. She doesn’t want to cook, he doesn’t want to cook, and well, he pays for everything. He pays for the rent, the groceries (when they have some), the gas. He’s the one with the car and it’s a shitty car with shitty gas mileage (one of those shitty Crown Victoria’s).

He’s digging himself a hole, and she’s plain lazy. But … I guess he loves her, eh?

Take a step back and evaluate the relationship. What would you say to a friend if they were in the same situation that you’re in?

IMO, if she believes that a COACH purse comes before you, don’t make it so that she’s right. You should come before anything else. If you let her walk on you like that, she’s only going to keep on doing it.

I do have a life outside of her, it just most of the guys I’m friends with would give me the look if I started talking to them about it. Plus my family is in the Grand Cannon right now so I can’t call them. Just sucked laying in bed thinking about everything last night.

Not to defend her or anything, but we don’t eat out that much and actually cook together so we could learn to cook. With her we kept doing that 50/50 pay for things 100% of the time, hell she was the first girl that even gave me gas money with out asking.

Just because she was the first girl to give you gas money doesn’t really mean anything in the overall picture of things.

To me, it just sounds like she would rather have her money spent on materialistic things then be in a relationship with you.

If she’s being more distant with you because of what other people think of your relationship then she’s being immature and just bringing drama in. Who cares about what other people think? Sure, the cousin that always ends up in a bad relationship should be pitied but honestly, that’s her own fucking fault for choosing the wrong guys.

Your GF shouldn’t be punished by her "friends" or relatives because she’s with you. And if she allows them to do this to her then this is her own fault, and her own making. She has a choice to listen to them or not and honesty… that $700 on that purse could of honestly been saved for a decent car that is cheap and has great gas mileage.

If you still want the relationship to work then you might as well compromise with her and say, "OK, we’ll hang out 4 days a week" instead of your usual 6 or something.

Great, you have friends. and DON’T talk about your girlfriend. I don’t blame them for not wanting to hear you whine about her and your failing relationship man, can you blame them? They are your "friends," you should be hanging out with them to STOP thinking about her and not hanging out in bed crying about how you are lonely.

I pretty much told her what I though about her cousin using her and shit. I don’t think she liked that, but I had to be honest. I told her if she wants things to change she has to do it. That was pretty much it.

That’s the plan, but it just sucked last night not having anyone to vent too.

It doesn’t matter if she liked the truth or not. And you are right, if she wants change, she has to do it for her, not you.

You’re pretty much asking for drama here.

How so?

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A. I have to be attracted to them.
B. They have to have their own mode of transportation.
C. They have to have their finances in order. (good job)
D. If not, i’ll take someone in school who is trying to get a good job.
E. Mid 20s-Early 30s
F. Has to like and want kids
G. Not an ass-hole
H. Takes me for what I am worth and treats me with respect.

Guy that fits this criteria where are you???

nowhere! you just need to settle!

honestly, "A" is the most important. the guy can have all those other qualities, but if they don’t have "A" it won’t matter. then again, they may only have "A" going for them and you still may give them a chance (which is where those cheaters, psychos, marriend men come into play).

if those are the only type of guys you end up with, then it may be you. either those other qualities are not that important to you or you think you can change the guy to have those qualities. if they were that important you’d cut them loose once they don’t fit the criteria.

if you do, then and, um, keep looking, they are out there, i think.
I would actually like to chime in here:

A.) Awesome! Glad you put this first. Most people will tell you "oh, he doesn’t have to look good, I’ll give him a chance." BS! I know one thing for sure, if I am not attracted to a girl right from the start, I won’t bother. I’m glad to see a girl pretty much say the same thing.

B.) LOL, nice! I don’t blame you one bit there. Most of those who don’t.. well, frankly, girls see them as losers.

C.) Finances in order, check. Define good job. You want them to be a doctor, lawyer, business owner? Or would you be set with someone who has been around their current job for many years and make anywhere in the 50-80K range? If you are going for the high paying ones, might want to set your standards a little lower and not worry about what one makes. There are some great people out there who don’t need these kind of jobs to make themselves and others around them happy.

D.) Glad to hear this, but keep in mind that the younger ones will probably still want to party a lot.

E.) Not a bad age range. How old are you again?

F.) I wouldn’t push this issue with a guy right off the bat

G.) LOL, nice. So you want a "nice guy"? Haha

H.) We all want this, men and women alike.

I would also like to add, while being friends with someone first is a good thing, most normal guys don’t want this. A guy that is interested in you, does not want to be a guy who is a friend listening to you tell him what other guy you are going out with, dating, etc. It’s a turn off. A guy will want to date you first, and develop the friendship while in the dating stage.
Looking for the same thing in a female but alas no luck so far but I keep trying.

.

Too many whores and psycho’s out there.
I know how you feel. I’m the guy about whom everyone asks "how can he have such bad luck with women/be consistently unsuccessful? Oh, I know, he must be gay." It’s tough feeling like you have everything together but seeing everyone around you have much more success in relationships
Clarifying a few things:

Im not looking for a doctor or lawyer just someone who makes enough to support themselves and have decent credit. Im not trying to change a shitty guy into a good guy. If he is shitty he can stay that way and I don’t need to be with him, I do cut them loose if they don’t fit the criteria. I have thought of maybe it is me. If so WTF, do I have a neon sign that says "Bums im available"??? I am 23, and yes, I do have a child. Any guy who is not ok with me having a child does not deserve my time, and I am well worth with. Also, I am in Houston.

Women always say this. What you want and what you "think" you want is a whole other story. If nobody wants an asshole then why are there so many assholes out there? The men have become something women want and attract to. Who want to be an asshole for the sake of being an asshole?
I think most guys are just thrown off by single mothers. Not many guys that you describe will be willing to get involved with a woman knowing it is an "instant family".

But there are guys out there that are cool with it so you always have hope.

I’ve always believed that attraction is not a choice, and guys that are assholes or bums just are good at displaying the traits that women are most attracted to. Nice guys or guys that fit your criteria are usually less experienced at talking to women and have less confidence in attracting women, which is why women usually find themselves falling for the "bad boy" losers. Not to mention nice guys are usually boring to women which is not what a woman wants.
The problem isn’t with you its just the fact that you attract and or are attracted to the wrong types of guys. What can you do about it? Not much you just have to keep trying and weed through the guys you don’t want. Eventually you’ll run into one you want but don’t expect it to happen tomorrow. I’ve been in the same boat for a while and I get down about it sometimes myself but in the end I stand up dust myself off and just live my life and try again.

I’ll admit it. Right now I’m lonely as hell but I’ve also got a ton of things that are currently more important like buying a house and moving out. So thats my top priority right now. All I’m trying to say is that focus on the important things in your life and the right relationship will come along so long as you are open to it.
I mean this with no disrespect.

I’ve learned from my experiences that 100% of the time when a woman tells you what she wants, she means the exact opposite.
Oh I forgot… another theory I have is what I call the "Soap Opera" theory. A lot of women love watching soap operas and most men hate it. (At least that is what I remember about them growing up)

I always tried to figure out why women love soap operas so much that I came up with a theory that women just are attracted to drama because it arouses thier emotions and makes them feel alive. I think that women subconsciously want drama in thier lives like the drama that is seen in soap operas so they become attracted to unstable losers that will undoubtedly bring a level of drama into thier lives.

You can flame me for this but it is just a theory and isn’t fact.

No, I have that same theory. But its not just women, some people have lived with drama their entire lives and can’t seem to live without it. If everything is going right in their lives and seems unsettling so they create drama for themselves. Its called self sabotage.

Trust me when I say I don’t want the exact opposite of what I have listed above.

that may very well be it. as you can see, the type of guy you’re looking for is "rare" and a highly valued commodity. just like the beautiful woman that has her pick of men, this type of guy has the same priviledge. therefore, why go for you when he can go for another woman who has the same to offer in the way of looks, personality, and stability, but without a child?

no need to fret though, if you are everything you say you are, a guy will come along that has the qualities you seek and will have no issue with you having a child.

I have to agree. Just from personal experience with men and from threads posted on this forum, a lot of men don’t want to date a woman with a child already. You’re also somewhat young, so the age range of men you’re looking at is going to be looking for someone a bit older sans child.

I also agree that if you match up with your own criteria, it’ll happen eventually Have faith.

of course

‘

Seems like normal standards, don’t want to know what you accepted before that. Just curious you go to school right? I would assume so since you are looking for someone in school or good job.
I’d have to say *most* young, successful guys don’t want to be going out with a chick that has a child.
It may be one or several of these reasons.

1. There may be something about your personality that is attracting these types of guys. Some of these guys strategically pick their victims.

2. I’m assuming that you want a long term, serious relationship that have the potential for marriage. Having a child is going to be a con for you. Because of that, I think you are a lot more likely to find what you’re looking for if you date older men who are at least in their late twenties. They will fit your criteria more and you’ll be more compatible with them. You sound pretty mature w/a good head on your shoulders for your age..most men your age are still BSing around or they aren’t ready to fullly commit/settle down. Older men are also more willing and able to accept a child that is not biologically his.

3. Have you tried internet dating? You said that you’re never looking. That may be the problem..it’s time to start looking and the net is not a bad place. I know many people who met their mate through the net.

4. Your preferences are reasonable but don’t limit your options and keep an open mnd too. I never thought I’d date my bf due to a few things about him but in the end, I am so glad that I gave it a chance. You never know where you may find love.

i rarely give advice to females but i’ve seen this happen a lot

you may be getting your prospective boyfriends together with your child too soon

yes, we understand you are a package deal, but many guys are weirded out by having your child forced on them

wouldn’t it be better to get to know him 1-on-1 then if it looks a relationship is evolving, introduce the child into the equation?

the desperate weirdos will have no problem "playing daddy" from the get-go (and may even relish it), but the best candidates are going to be uncomfortable at best in that situation

If I were a single mom, it would be crucial for me to know early on if he truly is open to having a long term relationship with a single mother and can accept my child. I wouldn’t want to waste my time with someone who is just in it for the ride. I wouldn’t hide my child from him but I also wouldn’t allow my child to establish a relationship with a boyfriend unless we’ve been committed and stable for at least a couple of months. It’s not a good idea if you aren’t sure about the direction of the relationship. It’ll be hard on the child if a strong bond is formed and the relationship ends. And YES..it can scare a guy off if you expect him to play daddy from the get go.

So what is it about you that’s attracting them. Can’t change them, right — so what are you doing or not doing that’s allowing them to creep into your life?

Maybe that’s your problem, maybe you ought to be selecting a pick from the pack rather than letting them come along to you. Maybe you ought to find a good guy in a good environment, rather than through the typical places where you’ve been meeting these others.

Even the losers show signs, red flags are everywhere, just like with women. Alcoholic past or present/family with alcholics or addiction problems, psychiatric problems/psychological, cheated in past, arrogant, rude, gossips, needy, overly-possessive, easily irritated, talks about ex a lot, had an abusive relationship with an ex (or was abused by ex), talks about ex immediately upon the first few meetings, seems "too" good to be true inspite of his "poor me, I was a victim but I have overcome" past. Abused as a child, has drug problems (or did), has been to prison, or been arrested more than once. Has DUI’s, overly aggressive in courting you/getting to bed, claims to be a "nice guy" off-topic without you having said so first. Confuses you, Only talks about himself, Poor listener, slick talking/too nice — tries to do a lot of favors, tries to buy you and spends more than you know he should, racist, liars, treats women like objects, or talks about them as objects. Makes you pay for him on first date, doesn’t consider splitting the bill at least. Always wants to drive whereever you go. Get’s angry with other people a lot, has a temper (maybe not with you right away).

These are some red flags, some are directly aimed at you or affect you, some seem harmless but really are signs of a cracking foundation. There are hundreds more. Having one, two or even more of these qualities doesn’t make someone a loser, it’s more about the context. If you see the red flags but "feel" something could go wrong or is — ditch them.

Now all you have to do is pick those qualities while excluding those with the intolerable red flags. What is intolerable to one person isn’t that bad to someone else, so you have to decide where you stand. Sitting on the fence is a waste of your time.

Uh, those sort of seem really obvious, they don’t even need to be said. You need to start choosing, instead of leaving the control in the hands of those who come to you. Start looking for fault lines, keep your guard up. If someone hits one of the "big" red flags you’ve designated, you know what to do.

I actually took some initiative and gave my number to a jui jitsu instructor. I’ve never just given out my number like that. I’ve always been asked.

actually I’m not bringing my child around anyone I’m not super serious with. Granted they know I have a child but unless were serious about each other I don’t want them around my child. I don’t need my son seeing all the men that come in and out of my life.

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