Back in January, my Husband and I decided to separate. He’s in the Navy, so he basically moved to the boat and rarely came to the house. This was years coming, so it wasn’t a huge emotional deal at the time.

At the end of March/beginning of April, I started seeing a guy I worked with. I know, I know, don’t fish in the company pond Shortly after we started dating he changed jobs and left the company, so it the working together thing wasn’t such an issue after that.

Fast forward to the last month. We’ve (the BF & I) been at odds for a while. He plays "Invisible" man quite a lot (for reasons I don’t agree with). There’s a lot of backstory, that I just don’t want to get into right now. I told him weeks ago that I was done, I’d had it, that I didn’t need this crap and that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I admit, I’d said it to him before but every time prior, I let him "wiggle" his way back in.

I had told him last week that I was done and that I didn’t want to see him anymore. Today, he emailed me on my personal account, then turned around and emailed me on my WORK email (which he has never done since he left the company) and then CALLED me at work all in a span of 30 minutes, all just to ask me if I’d have lunch with him. I told him no and that he can’t bother me while I’m working. At lunch time, I left through the front door, there are multiple doors with which you can exit, but only two through which you can enter. I could have easily chosen an exit door closer to my car, but had decided to exit out the front and through the parking lot because it was the closest door to outside. As I exit the building, I find him sitting in his car, waiting for me!

Me being me and being nice, I went over and asked him what he was doing here. He said he really needed to see me and to talk to me. I told him I wasn’t interested and that I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. We chit chatted for a bit, he tried to get me to go with him, but I told him no. He asked if he could come by my place tonight and I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea. I just know he’s going to try and come by tonight…

My friend thinks that if he comes by tonight after already being told not to, that I should get a restraining order against him. I’m not sure this really warrents that, but 2 emails and a phone call in 30 minutes, than an hour and a half later showing up at your workplace after being told not to, is a little…intense.

Not really sure what to do about the situation at this point…
while there is no doubt its creepy, i dont know if he really means you any harm. if he has done something in the past to physically hurt you, then that is a different story

if you are worried, keep your doors locked, and dont answer if he comes over. he is probably just desperate to see you/talk to you right now so he is being a little crazy. if you dont want him in your life at all anymore, tell him that and stick to it. dont let him wiggle back in. he will get the point and hopefully go away

legally, not sure you can get a restraining order for what little he has done. but to be sure, just call your local police department and ask.
Its an extreme measure, calling the police for a single incident should be enough. But as others asked, has he ever been violent against you before, or extreme expressions, threats?
Have you considered actually talking to him about it?
Yes, he’s bothering you and mildly ‘harrassing’ you, but its not like he’s threatened you physically or anything like that, so I vote no. Unless he’s shown violent tendencies toward you in the past and you feel in danger, I’d just wait for a bit. Continute to and politely and firmly explaining that you want absolutely no contact with him right now – no more ‘chit chat’ either – you cant say "no stay away from me" and then go and have a casual conversation with someone….

We’ve never had a physical argument ever. He’s never laid a hand on me in anger, so no.

I tried earlier last month. I asked him what he would do if I refused to talk to him, refused to see him, let him in the house if he stopped by, stopped answering his calls and emails. His reply? "Then you’d have Stalker #1" (the numbers thing is a joke between us).

When I said Chit Chat, I didn’t mean "Hey, how’s the weather? How’s work". When I went over and asked him why he was there when I already told him I didn’t want to have lunch with him he said "I needed to see you and I thought maybe I could convince you that, since I’m here, we should have lunch". He asked me about a couple of coworkers who were coming out of the building. Then I told him he needed to leave, that I wasn’t going to have lunch with him and that I had to go. That was it. Apparently he stayed long enough to talk to another coworker which created some awkwardness later in the office. They came up and asked me why he was there if I wasn’t going to go have lunch with him. Yeah…explaining that one was FUN

Since you’ve done this so many times before why would he take you seriously this time? There is no need for a restraining order right now because you brought this all on yourself by playing games with him. If you really do want him out of your life this time and are going to stick to it, then you need to show him you are serious. Don’t talk to him at all, if he comes to your work then ignore him, etc. He’ll eventually get the message that you are really serious this time. A restraining order isn’t needed unless he starts threatening you or doing something more than just trying to talk to you. Right now he just assumes you are playing the same game as before and will go right back to talking to him soon.

Good point. I guess who whole emailing and calling within a half hour and then showing up a little over an hour later kinda freaked me out, since he’s not usually like that. I wasn’t the one who said I should get one, a friend suggested it. But the fact that I can’t stick to the whole "I don’t want to even talk to you" thing isn’t helping. Gotta stick to my guns. I guess the real problem is that I don’t really want to not see him anymore, but I know that the relationship isn’t good for me. *thud* – the sound of me hitting my head against the wall over and over again.

Thanks guys.
ya, cops love calls like this.

nevar again talk to your friend that suggested this

I wouldn’t go that far…

I would, she made a ridiculous suggestion for no reason. Just wait till you cut your finger and she suggests an amputation.

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This has also made me freak out a little bit because the other day someone pointed out to me that "you always clear your throat before you speak." That’s technically a vocal tic. I’m a corporate trainer and spend a large part of my day at work speaking in front of groups of people. I feel like I need to have a clear voice and if I don’t clear it first, my voice sounds phlegmy.

So my research has lead me to believe that there are no medications specifically designed to deal with tics, but some antipsychotics seem to work occasionally, altho they have horrible side effects.

If you have tics, what were they, how bad were they, and what kind of treatment have you tried, and how did it work?

I usually only do the OCD stuff if I am feeling anxious.

I’ll count my steps and get irritated if I don’t end up on my right foot on the 11th step.

Sometimes I’ll click my teeth from the left side to the right side back and forth until I hit the number 11, and again, get irritated if the 11th click isn’t on my right side.

If I am in a room and there is some random white or bright colored object in the middle of the floor or out in the open, I get anxious and must pick it up.

The most common one I do is pick out an object and bisect it in my vision with the "see-through" line that my nose makes up when I look left or right.

Therapy for Depression/Anxiety has really calmed these down. Basically, just becoming overall more calm and less anxious is the best way I was able to stop doing these so much.

If I am nervous about something or worrying, I still slip up and do these. When I do, I become conscious of it, calm down, and move on.
My father has full blown TS and took medication for it while in the Navy. It suppressed his tics, but caused him to become sluggish. This was 10+ years ago, so I have no idea what the current meds for treating TS are. Anyways, he’s still affected by it and not medicated. When he’s calm, you can barely notice his tics. Whenever he’s stressed or anxious, they become x10 worse.

I have a few friends with tics too. They control it by, well, forcefully not doing them. Seems like the obvious and asinine answer, but it’s really the only thing they’ve done to fix it.

What were his tics?
everytime an embarassing moment pops up in my head i blurt out a random word or noise, most likely it would be a curse, that usually helps me get that thought out of my head.
I had them when I was younger. I still have a little habit of performing them here and there when I’m stressed. I also have OCD.

The tics I had were I would strain my eyes all the time. And I mean open my eyes super wide (the the point of bug-eyed) as if they hurt. As I write this I’m doing it because it reminds me. I also had a bad neck tic. When I got stressed and nervous I’d turn my neck really hard. I did it so much that I had really horrible neck pain and problems and started going to a chiropractor. I also find myself clearing my throat when there’s nothing wrong with the feeling. Just clearing it out. All happen when nervous and stressed.

I think I took medicine but I don’t really remember because I couldn’t have taken it long, my problems weren’t severe enough. Eventually once I caught myself doing it I would just have to try and stop them myself and then gradually over time it just ended It takes a lot of willpower.

just about anything you can think of. He makes a lot of grunts, snorts, and has some random things he’ll say. He twitches his neck, adjusts his body when sitting, blinks constantly, and wrinkles his nose as nonverbal cues.
I have TS, but my doc didn’t think that I should be medicated for it. I’ve had numerous tics. Some were:

blinking my eyes
shrugging my shoulders

neck, nose, hands, arm, almost anything.

right now the worst is biting my teeth together. my only vocal tic is saying stuff that may be too harsh or offensive. reading OT has made that worse

Damnit, I think you just added to my arsenal.

Ugh. I’m not kidding. Since I posted in this thread earlier I’ve been straining my eyes, hurting my neck and clearing my throat
I have Tourettes Syndrome too. Mild.

Use to blink my eyes hard.
Shake my head
twitch my face.

Yes the common strain the back of the neck.

Now its like its like trying to clear my nose or throat like a little blowing action.

I use to suffer anxiety and depression before I knew I had tourretes. I just thought I couldnt control these bad "habits"

At what age did these tics start? Did they stop on their own?

I think they started around 4-5, as young as I can remember. They didn’t so much stop as they did simply change to something else. When I’m not relaxed, there’s a constant need for some kind of satisfaction. Like if I were shooting baskets and I made a swish, I’d want to make another 10 in a row because it felt so good to do it.
I’ve always had nervous tics. When I was a little girl, I would blink my eyes really hard or really fast, depending on the situation. I used to blow on my fingertips too.

They change every so often, though the blinking has stuck around. Now, I grind my teeth or clench my jaw or pick at my fingernails or lip. (Soo fucking gross, I know)

No idea how to treat them, I just try to be cognizant of my actions so I don’t look like a complete moron. Difficult, however, since 90% of the time, I don’t realize I’m doing it.
I hate tourette Syndrome. My dad has it. Sometimes Im fine and other times its like shit man. So uncomfortable!

Do you do those things to try and relieve some sort of physical discomfort? Like does it bring you relief to do so? Or does it just kind of "happen."
I do it to relieve emotional discomfort. Most of the time its subconscious and I don’t realize I’m doing it until someone points it out or I feel it. Like if I start getting a headache because I’ve been clenching my jaw repeatedly for 2 hours or I bust my lip open cause I’ve been picking at it for a bit. The blinking I never notice unless someone asks me if I have something in my eye or I catch my reflection.

I suppose on some level I must think it brings me relief- though I’m not sure its very effective. Severe or prolonged stress makes my tics worse. No stress, no tics- but that doesn’t happen very often. Like this weekend, for example- I got my car broken into and my computer and a few bags stolen on Friday. I’ve been fidgeting around like crazy since then and I think even my SO is getting sick of it. After 5 years of togetherness, very little gets to him- so I must look like a damn mess!
I have a thing where my neck will feel uncomfortable until I turn it in either direction and get that joint cracking noise, like a knuckle. Sometimes when I’m frustrated I’ll do it over and over again, and get even more frustrated when it doesn’t make that cathartic crack
At a store in the mall one time, I remember they had this fire extinguisher on the wall. And the trigger had a plastic tie through it to keep it from being handy. Well, there were also these little spikes that ran upward on the tie and I just had this incredible urge to have to take my fingers, put it on the bottom to where the tie connected to the trigger, and feel my fingers up, feeling the spikes gently depress underneath. I fought and fought the urge but then I did it. Once wasn’t enough though, so I took a walk around the clothes and when I got back to the extinguisher, I ran my fingers up the tie again. This happened like 10 times before a store employee told me that I wasn’t allowed to touch that thing.
Every time I see one of those fire alarm wall switches I have to surpress the urge to pull it.

for the record…that’s not TS

It sounds like OCD, but that is an anxiety disorder. TS is a neurological disorder. There’s a difference when it comes to why you’re doing something.

I’m the same way…it just goes from one thing to another. Right now its this twitching/twisting of my left shoulder mainly. Fucking irritates me.
I had a tic in high school that lasted about a month. I got severely depressed when it started, I thought it was going to be permanent, like the right side of my face would scrunch up and kind of kick my head to the side. There was no controlling it or stopping it, such an awful feeling. But it only lasted a month, weird.

My body calms down a lot when Im in front of a computer. But that creates another problem

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well if its like that, might as well do whatever you feel like and then have him contact you when his service is over to see where you two stand
that’s the general plan. :/ can’t help being scared for him.
You don’t want to be in love with someone who is so reckless with his life. He’s in love with the army, not with you.Because If he cared about you he would stick with you , and wouldn’t let you worry so much, he just does whatever he wants. I wouldn’t join the army regardless. I wouldn’t attach myself to a guy like him , its better to seek someone who can provide you with a decent and safe future.
well, we’re twenty. :/ The Big Future isn’t really on either of our minds. like i said, he’s joining to pay for school and for the experience/opportunities, but being reckless with his life is a fair point. unfortunately you can’t choose when and if you fall in love, you just have to deal with it when it happens.
I wouldn’t consider him reckless at all. It sounds like he is getting some direction in his life.

Not only is he wanting to serve his country, he is also wanting to go to college. Any attempt to stop him would simply be selfish on your part.

There is nothing wrong if you don’t want to stick around while he does it, but it’s his decision and it’s a much bigger decision than a girl he fools around with.

Oh, and tell him to quit being a whiny bitch by worrying about going to Iraq. It’s the military, not girl scouts.

Other than that, thumbs up all the way on him wanting to serve. Joining the Marines was the best decision I’ve ever made.

gee…way to screw the guy over for trying to do something with his life.

i completely agree with you here. although me joining the marines was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back with my last serious relationship, it was good to see how her true colors when i got back from training.

he’s joining the navy. sure, war is war, but unless he’s out to be a green corpsman or a SEAL, i dont see many scenarios where his life is going to be seriously threatened.

its a pity that many of the guys who join the military to serve their country, get some discipline in their life, or just want to be part of a bigger cause gets screwed by the mentality the US has had since the gulf war, when a lot of women, looking back on the vietnam war, pretty much deemed men on deployment as "guaranteed to die, so let me go look for the next one to come."

on a side note, he’s going to be in the reserves. until he goes out on deployment, life is pretty much going to be the same as before since he’s going to be a civilian 28 days out of the month.

this guy pretty much hit the nail right on the head.

You should be happy for him, It’s not like he’s leaving you for another woman. He’s doing something with his life.
Yep, take everything Socrates said into account. egxflash is right too, the reserves is almost like being a civilian when you’re not drilling or deployed. I’ve personally never met a Sailor deployed to Iraq/Kuwait for more than 6 months, but it might happen. There’s a chance he might not ever be deployed. There’s a lot of variables in the mix. In any case, don’t let your support flip flop. Nothing will tear a guy apart more than losing their SO during a deployment.
You’re too young, the relationship sounds like it will end regardless of him going to the Navy.

This is a blessing, end it and move on.
So…you’re off and on again with this guy…so not really in a stable relationship with him.

You live in different states…so you’re not close to him geographically.

And you’re pissed that he made a choice about what to do with his life?

Explain to me where you have ANY real claim to feel this upset about this?

You two are pretty much just casually dating if you happen to be near each other.

Move the fuck on with your life, find someone to be with consistently, instead of on and off again.
Holy ignorance of the Military, Batman.

The very first question out of anyones mouth should have been what is his MOS? That will have a HUGE impact on if he will get activated (mostly Eng, Log, MOS get activated recently) as an individual. Second he is in the Navy Reserves and doesn’t have a duty station yet, so your all jumping the gun way too quickly. He could be attached to an MSC group in Washington state and nothing will happen except his normal 2 days, 2 weeks.

Other than him going to Boot this should put almost no strain on your relationship that isn’t already there. If he is already antsy and wants to get away, then this is just an excuse. Let the relationship run it course, the USNR should have no effect on your relationship unless he gets activated (though he has to go through a hell of a lot of training before being deployed).

If she is this controlling now, the relationship likely won’t last anyhow. I didn’t even bother to explain the probability of him getting deployed

WTF? This has gotta be the worst advice I’ve ever seen you give. He’s a 20 year old kid, it would be stupid of him to give up on doing what he wants for a relationship that isn’t going to work anyway. They’ve been "on and off" and aren’t even together now so there is no reason he should care at all about what she thinks. And joining the military to pay for college is hardly a reckless thing to do. Sounds pretty smart to me actually.
Whoa, okay. Some points:

I’m not trapping him into anything as far as forcing him to consider this a long term relationship, 20 to 24 is a long time and those are some huge years to sign away. We’ve merely both awknowledged that at this point in time, we mean the most to each other out of the people currently in our lives.

I’m not pissed at him in any way, I think it’s amazing that he’s finding direction in his life and has found something he’s really interested in doing. I think this will be an amazing experience for him and have no wish to hold him back.

Thanks to those of you with more millitary knowledge then I have for explaining more clearly what exactly to expect.

To clarify! I didn’t mean that joining the military to pay for college was a reckless choice, just that he has been reckless with his choices in the past.

Also, I never asked him to consider my opinion on the matter. It’s his life, obviously, and even if I wanted a say in the matter all I’d want to do would be support him.

Gotcha.
do him a favor.. dont put any shit in his head if he does get deployed. make the letters or emails or phone calls pleasant talk about happy things.

most importantly don’t tell him about the other dudes you are fucking even if they are totally awesome, he doesnt care or want to hear about it.

dont bring up petty shit with him either, make it your mission to keep him as happy with you as possible, if he gets deployed he’ll need it.

that’s my plan. don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing. even if he’s not deployed, being away from the situation with no control in the matter, i’d seriously doubt he’d want to hear about it. likewise with him.

Getting yourself killed in the militairy is hardly a good investment for your future, is it really what he wants? He’s just gambling if you ask me, his assumptions that he won’t be deployed are absolutely based on nothing.

He could have made other choices that would gave better results and wouldn’t put himself at such high risk, and wouldn’t make his gf so worried.

Think about it, his gf is worried sick about him because she loves him, even if they were on and off, she’d be heartbroken to hear he got killed, if he had any consideration for her feelings, but that’s why everyone saying he’s reckless and fooling himself. People who are reckless don’t belong in the militairy to begin with, they’re the first who get killed in combat because of their impropriate decision making.

Next to that there are better ways to pay for your college, a regular side job could do the trick just as fine without having to kill or getting yourself killed. I therefore don’t think he made a smart decision towards his situation, nor towards his loved ones.

Wow, give it a rest. Big deal, you’re anti-military. I’m sure you’re the most intelligent, destined for success person of all of us, right? Since when does joining the military mean insta-death. It’s doesn’t, get over that concept and pull your head out of your ass. The military is an incredible opportunity for people looking for direction. It gives them discipline, respect, honor, and self-pride. Furthermore, depending on the MOS, they get a great deal of technical training that could be very useful on the civilian side.

Seriously though, quit talking shit when you’re clearly so uninformed.

Wow, you are pretty uninformed when it comes to the military man. You should do some research on the number of Combat troops we have and the number of support staff that it take to put those troops out there and keep them out there. Not to mention this guy is joining the Navy and unless his specific MOS is required, he probably won’t deployed to Iraq or Afg.

On top of that we have a VERY professional military, you don’t throw "reckless" people in to combat because they get others killed too. I’m not sure where you got this perception of the military from, but it is WAY off base. You seriously need to do more research before spouting this stuff, it is unbelievably ignorant.

DE, I generally agree with a lot of your posts, however I’m in disbelief after this one.

If it wasn’t for ‘those people’, you wouldn’t have a country to live in.

Let the man make his choices and live life, this is a decision I wish I made when I was 18. The army can be very, VERY beneficial for both future jobs and future financial sources.

Just because he joins the military doesn’t mean he’s getting deployed. You should say thank you, not, don’t go.

Darketernal, I typically think you give some of the best advice on this forum and I always look forwards to reading your posts. However, in this thread, I can’t believe the quality of the answers you’re giving. Even the most left-winged liberal would be laughed out of the room saying the same stuff.

The U.S. military consists of nearly 3,000,000 people. How many have died in Iraq? About 4,000. I can’t possibly understand how you would consider that dangerous. He is talking about joining the Navy; not the infantry in the Marines or Army.

Without those people who you think made the stupid decision of joining the military, you wouldn’t be enjoying the life you’re living right now. Perhaps you should give a little more credit to the men and women who died for your freedom.

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Anyway, nobody has to reply. I just wanted to get that off my chest. My dad thinks I’m still a little girl and wants to make decisions for me. I may be 19 yrs old, which I know is still pretty young, but ever since I was 15 I told my dad I was moving out when I turned 18. He has to start letting go. I love my family, but I got my own decisions to make, and my own life to live.
Awh, KA .

I think you made the right decision. You’ve obviously tried time and time again to talk to em’ and explain the situation with no avail.. You made a decision for yourself and you stuck with it, there’s no harm in that.

I’m glad on the other hand to know things with you and Kirby are better and better by the day. Parents will always be parents, you’ll never be able to change them. It’s unfortunate that your pops is seeing things the way he does, but as time goes around I’m sure he’ll begin to realize and respect the decisions you make.

Don’t neglect mom and dad though, no matter how "rough" things may be. Call them, stop by, say hi.. Unless he shows that "you’re-not-wanted-round-here", it’s the least you can do to keep a relationship with them.

Friends come and go, family is always there.

That I definitely will do. I’m very close with my mom. I’ve told her everything all along and although you can tell it hurts her a bit (I’m her only daughter and now she’s only got 2 boys in the house) she understands what I’m doing. When I just decided to move out on Tues. I sat down with her and talked with her almost the whole time I was there (my bf played on the Wii and PS2 with my bros). I explained everything to her and what I wanted to do. And she was completely there for me. I love my family and that’s not going to change. I just spoke to her now about what happened to my dad. And both my mom and I agreed. I’m just going to act like nothing’s wrong. Just let him cool off and accept it. He’ll come around eventually
I think you did the right thing by moving out I had some issues with my parents when I was younger and we didn’t get along very well and at one point they said I needed to "change" or get out. I moved out a couple weeks later and I’ve never regretted it. We get along fine now too. Sometimes it’s easier to get along with family if you don’t have to see them every single day.
Sometimes it’s really hard for parents to let go and allow/help their kids to grow up. His rudeness might be his way of dealing with painful emotions….yes men have emotions also.

I think you’re making the right decision also but don’t be surprised if he does an about face and becomes the nicest guy in the world. Then offers to let you move back home….after apologizing of course. Once you’re out, stay out unless you simply can’t make it on your own.

It’s never easy to leave home but IMO It’s much harder to leave the longer you stay. It’s also difficult to leave again when you’ve been out and had to go back.

Anyways, good luck and it’s good to hear you aren’t just writing them off. When you get to be my age, you’ll look back and wish your parents were younger.
Maybe he just wants something better for you then cleaning a restaurant late at night at 19 years old?

there is so much wisdom here

Yeah. Exactly.
Moving out is a good step. I did at 18, and would have whether it was to live with my now-fiance (& his parents), or to go back to NJ. It was quite hard dealing with my mom all the time, getting angry over stupid stuff and always having a problem with what I did or said. Now that I’m not there anymore (and haven’t lived there for the last 2½ years), we get along much better. (Although, now I want to get the hell away from the future MIL instead…)

I only do that on the weekends? They don’t really care about that, it’s just the fact that I won’t be home on weekend nights.
My actually job is at an office Monday-Friday 9-5…they like my job just fine.

My bf and I are planning on getting married in the near future. We will be going to my parents house today to give them the news that we are planning on getting married. So, now we’re a bit nervous, waiting for my parents to get home and see what my dad’s reaction is. This is actually one of the reasons my bf (well fiancee actually) and I want to move in together. Will update tonight

I never wanted her to work with me, she offered to come along on weekends, she’s stubborn.
Besides, she’s marrying me asap, I’m not gonna have her move in just because we’re buddies. I know better than that.

okay, have fun being married at 19 years old.

Have fun being a worthless piece of shit you fucking troll.

Do you have a problem with me being married at 19?

Congrats My wedding is in a little less than 2 months

My mom has been iffy about me getting married – because she’s unhappy [I attribute that to her marrying someone 17 years older than her, saying "no" for 7 years to his proposals and finally giving in as if she were settling, and how she knew he'd cheated while dating and whatnot also]. She’s kinda jealous I’m so happy, and therefore doesn’t ask about the wedding or anything. My dad is ecstatic. From what I gather though, yours won’t be! Good luck when you tell them

Why are you guys in such a hurry to get married?

I’m not a troll. I just don’t agree with the path you’re going down. I’m not a communist dictator, do whatever you please… err do as you are.
yeah I think you’re growing up too fast but your parents put you in that position. Just be careful and think things through as you go through this transition
Hah, I know you’ll hate me….but what he’s worried about is pretty valid. You’re 19 years old, in his mind you are his little girl still. You also live under his roof so he technically has a right to know where you are, what you’re doing and actually care about it.

That being said, all I came in her to say was that you need to move out-and you did, so yay! However, the fact that you are moving in with your boyfriend and his parents is extremely troublesome to me. I know you might say that it is a short term thing, and at first his parents might be very sweet and open….but do NOT stay there long.

You need act like an adult in this situation and think and act for yourself, not just settle on living at their house because it is nice that your boyfriend is there. You say you and you boyfriend are actually plannijng on getting married? Well here’s the reality check, if you are grown up enough to think you should get engaged now then you have to be grown up enough to get both of your shit together and afford a place on your own.

PS- I’ve always really liked you and thought you had a good head on your shoulders, so I’m writing this because it’s the first time I’ve been surprised by you and I feel the need to put my thougths out there from someone a little older and wiser. Like a big sister.

thanks
Update: We went to go speak with my parents (my dad actually). My fiancee asked for my hand in marriage. We all spoke at the table (my mom, dad, uncle, me and him). We let my dad talk and say all he needed to say. Long story short, he doesn’t think it’s cool that we’re getting married so young. But, he said the final decision is ours and he gave us his blessing. I guess everything pretty much went A LOT better than what we expected. So, I guess this is it. We have plans and now it’s time to move forward. Thanks everyone for the support .

Congrats! You never answered my question so I’m going to ask it again because I’m curious….now what? You guys are engaged, are you really planning on living at his parents house? What are your plans to move out, etc?

Thank you, we’re very happy with our decision .

I’m so sorry. We are currently livign in his parents house. He’ll be working in his parents company for the time being. We are waiting for the Christmas season to be over so that we can gather some money and move out. My fiancee’s already been looking into some apartments so that we can choose something that’s right for both of us. His dad wants him to work in the company for another 2 years (while going to college of course) so that we can have some money to be able to live (he’ll be making about $400 a wk with his dad and I’ll be making my own money as well with my job). So, we’re just taking it one step at a time, each day at a time.
Also, next week we will be getting our marriage lisence and planning a small ceremony. We want a big wedding in another 4 or 5 years when we’re both done with college and have enough money to do the ceremony in a church and invite all our family/friends together.

whats it to you when they get married? quit being judgemental and let the chick follow the path she wants

Ok good, at least you’ve started planning a little bit. Question though, if you don’t plan on being wed for another 4-5 years…why the rush to get enagged?

We are getting married now, we just plan on a civil marriage right now. We’re wating a few years to have the whole church wedding thing for our families. We don’t have the money nor the time right now for that.

Because it’s a public forum and if people post something that I agree or disagree with I’m going to comment on it. Why even join a discussion board partizan if you only want to see one view point? You’re right though about one thing, it’s really nothing to me they are making a mistake. I think it’s comical that they are jumping into marriage at 18 and 19 years old with hardly any money to rub together, no living experience on their own before they move in together, not even done with college, and two mediocre jobs. I mean, marriage is only a word… but I just think it’s funny.

Edit: Do either of you know how to file a tax return? Or know what expenses you guys that will be tax deductible? Since you’ll be married, you’re going to lose health insurance if you were covered by your parents because now you’re independent of them…. and if you don’t have any insurance I’d suggest you get health insurance now you’re out on your own. Your parents can’t claim you on their taxes anymore….. I could go on and on but I won’t waste my time.

This is just a bad idea. What advantages are you going to get by getting married this early in life? You’re 19, there’s a huge likelihood of you 2 getting divorced. Marriage before the age of 24 is statistically just destined to fail. Most marriages are strong for the first 5-10 years, but start falling apart when you get to the 15-20 year range. If you’re ok with that then go for it, but just realize there’s a greater chance that you will be divorced by 40 than there is that you’re still going to be married at 40.

I have filed a tax return. Did last year. I have a pretty good idea on what expenses are tax deductible. I haven’t been covered with my parents on health insurance for about a year now, because my mom has no idea what she’s doing with the health insurance. I spoke to my aunt to help me get insurance on my own, but I rather wait a bit so that my fiancee and I can get it together. And my mom hasn’t claimed me on her taxes for 2 years now. She says she can’t because I’m of age. And she doesn’t see me as dependent anyway because I’m never there. I buy my own food, clothes, and as of recent I don’t live there obviously.

I know statistically it’s a bad idea. I’ve been aware of that. And even my dad reminded me of that. My he also told me statistics are just that and even though there is a huge possibility that we won’t make it because society says so, there is that small statistic that does make it. My own father told me that it’s possible that we can make because he’s seen people that have married young and they’re going 20+ years as strong as they’ve ever been.
I’m aware of the statistcis and what I’m doing.

I’m actually glad now that so many of you have given your opinion, because it helps me see different sides of the decision my fiancess and I have made. But, it’s still a decision we’ve made together. And we’re still happy with it. Thank you guys, at least you care .
I’m glad to hear your dad didn’t make a huge deal out of it.

I’m "marrying young" too. I turn 21 twelve days after the wedding. My fiance will be 22. I too see statistics as just statistics. My grandma got married at 21 and was married 60 years (grandpa died recently ). My fiance’s parents knew one another a MONTH before they got married (and his dad was only 21 & in the Navy, his mom was 24). They’ve been happy for 23 years now.

As long as you don’t go into it picturing an impending divorce, and you are sure it is what you want, I don’t think it should matter Plus, it’s your life and ya gotta do what YOU want to do. Congrats on the engagement and the upcoming wedding! (Now I have to resume addressing the invitations to ours in February).

That’s great to hear, congrats to you to. And I agree, you’re not supposed to get married looking towards "I might get divorced soon , that’s what statistics tell me!", you get married thinking hey this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And because I love my fiancee and I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life then I dont have any worries.
Just found out these two got married and are already divorcing

At least their youth factor will benefit them now as single people.

what the hell, i read this thread all the way through, than saw your post and looked at the dates and got the face.

that’s sad that they are divorcing, any idea why?

I know I shouldnt but
I liked her two…she seemed to have a grest head on her shoulders other than the fact that at 19 they were rushing a marriage and then living in his parents house

Hopefully they both move on in a healthy way and learn to never rush a marriage again.

marriage young is ok, but you gotta be self-sufficient, otherwise, how could you respect eachother?
I’m 23. Between when I was 18 and 22 around 20 people I went to school with got married or engaged.

Of these only 3 have survived to this point in time.

People get fixated on the idea of a romantic church wedding and only look at that day. Not at that wider picture.

I was reading the thread and was gonna post this will end in a divorce and you need to live with someone before marrying them.

Same here.
Wow, I was a bit confused….I missed all the dates in the beginning.

Sad to hear about the divorce….however….that usually happens when you marry at a young age statically speaking.

read a few threads up
dammit a lot of wasted time typig a good response only to get pwnt by the necro post

sorry to thear them splitting up but… what did they expect? they were too young for what they wanted to do.

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