V-day rolls around the corner and after 4 months of not dating I figure I try agian. I come up with this really cool way to ask her out on Valentines and she says yes and we say we will get dinner the following Tuesday. Tuesday rolls around and I don’t tell her what were doing but I take her ice skating then to a nice dinner at Magginos. The date was good but I wasn’t feeling anything remotely close attraction wise as when we had hung out before.

Wednesday I wake up to find I don’t have a text from her which is odd. I text her good morning. No reply. Four hours later I send another text. No reply. Its now 4pm in the afternoon after she gets off school and I ask her out school was. She says it was too busy to text me. (I get a little pissed.) After a few mins mid conversation she stops texting me agian. The day goes on, no text. Its like 6 and I am I meet her at Church at 7 since its a Wednesday. I am kinda pissed off so I decide I won’t put myself in a bad situation and go. I text her sister because she isn’t replying to me and I figure her phone is broke and tell her I can’t come tonight. She tells me its ok because this girl Rachael wasn’t coming anyways. Now I know Rachael had plans for a very long time that she was to assist somehow in the state wrestling tournament and that it was the later end of the week but she did not tell me she was NOT going to be a church. Had I not found that out myself I would of gone expecting to see her there. Well I am pissed and a little upset so I send her a nice message just letting her know I felt kinda put down because she didn’t text me. She responds saying that she cares about me but is pissed, etc.. Then she says she won’t be able to talk all weekend.

Fast forward to Monday (today) and I finally text her saying that we needed to talk. After beating around the bush a bit I get to the point and she says she discovered that she wasn’t ready to date still. I probe further and she says that Tuesday she wasn’t feeling anything more than us being friends. As all this is kind of schocking and it pissed me off I bit I didn’t know what to say. Here I was standing up for her not communicating like a responsible adult and now she is dumping me? I knew Tuesday wasn’t the best date but it wasn’t bad. I wasn’t putting the moves on her because I wasn’t sure she was ready yet and now I get dumped because of it.

I seriously need some help, I mean I haven’t even had an interest in dating for a year and this shit goes down and I just don’t know what to say. She was a really cool girl that liked EVERYTHING I did besides this stupid situation. I told her I wasn’t feeling it too and that we should remain friends. I just plan on being myself and hope she sees that I am a really fun person. If not I think she would still be a cool friends.

Did I do something wrong? Am I in the wrong? I need some advice guys!

Maybe she felt the same. Sounds like you just need to cool down and stop texting her so much. There’s other girls out there, don’t get so caught up on this one.

Yea but the thing is before we had hung out and it was so much fun. I go to University in Denver and I am not to good with the ladies although I have been told I am pretty sexy. I guess I just lack the social skills though (Inexperience you might say)
Throw yourself into the dating scene and forget this girl.
wow clingy much? you texted a girl you’ve never slept with before noon? thats just rude

you prolly didnt touch her on the date (and thats what friendzoned you)

You kind of put out a clingy vibe her by texting her so often. You probably shouldn’t texted her again after she didn’t respond to the first one. Also I don’t think you were technically dumped in the first place since you weren’t really in a relationship with her.

Can you provide more details about the V-Day date? I (and it seems Yuppy too) can probably assume some of the things you did or failed to do during the date.
I think what you did or didn’t do is largely irrelevant.

It seemed rather cool even at the outset.

Just let this one go, and focus on the next girl to come into your life.
By your account, this one was never that much into you anyways.

If you weren’t so emotionally invested, you’d be able to see that much more clearly.

Word of advice though: don’t be so clingy.
Though, this too, will resolve itself once you start dating more.

As you gain more familiarity with the subject at hand (dating/girls), your confidence goes up, and your need to over-control (cling) every micro-nuance of every situation goes down.

good luck to you
it seems like she wasn’t all that in to you to begin with. any time a girl offers reasons/excuses as to why she can’t date you it’s usually because she’s not that in to you. sure, she had just gotten out of a relationship, but if she was really in to you, that would’ve been a non-issue. (sidenote: you shouldn’t pursue girls that just got out a relationship anyways).

it seems as if you were very passive, waiting for her to be ready. this is not an attractive quality. that vibe you felt during the date was accurate, there was no attraction.

your actions following that date didn’t help either. you should not have contacted her as much as you did and certainly should not have been pissed off by it. you then told her about how her actions upset you, which was even worse. you essentially told her that your life revolves around her.

get over this girl and move on with your life. forget about hoping that she sees you as a really fun person. she either already knows you are or doesn’t care that you are. if you want to remain friends, that’s fine, but forget about her for a while. let her try to contact you first. in the meantime, keep yourself busy.

now, don’t think of the situation as you doing something wrong, instead focus on what you could’ve done better. it might seem like the same thing, but it’s not. it’s similar to using the phrase "non-success" instead of "failure". you want to approach the situaiton with a positive mindset and a focus on the future as opposed to a negative mindset and dwelling on the past.

remain assertive, don’t be clingy and focus on yourself and your life. there is plenty of material out there on how to pick up women and what not. there are a bunch of other threads in this sub-forum on tips on this same subject with some really good posts from other members.

my advice, take the time to analyze yourself, figure out who you are and who you want to be. once you know what type of man you want to be, formulate a plan of action (research, ask, experiment, observe, etc) and work at becoming that new man each and every day.

No related posts.

I just went on a great vacation in the San Francisco / Sonoma, and I can’t stop thinking about that part of the world. However, I know it will be difficult to make enough money to get by there. It might actually be worth it to be around new types of people.

I’m 27-years old, and I feel static like I don’t have much of a future aside from doing the same shit over and over, year by year, while living in one part of the world. I feel particularly like I’ve been meeting the exact same woman, over and over for the past decade, regardless of how I alter my behavior…which probably means I’m not altering my behavior, lol.

Is all this crap illogical?

Spent my whole life living outside the Washington D.C. area. Went to visit Yosemite and Tahoe on vacation 5 years ago, moved to Tahoe 6 months later. Im pretty damn happy about the decision.
I have that urge too, and I just moved to Rochester, NY last September. Now I’m moving to a small town an hour away for an engineering internship. I’m excited about it but also a little worried since it is a town of 6,000 people. Not sure what I’m gonna do with my free time over, especially meeting people my age (20s).
I moved from N. Idaho to Georgia 5 years ago.

A move is refreshing, though hard. Go for it. Worst that can happen is you decide to move back, right?

Arent you close to the Adirondacks? Should be tons of fun up there if you like outdoors.
I’d feel that way if I lived in Texas

But seriously, I’m from California and I cant wait to move back one day. As Led Zeppelin says, "the West is the best!" But I also live in Florida now and love it. I personally can’t stand Texas, Oklahoma, and I could never actually live in New Orleans.

I’d say think about it if you actually had the money and knew what you would do there for work.
I’ve lived in CA most of my life, but have moved around a lot. I spent about a year in Florida and didn’t like it much. I mean I had a blast and all, but I had never felt so home sick before.

The first time I traveled alone I went to Pennsylvania and Ohio. I could see myself living there and also North Carolina and Maine.

Sometimes change is good, but be sure that you’re running to and not away from something.
I would love to move out of Texas…not because I hate the state [I love it here] but because I feel like I need a huge change in my life. I hate the feeling of stagnation.

I agree. I feel like i know everyone here. I want to be in a new culture. Its like you grow up wherever because that’s where your parents decided to raise you, once you grow up, you need to pick a location / culture with what you’ve become.

Exactly! I adore the culture here in Texas, I do….but even if it’s just to another city in TX, I need a new atmosphere. I can’t wait till I can save up enough money to move….
DO NOT move to Marin/Sonoma. I can assure you of this.

I’m a graduate of a HS in that area. Look at my location, i’m long gone.

I don’t miss it nor would I even move back if I had the chance to.

SF is cool if you have that kinda money. My friends there like it.
Dissatisfaction with your situation isn’t always a bad thing. The people who don’t feel it (or bloack it out) wind up doing the same thing because it’s easy. It’s not very fulfilling though.

If shit isn’t to your liking, change it! It’s a pain in the ass butit sure beats feeling like you’re suffocating. I know – I flipped my whole life upside-down about a year and a half ago.

It was early 2006. I was pretty well established in a good (if not great) job. My setup was not bad in its own modest way. I had plenty of cash – bills were always paid with no trouble and I had plenty of play money too (perhaps too much – I didn’t realize how much I was spending until I started saving for the move ).

Even with the financial situation, I just wasn’t happy. I liked my job but I couldn’t see it being a career for a number of reasons. One, there were other things I’d rather be doing. Two, I had pretty much maxed my earning potential at that company. So I decided to change it.

So here I am. 2200 miles from where I was and starting over. It isn’t easy – right now I’m temping for an embarrassingly small wage while I try to forge a new career. Believe me, living with no buffer cash is fucking scary. I don’t even care about the spending money so much. All the same I’m trying. I know I’d hate myself if I were still coasting at my old job. Things are starting to happen, so hopefully the money will come soon.
Hmm…I’ve thought about living in different parts of the country and in fact, I might move. But you know, moving simply to satisfy "The Grass is Greener" syndrome is kinda silly to me. I mean living anywhere has it’s positives and negatives.

But you travel a lot with your job so perhaps you have more data on these other locations than I do. I dunno, if I’m moving anywhere, it’s either to Denver or Dallas.
I moved to NC from NH on a snap decision with $600 to my name. I stayed with a friend for a while, and then met my now husband. If I hadn’t made that snap decision to move my life would be entirely different. I wouldn’t be financially stable, I wouldn’t be married and I certainly wouldn’t be getting ready to try having a baby. I’d at most be a hair dresser living in an over-priced apartment in a boring ass town.
You only have one life. Do what you feel compelled to, just have some sort of back up plan (even if it’s living in your grandma’s basement) just in case you decide you don’t like it or everything goes wrong. You never know what’ll happen or how it can change your life until you do it.
I say do it.

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