It’s been difficult but are these available for purchase?

Is there any chance in the world that these can be obtained?
Its exactly because of its killing ability that you won’t find it in your local supermarket, suicide is pointless in that you just get reincarnated and will have to live the live you hate AGAIN for all those years up till the point that you commited suicide, and bridge over that gap again. You might hate life, but you shouldn’t want to go thru this life again. Throwing the towel therefore in the ring is the worst thing you can do.

When you are suicidal you are self centered, you don’t have a clue to how much hurt you would cause your family and loved ones. After your death your spirit is bounded to the negative consequenses of your death , the pain you will experience then is nothing compared to what you are experiencing now.

Life is supposed to be hard, that’s how you learn.
disregarding as to WHY you would want to get one (suicide issues or what not), no I doubt you would be able to find them commercially available.

no, but there are a million other things on the shelf at home depot that will do the trick.

why?

The rest of your advice seemed ok, but uh…

Why do you think just because you believe that other people also do?

lol, i laughed all throughout
but to each their own

I hope to come in contact with a cyanide pill one day. I will save that pill until I’m old and can no longer function or wipe my own ass. I will then hand feed myself that pill or pay to have someone ram it down my throat
please don’t commit suicide.

i would be so sad.

even though i don’t know you.

please please please somehow get over it

i would help if i could but this is all i know

And these other things have the ability to kill with within 7 seconds?

Is it any way available. Some way…some country where it’s legal?

Also please don’t kill someone else with it.

more than a few, yes.

why?

Like what?

I just want to know. And what other pills do the same thing?

why am I answering your questions when you’re not willing to answer mine?

OK.

What is your question? Why is a bit vague.
You need help, and trying to end your life is not the way of doing so

You have absolutely no clue about my life or why I want the pills.

Try not to make assumptions.

Try making a post with details as to why you want to obtain these pill.

Well I can assume something about yourself if your asking for pills that can "kill within 7 seconds" What else would you use them for? If not for yourself, then who?

or answering 7960′s question of why when he flat out asks you

He dosnt want to tell the truth, and thats why he’s avoiding it. I am starting to wonder if he’s really wanting to commit suicided or even potentially try to kill someone else. But hey, we wont know until he fesses up. Either way, he needs serious help if he is really wanting to get these types of chemicals and pills
OK. I’m thinking of it – suicide.. And I’m sick of this "getting help" stuff. I’m perfectly sane nor do I need someone to talk to.

I just need someone to give me straight answers to whether cyanide can be purchased or what other drugs have similar effects.

So trying to end one’s life is perfectly sane?

What about your life makes it so damn miserable, that you have to be selfish and end your existance?

Why kill yourself with an instant pill though? Sounds like you really have given up
Funny thing, I’ve been selfless all my life. And the story of what brought me here is too long.

Oh yes, it’s sane. When you think it over.

Plus, jumping off a bridge (if the impact doesn’t kill you) the drowning (despite not knowing how to swim) is the most horrible way to die.

So what’s perfect? Taking a cyanide pill then jumping.

I’ve posted 2 topics in the past about my problems.

They’ve only increased.

I remember you

This is seriously over a girl not loving you back?

Not really on the subject of unrequited love.

That’s common and happens to most people and is not a good enough reason to give up your life.

My just those problems over the girl have increased tenfold.

I have tried everything. And it wasn’t about her not loving me back.

The details are making my head explode. Do you know how to swim? If you do, you can always belly flop. Hitting the water from that hieght is almost equal to landing onto concrete.

Lets not forget to write the fairwell note to your loved ones either, that’ll make them smile.

And you are 16, correct?

Christ man, theres no point in killing yourself cause some chick wont love you back. Its fucking life. What DOES NOT KILL YOU makes you STRONGER

I can’t swim which will make the experience more unpleasent.

Tensing on the way down may cause internal bleeding since my body will provide resistance to the impact…I might survive but be disabled forever. If I relax on the way down..it’s like hitting concrete.

No farewell notes.

Didn’t I just make it clear it wasn’t that.

Life ends. Your memory ends. Everythings ends. Your body rots.

End of existence.

No point in life. Even if you enjoy life, when you die it’s all gone like you never done it.

Correct.

So your 16 years old, so it’s not some chick then but you think the easiest way to deal with it, is to kill yourself? What then? Do you think people will feel bad for you? I have NO remorse for anyone who ends their life

I had to personally kick a kids ass during a training because he couldnt handle the stress, and kept having nightmares. He attempted to hang himself using MY uniform belt. To which, I got severely pissed and had to teach him not to. His parents did show up at the end of it all, and he told me that me stopping him was the best thing because he was able to see his parents be happy for him

You seriously CANNOT READ ANY OF MY POSTS.

That’s twice now.
Let me see if I have this correct…
*You are 16
*You were obsessed with some girl by the age of 13/14
*She gave you the time of day finally
*Someone hacked into your email and wrote her lots of mean, rude things
*The hacker also wrote her friends rude things that made them hate you
*Friends gang around girl you are obsessed with to get her to never talk to you again
*You never get the balls to actually talk to this girl again, regardless if her friends are around or not
*You are depressed over a girl 2 years later and somehow think killing yourself will help?

Is this about right?

What you do in life, echoes an eternity

Really? Einstein did something.

So did my grandfather….can’t even remember his name never mind what he did in life.

Maybe you should have typed that more clearly the first time around

"My just those problems over the girl have increased tenfold." I cannot translate that otherwise

Lol it wasn’t a girl 13/14. And no…that is about 10% of why I want to do this.
TK, I wanted to kill myself when i was your age, too. Now I’m 28 and still think about it occasionally.

what you have to realize is that even though it might not seem like it, there are people that truly care about you that would be emotionally crushed if you kill yourself. parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, classmates, etc. While your pain will be over with in a flash, their pain will continue for years to come and will never truly go away.

my best friend rodney killed himself when he was 14, and I still think about it pretty often even though it happened 14 years ago.

just don’t do it

so explain the other 90% to us

My bad.

Just going off what the timeline you wrote in your threads

Yea, you may not remember them exactly, but it’s something like the old "butterfly effect." You interact with someone for 2 minutes, later on that day, you find out that person could have been killed in a car accident, if he was there just 2 minutes earlier. Not significant to you, but really important to the person who could have died that day. Therefore, your actions and interactions with the world effect others, regardless of how petty or insignificant they may appear. Look at what happened to the few people on 9/11 who were supposed to be in the towers, but were held up by others or had train delays.

If you remember, for every action, there is an opposite or equal reaction, hence, "what you do in life, echoes for an eternity"
im still curious what makes your life THAT bad.

shit happens, life sucks for a while, then it gets better. have you given it enough time to improve before you make this choice?
The truth of the matter is, you will never truly value your life until you have a near death experience.

Probably not sadly. 16 year olds are naive and impulsive.

Meh, I still am a little impulsive..

Lol, I’m not like other 16 year olds.

It’s naive believing in God.

And in the end they die and everyone else. Then the earth, sun. Then there is nothing. Nothing.

It’s also naive in believing in suicide.

I don’t necessarily believe in god or heaven or hell either, don’t see what that has to do with an impulsive, stubborn 16 year old boy who thinks killing himself will solve all his problems.

totally agree

in high school, 2 friends killed themselves within a month of each other. both because people in school were mean to them and made fun of them. i just kept thinking "if you waited 2 more years…you would be rid of those people forever anyway, and alive…"

i understand pain and ultimate sadness. we all have been there in some way. but we all have also fought through the pain and become stronger because of it.

TS, i just want to know why you think its fair to give up. what is so horrible? if its not beacuse of the girl, what is it?

So? Whats your point? Why end it now at 16 years old? You only get one shot at life, so why wast it? Wait, becuase things around you get "tough" and "too difficult" to handle? We’ve ALL been through our times of pain and suffering. Get over it, move on. Being so god damn negative about life is what’s making you feel this way. Eat some god damn cake, and stop crying about your woes

Suicide is a option. It’s not naive. It’s classified as naive by people.

When I’ve tried everything I can..

Oh really? What is everything? Did you have some cake yet?

Don’t lecture me about stubborn.

I have always took other peoples opnions aboard. Just like I did on here months ago. TWICE.

Everybodies advice. And no it did not work.

EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE right now is suffocating. It is driving me mad. I feel depressed day and night. I went to the doctor for a simple prozac pill but he insisted "on coming back" for another chat before he gave one. URGH

Eating a chocolate muffin right now.

And what have you tried?

The fact that you skirt all the questions shows you probably haven’t tried jackshit to fix your position. You just want a pity party to follow you around.

Well are you enjoying that chocolate muffin?

Attention pitty whore, really

Every single thing I have thought of or someone else has thought of to solve my "problems". My friend is great at solving problems, and when he heard my problems he was basically like "Yeah, your screwed". And thats coming from a guy who always thinks positive.

Really? Whats the topic about?

And what have you dragged it to.
The last thing I want is your fucking pity.

All I want is a answer to my initial and only question.

Still doesn’t explain what you have done or tried and what the actual problem is

And I don’t know if your other 16 year old friend has the best advice…

I honestly couldnt give two shits wether or not you do. Im sitting here bored, and I hate people who treat life like it’s trash, so thats why Im here. Just remember that after you die, you’ll never eat another chocolate muffin again, but I will be.

For the LAST time…I’m not telling you my problems. I don’t want your pity nor for you to follow me around. This topic isn’t about my problems. It’s about a pill.

I know your trying to help but

My fucking life is trash.

You can sit there bored and I can sit here hating myself because of everything that’s happened to me and others I know.

After I die…soon after you’ll die.

That’s life.

The only person making your life miserable, is yourself. No, I’ll be alive as long as can be naturally that is. Im not going to kill myself, I have too many damn priorities and obligations. Your just a teenage punk who cant handle some stress.

Oh, and btw, despite MY past, I have never once considered suicide. Im not a pussy

Truth. It takes more courage to carry out a suicide than anything else.

Don’t call me a teenage punk. I’ve done more in life than most people, oh yes, including you.

Oh rearry? Care to tell me then? I can sit here and listen to them all. You know, Im only 19, and have spent a good 7 years of my life with the coast guard and Navy, two near death experiences included, so yea, I dont think you really understand me

Courage is being able to stay alive and actually push forward, instead of giving up. Giving up is to be weak, suicide shows how weak you really are

How is it courageous to kill yourself by taking a pill that kills you in seconds? Please explain.

where did you hear that lie? suicide is running from a problem instead of sticking around and figuring it out

taking a pill that kills you instantly is courageous? sounds pretty cowardly to me. sounds like an easy out for a bad couple months

Life started of with spending 2 years developing a website. Got the traffic up, got the site monetized, got the revenue up. Then one day…the whole server/hosting company collapses. I lose everything.

So I move on….1 year of developing a website. Build it and sell it for $137,420 on sitepoint auction. My PayPal gets limited….I lose $137,420.
Hurray.

SkyDiving went wrong….nearly drowned and spent 4 months in a coma. More like SkyDying to me.

I would say all that put together is around 50% and the girl is 10%.

So thats 60% of why I’m doing this.

And, thats it? I nearly got crushed between a freighter ship and a 41 footer 2 miles offshore because some people werent paying attention

so you want to kill yourself because you lost some money and almost died?

Nearly? I pretty much did die.

Or atleast I part of me died when I went into that coma.

which part?

Yea, but you got a second chance. Dont blow it

Nope. There’s more. But I don’t want to talk about it.

I just want an answer to my question
While it’s amazing that you were able to earn that much money and build a website at your age losing it all isn’t really a life-ending situation. You obviously have intelligence. Why not start again? If you stuck to it you could have your own multi-million dollar company when you are 25

And the skydiving and coma incident is obviously not fun, but I can’t imagine anyone else going through the same thing hating life so much. As long as you are healthy now you should be pretty excited to have come out of the coma.

4 pages and no one has answered your question cause you wont answer ours
That’s the problem.

When I came out I lost everything.

Whenever something happens…I feel nothing.

If its my birthday..I feel NOTHING. No emotion whatsoever. That’s not a exagerration. Ever since I came out…I have no feelings. For ANYTHING.

Something amazing happens…I feel nothing.

I’ve lost how to feel happy, glad, proud. All gone. It’s like it went overnight. I don’t understand it. I can’t understand it.

What do you do every day? I understand you feel nothing, but are you trying that would normally evoke an emotion? If so, what things are you trying?

Fuck, at 16 I loved everything. Barely any responsibilities, looking forward to the weekend so I could just hang out with friends, etc.

thats why you go to a psychologist. they help with this sort of thing. very possibly you are mentally distressed still from the horirble accident that was skydiving. they can help you work through it

after my mom died, i felt nothing for a very long time. i went to talk with someone to help me work through it. it takes time, but it works

your problem is you WANT to feel this way. no one can help you if you dont want the help. do you want to feel better? or do you want to just be miserable?

What’s that mean?

so money is a reason to kill yourself

You cannot fucking read. GTFO

you realize at 16 you don’t know shit, right? and your friend, also around 16, also doesn’t know shit.

and if you’re getting advice from a web forum (TWICE!) then you’re not trying shit. talk to your parents, talk to a counselor, talk to a teacher, talk to a friend’s parent……….but talking to another 16 year old and taking advice from here (TWICE!) isn’t trying.

he’s saying you’re an attention, pity whore because google would tell you anything you wanted to know but instead you’re here with the drama, not answering questions, claiming you "tried everything" and "talked to people" when really you haven’t done shit and talked to a 16 year old.

no it’s not, but you’re 16 and too young/stupid to know it.

that’s why we’ve told you more than once (even more than TWICE!) to talk to someone.

because you’re 16 and stupid**.

what you’re feeling (or not feeling) could be from depression, the accident/trauma, from guilt………there are many things that could cause it. rather than "take a pill" how about you figure out what’s wrong and see if you can fix it?

**and please don’t take that the wrong way, EVERY 16 year old is stupid. you’re not special, you’re not different. you’re too young and inexperienced to realize there are other options besides "a pill" and "a jump"
FYI I’ve talked to my parents, a psychiatrist, a teacher, 2 adults and my doctor.

So don’t call me fucking stupid.

I’m not saying you’re stupid becuase you’re you, I’m saying it because you’re 16 and haven’t lived yet. You lack experiences that help define you. You don’t have anything to compare your CURRENT situation to. just the fact that you say "life started" when you developed a website……….young, naive, inexperienced, lacking maturity…….how about this. Promise to make it to 25 and if things don’t get better THEN off yourself. My guess, in 9 years you’ll look back and think "I was stupid."

And if you really talked to parents, a psychiatrist, a teacher, 2 adults and my doctor and nothing helped, find a new psychiatrist, teacher, adults and doctor to talk to.

I need to sort my life. 9 years won’t go past with it automatically being better. The reason I’m doing this is because of my problems. Unless I sort this I won’t feel like i’m suffocating every minute.

Nevermind, since I’m not going to get my answer from your guys, I may as well leave this thread.

Thanks for all your help especially the frequent posters.

so did you listen to what they have to say?
I’m still waiting for a good response as to how taking a suicide pill is a "courageous" thing.

you’re right, it won’t automatically be better.

but in those 9 years (which, when you’re 25 will represent fully ONE THIRD of your life) you’ll mature, gain experiences, etc, and hopefully TALK TO SOMEONE to figure out what’s going on.

no, if you do it, it will be because you were a coward.

if you really wanted an answer you woudlnt’ have asked here so again with the attention/pity whoring.

how about you go tell your parents you went on the internet and researched pills to kill yourself. do that then get back to us with what they did.

Listen…thats the hard part, especially if you’re 16 and have an above average IQ, but try it. When your that young you do not know shit about shit, period, hell I’m 23 and I don’t really know shit about shit… take some time, sort things out.Think of the problem ie: you feel nothing, and your proposed solution: suicide, you have openly stated that you believe there is nothing after death, so your going to solve feeling nothing, with forcing yourself to feel nothing forever; really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

I’ve told them and they told me not to be stupid.
I wanted a answer to what pills are the same as cyanide. I never got a simple fucking answer. You guys wanted to know why?

Not me. So stop trolling.

I know I said I would leave but I couldnt resist answering.

Seriously goodbye

I’m not trolling you. Telling someone you want to kill yourself is a cry for help. I’m listening to your cry for help and telling you to FIND SOMEONE CLOSE WHO WILL LISTEN.

Your parents told you not to be stupid, they’re not the ones. Find someone else.

You want a simple fucking answer? Car – seatbelt + 120mph + something BIG = done. Your whole "7 second cyanide pill and jump off a bridge" thing is stupid. If you wanted to be dead you’d be dead. But since you’re here asking questions how about you take some advice and figure out how to solve your problem.

Right…10% of all my problems is that girl. She’s the girl I want to talk to yet at the moment because of a misunderstanding she hates me.

I don’t want my death to affect her or for her to be "sorry" for my death.

But she’s the only person I can imagine listening to.

then expand your mind and imagine someone else. my high school had counsolers you could go speak to if you needed someone to listen, i’m willing to bet yours does as well. try them. try talking to a professional. try PMing anyone who answered in this thread. and then open your ears and listen

there are a million ways to commite suicide. you know that. you dont need to ask us how to do it. you are really asking us for help to stay alive and get through this. now open your ears and listen.

there are millions of ways that are PAINFUL, LONG.

Cyanide I read up is fast. 7 seconds. Thats why if i cant get that someone mentioned other drugs which are just as efficent but readily available.

I hate professional advice….only for a good plan that will either help me or get me some cyanide.

i can think of quite a few that are just as fast. my opinion that you want help to get out of this slump stands

and what do you hate about professional advice?

answer please.

no, 100% of your problems is YOU.

that means you need to get rid of the girl until you fix YOU.

what does this have to do with my post? do you think taking a cyanide pill and jumping will affect her any less than driving a car into a bridge abutment?

because you’re young and lack experience and see everything as focused on you or her or a website or something else without perspective.

you need to get rid of her, fix you, then maybe go back to her. or you may find that she’s part of the problem and figure out you need to STAY away from her. either way, fix YOU first. until you do that you’re wasting your time being near anyone else.

car – seatbelt + 120mph + bridge support = dead, fast and painless.

now stfu about cyanide and go talk to a doctor. there may be a physical problem after your coma that’s causing you to not feel. the only way to tell is to tell a doctor the entire truth and let them help.

oo good point, i didnt think about that. i thought it might have something to do with him mentally being stressed about it, but there very well could be a physical problem attached to that as well

my guess……. it takes too long and it’s not easy. he can’t walk out with a fix so he’s not interested. if a psychologist could fix him in 7 seconds then he’d consider it but because it’s going to take months (possibly years) he’d rather go on a web forum and tell people he wants to die.

he smacked his head hard enough to put him in a coma for months. it’s likely that there’s *some* brain damage….it’s not inconceivable that there are side effects from it.

He obviously had a severe problem with patience, hence why the cyanide pill is fast and he refuses to even try another death that might take more than seconds.

People who want to commit suicide but refuse to do things that take long or will "hurt a lot" don’t really want to kill themselves. You said you feel nothing, so why would a painful death be any different?
I can’t get rid of her out of my head.

Am I obessesed or in love?

I kind of lied. I feel sort of happy when I see her. Or just when she gives me a random smile…for the rest of the day I’m happy.

i assume its obsession because of how liking her makes you feel. are you only happy when you see her and no other time?

You don’t even talk to her. Why don’t you try that first.

Remember my previous threads?

Yip, Lack of Confidence + she hates me.

the answer is: you are 16. everyone has strong, confusing feelings at that age. in fact, a lot of 16 year olds go through the "life sucks, i want to die" feelings. it isn’t a sign of anything wrong or abnormal, it’s just hormones. seriously just try to focus on yourself, school, sports, WHATEVER. in a couple years you will balance out and wonder why you ever felt this upset.

Well then continue to be miserable. No one feels sorry for you if you can’t go after something you want. You’ll never learn or grow as a person.

And to answer your question about if it is love I will quote myself from your last thread about her

I’ve known her for 5 years. And it’s unrequited love as of 3 years.

I have tried every possible thing to make her like me, or to even look at me. 3 years.

Except that you wont even go up and talk to her, you forgot you haven’t even done that.
If you didn’t have emotion you wouldn’t get irritated and aggravated with everyone here trying to help.

I think burrowing your issues in your head, only to ‘dig’ them out by committing suicide is rather pathetic.

From your posts, it’s obvious you’re not an idiot and have obtained some form of education. Their is one thing to live for. You lost a little bit of change compared to what you’ll make in your life, at the age of 16.. That shows me you do have some will power and the desire to achieve.

What I don’t get, and really don’t understand, is why you’re so opposed to actually trying to better yourself.

Between 7960, IWYWB, and the multiple others who have given you sound advice, you’ve chose to bash them.

And I said it once, and I’ll say it again. For someone with absolutely no emotion, you’re doing a pretty good job at showing it.

it sounds like obsession, love is really only developed when it is reciprocated. If it isn’t, move on. There are literally billions of other girls out there… and almost everyone falls in love more than once in there life.

Ok, now we’re getting somewhere.

When you talk to your parents and doctor and psychologist do you lie to them, too? You’ve been lying to us this whole time so there’s no reason to believe you’re telling them everything. And if you’re not then they can’t help.

I’ve not been lying..I’ve just been reluctant to share that information with you , guys. And it’s only when I remember the girl that I remembered I did feel happy.

As for no emotions..I SAID I DON@T FEEL GLAD, PROUD, HAPPY.

I still feel depressed and sad.

I can’t even read this thread anymore.

that’s called DEPRESSION, or possibly post traumatic stress.

and it’s extremely treatable, as long as you’re honest with yourself and don’t lie to your doctors.

I want to kill mysel…..I mean….
but a question……….what’s the big deal with this cyanide pill? since you know you can’t get it why haven’t you taken some other advice on quick/painless ways to off yourself?

Exactly, he doesn’t want to have to do anything, which proves he doesn’t really want to off himself.

Some jerk in this thread gave me false hope that there are similar pills that CAN BE BOUGHT….THATS WHAT IVE BEEN HERE FOR.

WOW

You said that you felt "nothing" sad/depressed/frustrated is something, you should first strive to rid yourself of those feelings then seek positive ones.

he knows he can’t get this pill so it’s easy to use non-availability as his reason to avoid it.

"……..IF I ONLY HAD A SIDEWINDER SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE AND A HOT AIR BALLOON I’D KILL MYSELF! Oh, those aren’t available? I guess I won’t do it then."

HELLO…THIS IS THE ANSWER IVE BEEN WAITING 8 PAGES FOR.

Seems like you are getting pretty angry…that’s an emotion.
Angry at 7990 whatever.

I came for cyanide…they said i couldnt get it.

HE SAID there were other pills….IVE BEEN ASKING FOR AGES.

Thats all i wanted the fucking answer to.

As for the suicide i dont care if you believe me…you will probably hear it on the news (i doubt) maybe somewhere.

no, I said there are hundreds of things in home depot that could poison and kill you.

If you’re really trying to off yourself 12 guage buck shot aim into your mouth straight back maybe a little up… that’ll turn your brainstem into confetti you won’t feel a thing thats the part that controls the nerves in the body. Read an anatomy book you’re smart, remember, smarter than all of us.

YES….such as?

All I want is names…then I can go and do it.

Probably not. Suicides by 16 year olds for no reason don’t tend to get news coverage. Would you like it if it got you on the news?

Draino…

like someone else mentioned, if you really wanted to know, you could google it

what is your fixation on using poison to kill yourself?

It wouldnt matter i would be dead.

something fast he said there were a few things that could do 7 seconds as well

so what does it matter if it hurts, you’ll be dead.

car + speed + bridge……………but you’re still here.

Ok ill do that.

Thanks for your help

what makes you wnat to use that method now? you said no to it multiple times in this threat already
and now back to serious.

there are plenty of people right in this thread who were 16 and spurned by a chick who doesn’t know we even exist. we know generally how it feels…killing yourself isn’t the answer to the question "how do I not feel this way any more?"

talk to someone.

Listen man. If you want to kill yourself, you would’ve done it already.

Go drink a cup of bleach.

I lost my virginity when I was 13 to a 16 year old, and when I saw her in school and she walked by me, I was devestated.

I didn’t want some super-cyanide pill, though.

I’m doing it. Tonight.

I’m taking 7960′s advice or method on how.

So thanks for all your help and for the last time goodbye.

Thanks for your time.

I won’t back on on this thread to see replies so no point posting any.

Lock this thread.
It’s not ‘coward’ to ask for help.

Right before you get in that car and start the ignition, just do me a favor..

Think about the everyday routines your parents do that include you in some way shape or form.

Then realize that will be replaced by their tears and complete misunderstanding as to why.

you’re making a mistake.

why aren’t you taking my advice on how NOT to?
by posting this I think its a cry for help or attention. It might hae been mentioned already since this is pages long, but its my .02

Did you talk him into it???

first rule of counseling, the counselor never talks someone into or out of something.

……..but we’ll know tomorrow

Well you didn’t exactly sway him in the right direction. However, anyone hell bent on offing themselves can do it quickly with bleach or ajax, etc.

EDIT: we won’t know tomorrow, he wont’ come abck here which will lead to believe he did it, or assume he wants us to believe he did it.

EDIT V2: however:

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 8 (8 members and 0 guests) , , , , , , ,

word

without going back I’m going to guess I advised him against it ten times and told him "car + speed" three. I’d say that’s advising against it.

yes we’ll know becuase yes he will be back tomorrow.

:edit: I went back, it was 14 times I told him to get help and 4 (3 really) I told him car + tree.

A cup that is 95% coffee and 5% arsenic is mostly coffee, but it will still kill you

if you wanna kill yourself, that’s all fine and dandy…but seriously, you have yet to begin life.

try living it before ending it so short
if not, see you on the flip side
Cyanide is a short but incredibly unpleasant death

Heard it firsthand

Heard it from a dead guy?

to continue the analogy……………. and if he WANTS to drink from it or DOESN’T then that’s what he’ll do no matter what anyone says.

but as I mentioned before, just by posting this thread its a cry for help. He clearly doesn’t want to do it.

thats the funniest thing you’ve ever said.

I literally laughed so hard out loud when I read his comment that my bf went " WHAT?"

how is it a cry for help when he is asking how to retrieve it?

thats why its a cry for help. If you want something bad enough and don’t want anyone to interfer with your plan, you do it yourself secretly.

secretly?! he’s someone from the internet whom none of us know. I think that’s pretty much secret

O’rly? please…

agree to disagree

how is it not a cry for help when there are about 8,354 other ways to do it but he still chose to come here and ask for a way to get something that’s nearly impossible to get?

cause maybe he doesn’t want to die the other 8,354 ways

so what, even if it is a cry for help it’s a lame fucking way to get it via this site that’s for sure. you can’t save someone who wants to die

but he doesn’t. that is evidenced by this thread.
If you really wanted to find something online as soon as possible, you do the searching yourself, you don’t post the question on a message.

I’m sure he is convinced he would go through with it, but in reality, I bet little things would get in the way that would keep him from doing it.

Like chocolate muffins

he’s posting on a ‘self/group help’ forum asking how to find a chemical traditionally reserved for suicide. IDK about you, but if I was *really* looking for that chemical, i’d be on some chemistry/pharmaceutical website

C’mon man I know you can give your good advice without pushing your religious views….
Cyanide isn’t the only option, other drugs obtain the same result. Valium works in large doses (about 50 average dose pills), more potent when consumed with large amounts of alcohol.

I tried to kill myself several years back and this is the route that I chose to take. After having spoken to many doctors about the potency of this action it’s pretty fail proof if done correctly. The problem was I was found within an hour of ingestion and had my stomach pumped before I could die.

If you get very drunk first and then crush up the pills and consume them that way (mix them with a glass of water first maybe?) You should pass out within a minute and die soon after, even without crushing them up I was only awake for a couple of minutes or so.

That being said, suicide was the right choice for me then because there really was no other feasible choice for me, but I’m glad that I am still alive and life DOES GET BETTER! Even if it is eventually. You will not feel like you do now forever. But if you choose to eradicate yourself that is your choice and your choice alone, no one else can make you keep on living.

perfect
you say this

but then go on to say

if life DOES GET BETTER then suicide was NOT "the right choice for you then."

there’s the rub, suicide doesn’t allow for the thoughts of things getting better. But I know, when you’re depressed, it’s really hard to think of things ever getting better.

depression makes you think that you don’t want things to get better.
Since this kid is probably randomly looking at this thread and waiting for someone to ask, ill do it.

Do you think he did it?

No

AE check

I hope he didn’t. Hopefully he realizes soon that he’s young, he’ll meet so many more girls, and life has more things for him in the future.
somebody very special to me suffered an abusive father for 18 years, before the father killed himself one day because his wife was going to divorce him. when the family found his body, they were relieved that he died without killing anyone else.
the church of this family blamed the mother for his suicide, saying that he killed himself because of the mother’s idea to get a divorce, and divorce is a sin.
at the funeral of the abusive father, the family suffered through a priest who stood there blaming the mother. before, after, and during the funeral the mother was harassed by co-workers of her husband, who the husband had been telling lies to for years.
while all of this was happening, the someone special to me watched. she also had an abusive boyfriend, who mirrored her father’s behavior. she broke up with this boyfriend after 2 years of torture, resulting in being shunned by more than half of the people she’d used to call her friends. her school situation is beyond hard. her family situation is beyond hard.
she had a lot of problems, her self esteem and self image were shot to hell. she’s been to 3 therapists. she’s been on a few kind of meds. she’s weening off of them. she’s coping, she’s living. and anyone worth a damn is proud of her for it.

you can deal, too. try harder. who knows, you’re apparently good at making money. maybe when you’re better you can write a book about your struggle and make millions.

OT: quick fix

the same way those in the main forum ask about medical related questions

Are you an idiot? If you read through all the pages here it is clearly evident that the kid does not want to really off himself. Google knows a hellalot more than OT and the shits quicker.

no..I’m not an idiot actually.
but if he doesn’t want to kill himself, then you all played into his antics very well

an academy award winning performance.

what i’m trying to say is…if he wanted to die, he would have done it already. and you all just sit and say how worthy life is. how can another person determine how worthy someone else’s life is when you haven’t stepped in their shoes. some people are just better off dead

what are the pics of?
I knew a guy who killed himself at the age of 16. Carl! His parents had died when he was younger and I believe he lived on his own or with a sibling… Anyway, he jumped off the roof of his apartment building (6 stories I think) and that did him in.

Honestly, there are very few things that sadden me more than knowing this dude killed himself. He was just a kid and everybody liked him. At 16 you really haven’t experienced a small fraction of what life has to offer, I can say that at 21 because not only have I done and seen things that have really given me new, positive perspectives on life, but I myself have actually evolved as a person and I’ve learned to cope with problems and habits… Life is what you make it, and if you kill yourself you won’t have the option of molding yourself and your situation into what you want it to be. Granted this is a lot harder for some people to do than others, you still have a lot of freedom in how you can live your life.

I’ve thought about why someone might kill themself, and personally I think if I became that depressed I’d just become an alcoholic and live on the street… At least i could enjoy the occasional hot meal and human interaction…. to me that’s what makes life great. You’ll learn that some day as long as you don’t kill yourself before you’re mature enough to realize it.

So true. We all have our difficulties in life. Boo-fucking-hoo.

What about all the people in the 3rd world countries who watch their children starve to death? They dont take the cowards way out, they do whatever they can to survive. If some kid thinks life is meaningless because some girl doesnt like him then good riddance.

If somebody comes and asks for help then you can give it to them. If they want to dance around it and say how horrible their life is without taking any of the advice then let them be the little drama queens they are and end it.

Life moves on. If you want to be there when it happens, dont take the easy way out.

You know there’s actually something strange going on with what you say here, its like if your life is just pure survival you’d do anything in your power to stay alive, but for those people who seemingly have everything going for them lose the aspect of having a ‘goal’ in life, and once more gaps fall into their life, suicidal thoughts are quickly to follow.

You know, many times these people don’t mind life itself, its just that the bad circumstances won’t go away for a prolonged time, and this gives them incredible difficulties in finding ways to cope. What they need is a way out of their misery, and although they might not even be listening its important not to give up and teach these people the fundamental understanding why suicide is not the way out, and although its not an al cure , you do what you can do in order to provide these people a lending hand. If you were in trouble, or maby if your mother dies because of suicide and someone says good riddance, then even if its true in the case of stubborness, its not nice to say something like that. When there are troubles you need to try to move the situation upwards. I know there’s a lot of buts in it, but we also need to stay positive in these kind of terrible situations. Yes there’s 3 world kids dying, but rich people have their problems as wel, regardless of that we need to try to help anyone with any problem. If he really feels miserable then he has a valid problem. But i think this time around the kid in here really came in with the sole intention of suicide. Id like to thank everyone who gave an honest attempt into helping this kid. So far i’ve received no notion of a confirmed suicide by researching, but anyone who gets to know some info of the situation, please share.

What I’m getting at is the fact that so many of the people who commit suicide have no reason to be thinking those thoughts anyway. So many people kills themselves for absolutely stupid reasons when there are people out in the world who have it MUCH worse and do not even think about making that choice.

To me, this kid sounds like he suffered some sort of humiliation at school and while kids can be cruel, life goes on. By no means worth the drama he is creating. He just wants attention, I do not believe for one second that he actually committed suicide.
Its true what you are saying, however not everyone is equally strong , and situational lonelyness can be more devastating then poverty or starvation, usually in poverty people do more to support eachother, you might not have food , but you have eachother. Still bad, but what im saying is that there are ‘different’ triggerpoints for comitting suicide.

Its a matter of where your weaknesses lie, you could be incredibly strong in dealing with a financial crisis, but when dealing with school problems you might could just not get over that fence no matter how hard you try,with a suicide as a result.

Even if the kid didn’t commit suicide, we always need to take the situation seriously , because in some cases you can never say for sure on wether a person is just joking or the real deal, we have to take measures just to be on the sure side.

Its true what you say about the attention too, id say 90% or higher of suicidal people wants attention, many many people live in the thought that people will come to their aid and spontaniously drop into their lives in order to make them happy. While in reality people only seem to drop by if there’s a selfish interest to gain, which is something these people don’t understand that in order to get attention they need to give something back, which in its turn gives a lot of emotional trouble with these kids. Although one indeed should not let themselves be abused, one by no means should consider it a sin to indeed give attention to a person who is suicidal, afteral these kind of people get rejected all their lives, its certainly not going to help them to be rejected even more.

That said i hope the main poster will come back to post
Well…

Anyway to check if this kid has been online?

Everyone in this thread really did a bangup job. Typically you don’t call people out repeatedly on a bluff.

If this kid killed himself, then I’d say everyone in this thread should never post again giving someone advice. Jesus Christ.

You would be very hard pressed to convince me that a person or persons in this thread caused the guy to kill himself.

But what the heck, try your best.

Are you guys going to debate now? I’ve been let down on the debates lately…go at it.
he has been online.. I added his messenger to mine, and he was on earlier today, and had a nice status about the dark night (i do believe)

well, it’s good to hear that he can still enjoy eating chocolate muffins

Good to hear, but I could see it all along. He was just baiting people for sympathetic replies.

Choc. muffins warmed in the microwave are

And yes, I do believe he was trying to get attention. If someone really wanted to commit suicide, they would just do it, not sit around and talk about it. Talking about it or showing signs of it on purpose usually always means they want attention/help and cant understand how to get it.

Yeah, instead we should coddle the kid who, about 3 or 4 pages in, was obviously baiting for attention.
I’ve been through a very serious relationship and know it’s hard breaking up. I also know it’s not easy to claim you’re depressed "over a girl", but ending youself won’t fix anything.

Good luck

It says here…last online…5 days ago.

Weird?!

Wow….I just joined this forum yesterday and I’ve enjoyed the reading so far.

I will say that this has been one of the most interesting threads that I’ve ever read. Several members, and they know who they are, really did an awesome job of trying to help this kid and give him good advice. I mean, what else can you say? It’s the internet.

I don’t know if the kid is really 16 because he seems to be very intelligent. He also has a way of coming across as being serious (something about the wording)…not that he would really kill himself, but serious about his issues. He is clearly begging for help, but we’ve all been 16 and remember how we didn’t need anyone’s help….we also knew everything.

Titan,

Dude…you’re 16, you seem to have been through some really rough times. Why not use that as a reason to LIVE! If you can use your arms and legs, and live a decently normal life, you should use your near-death experience as a 2nd chance. Live it up!! Whomever or whatever you believe in gave you a 2nd chance for a reason….do something positive with it. Be a positive influence for some other teenager. Talk to teens who have/are thinking about suicide. There is a very good reason as to why you are still alive.

Suck it up, man. Don’t wuss out of life because things are hard for you. Don’t wuss out of life over some girl. You’re 16…you have no clue about love, and I can guarantee you that there is someone out there that will make you forget about her.

As far as the money thing….screw it. You did what you did as a teen. Imagine what you can do in another 10 years.

Don’t be stupid.
what a weird way to try and do it. Obtaining unobtainable poison pills that you only hear about in movies/books.

.
He realized his true desire for living-chocolate muffins
So can we assume he is not returning. It sucks that he chose such a definite stance on this. I can honestly say that at one time in my life I to was severely depressed and on more than once occasion attempted, but that’s all it was and it was a big cry for help. I found my help through therapy and medication. I eventually got off of it and here I am 10 years later a mentally healthy man.

Its hard to really know whats going on in your head at the young of an age, I know it can look and feel like the whole world is going to end if things are not on the up and up right now, but that’s part of life. One of my biggest life lessons I learned was that the world doesn’t revolve around me. If I killed myself I wasn’t going to get that attention, my parents would be utterly devastated and it would be over and there wouldn’t be anything to show for my life.

Its a waste to take it away, something that is such a gift being able to live. And to think you woke up from a coma that is such a humongous feat! Your alive and you should treasure the fact that you are alive. Now this chickadee, I understand that you are hung up on her and its completely understandable. But I will have to agree with everyone else that there are plenty of other fish in the sea my friend.

When I was in the same position when I was down in that dark place, with no feeling, I too was hung up on a girl, didn’t think she even cared about me anymore. My friends at the time did a lot of bad things to me and to her to keep us away from each other and honestly it wasn’t until I got up the courage to actually talk to her to realize she didn’t care either way. That she was my friend regardless and honestly after I left her behind, I had other girl friends when I left high school and moved on to college.

So What I’m trying to say is that don’t this one girl bring you down, nor don’t let your so called friends bring you down either, just get some help from your family. Family is truly important.

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I went to my primary care doctor, and he put me on a dose of Cymbalta, starting at 30mg, and then moving up to 60mg. I took it the first day and after that day of hell I said FUCK that.

At some times I felt "alright" but most of the day I felt "cracked out", sort of like a coke high/comedown of meth or something. I stopped after that first day.

A week later I told myself that I need to take this stuff, tried again, and had the same effects. I said fuck it and stopped all together.

I was talking to my mom about my issues, whom also sufferes from depression. She advised me to go see a psychiatrist. And I immediatly did.

He put me on Effexor 37.5mg for a week, then up to like 60 mg for a week, and then finally up to 120 mg.

Everything seemed normal for the first two weeks, but once I hit the 120 mark BAM the same exact feeling I had from the Cymbalta. I stopped immediatly and contacted him today, and am still waiting for his response.

I was wondering if anyone has any experiences like this or tips that they could share with me.

I feel depressed as hell and don’t know what to do anymore

anyone please help..?
120 mg of Effexor taken daily is a very high dosage, even 60mg should be more than enough unless you are severely depressed, and you don’t sound as if you need that high of a dosage. Effexor is one of the stronger anti-depressants too.
When you double your dosage that soon after starting the medication you will no doubt feel like you described. And trying various dosages of different brands of anti-depressants within a short period of time is not good for your serotonin levels.
With anti-depressants it’s best to get your body used to a certain dosage taken at the exact same time once or twice a day (depending on how often your doctor prescribes you to take it). It took me about a month and a half to stabilize on 20mg of Paxil taken once daily, and I feel that 20mg is almost more than I need.
You should give your body more time to get used to a dosage of about 20-40mg and after about a month or so you should then decide if it should be upped or not.
It’s very important to take it at the exact same time every day, if you forget to take it at your set time do not take it later during that day but instead wait until the next day and then take it at your set time. You will likely experience negative results if you take the pill at different times throughout the day.
It’s also important for you to find which time of the day is best to take it. It’s different for everyone, I take mine at 8:15 every morning.
thanks for the advice so far man!

I’m going to talk to my psychiatrist about lowering my dosage to around 60 mg daily..

any other advice on my issue?

please and thank you all so much
I just made the jump from 37.5 to 75mg of Effexor a day on Tues. morning. I’m feeling better and less deprressed for the most part but still dealing with a break up due to my other issues so it’s all kind of convoluted. I don’t have any negative side effects at this point.
When you feel that you know you’re taking too much. Talk to your doc about bringing you down. Go slowly because Effexor has some nasty withdrawal symptoms.
nicely timed that this thread was bumped today

I just started taking Efexor today 37.5mg for the first week, then jump up to 70mg. Taking it for mild depression and anxiety problems, in conjunction with some councelling.

Will update later when/if it all starts happening

Damo

*Real nasty withdraw symptoms.
I’ve been on 150mg of Effexor for over a year. For a while there we tried 225mg, but that knocked me on my ass.

I don’t seem to recall many side effects when starting the drug or with its continued use.

I do notice that, when I miss a dose, it sucks HARD. I feel like shit. I keep hearing the withdrawal from this stuff are nasty, and I believe it. Not looking forward to going off the drug, whenever that might be.
it took 6 weeks of slowly decreasing the dose on effexor to get my wife off of it. I think she was only taking the 75mg pills and they dropped her down to the 35mg pills and it basically made her want to kill herself because of the stabbing headaches, diarrhea, and just feeling like shit that it gave her.

we ended up breaking the capsules open and counting out 5 of the little "dots" each day until she got down to zero. there are like 250 dots in each capsule

effexor also turned her into an emotional zombie. Nothing made her happy, nothing made her sad. she was just blah

I was up around 300mg of effexor a day, about to bump upto 350 when I quit it cold turkey.

Was that apparently a high dosage? I found that it would make me fine, then plateau after a few weeks to months and the only way to get past it was to increase it. By plateau I mean it felt like I missed a dosage but milder, and if you ever did miss a dose you know exactly what I mean.

Best part of the drug, if you feel nothing then there is nothing to be sad about.
Well im on my 3rd day, and I’m constantly getting waves of nausea, as well as laying in bed and constantly agitated and cant lay still …. I know it will pass tho .. im hoping
+1 for effexor withdrawls sucking. I wouldn’t wish that stuff on my worse enemy.
For those that have taken efexor, how long did it take for any effects/side effects kicking in?

I’ve been feeling a little bit of nausea the first few days, .. just jumped up onto 75mg today … and I feel like I’m not having any emotions at all, .. I dont know if its just the dose going up, or what.
Bumping this one again.

2 months in, and starting to go a bit backwards now, .. last couple of week (still on the 75mg XR) ive been noticing the anxiety and stuff really coming back. ALso my hunger is really coming back too (previously was not eating as much and really loosing weight).

Off to the doc again tomorrow, my psychologist is thinking that my body is becoming used to the dosage and reckons to double it to 150mg.

Still feeling like a bit of an emotional zombie tho.
I may be joining druggie crew tomorrow but I dont think so. I am talking to my doctor/psychiatrist again though tomorrow. We’ll see what comes out of it.
Good luck with it, …. i gotta say up until the last couple of weeks I was doing really well on this, … just going back downhill now tho
primary care shouldn’t be prescribing antidepressives.

my primary care provider put me on a low dose of effexor for 6 months two years ago.

the results? I put on 50 lbs, feel very few extremes of emotion and realized that I wasn’t depressed, I just hated my job.

have you tried going outside and getting regular exercise?
I have tried that yes.

I’ve suffered from depression before, and have family history of it.

Certainly seemed to be working until a couple of weeks ago
up to 150mg a day now ….. man its making me feel sick, … only lasts a day or two tho from previous experience

120mg is no where near a high dose, where the hell do you get your information? 150mg is a maintenance dose.

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Its like sometimes I’ll have times when I’m afraid to talk to anyone because they will judge me and even when I force myself to talk to them I feel as if I’m not myself. I’ll sometimes be afraid to talk to my own parents because they will judge me or I won’t be up to their standards. Ive felt like this all day and I force my self to talk to people when my mind is telling me to just say "Go the fuck away I can’t talk to you right now because my mind is not in the right place and you are going to think I’m boring or weird". I will avoid my phone for days at a time because of this. Like right now I’ve been procrastinating to go to the gym because people I know go around this time and I’m absolutely terrified to talk to them right now. Sometimes making eye contact is actually painful to do but I force my self to do it anyways. I always have little self-conscious thought in my head, like "is she looking at me?", "Do they think the way I walk is weird?". Ive never came out with stuff like this any one because I’m afraid of looking like a pussy. I feel way bottled up.

But then sometimes I’ll feel amazing and want to talk to everyone. I just feel like I limit my true potential. I make all my friends around this time and make plans and everything but then I realize that I’m probably going to feel like shit again and want to tell everyone to fuck off again so I try to contain my self. Like I have this glass ceiling that I know what I want but I just can’t bring my mind to get me there. I try and figure out what triggers this and I can’t, some times I think its self confidence issues and when a girl acts nervous around me it boosts me up. Sometimes I think its my sinuses or overtraining in the gym.

As bad as it hurts me to admit it, I think I’m a manic depressant.

The past couple months Ive been contemplating seeing a shrink but I just can’t bring myself to be that self-degrading. Its like I get the thought of people looking at me in the therapists lobby and think "Look at that guy, all those expensive clothes and muscles yet hes a fucking wuss for being here". Ive come to the conclusion that my conscious compass is severely fucked up and I’m not quite sure when people are thinking bad thoughts about me are false or real. All I want to do is be able to feel comfortable around my own family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time.
Well I just smoked a cigar like a fucking boss watching movies in my jacuzzi. I’m starting over tommorrow and I’m just going to be my mother fucking gangster ass self.

Its exactly all this fucking faggot self loathing that I’m doing that is bringing me down when I have girls blowing up my fucking phone and I’m not picking up because "I’m afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing". Fuck that.

Lick my ass everybody, I’m going out on top.
Doesn’t sound to me like you have bipolar disorder. Have you pretty much had a hard time being around people because of your fear of being judge?
How do you feel in your close relationships (friends, girlfriends)?

Well I’ve had bestfriends ever since I was a young lad so maybe thats the problem. I always had someone I would go to but as a kid I would lie about everything and even through high school some. I figured since I had nothing to talk about I would lie about stuff to get other peoples approval but as I got older I figured this wasn’t the way to get friends at all.

As of right now it just feels extremely awkward to be around my best-friend but at the same time we kind of say we are best friends just to say that. I honestly deep down inside want to just get him the fuck out of my life but for some reason I still am attached to him no matter what, every conversation Ive had with him is extremely weird and boring and I find myself talking just to talk.

Girls I can make good friends with but then I never pursue the friendship because I feel as if they are going to find out that I’m really actually boring and have nothing to talk about so I pretend like I don’t want to talk to them and for some odd reason this just makes them want to talk to me more. I hate it when I girl tells me that she loves me or gives me a compliment because as stupid as it sounds I feel extremely vulnerable.

Also the majority of the time I feel as if girls only like me for good looks and style rather then the real me. I feel as if no one on earth knows the real me and it makes me feel extremely lonely.
I can relate to bits and pieces of your posts.

I would start seeing a therapist asap, it really can do wonders.

I hope you get that because you think you’re not worth it, you present yourself as someone you’re not really and thus people don’t really get to know you.

I think you should see a psychologist though. My uneducated guess would be something along the lines of an avoidant personality disorder :
But yeah, see someone, you’d benefit from it.

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now should i tell the doctor im not taking them and all the negative things have gone away or that i am still taking them and im getting better.

im a little worried of the consequences of telling her that im not taking them so i guess unless i hear otherwise im gunna say i still am.

help appreciated.
I’ve been there before, and that shit just made everything worse. As long as you are feeling "good" you don’t really need to go back to the doc, unless yoiu have other issues. They will probably just try to convince you to stay on them longer…

It’s been 3 years since I have taken any sort of mood stabilizers and I am better now then I have ever been. It’s all about having control over your emotions, and being able to rationalize.

true

i will see if i can stop going, im not sure i can though

Good for you, it was the same for me. Meds made everything 10x worse.

No reason to lie to your therapist. What possible consequences could she give you?

If she tries to push them on you, this scenario would be good for you. You seem to think this particular authority figure has a great deal of power over you and you are considering resorting to some very unhealthy behaviours to deal with it. Standing up and asserting yourself appropriatley (i.e. no anger, lying, manipulating, whining, blaming, hitting, etc). to an authority figure and seeing positive results is a very good thing for your ego and peace of mind. The therapist’s office is the perfect place to practice scenarios like this, its what you’re paying her for.

edit: wait, is this a counserlor/therapist or just a doctor who gives out meds?

what "consequences"?

if you don’t tell your doc exactly what you’re doing then you’re hurting your cause, not helping.

tell her.
Umm, you need to tell him How is that even a question? You’re not truly in therapy unless you are being completely open and honest with your therapist.
tell them the truth. they are only there to help you feel better, so lying to them is only going to go against what they are there to do

and if you dont feel like you ever want to take a pill again, you might want to get a name for a good psychologist that you can go in and talk to when you need little check ups from time to time and to keep you healthy and away from the necessity from taking pills to feel better
consequences such as going to a mental hospital, they have made it sound like that is what would happen if i stopped taking them.

what have you been diagnosed with?

not really sure, bipolar schizophrenia i think

so you stopped taking your meds cause you are in one of your high moods?

how long have you been on these meds and how long ago were you diagnosed?

diagnosed 5 months ago and have been off and on them for 4 months and i stopped for good about a month ago.

i didnt stop becasue of a high mood, i actually dont even think i am bipolar or any of that.
if you dont think you are really bipolar then go to another doctor to get a different opinion. i would hope that a doc would just randomly diagnos someone as bipolar since its a pretty serious thing, but it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion.

do you know what lead the doc to think that? do you have eratic moods or anything like that?

Oh, thats pretty serious. I thought it was depression or something like that.

The meds you are being given support this. Tell your doctor about your concerns. Those meds have some severe side effects and I’m sure there are some better ones out there.

What do you think would make the psychiatrist think you are bipolar if you are not?

i posted the problem a while back under a friends screen name, but i basically wasnt thinking and told a counselor that i wanted to hurt my cousin for raping my little sister. i had a hard time accepting it for a while but now im over it. the doctor only talked to me about 5 times for 5 minutes each time and just asked me how i was.

but this is getting offtopic

Wow Well now I understand. But you do need to explain this all to him

i would change doctors. you should never have been put on meds for that

thats a completely normal thing to be pissed off about, they should have sent you to a counselor to talk through your anger about it, not just medicated you.
Get an evaluation and a diagnostic impression from the hospital psychologist (NOT psychiatrist). Getting off the meds is a HORRIBLE idea if the diagnostic is right which is why you should get evaluated by a psychologist (who will assess you with more than just a couple of questions, it should last 2-4 one-hour sessions)

tell them you aren’t taking them, and all the bad sideeffects have gone away. They can’t force you to take pills

they cant send you unless you’re a danger to yourself or others
My advice is to cancel the appointment and stay the hell away from your psychiatrist from now on. All he/she will do is insist that you go back on drugs. Depakote is horribe, horribe shit that will utterly destroy your brain if taken over the long terms. Psychiatrists are trained to view everything in terms mental illness and will tell you that you need meds even if you don’t. And, although they can’t have you committed unless you’re a danger to yourself or others, realize that psychiatrists have the power to make that call at their discretion, and even if their own exaggerted view of your mental condition doesn’t meet the criteria, very often they will simply embellish or lie to get you locked up. This is why it is not safe to discuss sensitive information with mental health professionals. "I want to hurt my cousin for raping my little sister"; suddely becomes "I raped both my little sister and my cousin and want to hurt myself." Many psychiatrists have an outright authoritarian complex and will become vindictive if you deny their treatment recommendatios. They’ll say you have "oppositional defiant disorder" and that you are too mentally ill to make your own medical decisions. My sincere advice: just short of hiding out in a cave in the mountains, do everything in your power to avoid psychiatrists at all costs. If your cousin really raped your little sister, by all means, go ahead and kill the nigger, if you can get away with it. That’s fucking justice, not mental illness. The problem is that you’re the only person who is rational enough to see the obvious solution. It’s anyone who disagrees who’s insane.

seriously, you’re the last person anyone should listen to. you quit your meds without your doc knowing, you talk about your anger and how you think it’s ok to blow up at someone because it makes you masculine, and now you’re on some rant about killing "that nigger" because EVERYONE else is wrong and he’s the only one who’s rational.

you are a poster child for why people are forced to take meds. you’re too deep in your own sickness to see how fucked up you are. this kid needs to tell his parents his concerns, tell his parents WHY he thinks it’s time to go off the meds, find someone else to talk to (like another doc besides the one he’s seeing), and rationally explain why he’s ready to quit.
There is a time and a place for violence, and that’s when someone is raping your little sister. It’s pussies like you who enable bullshit like that to happen by always insisting that medication is the answer rather than violence. Well, I’ll tell you straight up, if anyone ever rapes my little sister, that person is a dead nigger. And the world will be a fuck of a lot better off because of it, no thanks to medicated little hampsters like you.

Yeah, you sound antisocial. Nothing like having a criminal mind!

I agree with him. Certain situations require violence, and this is one of them. Murder is way out of line, but some serious roughing up is certainly not out of the question. I’m not encouraging it, but I can’t imagine any normal human being not atleast thinking about hurting the person who raped their little sister.
There’s a difference between wanting someone dead and telling a person who’s been talking mood stabilizers to go off them and to kill someone. One of them is stupid/antisocial, I’ll let you guys guess this one.

I’m not necessarily endorsing that he sould literally kill the guy. I’m just using that as a caricature for some kind of retaliatory action. A severe beating would be fully appropriate.

awesome……….he’s going to avenge his cousin’s rape by getting himself thrown in jail.

that’s a rational plan

he won’t get himself thrown in jail; the cousin cannot go to the cops, because he committed a rape

if he beats the guy up he’ll go to jail.

seriously, there’s something wrong with you.
LMFAO. And how would you suggest handling the situation, Captain Civility? Should he just sit down with the rapist so they can discuss their feewings? Go to a counselor so they can learn to communicate better? Take medication to correct his chemical imbalance? You are a dumbass, outright, and it is complacency like yours that destroys people’s lives.

police?

As opposed to you wanting to go "kill the nigger" and spending a few dozen years in jail?

no, that’s what you need.

no, what would destroy a life is if he decided to go beat someone up and spent the better part of his youth in jail.
Both bipolar depression and schizophrenia are serious mental health conditions that have clear biological foundations. If you truly have them, find a good psychiatrist and stick to your drug regime…

That’s much better, you don’t sound antisocial anymore…

Yeah man, those are all the real solutions, and going to the police to report the rape was not a solution.
Reporting the rape to the police on his part will not accomplish anything; it is the girl who has to report it.

That would have been her call then.

not really. often girls are too embarassed to report it

What do you want to do? Force her? Go on a self-judice journey (ie : go on a power trip filled with revenge and impulsivity) ?

Go to the cops myself and report it. Whether or not they can act immediately without her reporting it herself is moot. At the very least, they will have a record of the attack and a witness, rather than having her try to claim it happened months later with no supporting documentation

That’s what i said the guy should do but apparently it didn’t work according to soleus.

he can encourage her to report it.

or he can go your route and beat him up and go to jail. at least that way he’ll have proven how masculine and alive and full of testosterone he was………while he spends the next 3-5 years taking a cock in his ass in prison.
If I’m not mistaken … isn’t schizophrenia degenerative?

Do you know/have you discussed with your doc what the long term benefits of taking the meds are in order to evaluate whether or not it’s worth putting up with the side effects? Maybe your dosage/cocktail was just wrong & could use some adjustment. It’s something worth considering. Your future is in your hands regardless of how much it seems like others have influence over you.

Also, if you really want to come off like you have your shit together & get the doc to do what you want avoid using words like "I want, I need." In writing one is taught to avoid the terms "I, me, you, yours" when addressing the audience. You come off as being of sound mind because of the thought & consideration that method of communication conveys.

If you state that you discontinued the medication prescribed because the side effects were intolerable then you’re more likely to get a desired response from the doc over saying that you didn’t like what the meds were doing to you.

Feel confident that you know yourself & that the meds were not quite right. Ask for an adjustment to the dosage to show the doc you’re willing to work with ‘em. That way you seem more on their level rather than one of the "little crazy people" that leads them to think they know you better than you do.

& think long term. Figure out what you want for yourself & work toward it. Even if you have doubts, you can still have goals.

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I need some cheering up quick though… I haven’t eaten in over a day. I tried but just makes me feel sick. right now im on the caffeine (morning) and alcohol (at night) diet
she said "no, never" or "no, not now"?

btw, nobody’s going to be able to cheer you up. if she’s for you then hang in there. but if you’re not for her then, as painful as it is, you should get out.

well I guess its kind of in between no never or just not now.

here is a short summary.

we had some bad times. nothing really that bad (no cheating or anything) and she even admits they werent really bad. but for some reason she cant get over it. Even though our relationship has been great for a while.

she says she cant do it until she takes care of whatever her problem. I found out she has even gone to counselors over this.

She came to the conclusion something is wrong in her head that the only way she could get over this was to just break up and hope that completely ending the relationship. Then getting back together after some amount of time starting a "new" relationship. Of course with the chance that during this break she will decide to just completely end it.

It all sounds really weird to me but I believe what she is saying. I dont think she is just trying to mess with me. But at the same time Im just kind of stuck here by myself waiting…
You are a chump if you believe what she is saying.

What she told you is a load of shit.

fixed.
if thats the case you should really reconsider what youre doing. I think marriage is one of those things you should only do once. No need to rush

I agree. Im more so just taking this a normal break up. Havent talked to her since. If she’s for real about this then its something she has to figure out on her own

good for you. Don’t make the first attempt to contact her either.
get your money back from the ring and take a vacation with buddys
I dont really have the option of vacation or meeting people. I just got back from a vacation so it will be a while before the next. Im also in my last year of gradschool trying to finish up my thesis so I can defend it by the spring (this means 12hr+ workdays, everyday)
Then focus on yourself for awhile. You can think about marriage when you finish school.
1. Sorry
2. Don’t wait around for her
3. Focus on yourself for a while
4. Let her contact you
consider yourself lucky for getting out when you did…as bad as it sucks its better this way than if she said yes and it fell apart shortly thereafter…ask me how i know
You just keep doing your thing, and give her some time to think about it. It might be just the initial shock of your request that she is taken aback. Don’t give up hope yet, the ball is in her court basically, and its quite a big decision as wel, so its ok to give her some decision time. No need to push her, once again give her some time to think about it, and maby within a decent short amount of time ,she’ll turn around.

Whats an appropriate amount of time? I’m still going to just keep up my daily routine anyway but just wondering.

You shouldn’t be thinking at all about any amount of time for her to "think." You need to move forward as if you two are through. Focus on yourself. If she comes back in 4 months you will then have the choice if you want her back or not.

I’m more skeptical in this thread, I think like a lot of women she is intrigued by another man and wants to explore that before "settling" on you.
keep busy

If you find yourself sitting home alone and beginning to think about her, go out and do something. Call some buddys and grab some food, go to a movie, go walk around the mall, etc…

Yeah thats the plan. I was kind of pissed off that I missed my morning workout yesterday. I made up for it today. working 12+ hours a day helps out a lot too.

We dated almost 3 years. The more I think about this the more I realize that I’ve been in a similar situation before with a different girl and I got to be the guy just sitting and waiting. I really hope that is not the case with her though. She has always been a very caring and honest person so I really think she is serious about this.
If I had proposed to my girlfriend and she said no our relationship would probably end right there for good, I really don’t see how a relationship can recover from something like that. Return the ring and move on with your life I say.

My father proposed to my mother 3 times before she said yes and they had been dating over 2 years already. She said, "What is the rush? I’m not going anywhere." On the 4th asking she finally said yes and 35+ years later they are still together

It depends why she says no.

I agree in certain situations it could end up fine, but this doesn’t sound like one of them. I do find it odd that she said she wasn’t going anywhere, but didn’t want to get engaged though.

Because not everyone feels engagement and marriage are something that have to happen. They were happy not engaged and just dating. They also were (like the TS) finishing school/important jobs and there was no rush. They finally decided it’d be best to get married when they had some money saved.

why are you giving him false sense of hope?

You have to assume the worst in these types of situations or its just going to prolong the pain and confuse him more and possibly have him ruin the situation when he calls and talks and does whatever.

If someone told me straight out that my girl wasn’t coming back it would have helped a great deal.

Let me give you some advice that your feelings are going to make you ignore:

Never, EVER, believe what a woman tells you. Always, ALWAYS believe what she does to you. Her actions speak much louder than any of the shit that comes out of her mouth.

Do you really want to be with a woman who has these issues? Do you really believe that what she is telling you means that you have a healthy foundation with which to build a marriage? Do you really believe that these serious issues can be resolved in a matter of months?

First of all, it takes YEARS for some people to resolve issues like this (whatever they are, they are serious enough to make her not commit to you).

Honestly? I think she is just using you as a placeholder and she has low interest in you and is hoping something better comes along before the pressures of society forces her to settle with you.

Get out of this now and move on to a woman who is willing to treat you right and give you the commitment you deserve.

In the meantime, focus on your flaws and try to correct them.
I agree mainly with what everyone has said here.

But, can you explain what "her problem" might be?
I don’t know if she’s told you in great detail but that could be a really clear indicator of whether there’s a future or not.

Yeah I’ve been meaning to do that but I’ve been keeping myself busy.

Now that I look back I pretty much got by in the relationship showing her the minimum amount of love. Enough to keep the relationship going but I later learned that it really bothered her. This was for maybe the last two years. Of course I did nice things for her but I will agree I could have done more.

We almost broke up about 6 months ago over this. She explained it to me and like I said after thinking about it I can agree with her. Since then I really made the effort to change things and even she says things have been great since then.

A couple of months ago we some how got to talking about getting married and I told her that was something I really wanted. (up until now I had pretty much refused to talk about this). So she was very happy. She told all her friends, parents, and we even looked at rings a few times.

We had a talk around a month ago as she said that she really want to get married but that it would be nice if I wait to ask her for a little while so she could get close to finishing school (this means 6-12months) but that it was up to me when i do it.

We are both in gradschool so we are pretty much at our stress limit at all times. I graduate in about 9 months and she has another year or so. She wanted to wait since she said that the stress of planning a wedding would be too much to when she was just starting gradschool.

So I managed to wait about a month… which may have been a bad thing but she said she was planning on telling me about her break up idea last weekend anyway.

Her reasoning is that for some reason she cant get past the times that I didnt show her enough love. Even though she admits that the last 6 months or so have been the happiest she has ever been.

She talked to friends about this and went to a few counselors over this and came up with her idea that if she totally break off the relationship and then we get back together she will be able to forget.

Thats the short story. I’m still not really sure if I buy it but in the mean time Im just doing my own thing.

In a nutshell: Low interest in you.

Probably saying shit so she doesn’t hurt you.
I’d say her fear is pretty valid honestly. The whole time of engagement and right before engagement is always very exciting. They say women are their happiest when engaged and men tend to be very excited about the engagement to the point that they forget any problems the couple has. What your gf is thinking right now is "what if the second we get married he gives up on me?" To be honest, I’d probably feel the same way she does. I certainly wouldn’t want to convince myself I was about to make a lifetime commitment to a guy who couldn’t even shower me with love during the first few years of us dating.

Not trying to rain on your parade, just giving you another woman’s opinion on what she could be thinking. Though if it were me I have absolutely no agreement to the idea of breaking up just to try and get back together later as if it would solve anything. To me that’s just another way of saying, "Let’s be single. I’ll date a few guys and see what they are like. If I don’t feel anything like I do with ______ then I’ll know our relationship is the one."

Thanks I appreciate your view. I agree that I think this is a bad way to do this if in fact she is really serious about it. I could understand saying "no we need to wait longer" so that she could see if my new attitude is going to last.

To be honest I always loved her a lot. She was always saying how great of a girlfriend she was because she was so low maintenance which is really probably what started the whole thing. And I was always worried that if I do really nice stuff for her early on she was going to start to expect that from me all the time.

Had she brought this issue up a longtime ago we probably wouldnt be in this situation though

dawt.

it might be over, it might not.

if she’s genuinely honest, she’s doing the best thing for both of you as a whole.

She can focus on herself, and you do the same. If when she gets over it she decides ‘well let’s try this again’ – she’ll get ahold of you. Until that day happens, just keep movin forward…so if it never does – you’ll never have to stop and start over the moving on process.
I got this email from her today this morning.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you yesterday. It was completely insane
and busy. I realize I’ve fallen behind in a lot of things for classes and
am kinda freakin out right now. I hope that you are doing relatively
ok.Today is going to be another crazy day but I will seriously try to call
you. I want you to know that I’m not like pushing you away or whatever, I
just am so freaking busy right now that yeah – I dono – I have to get ready
for class now but I’ll try to talk to you later.

Now what I dont think im replying to it. But I guess I would answer if she calls

This is good. Don’t reply. Let her call you.

The fact that she is reaching out to contact you shows she cares and I’m sure she’s also partly worried that you aren’t trying to contact you every second. If she finally contacts you and says something along the lines of "why haven’t you called?" just very calmly (make sure you say it calmly and non-chalant) say you wanted to give her the space she asked for.

and then, because she’s so oblivious to your feelings, say "…………….and i think we need some time apart" and decide you’re not going to contact her or reply to her attempts to contact you for at least two weeks.

This almost seems counter productive but I think its a good idea.

I’m trying to understand the effect of doing this from her point of view. Maybe the point is to show her that I’m not just going to be one of those emotional support guys that to wait at the sidelines?

I also forgot to add to the story that we did spent nearly a whole day together after we broke up. I was staying at her place for the weekend when we broke up(I live 150miles away while in school) and I already had a few drinks that night so she wouldnt let me leave although I did try.

The next day we talked a lot and I found out that part of her worries were that I just changed so quickly and she didnt understand why or if it would last which is understandable.

I had a good explanation for why I changed so quickly and she said that really changed her though on the whole situation. She said that she was hopeful that this break idea would work but not to confidant (maybe a 5 out of 10 chance) but after I talked to her more she was a lot more hopeful (more like 7-8 out of 10). But who knows.

Wow, so I was right

Yep. Aren’t you always?

Yes, this is true….. I’m kidding. But I am a little shocked that she really confirmed that is was about your affection’s changing or worrying that they will change. Honestly though I don’t know how to play this. Ultimately it’s your life. Part of me thinks taking 2 weeks from her would be good for you…but at the same time if you want to be with her it doesn’t really equate that you would stay away from her when her main concern if how you feel about her.

In other words part of me thinks you’d be fine doing what you are doing now. Focusing mainly on yourself, giving her space and letting her contact you, but making sure she knows you aren’t contacting because you respect her wishes to have space and you are there for her

I talked to another girl today and she had the same conclusion. That I should give space but that at the same time I should make sure the she knows that its not because I dont love her anymore.

Her suggestion was dont talk to her but at the same time try and do something nice for her to show that I still do care like send some flowers to her place. sounds like a good idea to me..

I agree, I think that’s a nice idea. If she is stressed about school that’s a very sweet gesture.
Well she called just called and we talked for an hour or so. She still said that she is hopeful that this can work but yet still has doubts. She said that yesterday she felt really happy because she finally broke up with me since it has been something that has been worrying her for a while. But that its probably just because it let a lot of stress off her mind. She tends to do this where she will be really happy one day then sad the next.

She said that she would like to come spend the weekend with me in two weeks and I agreed.

I brought up the idea of not talking anymore if she though it would help her do this and that maybe we dont talk until I see her in two weeks. She said she doesnt know if she could go that long but maybe in a few days. She is going to try to not talk to me for two weeks but said she might call if she feels that she is ready to.

So thats the plan. I’m just going to try and somehow keep my mind off her for the next two weeks.

that doesnt sound so good. if her reaction is to feel good that she finally broke up with you, that means shes not actually happy when she is with you. and if thats the case, you should not be wanting her to come back. you want to be with (and marry) someone who feels awesome with you.

i’m hoping you wrote it out wrong, or mis-quoted her, but if thats what she actually said, i think thats a bad sign

I didnt look into it too much. She did admit that is probably just the stress of trying to figure out if she wanted to break up or not. And that finally making a decision either way took all that stress away.

She also tends to that. She has days where she is really happy then the next day she gets really depressed. (she is on meds for this but still happens)

Also, I dont know it it helps or not but she is a psychologist so I think she tends to really think about things. Maybe to much so sometimes.

But anyway I did flat out ask her if this is just over for good. That if she had already made up her mind it would be much easier to just do it now. And she said that it is not over and she still want to try and make this work.

I’m probably being too optimistic though..

Wait so this other girl said don’t talk to her but send her flowers and give her more attention? I guess proposing to her showed you didn’t care at all

It kinda sounds like she wants the best of both worlds and she’s trying to keep her options open right now in case she doesn’t find someone better she’ll have a fall back. If it were me I’d leave her and tell her when you decide what you want come talk to me but I can’t promise I’ll take you back. I know its hard but be strong man there are plenty of other women that won’t jerk you around.

I completely agree.

You are putting the ball in her court and telling her that it’s ok for her to treat you the way that she is.

Do you honestly like just being someone who she goes to when she only wants to?

What about your feelings throughout this whole thing? What about all of the stress that this situation is causing YOU?

She doesn’t give a fuck.

You’re giving her all of the power and letting her control the entire thing and you’re doing nothing but laying down like a doormat and letting her treat you like shit.

Get ahold of yourself.

This is a perfect way to handle it.

Just because she has some shit to figure out doesn’t mean you have to lay down and pay for it as well.

True, and also avoid that "I am not ready yet" bullshit excuse.
I’d almost guarantee if you found the time to meet other people and start dating and SOMEHOW she finds out you’re doing this…. she’ll want you back in a heart beat.

Eh, I don’t know. I do believe that she could be interested in other men, but maybe she DOES have some psychological issues she needs to work out. Not knowing those issues makes it difficult to for me to judge but if she’s seeing therapists she obviously has a lot going on in her head at the moment.

Just hang in there. Do your daily routine, don’t try to contact her, just let her know that you love her and you’ll be there if she changes her mind. If she does just want to be a whore and explore other men, then well, at least you didn’t marry the wrong girl. But if she does want to work on herself first, then give her time.
all right im drunk but fuck! i cant do this… I just wish I had a reason to hate her like my other ex. but she has helped me more in life than anyone else i know… i cant stop thinking about how i fucked this up so much. I still havent called her yet though…

my most recent ex set the bar pretty high when it comes to "showering me with love." i have settled for much much MUCH less in previous relationships, etc, and i sure as hell won’t do that again.

you didn’t give us any examples as to what you’ve done for her, so i’m just taking your word on that.

i don’t understand how breaking up with you and starting over one day will help this situation. is this the only issue between the two of you? is it possible that there’s something else that’s bothering her?

if showing your love and affection is the only issue at hand, i think staying together and working through this would be the better solution than breaking up. in fact, if it were me, i would’ve brought up the idea about looking into couples counseling. communication is the most important thing in a relationship, and i think that every couple could benefit from counseling.

actions speak louder than words, regardless of what sex you are!

agreed. always turn a negative situation into a positive one in your life. there’s always a lesson to be learned.

recently i planned and got us a free trip to hawaii that we took in august. her parents got us the hotel. i got us the tickets for free. we live about 150miles apart while in school but she did live with me this summer. part of this is that in the summer when she lived with me I didnt spent enough time with her. I had to spend a lot of long hours at school working but honestly if I could do this again I wouldnt have even gone to gradschool

I try and send her flowers and random messages as often as i can. everytime i drive down there to see her I try and do something nice for her. (bring her a small gift or just make her a nice dinner).

i think part of it is that she doesnt realize that being a gradstudent means insane stress and that ive managed to make time to talk on the phone to her every night and to see her every weekend. to do this means I put in 60+ hours of work mon-fri. So that i can just drive down to see her and spend a whole weekend just hanging out. She is just starting her first semester of gradschool right now so she is starting to understand that.

wow… you sound like a good boyfriend, imo…

i’ve been in a few ldr’s, and the distance was 10x greater than that of you and your gf, so i can relate. i think you’re doing a fine job. if this is more than what you’ve been doing in the past, then you definitely need to keep this up.

with that said, your gf needs to be a little more understanding and realize that your grad school studies come first. she should be proud of you, not hold it over your head!
Heres a small update:

She ended up calling me yesterday and we talked for a few minuets nothing serious just small talk. It was kind of weird and awkward since we have pretty much talked everyday since we met about 3 years ago. Then just out of no where no talking for a week or so.

We have talked a few times in the last day and I dont even try and ask her to talk about US. I did notice that she got jealous when I told her something that a girl from school said to me (the ex doesnt like this girl for some reason).

Guess I will just have to see how it goes this weekend.

I’m not exactly sure why she is coming to visit me (its a 3 hr drive). I hope its to try and work this out with me. But just to be safe I already packed all her crap she left at my apartment for her.

Well, it kinda sounds like typical behavior of somebody who has another person she’s talking to and is feeling him out while leaving you on the string.

It’s likely that she could be making the drive up to break up with you.

That’s worst case scenario.

agreed. weekend’s over. i’m dying for news
Man, walk away. If it is meant to be, she will come back to you. My fiancee and I broke up a year and a half ago for similar reasons. I spent months trying to get her back, a year actually. Right when I was about to give up, she came back to me. Mind you, I did date other people in the meantime. If she comes back to you, then you guys were meant to be. Otherwise let her go.
Well she stayed at my place the whole weekend and it went pretty well. Not as good as it could have been but oh well. She pretty much acted as if she was still dating me whole weekend so it was cool but kinda weird too.

She got to my place on Friday and we went out for dinner and drinks. Went back to my place and talked a lot and watched some movies. She is still sticking to her original story that she really wants it to work out with me. She told me that since we broke up she has been happy. And that she needs to figure out why she is happy not being with me. She said that she does not think its because I’m gone but more so because the stress of the whole situation is gone somewhat.

We did pretty much the same thing on Saturday. Out to eat, some drinks, then went back to my place and finally has some amazingly good break up sex. Her friend picked her up on Sunday and I guess she was crying a lot on the ride home.

After she left I went and got my money back for the ring. Then went out and got a bunch of new clothes and a new ipod to distract me for a while.
Right now we don’t really have any plans on seeing each other for a while. I might be staying at her place for the weekend when I go visit family for thanksgiving.

She sounded really serious about the whole break up and then get back together thing still. But I’m not really counting on it. I’m going to take viper’s advise and work on being happy with myself for now and if at some point in the future she decides to come back then I’ll deal with it then.
She said she has been HAPPY since she broke up with you…LMAO cut off all contact with her, she’s playing you like drum!
I’m glad you got the money back for the ring It sounds like you are doing really well considering you are both not together. Maybe this time apart has kind of made you realize you can live without her. I think your idea to just live for yourself is a good plan
You have to be the man and make the final decision to break up and stick with it. She’s torn between wanting to break up with you and not wanting to be alone. You don’t need to stop talking to her but it’s a good idea not to visit too often. Say "It’s not meant to be, but I’ll recover."

Yeah I’m doing alright. It might be the drugs though.. I went to the Dr last week for something totally unrelated and left with some depression drugs. I’ve only been on them a week but maybe they are kicking in..

I just plan on concentrating on myself. The last really hard break up I had I ended up working out a lot more and lost 60lbs. I’ll have to think of something to improve upon for myself for this break up.

good for you.

i totally agree with everyone. you should concentrate on yourself. if i were you, i wouldn’t even think about the thought of you two getting back together. i’m not saying you have to jump into a new relationship if/when that presents itself, but just don’t have thoughts about her on the front burner. for the record, i’m not totally discounting the idea, but actions speak louder than words! if she were into you, wouldn’t she make more of an effort to fix all her issues?

maybe i’m the only one, but i was kinda when i read the post about still seeing each other/hanging out. it seems like she’s getting the better end of the deal, imo. she’s not attached to you, still gets to talk/hang out with you, and you two recently had sex. either she wants to break up with you or she doesn’t. seems like she’s a little bit of a committment phobe.
The more I reflect on this situation the more I realize that she messed up plenty of things that led to this. There was a thread in the main forum about crazy girlfriends and after reading other peoples stories I noticed that my ex would fit right in there.

I agree though that even now if she still wanted to work stuff out she would be making the effort. I haven’t heard from her in like 3 days except a text message or two. I’m not counting on anything right now. I already boxed up all the pictures and anything that reminds me of her.

I’ve been keeping myself very busy which is also helping me get over this. Put in a few 15 hour work days in the last two weeks and went out drinking with friends a few other days. Right now I’m actually feeling pretty good.

Good shit bro.

Sounds like you’re taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing your relationship for what it really was, which generally happens once you break up and have space for yourself.

This is good because you need to realize that it’s not right for her to try to dick you around, but it’s also not right that you allow yourself to be dicked around.

it seems as though she’s happy with the way things are right now. i’m not saying that it needs to [or should] be "your way or the highway," but she needs to make more of an effort. in fact, if she cared about you and deep down wanted to be with you, she would make more of an effort.

i’d say be honest with her and let it go.
I have another update:
Just a little more background on her first. She is in gradschool for psychology which involves her doing a lot of counseling of other people but also means she has to get counseled by other psychology gradstudents a lot too.

I got a weird text message from her yesterday. Just when I though she didn’t care at all and I was getting over her. It said “I probably shouldn’t tell you this but I really love you and you’re such a great person.”

We ended up talking over my lunch break for a while. I guess she had been getting counseled earlier that day and through that process realized that she really wanted to be with me. She said that out of all her friends she realized that I am the only person that has always been there for her and the only person she can really trust. She also said she is totally not happy anymore at all.

She also realized that one of the big problems of our relationship wasn’t that I didn’t show her enough love (that is still part of it) but that she didn’t tell me when things bothered her. She pretty much said that she never wanted to bother me with her feelings because she thought I would get mad at her. So we came to the conclusion that the reason I thought everything in the relationship was great is because she was hiding any problems she had and acted like everything was great until the little problems she had turned into huge ones.

Anyway, we are still not together. She said she still needs to deal with other issues she has and I’m becoming quite content with being single for now anyway (the attention I’m getting from girls right now is great).

I believe in marriage etc but I think it should be for the right reasons and not just from the perception that ‘marriage will fix things – we’ll be together and everything will be okay’ (to the original poster, I’m not alluding that you think this way, just saying in general). If she has issues she needs to deal with them first. See how it goes, I mean if she says she still loves you and may still want to be with you, don’t let her go just yet.

Current boy is ready for marriage and seems to think everything will be okay if we do. I’ve explicitly said that we have a lot of issues we need to deal with first before we even think about going down that path. Doesn’t mean I want anyone else, nor does it mean I don’t love him. It just means that marriage is that important to me that I want to think long and hard about it first because I really only want to get married once…

She thinks a lot like you do.. I know that she really wants to make sure that she only get married once. I think that part of why she wants to make sure that she knows why she acted the way that she did.
So just a little up date in case anyone is still reading this crap.

I called her up yesterday and told her I was just sick of her back and forth shit between telling me she really loves me one day then hates me the next. I said I was sick of her fucking with my head and I told her I don’t want to talk to her anymore. I said maybe in a few months we can see if we want to talk but until then I dont want to hear from her. She freaked out and started crying a lot. I was pretty cool about the whole thing and didnt even cry.
good move. whatever happens, this will move things forward.

remember, whatever happens is for the best. It always is.
If this helps her focus and you get married, great. If she decides to break it off, that’s also great.

The only bad things are stasis and ignorance.
Update on her next move.

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I hate feeling somewhat like a nut case when it comes to this crap, but I cant seem to shake away some feelings leftover from my first love, no matter how hard I seem to try.

Basically, what this dream is, of me driving at night someplace, but it’s me and a passenger. Its a women, who’s face I never see. The only visual thing I can clearly remember, is that it’s an average looking female, wearing all red.

Throughout the car ride, she is challenging me and questioning my actions and judging my first and only relationship. It was constant, I constantly answered and then it would be something else, "why did you do this, how come you did that!?" in a scolding manner. Towards the end of this "dream," I somehow end up sitting somewhere (no longer in the car), the whole area I am in is just black, pitch black, with what appears to be a single spotlight pointing towards me, where I can only see the women standing near me.

Pause here for a second, before I finish it up. For that past few months, Ive built my own "wall" if you will, a sort of "better then you" type ego when it comes to women. I cant really describe it. I feel it’s my only defense to keep myself from getting attached to anyone person I guess, to protect myself from getting hurt, I dont know.

Going back to the dream. It usually just ended with her asking "why did you love her?", in a more compassionate tone, and that was it. I never answered, well, until last night. I answered, "because she gave me something that I have never truely had in my life; comfort, compassion and the understanding of real love towards me." I know this is getting cheesy as fuck, but this is what really shook me up.

Almost instantly after saying this, she appears next to me, dosnt say a thing, and just presses my head into her chest and just holds me in manner that was meant to "comfort." Yea, seems kind of stupid, right? Well, the thing that made me feel shaken up, is that I felt it, emotionally. I have never felt so vulnarable before by anything since my ex. I haven’t felt this way since then. It was a taste of it. Its hard for me to explain, but if you can comprehend what I am trying to say, then I hope you understand, cause I’m having a hard time myself right now.

I woke up, and the feeling was, and still is, fresh in my mind. So much so, that I actually almost broke down. All day, Ive just been not myself. If I had to make some sort of sense of it, my best guess is that it is really a reminder of what I really need or want in my life; the feeling of comfort and security.

Ultimatly, I feel confused and wayward right now about this seemingly insignificant dream. Never in my life have I had this kind of effect from a dream.

Bah, I dont know what else to say about this. Consider me crazy if you want
Have you ever talked to anyone about your ex? Have you ever sat down and had a deep conversation with one of your friends? your parents? or your relatives?

It seems like you’ve been bottling up a lot of emotions from a relationship that you deemed extremely important to you, but you have not let go of. Do you have problems sharing your emotions with other people? Is your relationship with your mother weak or fragile, or non-existent?

To be honest, sitting here and listening to what you had to say, I could almost conclude that you never really felt close to anyone before. And this girlfriend helped you break that and be close, but it ended up in rejection.

We all get rejected: it’s part of the relationship. I just had a break-up with my last girlfriend, and I was basically told she never really liked me. So, six months of nothing. But ya know what? I understand that, and I know it’s time for me to move on and keep on going. You can’t dread about the past forever. You need to start looking to the future.

And don’t worry, you are NOT crazy.
Still think you need to look into the free therapy at your school.

In all honesty, yes, she was really the only person Ive ever been close to. I love my family as I feel I should, but I am not close to them as other people may be with their families. To make it easier to understand, I feel my ex knows me better then my actual family does.

Ive tried to talk to someone else, but it just dosnt work or "feel" right. If you knew me in person or me my whole life, I always keep my emotions and deep feelings to myself, unless angry towards something, I never physically show any of these emotions. I just cant, but it was only her that was actually able to get me to actually open up about anything. However, it wasnt enough for her, she felt I was always holding back, when in reality, I just dont know how, making her feel as if I was pushing her away.

I honestly do not want to have these left over feelings anymore. Ive been masking them with a false ego, and its the only way I know how to keep them from getting to me. I dont feel the "pain" from it, but I certainly remember how it did feel at some point, and what happened in my dream really echoes what I really yearn for.

Ive always been the "loner’ type, small group of friends, thats it, really. Never really followed the crowd, but I’m not a rebel type either. I just do my own thing and always have been.

I dont like having to talk about my ex, but these subconcious feelings and emotions are remnents from her, and I feel forced to be reminded of that

I would have been but I havent had anything like this affect me since then. I think I’ll be fine now. Just a wake up call, I guess

You’re not fine. Therapy will help you continuiously work and vent your feelings. You think you’ll be fine now but you’ll continue to have these depression bouts. Stop being afraid of therapy, you need to open up to people. You said yourself that you’ve always had a hard time with it.
If you don’t have a friend that is willing to sit down and talk with you, I would definitely suggest checking out your school to talk to some kind of psychologist about what you’re going through. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

What you need to do is you need to find someone you’re able to sit down with, and explain your deepest, darkest secrets, and be able to trust them enough not to tell anyone. It’s hard to find someone like this, but when you do, you will never be able to thank them enough.
Well luckely this is one of the more easier to explain.

To those who hurt us: we close ourselves.
To those who love us: we open ourselves.

Love is a let go in which we expose ourselves in a volunerable way. 9/10 that your dream was not an instance but a spiritual induced one, by an entity who wants to know why you ‘solemnly expose yourself only to an ‘exlusive’ person’. The reason is because you are a ‘reserved’ person, which you basically described as being a ‘loner’. Which isn’t ‘really true’, you are simply a person who doesn’t want to go out in the field and ‘get hurt’ as a result you’ve build this barrier around you, and only those who are not only compatible with your personality but also who are not out with an intent to hurt you can enter your life.

These people would be the people that have been good for you , but these people also get a special place in your life like your mother and father, that wouldn’t be so much out of the ordinairy , but for a person like you these people almost have like ‘shrines’ in your heart. So a little bit more about the woman in your dream.

Faceless spirits are that because they are covered by negative experiences, not necessarily because they are negative entities themselves.

A core principal in the spirit world is that you have to love everyone in an equal manner. Your incredible exclusive and almost nitpicking preferences into whom you love have sparked this spirit into asking you a ton of questions on why and where this exclusive behaviour of yours comes from. It basically stems from ‘self protection’ and because your world is so ‘tiny’.

So there’s basically 3 important things you need to learn.

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

The only thing you learn from being introvert is that you need to be extravert,living a life as a hermit is wrong because Introvertism is a path towards lonelyness, at one point the lonelyness would become so bad you would be screaming for company anyway, so you want to steer away from leading a lifestyle like that.

Expand your world: You’re missing out A LOT in life, if you don’t put yourself out there in the field, although it is true that you won’t receive love by hugging thornbushes, life is more like going thru a minefield, where you try not to get blown up by bad experiences and try to reach the finish line.

The meaning of life is love everyone and everything. Although it is good to be exclusively ‘the one’ for your special loved one, and stay 100% loyal to that loved one, try to expand your ‘general love’ towards more people and more positive constructive things. The life of an introvert loner is particular in that it is a lifestyle that is lead in order to shield and protect themselves from hurt from the ‘outside world’. But reality is that you can’t live in a box forever, you’re just stopping your own physical and even more important spiritual progress. I urge to stop the loner lifestyle, not because its anything against you, but because you can’t grow with a ‘living inside of a box’ lifestyle.

Thanks

Just got alot more going on then I really thought.

As for seeing a therapist, Im not sure yet. Its not because I’m afraid, but I dont think I can or will be able to automatically open up to him/her. Ive realized I can only speak so much, and then keep the deeper stuff to myself.

As for what you say about "expanding your love" to everyone….I havent said anything about this yet, but I feel its more relevent then anything else to say it.

Lately, Ive been having a weird feeling to find another girl, for more the reasons of what this topic is about. Not only am I seeking this form of "comfort," but I have a yearning to be able to just be a sort of "protector" or a sort of "hero" to a girl. I cant describe as to why, I just do feel that way. Saying this aloud only sounds kinda of cheesy and stupid. I guess for a lack of better word to describe this, I want to be a "chivalrous" man (I feel that word is overused for somereason..)

But thats how Ive honestly felt this past month, really. I guess Ive just been watching too many animes lately which show this type of person, but who knows.

As for the dating thing, Im not going to try anymore. Im just going to live and see if my fate allows another love in my life.

I say go to a therapist man, its helping me…I’ve been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist… the psychiatrist in 20 minutes figured out I was bi-polar and explained moments I’ve had in my life with great clarity…the therapist is helping me with codependency and my self image. I’m finally starting to realize my ex is crazy, and i’m not the bad person she made me out to be…and that I miss the love, not her…anyway get help man, it will make you better off..now if I can just stop thinking about it all the time..

Gray

Aww, I’m so glad you are going and are having good results
The big question here is: How is your relationship with your mother?

you talking about me or the op?

actually my mom died 2 years ago…never really got to deal with it either, I guess one of these days I will…after I get thru dealing with the loss of my first love..and many other things..

Gray
I honestly dont know how to respond.

My relationship with my mother is alright I guess. We aren’t close, but we aren’t too distant from each other. I just never have been the "family type." If you want me to expand on it, I guess the only thing that my parents clearly have done, has always placed me "2nd" to my brother. Perhaps, you can say my lack of closeness with my family is because of this reason alone.
I guess I have another possible reason for this kind of "experience" that may have be initiated it. I didnt want to say this before, but its that I know for a fact that I will have to see my ex again in person.

For those who dont know, I was in an LDR, in which she left me shortly after visiting her. I’ll spare the details, but later found out she cheated on me the week prior.

Its really been bugging me, I guess it’s really because the last thing she said to me in person, when I was leaving to go home, was "I’ll be waiting here for you." Ive been thinking about this alot lately because Ive started realize that I will have to deal with her in person again.

The reason for this, is because we met in an orchestra, to which both of us have strong relations to. We’ve been asked to even staff trips and the like when we are around. I know that I’ll be attending a few concerts and the end of the year banquets, etc. One thing I am pretty sure about, is that my mother is still talking to my ex’s mom, because both are volunteering to help the orchestra’s organizational stuff.

Its hard because I know the director’s and head staff dont really know about the break up. We were in a way considered the "model" couple with them there, aside from my former, and extremly sexist female brass band director. Another thing thats going to hurt is that I made a good friend. He is only in the 6th grade, but incredibly mature, you would think he was in his mid teens. He always looked up to me and her while there. From what Ive heard, he dosnt have many friends in and out of school, so he really took a liking to us. Several times, he and his family tried to have us vacation with them at their place in the Key’s. I know he’ll be able to understand when I see him again, but its not going to be easy telling him that we are no longer together.

So, its not a matter of "if," just "when." I guess I’m just doing this to myself

Honesty, in a way, yes. Its not because I necessarily dont want to, I have more things I have to worry about, then this. This seems to only come about while Im completly alone and able to just think to myself. Its just not as big of a problem in my life right now in comparison to my responsibilities

Granted, Im able to talk about this here, but in reality, Im not sitting here going mad. If it gets to that point (which I doubt it will) then I’ll make an effort to get my sorry ass to one. My primary reasons right now are:
-Financial
-School
-Time

Another thing is that I dont want to have to explain to ANYONE why Im seeing a therapist…

Then you never would I’m in the process of finding a new therapist. I’m not sitting here going crazy or depressed ripping my hair out, I just love that I can go once a week to talk about the issues deep down that I see really effect my actions and decisions with a completely unbiased, unjudging person
You’re still scared

If you are in college, most colleges have therapists on campus, for free, to the students. As well, they work around your schedule: if you have a lot to do one week, they can push it back to another week.

And you don’t have to explain to anyone why you are seeing someone: it’s hard to get through problems on your own. It’s not as bad as it seems.

But i’m not trying to pressure you into it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t let us tell you what you need to do. You know you better than we do and it’s up to you to figure out how you want to solve this.

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The reason I’m wondering is because a couple of years ago I was depressed due to my specific situation (I can elaborate on this, but it’s not the point of the question), all I had was suicidal thoughts everyday for a few years and didn’t have any motivation to do anything. Eventually I met a girl and that gave my life made a pretty drastic change, it helped me snap out of that suicidal state and gave me lots of motivation to get things done.

Now it’s been months since we broke up, and I’m in almost the same situation as I was before (life kinda sucks atm), however, although I’m not very motivated nowadays, I don’t feel suicidal or anything like that anymore.

The difference between before and now was that before I knew life wasn’t going to get better, and now I know that life will get better, it did get better before and it’s great when it does.

But yeah, anyway, I’m just wondering if people get seriously depressed more than once, or do they generally grow stronger after they get over the first one? Or is the answer ‘everyone is different’? Right now I know that there’s no way I can be suicidal like I was before, I realize it was dumb of me to have been thinking that way before.
It only took me 5 years of lurking to grow the balls to make a post in here lol
I think you can definitely get depressed more than once in your life. How old were you the last time you went through depression? I was 14 when I went through it. It’s good you aren’t suicidal now.
I was horrendously depressed (suicidal even) in high school, but more or less snapped out of it the year before graduation. I run into tough times like everyone else but I suppose my shifts in perspective cause me not to wallow in self-pity and helplessness.
I wasn’t too happy at 17, from there it got worse and worse until I was around 21. Those weren’t very good years for me >.>

Now you say people get depressed more than once, but can people get suicidal more than once?
Yes……god yes….

I don’t think depression is an ‘instance’, I think it’s more a mental persuasion (for lack of a better word). I think the ironic part about depression comes from the fact that it’s usually preceded by very high – high’s.

You have the attitude of things going well and you’re happy with the way they are progressing and some way or another they all turn to shit. Sometimes it’s because you put your faith in other people and they let you down and other times it’s because you saw something that wasn’t there in the first place.

I’ve been on and off theoretical suicide about half a dozen times in my life. I say theoretical because I get to the point that I ‘wish’ I could kill myself, but I never have either the balls or wherewithal (I know that’s a word but probably misspelled) to go through with it.

That’s not a bad thing to me though….because in the end no matter how dark and morbid my thoughts become, there’s always something that makes life worth living to you.
Well, speaking as a psychologist, depression does happen more then once in a lifetime. Especially with how life and situations in peoples lives are so different now then they ever have been.

With mine, my younger sister with downsyndrom had surgery recently, she was coughing up blood and i had to stay with her and my mother at the hospital for several nights with no sleep. My mother has a slipped vertibra diskin her neck, and now a degenerative disease making the bones in her neck disenigrate almost. The rich, pompus few on my mothers side of the family hate us for reasons unknown because of jealousy of not praising my cousin’s baby while we have problems with gabbriel (my sister) to worry about. My broher whom used to be deep into drugs, has found a better light in his life and in florida now getting everything situated, only to get into a car accident and now ahs tremendus back problems from time to time.

I can write a book from the things that have happend in my life, and still are in fact. And what i told you so far is only the tip of the ice berg for a lack of better words. And all in short.

But you know what? I keep high spirits still. I meditate over my thoughts, and think of things on a psychological, analytical, and philisohpical matter. Pace yourself, think over things, and relax. Things are bad in life now, and things may have been bad around to, and/or directed to just you from jealous people back in your highschool days. Keep peace of mind, and answers will come to you.

Our mind is like a pond of water, rush your hand through it quickly to find the answer, things become distorted, and blurry. Move your hand through it softly, gently, all becoems clear.

Just keep a steady mind and concious thought of today, and let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. Keep concious of what must be done tomorrow, but dont worry about whatever it may be so far ahead of time before its arrival.

I hope i was able to remedy any questions/problems. If not, i would be more then happy to give you a depper analysis. I only went off of what i can tell from you so far by your posts.
And yes, you do grow stronger from these depressions. But also keep in mind it may cripple you if you worry too much about them. Take them in as experience, and bend as metal, so that you may bend back. But never break, or you are doomed to be as brittle wax.
Hell yes you can be depressed more than once. I have felt depressed for a long time off/on but took two big hits. Once when I was ~13 and once basically…now? More so like a few weeks ago. I’m feeling pretty good right now really.
A lot of teens are normally depressed because of the surge of emotions and hormones and being so vulnerable to others and sometimes themselves. We first grasp our perspective of the world around us around age twelve. Many things can affect our mentality and how we perceive things. Environment, people, ourselves, genetics, etc. That’s why it is good to meditate over your thoughts, and keep a steady patient mind. Its never your fault for feeling depressed, you just need to meditate over your thoughts and feelings is all. And make your mental foundation stronger.
Its basically so that you can always have a fall back. But the real difference between the first time and this time is that you know you have to push thru such a period and work hard while making smart decisions in order to make circumstances better for yourself.
Depression isn’t the chicken pox. It’ll happen whenever your situation and mind call for it.

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I’m now in love with this caring and supportive man who actually wants to look me in the eyes and kiss my face while we’re in bed and I can’t handle it. We’ve been together for a long time, and I’ve made some progress with this intimacy thing over the past few years- now, I am mentally present the entire time, but I feel extremely uncomfortable and anxious. I don’t like being touched in certain places. I can barely open my eyes when we’re in bed together. It’s not that I don’t want to- I just can’t do it without feeling like the floor is falling out beneath me. It’s like I traded one shitty response for another.

So what do I do?

Just so you have a little background:
I was raised in an alcoholic home- my dad is an alcoholic/drug addict (sober for 9 years now) and mom was and still is an enabler. Both of them also come from alcoholic homes. That’s not to say I had a bad childhood, but it surely wasn’t easy. However, I do believe they did the best they could with what they had at the time.

I developed an eating disorder at 12 years old- I’ve managed that fairly well for the past 4 years. But, as anyone with an ED can attest, each day is its own battle. My first sexual experience was at 13. All I’ll say is that it was absolutely horrible but also my own fault for placing myself in that situation to begin with.

Now, I’m fairly sure that these 3 factors account for my issues with intimacy. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. The problem is, I don’t know HOW to get past this intimacy road block. I’ve been trying to do it on my own, but I feel I’ve hit my limit. I have no health insurance and I can’t afford to get it -and my school doesn’t have a counselor. I have also called every psychologist’s office in my area, but I have yet to find one that offers a sliding fee scale. I don’t know what other options I have at this point.

Of course my SO and I have talked about this many many times. He’s patient and understanding but it makes me so sad to know that I can’t offer him the same genuine connection he gives to me. I don’t know what to do at this point.

I know there’s not much of a solution to be offered here- I just didn’t know if someone else has experienced this same kind of thing and could offer any advice. I know a lot of you read a lot of self help books too and maybe you knew of a book or two I could pick up.… any advice is welcome. J

I’m more than willing to answer any questions and I’m sorry this is so damn long.

** CLIFFS ** Sex and intimacy scares the shit out of me and I need to figure out how to shut up and soldier on.
Have you ever tried counseling? I’m sure you have thought about it?
I’ve had a few people recommend "The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved" to me just cause. Might be worth looking at, but I haven’t read it myself so I can’t tell you if it’s worthwhile.

If you are at your breaking point, and he is understanding, maybe take a short break? stop trying to force yourself to participate actively and enjoy it. Couples can do many other enjoyable things together – try spending time together in other ways, and maybe just do the whole loving thing – massages, etc, without focusing on having sex in any way.

It’s basically a mental roadblock/obstacle that you will have to climb over some day, so I suggest conditioning yourself in a sense. Maybe try positive visualization or mental chanting to yourself to help you stay focused/grounded and not panic over being intimate. Do not allow your past negative experiences to hold you back – you must remember that you are stronger than them. It might take awhile, but I think you will find a means or method that works for you to start to grow into a more intimate person.
i cant pretend that i can help; sorry. but i can suggest that you see a professional, maybe read that book. that sounds like a good start.
Counselling can be a wonderful thing, and you should never rule it out but I think that you can work out a lot of problems on your own as well, and well if that doesn’t work you can fall back on counselling because it will still be there if you need it.

What it sounds like to me, and I may be way off base and if I am forgive me… But it sounds like a cycle of sorts, starting with the earlier experiences. You did things you didn’t want to do, and for the wrong reasons and now your troubles stem from those very acts. I think the first step may be to come to terms with your past, all the way from the sexual occurances to your parents. I grew up around drugs personally rather than alcohol, and my solice comes in realizing that everything I went through in life comes from that past, and knowing that I am content with who I have become I wouldn’t want to change those events. I learned from them.
Think about the reasons behind your issues with your past, and the how and why. You disassociated yourself from your surroundings during sex because it wasn’t right to you, and you knew they didn’t love you. Well, remember this, it’s not a matter of fault. Yes, you made some bad choices but I am assuming you learned from them since your with a better person for you now that cares for you, and as such are probably in a better place all around.

Well, that means that you learned from your mistakes so as not to make them again, and that is what it’s all about. You have to let yourself let go of the internal blame game. Something I thought of, and this may or may not help but I came to realize that it was silly that I blamed myself all these years for those events because I was a child, and my actions good or bad were a direct result of my environment and upbringing. I was fortunate to have had a good start from living with my grandparents my first 7 years of life and knowing that my surroundings were wrong and weren’t normal, so that also helped bring me through everything. I still have things that happened to me that I will probably never talk about, mostly because I’ve come to terms with them and while they sometimes resurface I know that those choices I made were due to my circumstance and perceptions at the time.

I don’t know if any of this will help, or if it even makes sense as I just woke up but I can say to start things off stop blaming yourself and know that you’re not that person anymore that went through those things. We are governed by our everchanging perceptions, so I think if you can put that behind you the intimacy will come naturally. Good luck in your endeavors, and I hope you find the answers you need whatever the source, but I think you’ll find the most resolute are in yourself.
Geekier and Hellcat- Thank you so so much for your responses

I desperately want to go into therapy to fix this, I just don’t have health insurance and haven’t found anyone who offers a sliding fee scale. I am still searching though…

Thank you for your suggestions about visualization and mental chanting- I never thought of that. And your suggestion about learning to feel comfortable with loving actions first, then sexual actions after, is a really good idea. Not knowing where to start, I’ve jumped into this head-first, with no real plan, just trying to deal with this overwhelming anxiety as it comes. I’ll tell you what- it hasn’t worked. (cause I guess I thought it would?!? ) Your response really means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

I’ve felt I needed to face this for a very long time, But I’ve been too afraid. I’ve been trying to work through this for the past year but I feel like I’ve come as far as I can by myself. I don’t have the right tools to fix this. I need help.

I am going to pick up the book you suggested from the library tonight and discuss this with my SO once I’ve had the chance to digest a few things

Thank you again.

"Thank you for your support Yuppy "

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my question is, should i see my primary care doctor or a psychiatrist? both would be through my university, and both would probably be someone i haven’t seen before. i just don’t know who usually deals with this sort of thing. thanks!

When I used to get them to the point of black out in college I went to my primary care physician. He actually got me on zoloft. I also started briefly seeing a psych.
The ONLY thing your primary care doc will do is give you drugs. Drugs don’t cure panic attacks, so it seems silly to waste your time and money there.

Go see a psychologist who specializes in NON-medication treatment, hypnotherapy, CBT, etc.
See a PCP first. He/She can then better analyze your need for see a psychiatrist.

So…the Zoloft my primary physician gave me for my panic attacks were just drugs that didn’t work?

Nor does Xanax, didn’t you know?

For real.
Has anyone tried the "suck it up and walk through the panic" method?

I’m not at all being critical or trying to minimize panic attacks. Thankfully, I’ve never had one and I only know of one person that did and it was the result of some screwed up brain chemistry due to drug use. So I don’t know anything about how panic attacks feel or work or any of that.

And I’ve never heard of anyone saying, I knew I was panicked but I was able to keep going and they went away.

I used to have one weekly, and they were bad too. There were times where I was very capable of fighting my way out of one…but it was hard. Honestly, taking the meds ended them completely and I haven’t had one since…shit, I can’t even remember it’s been so gloriously long.
Usually there is a psychological component, so generally a psychiatrist to treat the anxiety, as well as a therapist to help uproot any possible cause that you can work through.

Thats correct.

Correct also.

And, are you still on the meds?

it’s WAY harder than it sounds, and took me years of trusting myself enough to do that.
Panic attatcks are rearely one of those singular issues, usually a symptom identifying a much deeper issue. Definitely see someone about them.
I’ve had them since I was quite young and been left in blackout several times. Because they’re linked to stress I try to regulate my breathing and detatch myself from situations, it rarely averts an attack but keeps me concious.
Alternative to seeing someone you might want to experiment with meditation

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