Anyway, it triggered me thinking of death and the fact that one day I might have the same mental faculty I have right now, but be looking back over 70+ years of life, and forward to 10 more minutes, and after that, nothing.

I dwelled on that momentarily and all of a sudden couldn’t breath, chest got tight, felt sick to my stomach and brain didn’t feel like normal. It was very disturbing. I felt completely out of sorts.

I drove home in a daze, still feeling that way, and it lasted for over 10 min.

Feel OK now, still get a little queasy when I consider death, but I feel very drained as well.

The disturbing part is that this kind of happened 3 nights ago. As I went to turn my bedside lamp off, I got very panicked over sort o the same subject.

Was this a real panic attack, or just some sick worry?
please don’t ever drive while having a panic attack you could hurt yourself or possibly others

it sounds about like what happens to me during a panic attack except i usually feel like i am dying and lose my sense of reality where sometimes i’ll scream out. i actually thought one was a heart attack and went to the hospital only to be told to see a shrink and get put on medication.

i just avoid large crowds and situations where a lot of people are looking at me. i’ve never had one thinking about death only thinking about being up in front of a large audience who are all staring at me. i can usually avoid mine but when they happen i try to force my mind on something else. i’ll stare at a mark on the wall or something and focus all my thoughts on that and try to think of that mark being my safe place.

it’s weird but something i’ve learned to do that helps.

i’m no therapist but i would suggest exploring why death bothers you so much. it might not be something you should do alone though. that’s usually why the doctors suggest a therapist because they can help you figure out why you are having them and once you come to terms with whatever it is that is the cause you will stop having them.

That’s easy. I don’t want to die.

why does it bother you to the point of having panic attacks?
There is life after death, and if you don’t believe that then you can say when i die there won’t be any pain so at least i won’t feel any bad things after it happens. Its a win win situation.

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1) There’s a commercial from Iams or something on TV that shows a family looking to adopt a dog, but it’s from the dog’s view. The family looks at the dog and walks away and the dog looks sad. There’s sad music in the background. EVERY time I see it I well up like a baby.

2) I watched Independence Day on Sunday night. Yeah, the Will Smith Independence Day, and freaking did the same thing. Any time there was something remotely sad or romantic I started to well up. When the president’s wife was dieing, when the guy’s came back from space and saw their wimmenz, etc.

I never full out cry or have tears running down my face, but I just get teary-eyed. It’s weird as shit and lord help me if I ever have a girl over here and we watch a romantic flick. She’ll either think I’m insane or a giant pussy.

Recent stress/changes in my life? I moved out at the start of this month. That’s about it. I still visit home once a week to steal food out of the fridge and do laundry and play with my nephew. I’m happy with my work and social life. Haven’t been in a relationship since around October I want to say. IIRC, it lasted 7 months. I ended it because she always thought I was cheating on her, which I never did, never in any relationship for that matter. I haven’t been on a date since the end of last month. That does not really bother me though (the dating thing) because I’m so wrapped up with work and school. Both of those are going great. Good grades, getting some actual studying done, love my job/coworkers/management.

Any guesses here guys/gals? I’ve never been this way before so it’s a little strange.
More than likely its brought on by stress. Sometimes stress for me comes up and I never even realize I’m stressed until its over or I finally notice changes in my attitude. When I was in the middle of negotiations on a house I felt fine but when the negotiations were over (i didn’t get the house) I felt a ton better and then realized I was stressed out before. Looking back at that time I was over emotional and generally freaked out most of the time. Loneliness can also bring that kind of emotion out because you may not be happy in your current situation. It will pass.

.

I’ve cried at the IAMS commercial too.

That is sad!

Dude, the same thing happened to me during that scene.

Or she’ll think you’re a human being who has empathy and compassion. Relax chief, it’s normal.

Perhaps you matured.

What Iams commercial?

This song makes me sad for some reason

Im going to throw out another option.

I had the same thing happen to me about a year ago. Im ‘emotional’ in the sense that I accept them instead of hiding them/ignoring them. I initially had the same reaction you did, "WTF?" It wasnt normal, but I found myself welling up during random commercials or certain songs I didnt have an emotional tie to.

After spending a lot of time figuring out, I came to realize I was missing the closeness that the people in the commercials/songs had. The people seemed to have an extremely powerful and meaningful relationship with each other that touched me to my core.

I realized that I wasnt as close as that to my friends, my family, my girlfriend (now fiance). I realized that a lot of things in my life were more surface in order to keep other people happy.

I made a change and made sure that I connected/reconnected on people at this level. Ive grown a lot closer to my friends by mentioning this, and doing something about it, my relationship with my folks is stronger than over, and obviously, the fiance said yes so…

With you so busy with your jobs and school, as well as not being in a relationship currently, and moving out from your family (no matter how far you moved) it could be your just missing that cosmic closeness that those incredible relationships are built from.

Take a deep look into your relationships with those around you, do you wish you were closer on some subconscious level? Can you do anything to improve on that?
I’m going to go ahead and agree with Tzuma on this also. It’s not unusual for that to be apart of something like this.

You can’t really get much closer, in my situation, with family. It’s a 70 mile round trip to visit them (mom, sister, nephew) so once a week is about the max to visit them. I still love them all, that wasn’t the reason I moved. As mentioned it’s a long round trip to drive where they moved and I work and go to school downtown here in Detroit so it made almost no sense to drive down here 7 days a week at nearly 500 miles/week.

I cut out the half-assed, crappy friends in my life and only talk with/hang out with close ones. They’re all on the same level as me, work/school dominates most of the week but when I get a chance to get out I do just that.

I don’t really desire a relationship at this point in time. It’s such a commitment. Perhaps subconsciously I do want one, but I honestly don’t think I do right now.

Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen makes me sad.
It could also be that you aren’t experiencing much in the way of emotional experiences lately and you’re now reaching out with empathy just for the sake of feeling something. It would also be for the reasons Metallic Blue and Tzuma said too.

I had the same WTF feelings when I first started crying at movies. The first time I ever actually had tears run down my face was when I saw ‘Click’ in theaters, I was so frickan pissed that an Adam Sandler movie made me cry, so I punched my husband and blamed it on him. LOL (I didn’t punch him hard, don’t worry) But I realized that because of my love for my husband (something I’d never felt before) I was able to relate to the love depicted on my screen and feel what they were acting like they felt.

Seriously that IAMS commercial has made me cry too. I’ll take you home Echo!
Well now I’m truly waterworks, and if this isn’t much in the way of emotions" then I don’t know what is.

I was in my clinical rotation this morning and my mom called me, then called again, so I answered knowing it had to be important.

My uncle, godfather, of age 55 died unexpectedly around 6 AM this morning. He was in good health so they’re thinking it was a heart attack or stroke.

He was on the gift of life registry so at least some good will come of this.

I’m sorry to hear about your Uncle.

You made me realize why I’ve been feeling crappy and emotional as of lately with that. I’ve been much like you. I just got out of a relationship which was the first relationship in about 4 years that I really got close to. Up until that point I dated but never let the girl get close to me and this one I did and it hurts breaking up and moving on. The thing is that that isn’t really what bothered me. In the process of us breaking up, I found out some of our mutual friends weren’t nearly as good of friends to me as I thought. She used them against me to try to hurt me after we ended it and I’ve lately had to cut those friends out and honestly that hurt more than losing the girl.

I know personally that I miss the closeness and the connection I had in my previous relationship. So anytime I see that connection in others it makes me long for what I don’t have right now. I think some of it is the fact that I’m moving out as soon as I can find a place I like and that is making me grow up faster. But honestly can’t piece how that part fits into the emotions I have right now.

Goddam I AM AT WORK AND ON A FRONT DESK DAMMIT!!!

Only 2 movies made me cry that i’ll tell you about

When Gandalf died in LOTR 1 – good god.

braveheart when the little his wife gives him the flower as a kid, and when he gives it back.. and when he leaves the princess.. when he yells freedom.. when..

ok i’ll stop.. I was basically crying all through braveheart.. im such a pussy

I have no idea honestly. Someone once told me to post my bewbs in the main forum so I did a Google image search on "bewbs" and that was one of the results so I made it an av

Green Mile did me in.

LOTR – ROTK when Frodo left his friends behind in the end
While feeling sad and empathetic is fairly normal, crying might not be, for you at least. It could be due to a change in hormones, though that isn’t likely as you’re male, unless something is really off. Possibly your life just has you stressed or something along those lines. I would sweat it unless it’s really affecting your day to day life.

Alright gang, this shit is still happening.

I watched Meet the Robinsons last week and the same thing happened, quite a bit. Yes, it’s a Disney movie, but it’s not like it had any Bambie’s mom moments in it.

I passed my semester, feel I’ve grown as a person this year (feel more mature), solidified my true friends, still love my job; everything besides my dating life is great. Dating life is not a big issue with me still. I don’t really want a relationship at this time. Fuck buddy maybe, but I don’t think not having a fuck buddy would make me cry like a banshee.
It’s quite simple actually. You are over identifying. I suppose every emotion is heightened to some degree, noticeable or not. I suggest watching yourself and becoming more conscious of yourself, and this is a moment to moment type of thing that fails the second you stop. It’s active, not passive.

You are becoming intensely identified with it all, and I am sure there is a large group of people like you suffering silently.
Sorry for the bump, but ive actually felt like crying after watching certain scenes in movies to. It mainly started after speaking to a psych about some stuff. Maybe letting my guard down allowed me to ‘feel’ stuff i usually wouldnt.

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She says, "your grandma is in the hospital. She had a heart attack. They don’t know if she’ll make it"

I feel absolutely horrible but I’m trying not to let it affect my prom, which, btw, I leave for in 30 minutes. Doesn’t it just seem like when you think everything is going your way, something horrible happens?
Aww, I’m so sorry Try to stay positive. I’ve heard doctors diagnose the worst and the patient come out just fine. Please try to enjoy your prom as much as possible since it’s your only one.

Update later
Prom is super highly overrated anyways. You go, you eat, maybe dance a little, the night ends with either you going home or having some sex.

.

prom is just a dance and if your lucky or play your cards right you get some pussy.

hell i dont even remember my prom, and i was sober.
im missing out on my senior prom tonight completly
dont feel too bad
I heard this morning from my mom that she’s stabilizing and we’re gonna go see her tonight. I was sooo worried yesterday but it didn’t affect my prom too much, which, as promised, was highly overrated.

But, I still had a great time and I think my grandma might be okay, for at least awhile

Thank you everyone.
Yeah, I didn’t want to burst your excited prom bubble, but I thought the 2 I went to were super lame and overrated Fucking teen movies….

Anywho, glad you still had a good time and that you grandma is doing better!!
My best wishes go to your family.

Watch prom night and you won’t be too upset about prom

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So (i think) that’s why I have become emotionally distant from everyone. i wanted my dad’s approval because that meant he wouldn’t be beating me up (or so i thought). but, then I stopped caring about his approval, and while he still hit me, it didn’t really hurt as much.

i used women in college. i would have fling, after fling. but i wanted (or so i thought) a steady relationship so badly. except when the girl i was interested in at the time started to like me, i would push her away, or cheat on her, or just become an abrassive jerk so that she’d dump me. i wanted to be wanted, but didn’t want to be …. i don’t know the word. "attached" maybe.
and so i would bounced around from one pseudo-relationship to another, hurting others as well as myself.

i haven’t dated in a while, or even tried to "pick up" women. i think it’s because i’ve started listening to my conscience, and actually caring about peoples feelings.

another thing that’s happened (perhaps they’re related) is that i was incredibly violent.
i would never get into fights with no reason, but i would get into fights at the drop of a hat. a girl would look at me funny, and i’d kick the crap out of her boyfriend, and his crew. i didn’t care about the consequences, and there really weren’t any- besides the occasional time i would pick a fight with someone bigger than me. but i didnt care, i had to show them i was stronger than them. the strongest one there is.
so sometimes i would get the crap kicked out of me, then a week later that persons tires would be slashed. they deserved it, they were mean to me a week earlier. and people should be nice.

I’ve calmed down lately. i must not be exposing myself to those situation, or maybe i just don’t want to fight anymore.

but every now and then i get that urge. i want to go to a bar, and just wait for someone to try something. or flirt with a girl that’s clearly there with some guy. that’s a win-win situation- if the guy gets mad, i get to fight. if he doesn’t i get to use a woman.
i dont ever act that urge. but man, it would be fun- just like old times…
i know. i wanted to. i should have.
but i didn’t
and it made me feel so powerless, and worthless, that i couldn’t do anything about him hitting me, or my siblings.

ugh, i still carry this… resentment towards him. and when i got into fights, i would think things like "he (the guy i’m fighting? my dad?) won’t hit me now," and "if he saw this, he would know i was strong," i had to be strong, stronger than anyone around me.
it’s not fair, he was so much bigger than me, but he hit me none the less. people shouldn’t do that, they shouldn’t take advantage of weaker people like that
piss on his grave then.

no dad should go beating up on his son, the heartless bastard.

dig up his bones, and bash them up with a baseball bat, that’ll vent ye off.
heh, i can’t do that, he died half way around the world (flew to pakistan to cheat on his wife- my mom; had a heart attack there)

so i can’t even get closure!
make a life size puppet of him in your basement, and a life size donkey, and motorize the donkey to bonk him continuously up the bum, inviting neighbours to come down to the basement to watch him get bonked up the ass, while asking them to kick him in the head as much as they want.
errr….
not quite sure how to respond to that…
Easier said than done…but rather than let the anger fester, let this experience serve as a life lesson on what kind of person to NOT be and what kind of father to NOT be to your own children. You can’t change what happened, and holding on to the past can prevent you from moving forward onto the future. You CAN choose to move on. My husband went through the same thing when he was a kid and he chose to let it go and move on.

On Topic –> Asylum

It’s a good thing you were fortunate enough not to get stabbed or shot if you made a point of going out and picking fights with people.
Grab a good cup of coffee and read this story.

Now i know people who’ve been thru the things that you have been thru aren’t very accepting of things. What you have to accept tho is that the years of abuse has totally mindfucked you. I shit you not when i say that this is probably going to take a lifetime if not longer to restore the emotional devestation + countless of theraphy and anger managment sessions, due to that shit education of that father of yours, its therefore at the root were we need to start.

All children immitate their parents,

wether or not we agree with our parents its their examples that we take into adulthood and practise, in this case you are practising your fathers violence on to people. That you recognize this violence is a good start.

All children seek love and aknowledgement of their existance at their parents. When this need is answered with violence and abuse, the child is most likely to grow up as a agressive and violent person ,and viola you are the result.

Its an unacceptable result of course, one cannot live happy with an extreme amount of violence in their mind.

My advice to you is to become a shaolin fighting monk, who practises Bhuddism. You don’t have to believe a word of it, that’s not the point. The point is that you will learn how to channel your anger and use that angry energy and transfer it into doing positive things.
Tip one: don’t live in the past.

Tip two: Make sure that you never become the person your dad was. You saw what he did to you. End the cycle of abuse. You know enough about yourself but how others live to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Tip three: stop the thuggery before you get killed by someone who hates life as much as you do.

I have a cousin who grew up in an abusive household and then dated abusive people. She finally knows enough not to get into that shit and can avoid it. Her problem is meeting other assorted scumbags and finding love in all the wrong places but that’s another story…

You really should consider counseling.. you have some serious anger management problems that can very well get you in jail for many years if you break someone’s neck or something along those lines. Or you may get killed, who knows. You need to stop. Normal people don’t beat others around, that includes siblings or chick’s boyfriends.

Then join a gym or a boxing club and beat the shit out of machinery and other people in a competitive but controlled environment. At least then you’ll get some of that pent up energy out of your system.

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-had a kidney trasnplant at 26, he’s 54 now
-2 years went into a coma, turned out to be liver failure (probably from the rejection meds, he’s not a drug/alcohol user)
-now is trying to get on the liver/kidney transplant list at UCLA
-is in the hospital about 4 times a year with the liver problems, which is extreme confusion/depression
-has lost 50 lbs over this time

Now he is in the hospital again and it’s worse this time and looks like he may not leave. It has been 5 days, which is usually about the time he gets out. His confusion is better, but his kidney function is bad. He has one test left before the transplant team makes their decision on his transplant…it’s an angiogram where they need to use contrast fluid, this could throw his into total kidney failure and he would need to be on dialysis…not sure of the effect on the liver. They are probably just going to end up doing the test because his liver only has a few months left as well as his kidney before he passes anyway, so the transplant is his only hope, so hopefully the test won’t do too much damage. Also, he’s getting a blood transfusion today because his white blood count is low.

Problem is that now he has really lost his will to live. Before he was so excited about the transplant and talking about going back to school to be a paralegal, and fixing up his car. It breaks my heart and we’ve tried to talk to him and say that he’s young and we need him still and my sister is only 19 and his mom lives with my parents, but he says we hate him, etc etc.

I really don’t know what to do, at all. On top of all of this, on the way to the hospital on Monday my mom flipped her car 3 times and totaled it. Luckily she is totally fine besides a few bruises, but obviously shaken up and very worried about eventually telling my dad about it.

ok sorry, that was a shitty summary, but it’s so complicated.
It sounds like he wants to live, but because hes been down this road soooooooooooo many times before its tough for him. He needs you to support him while hes goes through this even harder time. Just try to cheer him up and be on his side. Hopefully the docs will decide he does need the transplant soon.
Fuck Calisteph, I’m am so sorry What’s the best way we can support you through this?

pm me or aim me if you want to talk

Thanks, but I’m really more worried about him right now. He’s become really depressed/angry. He’s mad at us for not letting him go home. We tell him he needs another test to get on the list and he says he doesn’t care and he wants to go home and die.

I mean, it is hard on me. I’ve always been really close to my dad and I just can’t imagine my life without him in it, but right now I barely think of that, because I’m more worried about his mental status than my own.
You said he wanted to fix up his car. Maybe you can take a pic of it and bring it in for him to keep by his bedside. Getting excited about a passion and give him some motivation and drive. He’s way too young to be giving up.
I understand.

The last time my mom was diagnosed with cancer she decided after a few weeks of treatment that she wanted to stop all treatments and just come home to die. It was the most horrifying month of my life. I was too afraid to move- I would literally laid in bed for days.. not talking to anyone, not leaving my apt, just letting the days slip by. I felt like if I even breathed too deeply I would shatter into a million little pieces. I would beg her to keep trying- telling her my brothers and I needed her, that there was so much we didn’t know, how could we go on without her? It was excruciating. Just thinking about it actually became physically painful.

I don’t know if she really wanted to die or not, but after a very intense fight between her, my dad and my brothers, she started treatment again. I can’t even imagine enduring that for an extended period of time the way you have. You are very strong. I’m so sorry that you and your family have to live in that pain and fear everyday.

I never wanted to talk about it when it was happening either- I was far too worried about my mom and I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it anyway. However, if you happen to change your mind, we’re here to support you.
You can’t give up on your dad and you absolutely have to stay strong. Yeah I know I may sound like the typical person, but unfortunately I’ve been down that road with dealing with a sick parent. My mom was very sick. She had scleroderma, where basically it’s an auto immune disease that affects your internal organs and your body starts to slowly shut down. Last year starting in March all the way through August she went into the hospital 5 times. (Had open heart surgery, had a stent inserted, went through multiple x rays, angiograms, was hooked up to a ventilator for 2 weeks, etc.) She fought with my dad and me screaming that she doesn’t want to take her medications, that she’s sick and tired of all this shit and that she just wants to die. Everytime she went into the hospital, no one could do anything for her so she got sick of it all. She kicked the doctors and nurses out of her room, refused treatment, etc. How did I deal with all of this? I don’t know… I didn’t give up though. As much as I wanted to lash out on her and call her a selfish person I didn’t. I tried my very hardest to stay strong, to be by her bedside and talk to her even though she was unconcious encouraging her to hold on. Give your dad a reason to live. Tell him your future plans or what you guys could do together when he gets out. Bring him some stuff from home..pictures of his car, of his family, etc. Take breaks…walk out of his room and take a deep breath if he’s being really hard to deal with. Think of what you would want people to do if you were in his shoes. You need to also prepare yourself for the worse. Well you can’t actually prepare, but still, I think you know what I mean. I’m saying this from experience because unfortunately my mom didn’t make it through. At least I know that she isn’t suffering anymore and that’s the only thing that will keep me going. This is the best advice that I can personally give you. If you have any questions about anything let me know and please keep us updated.
The only thing I have to say is don’t tell your Dad about the car accident unless you are forced into it.
Your Dad has enough problems right now.

If the insurance company needs his signature then you tell him. When he comes home from the hospital then you tell him.
But for the exact moment.
Leave it be.

Good luck. Be strong.

No it wasn’t shitty at all.

I’m so sorry that you and you’re family are going through this right now.

I know, first hand, the frustration that comes from having a loved one that has lost their will to live. My dad went through a time like this yet he lived for 2 more years!! See my dad found my brother, after my brother had committed suicide (pistol to the head). It broke my dad emotionally and he just couldn’t go on. He didn’t want to….life was too difficult…..yet he lived for 2 more years.

I had to watch him go from being a normal, healthy man to someone who I couldn’t even have a conversation with. It was awful and I felt so powerless to help. I literally didn’t know what to say or do to snap him out of the funk he was in. It was so hard to not just rage at him.

If I had it to do over again, I would be much more pro-active in helping him deal with stuff. I would take get him doing some things like mild exercise. I would also add humor….a LOT MORE humor. I’d prolly take him on easy walks or even riding bikes. I would rent really funny movies that he used to like and just watch them when we’re together. I’d play more music he liked in the house. I’d tell him more…..that I love him and that I’m here for him.

Sadly tho, I can’t do those things because less than 2 years after my bro died, my dad died. That’s been 21 years ago and now, I’m much more assertive with those I care about. I did the best I could at the time but I now know, I could have done so much more. I just wanted God to fix him…I also didn’t realize how depressed he was. I mean I kinda knew but I didn’t accept it. I really just thought he would get better. If I had any idea that it might lead to his death, I would have done soo much more.

I don’t know if that helps or not but hang in there and I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.
update:

he’s a lot better mentally now. He wants the transplant, wants to live, tells me he loves me when I leave and is generally in a way better mood.

they’re doing the last test on Monday probably. Obviously it’s good that we’re moving forward, but now I’m so scared that he won’t pass or something and I’m just worrying about stupid things, like even if he does pass what if something happens during the transplant.

Uh…he’s been sick for so long, but when he was stable, but terminal, I could just put it in the back of my mind. Now it’s good because we were being proactive about fixing the problems, but obviously all the procedures are very dangerous.
Thanks for the update! I’m glad to hear your father is doing better Keep us updated as new news comes in and try to take care of yourself too
Yeah I’m also glad for the update and will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Hang in there.
So my grandpa went in a few weeks ago for surgery on his bladder and yesterday at his follow-up appointment the doctor confirmed he has prostate cancer.

seriously… I don’t think it’s possible for a family to have more bad luck this week.

there really isnt anything we can say at this point. it’s just one of those things that you have to deal with. the similar feeling that everyone has is that you want to take some of the pain…as you feel guilty that they have to go through this alone. it will get better over time, but during this time, just focus on being there for them. when people go through stuff like this they tend to become really isolated and want to be left alone. the truth is that this is when they need support…even if they act like they dont want it, they need it badly!

good luck to you!
update:

He had his angiogram (heart test) and it came out pretty good except I guess one side of his heart doesn’t pump as hard as they would like. I’m really crossing my fingers that this doesn’t exclude him from getting on the transplant list. Still no word on the effect on his kidneys or whether he’ll need dialysis.

He was super upbeat for a few days and now he’s back down in the dumps. He cries a lot and says he doesn’t know how much longer he can take being in the hospital. I just try to hug him and say the DRs are trying to take care of him and then I ask him what he’s going to do when he gets out.
update:

the heart test excluded him from being able to get a transplant.

I’m kinda just in shock right about now.

I’m certain that this means more to him than he could ever express to you. He’s lucky to have a loving daughter like you to help him. We should all be so lucky.

I’m sorry to hear that his test excludes him from the transplant list.

I’m not sure if this will help but one never knows. A while back I found a doctor that has scientifically been able to prove the reversal of heart disease. His research spans decades and he has documented many success stories. Here’s one of his books….I hope it helps.

Thanks for the rec…he’s going to the cardiologist soon to see if anything can be fixed to make hims eligible. The book doesn’t look like it really applies to him, b/c his arteries are clear and cholesterol is low…it’s to do with an irregular heartbeat and the way his blood pumps.
Oh ok…well perhaps you’re right. It might not be the best book. However, you can prolly find it at the library for free, if you’re interested.

I hope your dad feels better soon.
aww so update time

my mom had gotten that news from the UCLA transplant lady, who is "miss doom and gloom." When she got the written statement from them, it said he was denied because of his cardiac status that could be corrected with diarisis (sp), which means he has fluid around his heart and he needs either water pills or dialysis, which is VERY correctable.

Not nearly as bad as the woman made it out to be to my mom. And although I know my mom to be a drama queen, I’ve also meet the woman, and she is a downer.

So my dad has an appt with his primary and his kidney MD early next week, do onward!! And his spirits are much better with this news!
That’s AWESOME!! I’m really happy for you and your family.

Thanks for the update.
UPDATE:

my dad got on the transplant list!! Now he just has to get financial approval before he’s officially on the list and then as soon as all his numbers line up he’ll get a transplant!!

yay!

Congrats Steph! Hope it all works out for the best, you and your family are in my thoughts.
I hope things work out for your dad. I can’t even imagine the thought of losing one of my parents. Please keep us updated.
For those of you who don’t venture into the main I figured I would post an update in here as well.

main forum thread:

My dad had a cardiac arrest and a major heart attack on Thursday and Yesterday (Friday) we pulled the plug, as he had no brain function and was in a deep coma.

I’d like to thank you guys for all of your words of encouragement in this thread. I really wished things would have turned out differently, but he was a very sick man.
Aww I’m sorry to hear this.

You and your family will still be in my prayers.
i’m so very sorry for your loss.

you and your family will be in my thoughts.
I’m sorry

Much respect to him.

G
My prayers are with you, your family and your dad. I’m so so sorry for your loss

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Aside from that, I have no family to speak of. I’m an only child, my mom hasn’t spoken with her family in years because of a family squabble, and I’ve never been close with my dad’s family, even when he was alive. I don’t have any friends, most are just casual friends at best. Not married, no girlfriend, no kids. I do have a fulltime job in the finance/accounting field, make ok money, nothing great. I have feelings for a woman I know, but she is in a very long term relationship, and views me as just a friend. It’s hard to meet other women, because of my living situation.

The last couple months, I just feel like packing it in and eating a bullet. My whole life feels empty, and I have no real reason to keep on going. I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and if this is all that is left, then I want out.
Not meeting other women because of your living situation is a copout. If you are comfortable with your situation you should have no issues meeting and wooing women.

Sounds like you aren’t actually trying anything new, just being pessimistic about your life and situation and wondering why nothing is changing on its own. Friends and lovers don’t just fall into your lap.

I have been saving for a house, but I’m not sure it’s going to be possible given my mom’s medical issues. Even if I am ok with it (which I’m not sure that I am) most women my age are not ok with it.

Well what are you basing that off of? How many girls have you dated or told that you live at home (for your obvious understandable reason) and had them tell you that was unattractive or leave you because of it?

Or are you just assuming?

Not assuming it. Had a couple dump me because of it. Has pretty much made me stop trying, because I know what is going to happen eventually.

How many girls? And how long did you date?

You actually explained the whole reason and they dumped you just for that? How did they explain it?

3 total. The longest was about a year. Yes I explained why, and was told they couldn’t get over it, and they didn’t like the fact they couldn’t come and go from the house and that I wasn’t alone here.
Ford! I’ve been thinking about you a lot in the past year and a 1/2… wondering what happened with you and your then gf and the car you gave her.. then when your dad passed away..

I’m sorry life seems to have flipped you over and dropped you on your head. Life seems to be going so well and then bam! Nothing is like it once was. And that is some serious bullshit to deal with.

I can’t give you a reason as to why you should go on. I think everyone’s reason is different. But I do know that you were once happy and excited about the possibilities the future held for you- and I think you can find your way back to happy. Have faith! And if the best you can do some days is put one foot in front of the other and trudge on, then so be it. But don’t give up. Not yet. Even the shitty times don’t last forever.

My prayers are with you and your family Ford. Hang in there, Ace.
Well going by experience i know that alcohol can destroy ‘generations’ and its negative effect goes down onto children, and maby as far or further then 4 generations down the line in terms of damage that it does, and that’s not overexaggerated. What is left is this huge black hole off negativity and a trail of carnage that the alcoholic has left into his/her family.

So what to do?

Your father is dead, so the person who caused the abuse and negativity is no longer there.Knowing that negativity leads to nowhere, and with no more negativity being put into the situation,( but still being left with the traces of disaster),you can do two things, cry over the ruins or start rebuilding your life, i advice you to rebuild the ruins and start cleaning up your life.

Is there anyway you can end the quarrel your mom has with the rest of the family? What is it about anyway>?

Second you need to set some goals in your life that will make your life go forward. So far you only had a godawfull wrong example of that father of your who’s alcohol abuse only made his life go around in circles, it made his life go nowhere, so you need to steer clear from that and do things that bring you to somewhere, namely things that give a better life for you and your mom. Establishing new contact between the family and you two would therefore be nice as it would increase social contact.

Now for social contacts one would usually suggest to goto clubs n bars, but seeing how prone your dad was to alcohol id suggest to steer away from alcohol in total as you might be prone as wel to addiction that you’d never be able to release yourself from, and that would be the last thing desirable.

What is your hobby? I know chess or computerclub might sound a little cheesy, but if you could goto one you could at least increase your social contact a bit, even if it was just a bit its better then nothing.

Social contacts are a continues investment of time/effort and you must see how much you are willing to spend on it, in order to gain the contacts that you require. Maby there are also places that you could bring your mom along too, although i do not know how serious her condition is, if its still do-able to go outside and take her to certain places, even if it was just for a park stroll. Id give it a go, as it would give her as wel as you a nice breather going outside, instead of staying inside too long.

Hang on ,even tho its hard.

That wouldn’t help your mom much. If you’ve even thought about that why not move out and try to help your mom as much as you can…better than leaving her with no one right?

Yes, my life has pretty much done to complete dog shit. The gf I gave the car to, she’s 8 months pregnant. Turns out, she was fucking some guy she works with, baby could be mine, might not be. I don’t know, and neither does she. She seems pretty intent on making sure it’s the other guys though, we no longer speak at all.

I don’t drink, at all. After living a life of complete hell for the first 24 years of my life, thanks to an alcoholic, I have zero interest in drinking. I know it sounds fucked up, buy in many ways my dad’s passing gave me a chance to be free, and a shot at a normal life. On the other hand, it’s also caused a very large responsibility to be placed on my shoulders (my mom). My mom has advanced diabetes, she can’t drive anymore because it’s caused major vision problems, and she has trouble walking distances more than a 6-10 feet at a time because of the circulation problems it caused. She can’t even walk though a store, for example, without having to sit multiple times. There has been several instances where she has collapsed at home, while I was there, and once while I was at work. That is the reason I doubt living on her own would be possible.

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Anyway, that’s all fine and good to be to be honest. I can deal with that type of bullshit because it’s better than the other option of being medicated all of the time. That is, until it got into my sex life. When I’m with certain people, I get hard as a rock and I’m great in bed. Generally (this is amateur by the way) these girls tend to be Type-B quiet personalities. However, I am with a girl now that I’m actually really really into..and that’s the first time in a while I can actually say that. The first time we got physical we were able to have sex, but it was bad because it was on the beach and sandy and quick because there were people close by . The second time I had the house all to myself with her. It was going to be an amazing night right?

She starts rubbing my dick – Rock hard
Blowing me – rock hard
She wants me to put it inside her – I instantly go limp.

I just had this crazy anxious experience and adrenaline rushed through me and I became too soft to have sex. It was so embarrassing.

Two days after, I try again and get soft again THE SECOND she goes for penetration.

Later that night, I call her BACK over because it was killing me inside. I actually get hard enough to get inside of her and we go for a good 3 minutes…until I decide to pull out and take my pants all the way off and I lose my erection AGAIN.

I KNOW this is not physical, because I had a girl for the past month and I was rock hard everytime, never an erection problem. I just can’t do it with this new girl, and i just know if I keep fucking up like this, I’m going to lose her. She’s a great girl, but this is pathetic, I don’t blame her for getting frustrated. What the hell can I do? Should I just find a viagra sample and take it so once I get a good go with her I won’t be anxious anymore. A Xanax? I told her about the anxiety thing so that was weight off of my shouders but it still couldn’t get me hard. I feel absolutely helpless. I know eventually I’ll need therapy, but in the mean time i need a short term plan because i CANT FUCK THIS UP oops and i also need to add that I have had this problem before, I don’t remember if I said that.But It always seems to be with one night stands and stuff.
So Panic attacks are affecting you to the point that you have to run away when eating a meal and you can’t have sex. And you don’t think you need to see a doctor? It’s totally your choice, however you sound like you need help you may as well get it as soon as you can.
An honest answer that may seem a little flip – you might think about weed or a glass or two of wine (unless you have a demon in that regard).

You might also try giving her an orgasm first before penetration – It can take some of the performance anxiety out of the equation.
He can’t have a meal without having a panic attack, you might be able to give solutions for the one issue, however the bigger issue is still there and needs addressing.
Ok, I had a short bout with the panic attack thing and now that I’m being more in control I’ve been able to diminish them over time. I was just looking to help with the single issue…
Sorry if I came across as rude I am only going by what he provided, if it affects him as much as he said, and he even suspects that he is going to need professional help eventually then why put it off?
Okay, you’ve given me a lot of help and so here goes. I am an old hand with panic attacks, have been having them for about fourteen years, thought I was going crazy at first.

What you have been doing with yourself is associating your panic feeling with one single thing. I used to do it when I was driving. Eventually I could not drive at night because as soon as I got behind the wheel I thought I was having a heart attack, had all these awful feelings.

See, my inexpert understanding of panic attacks is that once you have one, you start to associate that horrid feeling with whatever you were doing at the time. Every time you once again have a panic attack while doing that activity, you reinforce that connection. It’s a feedback loop…you do it, you have a panic attack, you start worrying, you do it again, you have panic attack, and it’s near inevitable that the cycle will continue.

This goes nearly triple with sex, since it’s such an emotional thing anyway. Very easily reinforced, and harder to get over than my being behind the wheel.

You need to break that cycle somehow. One way is to have sex differently. Don’t focus on your erection. Stop being so hard on yourself if you don’t have one. Tell her that you’re just going to focus on her for hours, and if you get an erection, fine, if not, fine. This would be a matter of total indifference to you.

Perhaps having a few drinks would help, but sometimes that makes erections more difficult, so I wouldn’t if I were you

That’s my advice. Go about it differently, stop putting pressure on yourself, and above all break this cycle. I swear to you that you are perfectly healthy and this is no more than a mental trick you’ve done to yourself
See if you can find this pill for sale somewhere: "Rize 2 The Occasion". I’ve bought mine at some sex shop but have seen them for sale at gas stations for way cheaper. Basically I was having the same problem as you, I guess I had some anxiety with this girl and would go limp after a few minutes. Finally decided to try something new and thats when we found this pill. It took me a few days to actually try it, I was a bit hesitant at first. The way this works is you don’t have a raging hardon for 24 hrs. but instead once you start getting intimate BAM say hello to Mr. Hardy.. lol. Anyways I’m glad I tried it cause otherwise she would’ve probably stopped seeing me.

That’s probably a placebo… Have you found yourself relying on those pills everytime you want to have sex?
An honest answer that may seem a little flip – you might think about weed or a glass or two of wine (unless you have a demon in that regard).

You might also try giving her an orgasm first before penetration – It can take some of the performance anxiety out of the equation.
WORST ADVICE EVER

never treat anxiety with illegal drugs or alcohol. wtf kind of advice is that?

go to a therapist, get to the bottom of it, and as a last resort, maybe, try some xanax or something. i would stay away from anti depression meds and anti anxiety meds, and i would CERTAINLY stay the hell away from illegal drugs and alcohol.
No, but for the duration of over 24 hrs (almost 48) i found it very difficult to piss w/out getting an erection.

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