Been sleeping alot lately

and sex doesn’t feel as good. not as much sensation.

Are these normal effects? I’ve been on it for about 3 weeks. What do I do? oh by the way I cant talk to my dr. please dont ask why.
Well these are indeed the described side effects from prozac, drowsiness and fatigue. My question is why did you go from 10 to 20?

You might not be able to talk to your doctor about it, how about talking to another doctor? But anyway all anti-depressants can have side-effects. You might want to go back to a lower dose again, or change the type of anti-depressant you are taking.
Watch your sleep. If you can’t stay asleep/fall back asleep for normal periods you’ll be wiped out like you wouldn’t believe. Happened to me. Had to stop working because of it.

Keep an eye on your side effects – they can sneak up on you & really fuck things up. Potentially. Just keep paying attention & try to anticipate what’s coming next.
If you can’t talk to your doctor then you need a new doctor.

Ultimately, talking to your doctor and getting him to try different medications is the solution you are looking for.

There is NOTHING wrong with changing doctors. In the end, you have to be honest with your doctor. If you just don’t trust him or don’t get along with him then you need to kick him to the curb and find another.
You can’t rely entirely upon your doc for treatment options, tho. You have to know what you want & tell them what that is every visit or they’ll just ask you how you’re doing & put you back out the door.

Always give your doc feedback along with telling them what you WANT/NEED out of your treatment.

If your doc can’t respond adequately then they’re not working for you.
Go to a psychiatrist, not a doctor for depression meds. GP’s generally are clueless about them. psychiatrists deal with them all day, every day, and they know them well. I made that mistake for 3 years.

I’m on 80mg daily Prozac and 30 Buspar now and it seems like its just starting to have an effect on me- for the better.
Depression can sometimes be a symptom of something else. Looking beyond depression can sometimes yield more successful treatment.
Not to freak you out, but you should look up something called inorgasmia. A truly frightening side effect linked to many ssri’s. Most anti-anxiety and anti-depressants have sexual side effects. Kind of cruel joke, it’s like, ‘hey I feel great now! But suddenly I can’t orgasm or don’t ever want to have sex!’

Also, defiantely don’t ask a doctor about anxiety and depression. There’s no shame in going to a therapist. You want a specialist when it comes to matters of the mind. A doctor will only throw meds at you. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is HUGELY effective in treating this stuff. And then you can get off meds and have amazing sex again!

thats the problem it makes me want it less and it doesn’t feel as good. i feel like i get depressed more on the weekends then any other times.
I wonder why the weekends are worse? Maybe you have time to sit and think/worry too much? Don’t fall into the trap of believing that if you think it out enough you’ll suddenly hear a "Eureka!" depression and anxiety grow with inactivity. This is coming from someone who knows all too well!
You can do it without meds. I weaned myself off of zanax, and it was very hard. But I did it, and my anxiety is way better than when I was on it. And I like sex again, which is huge.

Also remember that a big part of enjoying sex is having healthy self esteem. If you feel like crap about yourself, you won’t really want anyone to share that space w you.

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Its like sometimes I’ll have times when I’m afraid to talk to anyone because they will judge me and even when I force myself to talk to them I feel as if I’m not myself. I’ll sometimes be afraid to talk to my own parents because they will judge me or I won’t be up to their standards. Ive felt like this all day and I force my self to talk to people when my mind is telling me to just say "Go the fuck away I can’t talk to you right now because my mind is not in the right place and you are going to think I’m boring or weird". I will avoid my phone for days at a time because of this. Like right now I’ve been procrastinating to go to the gym because people I know go around this time and I’m absolutely terrified to talk to them right now. Sometimes making eye contact is actually painful to do but I force my self to do it anyways. I always have little self-conscious thought in my head, like "is she looking at me?", "Do they think the way I walk is weird?". Ive never came out with stuff like this any one because I’m afraid of looking like a pussy. I feel way bottled up.

But then sometimes I’ll feel amazing and want to talk to everyone. I just feel like I limit my true potential. I make all my friends around this time and make plans and everything but then I realize that I’m probably going to feel like shit again and want to tell everyone to fuck off again so I try to contain my self. Like I have this glass ceiling that I know what I want but I just can’t bring my mind to get me there. I try and figure out what triggers this and I can’t, some times I think its self confidence issues and when a girl acts nervous around me it boosts me up. Sometimes I think its my sinuses or overtraining in the gym.

As bad as it hurts me to admit it, I think I’m a manic depressant.

The past couple months Ive been contemplating seeing a shrink but I just can’t bring myself to be that self-degrading. Its like I get the thought of people looking at me in the therapists lobby and think "Look at that guy, all those expensive clothes and muscles yet hes a fucking wuss for being here". Ive come to the conclusion that my conscious compass is severely fucked up and I’m not quite sure when people are thinking bad thoughts about me are false or real. All I want to do is be able to feel comfortable around my own family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time.
Well I just smoked a cigar like a fucking boss watching movies in my jacuzzi. I’m starting over tommorrow and I’m just going to be my mother fucking gangster ass self.

Its exactly all this fucking faggot self loathing that I’m doing that is bringing me down when I have girls blowing up my fucking phone and I’m not picking up because "I’m afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing". Fuck that.

Lick my ass everybody, I’m going out on top.
Doesn’t sound to me like you have bipolar disorder. Have you pretty much had a hard time being around people because of your fear of being judge?
How do you feel in your close relationships (friends, girlfriends)?

Well I’ve had bestfriends ever since I was a young lad so maybe thats the problem. I always had someone I would go to but as a kid I would lie about everything and even through high school some. I figured since I had nothing to talk about I would lie about stuff to get other peoples approval but as I got older I figured this wasn’t the way to get friends at all.

As of right now it just feels extremely awkward to be around my best-friend but at the same time we kind of say we are best friends just to say that. I honestly deep down inside want to just get him the fuck out of my life but for some reason I still am attached to him no matter what, every conversation Ive had with him is extremely weird and boring and I find myself talking just to talk.

Girls I can make good friends with but then I never pursue the friendship because I feel as if they are going to find out that I’m really actually boring and have nothing to talk about so I pretend like I don’t want to talk to them and for some odd reason this just makes them want to talk to me more. I hate it when I girl tells me that she loves me or gives me a compliment because as stupid as it sounds I feel extremely vulnerable.

Also the majority of the time I feel as if girls only like me for good looks and style rather then the real me. I feel as if no one on earth knows the real me and it makes me feel extremely lonely.
I can relate to bits and pieces of your posts.

I would start seeing a therapist asap, it really can do wonders.

I hope you get that because you think you’re not worth it, you present yourself as someone you’re not really and thus people don’t really get to know you.

I think you should see a psychologist though. My uneducated guess would be something along the lines of an avoidant personality disorder :
But yeah, see someone, you’d benefit from it.

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I’ve already made an appointment to see a psychiatrist (potential prescription) for the first time in my life coming this Tuesday around noon.

Primary reasons: laziness & occasional stupidity. These two things constantly give me problems. I logically understand that I need to correct em, but when it comes down to it, I fumble and fuck up.

I quit my last job at the end of July because I was about to get fired. I had that job for 4 months, the job before that, 2 months, job before that, 2 months…. I usually hold onto a job between 2-6 months. Best way I can explain it, is that my mind cares, but my body doesn’t.

I procrastinate heavily when waking up, extremely tired, regardless of how much sleep I get, which constantly gets me in trouble for being late.

I seem to not know what to do at work at times, causing me to constantly seek help from coworkers and superiors as well as going slow. I don’t think myself as stupid, but at times I don’t know how else to describe it.

College classes I’ve failed, English I & II, Art Appreciation, Humanities, Intro to Ethics. I currently have only 30 college credits. I retook all but one of these classes and barely passed em. The only explanation I can think of, is that it bores the shit out of me, preventing me from focusing on it, more importantly I’m too lazy to try.

No friends, never socialized with the opposite sex. Failed my junior year of high school intentionally after finally noticing that primary education is not perpetual and not knowing what I was going to do after high school (I graduated on time[many summer school classes]). Most depressing moment which may be a bit obvious – 4 months Marine Corps Boot Camp. I’m of Ethiopian descent, 6’5", 185lbs. God I made such a mistake joining the Marine Reserves. I should have committed to college instead. Being so skinny and not having an aesthetically pleasing American face contributes to myself not having confidence or self-esteem.

I understand logically what is wrong with me, but do not have the willpower to correct myself when action is necessary. I can not move forward in life until I figure out how to get past this obstacle.
Sounds like a textbook case of depression with a dash of ADD. You need help with your self-image as well. The only reason i know this is that the first 25 years of my life were exactly the same as you describe.

You need to accept the fact that you DESERVE to succeed and be content. You’ll learn to stop sabotaging you potential successes. Your therapist and maybe some meds will help you get there. Keep your chin up. It’ll be alright.
Correction, my appointment will be on the 2nd, which is a Thursday.

And I didn’t expect that response, I was expecting trolling.

trolling is kept to a minimum in the Asylum.

I agree with Schadenfreude1, sounds a LOT like a combination of ADD and Depression. Good news is, you can get treatment and you can start to turn this around.

You also need to start socializing. Human’s are social creatures and being a recluse/anti-social/hermit are NOT normal human behaviors. It’s important for humans to have contact with other humans. This will in turn help boost your self-image and self-esteem, both of which seem to be non-existant atm.

Go to your appointment, be frank, honest and open with the Doctor. Hiding anything is not going to assist you in this matter. Good luck!

What’s their limit ?? They are humans too, and regardless of their job, I’m sure there’s only so much of a sob story they can take before they resent it or get bored.

Just keep it honest and make sure they know what you want out of life. You choose the therapist, they don’t choose you. If you genuinely aren’t making a connection with the person, fuck ‘em and get another.

You sound a lot like me. I start shit all the time that I never finish. You should finish things more often. Keep true to yourself and finish the goal. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better about yourself by doing this. You’ll feel capable and find the next thing easier than before.

Keep going!
Crap. I made a mistake again. My appointment is today, not Thursday. I was right the first time. My fault for not writing it down. I got lucky. My father woke me up this morning. My appointment is in 2 hours. It took me a month to schedule this. Would have sucked if I missed it.
Mother fucker. They told me to come back in three weeks for a prescription. The nurse beside the doctor was surprised I didn’t get medication. I can only assume that thought I wasn’t being genuine and just trying to get ‘high’. They want me to get an EKG and get some blood work done. The nurse hinted that if I get this done soon I can come back earlier than 3 weeks, but I don’t think that’ll happen. I think the EKG is just for their partners to get some cash. I got an EKG a few years ago, but they said I still need another one. I’m in excellent physical condition, including blood pressure, no surgeries, etc. Fuckin 3 weeks. on the 23rd of October. They said they want to give me some new ADHD medication that works for 13-16 hours, works ‘miracles’. I don’t think I’ll try finding another job till I get that medication.
Don’t be so reliant on medication thinking it will be the cure all. Use it as a method of last resort as some of them can have some nasty side effects. As other have pointed out, it seems like you have a self image issue with a side of ADD. While medication can help, a lot of it will still be in your head. You have to get over the fact that some people may not like you or the way you look, but who gives a shit? Learn to be happy with yourself and with some treatment of the ADD, you could grow well.
Maybe they put your appointment off because you were so hungry for medication? You sound like the medication will make you all better and fix everything.
You need to take control of your life and body and if you need medication have it be a small part of the healing process

I just told them my issues. They suggested it. I did conflict with them when I said, I wasn’t a hyper person – ADHD. And I also asked them if it would help with my laziness, they said it would give me a side effect of ‘spunk’. I’m extremely skinny and I think they were worried about that as well, and perhaps that I knew what ADHD meant. EDIT: Oh, and I had a tendency not to look the doctor in the eye, which is normal for me, but might have given him the sense that I was lying about stuff.

I won’t know what effect it has, till I try it.

The main problems I have is attention and laziness.

And sometimes that is just because you are a lazy person with little respect for what you are doing.

I know a few people who lack drive. They just can’t seem to get the motivation to do anything and end up just wasting their life away. Would I call them depressed? No. Would I call them selfish, lazy and childlike? Yes!
What would I prescribe? A swift kick up the arse and for them to be told to grow the fuck up and realise you’re not a child any more and you have responsibilities.

Who knows where your symptoms come from. But waiting for drugs so you can fix yourself is not the answer and just proves that you have no desire to better yourself as a human but you want to get prescribes pills so you have an excuse to be lazy. "It’s not my fault…. it’s my body – see I have to take pills and everything, it’s not my fault"
I tell myself, I don’t want to live with my father at 24 years old, I don’t want to keep quitting jobs, I don’t want to keep getting fired from jobs, I don’t want to be late to work, I want to do good at work, I want to keep a job, I want to get to work on time, I want to pass my classes, I want a secondary education, I want to succeed, I want to advance my life, I want to have friends, I want to be normal, I don’t want to fuck up, I don’t want to think of myself as a worthless piece of shit, I want to stop posting about this shit, I want, I want, I want, I want….

But when it comes to it, what I want for my future, both the immediate and far future, nothing compares to the present. I still fuck up, I’m still late to work, blah blah blah. I’m stuck in life. I know it, but…. I honestly don’t know what to say at this point. I can’t rationalize with myself why I can’t correct myself, why I don’t have the proper motivation, the willpower needed to correct my faults. OT may be right. I ‘just’ need to correct myself. I notice, with laziness, I just care about the fact that I’m tired when I wake up and all that wishful thinking is a load of crap.

Going through Marine Corps Boot Camp (Reserve) and other training hasn’t done shit for me. I regret joining. Perhaps what I needed was a good beating. I’ve thought of that. Meh. I honestly have no explanation to give myself that makes sense. The only assumption I have seems to go against OT’s ‘expert’ advice.

Only one thing left to do….
Have you looked at your diet? If your body is lacking in essential vitamins and minerals it won’t work properly.

What about a simple trip to the local GP? Maybe get your iron levels tested?
A nurse told me to try insure, which I can get a wal-mart, some drink.

Aside from an EKG, they want some blood work from me. I remember they also said they wanted to check my adrenaline levels. This paper work I have says for the diagnostic lab to do:

Comprehensive metabolic panel
CBC with differential & platelets
UA with reflex to microscope
TSH with reflex, T-4, Free
lipid panel

I have no idea what any of that stuff is.
I finally did the blood work and EKG. They looked at my EKG said I might have pericarditis. I got checked out again with an EKG. Doctor said since I don’t have bad aches, I probably don’t have it. I hope this doesn’t affect any likelihood of receiving ‘help’ from my psychiatrist’s office.

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I also feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. I used to be a hard-working, warm and helpful person. Now I feel like I’m very cold and apathetic towards other people and I have no motivation to accomplish anything.

I’m a college freshman and people keep telling me to take classes I’m interested in and then pick your major from those. But the classes I’m interested in are all full of fail after school. I want to make pretty good money but it seems like I’m bad at any subject which leads to good money. Plus I feel like the other classes I’m interested in are just fleeting interests that I wouldn’t want to go beyond the introduction class. I guess I’ll see but nothing has ever struck me as a passion. Plus I feel like I wouldn’t really be doing something for society or the world.
Are you worrying about school? Or just life in general?

I’ve gone through the exact same feelings you’re having for a long time. I finally decided to turn things around and started to see a therapist. My worrying stems from my childhood and my parents divorce. Its crazy, that 11 years later its still affecting my life. Its hard to describe, but its amazing what can come out of therapy

It wouldn’t hurt even to see a counselor at school to give you some different options.

School is part of the worrying but it’s a lot of different things in general. Mostly it’s worry about what I should be doing right now. Like I keep trying to plan things out far too much and keep creating these "systems" for doing things. I also worry that I’ll be lonely later in life, that I won’t be happy, etc. My biggest thing is that I can’t find anything that I enjoy doing anymore. Everyday is just boredom. And yes, I have tried out a lot of different things to see if something brings me out of this funk and nothing has worked. I think it’s partly to do with the anxiety that I feel because that is blocking all my other emotions? I KNOW what I need to do which is to just stop worrying and let things come naturally, but that’s nearly impossible, it’s like there’s some wall that stops me from doing this. I’ll just keep worrying.
Sounds like you stole a page from my life. Are you depressed? I’ve always been told that worrying is a self esteem issue.

I can’t offer much advice except for to see a therapist. I’ve worried about anything and everything since I was 12 (23 now). I know exactly how you feel, its not something you can just snap out of and its mentally exhausting.

Did your therapy help you?

It’s mind blowing. I’ve learned a lot about why I think the way I do because of my childhood/parents. I won’t go into detail because everyone’s case is going to be different.

Every time I leave her office I feel that much better about myself and the future.
I am going to look into making an appointment when I get back to school but we’re on Fall break right now.

Although I think I might have realized the source of my issues. I’ve always felt like I’ve kind of been "ignored" for a lot of my life by my peers. I never seemed to really excel in anything. I started getting this idea in my head that I need to start doing something RIGHT now so that I will make something of myself. And not just something like getting high grades, something bigger and better like being the best at something. So I’ve spent countless nights just rummaging my brain for ideas on where to begin. I’ve searched and sifted through thousands of web pages. It’s like I feel I need to "show up" all the people who I used to know. I want to make them feel jealous of me. I know this is irrational but I can’t get this idea out of my head. I think this caused me to just start thinking far too much and worrying about everything. I still am constantly thinking that I need to plan out everything now. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this, but it’s like there’s a wall or barrier that just won’t let me change the way I view things.

I used to just work hard in school, then come home, eat dinner, do my homework and play games with friends or something like that. No other worries. I can’t do that anymore (well, my schedule is a bit different now that I’m in college). I started worrying about the time I was in 8th grade. As I said, it started off with the whole I need to do something now to make myself known to the world idea but it’s branched off now into things like Who do I want to be? What hobbies should I have? What major should I be? How can I be happy? Will I be lonely forever? etc. I still am constantly worrying and would love it if I could just forget all of these worries and just enjoy things. But I simply can’t.

Fuck, I really need to see someone about this. Maybe I need medication to break down the barrier?
Do you ever try writing down all the thoughts? Like just sitting down at the computer and typing everything (or actually writing if you like doing that) that comes to your mine. If you can get the thoughts written down somewhere then maybe your brain won’t need to go over and over them again so much also it’s a good stress reliever
It sounds like you could become a great doctor, good money to earn, enough to analyze, to think about and worry about.

Doctors need to focus though which I can’t do. I think a lot, but it’s about so many different things, it’s very distracting. Plus I wasn’t that great at chemistry in high school. The only classes I did very well in were english and history classes but those lead no where in terms of a career (basically limited to teaching). I was still good at my other classes but I struggled a lot with them, and that’s just at the high school level. I still came out with a 3.89 (4.0 scale), but only because most teachers bumped grades up a little so I ended up with a B+ in certain classes instead of a B. Plus nothing really ever struck me as very interesting during school.

But anyway, that’s getting offtopic, I don’t really care about that, I’m sure it will sort itself out if I can just stop this anxiety and constant thinking and just go from action to action and see where things lead me, but it’s just so hard to do that right now.

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Long story short, we’ve been on a rollercoaster lately. Things are great, then their down, then their great, etc. We need help. I’ve been trying to get her to go to a couples therapist for the past two months, but she doesn’t want to go. Her only reason for not wanting to go is because "we can’t afford it." I know we can afford it. If I can afford to get the ring fixed up to give her (and that’s what she wants), I can afford to see a couples therapist. Deep down I don’t think she wants to hear that she might be wrong about something or whatever.

I spoke with a close female friend and she recommended that I give her a promise ring and use that as proof I’m committed and explain that we need to see a couples therapist. That idea sounds good to me, but I’m 30 and she’s 28– a promise ring seems kinda silly.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Sounds to me like she wants this because she feels an engagement will "fix" the problems in your relationship. It won’t. Don’t allow yourself to be pressued into something you don’t really want, if she gets pissed, then she does. The issues need to be worked out BEFORE there is any type of engagement, or you are both just setting yourself up for failure. Tell her if the relationship, and you, are important to her, you’ll find a way to afford the therapist.

Your gf wants the ring as a sign of commitment…don’t buy a ring just to please her.

Get one when you feel ready to commit, right now you don’t sound ready, and it would be stupid to buy the ring and pretend you are.
first impression

get rid of her NOW.
I just don’t know what to do here. She’s under the impression that I’m afraid of marriage and all that. She’s the type of person that comes up with her own conclusions and nothing anyone says can change that. Except maybe her mother. Her mother is the only person I know that can make her think differently about things. I could tell her the sky is green and she’d tell me I’m full of shit, but if her mom told her she’d believe it.

I’m not going to give her a ring right now except maybe a promise ring. But I know we need counseling. I dunno what to do here.
Fundaments come first. First you two need to have your lives sorted out before you engage into any form of permanent commitment. Do it the other way around and your in for an extreme failure, i learned that the hard way.
How long is the promise ring going to last? She’ll be back on the engagement ring kick before you know it.

I wouldn’t give her any kind of ring unless you are sure that you are both ready and from the little I know, I would say you are far from it.

from this post, and your first one about her not wanting to go to marriage counseling…do you really want to start heading down the path to marriage with this girl?

I know I don’t know a whole lot about your situation, but the stuff you have posted does not bode well for the future of the relationship, hate to tell you.

Cut your losses. She admits that the relationship has problems, but won’t see a counselor because it would cost too much…but she wants an engagement ring?

It’s probably going to have to end.

I was wondering why he’d head toward marriage with a girl who needs marriage counseling before getting married.

I’ve been trying to explain that to her. We both have issues with need to straighten out first before even thinking about getting engaged. But she thinks the fact that we’ve been together 3.5 years and have a daughter is enough. Her dream is to be married with kids and I’m "not fulfilling her dreams."

I’m seeing this ego side of her I’ve never seen before. She keeps saying that she’s "a great catch, down to earth, other boyfriends always realize what they had after they broke up with her and come back and I’ll do the same" etc.

She came home from work drunk last night and we got into a discussion/argument. She agreed to couples therapy but it wasn’t exactly "Ok I’ll go" it was "Make the appointment cause thats the last thing I can do." or something like that.

I didn’t mention until this post that we have a daughter. I know kids are the worst reason to keep things going, but I want my family to stay together. I want to try everything before ending it. I’m just sick of the rollercoaster she (we’re) on. I need some outside party that will open her eyes and make her see what she’s doing. I can’t do that. And sadly, I don’t think I ever will. I’ve been talking to my close female friend and she said she went through the same thing with her exhusband. She didn’t realize what she did until way after the relationship was over.
Oh man, so set for fail….

Any woman who is begging for an engagement ring is not the kind of woman to marry, EVER. She’s the kind of woman who looks at marriage as a finish line. By having a ring she’ll feel more secure and stable in your relationship, but that’s not how it should work. However, what tends to happen is these women do get the ring and do get married and the marriage is a train wreck.

Once they’ve got you they stop trying to please you because they feel like they’ve finally got you and don’t need to try anymore.

Never marry for a child. Never marry when your relationship has serious issues. Go to the couple’s therapy and maybe even ask the therapist what he/she thinks about you two getting married. I bet his/her answer will be eye opening.

well that changes things a bit. If I knew you had a daughter together I wouldn’t have been so quick to tell you to get rid of her. It’s definitely not a reason to get married, but it does give more reason to work at the relationship.

Just make the appt. Tell her when it is, tell her you’re going, tell her there is no way there will be a ring until at least YOU have done some therapy. She’ll probably go with you, but even if she doesn’t you’re going to learn stuff about yourself that will help you deal with her.
You can still be in your daughter’s life if you two aren’t together. I think it would be better for her to have contact with you, but not be surrounded by two people who do not want to be together…

So yes, keep working at the relationship, but if it becomes clear that it will not work, do not stay in there just for your daughter. No one wants to grow up in a home with two people who can’t stand being together.

And don’t even think about marriage/getting engaged for a few months, no matter how much she brings it up. It will change NOTHING in this situation.

QFT. Her thinking is totally backwards. Marriage should be the next step if you already feel secure and stable in your relationship. Marriage should not be a fix-it-all tool. It should be a symbol of what you already have together. If you guys are already on the ropes and pretty confused, marriage is just gonna enhance that feeling.

QFT!!!

for starters, good for you for standing your ground and not giving in. i have had girl friends of mine demand engagement rings and their boyfriends gave them to them [i will say that one is still married and has been for 3+ years, but she totally wears the pants in the relationship.]

the issue here, though, is not only the engagement ring. the issue is her stubbornness and unwillingness to fix the problems in your relationship. she seems like a "right-fighter." no matter what it takes, she has to be right about every issue, discussion, and/or argument. this type of behavior is not going to work very well in any relationship, let alone a marriage. i’m sure you know that.

despite her agreeing to counseling, her attitude about the whole thing is rather piss poor. in order to gain anything out of counseling, your heart must be fully committed. if she’s not interested in discussing everything about the relationship and laying all the cards on the table, there’s really no point investing your time.

tread carefully, my friend. do not jump into anything
3.5 years and you can’t commit. I can see her point a bit too regardless, it’s not the right time for you guys and if it bothers her that much then maybe she’s not for you. Why drag something on if you are both not commited. Kid involved or not.

If you need a shiny rock to "commit" to a relationship then there’s something fundamentally wrong, but judging by your screen name, a shiny rock is more important than love and the relationship itself.

My screen name is because I make jewelry, not rings by the way.

lol no one needs it to commit, but if it would make her feel better then why not? He loves her? He’s working on keeping her? Get engaged and go to counselling make a deal.

"I love you, I am commited I will give you a ring if thats what you need to see that, but I need to know you are commited to and I want you to go to counselling."

A ring is not signing a paper, from what it seems she wants to know that YOU are committed(wanting a promise ring).

In any relationship my theory is give it all or get out.

and personally I do not believe marriage is anything but a piece of paper.

i think he is actually smart to not propose before these problems get taken care of. so often, when people get engaged, they get caught up in the excitment of planning a wedding that they ignore the problems that are there.

and he is committing to her by wanting to go to counseling. that is showing he wants to make an honest effort for the relationship and fix things that are problems. she is the one who is not committing to make the relationship work by not wanting to join him

Why does he need to get engaged AND then go to therapy? He’s already suggested the idea to his SO and she apparently doesn’t find it beneficial. It looks to me like he’s the on committing to the relationship a lot more than she is. It would make a lot more sense if they worked out their problems before getting engaged.

maybe it means something completely different to her.

I didnt say to ignore a problem….

Maybe she like many other women want to know he’s commited and to alot of women a ring or that promise even without the ring can make a difference.

I have not been in the situation, but if I am with someone for 3 and a half years and he didnt want to marry me and be with me forever, then see ya. Thats how I feel. There will always be problems to work through in any relationship. You either work through them and give it your all and yes get counselling or get out.

No one here knows the whole story I am just trying to offer an opinion…

If I was in her shoes I would be wondering after 2 years what in the hell is he waiting for. I wouldn’t spend 2 years of my life commited to a man if he was not committed to me. Simple. Now commitment enough to me would be, "yes I would marry you" I dont need a ring personally.

im not claiming you said to ignore the problems, its just something that would automatically happen. ive watched far too many people get engaged, or married or even have a kid and said "yeah, we will go to counseling after" and never have. the TS is being smart for wanting to take care of these problems first. the fact that his gf doesnt think they have enough money for the counseling to improve their relationship, but wants the ring shows where her thoughts lie.

i too would leave someone if they could not commit to me after even a year. what we dont know is if the TS has told his gf that he would like to marry her, or if he refuses to discuss the topic.

I thought she said she would go to counselling? I just see it differently, my thought would be, why work on this if you are not even committed to me. I would be hurt in her shoes especially with a child. to men its just a ring but to alot of women, its alot more then that. It commitment. Also if you try to fix every problem in every relationship you have before getting married, then you again might as well split in my opinion. But it depends on what the problems are, something simple like my bf’s a lazy slob, well I would just beat him. LOL IM KIDDING. but that is so minor. but something like, she never wants to hav sex with me, major. I am reading this situation based on what I know. I am spoiled I will admit that if i don’t feel total love and commitment, I am gone, child or not, I should know I am a semi single parent.

it can easily be thought of in the complete opposite way of, why give you a ring if you are not willing to work on this with me?

i would never marry someone that would not be willing to go to counseling.

i would hope that the TS has been open with his gf about how he feels and the fact that he wants to marry her. and i assume that since the TS wants to go to counseling, these are major problems, not just minor typical relationship problems. and if you cant fix problems before you get married, thats a bad sign and you probably shouldnt be together in the first place. i dont mean that my relationship is perfect, but i wouldnt say there is a reoccuring problem that needs to be worked out, but i still would not have been opposed to counseling had my SO wanted to do that before we got engaged

see to me engagement is nothing but a promise to marry, not walking down the isle

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now should i tell the doctor im not taking them and all the negative things have gone away or that i am still taking them and im getting better.

im a little worried of the consequences of telling her that im not taking them so i guess unless i hear otherwise im gunna say i still am.

help appreciated.
I’ve been there before, and that shit just made everything worse. As long as you are feeling "good" you don’t really need to go back to the doc, unless yoiu have other issues. They will probably just try to convince you to stay on them longer…

It’s been 3 years since I have taken any sort of mood stabilizers and I am better now then I have ever been. It’s all about having control over your emotions, and being able to rationalize.

true

i will see if i can stop going, im not sure i can though

Good for you, it was the same for me. Meds made everything 10x worse.

No reason to lie to your therapist. What possible consequences could she give you?

If she tries to push them on you, this scenario would be good for you. You seem to think this particular authority figure has a great deal of power over you and you are considering resorting to some very unhealthy behaviours to deal with it. Standing up and asserting yourself appropriatley (i.e. no anger, lying, manipulating, whining, blaming, hitting, etc). to an authority figure and seeing positive results is a very good thing for your ego and peace of mind. The therapist’s office is the perfect place to practice scenarios like this, its what you’re paying her for.

edit: wait, is this a counserlor/therapist or just a doctor who gives out meds?

what "consequences"?

if you don’t tell your doc exactly what you’re doing then you’re hurting your cause, not helping.

tell her.
Umm, you need to tell him How is that even a question? You’re not truly in therapy unless you are being completely open and honest with your therapist.
tell them the truth. they are only there to help you feel better, so lying to them is only going to go against what they are there to do

and if you dont feel like you ever want to take a pill again, you might want to get a name for a good psychologist that you can go in and talk to when you need little check ups from time to time and to keep you healthy and away from the necessity from taking pills to feel better
consequences such as going to a mental hospital, they have made it sound like that is what would happen if i stopped taking them.

what have you been diagnosed with?

not really sure, bipolar schizophrenia i think

so you stopped taking your meds cause you are in one of your high moods?

how long have you been on these meds and how long ago were you diagnosed?

diagnosed 5 months ago and have been off and on them for 4 months and i stopped for good about a month ago.

i didnt stop becasue of a high mood, i actually dont even think i am bipolar or any of that.
if you dont think you are really bipolar then go to another doctor to get a different opinion. i would hope that a doc would just randomly diagnos someone as bipolar since its a pretty serious thing, but it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion.

do you know what lead the doc to think that? do you have eratic moods or anything like that?

Oh, thats pretty serious. I thought it was depression or something like that.

The meds you are being given support this. Tell your doctor about your concerns. Those meds have some severe side effects and I’m sure there are some better ones out there.

What do you think would make the psychiatrist think you are bipolar if you are not?

i posted the problem a while back under a friends screen name, but i basically wasnt thinking and told a counselor that i wanted to hurt my cousin for raping my little sister. i had a hard time accepting it for a while but now im over it. the doctor only talked to me about 5 times for 5 minutes each time and just asked me how i was.

but this is getting offtopic

Wow Well now I understand. But you do need to explain this all to him

i would change doctors. you should never have been put on meds for that

thats a completely normal thing to be pissed off about, they should have sent you to a counselor to talk through your anger about it, not just medicated you.
Get an evaluation and a diagnostic impression from the hospital psychologist (NOT psychiatrist). Getting off the meds is a HORRIBLE idea if the diagnostic is right which is why you should get evaluated by a psychologist (who will assess you with more than just a couple of questions, it should last 2-4 one-hour sessions)

tell them you aren’t taking them, and all the bad sideeffects have gone away. They can’t force you to take pills

they cant send you unless you’re a danger to yourself or others
My advice is to cancel the appointment and stay the hell away from your psychiatrist from now on. All he/she will do is insist that you go back on drugs. Depakote is horribe, horribe shit that will utterly destroy your brain if taken over the long terms. Psychiatrists are trained to view everything in terms mental illness and will tell you that you need meds even if you don’t. And, although they can’t have you committed unless you’re a danger to yourself or others, realize that psychiatrists have the power to make that call at their discretion, and even if their own exaggerted view of your mental condition doesn’t meet the criteria, very often they will simply embellish or lie to get you locked up. This is why it is not safe to discuss sensitive information with mental health professionals. "I want to hurt my cousin for raping my little sister"; suddely becomes "I raped both my little sister and my cousin and want to hurt myself." Many psychiatrists have an outright authoritarian complex and will become vindictive if you deny their treatment recommendatios. They’ll say you have "oppositional defiant disorder" and that you are too mentally ill to make your own medical decisions. My sincere advice: just short of hiding out in a cave in the mountains, do everything in your power to avoid psychiatrists at all costs. If your cousin really raped your little sister, by all means, go ahead and kill the nigger, if you can get away with it. That’s fucking justice, not mental illness. The problem is that you’re the only person who is rational enough to see the obvious solution. It’s anyone who disagrees who’s insane.

seriously, you’re the last person anyone should listen to. you quit your meds without your doc knowing, you talk about your anger and how you think it’s ok to blow up at someone because it makes you masculine, and now you’re on some rant about killing "that nigger" because EVERYONE else is wrong and he’s the only one who’s rational.

you are a poster child for why people are forced to take meds. you’re too deep in your own sickness to see how fucked up you are. this kid needs to tell his parents his concerns, tell his parents WHY he thinks it’s time to go off the meds, find someone else to talk to (like another doc besides the one he’s seeing), and rationally explain why he’s ready to quit.
There is a time and a place for violence, and that’s when someone is raping your little sister. It’s pussies like you who enable bullshit like that to happen by always insisting that medication is the answer rather than violence. Well, I’ll tell you straight up, if anyone ever rapes my little sister, that person is a dead nigger. And the world will be a fuck of a lot better off because of it, no thanks to medicated little hampsters like you.

Yeah, you sound antisocial. Nothing like having a criminal mind!

I agree with him. Certain situations require violence, and this is one of them. Murder is way out of line, but some serious roughing up is certainly not out of the question. I’m not encouraging it, but I can’t imagine any normal human being not atleast thinking about hurting the person who raped their little sister.
There’s a difference between wanting someone dead and telling a person who’s been talking mood stabilizers to go off them and to kill someone. One of them is stupid/antisocial, I’ll let you guys guess this one.

I’m not necessarily endorsing that he sould literally kill the guy. I’m just using that as a caricature for some kind of retaliatory action. A severe beating would be fully appropriate.

awesome……….he’s going to avenge his cousin’s rape by getting himself thrown in jail.

that’s a rational plan

he won’t get himself thrown in jail; the cousin cannot go to the cops, because he committed a rape

if he beats the guy up he’ll go to jail.

seriously, there’s something wrong with you.
LMFAO. And how would you suggest handling the situation, Captain Civility? Should he just sit down with the rapist so they can discuss their feewings? Go to a counselor so they can learn to communicate better? Take medication to correct his chemical imbalance? You are a dumbass, outright, and it is complacency like yours that destroys people’s lives.

police?

As opposed to you wanting to go "kill the nigger" and spending a few dozen years in jail?

no, that’s what you need.

no, what would destroy a life is if he decided to go beat someone up and spent the better part of his youth in jail.
Both bipolar depression and schizophrenia are serious mental health conditions that have clear biological foundations. If you truly have them, find a good psychiatrist and stick to your drug regime…

That’s much better, you don’t sound antisocial anymore…

Yeah man, those are all the real solutions, and going to the police to report the rape was not a solution.
Reporting the rape to the police on his part will not accomplish anything; it is the girl who has to report it.

That would have been her call then.

not really. often girls are too embarassed to report it

What do you want to do? Force her? Go on a self-judice journey (ie : go on a power trip filled with revenge and impulsivity) ?

Go to the cops myself and report it. Whether or not they can act immediately without her reporting it herself is moot. At the very least, they will have a record of the attack and a witness, rather than having her try to claim it happened months later with no supporting documentation

That’s what i said the guy should do but apparently it didn’t work according to soleus.

he can encourage her to report it.

or he can go your route and beat him up and go to jail. at least that way he’ll have proven how masculine and alive and full of testosterone he was………while he spends the next 3-5 years taking a cock in his ass in prison.
If I’m not mistaken … isn’t schizophrenia degenerative?

Do you know/have you discussed with your doc what the long term benefits of taking the meds are in order to evaluate whether or not it’s worth putting up with the side effects? Maybe your dosage/cocktail was just wrong & could use some adjustment. It’s something worth considering. Your future is in your hands regardless of how much it seems like others have influence over you.

Also, if you really want to come off like you have your shit together & get the doc to do what you want avoid using words like "I want, I need." In writing one is taught to avoid the terms "I, me, you, yours" when addressing the audience. You come off as being of sound mind because of the thought & consideration that method of communication conveys.

If you state that you discontinued the medication prescribed because the side effects were intolerable then you’re more likely to get a desired response from the doc over saying that you didn’t like what the meds were doing to you.

Feel confident that you know yourself & that the meds were not quite right. Ask for an adjustment to the dosage to show the doc you’re willing to work with ‘em. That way you seem more on their level rather than one of the "little crazy people" that leads them to think they know you better than you do.

& think long term. Figure out what you want for yourself & work toward it. Even if you have doubts, you can still have goals.

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Few years back, I probably made a thread in here when my ex g/f left me.
I moved to Cali because my mom moved there, got a job, made friends, was having an awesome time.

Dad kicked me out for unknown reasons, probably because I took his old job, but he quit anyway so whatever.
I had been seeing this girl I met shortly after my ex left me, kind of a rebound fuck but she wasn’t the first I had sex with after my ex left.

I had planned to live on a boat in cali, but with my boss only paying me $300 a week, I couldn’t afford to live there. Rather than look for a job or apartment or being somewhat of a responsible human being I called this girl and she told me to come live with her. I didn’t know if that would work, but she travels for her job so she was gone all the time. The novelty of that I did like, but I didn’t want to just use her.
I got a job like right after I got to Texas with this company, and they started bouncing paychecks and I just stuck around like an idiot because I was making some money. We moved out of houston further north and I left that job because everyone else had left at that point as well.
I found another job, but it was shitty, they didn’t pay overtime and I wanted to stay in my field (audio/video installer).
She got a job offer in Alabama and I moved here with her, I have no job now, I’ve been applying everywhere I can think of, I wanted to stay in my field but now I don’t care. I applied at a grocery store for fucks sake.
She told me she’s tired of supporting me, and doesn’t want me to be here since I’m not bringing in any money.
She’s crying and so am I, I didn’t want to be a fucking failure and I am.
She doesn’t want me to go, doesn’t want this to be over but either way I have to go. I feel like if we take a break, we won’t get back together anyway so we are just going to end it. Unless I get a job phone call this week I’m moving.

I just had to rant to someone.
I should mention that I’m 30, and have no college education. I have plans to fix that, but that hinges on me getting a job where I move to.

Hey, things could be worse, you’re not me.
My advice is to be there were the oppertunities are.

There seems to be oppertunity in Alabama but you have to 24/7 search for a job, now is not the time to be kidding around. Just say to your gf that you are going to do everything in your power to get a job, and will leave the house if she really wants you to, but that in the meantime you’ll be out searching for a job. Show her that you are serious, not just with words, but 100% action as wel. You have too many posts on OT, you need to understand that doing important things comes first > having fun its that you have to ensure you are doing the right and the responsible thing here. I can only give you guidance to get thru this, but winning the war is up to you.
Right now, you need to take any job you can get, regardless of field. Once you have enough money coming in to pay your bills, you can start looking for a better job (either in terms of pay or liking the job).

And as far as the living together/relationship….this probably killed it. Once you get some money coming in, look for a different place to live, get some roommates you aren’t involved with. Then you and she will have to see if the relationship can be rebuilt or not.
I was in a similar but better situation than that about 3 years ago. All I can say is…

I know you’re 30 but we had a 34 year old in our division. Yes it will suck, you’ll be 34 being bossed around by little bitch 20 year olds that are higher rank. But if you pick a decent rate you can get a lot of good experience out of it and some good education.

If you do choose this route. Since you have audio/electrical experience already I would recommend the rate ET/FC/IC or something similar. I really hate it at times but it’s a steady and guaranteed paycheck, I’ve gotten to see some really fucking cool places, I’ve gotten some good training out of it. Talk to people in The Barracks or feel free to PM me if you want more info. Don’t make the decision lightly… I don’t hate this palce but I wish I had known somethings I know now before I joined.

As far as your relationship… your financial situation is undoubtedly a contributing factor to your problems. Like was said above, get a job, any job. You’d be surprised how much a good server or bartender can make (maybe a bar tending license/classes would be beneficial?). Just don’t get stuck in that field and get out of it as soon as possible. Basically, you say your making an effort to get a job but do you spend a lot of your time sitting around at your house? Just the simple act of being out looking for a job might give her more faith in you and give you some more time. You need to start bringing in bank.

Finances are definitely a killer of a lot of relationships and marriages.

I hope that if you start college, you will finish it.

When I used to work with older junior college students, they would always tell me that they wanted to finish school. For the most part, many do not finish and most seem to drop out.

Suggestion: What about garbage man? Military?

She doesn’t want me in military, but now that this is going to be over I may consider it.
I’m just going to get something that I can do, and take night courses at a community college if they will transfer so it will be a little cheaper since I’ll have to work and go to school.

I want to make something of myself, but trying to get myself motivated to do that is hard for me. I feel like because I am 30, I’ve wasted my life and won’t amount to anything.

The thing that hurts me is that I don’t think I love her, I don’t even know if I can say it, my ex and I told each other that we loved each other but I don’t think I ever did and I didn’t want to tell this girl that I did if I didn’t.

Even if I get a call back this week for a job I think it’s best if we do split, with her being gone for work so much, I never see her and I do miss her when she’s gone, and when she’s home it’s only for a few days.
I miss my friends terribly, and the though of moving to be with them is a happy one, but I just feel like shit again because I’ve fucked up another relationship and I never wanted to hurt her. I hate myself so much right now, I should be sleeping next to her but I can’t sleep, I just pace back and forth crying.
Sorry for ranting again, doubt it helps me to type it out but whatever.

More than likely wisconsin, thought about moving back to Houston but I think that’s a good idea.
Last post for a while because I’m moving on friday.
My truck started shifting weird the other day and I think my trans fluid is burnt, I do not have money to drain and re-fill this fluid and if this trans is broken I don’t know what I am going to do.
I have not gotten any sleep lately, I stay up so late and cry my eyes out.
I can’t stand myself and that I’m such a failure, I hate myself for what I’ve done to her. I had a chance at something really good and I just fucked it all up. I might as well be a fucking drug addict.
I felt the same way when my other ex left me, part of me knows or wants to know that I will get over this, but the other part of me wants myself to suffer emotionally for what I’ve done or not done to her.

I really feel like I should just end this. I don’t know why I should get over her? What’s the point? I want to be a better person because of her, I want to be a better person to her and be with her. And I can’t even tell her I love her because I’m don’t know if I do or not. How the hell am I supposed to know? I keep hearing that you’ll know if you do, and I don’t want to say it and not mean it.

You don’t have to respond to this, I’m just putting my thoughts out because I can’t go to sleep crying and wake her up.
I think u should not worry about a relationship until u can manage yourself.
IF she wont support you, and is not willing to support you through this time, she is just some sleeze. Get away from her. Either go to the military or find a broke ass job. I know u can get a job at McDonalds or some store, just for the time being, who cares about status. Get the job, live in your truck if u have too.. Save money and start going college. Get ur AA, and get a desk job.. If thats not for you, join the military… With the situation u have, u better stop feeling pity for yourself and get going. your 30, have no edu., and no job… there are many ways to come up..

for ex… A football player walked onto his college team. HE had no family, or money to pay for school. He worked out his local grocery store and lived in his truck… He showered and hygiened at his school gym. He made it out of college to the NFL….now has not a worry in site..

Its time to get up and realize reality dude. You can do it

I really don’t think that’s fair.

The gf may simply NOT be able to support herself and another person.

You don’t love her. You are just lost in life right now and are clinging to anyone who shows you affection.

Ending your life wouldn’t solve anything. Life isn’t easy, you’re supposed to figure it out. When bad things happen they tend to happen all at once, but the trick is to not freak out every time something new and horrible happens. No one rewards the weak. You learn to take pride in yourself the more you fight for what you want.

What do I suggest? I first suggest you get a sheet of paper and pen out. Instead of staying up all night crying and feeling guilty you should put all your apologies and feelings into a letter. It’s up to you whether you want to send that letter to your ex or keep it. Many times after you write the letter you don’t even have to give the letter to your ex because you already feel so much better writing it all out.

Other than that do you by any chance have the money to seek some kind of therapist?

Well, I am not neccissarily talking about financial support. It sounds like she wont support him in any way, shape or form. I dont know the full story, but if she needs to move on, let her do so. You could use mental support. Find some friends to see if they can help…. Jus dont give up man.
take a beer baster, fill it with corona, and inject it into your ass, while recording and posting on the internet for some internet money?
hopefully you remember that thread, otherwise I’ll just seem like an ass
From the sounds of it, she’s not someone you care about really, so you shouldn’t be living with her anyways. You need to find someone you do care about (eventually).

It might be time to suck up your pride and apply for welfare and go to workshops to find work. Also, there are temp agencies which are generally an excellent way to find immediate work and immediate cash. I’ve got through many a tough time while unemployed by working for temp agencies.

As for the military, what does it matter whether she wants you to or not? You need to fix your own life, first and foremost. If joining the military is a good option for you, and something you’d like to consider, then by all means, do so.

That said, given that you’re 30 years old, they may not want to take you, so speak to a recruiter before you make any definite plans.

Do try to go the officer training route, where they pay for your schooling. Sure, it involves guaranteeing time in service, but, as an officer, you’re less likely to get shot at than a non-com
You sound EXACTLY like my friend, only difference is that he isn’t living with his current gf (yet).

But he too, is frustrated at lack of job opportunities and when he gets them, places find excuses not to hire him. I told him to change his field and stop looking for so much money considering he has a year, limited, experience in IT and no education at all… but he expects to be handed at least 60 grand a year *sigh*

On top of this, he lives at home with his mom, his stepdad and grandparents still at age 31 and he mooches off his gf as well, she’s paying for his health insurance, writing checks for him in hopes he pays her back (he still owes me $600 as well.. I stopped lending 2 years ago) and paying for his food/clothes. Sounds like he found a sugar momma…

So in essence, if could be MUCH worse. What is holding you back in the job market? Are you black balled or something?
Work for a distributor. I work for a beer distributor and we are ALWAYS looking for people. I work for a beer distributor and we are selling beer out the wazoo and we can’t find extra help!

Jump on the trucks or merchandise a grocery store!

Yea, however the part you that I didn’t get to post cause thread got locked was that I didn’t do that, I lied and got that other chick to do it with a tampon tho

To answer the other posts, I’ve looked, maybe not as hard as I should have, but I have looked and turned in applications and called and get nothing.
I feel worthless and I can’t see the point in going on.

I’m going to sleep. Sorry..just needed to write stuff out I guess.

yeah, you told me it in another thread though

oh, and go to temp agencies

seriously

best choice for you right now
Suck up your pride and take a job, any job, for the sake of having one. It may not be glamorous but hopefully it will pay the bills until something better comes along. Flip burgers if you have to, just get it done and get back in school.
If your girlfriend was supporting you then you are a bum, sorry.

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-aced my oral exams
-loving the hell out of the car I just bought as I sell the other one. it feels good to have a car that’s actually fairly reliable and didn’t have to be a Honda/Toyota.
-looking forward to another good weekend
-reassigned to a family practice clinic for a few weeks, totally laid back compared to the hospital.

your turn… ready, GO
I actually think your post is the first in its kind in here.But I guess its good to have a positive thread, just write it down your problems as well ,anything still needs to be fixed in your life?.

-Got a ~33% raise not too long ago.
-Moved in with my GF and things are going well.
-Parents moved out to the west coast so I get to spend time with them.
-Was going to sell my car, but realized how much I love it and want to keep it. (02 WRX)
-New couches coming this month
-haven’t taken a "vacation" in over 10 years, planning a 2 week vacation in january to go snowboarding

Umm thats everything off the top of my head
- Did well on 2 of my 3 exams the first month of school
- Dad helped me out financially so I don’t have to work 40 hours and do school full-time, I’ve only gotta do about 20 now, which leaves me tons of time to study
- Health is actually really good compared to how rough it’s been over the summer
- I’ve learned to cook; it’s not saved me much money, but it’s a lot more fun to eat something you actually made
- Comfortable with myself finally. I wanted to drop some weight but decided school needs to be my focus and when I graduate in May, I can work on that. I’m not by any means fat, but I’ve got some to lose.
I’m about 3-4 months away from finally being debt free… then I can continue on with my life and start having fun again.
I needed this thread!

Just got my college degree!
I have an amazing supportive family, especially my mom, who’s my best friend
Just started going out with my buds again, as well as meeting a lot of new people.
Getting Healthy, finally cut down on my junk food and eating a lot healthier and lost weight!
Also started running, my goal is to run the Rock n Roll marathon in may

Y’see folks, this is why I need to graduate!

32 hours of clinical + 14 hours of lecture + all the time needed to read books + the time needed to complete projects/do research.

I could cut all that out and spend 3 hours a day in a gym 5 days a week, running every day, and still not come close to being as time-consumed as college requires.

I thought there was a thread like this sometime in the last year… lol. Anyway, plenty of stuff to fix. But nothing I’m not fervently working on. Physical fitness, self confidence, mental aptitude in my work, friendlier demeanor, some credit card debt etc.

A lot of it started to fix up when I started my program over the summer. Some examples… it took a pretty serious threat from the chair of my program to fix years of attendance problems (going back to high school and junior high, even), and less serious but eye-opening feedback from my clinical coordinator about my shyness on rotations translating to laziness. Gone, just like that, and it’s starting to radiate to other parts of my life.

(I figured this stuff belonged in its own thread, though.)

I’m toying with the idea of doing a distance bike ride from here to St. Louis… about 90-100 miles
Although I have a lot of bad stuff going on right now…

-I have plenty of money for the first time in my life
-I’m defending my thesis in the spring
-I’ve networked my way into a few contacts at my dream job
-Since Im newly single ive noticed that quite a few girls I know are asking to hang out with me
off the top of my head:

-finances are in order
-loving my new car
-loving my new phone
-my trip to europe is only month away
-things are looking well for my new career, which will hopefully begin in december
-until then, current job is dandy
-still enjoy having my own place
-good friends that i see/talk to often
-supportive and loving family
-in good shape and my distance running is coming along nicely
-no drama in my life (get my fix from "the hills" )
-it’s fall, so my favorite shows are back on, as are college football and basketball soon enough

all in all, it’s been a great year for me and the future looks bright

i’m assuming you’re talking about the rock ‘n’ roll marathon in san diego? i ran that in 2006, and it was a hell of a lot of fun!

you didn’t ask, but make sure your practice runs include hills. the course included a ton of interstate ramps, etc, and was a little for me and the group i was with. then again, we all came from orlando, and it’s relatively flat around here.

Yeap, In San Diego. I was actually avoiding hills in my runs because I hate them lol, they make me want to stop . Hopefully running with a friend will help me with those dam mountains.

I always start things and never finish. I going to freaking run that marathon.
1. I have a loving family that I still talk to daily.
2. I have a clean bill of health
3. I have food on the table
4. I have money in the bank
5. I have a loving girlfriend
6. I have a roof over my head.

these are the things that are going well for me.
1) Completely Financially independent from my family at the age of 19, all while in college.
2) Loving BF that cares about me and I care about him.
3) Getting an apartment together in December with him.
4) Have a car that I absolutely love.
5) Have a lot of good friends in my life who I know will always be there for me no matter what. True friends.
6) I’m healthy AFAIK.
7) Finally no longer a super skinny bitch, gained some muscle and size and now can defend myself if the occasion arises.
pretty laid back going to school now
work is more fun but there is more to do, which means i have to work harder
becoming more social
having some fun i guess

could be better
- I have a wonderful boyfriend, family, and friends.
- I am healthy.
- I have a roof over my head, and will be moving to a new apartment soon.
- I’m not dirt broke….yet.

By the way, this thread was a good idea. I’ve been stressing out about stuff lately, so this helps me think more positive.
Well I got a good job, making more than I have ever made in my life,
I’m living in a nice large city(Charlotte) and i’m truly happy here other than not knowing anyone…
My ex(?) is not being a bitch about child support.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me with my problems.
I’m trying asses the damage of all the crap that has gone on the last 3 years and am trying to fix it?

thats all thats good..the rest is shit..

Gray
-istill have my job
-got my own vehicle(new)
-live with roommates
-visited Europe(not yet im leaving on 10/16)
I love these threads. I haven’t seen on in a while.

Let’s see, things going well…

I have an SO who is really supportive and kind. I’d be really lost right now if I didn’t have that kind of love in my life.

I have a car. And while its an 11 year old junker, it was a gift that was given to me at a time when I was in a really tight spot. I’m super grateful for that.

I have a great job that I love and get paid well for. I’m finally able to save some money and take care of a few things, and it feels great.

It’s fall I love fall. Almost time to go to the pumpkin patch and the corn maze.
I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my new college surroundings (friends, classes, etc.)
I have an amazing girlfriend that I get to see one or two days out of the week even though we’re 45 minutes apart at school.
I’ve aced every quiz and exam this year to date.
I get to come home soon for Thanksgiving and Winter Break and see my friends that I’ve missed and FINALLY feel the cold and the rain again (yeah, I know, weird, but it makes me happy)
My family is amazing and, even though my mom can stress me out a lot, they’ve really rallied around me and supported me as of late.
I’m celebrating my one year with my gf at Disneyland soon

oh no! believe me, you should at least do a little bit of incline [if you're running on a treadmill].

keep up the good work! don’t stop! believe me… the feeling you get after crossing that finish line is absolutely amazing. you literally feel invincible… at least i did

good job starting now. i started training in late january 2006, and the race was in june 2006.
here are a few of mine…

1) i have an awesome job that i absolutely love & i was recently offered a promotion. after some serious negotiations, i turned it down because i didn’t feel as though i was offered enough money [ie what i feel i am worth]

2) i am communicating 100% better in all types of relationships: work, personal, & romantic [as evident by number 1]

3) i recently received a call about a job offer i had in the works… … i really hope it works out!

4) i have changed a lot over the past 5 months, and i’m totally psyched about that

5) i have amazing friends and family.

6) i am embracing all the changes that are goin on in my life.

7) the past few weekends have been absolutely fabulous!

hehe…I’m also excited about the new fall season of my fave shows. i’m about the final season of ER, tho…
No more school since May (although my new job is exhausting and Im the bitch on the bottom of the food chain)
Electrician at a tire plant (although theres a recession)
Just bought a house on some land (even though its nigger-rigged and Im going to work myself to death)
Have a girlfriend (even though I avoid her)
1)

In fact, I find this thread only more depressing.

It probably could be even worse, but absolutely nothing is going well, and I’ve become so apathetic to that to even care.
Just started development of a commercial property which will be ready next summer. So now I know where I’ll be living likely for the rest of my life. There was talk about moving camp to FL or MD but I’m happy to stay in CA just because it’s less risk. In the meantime I’ll be looking for a part time job because I put all of my money into this.
Oohhh, are we all done with this already?

I’m in a pissy mood, but, I can still think of other things that are going well. I’m rotated over to the orthopedic clinic and my new preceptor is spectacular.

I think one of my classmates is going to introduce me to her roommates to help me get over the last girl, who sort of left me feeling used. It’s funny because I used to think I wouldn’t mind being used sexually, but it’s pretty weaksauce

I’ve been getting close to 100% on my last three written & practical exams.

My bubble wrap costume is a hit
Close to finishing my masters in computer science, specialising in artificial intelligence. Thats about it, the rest of my life is more or less a failure.

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I hate feeling somewhat like a nut case when it comes to this crap, but I cant seem to shake away some feelings leftover from my first love, no matter how hard I seem to try.

Basically, what this dream is, of me driving at night someplace, but it’s me and a passenger. Its a women, who’s face I never see. The only visual thing I can clearly remember, is that it’s an average looking female, wearing all red.

Throughout the car ride, she is challenging me and questioning my actions and judging my first and only relationship. It was constant, I constantly answered and then it would be something else, "why did you do this, how come you did that!?" in a scolding manner. Towards the end of this "dream," I somehow end up sitting somewhere (no longer in the car), the whole area I am in is just black, pitch black, with what appears to be a single spotlight pointing towards me, where I can only see the women standing near me.

Pause here for a second, before I finish it up. For that past few months, Ive built my own "wall" if you will, a sort of "better then you" type ego when it comes to women. I cant really describe it. I feel it’s my only defense to keep myself from getting attached to anyone person I guess, to protect myself from getting hurt, I dont know.

Going back to the dream. It usually just ended with her asking "why did you love her?", in a more compassionate tone, and that was it. I never answered, well, until last night. I answered, "because she gave me something that I have never truely had in my life; comfort, compassion and the understanding of real love towards me." I know this is getting cheesy as fuck, but this is what really shook me up.

Almost instantly after saying this, she appears next to me, dosnt say a thing, and just presses my head into her chest and just holds me in manner that was meant to "comfort." Yea, seems kind of stupid, right? Well, the thing that made me feel shaken up, is that I felt it, emotionally. I have never felt so vulnarable before by anything since my ex. I haven’t felt this way since then. It was a taste of it. Its hard for me to explain, but if you can comprehend what I am trying to say, then I hope you understand, cause I’m having a hard time myself right now.

I woke up, and the feeling was, and still is, fresh in my mind. So much so, that I actually almost broke down. All day, Ive just been not myself. If I had to make some sort of sense of it, my best guess is that it is really a reminder of what I really need or want in my life; the feeling of comfort and security.

Ultimatly, I feel confused and wayward right now about this seemingly insignificant dream. Never in my life have I had this kind of effect from a dream.

Bah, I dont know what else to say about this. Consider me crazy if you want
Have you ever talked to anyone about your ex? Have you ever sat down and had a deep conversation with one of your friends? your parents? or your relatives?

It seems like you’ve been bottling up a lot of emotions from a relationship that you deemed extremely important to you, but you have not let go of. Do you have problems sharing your emotions with other people? Is your relationship with your mother weak or fragile, or non-existent?

To be honest, sitting here and listening to what you had to say, I could almost conclude that you never really felt close to anyone before. And this girlfriend helped you break that and be close, but it ended up in rejection.

We all get rejected: it’s part of the relationship. I just had a break-up with my last girlfriend, and I was basically told she never really liked me. So, six months of nothing. But ya know what? I understand that, and I know it’s time for me to move on and keep on going. You can’t dread about the past forever. You need to start looking to the future.

And don’t worry, you are NOT crazy.
Still think you need to look into the free therapy at your school.

In all honesty, yes, she was really the only person Ive ever been close to. I love my family as I feel I should, but I am not close to them as other people may be with their families. To make it easier to understand, I feel my ex knows me better then my actual family does.

Ive tried to talk to someone else, but it just dosnt work or "feel" right. If you knew me in person or me my whole life, I always keep my emotions and deep feelings to myself, unless angry towards something, I never physically show any of these emotions. I just cant, but it was only her that was actually able to get me to actually open up about anything. However, it wasnt enough for her, she felt I was always holding back, when in reality, I just dont know how, making her feel as if I was pushing her away.

I honestly do not want to have these left over feelings anymore. Ive been masking them with a false ego, and its the only way I know how to keep them from getting to me. I dont feel the "pain" from it, but I certainly remember how it did feel at some point, and what happened in my dream really echoes what I really yearn for.

Ive always been the "loner’ type, small group of friends, thats it, really. Never really followed the crowd, but I’m not a rebel type either. I just do my own thing and always have been.

I dont like having to talk about my ex, but these subconcious feelings and emotions are remnents from her, and I feel forced to be reminded of that

I would have been but I havent had anything like this affect me since then. I think I’ll be fine now. Just a wake up call, I guess

You’re not fine. Therapy will help you continuiously work and vent your feelings. You think you’ll be fine now but you’ll continue to have these depression bouts. Stop being afraid of therapy, you need to open up to people. You said yourself that you’ve always had a hard time with it.
If you don’t have a friend that is willing to sit down and talk with you, I would definitely suggest checking out your school to talk to some kind of psychologist about what you’re going through. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

What you need to do is you need to find someone you’re able to sit down with, and explain your deepest, darkest secrets, and be able to trust them enough not to tell anyone. It’s hard to find someone like this, but when you do, you will never be able to thank them enough.
Well luckely this is one of the more easier to explain.

To those who hurt us: we close ourselves.
To those who love us: we open ourselves.

Love is a let go in which we expose ourselves in a volunerable way. 9/10 that your dream was not an instance but a spiritual induced one, by an entity who wants to know why you ‘solemnly expose yourself only to an ‘exlusive’ person’. The reason is because you are a ‘reserved’ person, which you basically described as being a ‘loner’. Which isn’t ‘really true’, you are simply a person who doesn’t want to go out in the field and ‘get hurt’ as a result you’ve build this barrier around you, and only those who are not only compatible with your personality but also who are not out with an intent to hurt you can enter your life.

These people would be the people that have been good for you , but these people also get a special place in your life like your mother and father, that wouldn’t be so much out of the ordinairy , but for a person like you these people almost have like ‘shrines’ in your heart. So a little bit more about the woman in your dream.

Faceless spirits are that because they are covered by negative experiences, not necessarily because they are negative entities themselves.

A core principal in the spirit world is that you have to love everyone in an equal manner. Your incredible exclusive and almost nitpicking preferences into whom you love have sparked this spirit into asking you a ton of questions on why and where this exclusive behaviour of yours comes from. It basically stems from ‘self protection’ and because your world is so ‘tiny’.

So there’s basically 3 important things you need to learn.

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

The only thing you learn from being introvert is that you need to be extravert,living a life as a hermit is wrong because Introvertism is a path towards lonelyness, at one point the lonelyness would become so bad you would be screaming for company anyway, so you want to steer away from leading a lifestyle like that.

Expand your world: You’re missing out A LOT in life, if you don’t put yourself out there in the field, although it is true that you won’t receive love by hugging thornbushes, life is more like going thru a minefield, where you try not to get blown up by bad experiences and try to reach the finish line.

The meaning of life is love everyone and everything. Although it is good to be exclusively ‘the one’ for your special loved one, and stay 100% loyal to that loved one, try to expand your ‘general love’ towards more people and more positive constructive things. The life of an introvert loner is particular in that it is a lifestyle that is lead in order to shield and protect themselves from hurt from the ‘outside world’. But reality is that you can’t live in a box forever, you’re just stopping your own physical and even more important spiritual progress. I urge to stop the loner lifestyle, not because its anything against you, but because you can’t grow with a ‘living inside of a box’ lifestyle.

Thanks

Just got alot more going on then I really thought.

As for seeing a therapist, Im not sure yet. Its not because I’m afraid, but I dont think I can or will be able to automatically open up to him/her. Ive realized I can only speak so much, and then keep the deeper stuff to myself.

As for what you say about "expanding your love" to everyone….I havent said anything about this yet, but I feel its more relevent then anything else to say it.

Lately, Ive been having a weird feeling to find another girl, for more the reasons of what this topic is about. Not only am I seeking this form of "comfort," but I have a yearning to be able to just be a sort of "protector" or a sort of "hero" to a girl. I cant describe as to why, I just do feel that way. Saying this aloud only sounds kinda of cheesy and stupid. I guess for a lack of better word to describe this, I want to be a "chivalrous" man (I feel that word is overused for somereason..)

But thats how Ive honestly felt this past month, really. I guess Ive just been watching too many animes lately which show this type of person, but who knows.

As for the dating thing, Im not going to try anymore. Im just going to live and see if my fate allows another love in my life.

I say go to a therapist man, its helping me…I’ve been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist… the psychiatrist in 20 minutes figured out I was bi-polar and explained moments I’ve had in my life with great clarity…the therapist is helping me with codependency and my self image. I’m finally starting to realize my ex is crazy, and i’m not the bad person she made me out to be…and that I miss the love, not her…anyway get help man, it will make you better off..now if I can just stop thinking about it all the time..

Gray

Aww, I’m so glad you are going and are having good results
The big question here is: How is your relationship with your mother?

you talking about me or the op?

actually my mom died 2 years ago…never really got to deal with it either, I guess one of these days I will…after I get thru dealing with the loss of my first love..and many other things..

Gray
I honestly dont know how to respond.

My relationship with my mother is alright I guess. We aren’t close, but we aren’t too distant from each other. I just never have been the "family type." If you want me to expand on it, I guess the only thing that my parents clearly have done, has always placed me "2nd" to my brother. Perhaps, you can say my lack of closeness with my family is because of this reason alone.
I guess I have another possible reason for this kind of "experience" that may have be initiated it. I didnt want to say this before, but its that I know for a fact that I will have to see my ex again in person.

For those who dont know, I was in an LDR, in which she left me shortly after visiting her. I’ll spare the details, but later found out she cheated on me the week prior.

Its really been bugging me, I guess it’s really because the last thing she said to me in person, when I was leaving to go home, was "I’ll be waiting here for you." Ive been thinking about this alot lately because Ive started realize that I will have to deal with her in person again.

The reason for this, is because we met in an orchestra, to which both of us have strong relations to. We’ve been asked to even staff trips and the like when we are around. I know that I’ll be attending a few concerts and the end of the year banquets, etc. One thing I am pretty sure about, is that my mother is still talking to my ex’s mom, because both are volunteering to help the orchestra’s organizational stuff.

Its hard because I know the director’s and head staff dont really know about the break up. We were in a way considered the "model" couple with them there, aside from my former, and extremly sexist female brass band director. Another thing thats going to hurt is that I made a good friend. He is only in the 6th grade, but incredibly mature, you would think he was in his mid teens. He always looked up to me and her while there. From what Ive heard, he dosnt have many friends in and out of school, so he really took a liking to us. Several times, he and his family tried to have us vacation with them at their place in the Key’s. I know he’ll be able to understand when I see him again, but its not going to be easy telling him that we are no longer together.

So, its not a matter of "if," just "when." I guess I’m just doing this to myself

Honesty, in a way, yes. Its not because I necessarily dont want to, I have more things I have to worry about, then this. This seems to only come about while Im completly alone and able to just think to myself. Its just not as big of a problem in my life right now in comparison to my responsibilities

Granted, Im able to talk about this here, but in reality, Im not sitting here going mad. If it gets to that point (which I doubt it will) then I’ll make an effort to get my sorry ass to one. My primary reasons right now are:
-Financial
-School
-Time

Another thing is that I dont want to have to explain to ANYONE why Im seeing a therapist…

Then you never would I’m in the process of finding a new therapist. I’m not sitting here going crazy or depressed ripping my hair out, I just love that I can go once a week to talk about the issues deep down that I see really effect my actions and decisions with a completely unbiased, unjudging person
You’re still scared

If you are in college, most colleges have therapists on campus, for free, to the students. As well, they work around your schedule: if you have a lot to do one week, they can push it back to another week.

And you don’t have to explain to anyone why you are seeing someone: it’s hard to get through problems on your own. It’s not as bad as it seems.

But i’m not trying to pressure you into it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t let us tell you what you need to do. You know you better than we do and it’s up to you to figure out how you want to solve this.

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this is a really long story, but in the short, my ex fiance and I broke up a month ago, I fell out of love with her because of what she became towards me a while back, I ended hooking up with someone else a week after and found it wasn’t what I wanted. Now I at first didn’t miss her, because I felt the whole time we were in the relationship I was being controlled and dominated. Now I’ve moved to a new town, and I don’t know anyone here, and I miss her terribly. I also miss out daughter too. What bothers me is she met a guy quickly, and is now having sex with him and letting him be around our daughter alot…the thoughts of someone else loving and playing with MY daughter kills me…because I don’t get to see her much(even though I call her at least twice a day) My ex says she still loves me, and will give up this dude for me again, but this guy is a better man than me. He’s a firefighter, I sit in front of a computer all day, he has money, I don’t have much now, he’s got a house, (i do too but the bank will own it soon), and he has 3 cars…I’ve got 2 one of which is hers. I feel like I can’t compete with this guy and my self esteem is very low now, so what do I want to do? take her back and hope her promise to better towards me is true…

anyway hope this isn’t too short but I really need some advise….
The one way said guy isn’t "better" than you?
He’s not your daughter’s daddy.
Never will be.
Why is he ‘better’ than you? Cause of physical possessions?

That’s low.

A man is a man, regardless of their position at work, or how many cars they own. You, and him, are the exact same thing. Get that straight. He’s no better than you, as you’re no better then him.

From what you’re portraying, it seems like you really don’t care about your ex as much as you do your child (of course). Because she was able to wrap her self up with someone else, jealousy sunk in and you now want something that’s currently unattainable.

However, I feel like you’re doubting yourself. Because of this guys position, his bank account and possessions, do you feel he’d be able to provide for your ex and child better than you could / have? Are you afraid that he’ll be a better care-taker than you?

That’s where you have to man up and understand the situation. Fuck bank account and materialistic shit, are you telling yourself you’re not a good father? Cause hell, from reading your post, it seems like the most important thing in this world is your child.

You are dad. Remember that.
So…you hooked up with a woman a week after the breakup you initated and a month later she meets a new guy and you are pissed? Hypocritical much?

The bigger point is-stay in contact with your daughter. In the meantime, fix your life and make it one you can be proud of so you’re not comparing yourself to this new guy. Getting back with your ex fiancee is not going to help your self-esteem nor will all your problems fade away. You said you fell out of love woith her, so now it is just jealousy that is fueling your feelings and they would never last. The breakup was obviously a good thing because you can now no longer hide all the cons that are your life behind the comfortablilty and stability of your past relationship.

Now you have to become someone any woman would desire to be with and a man that you would respect. And more importantly, fix your life up for your daughter’s sake.
Both of you are right….I will never not be my child’s dad and thats the one reason why my ex still loves me….if I tell her right now I wanted to try this again she’ll do it…she still loves me, even though said guy is better in those ways, she always has said none of the materialistic shit matters…and if money is a factor, I have started a new job where I’m making more than I ever have in my life…where even after the 800 dollars of child support comes out i’ll be taking home more than I did at my last job…

heres a quick run down of the time line..

I met her 3 years ago, things went fast..july we met, sept. we were a couple, jan. we were engaged, feb. we were pregnant and living together… I had never been in any relationship before this, so it was all new to me. My mom died sept. of that year and I went and found another job and moved us to a small town 4 hours from all of our family…..that pretty much ruined it. We got broke from me buying a house, she got addicted to pain pills to make me seem further away, we both got put on lexapro, then I got fired from my job 2 months ago….that started the downward spiral of shit that is my life now.

but dreams2reality is right..I need to man up and realize i’m an awesome dude, I know i’ve got issues with my self image and self esteem, and I seriously need to talk to a therapist. I also need to find myself again or figure out who I am…but the main thing is..I do still love her, and I love my daughter..
Maybe your jealous because she just went out and got a piece of ass, and she is in a relationship? More details on what she became….

wow…

well, for starters, what is up with this concept of a "better" man? it’s sooo weird because i was recently told i need a "better" man [than my ex] a few days ago.

from what you posted about your daughter, it seems to me that you’re a damn good father. you call your daughter 2x a day!? shit, i’d be impressed with a few times a week. material things, regardless if you can afford them or not, shouldn’t be use to win over the love & affection of another.

thanks for posting all the personal information. to be honest with you, i really agree that you need to work on your self image and self esteem, and talking to a counselor would probably help. in addition, your ex probably needs to do the same. you guys have had quite a rough 3 years.

i wanted to comment about the fact that the two of you still love each other. well, i’m a big advocate of fighting for what you want in life. if you are in love with her and she’s in love with you, then fight to be together! take the time to work on the relationship. go to a couples counselor together and/or alone and put forth the effort to see if you can work things out. i’m not saying for your daughter’s sake because the two of you can co-parent if the love’s not there. if honest, true, real feelings still exist do whatever it takes to see if you can rebuild the relationship.

at least you won’t have to worry "what if" if it doesn’t work out.

i still think the first step for the two of you is to work on fixing yourselves individually.

QFT.

Cliffs: The three most important statements below are in bold letters, large font.

My opinions about marriage and divorce comes from being a child of divorce, and going through one myself.
Things I learned from living through two divorces, and from many happy yeeears spent in a long-term, successful marriage:
*Marriage can work for any couple- as long as both people are working together toward a common goal- the success of their SO, and as such, the success of their marriage.
Mary Poppins, and Freddy Kruger could be happily married, if both were committed to compromise, supporting one another, and making consistent, beneficial contributions to the marriage.
*Marriage is a two way street, but it never= 50/50.
Like most streets, at certain times during the day, there’s lots of traffic on one side, while the other is almost abandoned.
As long as one person isn’t always the one with the traffic, the marriage will work.
*Just as so many ppl seem to be doing with their jobs in recent years, many couples decide to bail out of their marriage when it’s no longer "fun" most of the time.
*Life and marriage should be fun, and both can be, but there are going to be challenges along the way, as well as periods that’ll be downright miserable.

*This includes, but is not limited to- teamwork, support, elimination of unnecessary drama, maintaining a united front against all others*, and a healthy sense of humor. (*Including parents/in-laws)

Guys- When your SO is venting, she doesn’t want/expect you to fix w/e it is she’s venting about- she just wants a sympathetic ear. When in doubt, ask her to clarify whether she’s venting, or if she’s asking for your help. Either way, whether she’s right or wrong, you should take her side whenever possible.
Girls- Guys are ego fed, ego driven, creatures. They want a SO that’s proud of them, and one who’s their biggest supporter. Be his cheerleader. Avoid hitting him in his masculinity whenever possible.
For both-

(Professional counselors, Ministers/Priests, psychologists/psychiatrists, trained counselors, etc, are the exception.)
Only bring up "faults" when it’s a necessary part of trying to fix something, which left to continue, will negatively impact your relationship. Any other finger pointing is a waste of time, and will only serve to tear your relationship apart.
*No one needs criticism and negativity.
Most of us are our own biggest critics, and we all get plenty of negativity thrown at us from ppl who don’t love us, as well as from those who may, but are still quick to take any opportunity to criticize, using the excuse that they have our "best interests at heart".
*Tread lightly when discussing problems, try to stick to the subject/issue, and never start a sentence with a "You always", "You never", "I always", or "I never". That’s how most accusations begin, and it’s human nature for the listener to get defensive before the statement is finished.

Last, but not least-

And really mean it.
At least once a day, but nlt several times a week, look for something your SO does, has done, or is doing, and just thank them- it really is just that easy. Ladies, thank him for taking you out to dinner, and guys, thank her for going with you.
This one simple little practice does two things- It makes a couple look for positive things in their mates and marriage, and sends the message to one’s SO that their efforts are noticed and appreciated.
It helps prevent the resentments that come from feeling that they’re being taken for granted, and a sincere pat on the back is always appreciated.

This one little thing makes such a huge difference- it should be a normal part of every relationship! Over time, when people get used to looking for good in their mate, it becomes a habit. The reward is a happier marriage, and a happier family.

this is freakin awesome! i’m totally emailing this to myself!
hey guys….well we talked, and all she wants is the chance to show me she loves me again, and I still love her….I brought up the material stuff other guy has and she says she is not concerned with that, that she’d rather be with me, and have us as a whole family and be broke than to be with someone else, be an incomplete family, and have everything….. I still love her alot, I miss her and my daughter, so we are going to take things slow…and try it again. If its meant to be, then you know what we have seen that we can handle a major bump in the road….I know both our families are going to think we are crazy….but its not them we are looking to make happy…its ourselves. And yes I will be seeking counceling, i’m working on my self image(working out, walking, eating better) and with that I will feel better about myself, just knowing she picks me over someone else that I feel is better helps…

Thanks guys….this was my first time posting in the asylum, but i’ve always come here when I need a good read…its helped me out alot.

now I so can’t wait to get on the road tomorrow at 12 to see them….we’ve got a big weekend planned…

Gray

Happiness really doesn’t come from money, or stuff.
I’ve lived through times where I had a lot of disposable income, and times on a tight budget. Of the two extremes, I am happiest when I’m able to pay the bills on time, have a few "fun bucks, and enough left over to save for those rainy days. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, even in our current economy, for virtually any normal, healthy person to earn that type of living.

If you really think that other guy is "better", there is no reason why you can’t meet, and exceed his accomplishments! I love that you said you were going to be working on your self image.
Make you be the best you possible, but don’t ever stop growing.

Think back to the times when your work days seemed to fly by. For most of us, those days were during the first few weeks, when we’re learning.
Try to get into a career that’ll continue to challenge you, and one that offers potential for growth within the company. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of offers from other companies, (lateral moves), that offer greater growth opps, but don’t burn any bridges along the way.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.
It won’t be easy, but then again, nothing worthwhile ever is.

congrats! i hope everything works out well for all three of you!
everything did go well, but she decided to come clean to me and tell me the whole other man thing was made up just to make me jealous and to get me back(she said she tried everything to get me back and that was the last thing she could think of..well it worked..lol)…I don’t really know what to think of all that, but she does love me and she wants me back after all i’ve done to hurt her even though she knows the way she treated me caused me to do what I did to her….anyway I’m sticking it out, I miss her, and our life together when it was good, plus I want to be in my little girls life as much as possible, I spent the day sunday chasing my daughter around the beach all day and I enjoyed it… Her dad supports us while my dad called me a fucking idiot to want to take her back when all he cares about and has cared about is us getting married because we have a child and are (gasp!) unmarried…(my relationship with my remaining family is another looong story for a good therapist)

one thing that I know I have to work on is the money does not equal happiness thing…its just that the person I was before I met her had pretty much all I wanted due to spending everything I had when I got it(20k in a fixed up import car, tons of useless crap that has since just sat in boxes and moved many times) I’m really bad with wanting material stuff, I can’t help it, It goes back to my upbringing of not having much when I was a kid and have champaign tastes on a beer budget. Like right now, I’m behind on all my bills dues to losing my job, I cashed out all my retirement stuff to get moved and get set-up and then what do I do….I go out and pay cash for a motorcycle just because it was availiable and I always wanted one…now I love riding, that made me happy, but it was the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I realized that when I spent the last 2 weeks being super broke because I didn’t leave myself with quite enough money to get moved with…. plus I really need to be saving money and getting bills and credit cards that are in collections paid off…plus one really major thing thats going to happen in the next 6 months is I’ll be either filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy or letting the bank foreclose on the house I bought. Now my no-longer ex knows all this and tells me she truly does not care about the money, about having nice stuff, she gets tired of me wanting to buy her stuff all the time…so I guess she really wants to stick with me(which is hard for me to understand because of the whole low self esteem thing)

I will, as soon as I have the extra money, seek some professional counseling to help me figure out why I am the way I am, and why I also feel the need to put others happiness before my own, why I keep everything bottled up inside and don’t express my feelings to those who do care about me, and to be bothered so much by what people who are not in direct contact with my life think of me and what I have. She also is going counselling now to help her thru some of her mental issues, and we will seek counselling together once we get moved in together again…

anyway guys thanks for the help, the more I think about it all the better I feel, she has to get past the issue of me sleeping with another woman after she and I broke up(she understands for the most part of why I did it, but still it hurts her) and I have to get over the fact the the crackhead, sit on the couch all day and take pills to push me away is really gone, and to drop the walls i’ve put up to protect me from that person and know the woman I fell in love with is back for good..(she better be, cause i’m not going thru that nightmare again, and If I have to i’m giving up on her for good)

take it easy everyone….thanks again for the help….

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