Brief pointers

1) Its obviously OCD, the entire family knows it, she knows it.
2) She has had this all her life, shes never changed her ways
3) She knows what OCD is, but wont admit to her having it (severe case too btw)
4) We have all tried to help her and set her up with prof. help but she has never wanted to cooperate. She never has and never will, my mother is incredibly stubborn. She wont even admit to having OCD, she claims this is normal.

5) Shes also 58 yrs old, so she will not be changing at all, which is upsetting but we all know we have to live with it.

She is basically a clean freak – she is obsessed! She always thinks everything is dirty 24/7 and needs constant washing. I could go on about this, but ill give some examples and Im sure you can get an pretty good idea just how bad her OCD really is. Its gotten to the point where we just have to live with it, as hard as it is to see her waste so much of her free time…well nothing we can do. We can only do so much.

- she goes grocery shopping everyday of the week, even if its just to buy one thing. She will not buy food unless she plans on eating it that day (again it comes down to her obsession about freshness). Uhh mom, thats what fridges are for? She buys bananas, she buys ones way too new to even eat…so she buys the green ones, which of course you will have to wait a week just to eat them.

- everthing she buys from the grocery store she sticks in plastic bags because according to her its dirty Not only that, but she will go the extra effort and tie knots…so not only does she waste more time, but she wastes even more having to undo it when it gets home. Ive gotten to the point now where I know she will come home every single day with groceries, so half of the time now I dont bother helping her put it away. I know that may sound a bit cruel and Im not tryin to be. But im trying to get her to learn.

Just because she feels she has to waste time everyday going to the store just to buy one or two things, doesnt mean I should have to waste time everyday just to feed her habit. Am I being reasonable here? I dont mind her going to the store say a few times a week and I can help her with groceries, but every single day? Uhh I told ma already "Im sorry but I got better things to do with my time than to go to the store everyday"…even if its -40 out she still goes!!!! SHE IS CRAZY I TELL YA!!!! I used to help her with grocery shopping, but she insisted that I go more often and I told her I wasnt willing to. I mean whats the point! Just buy what you need for a few days in one trip! ARGH!!! So I stopped shopping for her altogether. If she wants to make a special trip every single day, then let her…its her problem. I want nothing more to do with this.

- she comes home from work everyday, first thing she does? Take a bath, get changed like a normal person? Nope. Eating something? Nope. Turn on the tv and watchin some tv? Nope. She goes right to the kitchen and cleans the sink for an hour. She does this again when she wakes up every morning. And she will do it again, after supper. Goes and cleans the sink for an hour.

- first off when she does this, she uses so much god damn dish soap, no wondering why she spends so much on soap and it takes so long to get it all down the drain. Ma, you dont have to use 20 pumps to wash a pot! It takes her 15mins to wash a single utensil, but yet half of the time she doesnt want to use the dishwasher Even if you use the utensil to open something and its not even dirty – its always dirty to her….so in the sink it goes

- So she washes the dish (15mins), then she will wash the sink after (another 15mins) and then wash the cloth (another 15mins) that she used to wash the dish and sink. Then she will wash the tap and outside ledges of the sink (another 15mins). Then she will wash the counter tops. (another 15mins). She does this at least 4 or 5 times a day…with each time taking at least an hour. . Basically everytime she washes a dish or bunch of them, she always goes through this habit of washing the sink and cloth and counter tops after.

I get so fed up watching her waste so much of her free time at the sink and hearing the water run non stop. I just ignore the fact that shes doing what shes doing and I always shut my door so I cant hear the water running. I know everytime we have company over, say people are tryin to watch tv…guess what we cant even hear it cause shes got the sink running at full blast She makes things so complicated when she doesnt need to.

Seriously, she might as well just keep the sink on 24/7…why even bother having a tap since she pretty much turns it on every 30 seconds when at home Nobody in the family knows why she does the things she does – like going grocery shopping every single day of the year…even if its just to buy one thing!!! Just get it the day before ma! Jesus, but she wont ever listen!!!

-
its just what she wants
EDIT: and JakobwithaK how are you?

Ya I know its what she wants, but it really annoys me when she gets on other peoples cases about not acting like how she does. Sorry, but I dont think anyone in this world is willing to go grocery shopping every single day, or spend an hour every time washing the kitchen sink.

Im alright and you?
not too bad my damn keyboard still wont work but the customer service is other than that waiting for this weekend to do some x-mas shopping for my gf (girl who is a friend )
EDIT: and i see what u mean now that would annoy me too
My dad is like this – except just the kitchen part. Ever since we renovated the kitchen he washes the sink and the countertops, but for about half an hour a day. Every day as well. It pisses me off to no end.

Best thing to do is move out.

I feel that one day when I do move out, I will probably avoid my parents like a plague. I know it’s mean but I just can’t stand them.
Take a shit in the sink?

At least she’ll have something to clean.

Sorry, that’s the best suggestion I have.

beginning to feel the same dads not too bad though
Get a DSM or an article about OCD and show her the list of symptoms so she can see an unbiased version of what OCD is. It’s "normal" to deny having a disorder and it’s "normal" to think that other people "don’t understand" so you best chance is to show her something which is not related and you can only hope that she’ll feel like she has it so that she decides to get help. There are meds for this if she doesn’t want therapy.

what do you mean your keyboard still wont work? lol

Ya well the first step to overcoming OCD is to admit you have it and she wont…we’ve all tried. So whatever we dont care anymore, we can only do so much. Well its a bit relieving to hear that there are others like her

For a dude to have this is extremely rare…very surprising too.

Did you try to put her with a list of the symptoms, and ask her to put a checkmark beside the symptoms which she has ?
My mom shops everyday too, nothing wrong with that. The running water would piss me off though, I like peace and quiet.
If you want to know true OCD, live with my room mate.

Every morning, his ritual is to do 15 push-ups with his right arm, and then 15 with the other. He then takes a chair, places his foot on it, and do push ups that way. He does this for about a good hour before getting ready for work.

When he comes home, the first thing he does is check that his food is in the fridge, that his things are on his desk, and that no one has taken anything. He believes that everyone has been eating all his food when he’s eaten it himself and that he just has a horrible memory because of his old age. I’ll take a picture of him when I get home, lmao.

He then walks around the house, looking confused, looking for stuff that either a) isn’t his, b) doesn’t exist, or c) he forgot what he’s looking for but still trying to look for it.

If he finds a pair of socks that isn’t his in the living room, he’ll walk around the house asking everyone if it’s theirs. He then does it again every thirty minutes until someone takes it from him.

He does dishes at 1 in the morning, and while things are in the dishwasher, he vacuums for about an hour.

When he comes home, he has to remove everything from the common room/living room. This means, if you have a book on the table, he’ll move it some where else. If you have a plate of food on the table, he’ll more then likely ask someone if it’s your food (like they know what you’re eating right? ) and if they don’t know who’s it is, he’ll throw it away and put the plate in the kitchen. If you have magazines on the shelf in the bathroom, and it’s for ‘bathroom reading’ then he’ll place it in your room. If you have mail, he’ll place it on the floor in your room instead of handing it to you or placing it on the desk in your room.

I remember about a week ago, I took some ibuprofen because my back was hurting and left the bottle on the table and forgot to place it back in my room. He took it and when I asked if he had seen it, he said that it was his. A few days later, still pretty annoyed and pissed about it, I asked him when he was going to give me my ibuprofen back. He looked at me and had this sort of … grin on his face and said that he found his other bottle and thought that it was his. Of course, me being me, and still fuming over such a thing, I told him to give it to me and when he gave it to me and didn’t apologize, I made a comment and… well… ¬_¬ … at the end I was being a total bitch but I don’t regret it. You just can’t take something from someone and claim that its yours. Not the first time he’s done this too, so of course I’d be annoyed.

He doesn’t talk much, so he’s pretty quiet, but when he talks, he doesn’t stop. A lot of the time, the only conversations you’ll ever have with him is when he asks, "Is this yours?"

If he’s missing butter, or cheese, he’ll ask if I took it. If say no, he’ll ask the SO about 30 minutes later and the SO will say no. He did this one time because apparently he was missing mozzarella cheese, and asked us both in general if we took it and my SO answered. In about 30 minutes, he came back to ask me and I looked at him and said, "No, we didn’t take your cheese. You came by and asked that already." His reply was because I didn’t answer it and only my SO did.

I told him that my SO and I eat together so if one of us did use it, we both would know. It’s ridiculous.

He moves everything so they’re even. Kinda like Monk… and he’ll place things just anywhere that’s not bothering him. Such as, he knows we use the dining table to do homework, reading, projects, writing and shit like that. At the end of the day, he’ll come by and move everything and look through everything and if it doesn’t seem important he’ll chuck it away. This means if you stayed up a while to do a project and leave it there whether it’s because the glue needs to dry or something, he’ll move it and break and won’t fess up or he’ll simply throw shit away.

He’s an OCD clean freak. We all think he’s on drugs that’s making him forget things although I don’t know of any drugs that will do that to you. He has a lot of energy until 3AM (when he usually goes to sleep) and then wakes up like two-three hours later.

OCD, obviously. Could be biological, most likely. Procedures do exist now to alleviate this symptom, but only in those who accept and consent.

Great cliff notes.

Severe, agreed. No there isn’t anything you can do except not be an accomplice to the process. You can do a professional intervention. You don’t have to take part is any activities associated.

The person with OCD can’t help their behavior. In-fact that’s part of the diagnostic criteria. Often individuals with this disorder try to suppress it, but fail to.

It’s acceptable to not help. However, you won’t get her to "learn" — she has OCD, which is primarily a biological condition if you believe the majority of scientists studying the condition. A physiological problem of the brain, not a chosen behavior. However, even if it’s psychological in nature, that too can’t be controlled without extensive Cognitive Behavioral therapy, and or medication. Even then, the patient isn’t fully able to control it.

No you certainly don’t have to take part. You can take part in helping a few times a week (or as you chose arbitraryily). You can set boundaries even though she has an illness, and you can tell her what you’re willing to do and not do.

That’s fine. However, I think you need to approach this from a different point of view. Calling her crazy isn’t going to solve the problem, but neither is trying to "get her to learn" — she has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

The point is she has to behave that way.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a most commonly characterized by a subject’s obsessive, , and related compulsions (tasks or "") which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

There is a reason the sink itself was the chosen focus, in most probability an issue with food and food born illness or germs, including but not limited to food, dishware, food utensils and other items related to food.

Perhaps in the past somewhere, her mother or someone else had a related obsession or some type of abuse ocurred in which a relationship was formed with the food. The dynamics are not well understood in psychiatry or psychology from what I understand.

The focus (The sink) is not as important as the behavior itself.

She does. She doesn’t want to, rather she has to. Her ability to cope depends on the ritual.

Washing by hand is her ritual, the dishwasher is putting power in a machine, thus removing control. Without control of the ritual there is not relief. The relief may take hours, but it comes. It is the only way they’ve found that works.

It is very important you educate yourself on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, in order to alleviate your feelings of frustration. Understanding the condition will help you to see your mother in a different light. Rather than a monster behaving insanely, you’ll see her as a victim of an illness, and that may help you as well as her. Most people with OCD know they’re ill, but refuse treatment because they have no support, no "true" support. They feel that others think they’re crazy, and thus treat them like what they do or say doesn’t matter.

That’s the key word. That is why you struggle so much. See, the reality is, she "does" have to behave that way. From her point of view, she can’t exist without intense anxiety, perhaps even crippling to the point of a nervous break-down. She has no choice, else she would choose differently. See, even if you see other options, she doesn’t, therefore when you point out other options, they are vapor. They aren’t real for her.

The person who has a choice to change isn’t her. It’s you.

She listens, she just can’t stop. And the family will know once you read this article:

I recommend you and or others from the family consult and obessive compulsive treatment specialist, probably a psychiatrist. Find one who is primarily invested only in that disease. They will help arrange interventions, also the organizations for OCD can be of value. You’ll find most of this information on the link I gave you. Read up, and you’ll be able to help her. You have to understand by imagining what it would be like trapped in a mind that forces you to behave in that manor. Imagine how distressing that would be.
i’m just lol’d thinking of some poor woman frantically cleaning the sink all day

but that is relaly bad ocd. she needs help.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahah

Someone who comes into contact with cleaning chemicals/soaps all day will eventually develop some form of dermatitis which isn’t good. And that matters.

She’s severely OCD. I could open up my DSM right now and probably check every single symptom for it with her. She needs help really bad man.

send her over to my place, it could use a good cleaning
tie her up on a chair?

get yr family to do this, its like quitting smoking, but sink cleaning
I work in a grocery store and can tell you from years of experience that shopping every single day is VERY common for a lot of people. Shopping twice a day is even common for many people. Not sure about the cleaning stuff :. I have OCD and wash my hands several times an hour. I don’t think this will change until you messy kids move out and leave her stuff alone. Put her on vacation and take her out to eat, break her habits.
It won’t change if the messy kids move out, it will only find another way in.

She has to make a willing choice to confront it. And the people around her need to respect how difficult that is.

Sorry about the situation, Jakob. It’s a tough thing to deal with.

Its getting worse, the sink is pretty much on every second when shes home. She literally spends all her time at the sink when home, aside from sleeping.

This thread title has changed from 3hrs to every single min when home.

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When I am able to pull it off, not go out to lunch during the week, i completely fuck it up over the weekend. I take friends out to dinner and spend morei n one night then i did in three weeks in college! I cant’ stop!

So to push myself I am moving two miles from work. I’m going to leave my wallet at home. I’m going to cut all of my CC’s in half. I’m going to walk to work. I’m going to force myself to suffer. I’m just scared for the weekend. I get that itch and there’s nothing there to distract me. I could go shopping, i could go out, i could go buy food, clothes, watch a movie. But i can’t stay home. I can’t read a book. I can’t sit still.

I just need some advice. I don’t know how long i’ll last. I get paid on the 15th, and with that cash in my account, I won’t even remember this thread.

could you look into locking your checking account or something (basically, do something to make it hard for you to get out your money), and set up to have your bills deducted automatically from it each month?

You should probably consider moving back in with parents or a friend for now until you can get a handle on all this. I have a feeling that this has probably already negatively affected your credit history, which will impact everything else.

Another thing you might want to do is consult a doctor. Some of this sounds a little like ADD…it might be worth looking into.

I think I might need medication as well. My credit is fine. It’s hurting a little right now becuase my balances are high. It’s kind of what pinches me every month. I’m going to just cut all of my cards including my checking card and withdraw cash from the bank from now on. Maybe weekly and if i run out, i run out. It will force me to save and hopefully grow accustom to living a less wreckless lifestyle.
i’m gonna make this an ongoing thread. I’m moving on the 14th.
Don’t cut your cards….throw them in a tupperware dish, run water over them, and put it in your freezer. You would have to wait a very long time for them to defrost before you could use them and by then, the urge to spend should have passed. Get yourself one small credit card (say $300 limit) and use that as your day-to-day card (meaning gas, oil changes, small meals) and freeze the rest of your cards…even the check card. make yourself go inside the bank if you need cash that bad.

Also get checked for any ADD/OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)

you are a motherfucking genious. i love you forever for this thread.

i’m moving on monday. It’s also payday. where i am forcing my savings to begin. I WILL do it
You should try mod edit: no advocature of drug usage please . Then you’ll want to sit at home and enjoy your house.

I want you to read your post.

Do you see yourself addressing the issue or masking it?

Personally, you will not improve with medication, for it is a cyclic thought proccess driving you to do this.

There are books that can help you with this. Break out a load of cash and buy as many of those books as you can. Just kidding.

Seriously, get some books relating to that subject. Obsessive spending books are out there.

You are focusing on how you want to feel today, and it is making you feel misrible for tommorow, amirite?

So focus on tommorow, so you can be happy tommorow, then the next tommorow, ect.

Sorry dude, I can’t afford to go out to lunch today I am broke. (Bring own lunch)

Minimize addictions and spending. Replace with cheep or free activities to fill in the gaps, for the win.

The only problem with this is when you realize that the microwave is right there and it does a great job at defrosting and thawing….beware . I’ve tried this trick before and the microwave was just laughing at me the whole time.

I do this! The best thing I could ever do for myself. I get the urge to go out and so on. Mine have been sitting in the freezer since november!
ING account + automatic withdraw to savings + having someone else change the password for you = forced money management

this is also a fantastic idea.

I got paid today.

I’m kind of nervous.

I thought I was going to be paid on Monday.

I find it kind of funny how I am afraid of it. Every time i get paid i’m like when i see my account. How do i spend all of this? Jesus.

Time to crack down.

thanks. I actually like reading self help books. I’ll go sit in a B&N and read them instead of purchasing them. It will be something "free" to do.
I’m doing good so far. Staying within my $10 a day. Last weekend I only purchased a fridge (which i think is excuseable. I mean, i gotta eat.) and went out to dinner once. Today I have tomorrow’s money in my pocket. I plan on spending around $6-7 for lunch so i can get a double shot @ starbizzle as well.
Learn how to cook exotic foods. Not only will you spend less then going out, but you’re learning an awesome skill that will impress people and will take up time to do. This will keep you busy, and after a while you’ll laugh at your friends that pay $15 for a shitty meal at Fridays and you can cook enough for your lunch the next day as well. Plus it’ll put your new fridge to good use.
I personally don’t agree with medication.

Learning to cook is a great way to get yourself away from those kinds of urges.

I think you really need to work yourself off of starbucks. It’s a bad habit and you really don’t need it. I guess that’s easy for me since I don’t need caffeine in my body, but if you need doubleshots, then i guess one a day isn’t bad.

What I usually do for lunch when I work is a bring a bagel with some cream cheese with me. It’s nice and cheap and it’s fast. Lunch should not be a big thing. I know it’s a social thing, but even find yourself getting just water and something to snack on. Eat a nice healthy breakfast so that you won’t be so hungry for lunch. It will save you a lot of money >.<

when you have days when you have extra money, dont look at it like extra to spend another day, look at it like its gone anyways. I put my leftover 1′s and 5′s into my change jar with the rest of my change. Just helps with the money management stuff.
as far as bigger purchases go. I do my homework online. then I check it out in a store if possible. then.. I sleep on it .. at least a night. most of the time its more like 2-3.
ex: A wall mount for my monitor. 150 bones for the one i like. Ive been sleeping on it for a couple days now. Just not really sure that I "need" it right now. want the money to go towards some vacation time with my girlie instead.

I was only suggested that he go see a doc and get tested for ADD/ADHD…not that he just start taking medication all willy nilly.
Jesus christ. I’m right back to where i started. I went to mammoth for the weekend.

Bad idea. I’m broke until the 1st. how sad is that. that’s a freaking week. wow. go me. I just purchased groceries. So it looks like spending nothing until then.

I am jack’s dissapointment.

I did fine for the first month. Then i brought out the debit card instead of using cash. It didn’t work. I went on a vacation & went crazy. I hate these stupid fucking cycles. I need a self punishment or something. This is crazy!
I think learning to cook is a good idea. Also LEAVE the debit and credit card at home if you have to…
Start investing your money. That is how I overcame my spending habits. It really is an addiction when you have the money right there. Investing my money gives me the same satisfaction + it’s the best thing you can do with your money. Learning to cook helps a lot too. Once you can cook a good meal, you wont want to eat out anymore.
IMO your financial woes have more to do with emotional issues then they have to do with money. Suze Orman is a pro at detailing the links between our emotions and our financial woes. People think, ahh that just horse shit…if I had more money I wouldn’t have these problems. However, there are many people used to feel this same way and their problems only worsened.

Sure, if you have zero income and don’t live with your parents, then ya, you need more money. HOwever, your problems don’t sound like that sort…they sound like you could actually manage to live off what you make but your spending is out of control. If that is true, you’ll have to get ahold of your financial problems or they will get ahold of you.

First thing, stop beating yourself up for making poor choices. Everyone fucks up from time to time. The point is, when you fuck up, don’t compound the mistake by continuing to spend. Realize you fucked up again and forgive yourself…then start again.

Next, you must develop a plan. Cutting up your CC’s and punishing yourself may work for a time but just like anyone that’s ever been repeatedly punished by their parents, you will rebel. In fact, I think you already have to some extent. Suze Orman and others are great at providing very practical advice on turning around your finances.

Next, the WORK you must do to change your financial picture is not nearly as fun as blowing loads of cash and living like a pimp. So, it’s important that in your plan you have some money set aside to blow. As you learn to create a budget and live with it, you learn that you can actually budget wild and crazy expenses…but you’ll also know that you can afford it. Right now you can’t.

Debt Free and Prosperous Living is a tape program (buy from ebay or Amazon) that really helped me. Also Consumer Credit Counseling Service (check your local phone book) is an organization that offers free financial advice to people struggling to live on what they make. They can help you make a budget and provide support while you work your way out of these problems. Also…as was previously suggested, Barnes and Noble have great books as well as your public library.

ONe truly awesome book is called The Richest Man in Babylon. You should be able to find it anywhere but it’s only $7 from amazon. It’s a very easy to read book but it’s got incrediblly powerful ideas inside it.

Stay away from get rich quick schemes and fast cash schemes. You need solid financial advice from people that have been there/done that. There are many free resources available to you…whether you choose to use them or not will be the difference between letting life happen to you or you taking control of your life.

It’s not easy, it’s damn sure not sexy but I can assure you, it’s worth all the effort.

Good Luck and God Bless.

I like the advice but buying books is counter-intuitive to what he wants to do.

go to the library! If you’re not illiterate (which we know you’re not..) find some books that interest you.. finance, science. history etc and read… tape your feet to the bed and read all weekend.

Library books are free if you turn them back in on time.

Seriously.. I’m horrible with money.. I actually use Paypal to help manage my finances… How? Easy.. the money is there if I need it, but the key word is need. Do I need to think about spending it when I can’t access it? Yes. but the fact it takes 3-4 days to get at makes it a lot easier to 2nd guess what I am doing.

FYI I found a ‘budget per day’ is a bad idea, but a budget for the week is more reasonable. It allows you to go out on friday night and be cheap Sunday/Mon.. when the money’s gone I just suck it up and live off the change in my car.
you need a hobby dude.

Computer games and a love for movies have allowed me to live as cheaply as possible through college so far ( but actually most of all it’s OT )… you’re past that stage yet a hobby could work the same for you. You don’t ahve to be a penny pincher and you can still go out and do things you want to do.. but you have to be comfortable with what you’ve got and be able to enjoy it, otherwise what’s the point of having anything?

I mentioned library books and barnes and nobel is free….just don’t buy the book.

However, The Richest Man in Babylon is cheep and it’s such a good book that anyone having financial difficulties should make it a part of their permanent library. It’s worth every penny….and one can prolly find it even cheeper at used bookstores.

One of the things that really helped me start turning my financial world around was when I sold something I didn’t "need" and used that money to buy something that I believed would help me…..Anthony Robins tape program called "Personal Power". I literally couldn’t afford it but I saw it as an important program and something that could help me….if only I worked at it. It was the start of my turn around….and it was by no means a magic bullet. It was however a start.
Well this weekend is winding down and I have a few things on the "to do" list, and some changes that will be beneficial. I’m going to spend two weekends a month at my dad’s house. I have a baby brother & Sister that turn 2 in June. I figure if i’m at home, i never spend $ & hanging with the twins is fun. ( I feel a little old for saying that, but what can you do?)

I get paid on Wed. So I am going to buy that babalon book & start back up. I think my failure this time was going to Mammoth. When I go on trips I tend to forget how much I can, and cannoth spend. I had the right idea when i went to Vegas in December, when i left everything at home and only brought a little cash and my ID.

I also know i fucked up with my last "budget" I allowed myself $50 a week but didn’t allot for the weekend. $10 a day is perfect for Mon-Friday. I ususally spend less then $10 & put the change in a jar for added savings/emergency fund type stuff. So this time arround I’ll give the two weekends i’m not at my dad’s a $50 budget. I figure that’s more then enough. I could do quite a bit on that. That’s a budget that’s $300 a month… not bad. I’ll give it a go. I hope that spending bug doesn’t hit me this time arround. I just need to take it easy! BAH!

thanks for the advice. I am beating myself up when i just need to grow up and realize what i’m doing. I’m throwing myself a pity party when i should just find my flaws and DESTROY THEM.

Hope everyone’s weekend is going well.

edit:

thanks! Same to you!

I consider books a good investment too.

Some are worth buying, but the library is always free and older books are virtually always in stock, especally in the larger counties in the US.

Came here to post this. You wont want to leave your house. At least not until you take out Onyxia. Oh crap, it’s 2AM already? Bedtime.
You may want to see if there are any local self-help groups for shopping addiction.
If push comes to shove, you might have to move to a crappy small farm town with nothing around for miles. Then there won’t be anywhere for you to spend money at.
haha. I’m enjoying the warcraft crew. I was a big CS kid. If i go to a game it might be that one. But that goes back into purchasing crap that i might not want to. I’ll look into it though. I do try and keep myself @ places like alluc & peekvid.

I got paid today. Amazingly i said "no" to going out to lunch and went home and made lunch. (I live that close to work.) It’s amazing how hard it is for me to do that. I’m hoping i can just do that from here on out, maybe just going out a few days a week and that’s it. This weekend’s my birthday, which sucks. I know i’ll end up screwing myself over or something. I have plans on friday night & saturday -day & saturday-night.

Friday might be expensive. I’m thinking of bringing $50 in cash and my ID. Maybe even $40. Saturday won’t be too bad. During the day it’s the fam, so home cooked food. Sat night is w/ a girl…soo… we’ll see about that. I’m die hard against dutch.

For past reference what i’m doing on friday i normally spend arround $120… and saturday would be at a minimum of $80. So i’ve got high hopes for the weekend. I’m kinda fucking nervous about it. Hopefully i can pull of being cheaper.

I would also like to note that i crindged to the word cheaper when i typed it. What a fuckin’ problem i have.
Read my OCD about money thread. We must be opposites.
Well i’m doing good. I only spent around $50 this weekend.

To update my last post… on my birthday, my friends paid for my dinner, and leaving the restraunt i hurt a ligament in my knee, and i was also sick, so i just stayed at home and popped IB Profin & drank water.

Happily I have healed from both the sickness, the knee still hurts, and it’s most likely going to take another month for it to fully recover. But that’s another story.

This week I have purshed food for lunch. I don’t like going home to cook, so i’m bringing stuff in. I’m going to buy a rice cooker. I need more carbs in my diet….also another story. People at work told me they sell rice cookers at "Ranch 99" for under twenty bucks! So maybe for lunch tomorrow i’ll hunt it down. My hope is to not spend any cash this week, with the exception of the rice cooker, if i get it.

Okay peace and love! w000.
A way to slowly save money, and more realistically if you’re burning it up on the weekends despite your attempts on the weekdays..

Open up a savings account from another bank..if you have Wamu, then open up bofa, or Wells Fargo or Citibank..

The check card you get, shred it up. Every month or so when you have this feeling again of "i need to save" just transfer a good sum of money from your primary into this "reserve account" and because it is deposit only you wont need your check card. Have no checks, nothing, dont even write down your pin #. The only way to get everything is go through a long ass process with your ssn# but by that time you say "screw this."

Thats a very basic way to start saving money and not spending it like theres no tomorrow.

Then once that nestegg becomes big enough, go invest it and let it grow (let it become non-liquid so you can’t take it out and burn it as quickly).
whats an ING account?

soooooo true
Well i’d like to thank everyone first off. Between last month and this month, i’ll have over $1000 in savings. I was hoping for more but I can’t be too mad at myself.

I can’t relly decifer where i turned arround. I did open another checking/savings account with citi-bank. The check card to access that account is 50 miles from me right now, and honestly, i don’t feel like i’m ever going to go pick it up.

My first goal of savings is hitting $16k in a savings account. This is equal to how much i actually need to live for 6 months. After that I guess I can save up for big-fun stuff like a new car or another motorcycle .

The itch to buy stuff is fucking crazy though. And when I save, it just adds up. I can probably write like fifteen fucking things that cost $100-250 that I want right fucking now. But alas I’m not buying them.

Anyway, all is well at the home front. I’ll let you know when I hit bigger numbers

OH I also forgot to say, i turn 25 in March next year. I started a extra savings for that. I’m going to get a suite & shit in vegas for a weekend, and for some reason, i LOVE puting money in that savings spot.

Love&Peace
stuff. keep going.

Did you end up reading "the richest man in babylon"?

That is awesome to hear man. Keep up the great work! It’s always awesome to see someone turning their life around for the better.

Good luck man!
Update:

i’m -80 on checking. got sick of it all and cut my credit cards up. I’ve been smiling ever since. I also turned 25 and feel like a retard for not being mature about my future.

I’ve also never done this before, it’s way easy and it’ll prob. help me out more then anything else I’ve done:

I calculated all my "costs" for the next month and took them out of my paycheck (that i get tonight/tomorrow) I’m going to put half in another savings account and take out a little cash a week. I had some unforeseen costs lately so I’m back to where i started I’m doing my taxes this weekend, so whatever i get back I’m also putting in savings for a "emergency fun."

I feel like this is a better start then before. I know how much i have per week, how much i would like to spend per day and can hopefully have a base to have savings.

I hope everyone has a great st. P. weekend.

I think you’ve got a pretty good plan, except for this part.
**I couldnt tell if you actually meant "emergency FUN" or "emergency FUND" – the part below only applies if you meant FUN.**

Take your tax return, deposit it in your other savings account and then FORGET ABOUT IT. Think about it this way: Ideally, you’d have enough to cover that "emergency fun" anyway, without the tax return, right? Its not like your tax return is the same every year, reliable like a paycheck, etc, so I dont think you (or anyone) should count on it for anything. If you need it, great, but dont PLAN on it for anything. Does that make sense?

**If you meant FUND, well, good idea**
When I got engaged I told my wife to be that I had one condition.
That she completely controlled the finances. I said I wanted her in charge of everything. I would come to her for money and stuff I wanted to buy and it would be her job to say Yay! or Nay! to it.

She is really good with finances. She had a savings account of $9 grand when we met. She has great credit. Worries about making bills. Knows when she can spend and cannot.
She said of course.

I went to work, went to HR and had my paycheck auto-deposited to her account.

I haven’t looked back since.

Don’t give up….Don’t ever give up…..NEVER QUIT TRYING!!

I’m glad to hear that you cut up your credit cards and you’re trying again. It’s ok that you are right back where you started….stay the course…..you’re learning and growing and eventually, you’ll overcome this but only if you keep working at it.

You might also try to expand your knowledge of personal finance. In previous posts I’ve mentioned books and people that have been an invaluable help to me in my journey to grow up.

Oh and just so you know, I was a total mess financially until I started working full time at age 27. Yes, I lived paycheck to paycheck for many years after this because it takes time to turn the financial ship around.

So be patient and educate yourself. Go to the library and check out books on personal finance. Get the tapes, watch the videos and TV shows on personal finance. Learn what successful people do and then copy them.

Generating wealth is easy if you know the steps to take. However, it can be a real bitch to learn those steps and how to apply them. So keep trying and don’t ever quit and you will find the financial independence that so many crave.

Good luck.
so an update… i diced up my three cards. I’m getting way more then i expected from taxes. So 2 of 3 will be paid off and i’ll slowly pay the 3rd one off. I’ll have $ left over after the first two are even paid off as well which will go into that savings account that won’t get touched.

quite excited to say the least.
Sounds to me like you need to address your inner emptiness instead of constantly buying shit.

YAY!! Good for you

not shit

food.

thnx yo

tax return came in. I’m nervous. I need to go home and pay my card off stat! Before…. the urges come.

Dooo eeet. If you can pay them electronically, do that. If not, write the checks and put them in the mailbox asap.

If you’re having trouble paying them, the likely cause is because you don’t associate the purchase with the payment. Credit cards are goofy like this….that’s why most people get in trouble with CCs because it’s soo easy to think I have X dollars in the bank so I can easily afford this item…I’ll just charge it.
I feel like I am going broke because I eat out for lunch every day I work, but, I don’t grocery shop anymore, so I think it evens out, if not put me more ahead. When I grocery shop, I spend, maybe 100 bucks a week. When I eat out for lunch, I spend maybe 5 or 6 bucks, times 5 is only 25 or 30 bucks a week. When I am home all day, I obviously eat more, so in turn, need more food. So, eating out for lunch is fine as long as you do it responsibly. Subway has 5 dollar foot longs, and they fill me up and I’m 6′ 250lbs. If you go to Olive Garden every day for lunch, thats another story.
subway $5 for a foot long? not where I live and I’m in the middle of the country also. I think you’re lying.

yea. advertising for this shit is errwerrr

but the line’s out the door.

i’ll be eating free food today at work (as we have tons of shit-food here) but i’m going on a date tonight….

We split the first date and I felt terrible doing it. How weird is that?

True story. I keep groceries to a min. of about $50 a week or so. Lunch for me I try and keep under $10. if i go over i don’t eat out the next day (IE i spent $15 yesterday, so technically i only have $5 for today…. so i choose to eat my work food has a cost of $0.00 )

Yup, because I have so much to gain by lying about Subway foot long sandwiches……

Its going on here too. I’m not a big fan of subway, but for 5 bucks I’ve been considering it lately.

Well of course there is a lot to gain by lying about it. Do you honestly think that people that get into financial difficulties are being HONEST with themselves? Fuck no they aren’t.

honestly valuing the things we buy is a HUGE issue when people are trying to straighten out their finances. People distort and lie about the true value of things all the time.

So a $6.50 sammich starts costing about $5. The extra $1.50? Well….it’s not that much. Now this seems like a silly example but it’s not. I’ve seen very similar arguments when people are dealing with much larger sums.

And sure…it looks like they’re running a special but the point I’m making is still valid. So specifically what is to be gained by lying? Well one gets to continue their lifestyle blaming other factors and never addressing the fact that they have the power to change things.
won $100 at work.

that covers my lunch & mah date tonite. w00t.

Or…. the sandwich is actually 5 fucking dollars

date went well. I didn’t ball out, but i did go over my supposed budget by like $60. i need to recall the dread of being broke now, I think this is what’s hard to capture. I have no expenses… and money in the bank, so i have this overwhelming urge to go do something or spend. it’s ridiculous.

So I think this week i’ll try and stay out of the lunch outings as much as possible, which will even out my spending on the weekend. We’ll see. I forgot to mail out a few checks..but i should be able to square off everything today.

How did you go over your budget? As in, did you order something more expensive? Decide to do something different than planned? What happend?

I think the who "even out the spending on the week" additude is a bad one to have…you spend, then justify it by planning on holding back in the future, but when you actually get to the future (ie, a coworker asks you to go out to lunch with them this week) you dont go through with your plan and say no, because, well, you can just cut out something else down the line…vicious cycle…

And mail the damn checks!!!

Is that seriously a good deal? 1) a footlong is a lot of food for one meal, and 2) the normal price for most footlongs is only a buck or two more.

checks in the mail.

as for the spending over the weekend, I just need to budget how much "fun" is. I don’t know what to set that at. I guess I’ll have to work that out.

As for co-worker lunch, I don’t need that. that’s a want. Turning off want’s is what I am currently working on.

As for an update, I’ve started to feel the change. I think learning to carry over the "fear" of broke-ness when I have money is key. As for last weekend, the more I look at it, the more it feels fine. I want to focus on having fun at things I can do that aren’t that much. It’s all about changing my mindset. If I were to take the day off from work, how am I to enjoy it without spending. I have SO much nearby that I’m ignoring. Baby steps, baby.

As for this week, I feel like I’m going over but I’m rly not. I’m fine and still within my budget. I just have fear for weekends and what they can cause me to do. Learning to stay home…is difficult.
1. Develop a fear of being broke.

2. Nourish this fear to the point that simply thinking about spending money sends you into a panic.

3. Profit.

its a promotion they are running

You might want to consider paying your bills by phone with a check – some places might charge you, but most don’t, and the money is whisked out of your account faster than a blink. No waiting for mail or a person depositing the check.

You will come to love watching your savings grow, and then you can spend it on things that will benefit you, like a home, or savings for retirement instead of "stuff."
I’m someone that became accustomed to eating out every day, buying my morning cappuccino and various small stuff, but it does add up. Looking at my online bank statements became torture when I added up the numbers of unnecessary purchases.

To combat it, I make myself a lunch every night before I go to bed with enough food to cover my lunch, snack and what I’m going to eat as I’m rushing out the door. If you have the use of a microwave at work, you can bring a larger variety of items. Having a locker or place at work where you can store items is really helpful. You can stock up on things like tea or store a spill proof container for the day instead of buying drinks constantly.

I know we all need our early morning coffee rush and star bucks is convenient, but if you have a coffee maker with a timer on it, you can set it to brew before you wake up and make a cup as you head out the door in your spill proof container.

The best part about taking a lunch is that you eat a lot healthier, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Getting started seemed to be the hardest. I didn’t have a proper lunch bag, tupperware like containers to store food and lunch friendly groceries. But once i got going and developed a routine it all started falling together.

The social aspect of going out with your friends for lunch is always a problem, but you could simply let them know you brought a lunch but are willing to take it with you and eat with them in whatever food court area you end up in. If your not strong enough for even that or are embarrassed at being the only one not buying anything, then kindly decline but try and find time to socialize later.

Take it a step at a time. Don’t shop out of boredom, to relieve stress or feel better about yourself. Plan out exactly what you need before you go shopping and buy only what you need. A bargain is only a bargain if you actually need the item. DON’T USE YOUR CREDIT CARDS! They should only be used for emergencies or if you can’t pay any other way. I’m a huge fan on online banking. I pay all my bills there, as well as have a separate bank account with higher interest specifically for savings. (transfers are free) It makes it seem like you have less money on that main account you use for bill paying and interac transactions so you become more aware of spending when the balance seems low.

Lol at wow subscription. It’s true.
Well I get paid on Friday and I still have money in the bank. Crazy I say. I’ve come to realize that I just can’t make the money accessible. Cutting my cards was the best thing for me to do. I only have one left to pay off which is awesome.

I feel my wants adding up though. I’ll be bored at work and end up ordering a woot or WM item that I think is a total steal, but can live without. I have moderately more then I have in the past; where I’d order like 5 things a week. Now it’s like once a month, and hopefully less in the future.

My lunch outings have gone down super-significantly due to me being fat and starting to diet. If I’m able to stay on my diet, I’m able to keep a lot more in the bank. This goes beyond eating at lunch, this is outings at midnight when i have a craving for a burger or a steak.

Now I’ve been looking into monthly bills that I pay. I think i should move, because my rent is astronomical, and I was also thinking of switching phone companies. I pay $86 a month, only use 250 daytime minutes and at most $300 weekend minutes, and 500ish text messages. I’m overpaying, but with t-mobile, it can only be lowered $20 a month for their lowest plan.

I know sprint has that employee plan they talk about on here that’s like $30 a month, but I think sprint sucks last I had it (in 2001)… Plus there’s the initial costs that are always annoying. I’d have to buy a new phone… I’d most likely have to pay 2 bills in one month. It wouldn’t be fun. We’ll see.

But it’s been a good run since I started this. I have lasted up to 8 days without spending a single $. I don’t think I’ll be able to pass that due to my motorcycle being out of commission right now and my car’s MPG sucking.

Thanks for the advice and the fellow thoughts on going through this from the rest of you. I’m glad I’m not alone.

Also, i totally watched that movie Maxxed Out. totally Awe inspiring.

Oh, and we’re probably going to cancel our TV cable soon and switch to streaming TV from the Internetz
i think i read nearly every post of this thread. i think it would be more effective to discover the exact nature of the source of the spending urges, than to try this or that solution to recover from the spending (or alternates to the spending).
this is what i did to help save some money.

Put all my money into the savings account so it earns interest. Then have ur check card not be ablet o access the Savings.

setup an automatic transfer to put $10 into ur checking every day that way u have money incase u need it but its not alot either.

that way you budget your day around that much $. When you need groceries/gas/etc Go to a bank take out the money you need. Then keep the change as extra $ to spend. you’ll save alot and make a little money too

Also track your expenses, I’m starting to do this and I plan on just paying everything i need putting a certain amount into term deposit and keeping the rest as floating cash with that method.

I bring lunch to work but usually eat it before lunch is there. So i eat out too, I spend about $10/day at work for food. So an hour of work goes to food and 9 hours goes towards income.

It’s hard but just limit yourself.

Microsoft Money 2007 ftw! ive been using it since 2005, and it really puts your spending into prospective with all the graphs charts and reports it can put out.
Everyone has their vices. Gambling and physical addictions are no problem for me, but like you I have a spending addiction.

I have my savings and investments, and then whatever I make from work or side jobs I keep in a checking account that I see as free money. It’s only got about $2k in it right now and I keep looking at places like slickdeals for what I want to buy.

I think it would help you if you put most of your money into investments. Either stocks or a CD. Something that takes more effort for you to withdraw from. And just keep a little bit in a debit account.
The topic doesn’t really make sense to me though. It sounds more like an ADD thread. But maybe you do have ADD and if so, reckless addictive behavior is one of the symptoms.
i saw something like this in a movie once and all you have to do is…Stop it !

i don’t believe in add

but you’re probably right.

I can’t just stop, as i’ve tried SO many times. I am slowing down considerably, and catching myself sooner lately.

but you’re very right.

the hard to get to CD is a brilliant Idea. thanks.
I’m opening a CD tonight.

I’m going to do an ING 6 month. I’m a little nervous. Anything I should know? It doesn’t look like I need a minimum balance for it.
I AM THE EXACT SAME WAY.. lunch, omg I cannot pass it up! lol i just stare at what I don’t have in the house to eat or at work and go out to lunch. if i’m bored, i call a friend and say hey wanna go to lunch? i spend so much money on stuff that doesn’t get me anywhere, or that i have nothing to show for how much money i get. i’m only 18 and make $11.20 an hour, whereas everyone around here makes about $7. I make really good money for my age, plus time and a half on sundays. I make more money in one 12-hour workweek than some of my friends working like 30+ a week for 2 weeks worth of pay. I have all this money, but it drains within a couple days of getting the money. I get paid every week. I thought it was some girly disease of always shopping, but I’m glad I read this thread. I hope it helps. I’ll give an update of how I’m doing in 2 weeks! Lol this shall be interesting

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Thanks.

edit – I want to keep this thread primarily about medication but if you did any hippie/new age/holistic/homeopath treatments, feel free to list those, too.
Haven’t ever tried anything. I’ve always just dealt with mine by myself

However, I can already tell that movng in with my bf will change a LOT of things for me, and I’m already starting to stress out about it. He’s a generally clean person but I have everythng in a spot and routine….I know he’s going to fuck it all up for me basically so I might be seeing a therapist soon to ask about possible solutions. I don’t want to have a panc attack because he doesn’t fold the towels in the precise way I do or put them in the right spot.

I’m going to start treatment for my ocd and possible take meds aswell but i will start out without without medication. Have you tried cbt? (cognitive behavioural therapy).It’s the best treatment for ocd, sometimes however you need medications aswell if the ocd is causing great distress, anxiety and depression or if the ocd is very severe.

When it comes to medication it’s different for everyone, just like it is with most medications and pills. We are all very different in many ways.
What type of medication you get will be determined on if you take any other meds, your medical history etc.
In most cases medication will only stop the symptoms of ocd or lower the symptoms during the time that you take the meds, unfortunately the symptoms usually come back when you stopped taking the meds. That’s why cbt or a combination of the 2 is usually the best.

Maybe not much help or what you were looking for. Why not ask this question to a professional or at a forum for ocd sufferers?
I’m on Prozac right now, weaning myself off. Before I took it, well, I don’t think things could get much more miserable. Now, I’m perfectly able to live normally. I only went up to 40mg. Basically no side effects.

Then again, I guess I won’t know if it was the medication. My fears/compulsions started getting better within a week, which is way too short for the medication to start to kick in. Many of my improvements were linked to specific events.

I’d recommend reading up about CBT, as someone else said.

lol this move in thing is really getting to you aint it.

my ocd blew up when I moved back home my mom reorganized my room like 5 times and I reorganize it back its the battle of the ocd

Just preparing for the unknown, you know?

But yeah, I’m a little terrified because honestly when he moves things in my place now I silently freak out. When we went on our 7-day cruise we were fine, but on the 6th night we had the funniest argument because he keep putting his used clothes on the counter and I’d fold them and put them on his suitcase and he’d put it back on the counter thinking it was hilarious He said "you’ve got to work on this," which only only make me more stressed.

We can barely take showers together because I have such a routine in the shower it gets messed up with him in there
^ I have a total shower routine. I think I do exactly the same thing in exactly the same order every time I take a shower.

Of course I modify it if my gf is in the shower with me. But it’s still a variation of the "shower routine."

That’s the OCD trait of "sameness," right? I’m a horrible with that.
a "routine" is not OCD. everyone wants to label themselves it seems like.

shower routines are not "OCD." What intrusive OBSESSION are you trying to "stop or neutralize" by following your "routine?"

OCD people feel wrong, or bad, or feelings of dread if they don’t follow certain rituals or routines. If you have to follow the same shower routine because your terrified that your mom will fall and kill herself, then yeah, its OCD. If you follow the shower routine because it helps stop intrusive thoughts, yeah, its OCD. If you just found a routine that works, is quick, and you do the same thing in the shower every day, its not OCD.

There is clinical OCD, the ones people need help for, and then theres societies "OCD" that people throw around like its a fun, quirky characteristic.

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