You need to get into the state of mind that your education is important and is costing you or your parents a shitload of money. While you may not be making the payments now, when you are outta school and cant land a job because you performed poorly in school you will kick yourself in the teeth for squandering your education over an extra hour of sleep.

I wake up at 515am every morning for my job and aside from some tea or an energy drink, making a living is motivation enough for me.
i literally throw myself out of bed. my alarm goes off twice, once for me to semi wake up and hit snooze, the 2nd time for me to really get up. i dont really open my eye until after i go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. it never has gotten any easier for me, and the fact that its completely dark at 6am makes it even worse right now
I want to do good in school, so I have no choice some days
I do well in school though haha, thats the funny part. And it’s me who is paying for it. I receive $0 from my parents.

I guess its just because it was a stupid class I said fuck it…I wish I had a more important class on T/Th mornings.

Moreso I was just looking for tips on how to wake up…like have a countdown, make coffee/tea/hot chocolate when you wake up, lots of alarms, etc. I have only my phone’s alarm right now and I hate that son of a bitch so much…it just goes beep beep beep. The weird thing is though sometimes I wake up like 5 seconds before it starts to go off.
I was like you once. I thought 9am was "really early". I worked 2nd shift, got up around 10-1030 in the morning, stayed up til midnight.

Guess what time I get up for work now? 5:30. AM. Why? Because I have to be at work at 730, out the door at 630 so I can get to the parking lot and catch the shuttle to work…

Do i wish I could go back? Actually, no. It’s somewhat of a pain to get up, but it’s nice to get out of work at 430 and have time to relax in the evening or be social if I want.

However…it really comes down to age. In college, it’s the norm to sleep in all day and stay up all night. Once you get out of college and working, it’s no longer the norm.

And like someone else said…when you’re working full time, you are motivated to get up for the money and benefits…college is harder because you don’t have any tangible motivators for going to classes.
A stern threat from my department chair did the trick.
Yeah I think it’s because anything before 10 AM in college is like dead. Its completely silent and there is basically no one awake. I hope to take some later classes next quarter. For now, I try to go to bed "early"….early to bed for me is before midnight…that is a rare occassion though.
Because class = a job. And you guys obviously know all about me…lol I didn’t make this thread to get critiqued…I made it for tips on how the fuck to wake up haha.

I thought that would help me when I was a freshman… it only made the problem 10x worse

Yeah ahah then I’d end up sleeping in even later and going to bed even later…fawk. I think once I move out of the dorms and into my apartment I will go to bed earlier…here it seems like there is always something going on at night to keep me up.
I take a nap in the afternoon so for me its just getting through the day
1st alarm is set an hour and a half before I need to get up so I can hit the snooze at least 7 times before I have to drag my fat ass out of bed. 2nd alarm is set to the last possible moment before I have to get up. First alarm is the radio, 2nd is a buzzer.

I HATE that buzzer. I try to make sure I’m up before that fucker goes off

Oh, and I also use one of these when I’m at the SO’s house so I don’t wake him up

When that thing starts vibrating under your pillow, you’ll never get back to sleep.

There are better ones here

yeah that didn’t help either. my neighbors ended up being way too fun.
I’ve trained my body to wake up at the same time everyday, and I NEVER use the snooze button.

My body knows once that alarm goes off I need to get up. As long as your body knows that it needs to start moving once your alarm goes off and you have your alarm set at the same time throughout the week (Including weekends), you don’t even need the alarm anymore

And yes, I’m a college student too… anything before 9 is empty

As a matter of fact, anything before noon is usually empty
Lol, I wake up at like 5:00AM on MWF, 9AM T/Th and then on weekends I have to catch up on sleep and am usually drunk/hungover so I wake up at like 12-2PM.

well, no wonder you can’t get up or sleep.

Find a consistent time that you can get up EVERY day. Your current sleep schedule is confusing as hell for your body.
Today was epic fail. Woke up at 5AM, went running, came back, start doing HW in bed, next thing I know I’m 100% asleep and I wake up at 3PM. SHIT!!!!!!!!

I used to that shit in college. Now I wake up at 5am or 4am everyday. I work 4 days a week at 6am and the day I don’t work I’ll take it easy in the morning, but I make sure to get out of bed. However, my body now wakes up at 5am regardless of alarm clock or not, kind of sucks on vacations.
Here’s the deal.

If you want to wake up early, you have to go to bed early. It really is that simple.

I’ve also read somewhere that the BEST sleep you can get is the sleep you get BEFORE midnight.

I’m in the same boat as you (except I have a job and I don’t sleep in as bad as you do–I’m usually like 15 minutes late for work).

Essentially, it got to the point where my boss had to give me a verabal reprimand and is going through the steps if I fuck up anymore, so I’m FORCED to get up on time or face going down the steps of correction towards getting fired.

Here are the things I’ve done that have worked for me:

1. Buy a new alarm clock. You’ve conditioned yourself to sleep in to your normal alarm clocks, so now you need a new sound that you are going to train yourself to listen to.

2. Go to bed BEFORE midnight NO MATTER WHAT. Seriously, even if it’s 11:30 (which is when I go to bed now), you have no idea the difference that that makes. Like I said, your best sleep is going to happen before midnight, so I suggest going to bed on weeknights as early as 10:30 or 11 PM.

3. Drink two large glasses of water before going to bed. Trust me, this is the most effective thing I’ve done to date. Nothing like having to piss like a ten-peckered billy goat to get you out of bed.

4. Wake up at the same time EVERYDAY. Even on the weekends. Now here’s the trick, on the weekends you don’t have to STAY up, but you do have to wake up and go through your daily rituals as if you were going to class. It’s the habit of waking up at that same time everyday that you are going for. When you’ve gone through your routine (piss, shower, eat breakfast, whatever), feel free to go back to bed.

5. Reward yourself for good behavior. Every so often it’s nice to wake up and go "hey, i deserve a reward for this." This is going to sound stupid, but I LOVE McDonald’s breakfast (particularly their bagels). So every couple of weeks, when I wake up early enough and have been doing well, I reward myself with going to McD’s for breakfast. I know that’s a retarded reward, but it’s given me SOMETHING to look forward to. I hate my job, so the fact that I hate my job makes me not want to get up to go to it. But if I give myself a reason to get up or a reward once in a while, it helps immensely.

6. This is going to sound off the wall, but it worked for me. Practice getting up. I know it sounds stupid, but it works. What I mean is, for the next couple of evenings, set your alarm for a minute or two ahead of the current time, get yourself down in your bed as if you are going to sleep, and close your eyes. When the alarm goes off, IMMEDIATELY jump out of bed, shut it off, and go through the motions of your morning routine. Do that for 20 or 30 times, for a couple of nights. You’ll be surprised at how effective it is because it’s essentially training you to jump out of bed automatically whenever you hear your alarm, and it worked very well for me.

7. Finally, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GET USED TO HITTING SNOOZE. Snooze is a death sentence for people like us. When you train yourself to use snooze, you are only making the situation work. When you set your clock fast to "trick yourself" you are only making the situation worse. All those little stupid things you do, are only making things worse. Set your clock for the EXACT time you want to get up (not early, don’t set your time fast or anything like that) and then GET UP when the alarm goes off and resolve to never hit your snooze button ever again.

I’m going to try this. Right now it’s having two alarms on both corners of my room so I HAVE to get up out of bed to turn them off. But on the desperate occasions… I get up out of bed, turn them off and then hop back into bed
get one of these, i got mine for ~15 on ebay

the quote is incorrect: you can set it as a normal alarm clock
^ Don’t try that gimmicky shit. All you are going to do is conditon yourself to where the only thing that will get you up is something extremely loud.

Seriously, all you’ve got to do is follow my advice and train yourself to respond to your alarm clock.

Yeah, I got so bad that I had two alarm clocks–one by the bed and one across the room. And I conditioned myself to jump out of bed, hit snooze on both alarms and then jump back into bed.

Make sure you follow all (or at least most) of what I said in that post. All the stuff combined will almost ensure that you’ll always get up. The most important parts to follow, though are to never hit snooze, go to bed before midnight (but preferably 10:30 or 11), and get on the same exact sleeping schedule everyday. If you don’t do those things, then you will battle the mornings everyday for the rest of your life.

If you follow my advice, you can actually condition your body to wake up before the alarm clock ever goes off.

it gives me fish burps

dispatch would call and tell me to get my ass in; i’d fall right back asleep and not even know i talked to them

The best thing that ever got me out of bed in the mornings was moving my alarm clock. When it was next to my bed, I would just keep hitting snooze and sleep in. Moving it across the room and turning the volume up will force you out of bed to shut it off. From there you may as well just get ready for your day because you’re now up and out of bed.

even enteric coated ones? they have a coating that’s slow to dissolve so that you won’t get fish burps

LOL that’s quite the article you got there…I’ll give it a try. Thanks.

not to mention, it would be a great way to damage your ears…or really annoy others if you slept anywhere but your own place.

Yeah, I’ll be living in an apartment with my SO in a month in the same bedroom and he would KILL me if it went off at like 5:00AM. I wake up to pretty much anything anyway…my phone alarm is not like super loud or anything. Sometimes I’ll wake up, turn it off, then see my bed and climb back in and be like "I’ll get up in 5 minutes…" and then in 10 seconds I’m asleep again. Then I’ll wake up in like 35 minutes and have to rush to class.

Well, yeah, since I’ve failed at pretty much everything in my life, I usually have some sort of advice based on my own experience with said failure.

The "practice waking up" came from an online article about sleeping (Steve Pavolina is his name I think). The rest of it was just my own trial and error shit and stuff that has helped me and worked for me personally.
Truth

throughout college, i had quite a few 730 am classes. some were 4 days a week! i agree, sometimes it was hard, especially if it was cold. [on cold ~40ish degree nights here in orlando i would leave my windows wide open because i love to snuggle with lots of blankets ] my problem was making sure i’d wake up to hear my alarm . i’d usually just set 10 different alarms on my cell phone.

i guess it was easy for me because i knew that if i didn’t go to class and get the notes [some classes i recorded the lectures --- pchem, advanced analytical chem], there was no way that i would pass the class. also, it’s a real waste of money, imo.

i now get up between 4-5am at least 2-3 times a week. i have a ~1 hour commute to work. what motivates me? i would get fired if i showed up late, and i absolutely hate being late. it’s rude.
I’m pulling an allnighter…bad idea, I know…but it was like 1AM and I had TONS of energy and had caffeine recently, so now its 3AM and I have to be up at 5AM so I was like might as well. Gotta work on some homework anyway.
Fuuuucckkkkk….all nighter failed miserably. I really need to get my head back in the game and work harder at school in general. I work really hard and get my work done 95% of the time, but that 5% is really lacking and is really going to fuck me over big time. There’s always like 3 projects/tests in a class or so….so if you miss one you’re like fucked.

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The reason I’m so upset is because with school and work I haven’t been a great grandson lately. She passed away on Sunday and the last time I had seen her before that was 9 days prior — we watched the presidential debates at my house and I took her home. Thank God I told her I loved her when I did. I’d give everything I own to have 10 more minutes with her and tell her thank you for taking such great care of me as a child and apologize for not being there as often as I should have lately, but I never got a chance to and I have a feeling she may have died thinking that I didn’t care about her.

I feel like I’m going nuts. I even called her still-active cell phone and left her a voicemail apologizing and telling her I love her and miss her.

I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Any suggestions?
man, you have to let it go. everyone passes on i’m sure she knew you loved her very much. she sounds like a great women and i doubt she had any thought that you were being a bad grandson. It’s just the shock that shes gone, give it awhile and just relax and heal.

that’s my .02 , peace
she knew you were busy with school and work, and she would have wanted to take care of those things as well. i have no doubt that she knew how much you loved her and i dont think she would have felt you were a bad grandson at all

i know its hard, but you cant beat yourself up about any of that. you did the best you could and she knew that and she appreciated everything you gave

talk to your family about the fun memories. let yourself laugh and cry with them and keep the great memory of your grandma alive
Thanks for the nice posts, guys. It’s just such a wake up call… My grandpa (her husband) is barely alive with alzheimers in a nursing home. Doesn’t talk or recognize us. My other 2 grandparents always lived 1000 miles away and are both long dead. So I’ve never had anyone close to me die and it’s really the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. I’ll tell you one thing, when I have kids, they’re going to be visiting grandma and grandpa once a week, and calling 3 times a week until they both pass on.
Any other advice? I’m having a rough morning. Nostalgia is kicking in and it’s awful.
I know what it’s like to lose someone close…I lost my mom when I was 14. I only have one grandparent, my grandma that I love dearly. What are your religious beliefs?
It sounds to me like you were a very good grandson. You took her shopping, had her over to watch some TV with you and overall looked after her. I KNOW she was probably thrilled to be with you that night when you two watched the debates. Grandparents love to be with their grandchildren no matter what they are doing. It sounds like you were very caring of her and I’m sure she knows how much you love her.

Don’t let it get you down. Death is apart of life. Although grim, everyone must pass some day, sooner or later.

I hope that one day I can be as good of a grandson as you were to your grandmother. I have not seen my grandparents in years as they live in Europe, but still…I should fly them out here or me fly to them one of these days.

Hope you can feel better soon.

there is no trick to feeling better after you loose someone you loved. it hasnt been that long and you will probably feel pain for a while. eventually, you start to feel better, start to smile more instead of cry when you think about her. the only thing that heals the pain is time, and even then, you probably will never be healed completely. she meant a lot to you, its going to be hard no matter what

my mom passed away 9 years ago. i spent a month home from school until i felt the need to get back to life and attempt to be normal. it took me probably another 4 years to really feel a lot better. but even still, 9 years later, i still think about her and miss her every day. i dont think you ever fully get over something like this, you just move forward and learn to live with the situation.

Thanks for the great post! It made me feel a lot better. I think another part of the problem is she put in her will that she didn’t want a funeral, or an obituary, or anything like that. So we had her cremated and we are having her remains buried near a little creek in a peaceful little cemetery near here. Without a funeral, it’s hard to get a chance to say goodbye.

I have to go over to her apartment and help move stuff out of it this weekend. That could possibly be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. WOW.

I’m a non practicing Catholic. I try to believe in an afterlife because it’s very comforting, but when everyone I know is an atheist or agnostic, it’s really hard to take it as seriously as I want to.
Do you think starting to attend church may help ease the loss?
For me, it helps to believe that people I love that have passed on are in heaven. However, if that isn’t your cup of coffee, do you like to write at all? It can help to write a poem, song, story, letter, or you can journal. If you have pictures you can make a scrapbook.

In the end though, you’ll move on with life, but you’ll always miss your grandma. The best thing you can do is keep her memory alive by doing something that she loved. Make her proud with your actions.

I like the heaven idea and I’m considering going to church again. It helps a lot.

I did write a letter to her which I asked to read at her funeral. Hopefully I can get through it without breaking down.

Here’s a strange story: I play the guitar and was listening to and playing the song "Let it Be" by The Beatles when my cousin called me to tell me to go to the hospital on Sunday. Later that night, I looked at the meaning of the song and it was written by Paul McCartney about his deceased mother (Mary) who came to him in a dream. My grandmother is also named Mary. What a crazy coincidence. If only my gram would come to me in a dream and let me know she’s safe, then I’d be totally fine!
Well maybe you could play that song for her. Let it ring all the way up to heaven. Or maybe she is not in heaven…she could be right next to you as you strum away. Music always helps me get through harder times so hopefully you can find a way to help you get through this period in your life.

Well that’s good. Glad to hear that. The truth usually does feel good.
Imagine if you were the one who died instead of your grandmother, would you be happy to see everyone in misery because of you passing away, of people who would be in tears, grieve and being unhappy for many many years if not the rest of their lives because of the loss of your life? Of course not, you would want them to be happy and live their lives to the fullest and smile.

Your grandmother would want the same for you, so instead of dying for your grandmother,start living for her.

And don’t worry , she knows about the great love you have for her in her heart. And simular you will always remember her in all your love in your heart.

But ehm really i wouldn’t force your kids to see their grandmother that much, they might not share the same sentiments, and if they are forced to do such a thing will only spawn resentment, make it a free choice of will for them.
That’s good you like the church and heaven thing. Also…God heals all. Praying won’t hurt.

"Let it be" is a great song. Maybe it’ll always remind you of your grandma now. I can actually play a little of it on piano.

If you didn’t have any dreams of her yet, you probably will soon. I still have dreams of my mom even almost 10 years later now after she passed. Hopefully your grandma will come to you in a dream, too.
You are a better grandson than you think. Don’t beat yourself up, your grandma loved you and there’s no way she died with anything but appreciation for you. It will take time, but things will get better and you will stop blaming yourself.
Thanks guys. I’m feeling a little better — it’s still so hard. She didn’t want a funeral so we’re having a family party tonight and I have to read a letter I wrote to her. Hopefully I can get through it without crying.

I guess the main feeling I have at this point is I don’t want to do anything fun or move on and be happy because I feel like I’d be betraying her, even though I know that’s what she would want me to do.
Hey look its good to let it all out and say and feel everything you want to feel, just let it all go. Give yourself all the time you need before you pick up your life and move on.

Just to let you know, you can cry if you need to, let it out if you need too.

It seems you had a very special relationship with your grandmother too, you should be very proud of that.

My father died of cancer when I was 19, and I also had the same feelings of guilt when i caught myself not thinking about him. Keep at it man, death is always tough to swallow.
Feeling a little bit better. Not having a belief system really makes it harder… Death is so permanent. I went to church today but there’s so much skepticism everywhere about god and the afterlife that I can’t get myself to believe it.
better goto and , real people with real experiences.
My prayers go out to you, your grandma and your family I’m so sorry for your loss

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I dunno, just saying.. it’s kinda depressing really… My friends always tell me how impressed they are when they see me meet a chick.. but it never goes anywhere

Do you think you are making a connection with these girls? Or is it one sided conversations and weird glances? What is your body language like? How about theirs? In general, people subconsciously decide if they want to continue any form of a relationship with you (not always romantic) with in the first 5 minuets of meeting.

yes.. they seem really into me, it’s not a one sided convo.. they laugh, they are open.. like there is this girl in my computer science class.. she’s the only hot chick in the class.. so everyone’s been sackriding her since the beginnin of the class.. so last week, she sat with the guys she sits with and beside my friend and i was on the other side of my friend.. and the whole class she was talkin to me, the guys she’s been hangin out with were tryin to get her attention.. after we left, the friend in the middle was like man you are my hero, these guys have been tryin to pick her up for a month and you just did so much more in just one hour.. and shit.. i got her number couple days ago.. but i dunno, i feel like it’s already gettin too late with this chick before i should prolly do something
If you have her number call her! She wouldn’t give it to you if she didn’t care. Obviously ask her out to coffee or something none threatening but date like. Once you have that date you need to keep her interest. Is that where it usually goes downhill?

yea i think so.. i think i use all my jokes or stuff, and it impresses them then it starts becoming dull and friendship like.. and i can’t get into that romantic stage.. it’s hard to explain
do you have any substance to you, or just the pick up stuff?

my guess is that you present one type of person when you pick them up and then once you go on the date, you show a somehow different side that the girls are not as attracted to. not saying that there is specifically anything wrong with who you are, but maybe you are picking up ladies that dont mesh well with your real self and they are not prepared for who you present on the date

does that make sense?
Only you can control where it leads. It sounds like you are sabatoging yourself for some reason. You know you can get numbers and get girls interested but you stop it before it gets physical for fear of commitment or something…

How much effort do you put into trying to get these girls to hangout with you again?

it could be right.. but i have a pretty good life goin on i think.. not boring or anything.. i go out, i play guitar, full time student, i work too.. but you may be right, because people might be thinkin that i am like a party-animal when they first meet me or something which i’m actually not

i put effort into it, i get discouraged fast, i think but i try but once i see a sign that they are not or might not be interested, i move on…
ok i met this really hot chick in one of my classes, the next day there was a guitar hero competition thing and we were gonna go to that, i got her number, called her the next day, she didn’t pick up.. i left a message.. never returned the call.. then i sent a text message that night (something like "too scared to face me in guitar hero" because we were jokin about kickin each other’s asses in guitar hero and shit) and she never replied.. so that was it for me.. i even deleted the number.. should i have tried harder?
no, trying too hard is a turn off too.

you need to learn that sometimes, you guys just wont mesh well together. and thats fine. keep putting yourself out there, talking to girls, finding girls you like. the more girls you talk to, the higher your chances of finding a girl who is into the same type of things you are.

are you only hitting on/talking to one type of girl? or do you talk to a lot of different types?
no actually i don’t try too hard.. and i always think maybe i’m not trying hard enough…

sendin that text message to that girl was a long-stretch for me.. i would usually call, leave a message.. and wouldn’t talk to them again until they called… but i dunno sometimes i think i’m not tryin hard enough (tryin to play it cool) that they lose interest..
i disagree. i think you did your job by calling and leaving them a message

if these are girls who require you to chase after them and call multiple times before they return a phone call, you dont want to be involved with them anyway

which is why i will ask again, are you only asking out one type of girl?

no, actually i ask any attractive girl i can meet… it’s been almost a year since i had a gf, so gettin desperate a bit too so i don’t ask out only one type of girl…

it’s cuz ur too nice.
gotta get flirty cuz girls liek assholes more than nice guys, figuratively speaking.
and i kno someone’s gonna tell me about "sensitive guys are awesome" but those guys are flirtatious too, u have to make a woman feel a little naughty too, not just good conversation.

cuz here’s what happens:
"oh, i rly liek him, but i don’t wanna fuck him"

then ur fucked(well ok, ur not fucked,). try again.

i’m not too nice.. i know that for a fact.. i know about the cocky and funny thing and that’s just my personality… I know being too nice is not my problem..
people always tell me i’m an asshole (jokingly, because i tease people, make fun of them in a funny way where we are all laughing)
here’s the rule: Leave ONE message, then wait for her to get back to you. I mean think about it…every girl with a cell phone knows how to tell when she has a voicemail. Leaving multiple messages screams "I have nothing in my life to do but wait around for you to fill my time!"

It’s completely up to her whether she wants to get back to you or not, but by leaving just the one message, you won’t be worrying and waiting around for her to call back.

If she doesn’t call back, no big deal. Leave your message, then go out and find something fun to do.
lol i know that’s exactly what i do… i know just to leave one message which is what i did..

anyways.. movin on
Exactly what happened to me in my high school years.

I was too shy to even figure it out.
well that makes 2 of us.. although i’m not shy at all

what happened since then? how old are you now?
i guess i’m just gonna have to keep tryin until i get it right

Well i met the girl of my dreams and i don’t look back.

I can relate to a girl if we see each other a regular basis, but other than that, i am too shy to even talk to a girl.

It will come, sooner or later.
kino escalation, bro

once you establish that initial connection through your jokes and stories you need to get physical..physical

you might be right.. i don’t do any physical touches… are you talkin about like patting on the back or touchin her arm and shit?
Hey, my special number is 2 dates then they just blow me off after that.

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I was down in Hong Kong and Guangdong, China last week… lady I know introduced me to her friend who really had a thing for me. She just flat out told me since I don’t think she knew how else to approach it. This girl’s from Zhuhai, mainlander tried and true. Thing is.. I really liked her, too. Now I’m back in the US and we’re 13 hrs away…. Not a huge thing, this is 2008.

She speaks moderately good English so I can get points across to her via MSN or email but here’s my main question:

I know next to nothing about Chinese "courtship" customs, ie, what is acceptable/not acceptable but also, I have no idea how to even proceed.

This is a weird question, no doubt… we’re both on opposite sides of the planet but the last thing she said to me was basically"keep in touch.. I really like you" when she gave me her MSN info. Sure beats cell phone charges…

I’m as white as snow and don’t know a lick of Chinese. I have a lot of Asian American friends but they’re all ABCs.. not China-Chinese.. my other friends who are "Chinese" are really from Taiwan which is like comparing the US to South Africa due to their post-1949 history, so they’re really no help.

Need advice! Anything? TIA

My girlfriend is from Italy. It’s different there too. The key is learning! Get yourself a lonely planet guide for learning Chinese, learn the language. The book also teaches you about customs, sex, everything.

Use cheaptickets.com to buy flights. You can stay 3 months at a time, and she can do the same probably. Or you can just go back and forth based on your finances.

Me and my girl do it.
Is that guy that was going to meet a girl in China off the internet still around?
my girls from vietnam and it’s a culture shock to be sure…

i’d think twice about asian culture, it’s much different than european/white culture

I mean this nicely…but why bother?

You’re way far apart…what are you expecting to come of this?

you’re right… that’s a big thing.

The world is small and it’s a 15 hr flight though

Being serious… distance isn’t a huge problem but trying to figure out such cues are… thanks for the replies.
it would be hard to read cues, if she speaks moderately good english. she might not know how she is saying it, or how you would take it, or give u the wrong idea

i dunno what advice to give you.. i dunno if this is something that can work out taken the distance as well as the language

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I’ve always been a really smart person, but always had trouble being successful in school. I pretty much coasted through elementary/high school/first year of college without studying much, turning in half-assed homework to keep my grades decent but bombing tests because I have never really learned to buckle down and study.

I’m 19, Electrical Engineering major, introverted, only 1 real friend that I hang out with (which is fine, I’m not very social at all). I work 25 hours a week and have 14 credit hours. Free time consists of building computers, video games, playing in the Engineering labs at school and that’s about it. I love my major which is why I chose it, but I’m already starting to fall behind simply because I can’t focus enough to keep up with my classes. It’s to the point where I am this close to just choosing a dumb major that I can get out of the way without studying.

My first year of college was easy because it was all general ed classes with super easy tests. This year is harder with Calculus and some other math courses. My computer courses are all super easy as that all comes natural to me and I barely have to study. I’ve been doing all the homework pretty well but still have a poor test record. I’ve been trying to narrow down the problem since 9th grade and I’ve never been able to. Now that the work is so hard that it actually matters, I need to get it figured out. I’m completely behind on the subject matter and can’t focus for long enough to buckle down and get it. I don’t think ADD/ADHD is my problem.

I’ve thought maybe quitting my job would be best, but I really need the money since I don’t want to take out student loans. Aside from that, I don’t even think that more free time would solve my problem as I already have a reasonable amount of free time.

I hope anyone understands what I’m talking about. I know I just need to man up and do it but there’s some sort of mental block. Any help would be really appreciated.
I have serious attention issues when it comes to studying or writing papers. I attribute it to basically getting through high school without having to study. Not saying I didn’t have a rigorous course load, but I was always that person who just naturally understood and grasped things. I found into my junior and senior year of college (and even now in my first year of grad school), not having study skill bit me in the ass! When I’m studying or writing a paper, I always find other things to do – like shower, paint my nails, check my email, etc. I found that I have to FORCE myself to get things done in one of two ways:

1. I have to block out ALL distractions. Like, everything. This approach works better for me when I have a paper or reading or some other project due. For me, I would go to the library or a study lounge and sit in a room with NO COMPUTERS. (If I needed a computer to work, I would make sure it did not have internet access.) I would completely turn my cell phone off and just sit and study/work until everything was completed.

2. I break studying (mostly) up into time segments, because otherwise I go crazy. I give myself a set amount of time, say 30 minutes. After those 30 minutes are up, I usually give myself like a 5-10 minute break to do whatever – check my email, grab a snack, send a text message, etc.

The thing I’ve found that helps mucho in studying is making flashcards. It sounds so silly, but it really breaks up all the information, and forces you to actively participate in studying. It can be time consuming to make those flashcards, but if you put an effort into making them after each class, come test time, they’re done, and all you have to do is review them.

Don’t switch your major just because you "can’t" study – that’s a really silly reason to dictate what your life goals are. You just have to stay on top of things and discipline yourself accordingly. Also, make sure to start enforcing these habits now, because your last two years of college will (most likely) be the most challenging. If you have to lessen the amount of hours you work, do it, even if it means taking out a student loan. You have your whole life to work, no need to burn yourself out now and set yourself up for disaster.
what do you define as smart.. being naturally gifted/ talented and not having to study, or someone who works hard for what they want?

i forgot where it was, but there was an article on this. people who had the idea that they were "naturally" smart and gifted did worse on a problem given to them than people who weren’t as smart, but believed in trying hard and working hard.

"It’s to the point where I am this close to just choosing a dumb major that I can get out of the way without studying."

"I don’t even think that more free time would solve my problem as I already have a reasonable amount of free time."

since you have TIME to study, you should get down to it, work hard, and study for your tests.

i dont know if i am wrong about you, maybe i am, i’m just trying to help. pls don’t take it the wrong way

what is your mental block?

I’m not claming to be "gifted" or anything, but I know for a fact I’m a lot smarter than my grades let on. I completely believe that survey by the way. I had a friend in high school who tried even less than I did (and he seemed very intelligent) and ended up working as a trucker, while people of less intelligence who spend twice as much time on studying are on pace for a much better life. I guess my mental block is what was mentioned by the 1st reply. I keep finding other things to do. Most of my homework is done online (I hate it) and that’s what I study for exams so I’m always clicking around surfing the web.

For the person who asked about my major, Electrical Engineering is what I’ve had my sights set on for 4-5 years and is based on my long time interests. I’ve considered many times switching to Computer Engineering or Computer Science. If you’re going to hassle me because it’s too hard, please don’t. I get down on myself about it but I know I can do it and the last thing I need is people telling me it’s too hard.

lol, then he will get distracted even more

For real! I cannot study with other people because all I want to do is chit chat.

No I’m not hassling you based on the fact that EE is hard — which is most certainly is.

I more wanted to know what is pushing you towards it. Whether its truly a passion of yours — something YOU wanted, or someone else’s idea (like an overbearing father who thinks it might be a ‘solid’ career choice).

At least this is something YOU wanted, which gives a clear signal to proceed, otherwise I might think you don’t try because your heart just isn’t in it.

I remember a study that concluded intelligence is correlated to grades as follows: r=.9 for elementary, .8 for high school, and .7 for university. and so it follows that r^2 for university is only .49

Yeah…only 50% contributing factor. What’s the other half?
Hard fucking work.

Those of us who continued on to university all know damn hard workers who weren’t that smart — they did ok, maybe SLIGHTLY better than genius slackers like yourself….but point being that you really need a good measure of BOTH to excel.

And as you’re now well aware, EE is not something you can phone in….

You started off the thread by inquiring about possible motivation for not studying. As in…why do I slack? Why do I get distracted? Why can’t I focus?

I tend to think that the motivation for all that is pretty simple. Studying is damn hard work.
It ain’t pleasant, it isn’t always fun, and it’s usually pretty dull.

So why is it hard to persevere? Isn’t it obvious?

Who wouldn’t rather watch a movie than study? Maybe shoot some pool with your buddies? Blow off the whole evening fucking a cute girl?
All things infinitely more fun than studying vector calc.

You can however develop a studying rhythm that makes it more bearable. Once you develop a pattern, it just becomes a habit.

So next steps…:

Most big campuses have resources to help you with time management.

You just need to develop a system for blocking off your time, and even if you think you’re not being productive, you just need to stick to your schedule and put in the hours, as dictated by said schedule.

Go check out your student services association, they have some resources to help you with this. You’re not the first person to have trouble settling in — and plenty of people have gotten through it with just a little help in restructuring their time.

Update after you’ve checked out your school resources.

that’s the article i was talking about

First, you may want to be tested for ADHD.

Second, you must learn discipline. Many people think it’s just something you have, but in reality it is a learned trait. Essentially, use the library. I know you have one at your school. Go sit in the common study area with just your books and just push through it. Structure time in your day, everyday, for it, considering your major.

Possibly, write out a schedule for your day on your computer and post it as your background and homepage.
Thanks for all the great replies. I did go to the library at school today and had GREAT success compared to trying to study from home. I think if I sit and focus without any distractions (Internet/TV/phone/blablabla) I can do pretty well. I think the stress of falling behind in hard classes is really tough to deal with and that’s why I’ve been freaking out.

No related posts.

Background on myself

I am 24 years old, graduated from University of Utah where I majored in Urban Planning.
I graduated in May 06 and moved back to my hometown just north of Chicago to be closer to my family and for the new job I took.

Background on my job

I work for a custom home building business. The only two real employees are my boss and myself. We work as real estate developers and are the project managers for all the work we do.

I had no real experience in building so the last two years has been a lot of trial and error and my boss teaching me a lot and putting up with a lot. I finally feel as if I am “getting it” and am becoming rather proficient at my job, but not to the point where I have reached the end of the learning curve with my job. I feel what I have learned has given me a greater appreciation for the workplace and taught me things college never could have and this is why I am so loyal to my boss, he took a chance hiring me really.

Now I’ll speak of how my job actually stacks up:

Compensation:
I was to be hired on as an independent contractor. This works out great for employers as they don’t have to contribute to paying any portion of my taxes, health care, or retirement in any way.
The way we talked about it my compensation started out as follows:
$30,000 a year starting
cell phone bill paid for ~$150 a month
gas/vehicle stipend of ~$150 a month.

Pros:
• Being able to work easy hours. (9 – 4 usually)
• Driving around in my car most of the time listening to music and I am not confined to an office
• Taking off time when I want, be it vacation or I want to go to a Cubs game or something
• The chance to learn how the building business operates and be immersed in every aspect of it(as opposed to being in an office being just part of a puzzle). This is huge for me.

Cons:
• Im an independent contractor so I pay all my own taxes
• I pay for my own health insurance
• I put on a lot of miles and gas through my Jeep.
• No retirement savings acct to contribute to.

Recent History
Everything was going great for job-wise. In the first year and half I was working with the builder, we built (1) $2.5 million dollar spec house, (1) 4 million dollar spec house and acquired a great piece of property upon which to build a 6 million dollar spec house.

Then the building crisis hit that everyone is aware of. So here my company sits with three pieces of property that no one has bought and we are paying juice on every month, somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 a month. The future of our company lies in these properties selling. If they don’t sell, we can only pay out of pocket for so long before we fold.

To adjust we picked up 2 remodel jobs that had budgets of 200,000 and 420,000 dollars. We were the project managers for these jobs and our fee was 15 percent. The first job our take was $30,000 and the second job our take was $60,000 roughly. Of that, I was promised 10% of our net profits at the end of the project. So my take should be $9,000 dollars roughly. I quickly became the person managing these to projects on a day to day basis and felt myself doing the bulk of the workload. I do not find this a problem as I crave independence and working alone. I feel I can accomplish things much better this way. The subcontractors liked me and so did the homeowners. I feel it is fair to say I put my soul into these projects from beginning to end and we had no problem getting paid out in full. This is where I should expect my bonuses right?

The only problem is that my company is extremely strapped for cash right now, with no promises of more coming anytime soon. My boss has always stressed to pay subcontractors first and foremost and we have. Additionally, he always abided by the motto “you don’t steal from peter to pay paul”. My concern is that since we are running out of money as a business, the conversation may come up where my boss says he cannot pay me the bonuses for completing these projects, he has to pay bills instead. It will boil down to bonus money that is owed to me will have to be used to keep the company afloat. What the hell am I supposed to say to this if it arises?

I feel a certain amount of loyalty to my boss, he is a great guy at heart and has taught me quite a bit, but I also signed onto this job with expectations of getting paid for each project. My salary is mediocre at best. The reason for this is that I get paid via bonuses from each project, which motivates me to finish faster and do a good job, but now I may not even get that. But, its also not like my boss is hoarding cash for himself. Every dime we get goes towards paying the bills and he is surviving on credit cards basically.

So, what do I do now? We have two homes on the market, that if sold, I could receive commission checks totaling somewhere around $50,000. This could happen today or tomorrow or 1 year from now(provided we last that long) We just completed the two remodel projects where I am due $9,000. I love working at my job given what I am learning and the freedoms I have. I still receive my base salary of $30,000+remimbursments. If I quit, do I give up the guaranteed paycheck in these tough economic times?
I really am counting on these meager bonuses from the remodel job to move out of home, pay off my Jeep and get a place down in the city.

Cliffs:
• I work as a project manager for a construction company and love my job
• I make mediocre base salary and get bonuses when projects are completed
• The housing market sucks and my company picked up some remodel jobs in the mean time to pay bills
• We completed the projects, but my company is running low on funds.
• The conversation may come up where my company may not be able to pay me my bonuses.
• The answer is not as simple as QUIT. We have two completed spec homes where I could receive bonuses of up to 50,000 if they sell. The company is just one other guy and myself and he and I work great together and I cant really just tell him “go fuck yourself”
• I really am counting on the bonuses, but the company may not survive much longer.
• What the fuck do I do?

Once Again, I appreciate any and all that read my shit and can give me some advice!

From what I gather, you’re worried about not getting your bonuses, correct?

Bonuses are just that, bonuses. As in, optional, not guaranteed or expected.

As long as they can cover your minimum fees/pay, there’s probably not much you can do.
Kind of, but a bonus that is not guaranteed as i see it applies to projects like the spec homes we build. We may make a profit, we may show up with money at the closing.

The "bonus"(I should really redefine this) I receive for the remodel projects is a percentage of our profit that is to be paid to me at the successful completion of the project. We completed the project, the company took in X amount of money, I should receive 10% of x for the work I did, right?
I have come to terms with watching our spec homes sit and not receiving a dime for those, but these are actual projects we completed and got paid in full on.
But I also see your point in that I shouldn’t EXPECT them per se. I guess that is what bothers me so much. I was told I would be rewarded at the end and now its the end and the response could be "sorry, timing is bad, cant pay you". If this was a normal company I would go Office Space on the place, but I like my arrangement.
It sounds more like a commission than a bonus to me. And you are most certainly due your commissions.
I read your whole post but really don’t have much knowledge on the topic.. However, I came to say that’s some beautiful property you guys got there.
It’s not fair at all. You were promised a bonus and should receive it. You are an employee, not a partner. Though you don’t get the benefits for the amount of work that you do, you don’t have to face the risks either. If he absolutely can’t pay you the bonuses right now, then I would ask for a higher commission for when those houses do sell.
theres a savings acct you can contribute to: Its called the one you set up!!!!

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thoughts/comments?
Comments? Sure. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sounds like you shouldn’t be drinking in public if you get black out.
she could take you to small claims but from what you’ve said, I doubt she’ll get all of it. she knowingly put herself in danger for no reason AND you previously offered her the sum.

that issue has already been dealt with and resolved, lets focus on the present issue at hand of this bitch wanting me to pay her fucking medical bills, thanks.
Thoughts? Yeah….posts like this make me very thankful that I’m not going out to bars every night, caught up in all this drama. There’s more to life man…

Yes, you should pay her bills… you sound like a great guy.

eh…you sound like a pussy.

what kind of retarded generalization is that? yeah i go to bars every night, and dont do anything else with my life other than that…fuck out of here, you need a life if thats how you actually think.

Ok.

Edit: So do you want to fight about it or something? Oh wait…

Reading comprehension FTW.

I was talking about me, not you.

Look stay in school and stay out of the bars. Oh and you might want to learn to fight and drink so you don’t keep repeating these patterns.
where did the party happen? if it was at her house then her parents homeowner insurance could cover it
wait wait this whore swung on you? GOD NO YOU MAKE HER SUE

but id never pay anyones medical bills unless they sue me
You already offered to pay her medical bills. Don’t puss out now
do not listen to the nice guys. you gain nothing by paying the bills

if shes making you pay, then shes not worth hanging out with anyway.

her insurance or the homeowner (of where this happened)’s insurance should cover it

yes reading comprehension, you should take it for a spin, even if you were talking about yourself, it was still a retarded generalization. and i have 2 fucking degrees, and had a lucrative job, until the writers strike, thanks.

and learning to fight while black out drunk would probably make me send more people to the hospital so how does that solve the problem DUMB FUCK!?

outside of a bar…with insurance she still owes $1600. and thanks for sticking to the issue.

the issue is simple

1) if she wants cash to pay for it, shes not your friend.
2) she swung on you; got whats coming to her

the solutions even easier. Dont pay shit. she will have to file a small w. small claims and even then shed have to prove you did it and that her hands were clean. you just would say that she was drunk and swung on you and you did what you could to defend yourself.

shes not going to all of the sudden be your friend because you pay for it either…. shes still going to hate you. that part wont ever change.

*yawn* wow that failed….

shes not even my friend, she’s just some ghetto ass chick my friend is dating. On principle i dont want to pay this shit, but im probably gonna lose my best friend over this….

do I get banned for using this in the main forum e-thug.txt

God, you’re crabby. Do you want advice or do you want someone who only tells you what you want to hear? You need a sandwich or a nap or hug- something…

doo eeettt
let me just give my unsolicited opinion that you sound like you need a serious reality check/attitude adjustment and I’m surprised getting your ass kicked didn’t do it.

However…I would not pay her. She put herself in that situation and if she wants to seek legal venues to get her money she can try.
Save me from editing all these posts and keep it clean, calling eachother pussy,dumbfuck and what not is stuff for the main forum, serious discussions k, tnx.

Wrong. Unless there is more to the story, she would get every dime. Ive sat in on cases where someone was blatently instigating a fight, but never threw a punch. The other guy did. The other guy ended up in jail and paying all the bills. It doesnt matter that she put herself in danger, it matters that he made the swing and he turned things physical. He was the one out of line, and she would win EASILY.

She could also go to the local prosecuters office and sign an affidavit that you hit her, and you would be arrested and charged. Especially if there are witnesses. Id pay the bill before she realizes she can do this.
I’d tell her to go fuck herself (sorry for the swear word) and ignore it. If she takes you to court and wins, fine.. give it to her.
Unless going to court would cost you a ton of money

then.. give her some cash and be done with it

sorry, i wont curse in this forum again.

thanks for the insight, but she tried to punch me first, she made things physical, now whats the law on that?

eh…whatever doesnt kill me only makes me crazier…but in all seriousness im currently checking into anger management classes, getting a shrink, etc.

i admit i have a problem.
Don’t give her shit, if she takes you to Court countersue her ass for punching you.

Its so worth the risk though
Were there any witnesses besides your friends? If your friends were telling someone the story in court would they be siding with you or her as far as what happened? Did the police get involved or was there any kind of report filed? If there was no police report and it was just a bunch of people fighting outside and she went to the hospital on her own then I don’t know how much she could really do. Worst case scenario is she could take you to small claims court and then you’d have to pay her anyway I wouldn’t just give her the money without a fight though.

he’ll prolly dump her eventually and then will be glad you didnt pay her… you guys will laugh about it in a few months

friends are good enough for witnesses.
go meet her and give her some insurance applications and say nice day

If she really did get in the way then she needs to deal with it. It’s a nice gesture but girls do need to realize (even some guys) that sometimes getting in the middle of shit like that causes more problems than just the 2 guys going at it.

You need to stop drinking all together though, like yesterday. Because if this does go to small claims court it will help you out a lot if you can honestly say that you have not drank since that night because you realized what it did to you. If you get a judge that has a problem with alcoholics he may be easier on you (granted there is enough evidence even to get money from you) if he knows it was a one time thing.

dont do this, avoid all contact with her for a while.

I know. I was just making a point that maybe she should get health insurance so she doesn’t have these outrageous bills.

I’m glad to hear you’re trying to improve yourself. We have have faults…it’s when we don’t realize we have them and try to work with them or around them that they can really hurt us and the people around us.

Good luck!

He said she has insurance.

Either that was what she paid to meet her deductible, she has like a 60/40, 80/20 or something like that plan. Or her plan could just not cover ER services at all…I dunno. She could just be flat out lying about the amount too…who knows?

I had a supppper bad migraine a few weeks ago and went in and got a pain shot and that’s it. I was there about 1 1/2 hours from the time I walked in the door to the time I walked out. I expect the bill will be about $600-800. I have a high deductible plan with an HSA.

I go to a sepcial migraine clinic and usually see 3 people while I’m there: an MD, a NP, and a PT. The total time I’m there is around an hour and it’s usually about $400. Health care is expensive…especially specialized health care.
a few stiches = $1600? actually more assuming her health insurance covered part of it

Seems unlikely…but if he refuses to pay and she trys to get him in court he’ll find out.
actually 1600 is pretty reasonable for stitches and medical bills…. ER is going to be at least 500 dollar no matter what….. pending what drugs (if she got an IV) and how many doctors saw her (prolly just 1) the bill could easily be that

that could include an ambulence.

just her friends and my friend and they willl all side with her.

I played soccer a bit over a year ago and cracked my knee open after being tripped. My trip to the ER, 9 stitches on my left knee, and an x-ray cost like $2200. I had no say in the matter, the trainer wanted me to have it done as we were on a turf field and risk of infection was high.

And if all your friends, and her friends are going to side with her, I feel there is more to the story then you’re saying. So next time when you’re blackout and pushing around girls, after you hurt them bring them to the Urgent Care, as it’s less expensive than the ER.

my friend’s going to side with her because he’s a simp like you, and her friends met me for all of 3-4 hours, they’ve known her for years.

and let me explain this girls character:

she’s 6ft 2 inches, 34, single mother of 2 kids, ex gangbanger, "claims" to have beaten up 2 men, always trying to fight somebody, she stole a girls cell phone that night, and when confronted about it gave it back and said next time shes going to keep it because she’s ghetto and black. she then threatened to beat up the girls friend who saw her steal for being a "snitch."

her friends who are of the same ilk, were on her side in that matter.

my first reaction when my friend said we were meeting up with them, was to say take me home, i didnt.

so any more lame snide remarks?
34 year old? wow.

just stay the fuck away from that gruop of losers.

This is good to hear and I apologize for my previous comments.

There was a reason behind my posts…..to help illuminate an issue that I saw as glaringly obvious which is: You have anger issues. You are obviously aware of them and are working to correct them….that is all I was trying to accomplish.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that they help you deal with any anger issues you might have.

Now to answer your question directly….I would say that part of your issues have to do with the company you keep. In other words, it might cost you a friendship but are these really good friends in the first place? Perhaps it’s time to find friends that are more healthy to hang with??

I don’t know because I don’t know all the details nor do I know the people involved. however, if this kind of behavior has been an on going pattern, perhaps it would be wise to find other friends.

IMO that determination overrides whether or not you should pay for the med bills. If I were in your shoes, I’d consider that first….then let that decision drive whether or not to pay be med bills…along with the question, can you afford to pay them?

Good luck and God Bless.
cootie. . . .analyze the situation not the person! lol.

meh…more fun to analyze the person and there’s more to work with.

Yeah I wouldn’t think about paying her back then. Just don’t hang out with them again and wait for things to blow over. If you lose a friend then oh well. What kind of person would date a chick like that anyway? And can you really see a girl like that going to small claims court? I doubt she even has the brains to figure out how to do something like that. Just watch your back and hope they don’t come try to kick your ass later.

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I met him a little over a year ago. He’s a super nice guy. Good friend. Prefers to be in a relationship with a girl over being single. We are in the same National Guard brigade. He was engaged and was in a debt management program to consolidate about $20k in credit card and personal loan debt. I moved in with him in August when I got a new job. We work together and shared rides, living expenses, etc. We were going to go to Atlantic City to celebrate my new job. I found out right as I moved in that he had broken up with his fiancee, whom he was fully supporting while she was still going to school. He even bought her a new car. While we were eating dinner, he told me that the Atlantic City trip would have to be put on hold since he didn’t have any money to go. I said no problem, we can do it later on. He later tells me tha he is stretched to the limit financially and asks if he can borrow $500. Before I would consider it, I wanted to know what all was going on. He told me that he was behind on the payments on the car he bought for his ex (she was still driving it) as well as a few other bills (cell phone, etc). I delayed in giving him the money and he eventually stopped asking.

So he meets this girl in November. She’s super nice and a good match for him. I tried to tell him that he may not be in a financial position to be in the kind of relationship he wants to be in. He could casually date or whatever, but that would be it. He told me he understood, but not to worry. Everything would be fine. After about a month, he tells me that he is driving to Florida with her to meet her family (he moves fast in relationships). He tells me that they are staying at the house of a relative of hers and are getting free Disney World tickets. He had the vacation time at work too. I told him to take pictures and I would live vicariously through him. Half way through their week long trip, he calls me and says he needs to borrow $200 until payday (in 5 days). He asks if I could transfer the money to his account (we have the same bank). I agreed and asked for his information. He gave me the login for the website. I went on and got the necessary information. I also happened to notice that a Howard Johnson hotel in Florida had a hold on his bank account. He was staying in a hotel with her! I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to make it look like I was snooping, so I just transferred the money. When he comes back, he tells me that he has this great opportunity for me. HE BOUGHT A TIMESHARE! $170 a month for the next 10 years. He didn’t need this. Not at all. He tells me how he can go to any of this resorts locations for a discount. He was going to try to sell these vacations on eBay or to friends and family. I tried telling him what a bad idea that all was, but he didn’t listen. I think she had something to do with the decision.

During lunch one day, we got to talking about the situation with this other car. I told him he needed to take some pictures and attempt to sell it. He owed way more than it was worth. I even offered to give him part of the payment to let me drive it back and forth to my parents house (200 miles away). He wouldn’t do it unless I was paying all of the $396 payment. Come to find out he had made one payment on it since he bought it for his ex. The bank started calling him and he said he would be able to bring it up to date in March, which wasn’t soon enough apparently. Over Christmas, I get a text message from him. It reads "The bastards took the car". I knew they would. I went through the same thing almost 10 years ago.

In December, I accepted a transfer for work. I would be working an hour and a half away. I rented a room there and still kept the apartment. In January, he asked me if he could move his girlfriend in an rent would be split 3 ways. I said that was fine since I’m not there during the week.

So thats the background.

While at the apartment for a couple hours earlier, he received what sounded like 3 collections calls. Him and I both have state jobs that require security clearances. I know he wants to fully support this girl because thats the kind of guy he is, so I’m not sure how much of the living expenses he is paying and if she is paying anything at all. How can I relate to him the severity of his situation?

CN: Roommate is in financial ruin, but doesn’t understand how serious. How can I get the point across?
Your roomate needs to dump these women he is dating.

‘Hey honey, if you go out with me I will support you and you don’t need to work!’
WTF???
I mean, my wife is a housewife….. BUT SHE IS MY WIFE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

Dollars to doughnuts this kid has a self esteem issue.
sorry man as a man win a financial background….. jesus fucking christ.

you know you need to stop living with this guy.

soon he will stop paying rent

there is a chance that he might not be paying rent now. So if I were you I would make him pay you cash and THEN take that cash to pay rent.

do NOT pay him money and let him write the check to your apt manager

i had this happen to me one.

It doesn’t seem like its like that. This girl is super nice. He feels like its his obligation to support these women. He’s "traditional". When he moved her in, she would say for weeks that she felt like the was intruding. She would constantly ask permission to do stuff around the apartment. So I don’t think he’s whipped or anything like that. She is a legitimately nice girl.

I want to move out, but both our names are on the lease. I don’t think I can get out of it early.

I know he pays the rent on time. He’s pretty much kept this girl in the dark about his financial problems (he made up a story about the car repo) and not paying rent would make it obvious. He pays the things that matter. Rent, electricity, internet and WoW. His cell phone has been shut off before and I wouldn’t doubt the cable TV is behind. The only thing that has my name on it is the lease.
you do understand that if you give him money for rent. he may take that rent and use it for something else (since he doesnt have the rent money anyway)

i just want you to know this now. b.c i have had a roommate who was in debt, we gave him checks for rent, he took those checks and used it to pay for other things. then he hid the notices (from the landlord)

so be careful.

on rent- You credit scores ARE linked together here, and if he doesnt pay; it affects your FICO score (if you are sued for back rent)

This is obviously JUST a POSSIBLE hazard.

not that he does or doesnt do it (i would not know)

i just wanted to make sure you were aware.
Well just make sure the lease is paid and besides that, its not really your problem. this guy is obviously mad dumb. probably shouldnt renew the lease. But besides that, its not really your problem and you shouldnt be stressed over it
With people like your room mate, the key to solving the problem is by not getting involved and keeping yourself detached. Do not give him anymore money, and let him fall down the hole on his own.

In advance if you want to quietly find ways he can solve the problem, you can do that. However, I wouldn’t give him the answers until he finally hit rock bottom. People with this type of pattern don’t listen until they’re forced to.

Let him fall down, then be supportive when all seems lost and he’s ready to change.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think Metallic has the right idea. I tried telling my roommate that a bill collector is going to sue him for the difference on that car. He just blows that off as no big deal. I think that’s what it will take to get the point across.
I’ve used this technique with people in my life. The hardest part about it is patience and self control. It’s hard to sit back and not take control, and to leave the person to the consequences of their own making. It’s the fastest way in some cases to help them, and sadly that can often take years of patience.

Easy does it, sadly. Letting go, does it.

yep…perfectly said

oh, and if you ever loan money to family and/or friends, expect that you will never get it back. as long as you go into it with that thought, and still want to loan them money, then its all good
UPDATE:

Toyota sold the car (2007 Yaris 4dr automatic, 30k mi) for $9000 at auction, which I was incredibly surprised to hear. He owes approximately $6000 for the difference. He was offered to settle it for 50% of the value, if he can pay up front. However, he can’t. He’s going to try to work something out for payments, but I doubt that will work either. He showed me that he is all caught up on bills and told me not to pay my portion of the rent this month to cover the money I lent him. Looks like he is getting it turned around…hopefully.

Don’t be shocked if he doesn’t. I’ve seen this thousands of times.

Nothing surprises me anymore. I’m moving back to Pittsburgh in a couple months anyway and he said if I want to move out completely, I can. Clap my hands and walk away…blackjack dealer style.
Get away from this guy asap. It sounds like you’ve offered all the help and advice you could, and he refuses to listen. In college I dated a guy just like this (minus him supporting me). He worked full time, I part time yet he was always asking me for money. I found out he was spending his paychecks on CDs and other toys. He would skip out on his mortgage payment or his condo’s HOA if he got pissed off at them. He felt if he was wronged by the, then they didn’t deserve the money Doesn’t work that way, bud. Once I met the rest of his family I understood where it came from, and I RAN LIKE THE WIND away from them all.

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-A female friend of mine, who I have asked out twice and have been best friends with for 4 years, has a birthday today. This week, I offered to take her out for her birthday today and even got her a little present (nothing big, just a DVD). So, when i ask her, she starts making excuses that she is going to her parents and her parents may do something for her and then she has to work later tonight. Fine, work thing, we can do something before she has to go out.

So, I mention to her, how about I go to her parents place to wish her a happy birthday. After all, her parents absolutely love me, think I am the best thing to ever happen to her, etc. Her mom, is sort of like a mom to me. So, she turns it around and goes "well, I don’t know what I’m doing yet." So, I call her, she doesn’t answer. Text her a happy birthday wish and ask her if she is up for something. Don’t even get a thank you in return and it gets completely ignored.

By the way, I am now debating about completely ignoring her from on. I just can’t take this shit any more with these excuses.

-This week, my ex-gf pretty much got mean on me. She always does this before she sees a friend of hers, for some reason or another (female best friend of hers by the way, who didn’t approve of me 2 years ago because she thought I was too nice). So, I pretty much didn’t call her in a few days, but did her a favor by sending her a cd that she needed in the mail. I won’t get into the argument, it’s just stupidity that she should not have said.

So, I figured, it’s bee 4 days after she blew some smoke out of her ass, she’s been a good friend to me since July of 07, if anything, and she’s been here for me and my dad when needed. She is going to her parents for easter tomorrow, who only live 15 minutes away. They are having an easter dinner. So, I shot her a text message this, asking her if she got the cd and inviting her over for easter breakfast, figuring I’d be nice and me and my dad would like to have her here to join us. She’s ignored it, which leads me to believe she is still annoyed at me after this week for her own stupidity.

Is it that hard to just say "sorry, I can’t" and leave it at that? No need to ignore it and be a bitch about it. I guess her lack of response means no.

3.) Last night, I made plans to go out with a female friend in her town. Pretty much, i knew this girl from work, she no longer works with me and we have been friends for 7 years now. Lately, it’s been a trend with her. Make plans for a night, but not stick with the plans and not bother calling me. So, it seemed like last night she was set with our plans on going out. All her friends were out and it was just her and I. She text me early in the night, saying her brother was going to stop by and she will call me when he’s gone. I never got a phone call (I also fell asleep at 10pm anyway, so it worked out).

Needless to say, people are fucked in the head. I’m not pressuring anyone to do anything, just trying to be nice and make plans. I gives these girls enough of their own space and it’s been the same shit with them like this for a year. Obviously, they have problems of their own, and I think it’s about time I stop being nice to them and doing them favors, and get no thanks in return from any of them, only nonsense like this.

CLIFF NOTES:
1.) Female friend of 4 years has birthday, want to take her out and be nice, she ignores me.
2.) Did a favor for ex-gf, invited her to easter breakfast, she ignored me.
3.) Wanted to hang out with friend of 7 years, she said she’d call me when her brother left her house, no phone call, she ignored me.
4.) WOMEN ARE FUCKING WHACK!
LOl, and the subject should read "begining" not "begging" haha I need to get out of the house.

No one can drag you into their drama unless you willingly allow it, and they certainly can’t get you worked up if you choose to not get worked up. The key to avoid drama is simple. Do not talk to people about anything which you know will result in the consequence of drama. If someone tries to talk to you, tell them "I don’t want to talk about this." — If people persist, you walk away from them, or hang up on them. Be polite, but set a limit and say "This is the line, don’t cross it, k? thanks."

Once wasn’t enough?

At this point, I don’t negotiate a plan, I let the other person counter-offer, and if they don’t, I ditch them. A person who doesn’t counter offer after telling you "Sorry, I’m busy, or I’m working" doesn’t want to spend time with you. It’s that simple.

She’s not interested. She knows you are interested, which you’re making abundantly clear to such an extreme that it’s nauseating. No disrespect, but in situations like this, I tend to detach very quickly from people, and I let them come to me — I forget they even existed, literally. I’m very impatient when I sense someone is avoiding me or giving me excuses, and I’m quick to cut them off in order to save myself the extra time that would be wasted on their bullshit excuses.

Ignoring her is only good if you detach entirely emotionally, and also let go of any resentment or anger you have. You can feel the anger if you want, but you must do it on your own, not with her.

You are too nice. You need to start putting yoursel first and treating yourself with dignity and respect. Never undermine your integrity by associating with people who don’t want your company.

She knows she can say it, because she knows that CD will still come in the main rain or shine. I am not kind — though I am always respectful — to people who treat me poorly, or disrespect me. I am cold, detached and quick to make sure the drama, frustration, irritation or disrespect ends. I know I can’t change other people, so if I handle things appropriatley and the person still wants to act the way they’re acting, I make a decision to stop allowing them into my life.

I wouldn’t be petty, but I sure wouldn’t "try to be nice." I’m not disrespectful, but like I said, I don’t go out of my way for someone who has tried to press my face into the shit they just took.

Never wait for people to give you what you want, instead — take….what you want. That means often leaving people behind and forgiving them, if only to let yourself move on. I forgive people often who most don’t think deserve to be forgiven, but that’s how I terminate resentments and avoid hurting myself! Forgive, that way you can leave them behind, which is exactly where they belong.

That’s called "Date breaker" — they are red flags. They mean two things. 1: I don’t like you very much, and 2: I don’t respect you, hence I don’t waste all of 30 seconds calling you on my cell phone to let you know I won’t be coming. 3: If I do call, I’ll do it at 6:59 p.m. the very same night that I’m supposed to meet you at 7. That way not only can I be a total cunt, but now I can do it with pizzzzaz and style.

More red flags and more disrespect.

No, you’re being a nice guy douche bag and you need to realize that nearly everyone is going to fail you and fuck you until you set boundaries and start being highly selective about the kind of people you keep company with. Always dump the losers. Just like the stock market — don’t keep a losing stock, dump that shit and let your others ride. Hang out with people who respect you, and who do what they say they’ll do — who are consistent, and who walk the talk. Also, always make secondary plans. People can’t fuck you, if you’re already prepared with a chastity belt — be prepared, so when they don’t call, you’ll be too shit faced hanging out with some other chick to care.

Always look at yourself when you feel a lot of people are fucking you, because chances are that while they may be douche bags, you’re probably the main reason that they’re still present in your life. You have to decide what these people have to offer you, and stop trying to prove what you have to offer them.

Seriously man, take my advice and you’ll be happy. You won’t be a mean, lonely, desperate prick. You’ll be respected, polite and you’ll accept the world and people for who they are. You’ll weed out the users, losers, and shitheads. Detoxing socially is the best thing you could do for yourself, get rid of these losers and start being responsible for allowing people to continue treating you that way.
Hey, I appreciate the above response. While I have some rebuttles to some of it, it’s pretty darn straight forward and I really have nothing more to add to what was said.

My only question: Do I confront these girls on their bullshit or do I just ignore and move on? Ignoring it is easiest to do, but eventually they come back and make the same bullshit happen. Confronting them, makes it show I have some balls, but also may lead to me losing anything I have with them… so I’m in limbo.

Never argue with someone when you don’t have the answer. *grin*

No confrontation. Detach, and go on with life.

When they return, keep it simple. "What, my avoiding you wasn’t a big enough hint? Please do not talk to me, we’re finished."

There is no reason to bother communicating with someone who doesn’t respect you.

Confronting them makes you waste more time on someone who is just going to argue with you using excuses that don’t even have to be based in reality.

When people don’t respect you, you lose, so you must respect yourself enough to cut off people who abuse whatever you do offer, but you must never be a victim about it. You choose to give what you do, and if you have expectations, then that’s your choice. You must be responsible if you want to live a satisfying life.

weak. confrontation here shows you have NO balls. it means you’re out to satisfy your desire for answers and closure that you’re probably not going to get either way you go about it (as you’ve no doubt noticed, people lie). and even if you did get answers, you’d most likely just discover what we’ve already told you. and what’s even worse about the bolded statement is that you wanted to use confrontation as a means of leverage, not closure.

if you wanna show you have balls, have the balls to walk away from them without saying a word. they don’t come back unless you let them in.

next time you see them trying to get back in, be dismissive, but fairly nice about it. basically getting out of the conversation as quickly and smoothly as you can.
I agree with everything in this thread… Life is too short to hang on to things that ruin it for you..
Metallic Blue, I don’t always agree wholly with what you say, but in this particular thread I must say, flawless victory.

Hat’s off to you sir.

Well said.
lol female friend

Seriously, why call someone a friend when they are not?
ranger you’re the master of getting yourself in the freindzone with every girl you like, and unless your gay, all these female "friends" arent friends, they are just future targets.

get over yourself, or grow up.
People drag me into their drama, and then get me all worked up, etc. Fine, whatever… but when it comes to doing some nice things for people, I get a feeling they either don’t want me to do nice things or don’t want me around really any more. Case in point:

-A female friend of mine, who I have asked out twice and have been best friends with for 4 years, has a birthday today. This week, I offered to take her out for her birthday today and even got her a little present (nothing big, just a DVD). So, when i ask her, she starts making excuses that she is going to her parents and her parents may do something for her and then she has to work later tonight. Fine, work thing, we can do something before she has to go out.

So, I mention to her, how about I go to her parents place to wish her a happy birthday. After all, her parents absolutely love me, think I am the best thing to ever happen to her, etc. Her mom, is sort of like a mom to me. So, she turns it around and goes "well, I don’t know what I’m doing yet." So, I call her, she doesn’t answer. Text her a happy birthday wish and ask her if she is up for something. Don’t even get a thank you in return and it gets completely ignored.

By the way, I am now debating about completely ignoring her from on. I just can’t take this shit any more with these excuses.

-This week, my ex-gf pretty much got mean on me. She always does this before she sees a friend of hers, for some reason or another (female best friend of hers by the way, who didn’t approve of me 2 years ago because she thought I was too nice). So, I pretty much didn’t call her in a few days, but did her a favor by sending her a cd that she needed in the mail. I won’t get into the argument, it’s just stupidity that she should not have said.

So, I figured, it’s bee 4 days after she blew some smoke out of her ass, she’s been a good friend to me since July of 07, if anything, and she’s been here for me and my dad when needed. She is going to her parents for easter tomorrow, who only live 15 minutes away. They are having an easter dinner. So, I shot her a text message this, asking her if she got the cd and inviting her over for easter breakfast, figuring I’d be nice and me and my dad would like to have her here to join us. She’s ignored it, which leads me to believe she is still annoyed at me after this week for her own stupidity.

Is it that hard to just say "sorry, I can’t" and leave it at that? No need to ignore it and be a bitch about it. I guess her lack of response means no.

3.) Last night, I made plans to go out with a female friend in her town. Pretty much, i knew this girl from work, she no longer works with me and we have been friends for 7 years now. Lately, it’s been a trend with her. Make plans for a night, but not stick with the plans and not bother calling me. So, it seemed like last night she was set with our plans on going out. All her friends were out and it was just her and I. She text me early in the night, saying her brother was going to stop by and she will call me when he’s gone. I never got a phone call (I also fell asleep at 10pm anyway, so it worked out).

Needless to say, people are fucked in the head. I’m not pressuring anyone to do anything, just trying to be nice and make plans. I gives these girls enough of their own space and it’s been the same shit with them like this for a year. Obviously, they have problems of their own, and I think it’s about time I stop being nice to them and doing them favors, and get no thanks in return from any of them, only nonsense like this.

CLIFF NOTES:
1.) Female friend of 4 years has birthday, want to take her out and be nice, she ignores me.
2.) Did a favor for ex-gf, invited her to easter breakfast, she ignored me.
3.) Wanted to hang out with friend of 7 years, she said she’d call me when her brother left her house, no phone call, she ignored me.
4.) WOMEN ARE FUCKING WHACK!
LOl, and the subject should read "begining" not "begging" haha I need to get out of the house.

No one can drag you into their drama unless you willingly allow it, and they certainly can’t get you worked up if you choose to not get worked up. The key to avoid drama is simple. Do not talk to people about anything which you know will result in the consequence of drama. If someone tries to talk to you, tell them "I don’t want to talk about this." — If people persist, you walk away from them, or hang up on them. Be polite, but set a limit and say "This is the line, don’t cross it, k? thanks."

Once wasn’t enough?

At this point, I don’t negotiate a plan, I let the other person counter-offer, and if they don’t, I ditch them. A person who doesn’t counter offer after telling you "Sorry, I’m busy, or I’m working" doesn’t want to spend time with you. It’s that simple.

She’s not interested. She knows you are interested, which you’re making abundantly clear to such an extreme that it’s nauseating. No disrespect, but in situations like this, I tend to detach very quickly from people, and I let them come to me — I forget they even existed, literally. I’m very impatient when I sense someone is avoiding me or giving me excuses, and I’m quick to cut them off in order to save myself the extra time that would be wasted on their bullshit excuses.

Ignoring her is only good if you detach entirely emotionally, and also let go of any resentment or anger you have. You can feel the anger if you want, but you must do it on your own, not with her.

You are too nice. You need to start putting yoursel first and treating yourself with dignity and respect. Never undermine your integrity by associating with people who don’t want your company.

She knows she can say it, because she knows that CD will still come in the main rain or shine. I am not kind — though I am always respectful — to people who treat me poorly, or disrespect me. I am cold, detached and quick to make sure the drama, frustration, irritation or disrespect ends. I know I can’t change other people, so if I handle things appropriatley and the person still wants to act the way they’re acting, I make a decision to stop allowing them into my life.

I wouldn’t be petty, but I sure wouldn’t "try to be nice." I’m not disrespectful, but like I said, I don’t go out of my way for someone who has tried to press my face into the shit they just took.

Never wait for people to give you what you want, instead — take….what you want. That means often leaving people behind and forgiving them, if only to let yourself move on. I forgive people often who most don’t think deserve to be forgiven, but that’s how I terminate resentments and avoid hurting myself! Forgive, that way you can leave them behind, which is exactly where they belong.

That’s called "Date breaker" — they are red flags. They mean two things. 1: I don’t like you very much, and 2: I don’t respect you, hence I don’t waste all of 30 seconds calling you on my cell phone to let you know I won’t be coming. 3: If I do call, I’ll do it at 6:59 p.m. the very same night that I’m supposed to meet you at 7. That way not only can I be a total cunt, but now I can do it with pizzzzaz and style.

More red flags and more disrespect.

No, you’re being a nice guy douche bag and you need to realize that nearly everyone is going to fail you and fuck you until you set boundaries and start being highly selective about the kind of people you keep company with. Always dump the losers. Just like the stock market — don’t keep a losing stock, dump that shit and let your others ride. Hang out with people who respect you, and who do what they say they’ll do — who are consistent, and who walk the talk. Also, always make secondary plans. People can’t fuck you, if you’re already prepared with a chastity belt — be prepared, so when they don’t call, you’ll be too shit faced hanging out with some other chick to care.

Always look at yourself when you feel a lot of people are fucking you, because chances are that while they may be douche bags, you’re probably the main reason that they’re still present in your life. You have to decide what these people have to offer you, and stop trying to prove what you have to offer them.

Seriously man, take my advice and you’ll be happy. You won’t be a mean, lonely, desperate prick. You’ll be respected, polite and you’ll accept the world and people for who they are. You’ll weed out the users, losers, and shitheads. Detoxing socially is the best thing you could do for yourself, get rid of these losers and start being responsible for allowing people to continue treating you that way.
Hey, I appreciate the above response. While I have some rebuttles to some of it, it’s pretty darn straight forward and I really have nothing more to add to what was said.

My only question: Do I confront these girls on their bullshit or do I just ignore and move on? Ignoring it is easiest to do, but eventually they come back and make the same bullshit happen. Confronting them, makes it show I have some balls, but also may lead to me losing anything I have with them… so I’m in limbo.

Never argue with someone when you don’t have the answer. *grin*

No confrontation. Detach, and go on with life.

When they return, keep it simple. "What, my avoiding you wasn’t a big enough hint? Please do not talk to me, we’re finished."

There is no reason to bother communicating with someone who doesn’t respect you.

Confronting them makes you waste more time on someone who is just going to argue with you using excuses that don’t even have to be based in reality.

When people don’t respect you, you lose, so you must respect yourself enough to cut off people who abuse whatever you do offer, but you must never be a victim about it. You choose to give what you do, and if you have expectations, then that’s your choice. You must be responsible if you want to live a satisfying life.

weak. confrontation here shows you have NO balls. it means you’re out to satisfy your desire for answers and closure that you’re probably not going to get either way you go about it (as you’ve no doubt noticed, people lie). and even if you did get answers, you’d most likely just discover what we’ve already told you. and what’s even worse about the bolded statement is that you wanted to use confrontation as a means of leverage, not closure.

if you wanna show you have balls, have the balls to walk away from them without saying a word. they don’t come back unless you let them in.

next time you see them trying to get back in, be dismissive, but fairly nice about it. basically getting out of the conversation as quickly and smoothly as you can.
I agree with everything in this thread… Life is too short to hang on to things that ruin it for you..
Metallic Blue, I don’t always agree wholly with what you say, but in this particular thread I must say, flawless victory.

Hat’s off to you sir.

Well said.
lol female friend

Seriously, why call someone a friend when they are not?
ranger you’re the master of getting yourself in the freindzone with every girl you like, and unless your gay, all these female "friends" arent friends, they are just future targets.

get over yourself, or grow up.

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Might be a cry for help but I have no intention of going back to where I was.

Fuck this life.
1-800-SUICIDE

CALL NOW. Or go to the ER.

What’s going on scottymcc?

Bipolar. Ultra Radian + Mixed Mania + etc.

I’m in India and the one med which worked is failing. I am done with this shit. The ER here won’t do jack shit. The last time I saw a doc on this I had to lie to stop being sectioned. Fuck this.

I’m 14 yearsd into an illness that really had no mercy, Thoughts coming into my head are rampant, it’s kinda like someone talking to you very quickily and there’s no getting aways.

14 Fucking years of this shit. I know what is coming. I am done with this shit.

Fuck life.
Looking for my shrinks number. Gotta love it, I have it in a cell phone I use in the UK and it’s out of power. I can’t find the fucking adapter.

I need to talk to someone IRL.

Man I’m really sorry to hear you’re suffering and that you don’t have access to help. What do you need? To get out of India? Is that even possible right now? Can you get back to the UK where there are docs that can help you….even if it’s just for awhile?

Don’t give up man. Life is worth living…..don’t quit. I know it’s difficult right now but please hang in there and find the help you need. Don’t let the docs there dismiss you before the treat you. Be assertive and help them understand the gravity of your situation.

You will be in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon!
if you get to t his thread first, check your PM for my AIM, and we can talk through there or i can give you my number if you want, but i figure that is more difficult since you are out of country.
So I seem to have had a fight with my father, gotta love him. I try to talk to him and my mom about killing myself and hits out with all kind of shit.

I have no love for the guy.

I talked to my mum and she is pretty adamant that she will stay with me the whole night. Lost the damn number of my shrink, will probably visit the hospital tomorrow but the truth is there are no drugs they can give that will work.

This royally sucks ass!
A good reason why you shouldn’t commit suicide.

When i was at that place were you were now, i thought that suicide was the only thing left for me. But then i came to think: this is the easy way out, but its not the right way how to deal with problems. You can’t commit suicide for each and every problem that you face into your life, you will just get reincarnated and will have to live that entire shitty life AGAIN! with all the pain accumulated up till the point were you commited suicide, and step over that hurde in order to proceed with your life.

When i was suicidal i was so self centered on all my problems, i didn’t even see how much my family would have got hurt and the misery my family would have to go thru. I live even if its just for my mom.

What you need right now is a serious reality check, those medicines are symptom suppressors and not problem solvers, you need to goto the root of your problem, and tackle it. You haven’t told us your story really yet on what the hell happend to your life, but its better that you spit it out to blow off some steam. Going to the hospital is step 1, getting medicines is step 2, getting psychiatric help is step 3. Analyzing and talking about the problem, and then with help from everyone tackling this problem together, you don’t have to be alone in this man, were here to support you.
AND stay away from your dad, actually stay away from everyone that doesn’t support you, what you need right now is people who understand and support you.

Staying away from him is impossible right now. I did find out that there are no facilities here for people with these problems, visitied my PDoc and he’s offering to meet with me whenevr and give me abode for some days in the hospital.

Changed the prescription a bit too, moving on to Klomazepam or whatever..sorry I am pretty much out of it after the Benzos I was given. I really have no idea what’s going on now and rely on spell check to give some kind of coherent message.

It waqs always comming but I think Canibal Holocaust didn’t help/

I understand your intentions are noble but for me it is ultimatly about quantity ovrer quality, the benzos m,ay help and nbe less damagng than drink …damn my english is getting worse and worse. This shit rocks!

Toaking my fasther to the shrink nedt week so they can chat. Hopefully talking to a professional in this field who knows me for severtal years will give him some insight. Probably won’t change mutch as he’s still to set in his ways but it’s something.

Dhit, my Eglish is all over the place. Benzos, a hell f a drug!
I know how it is to be in your shoes. Start eating by the food pyramid and avoid anything that’s processed. Exercise vigorously. Challenge yourself. Personally, I’ve turned into a health freak and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve gone from always depressed, hopeless and tired to alright, hopefull and energetic. Do green tea (decaffenated), a multi-vitamin and fish oil (omega-3). Also change your perspective and attitude towards life. When I started feeling better and achieving alot I noticed that my attitude towards life was just shitty. Learn to relax just as you learn to focus. I hope that helps
When it rain it pours man, just please and try to keep a positive outlook on life and it will turn back around. There are several people here in this thread that are willing to help you in any way we can. Suicide is permanent, I know it’s pretty obvious, but just work your way through the tough time and things will get better! Just know that you are not alone..
I was just recently in similar shoes, but over a completely different matter, and let me tell you… I am glad I didn’t pull the plug. Why? Life is better than it has ever been, I don’t remember being this happy in about 4 years.
I know this isn’t what you want to here, because you are thinking this doesn’t help me, I am not going to get better, and I am going to die. These are all not true; Infact they are extremely untrue. I went from my parents calling the police on me twice, because they thought I was passed the point in which they could physically stopping, to now not even thinking about sucide. I haven’t even considered suicide in the last 4 months.
If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, or anyone else offering there help. But please! Please don’t give up, it can be oh so much better.

I left you my contact info in your pm box.
Can you possibly get outta India? Sounds expensive but you have a UK mobile… you have to be visiting India from what I gather.

Reason why I say that is that I don’t think Indian mental healthcare, even for the ultra-wealthy, could possibly be any good. I think you’d be doing yourself a favor if you got out.
Have you thought possibly that your shrink isnt working? Ive heard some horror stories but out of the 5 ive had only one was a moron.

This is number 9. I do feel a lot of resentment at some of the rest but the guy worked with me, went on his own time to research my condition were in the past they just said "interesting" and did jack shit.

I noticed though the young ones fresh out of Uni are useless.

Lesrning to relax right now, pretty spaced out so if my English is pretty bad it’s really because I’m a little gubed. My mood changes perhaps 5 -15 times a day. I’d love to get to the gym but social phobia makes it a problem.

Yes, I thank them and you all for the support, having a fast paced forum and advice on hand from as far afield as the US meant and means a lot. Thanks for the guys/girls shooting me PM’s. Getting blood tests towmorrow so I can start something new……hate this shit though, the waiting to see if something will work. Till then I’ll be whacked out on Benzos. One bottle of beer and I’ll be on the floor.

Thanks again, it does mean a lot. The posts in this forum did I guess motivate me to do something as soon as possible. Real problem is having something hitting me for 14 or so years constantly and running out of options. It’s a pretty drug resistant form which isn’t much known about, very little research is being done on this and if drugs work it’s by chance. If things go to shit again I may take you up on your offer, again thanks.

I was surprised at the level of Health care I got here. In the UK you wait for two months to see a doc, then wait again the same amount of time to go back. Here you can see someone within a couple of hours. The PDoc I have worked in the UK NHS. The drugs are cheap as hell – the Nimodipine in hte US may cost $60 a day, here it costs me half that for a month.

The UK won’t prescribe a drug called Gabapentin to me but here I get it and have had the best results…the US also prescribes it for this condition so I’m not sure what’s going on in the UK.

My overall condition can go up and down but overall I have had far better treatment for a fraction of the cost. 1 hour trip to an Ex-NHS doc costs about $3.00.

Last time I went to see a shrink in the UK I was pulled off everything to see what was going on, told to come back in two months to see exactly what was going on…even after telling them. Came back 2 months later and got the same shit. Eventually nearly sectioned for lack of drugs and wanting to kill my father.

Put on some shit that did little sodium valproate, did Jack shit and my new Doc (changed after I flipped) suggested I go to some kind of councilling. The people around me notice a vast improvement in me since coming to India. I can be on the equivellant of $1500 of drugs a month and pay about $40 here.

SOrry if I rambelled, I’m off to take some more of these Benzos –

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