I honestly don’t know where this comes from, but everytime I see or hear about my girlfriend drinking I have this serious negative reaction where I get really angry/upset, my heartrate goes way up, and my stomach turns in knots. It’s f’ing weird, and it causes strain in our relationship and in my life in general, and I’d love to be able to change it.

Last night was the night her mother wanted to take her out to celebrate graduating from college. I wasn’t invited along because my gf knew how I react when I see her drink, and she didn’t want me to ruin the night I guess. That, in itself, made me feel like crap. Anyway, she went and had a bunch of drinks, and came home a few hours later than she said she would. She never called or anything to let me know she was going to be later, but again, I know it’s because she thought I would get upset that she was drinking more than she said she would (she said she would have 1-2 at max). When she came home I started a big fight, and although it’s resolved now I still feel like crap over the whole thing.

I mean, she was in a safe environment…her mother loves me, and would never let a guy come take her away or something. I’m just not sure why I respond to that particular situation like I do. I can watch friends drink themselves unconscious, and while I find it annoying at a certain point, I never have this type of mental/emotional/physical response. As I’m sure you can guess, I don’t drink at all…not because I’m necessarily against drinking, just because I never feel like doing it.

The strange thing is that it’ll happen if she’s sitting right next to me drinking something or if she’s with someone else and I’m not there. It’s the same response, either way. It also doesn’t matter how many…it happens with the first drink all the way through the last. And she doesn’t drink often – she admitted last night that this was the most she had to drink, ever. The last time she drank was New Year’s Eve, so it’s not like it’s happening all the time.

I just want to change how I react to the situation. I know in my head that I shouldn’t react this way…that it’s not a big deal, everyone does it, she was in a safe place, she’d never cheat on me, etc. It’s just this automatic physical/emotional response that I can’t seem to break.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?

There’s nothing wrong with drinking.

There is something wrong with being an addict however.

If she’s doing it in a safe/controlled environment and doesn’ do it reguarliy, whats the harm?

Perhaps try drinking with her?

That’s the point…I understand all of that, which is why this is so frustrating. It’s not a conscious reaction, it’s totally automatic. I suppose if I’m out with her I could have a drink…that might help a bit. I’m always the one driving, so I always feel like it’s my duty to stay sober. In some ways, I guess, it does make it worse when it’s something she’s doing that I’m not…maybe being that "outsider" makes me react as if it’s worse than it is.
I don’t see anything wrong with drinking, just as long as she does not become an alcoholic.
Did either of your parents drink too much or was someone close to you an alcoholic?
I can sort of empathize with your situation. If my significant other drinks, I get kind of weirded out. Not as dramatic of a reaction, but it still sets off a small flutter of aprehension.

For me, I think it’s mostly because of the fact that I’m jealous that my significant other is having fun without me, and I kind of wonder why she’s drinking in the first place because she doesn’t drink at all.

Another reason, something I don’t personally experience but you might, is that even though you tell yourself "she won’t cheat on me", "she won’t do anything stupid" etc., your subconscious might still be a little paranoid about it as a simple defense mechanism. It may or may not be a trust issue, but doesn’t necessarily have to be. It’s also probable that you’re just subconsciously concerned about her. Alcohol does cloud judgment. Even though she’s in a safe environment, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel healthy concern.

So, I guess it’s up to you to really figure out why you have this reaction to your significant other drinking. Then, and only then, can you tackle the root cause.
I would say it has to do with you being worried about her doing something with another man that she wouldn’t normally do because of the alcohol.

I really believe this when you say "I mean, she was in a safe environment…her mother loves me, and would never let a guy come take her away or something." You didn’t say "Her mother wouldn’t let her drink enough to get alcohol poisoning," or "Her mother wouldn’t let her get behind the wheel." To me, that post shows what is going on in your subconscious mind.

If that’s the case, then you should check out some books on building trust in a relationship. Remember, just because you know in your head that she won’t cheat doesn’t mean your heart knows it too.
I have gone through the same problem. I STILL get a little tightness in my chest whenever I hear a girl I’m dating is wasted or something. I think it has to do with the fact you’re afraid something bad is going to happen since you aren’t around. It’s a justified cause, as let’s face it, alcohol severely lessens your ability for good judgment, but you can’t start assuming and accusing unless the signs are obvious.

That’s the battle you’ll find yourself in with a g/f who drinks sometimes when you aren’t there. The line between feeling that quick tightness automatic response, and assuming something bad happened and accusing is very thin.

This is what I first thought. This kind of reaction doesn’t come out of nowhere. Something must have given you such a negative view of alcohol that you don’t drink and have panic attacks when you girlfriend does.

This was my second thought. Paranoia won’t get you anywhere. Unless she’s given you a reason not to trust her (then why are you with her anyway) just let her do her own thing. Life is much better when you’re not paranoid all the time.

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Sometimes I don’t even know if I want to continue taking the medication. 6 months ago I didn’t have to take anything unless it was a sleeping pill for my insomnia. Now I’m taking zoloft, some tranquilizer my doc gave me to help with sleep, and smoking weed almost daily this week since I’ve felt like like a emotional wreck this week. I kinda tried to kill myself last weekend but it was a half assed attempt. I knew putting a whole bunch of cuts in my lower forearm wasn’t going to do much, but i just kept slicing away without the nerve to hit a vein. There is one thing I can say that zoloft has seemed to have helped me with and that’s general anxiety. But I don’t know some days i feel good (not great) and some other days I feel like I should just slit my wrist. The scary part now is that after cutting myself a bunch last weekend I’m now over that fear that cutting myself would hurt too bad so I now know slitting my wrist is a possible course of action. Hell I don’t know sometimes I kinda wish mixing all these fucking pills and weed will just put me out of my misery in my sleep like heath ledger. I hate acting/feeling all emotional but it seems like I hit a wall that I can’t get around right now.

You need to be honest with your doctor and get help. Cutting is a sign of a severe depression problem. If you aren’t honest with them, they can’t help you. Look into a pyschologist as well, they aren’t licensed to prescribe medication and they can work with you through mental therapy. It may take a few before you find the right one, but keep searching, you’ll find one you like.
Get out of your depression hole you’re sinking in, which is probably your room/apt/whatever. Go to a book store, sit down and read some self help books with what you’re facing. They can help immensely, and it gets you in a well lit positive place. Environment is key with depression. The more you sit around in a dark place laying in bed, the worse you’ll become. Go out with friends, see movies, talk a walk. Get out of your room.

I already see a psychologist and this week we talked about me feeling like everyone hates me for some reason. But I don’t feel like I can be completely honest in there since I told her that i drank one night and woke up in a strange room covered in puke. She went and told a alcohol counselor who i was seeing separately (for an alcohol poisoning incident ) and who I told I hadn’t had a drink in 2 months to. And one time I told her I felt like killing myself. She asked me if I had a plan and I told her I always had a plan. Then she suggested me going into a hospital for evaluation but I rejected that idea. Ever since that I haven’t told her about the days I’ve felt like killing myself and I hid the cuts on my arm from her this week.

Yeah I have a tendency to isolate myself in my room when I’m feeling depressed. I also cut my ties with people when I’m depressed. I can’t even count the amount of times where I’ve just laid in my bed with my eyes closed under my covers wide awake just hoping it would all end somehow without me having to do anything. I’m gonna go out tonight with a friend but we’re going to a frat I know I’m going to drink, but I don’t know how much yet. My mood will probably dictate how much I drink, and if my mood if the same as it is now then I’m predicting a forgotten night.

She’s trying to help you. If you aren’t willing to get the help you need and take her behavior and threatening there’s nothing she can do.

Zoloft + Alcohol = blackouts and forgetting nights. It’s very common.

zoloft + atarax + weed + alcohol = tonight
I don’t know what’s going to happen or what I’m going to do. I just want to live carelessly tonight.

Enjoy yourself

If you’re thinking about suicide you aren’t enjoying yourself.
I guess I fucking lose then. Cause I’m fucked up, but I still want to die so bad. Luckily my cousin was here this weekend so i didn’t do anything. But thinking about it now I kinda know that if I were by myself I would have probably ended it tonight. As bas as that sounds I don’t even feel like I would have any regrets about it. Every fucking day I wish I would just break down then feel better 2 0 minutes later. But I can’t fucking cry. From growing up in my family I learned that I have to hide my emotions unless under the influence. But lately I feel like my emotions are too fucking much for me to handle. I hate feeling that way and lately I just hate fucking feeling anything. I keep repeating this same song in my fucking head "I swear to god I wanna slit my wrist and end this bullshit, throw the magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit, then squeeze, until the bed’s completely red, glad I’m dead a worthless fucking buddaha head"

/thread

And don’t bitch that it costs money. Of couse it costs a lot of money, but if you save up over time it makes the trip that much more worth it. (just got back from my week vacation )

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