( IBwhypostupaprivateemailontheinterweb IBwatifsheisamemberandreadsthis)

"I am sorry that it has taken me this long to find time and sit down and respond to you and i hate my self for that. I dont have a computer at home so for now I will just be responding at work…. Thank you for staying positive, If i take my anger out on you I appologize.

I love you Ryan(dats me) I am sorry for everything… Where did US go?? thats a really good question I feel like while I was so centered around being there for you and helping you through that I stopped being me and became someone different… and now I have to find the me that I am now and get on track in order to find an US …. we got tossed aside when we where lost we both became focoused on finding our self and not keeping an us.

I was not mad I was touched. You are so far from last place with me its not even funny. I know you love me I know you care for me and that you would be with me in a heart beat if I would let you …. I know that….. Baby I do. thankyou for answering when i called and talking to me til i fell back asleep and thank you for being you and being so understanding I am sorry to make things so hard on you….

you know when you first asked me for space i thought oh we will be back together in a month or two and then that turned into 6 months and that was soo devistating and to plan things that never happened was just hard to take and then that 6 months turned into 10 and I sat there going where in the hell did this come from i am sorry about everything. I would love to spend sunday with you this weekend if you want to come up and hang out.

I LOVE YOU MY BABY.

My dearest Love,
xxxxx ""

I was leaning towards this. she called me like 10 mins after she sent this email. I didn’t answer, she said she may try to call me again later
She dumped you. Move on.

Institute a no-contact-rule.

Be prepared. She will come after you hard, as nothing spikes a woman’s interest like refusing to have anything to do with her.

This woman is only interested in what is best for her. Given the chance, she will suck you into a relationship that will be even more one-sided than before.

She can’t wait to use you up and discard you.

/thread
what has she done to earn your time and attention?

can you have a relationship with her and still respect yourself?

if you disrespect yourself by giving into her, should other people respect you?

holy cow that email is flowery is shit. I can practically smell perfume coming from it.

But…it’s all style, no substance. Ignore it, just keep going on with your life.

thats what I thought.. It didn’t say anything useful.

Nothing really good point. I just still believe there could be good in her. Maybe I am blind.

I could see it being onesided.
She’s a total user. Make a date with her and then stand her up. Then never speak to her ever again

You sir, win 3 free internets.

Damn Yail that is spot on and really struck a cord with me. I was just with a girl just like that. When I finally dropped her stuff off at her house, that she left at my place, boy was she pissed when she got it. I guess it finally showed her that I wouldn’t let her use me.

OP listen to him in the end it will save you a ton of heart ache. I was just like you too. I fell for this girl hard and connected with her like no other but in the end I couldn’t let her use me like she was. Sometimes I think about her but I know that what I did was right and I still haven’t contacted her and only ran into her once. Shes out of my life and what I gained from it was experience and self respect. I deserve better and so do you.

I kind of already did that, last week she wanted me to go to a Dr apt with her, we talked the night before she got an attitude onthe phone, said she would call me back, never did. So i didn’t go to her appointment, and didnt bother to call to let her know.

She wasn’t always like this, so it makes it hard to believe that’s the way it is now. She finally hit a nerve this past weekend, which is probably the only reason I feel slighty ok with not talking to her today.

wtf, who calls an ex to go to a doctor’s appointment with them? Wait..she’s not pregnant, is she? Does she have an STD?

A needy girl who had a bf that did whatever she wanted.
I think you haven’t lived as a man until you’ve dated a girl who thinks it’s her god-given right to string you along while she "figures things out".

Life is TOO SHORT to be messing around with chicks who don’t have their head on straight.

Don’t respond, don’t call, don’t take calls. As far as she is concerned, you have disappeared off the face of the earth.

Who cares about "you, I, him, her", what you are saying makes sense, but you are entirely trying to feed the ego when you want to feel that person’s interest in you spiked. That only has self interest.

Maybe she is in lust with him and it’s hurting her. In this situation I would advise, yes, that it is time to put an end to an old case, but instead of no contact, have excessive contact that is completely fruitless for her.

But end the pain on her end, don’t spike interest with her by cutting off communication.

Do what I did, just talk to her and say that it’s complicated and hard on you due to the present nature of things.

I just kept on talking to my ex about how I still cared for her but no, I cannot get back together with her now because of this and this engagement etc, I would love to but can’t, but no really I can’t. Entertain her until she doesn’t feel like she’s been officially dumped but she took a break and loss her chance.

Then she will go away, like you really want.

And Yail, you sound wise, in a negative fashion. You know exactly what you are talking about, but fashion that girl to be someone that will use you up and spit you out – yes, if you are foolish enough not to guard your heart, or ignorant enough not to see it coming.

But we grow up from that shit if we learned anything, and recognize, yes if I am a dolt and walk back into this worthless relationship, she will have her way and spit me back out to the curb. Duh. This is nothing we both do not know, she wants to use you up, like kicking off at the side of a pool, she just wants that boon and she’s done with you. Nothing new under the sun.

So we don’t go back. It’s how we don’t go back that makes the whole thing as easy as cake. Admire her, admire the times you had with her, comment her, but let there always be some excuse as why you cannot get back with her, and it’s never in your control.

This way, you both walk away, clean deal, sealed. You can still talk later to her if she grows up, could still get a job and work with her, because you let her off easy.

Note that he is leaving with the upper hand. Let him give it up, at least not lead her on to things. That’s what I see is happening.

You have other engagements that do not allow you to get back with her because "its complicated, it’s difficult, it’s hard", and she will look for explanations. But she won’t want to hear them for long. And then you are really free, and she doesn’t terrible, like we feel when we get dumped.

Do onto others

Its weird how reassuring it is seeing someone type that.

The girl I was seeing wasn’t like that in the beginning either or so I thought. All my friends saw it and hell even my parents saw that it was a one way relationship and that she was using me. I didn’t see it because I was involved and felt really connected to her so in a sense I shut those sensors off and didn’t see it until after it started going downhill.

You need to make up your own mind about this but if any of this rings true for you or if you ever felt like you were being strung along and used while she figures things out. You need to really reread everything that was said here and take the advice doled out. I did and in the long run I think it was the best decision I could have made for myself. Hurt like hell I’m not going to lie to you but it was for the best.

Denial and infatutation are a funny things…

Again more self worship here. Why should online females have to go to a forum to listen to him to save heart ache?

Just don’t give any heart ache, don’t give what you wouldn’t take!

It’s difficult right now (true), it’s hard to explain (true), I have other obligations right now (true, breathing for example). She will not want to hear that for long, as it’s all bullshit to her, she just wants you. So she will go on her way.

And all was fine in the land of Nod.

Caused by desire, he will deny that it would be impossible for her to be using him.

Infatuated by lust, he will not deny her presence.

In the end he gets hurt, she moves on fine, and he may one day tell how to ‘get them back’.

Shag that, there is enough BS in relationships. Be strait up, tell her you have engagements, she will screw off.

You have the least negative advice in this thread completely different from what others have been sharing with me (IRL and online)
I haven’t fully decided what to do. I kind of feel like each relationship has it’s own rules and etc etc.. so the same advice doesn’t always apply?
I am starting to see though, where it seems impossible to be worked out. Keep it coming this is pretty enlightening.
Alright dude cool.

Like this world is full of suffering right? We already know we could walk back into X Y Z relationship and get our ass handed back to us. Knowing that contains a lot of power about how to deal with the entire situation because your goal is to walk out as the nice guy that didn’t get messed over, which is exceedingly rare.

IF you are considering getting back with her, expect NOTHING. Really, have no expectations, and guard your heart.

Each relationship does not have it’s own rules. I’m serious when I say humans are virtually all alike, and that a same set of rules nearly applies to everyone, and I know this because BEEP, Rogers Wireless, Hello my name is X Y Z.

Everyone thinks they are special, they are the valued member. Not really.

Now that being said, each relationship is messed up in the fact that you are bringing two people together, and one person is messed up enough.

So there are rules of engagement. Never become attached to any woman. For them, at that stage, you are nothing but another victim of the vampire. Why? Doesn’t matter now does it.

May I presume you are currently undecided on this one, and you may go back?

If that is the case, it’s time to put practicality into play, and to not expect anything, and to guard yourself, and to call bullshit where it ought to be called.

But not to take it personal, and to make any engagements none personal.

It’s never an US vs THEM. It’s always US relating THEM. You can always just relate in a different manner, such as disinterest, and provoke interest. This is what Yail suggested. Allow me to presume that this is a ‘get me back’ attitude we suscribe to. That’s bullshit, no one has time for those people anymore.

Respecting that person like you would want to be respected.

Say you want to break it off, you don’t want to let her mind be screaming "why didn’t he call me back, wtf happened, what did I DO??", and some love that result. I think it’s kind of sick.

So you have to give the call back, explain the wtf, and make certain that she knows she did NOTHING, even if she did everything.

Do unto others type thing. Forgive her totally mentally, and act like nothing happened physically.

So if you have to go into a couple of e-mails about this situation you have, and that you still have interests in her but cannot pursue her at this time due to those obligations, you are letting her off thinking it wasn’t her, and who likes the blame game anyways?

Plus, if for some messed up reason you need to talk to her in the future (due to "omg i love you again"), you treated her real good, and she might consider taking you back, because she never got you the first time, so you are in fact still having the effect of Yail’s method, the interest is still peaked because she could not get you back, yet you have established relations so you can bridge back to her, and you don’t come off acting as an ass.

Thats pretty spot on and I wouldn’t have seen what I typed as self worship until you called me out on it. It took me a while to see it but I reread what I wrote a few times and you’re right. Though there is one thing you’re wrong about. I’d never give someone advice to ‘get them back’. I don’t believe in trying to hurt the other person. I’d rather just move on with my life without trying to get back at anyone as it serves no purpose. You’re advice may be the best for his situation but I don’t think it’d work in mine.

I have faults and I’m learning about them and working on them as best as I can.

Sorry for the derail OP.

Was actually referring to the impression I received from another user on this forum. You seem Johnny on the Dot werd up
Regardless of whether you were referring to me or not it was spot on haha.
I’m getting better. I got a late start on the relationship stuff so its been a rough 2 years learning stuff I think I should have learned back in highschool. I’ve met some interesting people in the last two years to say the least and its really opened up my eyes.
That’s good. This is kind of end comminuque, but it is unique that individuals can recognize their defects, it is often better that they discover them their ownselves, however the fact is a discovered defect can be a dead defect, and I always appreciate the ability for someone to work on themselves, seriously it is a pathway to greatness. Always put yourself down and raise someone else in return. Sacrifice for humanity, going through trouble you didn’t have to just to make it better for someone else.

We would be in pure Euphoria if everyone did that. Unexpected bliss popping up all around us. Oh, you didn’t need to do that. Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn’t silly willy.

We can never make ourselves happy, we can only make others happy.

Out

No problem, I actually learned a lot from the derail. I really appreciated the in depth explanations in your posts btw.. Likewise to everyone else, I will consider each post.. and may come back with an update once I figure it out.

wow

No related posts.

First off, I make roughly 2800-3000 per month

Rent for a 2 bedroom apt – 820(includes heat and water)
Electricity – ???
Monthly loan payment – 140
Student loan payment – 100
Food – ~300
Fuel for bike – ~$30
Fuel for car – ??? not much since I rarely drive it
Insurance – $120
Personal care – $40
Bike/car maintenance – $30
Cell phone – $40-50

Im sure im missing vital monthly expenses there. I guess if I could save $1000 per month I would be half-assed happy. Ive never really rented a place before, but I really don’t want roommates. I know I would save a lot of money, but I would not be as happy.

Is this doable for me? My bike is brand new and paid off, my car sucks, but it’s paid for. I have 20k in student loan debt and 4k left to pay on my loan. Am I taking on too much by paying 820 for rent? I don’t use much electricity so I assume that bill might be $50 at the most per month. Maybe a lot less?

I could live with roommates, but I have done it before and I usually end up being confined to my room because I don’t get along well with them. Or they are pigs. They steal your food from the fridge. And generally do stupid shit that just pisses me off. I have social anxieties which makes hanging out with the wrong people absolute torture for me. And note, my roommates were friends of mine before we lived together. So im not sure there is a way around it.

Also, I don’t have a lot of furniture. I have a double bed, a couch, tables. Im sure I could easily spend another $1000 furnishing the apartment.

Would just like opinions here

Oh, and most of my money is tied up in long-term investment funds. I have like 4k in the bank that I can access. And a steady job. My paychecks are $1400 – 1600/bi weekly. I have loads of free time to get a second job if I needed.
I make $12-$1300 a month, live alone in a one bedroom apartment, and put $100 in the savings account every month. I live in Iowa. Unless cost of living is tons higher where you live, I see no reason you couldn’t afford to live on your own.
It’s definitely doable. Why not get a 1br for cheaper?
yeah, unless there is absolute reason you need the extra room a single would be just fine.

the difference is not much it seems. A shithole 1 bedroom is no less than 650. A nice, respectable, newer building with a 2 bedroom is 820. Which works out to just over $2000 per year.

A nice 1 bedroom apt in the same building as the 2 bedroom, is 775. That difference is only 540 per year. I like the extra space. For storage if nothing else.

Cost of living here isn’t terrible. Things cost more than average, I think, but its not insane.
definitely doable, i have roughly the same income and expenses you do and am living quite comfortably on my own.

That’s a lot of $ to me, but it’s nice to have some space too. I’m looking to do the same thing. I’d ideally like my own apt but it’s going to be so much money compared to staying with my parents for free.
Sounds doable…and if you don’t like roommates, don’t do it. I too prefer living alone to living with someone and having to worry about their feelings (or mine when they’re pissing me off). It’s well worth the extra $$ (imo) to live alone. I also think you will be happier with a 2-bedroom as you will be able to get some of your extra shit out the way and feel like you have more room to live.

Plus, if you feel like you could save ~$1000/mo, you could probably easily put away a little less than that for a few months, drop some big payments on your 4k loan and pay that off within 6 months and then have that extra $140 to save/spend/etc.

edit: For budgeting, I (personally) would over-estimate gas and food. For some reason, I always spend more than expected there, plus with gas costs going up, you never know. You also have no miscellaneous or entertainment type costs budgeted in there.
What do houses cost in your area? $820 a month is a lot to just be pissing away, you might be able to get a house for the same amount of money. Something to investigate anyway.

he only has 4000 saved, which isnt enough for a downpayment

buying a house is a huge burden and He should pay his student loans off first before buying a house.

IF he’s in canada, housing prices in certain province are rediculous.

If he could find a smaller house with a second door he could rent the basment out.

But i dont see a problem with you living in a 2 bedroom. And i agree with you my friend lived in a 1 bedroom which was the size of living room + kitchen and one bed/

He moved into a 2 bedroom with a friend same building and it was literally twice the size.

I live in Alberta. ‘Nuff said

There are condos for rent in town, 1600/mth + utilities. its just not cheap to live here.

Im also looking at a basement suite. Might be sorta cool. That is only 650 per mth, utilities included. But its a one bedroom. I go to look at it this evening. Might be a complete dive though.
I looked at the basement suite today. Actually not too bad. Private entrance, utilities all included, 650 per month. Its got it all. Landlord seems like a cool shit too. I dunno. Maybe I will take it. I don’t think I can find a better place.
You should be able to do it, don’t forget cost of gas and water bills unless that’s included in rent. Also, do you have any credit card bills that you have to pay?
Definitely doable. I bring in around 2K/month and have a studio that sets me back 600 or so, plus all my other bills, and I’m not having to scrap by.
make a budget and live by it

i make less than you and was renting a place for the price you will be paying and afforded it fine

once he went up to 1200/month i was out of luck

in a 1br now at 700/month and have no doubt at all that i will be ok. my budget has me saving 300/month and like i said i make much less than you and have similar bills

I don’t have any credit card bills. For an apartment, the only added bill is power. I would change out bulbs and do the easy stuff to cut back. Its easy to keep it low. For a basement suite it is all included in the rent. And then internet I have to pay for and cell phone bill would go up a bit and cable if I got it.

Looking at my average month, I really don’t know what im spending money on. I used to save receipts and enter them, but I gave up on it.

I have organization problems which would be solved if I had space to myself. I used to be really good at budgets, but sort of gave up now because I don’t really have to space to comfortably do it.
Dude I’m a Newfoundlander, are you retarded? 650 for an apartment, SIGN LEASE NOW!!!

You know how much money you can make!

As a Newfoundlander I know more about Alberta then Albertans. We are built to be born here, move there for years to take your money and bring it back to the province. You no’ this.

Rent here is 500 single 600 double. I expect a place in Alberta to be 800+, now I know landlords charge us more because of where we come from.

You have a steal.

You’d be crazy not to take that place.

Well then again, I’m an Industrial Electrician, I’d rent free. No idea what you studied or make.
Also your food bill will go down once you buy a crap load of food…

I’m a Newfoundlander too

Part God eh? Glad to have known ya.

Sihn the lease. Make the mohney. Raise the kids ome’ tho by you dun wan ur kids smokin meth or some cracked out sheet out der in Albera, seriusly doh.
If you want to live in 2bdrm have a car that you rarely drive, why not sell it?
It’d be cheaper to get a rental or Flex/Zip car for the rare occasion you ought to have a four wheeled box.

oh yes by’e!

And I wont sell my car. I wont get enough money for it. Its worth maybe 500 bucks. And what is a zip car? Is that the car that is made in Canada but not sold here? And also, we need cars because sometimes its just not practical to ride the bike

You could just cancel insurance and let it sit maybe? Zipcar/Flexcar is not a vehicle per se. It’s a car share program.
have any money put away? with the way real state is right now you could own and pretty much pay the same month as you would for rent

A trailer park home in his province is capped out at 300k because people were charging more all the time.

Wat you talkin bout Willis?

Don’t sell because you will need it in winter.

Maybe kill the insurance. That’s risky though when you need it, chances are you’re just gonna drive.

I doubt you can get your cellphone bill much more, I worked for Rogers Wireless.

Other then that you’re figures are cut there for you, you will be paying that much every month.

You haven’t included entertainment or anything, but an internet connection includes all that.

Didn’t include net fee. Electricity will be around 100 dollars (liberal figure), Cell phone minutes will be going up so that plan isn’t so good anymore, I recommend VoIP unfortunately.

Yet another interference of private commerce by Government of Canada

Only in Alberta, however they are having a housing crisis and people are just abusing it. 300k is still a lot of money.

I like our part-social government. The benefits almost outweigh the taxes. I don’t have to work for 4-5 months out of the year because of our system. The other months of the year I’m loaded with cash. No complaints besides a shaggy medical system that needs restructuring due to loss of good doctors to the US, which I will admit, however there are still respected doctors here, and we just converted medical from 2.3 bill to 3.2 bill here in Newfoundland, so things are getting better.

That’s just the opposite of rich getting richer at the expense of poor.

The free enterprise rights of estate owners are being tampered with by the poor crying to the communism.ab.gc.ca

People have to work hard to get rich in Canada.

As opposed to a family name permanently being born with the golden spoon in it’s mouth.

That’s off topic though.
Sounds like you should be able to afford a place fine. Just make sure you keep at least 2-3 months rent saved up in case something unexpected happens.
I make (collectively) about 2K/mo, with a $1K/mo rent on a 1bedroom 650 sq ft apartment. You make $3K/mo. Yes, you can afford to live on your own
Well I got accepted for a large 1-bedroom apartment. I wanted two bedrooms, but this place I have is actually quite large. Large bedroom, large dining area, large living area, average size washroom. The kitchen is very small, but I wont complain about that. It also has a decent sized storage room.

Only downside I can see is that it doesn’t have a balcony. Oh well I guess. And no pets. I have a cat, but he will have a good home elsewhere.

Rent is 725/mth + power bills. Heat, water and hot water are included. I will be moving in on the 9th. Coincidently, on my birthday

I hope it goes well
IL+1 for giving up your pet, you couldve tried harder

lol, he will just stay at home with my parents. It was a family pet. Would have loved to take him with me, but couldn’t.

The only place that allows pets are townhouses. They are no less than 925/mth + all utilities

There is not a broad range of options here for places to rent. There is only about 15000 people living here.

You’re going to have to wait and save a bit if you’re going alone, with the way the market is right now. I’m in AB too, so I feel your pain, haha

I’m in Calgary, renting a 1bdrm 650 sq ft apartment for $1000/mo.

Thing is, it was quite ‘reasonably’ priced, when compared to what was available

I don’t get why Calgary is so expensive. Ednmonton is not bad. Fort Crack is just out to lunch. Areas like Cold Lake, Bonnyville and Lloydminster are decently priced. I live in Lloydminster. Jobs are plentiful here but there is also a lot of demand for housing. Just a few years ago a nice townhouse could be had for 600 a month. Now its like 1000.

Im growing sick of this town, but finally I have a decent job so I want to stick it out for a bit. Alberta in general is just a big rat race

calgary is expensive because we have a negative vacancy rate

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