I’ll be 22 next month, and she just turned 18 in September.

She’s an awesome girl, don’t get me wrong. But I’m a little frustrated.
I work 40+ hours a week, attend college full time & studying for certifications on the side. As well as trying to spend as much time with my 8 month old nephew. (I’m his only aunt, my brother-in-law is an only child.)
Now my girlfriend works ~20ish hours a week, getting her G.E.D., & that’s it.

She complains I don’t talk to her enough. Although she spends 4-6 nights out of the week with me, as well as talk through IM/Text constantly throughout the day.

When I tell her I have things to do, or I want some time alone, (Since the only "day off" I have is Sunday, I have class at 9am on Saturday’s) she gets all huffy with me.

It just doesn’t seem like anything I do is good enough. I’m busting my ass in school/work/etc. and she gets to sit at home most of the day. Also, she doesn’t drive and live about ~25 minutes from me. So I do all the driving, and pay for the majority of things because she only works a few hours at a Dunkin Donuts. She then has the audacity to complain that she is tired & wonders why I’m "so tired all the time."

Example, I told her I’d try to talk to her tonight (in depth conversation about our relationship) & this is the response I get.

What do I do?

there is an ENORMOUS maturity difference between age 18 and age 22. it’s really not her fault, she just can’t understand the type of responsibilities that people have and the fact that spending time apart DOESN’T mean that you don’t like her anymore or anything. try explaining that to her if you can… but good luck lol
yay for lesbians, but yeah, 18 year old girls are shitsville, you cant really expect much more.

Tried to explain but she doesn’t get it.

& yes 22 and 18 is a huge gap, considering we’re both women.

I’m not sure what to do anymore.
She won’t understand what its like until she’s juggling adult responsibilities like you are. It sucks, but maybe the two of you aren’t in the best places for a compatible relationship right now. It’s not like you can magically minimize the load you’re under to satisfy her.

Age is playing a huge part in this, you seem much more motivated in life then she is, also you seem just very busy, maybe find somebody that is less needy?

Sure you do, you know that you need to end it. You obviously aren’t happy with her so why do you continue to stay with her? You didn’t have a single reason in your post about why you would want to keep this going, the only good thing you even said about her is that she’s an awesome girl. You’ll meet plenty of other awesome girls in your life and you’ll find one who is a lot more mature and who would make a good girlfriend.

I’m a million times more motivated & extremely busy. I can never find girls who are like me.

Anywho, I fell asleep around 6pm. She called me 10, yes 10 times. She knew I was sleeping yet she wanted to talk to me. Luckily my phone was on vibrate so I wasn’t woken up.
So I called her when I got up; and we talked a little. Now she knows I have this certification exam, (for anyone who has taken a Microsoft exam knows how time consuming they can be & expensive @ $125 a pop.) so she asks "I know you’re going to say no…but…" and I responded "Just ask me…" She wanted to hang out. I was like , are you kidding me?
I told her I needed to study more tomorrow, and that I had told her repeatly that Friday night I would not see her. (Mind you today is the first day I haven’t seen her since last Wednesday.) She then, began to get all huffy and upset, and said "Why didn’t you study TONIGHT?"
(I study everyday, mind you.)

Gah.
Tell her you need space until you’re finished with your exam? It will give you time to focus on that, and her time to develop a little bit outside of your relationship.

She called me 10 times while I saw sleeping.

Gah, I’ve tried to break up with her, but she always sucks me back in.

don’t let her

direct the motivation that you have in all other aspects of your life towards this situation. if you want to break up with her, then do it. sure it might be hard (and you might have to change your phone number ) but it will be worth it in the long run for your life goals.

Sound advice. Thanks.

We had a longggggg talk last night. She said she’s going to try harder to understand my situation…

but I have a feeling within a week she’ll be back to normal. If so, she gets the boot.

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I don’t care about most things. Especially pertaining to school, I’m smart, but I just work enough to glide by with good test grades. I rarely do homework.

I’ll probably get into all my colleges I applied to, I’ve been accepted to 2/4 colleges so far. But I’m just not as excited as everyone else seems to be. For two reasons:

First of all, my girlfriend and I (our one year was today), are planning to ease out of our relationship throughout the first couple months of college because we’re going to different schools. And we both are trying to be realistic. THe chances of us staying together with a long distance relationship during college are very slim. In addition, I heavily frown upon drinking and I know she’ll be into that at her school. But thinking about not being with her makes me entirely depressed and sad. So I usually try and not talk/think about it.

Second, I’m very much against altering one’s state of mind. And since everyone knows partying is a big part of college, and many people partake in shit like that, I’m afraid the whole social aspect is going to be difficult for me.

It just seems like I’m just continuing a boring formula for life.

Good grades = good college = good job = success

It just seems like a big load of BS to me. Last summer I worked as an Intern at Microsoft, and I’ll probably be working there again this summer. And the road of computer science, that I thought I was going to take, seems like it would get real tiring, real fast. And now I have no idea what I want to do.

So any wise words OT?

Sorry, I kind of hit a lot of things really quickly in my life

I’ve felt like this before and one thing that helped was actually CARING about something. Or switching things up and trying something new.
So…just take your gen eds the first two years of college to get an idea of what you like and dislike. And just because you don’t go out and party doesn’t mean you won’t have fun. You’re still going to have more freedom than you have ever had.

Finding people with similar interests/mindsets as you is key. Instead of friends who say "hey, lets go get drunk or go to a party’, you want to find friends who say ‘hey, let’s go see a movie or go bowling or something".

You will enjoy it, trust me.
You seem like a smart teenager. Kudos for that. And kudos for being realistic about your relationship. Because sadly it’s not going to work out if you’re not seeing her enough. Even more if she is the partying type.

Like mentioned before just take some regular general courses. If you really don’t even want to go to college just take a couple classes during the night. This will keep you away from the college experience because you’ll be in classes with people older than you who are strictly going there for classes and not all the other bs that college brings with it.
I was the same way at your age. I had no motivation to do homework, yet excelled in class. I had the option of transferring to a CC instead of doing my senior year of high school, but neglected to do so. Instead, I spent my senior year doing nothing. In retrospect, it was very stupid. I wanted to dedicate myself to continuing my education, yet felt like I was dwelling around for nothing. At the same time I wanted nothing to do with the typical college life. It felt like I was going to splay myself open for a "normal" pursuit of a career after my education. I had no part in wanting the life of my college/uni friends. So, a few days after I turned 18, I visited an Army recruiter and signed my papers. I had a scholarship and the whole nine yards, but I wanted to make my own path.

Sometimes you have to take the reigns and focus your intentions on what will make you happy. For me, it was this, and for it is something entirely different. I’ll finish school once I’m done with this, but it’s nice to be able to see a side of the fence many don’t see. It feels different to start from the bottom. That’s just my outlook, I guess.
and there is nothing wrong with drinking 2-3 beers. drinking 20 beers is what alters your mind.. 2-3 doesnt do shit to most people

and more than likely you are against it kuz you have never done it and only listen to what people say are the negatives.

live a little. you only get college once.

Depending on the size of his g/f… 3 beers could have an effect on her. Besides, you’re talking about a college party where they keep telling people to keep drinking. She’ll be 18, young and stupid in terms of being street smart. All those older guys will pressure her to drink and probably her friends to. Those 3 beers quickly turns into 5 and after she’s really starting to act different.
College is what you make of it. If you do not want to party and drink then don’t! I have plenty of friends who do not drink and they do just fine socially.

When it comes to Majors… well I personally had 5 Majors before I settled down. CS, CE, IT, CJ, and finally ANSA. You aren’t suppose to know what you want to do with your life at day 1 of college. Most schools give you until your Junior year to make up your mind.
As strange as this sounds…..you actually sound quite healthy to me.

Ok so your plan to take over the world via computer science has probably changed and you may even have had a lot of momentum in that direction….it certainly sounds like you have. So what do you do? Well I would suggest talking with the career placement office of the College/Uni you attend. They have aptitude tests to help you find out where your interests lie and help suggest careers in those areas.

Don’t be afraid to experiment also. Take crazy classes that you think would be interesting or that you have not even considered before. You never know but your dream job might be somewhere in the midst of one of these classes.

I was somewhat like you but my chosen profession was Accounting. Back before I ever even thought about a career, my dad decided we kids were all going to be accountants. So when I was in HS, I didn’t even question this at all….I just took 2 years of accounting because it would give me a head start. Afterall, what I WANTED to do was irrelevant because dad was paying the bills so I had to do what he wanted me to.

So I stayed in Uni and in an accounting degree far too long. I wasn’t motivated and I wasted so much fucking money that it boggles my mind when I think about it. And guess what…..my first love, the thing that I was most passionate about, computers, turned out to be my real love. So much so that at 36 I returned to Uni to get a second bachelors degree….this time in CS.

Let me assure you that few things in life suck worse than having a mountain of debt and having to work in a job you hate. You feel trapped and there is literally nothing you can do about it. It’s a particular kind of hell that many people are trapped in. Thankfully, I was able to find a way out….and how I found that way was by finding out what interested me and then having the guts to follow that path….no matter what anyone else thought.

It was really hard because quite often people questioned my judgment but I didn’t care. I knew I was on the right path and I knew it because it felt right. I had a lot of peace and excitement when studying CS. I had a great deal of fun too.

So, don’t be afraid to experiment with different professions….even if they are radically different than what you have thought you would be or do. Try everything you can think of…..some you’ll like more than others and some you’ll be absolutely crazy about.

I can assure you that once you find a job in a field that you are passionate about, work doesn’t seem like work at all. In fact, you’ll marvel that someone is actually paying you to do this job you love so much…..if they knew how passionate you are about it, they would know that you would do it for free. That’s when you know you’re on the right path and it’s perfectly OK if it takes awhile to find this path…..or even if the path continues to change…..just trust in yourself and you’ll find your way.

Good luck

i was talking about him.
hey man, i’m in college now, i’m a junior and i’ve been in your position.

when i first went to college i was a slacker (left over from highschool) and i never did any work but still had the highest grade in my chem class. then everything went wrong, i got bronchitis, my gf at the time turned psycho, and my friend died in a car accident there.

so i left and went to another school.

these years in your life are a weird time, and it’ll fly by, just make the best of it. i dont drink at college either, and i never have so i get where you’re coming from there. you sound like you know most of who you are already which is cool and college will further you in that search.

what you and your gf are doing about easing out is very smart, and very realistic. i commend you for that, i just broke up with my gf of 1.5 years tonight and its gonna be tough anyway man good luck and keep us posted on how it goes and where you end up going!

I actually have drank before, I’ve just never been drunk. I still fail to see the point in it, and it seems most people (as cliched as it sounds) do it to fit in. And believe me, I’m smart enough not to listen to bullshit ads on drugs and alchohol.

Read the first sentence, I’m not lonely at all.
if you are as smart as you say… which i believe you, you will notice that there is obviously a reason so many people enjoy imbibing a few alcoholic beverages on occasion. You sound responsible enough though, so you probably will have no problem figuring out your limit. I highly advise everyone to go out, enjoy a few beers and have a good time with friends…. you can do that sober too but sometimes its great on a friday after class to go kick back a few…. especially with all the stresses in college…..

Live a little and not all of us party 24/7…

Why does alchohol/drugs suddenly = living?

I’d actually like an answer to this questions, because I’ve heard this alot, yet I still don’t understand why people say it.

It just means let go of your inhibitions a little and have fun. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with drinking. As someone who is about to graduate from college very soon, I have to agree with everyone else in saying that it really is just what you make of it. I won’t lie, it will seem like almost everyone is just on a mission to get wasted and laid for a while, but there are plenty of other things to do. It’s a weird transitional phase leaving home and all your friends behind, but my advice to you is to embrace it. Meet as many people as you can. It’s sooo easy to meet people in college. All it takes is a smile and a handshake and a quick introduction. Don’t just worry about grades and your future career. In my opinion thats only half of the whole experience. Don’t worry about not drinking. Contrary to anti-drug ads they show in high schools, most kids will respect that and you can still have plenty of fun at parties if you choose to go.
I felt the same way when I first got to school 4 years ago, but my attitude changed pretty quickly. Trust me when I tell you that you should embrace the whole college experience. You don’t want to be like my long time friend/roommate. He’s a total recluse, hasn’t made a single real friend in college in 4 years, and sleeps till 7pm every day.

good luck man

goto college..its basically a place you can choose to network around. its not like you know what to do at this moment anyway.

about 4 years ago i used to do playtest for games in redmond. there was this asian w/ green eyes…if she’s still there, tell her i love her and sorry that i was too much of a pussy to chat her up when she gave me my free gift.

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When I am able to pull it off, not go out to lunch during the week, i completely fuck it up over the weekend. I take friends out to dinner and spend morei n one night then i did in three weeks in college! I cant’ stop!

So to push myself I am moving two miles from work. I’m going to leave my wallet at home. I’m going to cut all of my CC’s in half. I’m going to walk to work. I’m going to force myself to suffer. I’m just scared for the weekend. I get that itch and there’s nothing there to distract me. I could go shopping, i could go out, i could go buy food, clothes, watch a movie. But i can’t stay home. I can’t read a book. I can’t sit still.

I just need some advice. I don’t know how long i’ll last. I get paid on the 15th, and with that cash in my account, I won’t even remember this thread.

could you look into locking your checking account or something (basically, do something to make it hard for you to get out your money), and set up to have your bills deducted automatically from it each month?

You should probably consider moving back in with parents or a friend for now until you can get a handle on all this. I have a feeling that this has probably already negatively affected your credit history, which will impact everything else.

Another thing you might want to do is consult a doctor. Some of this sounds a little like ADD…it might be worth looking into.

I think I might need medication as well. My credit is fine. It’s hurting a little right now becuase my balances are high. It’s kind of what pinches me every month. I’m going to just cut all of my cards including my checking card and withdraw cash from the bank from now on. Maybe weekly and if i run out, i run out. It will force me to save and hopefully grow accustom to living a less wreckless lifestyle.
i’m gonna make this an ongoing thread. I’m moving on the 14th.
Don’t cut your cards….throw them in a tupperware dish, run water over them, and put it in your freezer. You would have to wait a very long time for them to defrost before you could use them and by then, the urge to spend should have passed. Get yourself one small credit card (say $300 limit) and use that as your day-to-day card (meaning gas, oil changes, small meals) and freeze the rest of your cards…even the check card. make yourself go inside the bank if you need cash that bad.

Also get checked for any ADD/OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)

you are a motherfucking genious. i love you forever for this thread.

i’m moving on monday. It’s also payday. where i am forcing my savings to begin. I WILL do it
You should try mod edit: no advocature of drug usage please . Then you’ll want to sit at home and enjoy your house.

I want you to read your post.

Do you see yourself addressing the issue or masking it?

Personally, you will not improve with medication, for it is a cyclic thought proccess driving you to do this.

There are books that can help you with this. Break out a load of cash and buy as many of those books as you can. Just kidding.

Seriously, get some books relating to that subject. Obsessive spending books are out there.

You are focusing on how you want to feel today, and it is making you feel misrible for tommorow, amirite?

So focus on tommorow, so you can be happy tommorow, then the next tommorow, ect.

Sorry dude, I can’t afford to go out to lunch today I am broke. (Bring own lunch)

Minimize addictions and spending. Replace with cheep or free activities to fill in the gaps, for the win.

The only problem with this is when you realize that the microwave is right there and it does a great job at defrosting and thawing….beware . I’ve tried this trick before and the microwave was just laughing at me the whole time.

I do this! The best thing I could ever do for myself. I get the urge to go out and so on. Mine have been sitting in the freezer since november!
ING account + automatic withdraw to savings + having someone else change the password for you = forced money management

this is also a fantastic idea.

I got paid today.

I’m kind of nervous.

I thought I was going to be paid on Monday.

I find it kind of funny how I am afraid of it. Every time i get paid i’m like when i see my account. How do i spend all of this? Jesus.

Time to crack down.

thanks. I actually like reading self help books. I’ll go sit in a B&N and read them instead of purchasing them. It will be something "free" to do.
I’m doing good so far. Staying within my $10 a day. Last weekend I only purchased a fridge (which i think is excuseable. I mean, i gotta eat.) and went out to dinner once. Today I have tomorrow’s money in my pocket. I plan on spending around $6-7 for lunch so i can get a double shot @ starbizzle as well.
Learn how to cook exotic foods. Not only will you spend less then going out, but you’re learning an awesome skill that will impress people and will take up time to do. This will keep you busy, and after a while you’ll laugh at your friends that pay $15 for a shitty meal at Fridays and you can cook enough for your lunch the next day as well. Plus it’ll put your new fridge to good use.
I personally don’t agree with medication.

Learning to cook is a great way to get yourself away from those kinds of urges.

I think you really need to work yourself off of starbucks. It’s a bad habit and you really don’t need it. I guess that’s easy for me since I don’t need caffeine in my body, but if you need doubleshots, then i guess one a day isn’t bad.

What I usually do for lunch when I work is a bring a bagel with some cream cheese with me. It’s nice and cheap and it’s fast. Lunch should not be a big thing. I know it’s a social thing, but even find yourself getting just water and something to snack on. Eat a nice healthy breakfast so that you won’t be so hungry for lunch. It will save you a lot of money >.<

when you have days when you have extra money, dont look at it like extra to spend another day, look at it like its gone anyways. I put my leftover 1′s and 5′s into my change jar with the rest of my change. Just helps with the money management stuff.
as far as bigger purchases go. I do my homework online. then I check it out in a store if possible. then.. I sleep on it .. at least a night. most of the time its more like 2-3.
ex: A wall mount for my monitor. 150 bones for the one i like. Ive been sleeping on it for a couple days now. Just not really sure that I "need" it right now. want the money to go towards some vacation time with my girlie instead.

I was only suggested that he go see a doc and get tested for ADD/ADHD…not that he just start taking medication all willy nilly.
Jesus christ. I’m right back to where i started. I went to mammoth for the weekend.

Bad idea. I’m broke until the 1st. how sad is that. that’s a freaking week. wow. go me. I just purchased groceries. So it looks like spending nothing until then.

I am jack’s dissapointment.

I did fine for the first month. Then i brought out the debit card instead of using cash. It didn’t work. I went on a vacation & went crazy. I hate these stupid fucking cycles. I need a self punishment or something. This is crazy!
I think learning to cook is a good idea. Also LEAVE the debit and credit card at home if you have to…
Start investing your money. That is how I overcame my spending habits. It really is an addiction when you have the money right there. Investing my money gives me the same satisfaction + it’s the best thing you can do with your money. Learning to cook helps a lot too. Once you can cook a good meal, you wont want to eat out anymore.
IMO your financial woes have more to do with emotional issues then they have to do with money. Suze Orman is a pro at detailing the links between our emotions and our financial woes. People think, ahh that just horse shit…if I had more money I wouldn’t have these problems. However, there are many people used to feel this same way and their problems only worsened.

Sure, if you have zero income and don’t live with your parents, then ya, you need more money. HOwever, your problems don’t sound like that sort…they sound like you could actually manage to live off what you make but your spending is out of control. If that is true, you’ll have to get ahold of your financial problems or they will get ahold of you.

First thing, stop beating yourself up for making poor choices. Everyone fucks up from time to time. The point is, when you fuck up, don’t compound the mistake by continuing to spend. Realize you fucked up again and forgive yourself…then start again.

Next, you must develop a plan. Cutting up your CC’s and punishing yourself may work for a time but just like anyone that’s ever been repeatedly punished by their parents, you will rebel. In fact, I think you already have to some extent. Suze Orman and others are great at providing very practical advice on turning around your finances.

Next, the WORK you must do to change your financial picture is not nearly as fun as blowing loads of cash and living like a pimp. So, it’s important that in your plan you have some money set aside to blow. As you learn to create a budget and live with it, you learn that you can actually budget wild and crazy expenses…but you’ll also know that you can afford it. Right now you can’t.

Debt Free and Prosperous Living is a tape program (buy from ebay or Amazon) that really helped me. Also Consumer Credit Counseling Service (check your local phone book) is an organization that offers free financial advice to people struggling to live on what they make. They can help you make a budget and provide support while you work your way out of these problems. Also…as was previously suggested, Barnes and Noble have great books as well as your public library.

ONe truly awesome book is called The Richest Man in Babylon. You should be able to find it anywhere but it’s only $7 from amazon. It’s a very easy to read book but it’s got incrediblly powerful ideas inside it.

Stay away from get rich quick schemes and fast cash schemes. You need solid financial advice from people that have been there/done that. There are many free resources available to you…whether you choose to use them or not will be the difference between letting life happen to you or you taking control of your life.

It’s not easy, it’s damn sure not sexy but I can assure you, it’s worth all the effort.

Good Luck and God Bless.

I like the advice but buying books is counter-intuitive to what he wants to do.

go to the library! If you’re not illiterate (which we know you’re not..) find some books that interest you.. finance, science. history etc and read… tape your feet to the bed and read all weekend.

Library books are free if you turn them back in on time.

Seriously.. I’m horrible with money.. I actually use Paypal to help manage my finances… How? Easy.. the money is there if I need it, but the key word is need. Do I need to think about spending it when I can’t access it? Yes. but the fact it takes 3-4 days to get at makes it a lot easier to 2nd guess what I am doing.

FYI I found a ‘budget per day’ is a bad idea, but a budget for the week is more reasonable. It allows you to go out on friday night and be cheap Sunday/Mon.. when the money’s gone I just suck it up and live off the change in my car.
you need a hobby dude.

Computer games and a love for movies have allowed me to live as cheaply as possible through college so far ( but actually most of all it’s OT )… you’re past that stage yet a hobby could work the same for you. You don’t ahve to be a penny pincher and you can still go out and do things you want to do.. but you have to be comfortable with what you’ve got and be able to enjoy it, otherwise what’s the point of having anything?

I mentioned library books and barnes and nobel is free….just don’t buy the book.

However, The Richest Man in Babylon is cheep and it’s such a good book that anyone having financial difficulties should make it a part of their permanent library. It’s worth every penny….and one can prolly find it even cheeper at used bookstores.

One of the things that really helped me start turning my financial world around was when I sold something I didn’t "need" and used that money to buy something that I believed would help me…..Anthony Robins tape program called "Personal Power". I literally couldn’t afford it but I saw it as an important program and something that could help me….if only I worked at it. It was the start of my turn around….and it was by no means a magic bullet. It was however a start.
Well this weekend is winding down and I have a few things on the "to do" list, and some changes that will be beneficial. I’m going to spend two weekends a month at my dad’s house. I have a baby brother & Sister that turn 2 in June. I figure if i’m at home, i never spend $ & hanging with the twins is fun. ( I feel a little old for saying that, but what can you do?)

I get paid on Wed. So I am going to buy that babalon book & start back up. I think my failure this time was going to Mammoth. When I go on trips I tend to forget how much I can, and cannoth spend. I had the right idea when i went to Vegas in December, when i left everything at home and only brought a little cash and my ID.

I also know i fucked up with my last "budget" I allowed myself $50 a week but didn’t allot for the weekend. $10 a day is perfect for Mon-Friday. I ususally spend less then $10 & put the change in a jar for added savings/emergency fund type stuff. So this time arround I’ll give the two weekends i’m not at my dad’s a $50 budget. I figure that’s more then enough. I could do quite a bit on that. That’s a budget that’s $300 a month… not bad. I’ll give it a go. I hope that spending bug doesn’t hit me this time arround. I just need to take it easy! BAH!

thanks for the advice. I am beating myself up when i just need to grow up and realize what i’m doing. I’m throwing myself a pity party when i should just find my flaws and DESTROY THEM.

Hope everyone’s weekend is going well.

edit:

thanks! Same to you!

I consider books a good investment too.

Some are worth buying, but the library is always free and older books are virtually always in stock, especally in the larger counties in the US.

Came here to post this. You wont want to leave your house. At least not until you take out Onyxia. Oh crap, it’s 2AM already? Bedtime.
You may want to see if there are any local self-help groups for shopping addiction.
If push comes to shove, you might have to move to a crappy small farm town with nothing around for miles. Then there won’t be anywhere for you to spend money at.
haha. I’m enjoying the warcraft crew. I was a big CS kid. If i go to a game it might be that one. But that goes back into purchasing crap that i might not want to. I’ll look into it though. I do try and keep myself @ places like alluc & peekvid.

I got paid today. Amazingly i said "no" to going out to lunch and went home and made lunch. (I live that close to work.) It’s amazing how hard it is for me to do that. I’m hoping i can just do that from here on out, maybe just going out a few days a week and that’s it. This weekend’s my birthday, which sucks. I know i’ll end up screwing myself over or something. I have plans on friday night & saturday -day & saturday-night.

Friday might be expensive. I’m thinking of bringing $50 in cash and my ID. Maybe even $40. Saturday won’t be too bad. During the day it’s the fam, so home cooked food. Sat night is w/ a girl…soo… we’ll see about that. I’m die hard against dutch.

For past reference what i’m doing on friday i normally spend arround $120… and saturday would be at a minimum of $80. So i’ve got high hopes for the weekend. I’m kinda fucking nervous about it. Hopefully i can pull of being cheaper.

I would also like to note that i crindged to the word cheaper when i typed it. What a fuckin’ problem i have.
Read my OCD about money thread. We must be opposites.
Well i’m doing good. I only spent around $50 this weekend.

To update my last post… on my birthday, my friends paid for my dinner, and leaving the restraunt i hurt a ligament in my knee, and i was also sick, so i just stayed at home and popped IB Profin & drank water.

Happily I have healed from both the sickness, the knee still hurts, and it’s most likely going to take another month for it to fully recover. But that’s another story.

This week I have purshed food for lunch. I don’t like going home to cook, so i’m bringing stuff in. I’m going to buy a rice cooker. I need more carbs in my diet….also another story. People at work told me they sell rice cookers at "Ranch 99" for under twenty bucks! So maybe for lunch tomorrow i’ll hunt it down. My hope is to not spend any cash this week, with the exception of the rice cooker, if i get it.

Okay peace and love! w000.
A way to slowly save money, and more realistically if you’re burning it up on the weekends despite your attempts on the weekdays..

Open up a savings account from another bank..if you have Wamu, then open up bofa, or Wells Fargo or Citibank..

The check card you get, shred it up. Every month or so when you have this feeling again of "i need to save" just transfer a good sum of money from your primary into this "reserve account" and because it is deposit only you wont need your check card. Have no checks, nothing, dont even write down your pin #. The only way to get everything is go through a long ass process with your ssn# but by that time you say "screw this."

Thats a very basic way to start saving money and not spending it like theres no tomorrow.

Then once that nestegg becomes big enough, go invest it and let it grow (let it become non-liquid so you can’t take it out and burn it as quickly).
whats an ING account?

soooooo true
Well i’d like to thank everyone first off. Between last month and this month, i’ll have over $1000 in savings. I was hoping for more but I can’t be too mad at myself.

I can’t relly decifer where i turned arround. I did open another checking/savings account with citi-bank. The check card to access that account is 50 miles from me right now, and honestly, i don’t feel like i’m ever going to go pick it up.

My first goal of savings is hitting $16k in a savings account. This is equal to how much i actually need to live for 6 months. After that I guess I can save up for big-fun stuff like a new car or another motorcycle .

The itch to buy stuff is fucking crazy though. And when I save, it just adds up. I can probably write like fifteen fucking things that cost $100-250 that I want right fucking now. But alas I’m not buying them.

Anyway, all is well at the home front. I’ll let you know when I hit bigger numbers

OH I also forgot to say, i turn 25 in March next year. I started a extra savings for that. I’m going to get a suite & shit in vegas for a weekend, and for some reason, i LOVE puting money in that savings spot.

Love&Peace
stuff. keep going.

Did you end up reading "the richest man in babylon"?

That is awesome to hear man. Keep up the great work! It’s always awesome to see someone turning their life around for the better.

Good luck man!
Update:

i’m -80 on checking. got sick of it all and cut my credit cards up. I’ve been smiling ever since. I also turned 25 and feel like a retard for not being mature about my future.

I’ve also never done this before, it’s way easy and it’ll prob. help me out more then anything else I’ve done:

I calculated all my "costs" for the next month and took them out of my paycheck (that i get tonight/tomorrow) I’m going to put half in another savings account and take out a little cash a week. I had some unforeseen costs lately so I’m back to where i started I’m doing my taxes this weekend, so whatever i get back I’m also putting in savings for a "emergency fun."

I feel like this is a better start then before. I know how much i have per week, how much i would like to spend per day and can hopefully have a base to have savings.

I hope everyone has a great st. P. weekend.

I think you’ve got a pretty good plan, except for this part.
**I couldnt tell if you actually meant "emergency FUN" or "emergency FUND" – the part below only applies if you meant FUN.**

Take your tax return, deposit it in your other savings account and then FORGET ABOUT IT. Think about it this way: Ideally, you’d have enough to cover that "emergency fun" anyway, without the tax return, right? Its not like your tax return is the same every year, reliable like a paycheck, etc, so I dont think you (or anyone) should count on it for anything. If you need it, great, but dont PLAN on it for anything. Does that make sense?

**If you meant FUND, well, good idea**
When I got engaged I told my wife to be that I had one condition.
That she completely controlled the finances. I said I wanted her in charge of everything. I would come to her for money and stuff I wanted to buy and it would be her job to say Yay! or Nay! to it.

She is really good with finances. She had a savings account of $9 grand when we met. She has great credit. Worries about making bills. Knows when she can spend and cannot.
She said of course.

I went to work, went to HR and had my paycheck auto-deposited to her account.

I haven’t looked back since.

Don’t give up….Don’t ever give up…..NEVER QUIT TRYING!!

I’m glad to hear that you cut up your credit cards and you’re trying again. It’s ok that you are right back where you started….stay the course…..you’re learning and growing and eventually, you’ll overcome this but only if you keep working at it.

You might also try to expand your knowledge of personal finance. In previous posts I’ve mentioned books and people that have been an invaluable help to me in my journey to grow up.

Oh and just so you know, I was a total mess financially until I started working full time at age 27. Yes, I lived paycheck to paycheck for many years after this because it takes time to turn the financial ship around.

So be patient and educate yourself. Go to the library and check out books on personal finance. Get the tapes, watch the videos and TV shows on personal finance. Learn what successful people do and then copy them.

Generating wealth is easy if you know the steps to take. However, it can be a real bitch to learn those steps and how to apply them. So keep trying and don’t ever quit and you will find the financial independence that so many crave.

Good luck.
so an update… i diced up my three cards. I’m getting way more then i expected from taxes. So 2 of 3 will be paid off and i’ll slowly pay the 3rd one off. I’ll have $ left over after the first two are even paid off as well which will go into that savings account that won’t get touched.

quite excited to say the least.
Sounds to me like you need to address your inner emptiness instead of constantly buying shit.

YAY!! Good for you

not shit

food.

thnx yo

tax return came in. I’m nervous. I need to go home and pay my card off stat! Before…. the urges come.

Dooo eeet. If you can pay them electronically, do that. If not, write the checks and put them in the mailbox asap.

If you’re having trouble paying them, the likely cause is because you don’t associate the purchase with the payment. Credit cards are goofy like this….that’s why most people get in trouble with CCs because it’s soo easy to think I have X dollars in the bank so I can easily afford this item…I’ll just charge it.
I feel like I am going broke because I eat out for lunch every day I work, but, I don’t grocery shop anymore, so I think it evens out, if not put me more ahead. When I grocery shop, I spend, maybe 100 bucks a week. When I eat out for lunch, I spend maybe 5 or 6 bucks, times 5 is only 25 or 30 bucks a week. When I am home all day, I obviously eat more, so in turn, need more food. So, eating out for lunch is fine as long as you do it responsibly. Subway has 5 dollar foot longs, and they fill me up and I’m 6′ 250lbs. If you go to Olive Garden every day for lunch, thats another story.
subway $5 for a foot long? not where I live and I’m in the middle of the country also. I think you’re lying.

yea. advertising for this shit is errwerrr

but the line’s out the door.

i’ll be eating free food today at work (as we have tons of shit-food here) but i’m going on a date tonight….

We split the first date and I felt terrible doing it. How weird is that?

True story. I keep groceries to a min. of about $50 a week or so. Lunch for me I try and keep under $10. if i go over i don’t eat out the next day (IE i spent $15 yesterday, so technically i only have $5 for today…. so i choose to eat my work food has a cost of $0.00 )

Yup, because I have so much to gain by lying about Subway foot long sandwiches……

Its going on here too. I’m not a big fan of subway, but for 5 bucks I’ve been considering it lately.

Well of course there is a lot to gain by lying about it. Do you honestly think that people that get into financial difficulties are being HONEST with themselves? Fuck no they aren’t.

honestly valuing the things we buy is a HUGE issue when people are trying to straighten out their finances. People distort and lie about the true value of things all the time.

So a $6.50 sammich starts costing about $5. The extra $1.50? Well….it’s not that much. Now this seems like a silly example but it’s not. I’ve seen very similar arguments when people are dealing with much larger sums.

And sure…it looks like they’re running a special but the point I’m making is still valid. So specifically what is to be gained by lying? Well one gets to continue their lifestyle blaming other factors and never addressing the fact that they have the power to change things.
won $100 at work.

that covers my lunch & mah date tonite. w00t.

Or…. the sandwich is actually 5 fucking dollars

date went well. I didn’t ball out, but i did go over my supposed budget by like $60. i need to recall the dread of being broke now, I think this is what’s hard to capture. I have no expenses… and money in the bank, so i have this overwhelming urge to go do something or spend. it’s ridiculous.

So I think this week i’ll try and stay out of the lunch outings as much as possible, which will even out my spending on the weekend. We’ll see. I forgot to mail out a few checks..but i should be able to square off everything today.

How did you go over your budget? As in, did you order something more expensive? Decide to do something different than planned? What happend?

I think the who "even out the spending on the week" additude is a bad one to have…you spend, then justify it by planning on holding back in the future, but when you actually get to the future (ie, a coworker asks you to go out to lunch with them this week) you dont go through with your plan and say no, because, well, you can just cut out something else down the line…vicious cycle…

And mail the damn checks!!!

Is that seriously a good deal? 1) a footlong is a lot of food for one meal, and 2) the normal price for most footlongs is only a buck or two more.

checks in the mail.

as for the spending over the weekend, I just need to budget how much "fun" is. I don’t know what to set that at. I guess I’ll have to work that out.

As for co-worker lunch, I don’t need that. that’s a want. Turning off want’s is what I am currently working on.

As for an update, I’ve started to feel the change. I think learning to carry over the "fear" of broke-ness when I have money is key. As for last weekend, the more I look at it, the more it feels fine. I want to focus on having fun at things I can do that aren’t that much. It’s all about changing my mindset. If I were to take the day off from work, how am I to enjoy it without spending. I have SO much nearby that I’m ignoring. Baby steps, baby.

As for this week, I feel like I’m going over but I’m rly not. I’m fine and still within my budget. I just have fear for weekends and what they can cause me to do. Learning to stay home…is difficult.
1. Develop a fear of being broke.

2. Nourish this fear to the point that simply thinking about spending money sends you into a panic.

3. Profit.

its a promotion they are running

You might want to consider paying your bills by phone with a check – some places might charge you, but most don’t, and the money is whisked out of your account faster than a blink. No waiting for mail or a person depositing the check.

You will come to love watching your savings grow, and then you can spend it on things that will benefit you, like a home, or savings for retirement instead of "stuff."
I’m someone that became accustomed to eating out every day, buying my morning cappuccino and various small stuff, but it does add up. Looking at my online bank statements became torture when I added up the numbers of unnecessary purchases.

To combat it, I make myself a lunch every night before I go to bed with enough food to cover my lunch, snack and what I’m going to eat as I’m rushing out the door. If you have the use of a microwave at work, you can bring a larger variety of items. Having a locker or place at work where you can store items is really helpful. You can stock up on things like tea or store a spill proof container for the day instead of buying drinks constantly.

I know we all need our early morning coffee rush and star bucks is convenient, but if you have a coffee maker with a timer on it, you can set it to brew before you wake up and make a cup as you head out the door in your spill proof container.

The best part about taking a lunch is that you eat a lot healthier, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Getting started seemed to be the hardest. I didn’t have a proper lunch bag, tupperware like containers to store food and lunch friendly groceries. But once i got going and developed a routine it all started falling together.

The social aspect of going out with your friends for lunch is always a problem, but you could simply let them know you brought a lunch but are willing to take it with you and eat with them in whatever food court area you end up in. If your not strong enough for even that or are embarrassed at being the only one not buying anything, then kindly decline but try and find time to socialize later.

Take it a step at a time. Don’t shop out of boredom, to relieve stress or feel better about yourself. Plan out exactly what you need before you go shopping and buy only what you need. A bargain is only a bargain if you actually need the item. DON’T USE YOUR CREDIT CARDS! They should only be used for emergencies or if you can’t pay any other way. I’m a huge fan on online banking. I pay all my bills there, as well as have a separate bank account with higher interest specifically for savings. (transfers are free) It makes it seem like you have less money on that main account you use for bill paying and interac transactions so you become more aware of spending when the balance seems low.

Lol at wow subscription. It’s true.
Well I get paid on Friday and I still have money in the bank. Crazy I say. I’ve come to realize that I just can’t make the money accessible. Cutting my cards was the best thing for me to do. I only have one left to pay off which is awesome.

I feel my wants adding up though. I’ll be bored at work and end up ordering a woot or WM item that I think is a total steal, but can live without. I have moderately more then I have in the past; where I’d order like 5 things a week. Now it’s like once a month, and hopefully less in the future.

My lunch outings have gone down super-significantly due to me being fat and starting to diet. If I’m able to stay on my diet, I’m able to keep a lot more in the bank. This goes beyond eating at lunch, this is outings at midnight when i have a craving for a burger or a steak.

Now I’ve been looking into monthly bills that I pay. I think i should move, because my rent is astronomical, and I was also thinking of switching phone companies. I pay $86 a month, only use 250 daytime minutes and at most $300 weekend minutes, and 500ish text messages. I’m overpaying, but with t-mobile, it can only be lowered $20 a month for their lowest plan.

I know sprint has that employee plan they talk about on here that’s like $30 a month, but I think sprint sucks last I had it (in 2001)… Plus there’s the initial costs that are always annoying. I’d have to buy a new phone… I’d most likely have to pay 2 bills in one month. It wouldn’t be fun. We’ll see.

But it’s been a good run since I started this. I have lasted up to 8 days without spending a single $. I don’t think I’ll be able to pass that due to my motorcycle being out of commission right now and my car’s MPG sucking.

Thanks for the advice and the fellow thoughts on going through this from the rest of you. I’m glad I’m not alone.

Also, i totally watched that movie Maxxed Out. totally Awe inspiring.

Oh, and we’re probably going to cancel our TV cable soon and switch to streaming TV from the Internetz
i think i read nearly every post of this thread. i think it would be more effective to discover the exact nature of the source of the spending urges, than to try this or that solution to recover from the spending (or alternates to the spending).
this is what i did to help save some money.

Put all my money into the savings account so it earns interest. Then have ur check card not be ablet o access the Savings.

setup an automatic transfer to put $10 into ur checking every day that way u have money incase u need it but its not alot either.

that way you budget your day around that much $. When you need groceries/gas/etc Go to a bank take out the money you need. Then keep the change as extra $ to spend. you’ll save alot and make a little money too

Also track your expenses, I’m starting to do this and I plan on just paying everything i need putting a certain amount into term deposit and keeping the rest as floating cash with that method.

I bring lunch to work but usually eat it before lunch is there. So i eat out too, I spend about $10/day at work for food. So an hour of work goes to food and 9 hours goes towards income.

It’s hard but just limit yourself.

Microsoft Money 2007 ftw! ive been using it since 2005, and it really puts your spending into prospective with all the graphs charts and reports it can put out.
Everyone has their vices. Gambling and physical addictions are no problem for me, but like you I have a spending addiction.

I have my savings and investments, and then whatever I make from work or side jobs I keep in a checking account that I see as free money. It’s only got about $2k in it right now and I keep looking at places like slickdeals for what I want to buy.

I think it would help you if you put most of your money into investments. Either stocks or a CD. Something that takes more effort for you to withdraw from. And just keep a little bit in a debit account.
The topic doesn’t really make sense to me though. It sounds more like an ADD thread. But maybe you do have ADD and if so, reckless addictive behavior is one of the symptoms.
i saw something like this in a movie once and all you have to do is…Stop it !

i don’t believe in add

but you’re probably right.

I can’t just stop, as i’ve tried SO many times. I am slowing down considerably, and catching myself sooner lately.

but you’re very right.

the hard to get to CD is a brilliant Idea. thanks.
I’m opening a CD tonight.

I’m going to do an ING 6 month. I’m a little nervous. Anything I should know? It doesn’t look like I need a minimum balance for it.
I AM THE EXACT SAME WAY.. lunch, omg I cannot pass it up! lol i just stare at what I don’t have in the house to eat or at work and go out to lunch. if i’m bored, i call a friend and say hey wanna go to lunch? i spend so much money on stuff that doesn’t get me anywhere, or that i have nothing to show for how much money i get. i’m only 18 and make $11.20 an hour, whereas everyone around here makes about $7. I make really good money for my age, plus time and a half on sundays. I make more money in one 12-hour workweek than some of my friends working like 30+ a week for 2 weeks worth of pay. I have all this money, but it drains within a couple days of getting the money. I get paid every week. I thought it was some girly disease of always shopping, but I’m glad I read this thread. I hope it helps. I’ll give an update of how I’m doing in 2 weeks! Lol this shall be interesting

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