Anyway, her co-workers kept telling her that her and I were going to hook up on vacation and kept asking her how her bf felt about the situation with her going with another guy on vacation.

Anyway, she offered everything to the guy…. and told him that "We have been friends for 3 years, if something hasn’t happened by now.. nothing will happen" (I am a little annoyed at this comment, as I never really got that fair chance in those 3 years but whatever) She told him we can all get together and meet and then she told him that he can come with us too. He rejected both things with her.

Now, we went on vacation and her and I had fun. No, we didn’t hook up, because I honestly am too respectful of a girl when she has a bf and just know that terrority I don’t get into. While on vacation, he was calling her 3 times a day for 4 days straight. And he kept asking her "Did you have sex with him yet?" to which she was just getting annoyed at that.

Anyway, vacation came and went. A week later, tried shooting her a quick text and not a response. Ok, people are busy… The following week, called her, she didn’t pick up (called out of boredom really while driving home). The following week after that, I just shot a quick "what’s up" e-mail. The next day, she deleted me as a friend from Facebook and deleted any mutual friends of ours and just never responded. She has yet to block me on AIM. Should I assume her bf told her to stay away from me… and also, should I approach her about this or chalk this up to a "lost friend" without me doing anything wrong at all. I kind of want an explaination… and I am thinking about sending her a message in a few weeks when I am planning a party (facebook invites) saying "Oh, hey, I was looking to invite you but I noticed you deleted me as your friend.. what’s up with that?"

Some people say I should confront her, but majority tell me to just leave her alone and let her figure out that her controlling/jealous/possesive bf has just caused our friendship to go down the drain for no reason at all….
Just give her the time and space to figure it out on her own. It’s not worth possibly causing a fight between her and her bf. Besides, if you push it, you’ll just be convincing the insecure bf that you do want to pursue her.
I personally wouldn’t go on a vacation with a girl if it were just me and her and she had a bf already. I’d be pissed if I were the bf too.
Why the hell didn’t you make a move while she was single? You messed up by trying to wait for your opportunity on that vacation.
I’d go meet her face-to-face and say "what the fuck?" and make her explain that her boyfriend is too controlling to let her have a life.
and I’m willing to bet her boyfriend has female friends he’s not willing to dump.

Mmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm.
I don’t understand why you are bothering talking to this girl. She obviously doesn’t see you as anything other than a friend. Leave her alone. Go your own way.
I’d break her the fuck up with that guy … well … get a girl friend to do it. Hehehe. She can’t be happy with a dude who blows up on her & causes her to disassociate w/good friends.
It’s possible that her bf logged into her account and deleted you.

The vacation was planned BEFORE she had the bf. She made that clear to the bf too. Neither of us wanted to lose money as we were not getting a refund and could not transfer over our plane tickets to someone else (well, without major hassle)

Where, did it say anywhere I wanted to make a move? I didn’t… she had way too much baggage (abusive, psycho ex-bf… booty calls from marines… threw herself at a guy and disappeared with him at a club when she came out with me and my friends, etc.)

Apparently, he has "no friends" as he just moved to the area.
He also went or is going to vegas with his friends from his home state for a bachelor party to Vegas and assured my friend that he wasn’t getting any strippers or hookers… and she believed him.

That is the thought I had actually… the only thing that made sense to me, being that she did not block me on AIM… but still doesn’t explain why she has ignored a phone call, text & e-mail from me.

like a typical, dumb girl.. she thought it was "sweet" that he was showing that he cared by being like that.

.

Your wasting your time and effort. Move on to something better.

Begging your pardon? Girl here … Haha.

She’s just "giving him a chance" because she doesn’t know better. Guys do it with psychobitches, too, so it’s not just a unilateral prob.

Dude … maybe you should just ditch her ass. Looks like you’re maybe pretty protective of her. You’re going to hurt yourself by feeling obligated to help her.

If she’s the usual thickheaded sort without a decent preconception of what a good relationship should be she’s going to go through hell learning how not to do it … & maybe fail to even learn what’s good for her in the long run.

Give her the tough love or run.

oh crap

Sorry, I mean like a typical "dumb" girl.. wasn’t directed at all girls (there are some good ones out there, unfortunately those are the ones that don’t want to date me)

Anyway, just an update… just saw her away message and something was up, saw her facebook and she no longer has a picture of her and the guy and is no longer friends with him either…. again, I was right. I guess I’ll wait for her to approach me and explain herself.
If she’s a good friend of yours, you should confront her and see if she’s happy with the insecure bf. You deserve an explanation. I know you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes but if she’s a really good friend and you care about her, you might want to contact her and talk.

what’s to confront? You’ve got your answer loud and clear.

And if she wanted to date you, she would’ve when she was free.
You would’ve been that guy that she had sex within a few weeks of dating.

Instead, you got your walking papers.

Just let it go at that.

Once again, I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO DATE HER.
Why is everyone assuming this?
All I said is that she made a comment, I got annoyed at the comment because of the way it was worded.. made me feel like I never had a fair chance. I never said I would or wanted to date her.

You wouldn’t be making this thread if you weren’t interested in her.

Move on. She will never really want a fulfilling relationship with you.

Ok, let me make this clear.. I am not interested in her. her face is too fat, she is a little chubby…. and she had herpes. I just hate losing friends over stupid things.

Well it sounds like she doesn’t want to be your friend. So suck it up and leave her the fuck alone. Get over yourself, stop trying to figure things out. Right now she has a bf who is probably pissed at her and the more you try to contact her the more pathetic and annoying you come off to her.

she did you a favor. You’re friendzoned and don’t realize it. Maybe now that she’s cut you out of her life, you’ll figure it out and move on

but to be fair, he was friendzoned anyways, and it wasn’t going to happemn

where you said that you felt you never got a proper shot to become her boyfriend

This is the most blatant point where you demonstrate you wanted to date her, although the entire post screams that to those of us who know the signs

Dope. Learning curve could use improvement. That comes with time.

exactly. the fact that you care so much about this shows what you are really thinking.

Whenever my friends that are girls hook up with a guy, I understand that I will probably be seeing her less if at all…. Hell this is true even with my guy friends. I don’t see why you are having such a hard time with this… it happens all the time and will happen again.

Obviously she is or she wouldn’t be with him.

Most likely her and her boyfriend got into a huge fight over this vacation after you she got back, and it was a pretty big enough fight to realize that she had to make a decision. She’s obviously choosing her BF over you. How does that make you feel? Angry? Good. It’ll be enough motive for you to put her in your past and start looking forward. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s the reality of it. And personally, when she comes back around (which she will), she deserves the cold shoulder, and I hope you give it to her… But of course, that is something up to you.

She obviously doesn’t think that highly of him as a friend if she’s doing this to him. That should be a huge hint. A big enough hint to turn your back and move forward, never bothering to look back at her.
you did nothing wrong.
the girl seems to be an attention whore and doesnt know when to stop.
she shouldnt have went on the vacation with you. her bf did nothing wrong, if my girl went on a vacation with a friend(even if they are friends for 10 years), i still trip out.
its a very clear line here and she crossed it.

you on the other hand, my friend, is too nice and stupid. you shouldve canceled the vacation when she found a bf.

just forget about her, and dont see her as a friend at all. she didnt even have the guts to tell you whats up then why even borther?

Agree with most of the above except the part where he’s said to have done no wrong. It would have been a lot easier on her if he had cancelled the trip with her. She didn’t want to come off as the subservient gf who cold shoulders her male friends after she had a bf, so she wouldn’t have cancelled it. it was upto him to do the honourable thing. He screwed it up himself by going ahead with the trip.

wat
Everything I read in there came off to me like you wanted something to happen on this vacation before that guy came into the picture.

Sounds to me like she isn’tworth your time, so don’t waste it.
Just an update… because it was bugging me so damn much, I decided to go out on a whim and IM her. It was kind of a quick "hello" and asked her how she was doing and told her I haven’t heard from her in a while so I wanted to see if things were ok….

then I made mention I noticed we were no longer friends on facebook and asked her if I did or said something bad or if she was annoyed at me for something… no response, so I said "call me or something, sometime soon" and I’m leaving it at that. I made my one last attempt. Obviously this girl made up some stupid shit in her head about me and now is avoiding me without reason, and I don’t care any more.

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-aced my oral exams
-loving the hell out of the car I just bought as I sell the other one. it feels good to have a car that’s actually fairly reliable and didn’t have to be a Honda/Toyota.
-looking forward to another good weekend
-reassigned to a family practice clinic for a few weeks, totally laid back compared to the hospital.

your turn… ready, GO
I actually think your post is the first in its kind in here.But I guess its good to have a positive thread, just write it down your problems as well ,anything still needs to be fixed in your life?.

-Got a ~33% raise not too long ago.
-Moved in with my GF and things are going well.
-Parents moved out to the west coast so I get to spend time with them.
-Was going to sell my car, but realized how much I love it and want to keep it. (02 WRX)
-New couches coming this month
-haven’t taken a "vacation" in over 10 years, planning a 2 week vacation in january to go snowboarding

Umm thats everything off the top of my head
- Did well on 2 of my 3 exams the first month of school
- Dad helped me out financially so I don’t have to work 40 hours and do school full-time, I’ve only gotta do about 20 now, which leaves me tons of time to study
- Health is actually really good compared to how rough it’s been over the summer
- I’ve learned to cook; it’s not saved me much money, but it’s a lot more fun to eat something you actually made
- Comfortable with myself finally. I wanted to drop some weight but decided school needs to be my focus and when I graduate in May, I can work on that. I’m not by any means fat, but I’ve got some to lose.
I’m about 3-4 months away from finally being debt free… then I can continue on with my life and start having fun again.
I needed this thread!

Just got my college degree!
I have an amazing supportive family, especially my mom, who’s my best friend
Just started going out with my buds again, as well as meeting a lot of new people.
Getting Healthy, finally cut down on my junk food and eating a lot healthier and lost weight!
Also started running, my goal is to run the Rock n Roll marathon in may

Y’see folks, this is why I need to graduate!

32 hours of clinical + 14 hours of lecture + all the time needed to read books + the time needed to complete projects/do research.

I could cut all that out and spend 3 hours a day in a gym 5 days a week, running every day, and still not come close to being as time-consumed as college requires.

I thought there was a thread like this sometime in the last year… lol. Anyway, plenty of stuff to fix. But nothing I’m not fervently working on. Physical fitness, self confidence, mental aptitude in my work, friendlier demeanor, some credit card debt etc.

A lot of it started to fix up when I started my program over the summer. Some examples… it took a pretty serious threat from the chair of my program to fix years of attendance problems (going back to high school and junior high, even), and less serious but eye-opening feedback from my clinical coordinator about my shyness on rotations translating to laziness. Gone, just like that, and it’s starting to radiate to other parts of my life.

(I figured this stuff belonged in its own thread, though.)

I’m toying with the idea of doing a distance bike ride from here to St. Louis… about 90-100 miles
Although I have a lot of bad stuff going on right now…

-I have plenty of money for the first time in my life
-I’m defending my thesis in the spring
-I’ve networked my way into a few contacts at my dream job
-Since Im newly single ive noticed that quite a few girls I know are asking to hang out with me
off the top of my head:

-finances are in order
-loving my new car
-loving my new phone
-my trip to europe is only month away
-things are looking well for my new career, which will hopefully begin in december
-until then, current job is dandy
-still enjoy having my own place
-good friends that i see/talk to often
-supportive and loving family
-in good shape and my distance running is coming along nicely
-no drama in my life (get my fix from "the hills" )
-it’s fall, so my favorite shows are back on, as are college football and basketball soon enough

all in all, it’s been a great year for me and the future looks bright

i’m assuming you’re talking about the rock ‘n’ roll marathon in san diego? i ran that in 2006, and it was a hell of a lot of fun!

you didn’t ask, but make sure your practice runs include hills. the course included a ton of interstate ramps, etc, and was a little for me and the group i was with. then again, we all came from orlando, and it’s relatively flat around here.

Yeap, In San Diego. I was actually avoiding hills in my runs because I hate them lol, they make me want to stop . Hopefully running with a friend will help me with those dam mountains.

I always start things and never finish. I going to freaking run that marathon.
1. I have a loving family that I still talk to daily.
2. I have a clean bill of health
3. I have food on the table
4. I have money in the bank
5. I have a loving girlfriend
6. I have a roof over my head.

these are the things that are going well for me.
1) Completely Financially independent from my family at the age of 19, all while in college.
2) Loving BF that cares about me and I care about him.
3) Getting an apartment together in December with him.
4) Have a car that I absolutely love.
5) Have a lot of good friends in my life who I know will always be there for me no matter what. True friends.
6) I’m healthy AFAIK.
7) Finally no longer a super skinny bitch, gained some muscle and size and now can defend myself if the occasion arises.
pretty laid back going to school now
work is more fun but there is more to do, which means i have to work harder
becoming more social
having some fun i guess

could be better
- I have a wonderful boyfriend, family, and friends.
- I am healthy.
- I have a roof over my head, and will be moving to a new apartment soon.
- I’m not dirt broke….yet.

By the way, this thread was a good idea. I’ve been stressing out about stuff lately, so this helps me think more positive.
Well I got a good job, making more than I have ever made in my life,
I’m living in a nice large city(Charlotte) and i’m truly happy here other than not knowing anyone…
My ex(?) is not being a bitch about child support.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me with my problems.
I’m trying asses the damage of all the crap that has gone on the last 3 years and am trying to fix it?

thats all thats good..the rest is shit..

Gray
-istill have my job
-got my own vehicle(new)
-live with roommates
-visited Europe(not yet im leaving on 10/16)
I love these threads. I haven’t seen on in a while.

Let’s see, things going well…

I have an SO who is really supportive and kind. I’d be really lost right now if I didn’t have that kind of love in my life.

I have a car. And while its an 11 year old junker, it was a gift that was given to me at a time when I was in a really tight spot. I’m super grateful for that.

I have a great job that I love and get paid well for. I’m finally able to save some money and take care of a few things, and it feels great.

It’s fall I love fall. Almost time to go to the pumpkin patch and the corn maze.
I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my new college surroundings (friends, classes, etc.)
I have an amazing girlfriend that I get to see one or two days out of the week even though we’re 45 minutes apart at school.
I’ve aced every quiz and exam this year to date.
I get to come home soon for Thanksgiving and Winter Break and see my friends that I’ve missed and FINALLY feel the cold and the rain again (yeah, I know, weird, but it makes me happy)
My family is amazing and, even though my mom can stress me out a lot, they’ve really rallied around me and supported me as of late.
I’m celebrating my one year with my gf at Disneyland soon

oh no! believe me, you should at least do a little bit of incline [if you're running on a treadmill].

keep up the good work! don’t stop! believe me… the feeling you get after crossing that finish line is absolutely amazing. you literally feel invincible… at least i did

good job starting now. i started training in late january 2006, and the race was in june 2006.
here are a few of mine…

1) i have an awesome job that i absolutely love & i was recently offered a promotion. after some serious negotiations, i turned it down because i didn’t feel as though i was offered enough money [ie what i feel i am worth]

2) i am communicating 100% better in all types of relationships: work, personal, & romantic [as evident by number 1]

3) i recently received a call about a job offer i had in the works… … i really hope it works out!

4) i have changed a lot over the past 5 months, and i’m totally psyched about that

5) i have amazing friends and family.

6) i am embracing all the changes that are goin on in my life.

7) the past few weekends have been absolutely fabulous!

hehe…I’m also excited about the new fall season of my fave shows. i’m about the final season of ER, tho…
No more school since May (although my new job is exhausting and Im the bitch on the bottom of the food chain)
Electrician at a tire plant (although theres a recession)
Just bought a house on some land (even though its nigger-rigged and Im going to work myself to death)
Have a girlfriend (even though I avoid her)
1)

In fact, I find this thread only more depressing.

It probably could be even worse, but absolutely nothing is going well, and I’ve become so apathetic to that to even care.
Just started development of a commercial property which will be ready next summer. So now I know where I’ll be living likely for the rest of my life. There was talk about moving camp to FL or MD but I’m happy to stay in CA just because it’s less risk. In the meantime I’ll be looking for a part time job because I put all of my money into this.
Oohhh, are we all done with this already?

I’m in a pissy mood, but, I can still think of other things that are going well. I’m rotated over to the orthopedic clinic and my new preceptor is spectacular.

I think one of my classmates is going to introduce me to her roommates to help me get over the last girl, who sort of left me feeling used. It’s funny because I used to think I wouldn’t mind being used sexually, but it’s pretty weaksauce

I’ve been getting close to 100% on my last three written & practical exams.

My bubble wrap costume is a hit
Close to finishing my masters in computer science, specialising in artificial intelligence. Thats about it, the rest of my life is more or less a failure.

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I’m broke. Worst financial situation i’ve ever been in. I don’t get along with my mom for the most part but I live with her and my step dad while in school which, barring me finding a better job soon, means i’ll get done in Feb. of 09. I’m seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in my life on Tuesday.

As i’ve posted in here before, I have anger management issues, they are up and down. When im broke I hate my life, when I have money im happy. Even then I have a short fuse, i’ve gotten in more fights than I ever wanted to get into.

I feel like im depressed right now. Seems like nothing has an effect on me. Florida loses, whatever. My bank goes into negative this past weekend because I was lied to, I got pissed off for an hour and was back to whatever.

I’ve seen people on here talk about leaving the country or whatever to start over and I got to thinking about it. I know someone that lives in Canada and said I could come and live with them. Is a female. I just figured, if I have the chance, i’ll pack up, head to canada no matter how much people claim it sucks, an throw the peace sign to Atlanta and United States as a whole. New phone number, new country, new address, find new friends….start over. Right now i’m in a never ending battle working jobs I hate, being around people that lie to me non stop, friends I don’t actually think care. I just want to hit the re-start button. I’ve also SERIOUSLY considered suicide the past 2 weeks. I have plenty of drugs at my disposal.

So, OG is looking for advice. I think the most excited and happy I get right now, is when I think about leaving everyone and everything behind and starting over.

BTW, Im in school for massage therapy, as I was originally planning on going to college but im in such debt I figure that may be out of the question. I can make money rather quickly anywhere knowing what I know and have been trained so it’s not like it would take me long to make money no matter where I move IMHO.

I’d finish school first.

Secondly, will moving change your circumstances? I know your feeling, as I’ve felt this way before, back when my life was in shambles. The thing is, moving won’t fix anything for you, and can likely increase your problems.

You need to take an inventory of your life, figure out what’s missing, and take steps to address them.

One step at a time, ignore the rest which you can’t do anything about, and before you know it things will be better.

If you have major time sinks, such as WoW or whatnot, I highly recommend quitting them or at least suspending them until things are better.
Finish school and then move. Keep in mind that the things that plague you here probably will anywhere else (esp moving somewhere so similar to the US). But a change in scenery can help.
Nothing puts my mind back on track better than getting out of this place for a bit.

well its not like anything bogs me down.

I work four 10 hour shifts a week monday through thursday.

I have school at night from 7 to 10 tuesday to thursday and clinic 2 times a week on sunday in the afternoon.

Maybe 2….3 times a week I will stay at my best friends apartment 20 minutes from here because we go out on the weekends and he doesnt drive, but his brother usually pays for all the alcohol, gas, or entry fee for me being the most sober of the bunch. I enjoy dancing and doing that sort of thing but now that looks rather dead because the club that I have been going to for a year has changed their DJ around and the music and its just gotten bad. Not many good clubs in Atlanta and im not really a bar guy.

I play NCAA 2009 on XBox 360 maybe 2…3 days at the most…a week for 1,…MAYBE 2 hours a day.

So it’s not like im doing that a lot.

I’ve taken my own anger management "course" multiple times. Each time I feel like im making large improvements but something will eventually happen that sends me back like 3 years. Right now I feel about as hateful as I did 4 years ago when i was near my worst. The only real difference is I can control my temper for the most part, unless you really tick me off.

I’ve gone back and forth with myself for the last 2 years about if I want to stay in Atlanta or not. Don’t like the traffic, don’t like the amount of people moving here, don’t care for the weather and the lack of rain that forces water shortage laws to go in effect. We have the most ridiculous laws on gas/oil that has forced the city into a state of mayhem right now because of the shortages in the city.

Like I said, obviously my temper will follow me. But i’m a bluntly honest and straight forward person. There really isn’t a person I would bite my tongue around at any given time, which hurts me, but at the same time, I really don’t lie to people. But, I feel….or seem….to be a giant target for people to let off their utter bullshit to. I’m also a failure with women lately, 3 dates in a month, 3 failures. This was before my financial crisis this past weekend.

So I just feel as if a complete scenery and state change would do me better. Make new friends, start over. It’s hard to work on my anger management and temper right now because it seems like that is what everyone around my expects. If im being nice to people and im not being an asshole than people think something is wrong with me, I basically resort back to it all because its like thats what people expect out of me. I need new friends, people that expect me to be nice and NOT happy when im an asshole.

but since YOU are going then the problems YOU have are going to go with YOU.

running isn’t going to leave them behind.

fix yourself before you do anything else.

so what did the psych say?
shit i expected. it was actually a social worker, basically the same thing to me except she cant give the drugs i probably need.

she made a good point, dont latch onto the money and live my entire life around it. but its hard when you’re 3 weeks late on a car payment and its getting close to repo time, just lost a job, and dont have money for gas to go look for another job.

i think when i do find a job, ill be alright. hopefully. i need to make a fake server related resume tonight

and as far as me considering suicide last week, she had a interesting way of making me look at my life next time i think like that and her idea works….so far

good luck w/ everything

ill need it
I don’t know why but i have this strange feeling you should try living in France for a while. The people over there are enjoyers of life, although still hard work needs to be done to get your life in order there, i feel you might be a lot more happy in Europe. But anyway for your anger issues i would try the second thought thing. When your first thought is, ‘i wanna kill that person’, you stop. And then put a second thought ‘negativity leads to nowhere, so why should i get angry? Its useless’ , basically the point is that you push the foot in a conditioned way on the brakes in your brain every time you have an anger attack and turn the right cheek instead of getting into a fight, you’ll steer away from them, just walking away and don’t want to get involved. That’s a much better approuch then what you usually do, namely putting oil on the fire, making things rather more bad then good.

Suicide is not a way how you deal in a mature way with problems. Asking for help as you did now is a better and mature way, anti-depressants are only symptom supressors, and not problem solvers. You want to deal with the root causes of your problems, otherwhise they just keep coming back. Simular counts for going abroad, although it is indeed true that a different location can mean different better/worse oppertunities. You have to understand that your troubles travel along with you, the reason: Its how you approuch things in life that matters. A succesfull approuch is constituated in its behaviour. If i give a smack into the face of a police officer, im bound to get kicked to the ground and arrested. If i cooperate, i will face a better convo and walk away. So its just a silly example to emphasize how one action createds a reaction that is unsuccesful, and in the second one a reaction that is succesful.

Every action has consequenses, you have to make sure that you stay calm and reap positive consequenses for yourself always remember that.

Next is that you shouldn’t rely on people, what love will you think to receive from hugging thorn bushes? Especially when you are in a selfish enviroment, you’d better beware not to automatically accept everybody’s ideas, because big chances are that they are only out there to forfill their own lives, not to seldom at the cost of walking over other people’s dead bodies. Remember trust is something to be earned over time, don’t give it all automatically, let them work for it.
i dont give out trust easily. like i told the social worker, my problem is i have unrealistic expectations from everyone i meet. so im working on that.

the problem im running into now, is this. i already have someone to stay with in canada. room and all.

im in massage therapy school in georgia, i have until february when im planned to graduate.

the issue is these hours are not transferable. even in the province id be staying in, they dont have massage regulations to practice privately, but soon, from my research, they will have a nationwide certification that requires 2000 hours. my training will net me 750 hours. but right now, it doesnt matter. and in georgia you have to renew every so often and so forth and so on.

so a side of me says quit and head to canada now. which i cant do anyways because i dont have the money to even make the drive.

the logical side of me says to stick it out, finish the school (if i can, im so financially fucked i havent made a payment in 3 months). that way if this doesnt work out in canada and i head back to atlanta i have something to fall on. then of course, as im extremely analytical, the other side of me says if i succeed and everythin between us goes well in canada, all that time i spent here at the school and waiting is useless.

and until she told me i can stay with her, i could have moved to california and been happy. i guess i just have this mindset about 20 years of failure in georgia. when im on vacation, im happy. of course i am, its vacation. but its like, the minute i hit the georgia borderline heading back to atlanta, i get hateful again. i dont feel that way if im still in florida or tennessee, but once i hit georgia, angry. its like i know my life full of financial failure, bullshitting friends, etc…etc…is just waiting for me.

its why i want a new place to start over. start clean. talking to her, seems to me i will like canada. right now, my 2 emergency room visits are owning me. my credit is bad. im sick a lot because i cant afford to get extended surgery and shit done on my to fix my sinus problems. in canada, health insurance is dirt ass cheap. cost of living is cheap. right now, it fits what i need and ive never had a problem adapting to new places. like i told her, i can stay at a friends house, i never complain. too noisy? i dont care. too dirty, ill clean the bitch up . my ability to open up to people and make friends is actually a lot easier than you might expect considering some of the threads ive made on here, just right now, ive closed that off because i know i wont be around for much longer.

what do YOU do for your friends that they dont do for you? you always complain about how everyone is fake and shit but is it really them being fake or BSing you or is it your unreasonable expectations??

if you dont call ppl, go see them, talk with them…why would they do the same for you???

i consider us friends but i only hear from you when you need something….but that does not bother me…bc well im here and if u wanna hang out you will call… i invite you over every so often you chose not to come over…so i what to tell you man but moving is a temporary solution to a fucked up problem…

i think by seeing someone is a step in the right direction… good luck and if u wanna talk give me a call…

i call most of my friends when i want to hang out. not a big talker on the phone unless im drunk

like saturday

like with ATL crew, I hate driving some of the lengths i drive to hang out with people when all of ATL crew knows i have little money, but no one is willing to come to a meet ITP or closer to OUR area. Its always that kennessaw area. im willing to come to the next party you throw at your house regardless.

and honestly man, ive wanted to move out of atlanta for the past 4 years like REALLY badly. it goes back and forth, but in reality, i considered moving to florida with some OTers back 4 or so years ago before i was financially fucked.

seems to run in my family

my mom was born in connecticut, ditched it right when she graduated high school, dad left the north when he got done with college, my step dad headed south with no idea of where he was going when he graduated college in ohio.

they both feel like a scene chance is necassary. i havent talked to my dad about it yet because i dont want to talk to him abot it over the phone.

i know im not going to run from my anger issues, that shit will follow me around regardless until i target in on killing as much of it as i can. i realize that 100%. i just want a fresh start. i cant afford my own place here in atlanta. i can’t afford to split rent right now with anyone in atlanta. shit id struggle if i lived with 3 other people right now because of my debt building up.

of course, my debt will follow me, but at the same time, im not going to have to pitch in on rent for a few months up north until i get my feet settled. cost of living is cheaper. their gas is cheaper (for now). i have a better oppurtunity up north to turn my financial situation around as well as work on my attitude away from a city ive disliked being in for as long as i can remember, but BIG time disliked for the past 4 years.

I ask myself though, and im sure everyone does, outside of my family, who in the fuck would honestly miss me when i leave?

my friend ray and his brother, i hear from neither of them for weeks until one of us wants to go to hole in the wall and then ill get a phone call. ill call ray every other week but the convo is short lived as shit. 2 minutes max it seems unless football is on. so ive gone back on texting him only because we dont talk much outside of football and females.

all the people in the club that enjoy seeing my up on stage dancing, i know none of their names, they dont know mind. thats my fault, and theirs because neither of us have put the care into asking. so i dont cry over that, but it leads me back to wondering, if they never saw me again, would they realize i was gone?

i say no, a lot. but once again, i think a lot of it is because i have unrealistic expectations of other people that i NEED to work on. It just seems difficult when i live with people ive wanted to move away from for a year in a city i dont like living in.
.

NP man and i knew that what i said in the thread was kind of harsh but i was being honest with you just like i always have been with you.

no we’re not best friends but we are friends and if you need something or just want to chill i am here for you man.

i got love for ya you ornery bastard. as for this weekend i will know by the end of the day whether or not im going to Alabama for my dads 50th birthday to take him fishing. i will address the post in the asylum when i get to work and have time.

if i end up staying here this weekend ill watch the game with you amanda/ayden permitting.

I am going to post this in the asylum bc i think it shows growth and some insight into your situation and i think the other posters in that sub forum could benefit from knowing what you said in this pm.

seriously.

a change of scenery isn’t always bad but your problems will follow.

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You may ask why don’t I just go out with everyone and go to football games etc. Well honestly I am tired of pretending like I give a fuck about the Gators because I don’t. So since I said I don’t care about the games in this town I sit at home on the weekends.

I haven’t had a drink in a month but I am about to go drink an entire bottle of Jack and pass out on the couch.
Fuck the games….just go to the after parties man..cant go wrong there

I have done that for years…

I just feel like the rest of this state that this town is full of pricks.
Drinking won’t solve anything.

My boyfriend has been gone every weekend for the past 2 months. Just gotta find things that YOU’RE into and that you can do on your own. It’s just 2 days out of the week.. doesn’t warrant getting shitfaced and feeling miserable.
Gainesville sucks balls, still don’t know why you live in that town.

quality advice as ever
To the thread starter, I don’t really see how your disinterest in football completely ruins your weekend?

You have to come to this town to understand. It is 100% controlled by UF and everything is owned by them. They pay for the power and water around here. Controls the Hospital along with their own fucking middle and high school. Own just about all the land. Oh and who pays for them to pay for this. The rest of Florida, HAHAHAHA…

I have such a bad hang over…

He knows what I mean, he knows me. Gainesville is a football town and a football town only. If you aren’t at a game there is literally nothing to do there. Hence,

Have you looked into transferring to Ohio yet man?

Yeah I pretty much just need to make the jump and move there. I still am however considering moving to Tampa or Orlando. I am scared just to pick my bags up and leave with not much of a plan.

I feel so bad right now and I can’t even read what I type because I lost my glasses last night.

Did you seriously drink a bottle of Jack? I hope not.

I think you are right though, wanting to have a plan before just moving. I’d say put a hell of a lot of effort into finding a job though wherever it is you decide, pronto.
You speak as if every living, able-bodied person in your town goes to the games.

I don’t care WHERE you live, that simply isn’t true.

If you want to get involved and find something else to do on the weekends, all you gotta do is LOOK man. This shit isn’t going to drop in your lap. Sometimes you have to go out looking for people with similar interests as you. Trust me, they are out there, but you gotta stop bitching and actually go do something about it.

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I just went on a great vacation in the San Francisco / Sonoma, and I can’t stop thinking about that part of the world. However, I know it will be difficult to make enough money to get by there. It might actually be worth it to be around new types of people.

I’m 27-years old, and I feel static like I don’t have much of a future aside from doing the same shit over and over, year by year, while living in one part of the world. I feel particularly like I’ve been meeting the exact same woman, over and over for the past decade, regardless of how I alter my behavior…which probably means I’m not altering my behavior, lol.

Is all this crap illogical?

Spent my whole life living outside the Washington D.C. area. Went to visit Yosemite and Tahoe on vacation 5 years ago, moved to Tahoe 6 months later. Im pretty damn happy about the decision.
I have that urge too, and I just moved to Rochester, NY last September. Now I’m moving to a small town an hour away for an engineering internship. I’m excited about it but also a little worried since it is a town of 6,000 people. Not sure what I’m gonna do with my free time over, especially meeting people my age (20s).
I moved from N. Idaho to Georgia 5 years ago.

A move is refreshing, though hard. Go for it. Worst that can happen is you decide to move back, right?

Arent you close to the Adirondacks? Should be tons of fun up there if you like outdoors.
I’d feel that way if I lived in Texas

But seriously, I’m from California and I cant wait to move back one day. As Led Zeppelin says, "the West is the best!" But I also live in Florida now and love it. I personally can’t stand Texas, Oklahoma, and I could never actually live in New Orleans.

I’d say think about it if you actually had the money and knew what you would do there for work.
I’ve lived in CA most of my life, but have moved around a lot. I spent about a year in Florida and didn’t like it much. I mean I had a blast and all, but I had never felt so home sick before.

The first time I traveled alone I went to Pennsylvania and Ohio. I could see myself living there and also North Carolina and Maine.

Sometimes change is good, but be sure that you’re running to and not away from something.
I would love to move out of Texas…not because I hate the state [I love it here] but because I feel like I need a huge change in my life. I hate the feeling of stagnation.

I agree. I feel like i know everyone here. I want to be in a new culture. Its like you grow up wherever because that’s where your parents decided to raise you, once you grow up, you need to pick a location / culture with what you’ve become.

Exactly! I adore the culture here in Texas, I do….but even if it’s just to another city in TX, I need a new atmosphere. I can’t wait till I can save up enough money to move….
DO NOT move to Marin/Sonoma. I can assure you of this.

I’m a graduate of a HS in that area. Look at my location, i’m long gone.

I don’t miss it nor would I even move back if I had the chance to.

SF is cool if you have that kinda money. My friends there like it.
Dissatisfaction with your situation isn’t always a bad thing. The people who don’t feel it (or bloack it out) wind up doing the same thing because it’s easy. It’s not very fulfilling though.

If shit isn’t to your liking, change it! It’s a pain in the ass butit sure beats feeling like you’re suffocating. I know – I flipped my whole life upside-down about a year and a half ago.

It was early 2006. I was pretty well established in a good (if not great) job. My setup was not bad in its own modest way. I had plenty of cash – bills were always paid with no trouble and I had plenty of play money too (perhaps too much – I didn’t realize how much I was spending until I started saving for the move ).

Even with the financial situation, I just wasn’t happy. I liked my job but I couldn’t see it being a career for a number of reasons. One, there were other things I’d rather be doing. Two, I had pretty much maxed my earning potential at that company. So I decided to change it.

So here I am. 2200 miles from where I was and starting over. It isn’t easy – right now I’m temping for an embarrassingly small wage while I try to forge a new career. Believe me, living with no buffer cash is fucking scary. I don’t even care about the spending money so much. All the same I’m trying. I know I’d hate myself if I were still coasting at my old job. Things are starting to happen, so hopefully the money will come soon.
Hmm…I’ve thought about living in different parts of the country and in fact, I might move. But you know, moving simply to satisfy "The Grass is Greener" syndrome is kinda silly to me. I mean living anywhere has it’s positives and negatives.

But you travel a lot with your job so perhaps you have more data on these other locations than I do. I dunno, if I’m moving anywhere, it’s either to Denver or Dallas.
I moved to NC from NH on a snap decision with $600 to my name. I stayed with a friend for a while, and then met my now husband. If I hadn’t made that snap decision to move my life would be entirely different. I wouldn’t be financially stable, I wouldn’t be married and I certainly wouldn’t be getting ready to try having a baby. I’d at most be a hair dresser living in an over-priced apartment in a boring ass town.
You only have one life. Do what you feel compelled to, just have some sort of back up plan (even if it’s living in your grandma’s basement) just in case you decide you don’t like it or everything goes wrong. You never know what’ll happen or how it can change your life until you do it.
I say do it.

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However, last night I had one of the scariest experiences of my life: with a girl’s father. I’m also praying to god that he doesn’t reads OT.

I met a girl at a singing convention about a month ago (yes, I sing, don’t hate) and we kept running into each other throughout the 3 days. She was really cute, so we swapped information. Turns out, she lives south of Chicago; the Tinley Park area. Her family is SUPER protective of her, and she doesn’t get out much other than her friends’ houses.

Last night, I was going clubbing with some friends and I asked her if she wanted to come. She said her parents would NEVER allow such a thing, but that I should stop by her friend’s house party. I don’t get to see her much, so I drove out for an hour (I live in the north suburbs) and arrived at the party, where all of her friends seemed totally excited to meet me. We left the party about 15 minutes before she had to get home, knowing it takes her about 8 minutes to make it home in time for her curfew.

I should mention that the last time we hung out, her dad grounded her for two weeks because she missed her train home, and I drove her home instead. He’s a complete, protective Nazi. He also has a shotgun, and he goes hunting regularly. Scary much?

So we leave the party, and we have a little kissy kissy time, and I send her on her way. 2 minutes later, "RING RING"

Me: "Hello?"
Her: "Uhm… my car clock says we have 15 minutes…"
Me: "Do you… want me to turn around?"
Her: "Yes. I’m at the corner in the second cul de sac."

before I could respond:
-click-

Well, okay. So I pop a U-ie and head on over. I park in front of her large red van, turn off the car, get out, and lock my car. She meets me outside. I tell her to get back in her car, and we get comfy in the backseat.

Now, like I said, because she lives so far, I don’t get to see her much. We spent some time together, and it went on for longer than we planned. Of course we didn’t go all the way; there wasn’t enough time, but we ended up being there for at least an extra half an hour.

Suddenly, I hear a car noise. I instinctively get down, as this isn’t the first time in the back seat with a girl. The car noise doesn’t fade down, so I pop my head up and look out the window.

There’s a small Chevy compact car pulled up next to my car. Driver seemed to be looking inside. Probably some resident freaked out by two cars parked outside his house.

I watch as the car drives around the cul de sac and stops opposite the van. I tell the girl this, and she quickly asked if the man was out of the car. Why a man would get out of the car I had no idea. When I look up, what I saw was just about the last thing I expected; my heart stopped.

A huge lumberjack figured man with a beard wearing a wifebeater and jeans overalls LEAPS out of the car and leaps at the van. We hadn’t locked the front door and he RIPS the door open with such a force that I felt the wind in my hair.

At this point, I wasn’t sure who this guy was, or if I was about to get raped.

He rips open the van sliding door, and yanks her out of the car like a rag doll that happened to only be wearing a bra and underwear.

I’m madly fumbling for the door handle on my side when he ROARS at me:

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?!?!?!"

"uhm… I’m Vlad?" as I open the door and fall out of the car onto my back.

"You better get the hell out of here, boy!!" he BELTS as he charges at me.

I sprint to my car, my heart racing, and I jump in the car and lock the door, only to look up at him staring at me. I turned the car on and shot out of there, realizing half of my clothes were stuck in her car.

My legs were shaking the entire way home, I didn’t sleep very well, and I ended up sending her a message on Facebook, knowing her dad probably took away her phone and she wont see much day light soon.

Message said this:

i donno if you’ll get this soon… but send me some sort of a signal that everything is okay. i can only imagine the worst, but hope for the best.

<3

Vlad

ps. any signal will do, e-mail, text, call (any hour), send message through a friend

So all day, I checked my e-mail, Facebook, phone. Nothing all day. Until finally, at 1:59, I get a response from her. Three sentences, no signature, no "hope to see you soon," just three sentences:

"im sending you an email later today, and i dont want to do it, but i am kind of forced to. im not okay, but im not dead. so we’e good there."

As of 10:00 PM, I have not gotten an e-mail from her yet. I’m worried sick. Every says I’m more of a player-type, but this is one girl that I really like.

OT: WHAT DO I DO!?

Photo of me and her:

Are you really asking this question kid?

You’re young obviously as is she. Her dad and possibly mother are insanely crazy and protective. He now knows who you are and officially hates you and will do anything to keep his daughter from you. To boo you live easily an hour away from one another.

Move on. You two will never work out and there’s plenty of other women you can meet.

/thread
With that type of insanity, I can promise you it’s only going to get worse.
My ex fiance’s father, the first night we met in a rich Florida restraunt pulled out a gun on the table and said "So, Mike, tell me about yourself."

He was drunk, his wife sat there laughing, and I just got up and walked away.

… holy shit dude. That’s gotta be scary.

Terrifying. I was 19 years old, I’d flown down the Florida to meet he parents for the first time. The experience confirmed to me what I wished I’d learned sooner.

If a girls parents are insane, she’s fucked up too it just might not be evident early on — the drama train never ends, so get off at the next station. Family issues and shit like that only spreads like a virus as time goes on.

Girls like that,well its sorta like the Candy House with a witch inside(but then her father),situation looks good from the outside but is bad news. Im going along with the others, it not worth it.
Run, run away fast, this will only end in more problems for you.
Imagine how pissed he will be when she shows up pregnant.
lol great story!

seriously though, id prolly just see her in secret, tag that shit and make daddy really mad

i plan on doing something like that with guys trying to date my daughter (if i have a daughter) ala bad boyz II, just to mess with them.

dang , ya like in porky’s movie where this huge black guy comes out with a bloodstained chainsaw after the guys who where doing a threesome with his daughter. not fun if your the victim tho.

once i see the fear of God in them, i’ll ease up and let them know i was just joking around….maybe.

i like joking around and if this guy wants to be a part of my daughter’s life, he might as well get used to it from the get go.

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I met him a little over a year ago. He’s a super nice guy. Good friend. Prefers to be in a relationship with a girl over being single. We are in the same National Guard brigade. He was engaged and was in a debt management program to consolidate about $20k in credit card and personal loan debt. I moved in with him in August when I got a new job. We work together and shared rides, living expenses, etc. We were going to go to Atlantic City to celebrate my new job. I found out right as I moved in that he had broken up with his fiancee, whom he was fully supporting while she was still going to school. He even bought her a new car. While we were eating dinner, he told me that the Atlantic City trip would have to be put on hold since he didn’t have any money to go. I said no problem, we can do it later on. He later tells me tha he is stretched to the limit financially and asks if he can borrow $500. Before I would consider it, I wanted to know what all was going on. He told me that he was behind on the payments on the car he bought for his ex (she was still driving it) as well as a few other bills (cell phone, etc). I delayed in giving him the money and he eventually stopped asking.

So he meets this girl in November. She’s super nice and a good match for him. I tried to tell him that he may not be in a financial position to be in the kind of relationship he wants to be in. He could casually date or whatever, but that would be it. He told me he understood, but not to worry. Everything would be fine. After about a month, he tells me that he is driving to Florida with her to meet her family (he moves fast in relationships). He tells me that they are staying at the house of a relative of hers and are getting free Disney World tickets. He had the vacation time at work too. I told him to take pictures and I would live vicariously through him. Half way through their week long trip, he calls me and says he needs to borrow $200 until payday (in 5 days). He asks if I could transfer the money to his account (we have the same bank). I agreed and asked for his information. He gave me the login for the website. I went on and got the necessary information. I also happened to notice that a Howard Johnson hotel in Florida had a hold on his bank account. He was staying in a hotel with her! I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to make it look like I was snooping, so I just transferred the money. When he comes back, he tells me that he has this great opportunity for me. HE BOUGHT A TIMESHARE! $170 a month for the next 10 years. He didn’t need this. Not at all. He tells me how he can go to any of this resorts locations for a discount. He was going to try to sell these vacations on eBay or to friends and family. I tried telling him what a bad idea that all was, but he didn’t listen. I think she had something to do with the decision.

During lunch one day, we got to talking about the situation with this other car. I told him he needed to take some pictures and attempt to sell it. He owed way more than it was worth. I even offered to give him part of the payment to let me drive it back and forth to my parents house (200 miles away). He wouldn’t do it unless I was paying all of the $396 payment. Come to find out he had made one payment on it since he bought it for his ex. The bank started calling him and he said he would be able to bring it up to date in March, which wasn’t soon enough apparently. Over Christmas, I get a text message from him. It reads "The bastards took the car". I knew they would. I went through the same thing almost 10 years ago.

In December, I accepted a transfer for work. I would be working an hour and a half away. I rented a room there and still kept the apartment. In January, he asked me if he could move his girlfriend in an rent would be split 3 ways. I said that was fine since I’m not there during the week.

So thats the background.

While at the apartment for a couple hours earlier, he received what sounded like 3 collections calls. Him and I both have state jobs that require security clearances. I know he wants to fully support this girl because thats the kind of guy he is, so I’m not sure how much of the living expenses he is paying and if she is paying anything at all. How can I relate to him the severity of his situation?

CN: Roommate is in financial ruin, but doesn’t understand how serious. How can I get the point across?
Your roomate needs to dump these women he is dating.

‘Hey honey, if you go out with me I will support you and you don’t need to work!’
WTF???
I mean, my wife is a housewife….. BUT SHE IS MY WIFE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

Dollars to doughnuts this kid has a self esteem issue.
sorry man as a man win a financial background….. jesus fucking christ.

you know you need to stop living with this guy.

soon he will stop paying rent

there is a chance that he might not be paying rent now. So if I were you I would make him pay you cash and THEN take that cash to pay rent.

do NOT pay him money and let him write the check to your apt manager

i had this happen to me one.

It doesn’t seem like its like that. This girl is super nice. He feels like its his obligation to support these women. He’s "traditional". When he moved her in, she would say for weeks that she felt like the was intruding. She would constantly ask permission to do stuff around the apartment. So I don’t think he’s whipped or anything like that. She is a legitimately nice girl.

I want to move out, but both our names are on the lease. I don’t think I can get out of it early.

I know he pays the rent on time. He’s pretty much kept this girl in the dark about his financial problems (he made up a story about the car repo) and not paying rent would make it obvious. He pays the things that matter. Rent, electricity, internet and WoW. His cell phone has been shut off before and I wouldn’t doubt the cable TV is behind. The only thing that has my name on it is the lease.
you do understand that if you give him money for rent. he may take that rent and use it for something else (since he doesnt have the rent money anyway)

i just want you to know this now. b.c i have had a roommate who was in debt, we gave him checks for rent, he took those checks and used it to pay for other things. then he hid the notices (from the landlord)

so be careful.

on rent- You credit scores ARE linked together here, and if he doesnt pay; it affects your FICO score (if you are sued for back rent)

This is obviously JUST a POSSIBLE hazard.

not that he does or doesnt do it (i would not know)

i just wanted to make sure you were aware.
Well just make sure the lease is paid and besides that, its not really your problem. this guy is obviously mad dumb. probably shouldnt renew the lease. But besides that, its not really your problem and you shouldnt be stressed over it
With people like your room mate, the key to solving the problem is by not getting involved and keeping yourself detached. Do not give him anymore money, and let him fall down the hole on his own.

In advance if you want to quietly find ways he can solve the problem, you can do that. However, I wouldn’t give him the answers until he finally hit rock bottom. People with this type of pattern don’t listen until they’re forced to.

Let him fall down, then be supportive when all seems lost and he’s ready to change.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think Metallic has the right idea. I tried telling my roommate that a bill collector is going to sue him for the difference on that car. He just blows that off as no big deal. I think that’s what it will take to get the point across.
I’ve used this technique with people in my life. The hardest part about it is patience and self control. It’s hard to sit back and not take control, and to leave the person to the consequences of their own making. It’s the fastest way in some cases to help them, and sadly that can often take years of patience.

Easy does it, sadly. Letting go, does it.

yep…perfectly said

oh, and if you ever loan money to family and/or friends, expect that you will never get it back. as long as you go into it with that thought, and still want to loan them money, then its all good
UPDATE:

Toyota sold the car (2007 Yaris 4dr automatic, 30k mi) for $9000 at auction, which I was incredibly surprised to hear. He owes approximately $6000 for the difference. He was offered to settle it for 50% of the value, if he can pay up front. However, he can’t. He’s going to try to work something out for payments, but I doubt that will work either. He showed me that he is all caught up on bills and told me not to pay my portion of the rent this month to cover the money I lent him. Looks like he is getting it turned around…hopefully.

Don’t be shocked if he doesn’t. I’ve seen this thousands of times.

Nothing surprises me anymore. I’m moving back to Pittsburgh in a couple months anyway and he said if I want to move out completely, I can. Clap my hands and walk away…blackjack dealer style.
Get away from this guy asap. It sounds like you’ve offered all the help and advice you could, and he refuses to listen. In college I dated a guy just like this (minus him supporting me). He worked full time, I part time yet he was always asking me for money. I found out he was spending his paychecks on CDs and other toys. He would skip out on his mortgage payment or his condo’s HOA if he got pissed off at them. He felt if he was wronged by the, then they didn’t deserve the money Doesn’t work that way, bud. Once I met the rest of his family I understood where it came from, and I RAN LIKE THE WIND away from them all.

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Now, here we go… why is it, when I want to do something, people just shit on me? Case in point. My friend told me earlier this year, we were taking a vacation in July. He specifically mentioned around 4th of July time. We talked about going to Florida.

Ok, so that changes last month when he found a new girlfriend. He’s been dating her a month (though they act like a couple of 2 years) and mentioned how her birthday is in July and he is going to request some time off to go on vacation. Specifically, around the time we were supposed to go.

So, I remind him, we had talked about going. So he says, "alright, maybe we will all go together. Let me talk it over with her". This was 2 weeks ago.

Tonight, he sends me a text message saying he booked a Vegas vacation with his new gf just now. He never asked me if I wanted to go, nothing. Sheesh, glad I didn’t take the time off based upon our conversation.

Now yes, I understand he wants to go with his gf somewhere. That’s fine. But can’t he at least say "let’s go somewhere another time?" Nope, didn’t even get that out of him.

I would ask other people to go with me, but they are all full of excuse. Always the same "I don’t have the money" or "I don’t have the time at work" or some bullshit they make up which usually is just an excuse to not go with me. I’m beginning to start to fee like people don’t want to be around me now again. So, if such is the case, maybe I need to distance myself from certain people. I did that once for a year or two. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t have this stress. So fuck all of these people!

people change when they are in relationships dont let it get too you. And the rest have solid excuses.

Are you sure its bullshit? it oculd be legitimate excuses.

take a vacation yourself or on a singles cruise if you really want to.

Part of me wants to believe their excuses, but when they tell me these excuses and 1 month later tell me about a vacation they are booking in the year, I don’t know.. makes me feel like "well, we didn’t want to go on vacation with you, we want to do this instead." And I am sure if I was asked to go somewhere with them, I’d go.

Yeah, thought about visiting some friends out west, but one is moving in June anyway and the other, not sure about.. I’m not really a big vacation goer on my own to be honest though. I think it has a lot to do with being brought up as an only child. I always feel I need to have someone there with me to enjoy myself, otherwise I’m just not too social….
hmm sounds like a friend of mine, grew up as a only child and hates being alone.

always has to do everything with someone.

U should hint at always wanting to go on vacation or something with them.
it sounds like a relationship that’s moving really fast, I can imagine they would want to be alone. it’s not like a group of friends was going down together and didn’t invite you.

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I was just feeling bad for the first time recently because I guess I have a sense I neglected her while I was away at school. Basically I would talk to her once in a blue moon but it went from seeing her every day (living in the same home) to phone conversations once every two months, and only seeing her in person on the off vacation.

Now that I’m out of school I’m seeing more of her, of course.

Is this about typical? Is there a difference for girls and guys? I ask the last question because I noticed my little sister stayed in contact with my mom a lot more than I did. My mom told my sister, "I guess boys are just different from girls in that way," which was relayed to me. So I was wondering if that was true.
Nope, my mom and I have a ridiculously strong bond that can never be broken. She’s pretty much my best friend. Even when I went away for college we talked probably once a day.

I think it’s usually easier to say that girls bond with their mothers more or it’s more "understandable" that they would keep in contact with them more often…but if you just flat out lose touch and/or don’t want to speak with her that’s a whole different story.

My bf never calls his mom. He only talks to her when she calls, which is probably once every 3 weeks. Even then he’ll make it quick and he’ll visit her maybe once a month. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to bond with her and it’s not even an issue of him not loving her or anything like that, he just doesn’t care; he’s not very close to his parents.

I just didn’t care. Now I’m losing my father, and I’m in love with someone whose mother passed away. I see the effects that her mom’s death had on her, and continue to have on her. After all of that I think it just hit home how much I took for granted.

Yep. Having a lot of death in my life myself it always upsets me how much people take their family for granted.

Now of course I’ve heard of some horrible families so I can understand when some people just don’t get along with their parents…but when they refuse to even be civil or try to make things right it just saddens me. But nothing is worse IMO than people who have perfectly great parents and they just blow them off. They rebel for no reason and don’t appreciate everything their ‘rents have possibly done for them.

I admit I don’t love my father even an 1/8 as much as I love my mother, and yes he angers me with his actions from time to time…but I still love him and I still stay completely civil with him because I know one day when he’s gone I will be upset.
I guess it depends on how the relationship with your parents is before you leave home, male or female.
I’m one that has called my mom at least once a week religiously, usually email every day . My husband talks to his parents usually every day now that we’re more *mature* (aka 30something), but used to go months without any contact. He and his parents weren’t very close before we had our son, now we can’t get rid of them.
I really don’t talk to my parents while I’m at the University. I still live at home over breaks so I see them every few months. I don’t have a strong relationship with my parents though, especially my mother. But this is normal in my family, my mom doesn’t speak with her mother more than once every few months or at holidays.

what gender are you?
I’m female, and I talk to my parents (mostly my mom) every few days usually by email and sometimes by phone. We (the bf and I) also go over to their house for dinner every other sunday. We see his parents/family on the alternating sundays.
When I was away at school/living out of town I talked to my parents about once a week, on sundays (see a pattern? ) for about 45 min or so, and maybe once during the week if something exciting had happend or they wanted to tell me something or vice virsa.
My brother, on the other hand (who lives out of town now), ONLY talks to my parents on sundays for about 10 min and rarely, if ever, talks to them other than that (only in emergencies). When he was living closer he would join us on sundays for dinner, but even then rarely talked to them on the phone/emailed during the week.
I’m pretty close to my parents, neither one in particular though, but my mom is more of a "talker" than my dad so I guess thats why I end up talking to her more, though I often get "Daddy said to tell you…" from her and relay messages back. Obviously in my family we have this talk(or visit)-on-sundays habit, I guess thats from my dads family who still to this day still calls my grandma every sunday. My uncles (his brothers) do the same thing…
Sometimes in college I would go a week or two without talking to my parents. We would email each other, tho.

Then toward the end of college and after I graduated and started working I would call my parents a lot more. My parents are smart and I had questions about stuff. I lived about an hour away and I would come visit at least once a month.

Now I’m 27 and I talk to my parents a lot. At least a few times a week. Sometimes I’ll call and ask them stuff, and sometimes we’ll just email each other.

20 year old female
When I was away in the Marines, I would only talk to my Mom if she called, which wasn’t often. I never put out the effort to call her first.

Like others have said, it didn’t have any meaning behind it, I just really didn’t care. It became a problem whenever I came home and she started lashing out at me for not coming around much. Now, I come around even less. When I do, it’s almost unbearable. I still don’t care.

And perhaps an age difference too? I’ve gone through different where I’ve talked to them a lot, a little, and back and forth. I also think it might have something to do with your proximity to your parents – like if you live in the same city as them or not.
I spoke to my mom and dad every other week or so while I was at college. I speak to them more now that I’m half-way across the country (1-2x a week). I’m a bit closer to my mom than my dad due to events that have happened over the last few years.

24/m.
My boyfriend is going through something similar.. The first year of college his parents basically ignored him but now they are trying to bring him back home.. it’s really weird. It’s like they saw that he was becoming his own person and pulling away (either consciously or not) and didn’t like it so now they are trying to change things.

I make no sense, but I think it’s kinda normal.

i never had much contact with my mom when i lived at home. when i moved there really wasnt much of a difference other than her calling me on weekends to make sure i was still alive

my sister and brother both stay in touch with my mom and other family members. i just dont see them as anything special. lot to do with abuse from them growing up though more than anything. i was the weird kid in the family and everyone made fun of me for it so i guess when i grew up i developed a fuck it attitude towards all of them.

now that i’m older i try to get closer to my mother but she’s so ADHD you can’t have a conversation with her because every 30 seconds she’s distracted and forgets she’s even talking to you. one time i was on the couch crying my eyes out talking to her about stuff and she gets up and starts playing with the dog and forgot i was even there

i had a closer relationship with my ex’s family than my own. it’s pretty sad but ever since we broke up it’s like i lost the people i loved the most. i didn’t just lose my ex i lost the mother/father i wish i had… the siblings i wish i had… the grandma i wish i had… i swear her family was so amazing to me
When I was in college, I called my mother every day, but her and I have a really strong best friend type of relationship. I still call her pretty much every day now, and see her every weekend just about. My brother rarely calls my mother, it’s usually a blue moon when he does.
I got along much better with my mother after I left home. We stopped fighting as much when we got out of each other’s space, and we sorta started building a relationship. I ended that when I moved suddenly out of state with no warning in the middle of the night, but hey. What can you do.
I’m a male and i almost never talk to anyone in my family. My sister and brother do it every week thought, my sister abit more often than my brother.

I agree. I think you are entitled however to not stay in touch if that’s what you want for whatever reason.
Even if it is a "gender thing," is that any excuse?

In which direction are you asking that question?

"Is that an excuse to cling to your parents?", or

"Is that an excuse to be detached from your parents?"

At any rate the answer is, "No," to either question.

You need an excuse for coming to class late. You don’t need an excuse for leading your life a certain way.

Sorry, I meant even if it is a "gender thing" does that make it a valid excuse that guys use so they don’t have to stay close to their parents?

And you answered it, but I’d like to see if others feel that way as well.

I dont think not staying close to your parents is a bad thing, so I dont think someone needs an "excuse" not to – its just something some people do and some people dont.

You dont have to talk to your parents all the time to "show them you appreciate them" – there are lots of other ways to do this and I’d bet that many people who do think they have great parents show it in different ways.

Just because you and your parents show your concern/appreciation for each other by talking/keeping in close contact doesnt mean that everyone does, or those that dont are "bad".

.

I don’t see there being anything wrong with not staying in contact with your parents.
May be abit ungrateful and impolite in lack of better words but there is nothing wrong with it so i don’t see why you need an excuse for it.
My mom was my best friend…
4 years ago, I moved in on my own when her and my dad decided to move to Florida.
2 months after I moved into my condo, she dropped dead from a brain aneurysm in my condo when she was by herself (she wanted to be a good mom and do my cleaning for me, I asked her not to).
Yeah, that was my nest-exit
I was only close to my parents when I was a kid. When I went to college, I went home once a month and other than that, we didn’t talk much on the phone or in emails. And then I only came home once every 6 months after school was finished, until an opportunity brought me back home. Now I live with them again and we still don’t talk. Everytime I see my mom she nags me about something, so I try not to see her at all during the day. She just can’t have a conversation with me without nagging. She obviously knows that it’s wrong because she doesn’t do it when I have friends over. So I don’t understand why she can’t just stfu.

Well I never really meant is it a "bad" thing, just simply do you think it’s a valid excuse to think, "well I’m/he’s a guy, so naturally he doesn’t have to be close to his parents!"

For example, my bf rarely keeps in touch with his parents. It’s not that they’ve done anything wrong to him, in fact they were good parents, just not very emotional with him. They only live 45 minutes away from one another but yet they barely ever even speak on the phone, let alone see each other. Now I recognize it’s his life and I certainly don’t push him to see them…but at the same time it makes me a little sad inside that he doesn’t even care to have any kind of relationship with them.

I’m alot the same as your bf then, they are/were quite good parents, but i did not have any emotional bond with them and they were somewhat negative. Which is one of the reasons i don’t talk to them anymore, it’s not that they are bad persons or abusive. They just aren’t very positive and encouraging.

I think one of the reasons why guys don’t keep in touch as often with their parents
as girls do is because they don’t often develop the same emotional bond to their parents, specially to their mother. For example, i could never even imagine to see my mother as a friend, if that makes sense.

It may also be the way men are, we are conditioned to not be all emotional, some immature men (*looks away*) absolutely hate to ask for help etc.
Last night that ad came on (tv) where the women are all fainting because their son called them on mothers day.

I told my husband that the ad bugged me (trying to put my finger on why – I think it’s the antiquated "hysteria" model). He told me that when our sons go to college that I had better get used to calling them if I want to be in touch. That’s fine, I hope they aren’t in a rush to get off the phone every time.

My father, on the other hand, thinks that it is the child’s DUTY to phone the parents often. And I call him about once a week. When my mom was alive, I spoke to her almost daily. What’s the difference? My mom would be happy to chat about mundane subjects, my dad just runs down his datebook contents. Ironically, we have a lot to talk about re: interpersonal matters and the stilted relationship that my family has with his wife, but he’s not interested in that sort of discussion (or is incapable of it.)
Even if you don’t have a strong emotional bond with your parents, you should at least call them once in a while just to make sure they’re doing okay and are still alive. It means a lot to them when you call too.

I’m female and I admit that as a teen, I didn’t care so much but now that I am in my late twenties and I’ve gone through some trials/tribulations, I’ve realized how important family is and the fact that some day, they may not be around anymore. I try not to take people for granted.

I disagree. It’s nice if you do it, but it’s not a should.

how are you still … um. you are a very stubborn young woman.

how is this a situation where it makes sense to speak of excusing yourself
When I went to college, I spoke with my family about as much as most guys on here have done…..which was not much. My mom had to make the initative to call me. I had no problems talking to her, but never felt the urge to call her and "shoot the shit." Call it gender oriented or whatever. Most girls I know, including my girlfriend, speak with their mom/dad about once a day to once a week. None of my guy friends actively call their parents and all act similar to me. Only thing I can attribute this to is the more general desire for males to be more independant than females. Its not intended to be insulting or "disowning", it just never crosses my mind. BTW, yes, I do have a great relationship with my parents.

Well put.
my mom passed away right before i went away to college, otherwise i would have spoken to her every day

because my mom passed away, i realized how short our time is here, and i made an effort to communicate with my dad everyday. he found that in college i was on IM, so he signed up. we still talk on IM every day and random times on the weekends even though i have been out of college for 3 years now.

I was raised w/very strong family values so it’s hard for me to understand people who don’t keep in touch with their parents at all or the ones who only call when they need something like money because in my opinion, a part of caring for your loved ones include keeping in touch with them and showing concern. I could certainly understand if the parents aren’t exactly good people or they’re just very difficult to deal with. Otherwise, I just don’t understand how you can honestly say you love someone but you go for months w/out talking, not caring or wanting to knwo how they’re doing and what is going on with them.

I guess having lost loved ones has also influenced my perspective on this issue.
I have gone through times when I didn’t want as much parental involvement in my life but I’m so thankful my parents were there for me. When I was in my 20s, I hurt my mom’s feelings a lot and she was really worried about me as she watched me struggle to find my way.

Thankfully, she never gave me ultimatums or deadlines. She just loved me and tried to help me help myself. Without her, I’m actually quite scared of where I would have ended up. I didn’t even move out of the house till 23 or so and my brothers and sister were giving her all sorts of shit about that. She didn’t care and didn’t listen to them. She followed her heart and just enjoyed our time living together. Thank God for that because I was way too immature to support myself back then.

Both my dad and step dad have passed away but my mom is thankfully still here and in very good health. She’s wonderful and living a full life of her own (book club, bridge club, church and all sorts of other things). We joke about getting together and I’ll say, "Have your people call my people to set up a lunch."

We talk whenever we feel the need but we always try to touch base at a minimum of once a week. We also have a thing where we spend every Sunday night hanging out. She cooks, I clean and then we watch TV or a movie or just talk till I need to go home and to bed.

It’s a friggin awesome relationship and I wish more people could experience this. It’s not perfect by any means and often we piss each other off. But we love each other and don’t ever go to the really hurtful things. Yes we fight but we keep in mind the respect and love we have for each other and that helps us stay civil.

One of my brothers simply can’t stand being around her because he just keeps holding on to all this imagined hurt that she supposedly caused him. It’s his loss because he’s missing out on a wonderful woman.

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I think it all stems from a fear of not having enough money. I was talking to my mom the other day and I told her I wouldn’t be comfortable unless I had enough money for 10 years of living expenses in a liquid account.

A little background:

I’m 26. My previous job was my first job out of college, and I was there for almost 2 years. I worked in systems development, and it sucked. I would work 50, 60, 70 hours a week on salary (no overtime pay) with mandatory weekends and pretty much as much bullshit as you could imagine. This was a big, international HR firm, and our company engagement scores were around 25/100 (which is absolutely horrible). Basically, no one was happy there. People in the development teams had job stress-induced illnesses. I would see people cry at work, etc. Sometimes I’d go home at night at come back the next day and there were still people there who hadn’t gone home. One of our programmers worked a 35 hour shift once. People’s families would come visit them at work because the employees never got to go home. And all of this for shitty pay and 0-1% raises.

Alright, so I had been thinking about quitting for a while, but one weekend I decided to finally do it. I gave 2 days notice and quit. I had at least 6 months worth of living expenses saved up in a liquid account at this point, plus I cashed out 21 days of PTO which is over 4 weeks worth of pay, so that was a nice bonus.

I was so stressed out from that job I was then unemployed for about 6 months, by choice. I was literally so mindfucked from that job that I didn’t do much for the next 3-4 months. I would sleep in until noon. I had no motivation to do anything. And through the whole thing, I felt secure because I had enough in the bank for a few more months…

Anyway, that experience made me realize that I was lucky to be able financially to up and quit my job. There were so many people there who hated it but couldn’t quit because they were living paycheck to paycheck.

I think that now I’m terrified of being in that position again. I’m always asking myself "what if I get fired? What if I have to quit?" Finding a new job is fucking impossible. "What if I can’t find a new job?" I’m consumed by the need to have enough money so that not finding a job won’t be a problem because I won’t need money.

As a result, this affects my social life. I am a fucking cheapass. I don’t go out downtown because I can’t afford it. Ok, I’m lying. I can afford it, but I don’t want to, because going out and spending $15 per drink is fucking lame. I can’t justify spending $50-100 in one night because "what if I have to quit my job? What if I get fired? What if I can’t find a job?" I might need the $15 from that drink to buy me a few meals at Wendy’s. I don’t go to nice places to eat because fast food is cheaper and spending $50 on a meal is pointless when you’re getting the same amount of calories that you could get for $4 someplace else.

I should note, however, that when someone invites you to go someplace, and you say "sorry, I can’t afford it," you don’t usually get shit because most people are so in debt that they assume you really can’t afford it, either (altho that doesn’t stop them from doing it). I say "I can’t afford it" because I don’t want to say "I don’t want to waste my money on that."

Some of my friends give me shit, but I can’t help but think "fuck them." Some of my friends my age make $60-100k per year (which I am *insanely* jealous of) and they party like rockstars, yet they only have a few thousand saved up. "What if you lose your job?" I want to ask them. "You’ll be fucked because you have no savings." And then I imagine myself in that position and I become terrified… like literally, I have a mini-anxiety attack.

Now normally I think it’s good to be frugal and concerned about your finances, but I think it’s consuming me to the point that it’s unhealthy. I realized that when I told my mom that I wanted 10 years worth of savings in a liquid account in order to feel "secure," and then I realized that I was 100% serious when I said that. And that 10 years means no change in quality of lifestyle, either. Even thinking about it now, as I’m typing this, makes me think 10 years of savings wouldn’t be enough to feel comfortable.

How do I un-consume myself with money without taking the complete opposite approach and not giving a shit and getting to debt, etc. I know "you only live once" so people are going to tell me to spend more and have fun, but when if after I spend it, I need it, and I don’t have it because I pisssed it away on $100 bar tabs?
id rather be you than me. i have no value for money at all. im not saying i spend it recklessly but i dont pay attention most of the time. i gamble so money comes and goes.
Sounds like you’re pretty good at managing finances…good for you. If I had a little more sense to be as careful as you were in my early 20s, I wouldn’t have spent the few years after that getting out of debt.

But if managing money consumes you, I agree that isn’t healthy. Life isn’t all about money right? I think as we will all one day lie on our death beds, the last thing we will think fondly of is how much money we have in the bank.

What you need to do is turn your skills at money management in your favor such that you wouldn’t need to worry so much about it. Have it work for you. Perhaps put portions of that away into more long term investments where your money earns you even more. If you just have that money sitting around in some savings acct, it’s just money sitting there waiting to be given to someone else.

Another method that could help is to plan a budget. Use a spreadsheet and just work out how your cash flow is month to month. Set aside some for retirement, some for bills, some for a rainy day, and don’t forget some for fun too. If you plan ahead this way, you may feel more secure in knowing you can freely spend $50 on that next meal without it meaning that you’ll suddenly go broke.

EDIT: I know where you’re coming from, now as I’m running my own business, it freaks me out senseless when I don’t have "padding" in my bank accounts not knowing month to month how my revenue will be. You have to then realize that it’s not the money itself that is causing you to freak, but maybe the insecure feeling that there are things you can’t control. Perhaps just accept that feeling and have confidence that you can deal with anything that comes your way in the future WHEN it comes.
Its not a bad thing. Im pretty much exactly like you. Only real downside was that girls I date usually complain about me being cheap, but you know something, to some people money is the only thing that can bring happiness. Thats how it is for me. Theres a huge pot of wealth out there for people and I want a large share. And apparently my life is being controlled by the thought of me getting the biggest share possible.

The journey will take you down many paths and you will come across a lot of obsticles on the way, but remember to learn from your mistakes, identify the mistakes others make, identify what successful people are doing. It makes life a lot more interesting and it gives you something to work for. Set yourself a goal, stay at or beyond that goal(budget) at all times and you will be destined for a financially comfortable life.
Thanks for the replies. I have investments, a Roth IRA, a 401(k), and a trading account.

It’s not that money makes me happy, per se, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable unless I have enough of it. There’s enough to worry about in life and I don’t want not having enough money to be something else I have to worry about. It’s just that thought that consumes me. It sucks.
Well, if a pile of money were dumped on you today, you may be happy. But we all know that’s a temporary feeling.

I think it’s a matter of perspective…go travel a little bit this year and just observe how people outside of what you know are perfectly happy with so much less. Then you can come back and adjust a little. It helps me focus all the time in what’s most important in life.
From your posts here and in the Vag I actually do think you’re kinda OCD, but whatever. I make decent money for my age and I spend that shit like water. Needless to say I’m not in debt or anything…but I go to Vegas and drop $500 or go to the store and drop $100 on booze for my friend’s party etc etc. I dunno, I think not letting yourself go out with friends just to save money is lame. There are ways to save money and go out. Drink before you go out… Just buy one drink when you go out and then refill with water so you don’t get shit from friends. Bring a flask (but be careful and only drink it in the bathroom or alley). It’s really good to be frugal and save money, just remember, you can’t take that shit with you. And fuck, if you ever get married and then divorced the bitch is gonna take most of it anyway.
Well ask yourself the question , what if i die today? You can’t take your money beyond the grave. We had a guy in here who got into a car accident, and while he was ‘ omg my car’ , we were ‘be glad you came out alive of it’

Ok, you have the feeling you need to survive. Which is ok, well once you have a job your income is secured’ But what if? That’s the thing, you shouldn’t base your life on what if, but on what is. And instead of letting your life be guided by fear and disasters, think by yourself ‘i can only control the things i can control, and its useless to worry about the things i cannot control, because it might happen regardless of what i do.

Or in other words, the end of your job is not the end of your life. How many homeless people survive for years without even having a penny? Yeah its the gutter without a doubt, not a recommended place to be at all however these people are far more free from their materialistical conserns then normal people.

I think i have a story you should definitly read this with a big huge cup of coffee as it is long.

Nope. Because I would set it up so that it was continual income and I wouldn’t touch the principle.

That’s why i would look into offshore bank accounts and asset protection before I got married. You never know what’s going to happen in 10 years and I don’t want to lose my money because a woman changed her mind.
When is the last time you went on a vacation that had no financial ramifications?
I have amost the exact same viewpoints on money/savings as you do. Personally mine stems from my parents having money trouble when I was younger.
I’m fourtanate that my husband and I are well off; however even though we are, I always ask myself if we will be ok if one of us loses our job, gets sick, etc.

I haven’t taken a vacation. I don’t know how much a vacation costs, but I assume I would be able to afford it. That being said, I’d rather have the money. Then again, my last job wouldn’t let me use the PTO to take a vacation, anyway. They gave me the PTO, they just wouldn’t let me use it without "paying" for it (making up the hours before hand).

edit – all vacations have financial ramifications by definition if they cost money, even if they cost $0.01.

Possible.

Look the point isn’t that it’s bad you have high goals set for your financial security…but it’s not unreasonable to have a budget designed so you can still reach your financial goals while still having some money to spend for fun with your friends. Life doesn’t just give you these two extremes….debt or wealth. There’s a lot of area in between that you can be comfortable with while you work upwards. You just gotta plan it out so you know exactly how you’re going to reach that goal you want.

I can understand not wanting to spend money on drinks and resturants but I would at least take a vacation. I think you could use one, I get the impression from your posts on here that you aren’t really a very happy person. You’ve gotta reward yourself for your hard work and take time to enjoy life. It’s great to want to save money but what good is it if you never have any fun with it? I’m sure you can easily spare a few hundred dollars to get away for a little while.
Yeah that’s not OCD…

but good for you for being good with money

Yeah, you need to take a vacation. Take a three-day weekend ad visit decent city somewhere. Augusta, GA, Destin, FL, something like that. With air fare, lodging, etc, you can get by on well under $400. That’s not bad for a vacation. Sounds like you need a practical exercise in sitting back and enjoying life.
Sounds like your just frugal.

I try to get the most bang for my buck when I go out. 4$ glass of import beer…or $1 draught Bud Light? And Whiskey on the Rocks goes even farther, because you can’t drink it near as fast.

Same with food. I eat on the dollar menu when I can.

But don’t take it too far or you’ll end up like my ex. Bitch would have panic attacks over 10,000$ in student loans when she graduated.
I’ll take 3 day weekends sometimes, I just stay at home and relax and watch TV or play guitar or do whatever.

I go on business trips occasionally, and while it’s not all leisure, I still get to visit different places (hotels/restaurants/bars) mostly on my company’s money. It’s relatively relaxing.

The other day I ordered a pint of Guinness and it was $6. I was like wtf? After that I started getting $3.25 bottles.

I think part of the reason I’m like this is I am very lazy. My goal is to retire ASAP because I don’t like working. No, wait, I don’t like having to work. I feel like I need to accumulate much wealth now because my laziness will probably overtake me in the future.

Wendy’s ftmfw.

Mah Nigga.

I don’t really see you as being OCD about money. I freak out now and then too, usually when I’m doing my loans for school and realise I’m graduating 60k in debt.

But like today, I needed new brakes on my car. I could pay 80$ for new rotors and pads, or 89$ for a local shop to put on new pads for me and turn the rotors. Hmmm, yeah, I’d rather pay 9$ extra to not spend a few hours getting greasy as fuck under my car.

Yeah, see that’s totally different from what I recommended.
holy shit dude. You’re what’s on the other side of my mirror.

I need to be you for a year. Learn the ropes.

Or just hang out with people like you.
Or go read "Smart Couples Finish Rich" (or some other book like it) and "the Millionaire Next Door."

I track everything in Excel. I have a line chart on one of the tabs that shows total liquid assets (checking account money + trading account) that I update a few times a month. I like it when the line goes up. I don’t like it when the line goes down. Obviously I have an interest bearing checking account (for those of you who were going to say "dude, if you like money so much why is it sitting in a checking account that doesn’t pay interest").

My point is, if you want to get better with money, start tracking everything you spend. You’ll start to think about things differently. Save your receipts. Start easy… make an Excel file to track income (paychecks, eBay, finding $5 on the ground) and expenses (bills, things you pay cash for, OT subscriptions, etc.). Record everything. Total everything up at the end of each month. You should have a positive balance (most of the time, sometimes crazy expenses come up and that’s what you NEED money for). Just do it for a month and see how it goes. It’s 3/2. Start today cuz it’s a new month.
Falconer,

I have a new respect for you… I’m the same exact way. I cannot be happy unless I have a good amount of savings. And that good amount is definitely about 5 years of liquid $ for my expenses…

I am a big saver, and my friends know I’m a big saver, and always say, "Why don’t you buy blah blah blah…?"

But I don’t because I just like to save, even though I do drool over a lot of nice material things I don’t need or want to spend money on.
Doesn’t really sound OCD, you just sound paranoid. However that doesn’t matter, if you have a few months worth of savings to keep yourself afloat in case of an emergency you should be fine. I’d say don’t let it get to you, but it sounds like it does, and as for how to become apathetic towards certain things in life I don’t know how to teach that to anyone. But if it really bothers you see a doctor, maybe get some pills.

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