be a social butterfly, it’ll increase your self confidence, and thus make you less shy.

im still working on myself btw… its just a matter of pushing yourself.

I find that drinking makes me incredibly less shy.
Actually bars are the perfect place to become less shy.
Bartenders are the best people to be un-shy to.

Although side note so I don’t get eaten alive, I dont condone a drinking problem. Maybe just a loosening up alternative until you realize that some people will love you either way.
There is actually alot of ways to get through this if it is a serious problem in your life.

A couple are Medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Benzodiazepines (Valium,Rophynol and a list more) are routinely prescriped for people with anxiety problems although they are incredibly addictive and a hell to get off of them when you are. They work amazingly well for dealing with social phobia. But they are just a crutch.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a way you challenge your automatic thoughts and reason around them.
Have a look into them.
Drinking is known to be a "social lubricant" meaning it makes social interactions easier. However, for the really shy, it can easily become such a crutch that the person develops a real, serious problem with alcohol.

I would suggest you stay away from alcohol or any other drugs for that matter because it’s kind of like tickling the neck of a tiger….you might get away with it for awhile but the risks are just too high.

Usually shyness is based in low self esteem. So work on that. Perhaps you need to start exercising or build up your self esteem by throwing yourself into your studies and excel at those…or sports or w/e. I know from personal experience my shyness goes away as I get to know people.

One way I’ve found to overcome my shyness is to force myself to talk to lots and lots of people. It doesn’t matter so much what we talk about just that I’m "in the moment" and not thinking about my shyness. When I stay in the moment, I’m participating in the discussion. Anyways, the more I do this the more my shyness subsides.
Just like anything in life you have to go out and do it to get better at it. You’ve already realized that your shy so keep it in mind that you want to make a change in your life and use that to motivate yourself.

You could try making up some weekly goals for yourself like going out and meeting X amount of new people or visiting X amount of new places that you didn’t consider to be the kind of place you would normally goto.
This may not work for everyone, but has for me.

Used to be very, very shy. So I got a job that put me in constant contact with people – just making coffee/waiter kind of stuff. I found that after about the second day I was able to laugh and joke with people without giving it a second thought.
It’s not easy, but most of the stuff in this thread is pretty good. Obviously bars are only good if you bring some friends with you.

I’ve had mixed results with alcohol though. At the precise amount, I’m totally outgoing and lively, but too little and I’m even more shy, and too much means I’m a physical wreck (like three weeks ago). Actually the last couple of nights have been my favorite, and I went to them sober. So I wouldn’t count on it, but you can try it if you’re curious.

The key is to break your boundaries. This is the hardest part. But if you work on whatever is bothering you/holding you back, it’ll help you on this point quite a bit. If you’re worried about doing the talking initially, just ask some questions about the person.
for girls, start by talking to ugly chicks then when you feel good with that move on to better looking ones.
I think tuvok really nailed it for you – clean and simple.
I used to have pretty bad social anxiety, this was at a time when I was pretty down on myself. I started eating better, working out a lot, and physically felt awesome. It was amazing how after that I immediately felt more confident with talking to other people I didn’t even know.
shyness is just a physical manifestation of fear. Just understand that not everybody is looking at you or judging you for the things your doing and just get out there and do it.

Shyness unless debilitating can only be done away with by yourself. Nobody else can give you the tools.

That only made it worse for me because I’m now overly critical and won’t even take my shirt off at pool parties.

???? You got in shape and were afraid to take your shirt off?

Lmao, I was wondering the same thing!

Now, if YOU said you were taking off your shirt, I’d be there!

Me either, I draw a blank sometimes. It depends who the other person is. Some people put me at ease immediately, others have a massive wall up and I feel like someone just dropped the temperature in the room by 100 degrees.

If I feel uncomfortable, I just flip my sunglasses over my eyes (which I usually wear on my head all the time), and I quickly tell them it was nice meeting them, but that I must go and meet someone (which is true….meet….someone else).

If I’m forced into the conversation I have a standard set of questions and answers I use.

Isn’t/wasn’t it a beautiful/miserably gray day?
So how do you know so and so?
I like your attire, nice shirt, skirt, pants, tie, where did you get that?
I’ve heard a lot about you, don’t worry it’s all good things *laugh*.

I try to be sincere with people, but frankly you sometimes have to just fake it and be polite and then remove yourself as soon as possible. It depends on context really. During formal events, I’ll be polite, if it’s informal I usually just extend my hand, shake, and say I must go, take care.

I was the same way. I was in incredible shape, but it was never good enough. I was obsessive. My BF% was always to high even when it wasn’t. Body-image issues and obsessive/anxiety thoughts are a bitch.

I’m still affected to this day by it. I’m not comfortable in my skin, it’s one of my problem areas.
I used to have the same problem. I still do, but to a lesser extent.

You just need to take a deep breath and ignore your inhibitions. It’s extremely hard at first, but people are social. They will respond to you. It gets easier with time and doing it over and over again.

That shit has changed recently. i broke 190lb last month, and I’ve been really happy with my physique…lol.

Glad to hear it chief.
meh, i don’t think ever really get over it. you just kind of have to not let the feeling prevent you from doing that which you want to do.

it’s natural having feelings of general uneasiness around those you don’t know very well or in unfamiliar situations. you just have to push through, give it an honest effort and if it doesn’t pan out, move on.

for all you know, the person you’re approaching is feeling the same thing and may really really want to talk to you, but is nervous and uncomfortable. do them a favor and try to start a conversation. there have been plenty of shy people that open up with the quickness when i try to talk to them. heck, i’ve been that shy person who opens up when approached.
I used to be REALLY shy. I did things to boost my confidence. I bought a bicycle>trained for a triathlon>been racing tris for 3 years. I’ve spent time in Judo and Hapkido getting my ass kicked repeatedly, and boosting confidence. My "anti-drug" is to beat myself down physically, so to speak, so I come back stronger and 100x more motivated.

Because I became involved with many different things, I found people of similar interest and made many new friends. Just gotta get out there bro.
You need to improve your self-esteem, and then i’m going to say the most used and tiring cliché ever; Just do it. Like EVERYTHING in life you become better the more you do something.
If you’re scared that’s fine. Don’t try to fight the fear, accept that you are scared but also realise that it’s natural to be scared.
Don’t use alcohol.

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1. social shyness problem So lately I have felt a need to break away...

Might be a cry for help but I have no intention of going back to where I was.

Fuck this life.
1-800-SUICIDE

CALL NOW. Or go to the ER.

What’s going on scottymcc?

Bipolar. Ultra Radian + Mixed Mania + etc.

I’m in India and the one med which worked is failing. I am done with this shit. The ER here won’t do jack shit. The last time I saw a doc on this I had to lie to stop being sectioned. Fuck this.

I’m 14 yearsd into an illness that really had no mercy, Thoughts coming into my head are rampant, it’s kinda like someone talking to you very quickily and there’s no getting aways.

14 Fucking years of this shit. I know what is coming. I am done with this shit.

Fuck life.
Looking for my shrinks number. Gotta love it, I have it in a cell phone I use in the UK and it’s out of power. I can’t find the fucking adapter.

I need to talk to someone IRL.

Man I’m really sorry to hear you’re suffering and that you don’t have access to help. What do you need? To get out of India? Is that even possible right now? Can you get back to the UK where there are docs that can help you….even if it’s just for awhile?

Don’t give up man. Life is worth living…..don’t quit. I know it’s difficult right now but please hang in there and find the help you need. Don’t let the docs there dismiss you before the treat you. Be assertive and help them understand the gravity of your situation.

You will be in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon!
if you get to t his thread first, check your PM for my AIM, and we can talk through there or i can give you my number if you want, but i figure that is more difficult since you are out of country.
So I seem to have had a fight with my father, gotta love him. I try to talk to him and my mom about killing myself and hits out with all kind of shit.

I have no love for the guy.

I talked to my mum and she is pretty adamant that she will stay with me the whole night. Lost the damn number of my shrink, will probably visit the hospital tomorrow but the truth is there are no drugs they can give that will work.

This royally sucks ass!
A good reason why you shouldn’t commit suicide.

When i was at that place were you were now, i thought that suicide was the only thing left for me. But then i came to think: this is the easy way out, but its not the right way how to deal with problems. You can’t commit suicide for each and every problem that you face into your life, you will just get reincarnated and will have to live that entire shitty life AGAIN! with all the pain accumulated up till the point were you commited suicide, and step over that hurde in order to proceed with your life.

When i was suicidal i was so self centered on all my problems, i didn’t even see how much my family would have got hurt and the misery my family would have to go thru. I live even if its just for my mom.

What you need right now is a serious reality check, those medicines are symptom suppressors and not problem solvers, you need to goto the root of your problem, and tackle it. You haven’t told us your story really yet on what the hell happend to your life, but its better that you spit it out to blow off some steam. Going to the hospital is step 1, getting medicines is step 2, getting psychiatric help is step 3. Analyzing and talking about the problem, and then with help from everyone tackling this problem together, you don’t have to be alone in this man, were here to support you.
AND stay away from your dad, actually stay away from everyone that doesn’t support you, what you need right now is people who understand and support you.

Staying away from him is impossible right now. I did find out that there are no facilities here for people with these problems, visitied my PDoc and he’s offering to meet with me whenevr and give me abode for some days in the hospital.

Changed the prescription a bit too, moving on to Klomazepam or whatever..sorry I am pretty much out of it after the Benzos I was given. I really have no idea what’s going on now and rely on spell check to give some kind of coherent message.

It waqs always comming but I think Canibal Holocaust didn’t help/

I understand your intentions are noble but for me it is ultimatly about quantity ovrer quality, the benzos m,ay help and nbe less damagng than drink …damn my english is getting worse and worse. This shit rocks!

Toaking my fasther to the shrink nedt week so they can chat. Hopefully talking to a professional in this field who knows me for severtal years will give him some insight. Probably won’t change mutch as he’s still to set in his ways but it’s something.

Dhit, my Eglish is all over the place. Benzos, a hell f a drug!
I know how it is to be in your shoes. Start eating by the food pyramid and avoid anything that’s processed. Exercise vigorously. Challenge yourself. Personally, I’ve turned into a health freak and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve gone from always depressed, hopeless and tired to alright, hopefull and energetic. Do green tea (decaffenated), a multi-vitamin and fish oil (omega-3). Also change your perspective and attitude towards life. When I started feeling better and achieving alot I noticed that my attitude towards life was just shitty. Learn to relax just as you learn to focus. I hope that helps
When it rain it pours man, just please and try to keep a positive outlook on life and it will turn back around. There are several people here in this thread that are willing to help you in any way we can. Suicide is permanent, I know it’s pretty obvious, but just work your way through the tough time and things will get better! Just know that you are not alone..
I was just recently in similar shoes, but over a completely different matter, and let me tell you… I am glad I didn’t pull the plug. Why? Life is better than it has ever been, I don’t remember being this happy in about 4 years.
I know this isn’t what you want to here, because you are thinking this doesn’t help me, I am not going to get better, and I am going to die. These are all not true; Infact they are extremely untrue. I went from my parents calling the police on me twice, because they thought I was passed the point in which they could physically stopping, to now not even thinking about sucide. I haven’t even considered suicide in the last 4 months.
If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, or anyone else offering there help. But please! Please don’t give up, it can be oh so much better.

I left you my contact info in your pm box.
Can you possibly get outta India? Sounds expensive but you have a UK mobile… you have to be visiting India from what I gather.

Reason why I say that is that I don’t think Indian mental healthcare, even for the ultra-wealthy, could possibly be any good. I think you’d be doing yourself a favor if you got out.
Have you thought possibly that your shrink isnt working? Ive heard some horror stories but out of the 5 ive had only one was a moron.

This is number 9. I do feel a lot of resentment at some of the rest but the guy worked with me, went on his own time to research my condition were in the past they just said "interesting" and did jack shit.

I noticed though the young ones fresh out of Uni are useless.

Lesrning to relax right now, pretty spaced out so if my English is pretty bad it’s really because I’m a little gubed. My mood changes perhaps 5 -15 times a day. I’d love to get to the gym but social phobia makes it a problem.

Yes, I thank them and you all for the support, having a fast paced forum and advice on hand from as far afield as the US meant and means a lot. Thanks for the guys/girls shooting me PM’s. Getting blood tests towmorrow so I can start something new……hate this shit though, the waiting to see if something will work. Till then I’ll be whacked out on Benzos. One bottle of beer and I’ll be on the floor.

Thanks again, it does mean a lot. The posts in this forum did I guess motivate me to do something as soon as possible. Real problem is having something hitting me for 14 or so years constantly and running out of options. It’s a pretty drug resistant form which isn’t much known about, very little research is being done on this and if drugs work it’s by chance. If things go to shit again I may take you up on your offer, again thanks.

I was surprised at the level of Health care I got here. In the UK you wait for two months to see a doc, then wait again the same amount of time to go back. Here you can see someone within a couple of hours. The PDoc I have worked in the UK NHS. The drugs are cheap as hell – the Nimodipine in hte US may cost $60 a day, here it costs me half that for a month.

The UK won’t prescribe a drug called Gabapentin to me but here I get it and have had the best results…the US also prescribes it for this condition so I’m not sure what’s going on in the UK.

My overall condition can go up and down but overall I have had far better treatment for a fraction of the cost. 1 hour trip to an Ex-NHS doc costs about $3.00.

Last time I went to see a shrink in the UK I was pulled off everything to see what was going on, told to come back in two months to see exactly what was going on…even after telling them. Came back 2 months later and got the same shit. Eventually nearly sectioned for lack of drugs and wanting to kill my father.

Put on some shit that did little sodium valproate, did Jack shit and my new Doc (changed after I flipped) suggested I go to some kind of councilling. The people around me notice a vast improvement in me since coming to India. I can be on the equivellant of $1500 of drugs a month and pay about $40 here.

SOrry if I rambelled, I’m off to take some more of these Benzos –

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What if they created the void or widened it?

talk to no one, or have e-friends. Those are my options.

option 3: learn to integrate socially
I think I spend too much time online/with technology as well. Except the reasons are reversed. The internet addiction isn’t caused by social avoidance, but the social phobia caused me to gravitate towards indirect communication.
the fact that you feel this way is progress, imo

yes, i’m on the forums as well

however, i made it a point to get outside and exercise earlier. I had little desire before I started, but I feel much better now that its over
ok i have to finish my essay which is due at 2pm, it was fun guys.

a: this is the AE of someone in this thread who didnt notice he was logged into his troll account

b: post count++ from a random newb

you decide

I’m going to go with option B

We did it for millions of years, up until about 10-15 years ago or so.

Option 4: pick up some hobbies that require you to be AWAY from a desk/computer.

no way you live in south lake tahoe? i lived there for 7 years.

No related posts.

Just got worse…for those who don’t know I’m bipiolar- ultraradian/mixed manic/flashbacks/psychotic.

Was I wrong following him outside shouting him down? It felt right but fuck him, I felt like grabbing a knife cutting him up then doing myself.

I se my shrink on Monday and he;s coming with me. I’ll give him that, at least he wants to try to understand me.

wow those are pretty intense feelings just for your father being rude to you…. i would say yes you were wrong. you over reacted probably due to lack of sleep clouding your judgement. i would apologize to him especially since he seems to be involved in your life enough to go to the therapist with you. you should feel blessed to have such a dad.

An alchoholic abusive father who takes every turn tio turn your people against you?

32 years of abuse and any one here would stand for it? Ity wasn’t the odd spanking it was take my drunken bad days work out on you till you are black and blue.

There is so much more, the usual is a lot milder, abusive language etc and pushing about.

He is no loss to the world and has shown me today that even though he may go to the shrink with me he has already made his mind up.

He drinks every day to the pint of passing out, belittles my mother, would have attacked her if not for me and my brother being there.

A drunk abusive parent?

The right to have a child may in some ways be seen as god given but the right of that child to be given a good home IS A RIGHT of the child.

HE is no loss to the world. Fuck him, he is making his point clear.

You say what Mr I have a nice famly and can’t relate?

What you don’t get, what I said in the first post is I have an illness or two, one of which is only recognised by science a couple of years ago, I get flash backs 7-9 times an hour and tghat’s probably the best bit, without understanding I will end up killing my father for all he has done.

I asked to be locked up, he got pissed at that, got dsrunk and took it out on my brother. He is worthless, yar, I am too burt at least I c an end one life that cause so much pain to my mom.

Or do you think it’;s cool your dad beating on your mom?
I don’t know what to say. What a fubar situation. Good luck See your therapist, try it out, maybe you can overcome this stuff.

WTF 30+ years, though. Why the hell are you still living there
Please, look up ultradradian/mixedmania/psychosis/flashbacks/etc

Join them altogether. My brother nearly left after two days because of him last holiday.

I have a drug, the one an d only drug that works on me and when getting them in the UK it seems they don’ty do them. I was in a state. My father got angry, drunk, belittled me, made me feel like a whole lot worse.

He is scum.

Trained as a chef, worked away at 21 – 25 but social phobia, paranoia, auditory and primary hallucinations, flashbacks, etc make it impossible to stick a job.

Always ended up in an altercation with the manager.

Bordered on some kind of assault.
Yes, you’re still wrong to follow him out shouting him down, despite all your justifications of how shitty a person he is. You’re feeding into a situation that’s already got you irate. The lack of sleep didn’t help much, I’d say
sorry to ask but are you really 33? your profile says 1975 ?
well dude, trust me ive been there.. a little background on me

alcoholic stepdad who was way too young to be my parent, had serious control and dominance issues.

when i was 10 he married my mom, i used his credit card to order some petty shit off the internet that totalled less than 80 dollars. i got the living shit beaten out of me (i was slipping in and out of conciousness) was verbally humiliated, degraded etc. on a semi daily basis for the better part of 5 years.
i would always justify that he was such a d-bag, i hated him etc. blah blah.

when i was about 16 i realized that yes, he was a really shitty father, a horrible role model, but alot of our fights at that point were because not only was he STILL punishing for what i had done 6 years ago, but i would just argue right back with him..

granted i STILL think its fucked up to come home to your 17 year old stepson obviously in a rage from a bad day at work, and literally walk around the house looking for something wrong so you can yell and punish your stepson.. i mean seriously, he would come in and YELL "im gonna bust your ass for something"

what did i do? go the fuck out of the house, went to college, made a life for myself. he is still a douchebag and yells at me and tries to make me feel guilty for having a life in college, the last time i went home he brought me outside and said

"your fucking up my life and your moms by not coming home. your tearing our family apart"

i just gave the said "i understand" to everything he said, drove away laughing and called my gf to tell her how much of a psycho he is

all that said you have to realize, that YOU make alot of the situations worse whether you want to justify it or not… he probably just came to check on you to see if you were ok, i mean shit it was 6 am, he obviously DOES care about you if he went to therapy and supported you… when i was in middle school my school MADE me go to therapy because all my teachers said i needed it bad… me and my mom went, after 2 sessions the therapist said "well, its obvious most of your issues stem from problems with your stepdad, we need to get him in to work through this" we went home, said "hey the therapist said you need to be involved in a group discussion" he said "im not going, theres nothing wrong with me, your just a fuck up and your trying to make me your problem"

I understand you’re new and all, but this is not the main forum. If you’re not going to be constructive, find yourself elsewhere.

We teach our kids a shit load of stuff, maybe not to go out to a 7/11 and blow away some dude but anger, the way to deal with a situation, etc..we teach our kids some ways to cope with life and some ways come back to us.

This guy has given me and my family grief over 32+ years. Should I not be aloud to be a bit pi9ssed off for the first time, have him on the back seat and enjoy it?

32. Unable to live by myself though for 3-4 years I tried.
[quote=deuceforty;98821385]

For not being as good a human being as him? A total benign situation here, but we have a stray dog that comes round, one time it’s don’t feed the dog in an an angry tone, the next he interrogates me why I didn’t feed it. He is full of indecisions which hurt the family, always have. He gts drunk most nights of the week pishes all over my mother and embarrasses anyone he sees beneath him. He is scum.

This isn’t about being wrong at 16 it’s about being right and having to play a subordinative role to fit in with society.

For me it’s not an issue but for my my brother it is, he near left from India to England after one day with him last he he was out, he is no father to me just a figure in the family but no head of any family. It may sound weird but after looking over my feelings I find if I lost him my only concerns would not be about grief.

Dude. I’m jealous, I wish I could walk away. but try this, 6-10 flash backs an hour, can’t leave the house due to social phobia, auditory and primary hallucinations, etc, etc… I can’t get away from his shit. I near took a screwdriver to him a few nights ago.

It might to be be great to get away from it for a while but try 14 years of the same damn shit. Put your head phones on, on a talk show, now try thinking of it sped 5x as fast and live that way with nothing but your own company for years.

There;s a whole lot more..

No, he passes out from the booze at a certain time and comes to the door and hammers it. Even after what happened, he said he would show a little more respect and try to help…..does he fuck! He comes down in the morning’s and smacks the shit out of the door….BTW- IF back in the UK I would be in a Mental Ward not working for this cretin.

It’s true.

Never once been to help me, talk about it and he walks out the room

my dad was an abusive drunken coke-addict rapist so no i dont think it was cool him beating on my mom but this thread is about you

maybe you should have explained the situation better in the first post? and you cant kill someone and blame it on an illness, especially when you are posting about it in here, that means it was premeditated

You’re an ’06, you should know better.
There is a lot of anger in your heart.

Your father and mother are with you for life.

It may break your brain to hear this, but you must learn to love your father.

After years of abuse, you must love him.

If someone hurts another person, that person should not hurt back in return.

The world would be full of hurt if it worked that way.

If your father hurts you, you must love him in return.

If he goes back and hits you when you love him and express your love for him, then love him more.

This is not to be taken out of context in a crazy way, rather a normal way. Love him by not getting up and yelling at him.

I mean you are up at 6 in the morning. I’m up past 9:26 and no sign of sleep in the last 24 hours, my father would be pissed if he knew it.

But anger coming out of my heart because he had a bad reaction to what time I stayed up until is not correct. It is wrong to yell at anyone.

It hurts you. You need to close the door to hate and open the door to love.

32 years. Let bygones be bygones. Shocking to hear? Let it. Why not let yourself have a miracle where you turn around and start loving the man, and he will not know what to do and cry, because he will not be able to comprehend why you still love him.

Love him. If he’s acting like a boy and hating, you act like a man and love him. Even if he is your father.

Anything else is an excuse from a poor part of the mind that I don’t even want to hear. Everyone is tired of everyone else’s psychological song, it’s time to start singing a new tune man.

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-> went to first year university, had a blast

-> partied a bit too much first year, felt vindication for studying so hard, and now I had a social life

-> got a gf, the first person I’ve ever cared about, she was in the same situation as me, I kind of became a recluse

-> stopped going to class because of social phobia, I just hung out with her all day

-> failed first year university as a result and got kicked out (shitty, because I was really close to passing, and I got an A in 2 courses)

-> she dumped me last summer for another guy, I was depressed and existentialist this whole year about it

-> wasted this past year doing nothing but playing wow and doing a few mediocre jobs (while lying to my parents that I was still in school)

-> didn’t get back into school for this upcoming year, I’m basically isolated in that town with like 2 people to talk to (ex gf that hates me), no reasonable future, nothing

-> I’m feeling dumber each day, I finally quit wow, but it’s just not enough, I can’t find a job, I’m socially isolated, I lose friends easily after an intense fun period at the beginning of meeting them, and I’m still slightly bothered about my ex because it was the only time I had that kind of interaction with another human, and it just broke my heart at the end of it, and she doesn’t even talk to me anymore for no reason.

I don’t know where to take things. I can’t waste another year of my life. I’m already 20, with a whopping 1.5 credits in university, no useful work experience, no friends, and there’s nothing in sight despite me wanting to change all of this.

I just need some suggestions.
It just seems to me that you lacked direction in life and went with anything that was thrown your way.. You feel that way because you didn’t feel in control of your life. I’m guessing you picked a major in school that you were never passionate about?

It’s never too late to find what you want to do in life..Remember, you only get one chance at life, so why not figure out what really interests you…and go for it.
*Get back into school. Any school.
*Make sure WOW is never even an option.
*MAKE yourself go out and do social things. Find organizations around town. Go to the gym and workout.
*Stop contacting your ex in any way.

Edit: Duh, definitely find a job. A job that requires you meet people. Being a server at any restaurant can make you money and also force you to meet a lot of new people.
A) it’s summer….get a job any job where you work a minimum 40 hours. I would suggest you get 2 jobs. Hell you’re young, you’ll live! I did and so did thousands of other people.
B) As you progress through the rest of the summer, follow beer’s advice.

Well I have to wait til the winter to get back into school, because my parents are still paying for rent in that university city, I’m just subleasing for the summer. I can get back into my original school, I just need to get a professional psychiatrists letter about my social phobia.

Either way, I’ve decided I need to just get my shit in order the next few months before winter semester. If I go to school right now, I’m worried I’ll mess it up again unless I’ve developed somewhat since last time.

She doesn’t want to talk to me for some reason, so it’s not like I can talk to her if I wanted to. It bothers me as to why. I have a new gf now, but we’re kind of on the rocks and going nowhere, I’m going to officially dump her the next time I see her.

The thing about work is, that I’ve never worked retail at a place. I worked at a grocery store with my gf for 2 months this year, but it ended kind of badly with the manager, so I don’t have a reference there. The few jobs I’ve had are office agency type ones, and it’s usually only for 2 weeks max. I’ve applied to one or two agencies here, but they’ve only called twice in 2 months, and it was to a place I really don’t know existed. I don’t have a car either, so it made it 100x harder.

Everyday I check websites, I look around community centers/libraries for postings once a week, I ask around from people I know. I know it’s necessary, but I also know that a job won’t fix everything in my life. Most likely, like all my other jobs, I’ll have to wake up early, travel an hour, and most of the people (if not all) there are going to be 40+.

If I found a job, it’s 99% guaranteed that it won’t be social.
So you’re making excuses as to why you can’t work. Great….that’s a sure fire way to failure.

Get out of your comfort zone and go to work. You don’t have to drive an hour, find a job you can walk to. There are literally thousands of small businesses around that you can work for….and don’t over look public transportation, riding your bike and walking.

You’re young, you’re supposed to be working various odd jobs so get out there and go to work!

I know a job won’t solve all your problems but it doesn’t matter. You’re lazy and you need to bust that up. You need to work not because it will fix all your problems but because there’s literally no greater motivation for working hard at school than working shitty jobs. We’ve all had them.

So apply for 10 different jobs today. Do the same thing tomorrow. Notice I didn’t say, look for 10 different jobs I said APPLY. You’ll find something soon.

No there really isn’t in this town. It was poorly built. We’ve had a 25% growth in population in only 4 years.

There’s no offices since it’s classified as a town (with 250,000 people lol) and it isn’t allowed. There’s only retail, which I’ve applied to a billion times and been turned down for having no experience. If you have your job here, you keep it. It’s basically just a suburb with houses, and people commute to other far off towns to work.

I want a mediocre office job, but there’s no bus routes to the place that I’ve gotten into. If I wanted to go there, it’d probably take 4 hours by bus, where it’s only 30 mins by driving. (which isn’t an option).

I don’t want to say I’m making excuses here, but I got jobs alot easier in my university town. I’ve been looking closely at jobs downtown toronto, which would better suit to me, but I haven’t found any.
Um……what about fast food places. You can usually pick up a job from those type places pretty easily. Not to mention, I rarely see people 40+ working in those places so it would also be an opportunity to meet new people close to your age.

Do whatever it takes to get your butt back into school!!!!!! You cant really get anywhere in life anymore without some sort of degree.

I thought business was open to whatever. It didn’t matter what I did as undergrad as long as it wasn’t completely useless.

I did enjoy some of the material in class, and during this past year I reread alot of stuff I didn’t bother with in first year. I really wish I tried. I’m going to try and get back into the same program again.

I can’t say I’m passionate about all of it, but it definitely excites me at times.

Your situation is similar to mine.

Brief cliffs:

Was always really smart, but was incredibly bored with the slowness of highschool, so would skip a lot. Still passed though. Went to university, where I’d skip a lot, and wound up doing poorly because of it, and dropped all my classes in the second semester of first year.

I wound up working various jobs for five years, often considered suicide, etc. I went bankrupt after two of those five years.

Eventually, I got a decent paying (although shit) job, and worked it enough to save money. I was about to buy a car, and then realized I could go back to university instead.

Since then, I have got straight As (or A+s) in all my classes. I’m taking a triple-major which most people are astonished by. I was the only first-year who got a summer research position, and this year I got a research grant under the supervision of the head of the department. All of my supervisors have been impressed and happy with the quality of my work.

All of that, I can credit to my experiences after I dropped out of university. I learned that life wasn’t easy or fair, and if I wanted breaks, I had to make them happen. I learned a work ethic, and to show up every day, whether or not I thought I could get by skipping a class or not.

The point of all that is to tell you that things can and will get better, and that even your hard experiences are benefiting you.

I suggest that you focus on building your life, one step at a time. Find out what you want to do, and never let anyone deter you, especially not a woman. A woman who truly cares about you will both understand and agree that your education/work is important, and that you need to go, even at the expense of plans/time with her.

Get.A.Job.

Any job.

Doing anything.

You have no idea how much of an impact employment has on your psyche. Being self-sufficient is virtually a panacea for depression.

it always matters as an undergrad. Grad school is competitive. You need to be able to make a better case than the other guy as to why YOU should be admitted. What you take, how well you did, etc, is all a factor.

Also, while I’m not certain about business, in the sciences, you need a MINIMUM of 3.30 GPA to get into a grad school, often it’s closer to 3.6 or 3.7

You’re not actually getting out there and applying, you are just whining and browsing online for openings. Get out of your comfort zone, things aren’t just going to fall into your lap. Stop thinking you have to work in an office job. I call bullshit that there aren’t at least 5 restaurants within a 5 mile radius.

Get a bike. Gas prices are high, but you live near a university so I KNOW there are tons of easy jobs available near you. You can bike to work. My friend does it and he saves incredible amounts of money while also staying shape.
Alright alright I manned up and applied again to a few place. People always say you have to really stick it in their faces and call again and again. I always thought it was a bit rude, but whatever.

Oh and I can’t ride a bike because of vertigo. As soon as I look down I pretty much fall off and have to vomit.

I hear you about living in Toronto… This is exactly why I moved in here, even though I lived about 30 minutes from Toronto by Gardiner. There are so much more things to do and you really don’t need a car. I do have a car, but I only drive it to work. Grocery shopping, friends, going to the gym, I only use my bike…

What is the part that excites you? The fact that you can make money?… That’s not really a good thing to get excited about if you don’t like what you’r doing.
In all your posts you make an excuse for one thing or another.

You are exactly why I don’t give a dime to homeless people. They’re all like you.

yeah, at this point I’m going to have to say

shut the fuck up and stop your whining

seriously

do you think someone is going to swoop in and solve all your problems for you? Because I got news for you: it’s not going to happen.

Your life is your responsibility. Not anyone else’s. Do you know what that means? It means you prosper or fail by your own choices.

What do you want out of life? Whatever it is, do what is necessary to obtain it. No one’s going to say ‘well, you tried really hard, here you go!’

If you’re wondering why I’m so hard on you, it’s because I spent quite a few years whining about my problems and making excuses just like you’re doing, and it wasn’t until I got it through my own thick skull that I had to do it myself that my life got turned around.
On applying. And yes, call them all in two days, say who you are and ask if they’ve looked over your application yet.

It’s fucking hard man, I’ve been pampered my whole life by my parents. Hell I just went to the library, my mom was like oh no don’t walk it’s too sunny, I’ll drive you when I get home. I didn’t take the drive, but I usually would.

It’s the same reason I’m lying to them about being in school. I like the responsibility I had in my university town, I had to make my own food, do the small things I usually wouldn’t, get myself to work. Just 2 months here has made me receed completely.

I really need to snap out of it. All throughout high school I never had my summer job of my choice, I had a job my dad got me. He never wanted me to work retail or anything because he thought I was too good for it. While I didn’t enjoy working at a supermarket this year, it was an experience.

I’ve been kind of a dick to my high school friends about life. They’re always like hey when you gonna get a car for your own and work and stuff, and I’m like fuck off assholes, I’ve fucked more girls than you and actually have a life that’s going somewhere, plus I actually have parents who give me things. Then I go home and wonder why I can’t get a job, and feel like whiney fuck for feeling like my life is going nowhere.

You guys are right though, there has to be somewhere in fucking bus distance that’s hiring that I can get into. I just need to keep asking around have no barriers from it.

Nah it’s the whole way a unit consummates. You read the chapter, do some examples, learn the different variables.

Then the actual cases on the exam are fun as fuck when you feel that your knowledge is being transformed into something.

I like the course structure. Actual business though, I don’t care much for it.

Probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but I’m not really interested in making money.

I don’t care if my job is something I actually like, I understand it’s just a way of survival. Not very many people like the work they do. You can just make it bearable with the people you work with.

wait wait.

you’re fucking 20 years old and don’t own a car?

And there’s a difference between being pampered and babied.

I don’t know many people who actually own their own car at my age. It’s less than 30%. Again, most people here just take the subway downtown to work. Buses can take you to where you want to buy things. I can’t think of a reason for a car at this age unless you’ve been in the workforce since out of high school and don’t have a tuition obligation.

All the money my parents gave me for this year for tuition, I’ve saved every penny of it. I don’t have any money for myself. I wanted to go out and have fun the past few weeks, but I didn’t. I’m not going to undermine what it was for. That’s the difference between me and a bum.

Welcome to the real world

What backroads city do you live in where you don’t know many people who own a car? Or have a car, that their parents ‘own’?

Ask a bum why he’s a bum. He’ll give you a thousand excuses why he’s there. Keep making those excuses, you’re headed down the right path.
At 25 I’m sure the % that owns their own car in a decent town is like 80%, but when you’re 20 it’s nowhere near that.

Other than the really rich people who’s parents just give them cars, there’s no one that I know of who has actually paid for their own car. My parents have extra money from not spending too much, but they’ll never get me a car. Not until I finish university.

Young people insurance rates/gas prices/good public transport = no reason to get a car in a place like the greater toronto area.

yep, and now its time to grow up. Your parents did you a disservice by failing to properly prepare you for the real world, but that’s your problem now. It’s all up to you to get yourself up to par.
Sometimes you need to take two steps backwards in order to make one step forward.

What was the period of your life when you got de-railed>? its this part

There’s a delicate balance between self-improvement and getting the most out of life. If you constantly sacrifice yourself to study, then your life is like a tasteless meal. Having a positive constructive time , doing something fun gives ‘taste’ to your life. But just like overeating , you can overdo it when it comes to partying.

Meaning you went from one exessive lifestyle to another, from studying to drinking and partying, you went to those parties for a good reason, namely being socially isolated.

It would be best for you to study 73% and party 27%, ,meaning you get the things done that you need to do in life, while not being a total social outcast.

You need to delicately balance how much time you want to spend on certain things in your life. Don’t throw away your entire life on one thing. There’s more to life then just study, there’s more to life then just party. The art is to get a compilation of doing nice positive things and getting things done.

My advice would be to go back to university and finish what you started. But this time in a more balanced way.

When in class don’t care about failing, that’s not the point. Its about understanding that you have your life in your own hands. And that you need to change your life to winning situations(without looking down on others),

Where you get your diploma, where you get a job, and where you establish yourself into this world, and this is going to take hard work, also maintaining social contact is a continues investment of time/effort but you can get social contact in return for it, and again you need to balance out exactly ‘how much’ you want to invest of your time/effort in it.

You need to do tremendous disciplined effort in order to make your life work out materialistically.

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