i don’t think this post is making much sense but i need to let it out, maybe get some advice from the asylum crew, but you guys have lives and are out living them instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself trying to finish stuff for work that you’ve been too worthless to finish over the past few weeks

i get into work and i just sit there and space out, read internet sites, bs with other people in the office, talk on aim or gmail, or fucking just walk around the office doing nothing. the worst part is my assignments are really interesting, stuff i used to enjoy a lot (ie why i took the job) but i just don’t want to do them, new topic

today i was talking to this girl im interested in that i really should not be interested in (this is the reason the whole "my life is a lie" thing came into my head) and she said something kind of cryptic, and i said same to you (it made sense in context) flippantly, but then i spent the next like 15 minutes thinking about what she said, and then kept on thinking about it for like the rest of the day, and im just like waht the fuck, this girl is IN my head, and i supposedly don’t care… "all girls are whores, just hit it and quit, etc… " but i was (still am?) (over)analyzing everything thats happened between me and this girl (oh for my own ego’s sake i should add at this point that we have hooked up before so i am not like omg, does she like me… except i kind of am like that, but, nevermind)

anyway brings me to my next point, ive decided i’m really egotistical and i think i may be living my whole life based on protecting that and i don’t know what to do about it. fuck. if you read all of that and were able to make any sense of it, well, kudos to you, your input is much appreciated.
been reading about this, i see myself in spades

sigh
I know a guy that comes thru town periodically to work & save up money. He buys a few necessities or equipment for projects then absconds to the woods or the desert.

Last he was in town he had just been living in a cave he carved out of rock for 3 months in the AZ desert.

Cut yourself off from the shitfest for a while & reassess your priorities … if you dare … haha

3 months of isolation? i have a feeling i would just come back to society even more in love with myself and even more of an attention whore

Internet and self diagnosis is annoying…
You sound a lot more like you have a low self esteem and would probably more like depressive issues than a personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder would explain why you advocate drunk driving. Get some help.

you sound like youre providing an equally annoying internet diagnosis based on much less information mine, do you have any advice for me or do you just want to be derisive? you could start by saying oh i don’t know, why you think those things

first, i don’t advocate drunk driving, for a lot of people its objectively a bad idea to drive drunk. i advocate reducing the harm associated with drunk driving by removing the draconian penalties for merely having a chemical in the bloodstream, and instead prosecuting people who actually harm others, drunk or sober. as well, read for a further explanation of my anti-DUI beliefs.

but why does narcissism explain why i "advocate" drunk driving? and what sort of "help" do you suggest i "get"?
Lack of empathy is a hallmark of narcissistic disorders, and sufferers find it extremely difficult to understand others’ (and their own) emotional states and impact. This makes maintaining close or intimate relationships significantly harder. They may find it difficult to perceive or admit this, or may interpret it as a virtue.[citation needed]
It is also worth noting that the individual expressions of grandiosity or arrogance vary with the person’s value system. A person will generally attempt to display superiority as they define it.[citation needed]
Overreacts to criticism, becoming angry or humiliated
Uses others to reach goals
Exaggerates own importance
Entertains unrealistic fantasies about achievements, power, beauty, intelligence or romance
Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
Seeks constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
Is easily jealous [11]
Has a sense of entitlement
Is exploitative of others
Lacks empathy
Displays arrogant and proud behavior
Displays haughty behavior

– Holy fuck that fits me word for word!!!
just an internet self-diagnosis, you need to consult a real professional like andrew_palmondon

I’ll rephrase :
My opinion is that you’re wrong. I would be more inclined to go with what I said.

Both our opinion suck though since auto-diagnosis is usually pretty poor when it comes to psychopathology (everyone always think that they have a personality disorder, and I’ve had psychopathology classes so I’ve seen it) and me because it’s a shitty internet diagnosis.

And you most probably know what you should do. If you see a problem with it (interpersonal problems, job issues, distress, unhappinness and so on), see a doctor or a psychologist for an appropriate diagnosis (I prefer the latter because they will take more time to evaluate and because they specialize in it). I’m thinking you just need to work on some stuff and, although it might be long with a psychologist, it will be worth it in the long run.

There’s nothing like attacking other people with sarcasm when you feel down…
i agree with andrew. sounds like you have depression / self esteem issues
You know mental illness is just an extreme version of things normal people have.

Usually.
There actually is a Tarot card called THE TOWER, which embodies Holding onto lies and lying to yourself that the lie is The truth.

Stop lying to yourself on who you really are in life. I could think im superman, while in reality i cannot shoot lasers out of my eyes, what good does it do to me lying that i can shoot lasers while i cannot?

Your just fooling yourself ,and holding up a mask for society in order to protect your own emotions.

The solution

Give yourself some slack space, and as many chances as you need in life. Don:t care about all the could have beens and should have been. Consider yourself as a rough diamond that you need to chisel into the shape you want it to be. You don:t want to be a fake diamond that shines in the eyes of others asif its precious but in reality is made of inferior materials.

You need to get real and get rid of all those fake thoughts. Just say fuck it and admit to reality. You like that girl, why not why give yourself incredible high standards or putting yourself in a state of fear of , what if she rejects me? its a win win situation, if you ask her out and she says no, then at least you can say to yourself i tried, if she says yes, then you:ve got a date.

Your making your own life unneccesary hard for yourself by not giving yourself space, say to yourself I am allowed to be happy, i am allowed to live. I need to work on myself in order to be alive.

That way you ll get a much more healthier outlook on life. Stop restricting yourself, just let it go.

It comes with one warning tho, you should be like a castle gate only opening yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let bad people or things into your life you could get seriously hurt and would need to rebuild your life from those ruins.

However that s not a reason to put your life on a halt , because if you never allow people or events to take place in your life , then you would be missing out a lot of experience, and you wouldnt get as much out of life as you could have had as to when you were more open. Keep trying, remember be open for persistance is the key to succes.

we live in different states, soon to be different countries, its not a matter of asking her out thats why i said should not be interested in

and… tarot cards, nice

im generally pretty good about not allowing bad people into my life though,

thanks, very bizarre advice but thanks
Everytime I read an internet diagnosis I see some element of myself. Which means I am an incredibly shy extrovert with extreme narcicism but also a martyr complex/over empathy to situation and events.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is take wiki medical definitions with a grain of salt. They are very open to interpretation and very vague. If you really think you have an issue then you need to speak with a professional, not do a google search. Not trying to be an arsehole about this, just something I have learned from personal experience.

The whole ego thing may or may not be valid, but everyone is egotistical to an extent. Just accept it and be mindful of it. I wouldn’t say it makes you a bad person or anything like that. Just one of those quirks.

Basically, just have a look at who you are, what you want to change and what you can’t change. Don’t run through the what ifs. No point dwelling on them, just move on and accept the new challenges.
i was thinking about this more today while walking around aimlessly and talking to myself (frequent pastime), and i realized that might in itsself be sort of weird, well anyway, anyone else have insight?
specifically, why do i "sound" like having low self esteem?

Yes, y odo sound like you have a low self-esteem. Just with this :

What I get from it is that you think that people who talk on a web board are better than you, while nothing led you to believe this and while you don’t know much about a lot of people here. Plus, you just plainly talk about your worthlessness…

What’s your point though ?

well, when i posted that my self-esteem was pretty damn low, to be sure. my point is that i believe the periodic bouts of low self esteem are the result of some other problem (like coping with the (at times enormous) discrepancy between how i think my life is or should be and how it in fact is). i in no way think that people who talk on a web board are better than me in general. my default when i encounter a new person is to assume they are far worse than me

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