I’m broke. Worst financial situation i’ve ever been in. I don’t get along with my mom for the most part but I live with her and my step dad while in school which, barring me finding a better job soon, means i’ll get done in Feb. of 09. I’m seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in my life on Tuesday.

As i’ve posted in here before, I have anger management issues, they are up and down. When im broke I hate my life, when I have money im happy. Even then I have a short fuse, i’ve gotten in more fights than I ever wanted to get into.

I feel like im depressed right now. Seems like nothing has an effect on me. Florida loses, whatever. My bank goes into negative this past weekend because I was lied to, I got pissed off for an hour and was back to whatever.

I’ve seen people on here talk about leaving the country or whatever to start over and I got to thinking about it. I know someone that lives in Canada and said I could come and live with them. Is a female. I just figured, if I have the chance, i’ll pack up, head to canada no matter how much people claim it sucks, an throw the peace sign to Atlanta and United States as a whole. New phone number, new country, new address, find new friends….start over. Right now i’m in a never ending battle working jobs I hate, being around people that lie to me non stop, friends I don’t actually think care. I just want to hit the re-start button. I’ve also SERIOUSLY considered suicide the past 2 weeks. I have plenty of drugs at my disposal.

So, OG is looking for advice. I think the most excited and happy I get right now, is when I think about leaving everyone and everything behind and starting over.

BTW, Im in school for massage therapy, as I was originally planning on going to college but im in such debt I figure that may be out of the question. I can make money rather quickly anywhere knowing what I know and have been trained so it’s not like it would take me long to make money no matter where I move IMHO.

I’d finish school first.

Secondly, will moving change your circumstances? I know your feeling, as I’ve felt this way before, back when my life was in shambles. The thing is, moving won’t fix anything for you, and can likely increase your problems.

You need to take an inventory of your life, figure out what’s missing, and take steps to address them.

One step at a time, ignore the rest which you can’t do anything about, and before you know it things will be better.

If you have major time sinks, such as WoW or whatnot, I highly recommend quitting them or at least suspending them until things are better.
Finish school and then move. Keep in mind that the things that plague you here probably will anywhere else (esp moving somewhere so similar to the US). But a change in scenery can help.
Nothing puts my mind back on track better than getting out of this place for a bit.

well its not like anything bogs me down.

I work four 10 hour shifts a week monday through thursday.

I have school at night from 7 to 10 tuesday to thursday and clinic 2 times a week on sunday in the afternoon.

Maybe 2….3 times a week I will stay at my best friends apartment 20 minutes from here because we go out on the weekends and he doesnt drive, but his brother usually pays for all the alcohol, gas, or entry fee for me being the most sober of the bunch. I enjoy dancing and doing that sort of thing but now that looks rather dead because the club that I have been going to for a year has changed their DJ around and the music and its just gotten bad. Not many good clubs in Atlanta and im not really a bar guy.

I play NCAA 2009 on XBox 360 maybe 2…3 days at the most…a week for 1,…MAYBE 2 hours a day.

So it’s not like im doing that a lot.

I’ve taken my own anger management "course" multiple times. Each time I feel like im making large improvements but something will eventually happen that sends me back like 3 years. Right now I feel about as hateful as I did 4 years ago when i was near my worst. The only real difference is I can control my temper for the most part, unless you really tick me off.

I’ve gone back and forth with myself for the last 2 years about if I want to stay in Atlanta or not. Don’t like the traffic, don’t like the amount of people moving here, don’t care for the weather and the lack of rain that forces water shortage laws to go in effect. We have the most ridiculous laws on gas/oil that has forced the city into a state of mayhem right now because of the shortages in the city.

Like I said, obviously my temper will follow me. But i’m a bluntly honest and straight forward person. There really isn’t a person I would bite my tongue around at any given time, which hurts me, but at the same time, I really don’t lie to people. But, I feel….or seem….to be a giant target for people to let off their utter bullshit to. I’m also a failure with women lately, 3 dates in a month, 3 failures. This was before my financial crisis this past weekend.

So I just feel as if a complete scenery and state change would do me better. Make new friends, start over. It’s hard to work on my anger management and temper right now because it seems like that is what everyone around my expects. If im being nice to people and im not being an asshole than people think something is wrong with me, I basically resort back to it all because its like thats what people expect out of me. I need new friends, people that expect me to be nice and NOT happy when im an asshole.

but since YOU are going then the problems YOU have are going to go with YOU.

running isn’t going to leave them behind.

fix yourself before you do anything else.

so what did the psych say?
shit i expected. it was actually a social worker, basically the same thing to me except she cant give the drugs i probably need.

she made a good point, dont latch onto the money and live my entire life around it. but its hard when you’re 3 weeks late on a car payment and its getting close to repo time, just lost a job, and dont have money for gas to go look for another job.

i think when i do find a job, ill be alright. hopefully. i need to make a fake server related resume tonight

and as far as me considering suicide last week, she had a interesting way of making me look at my life next time i think like that and her idea works….so far

good luck w/ everything

ill need it
I don’t know why but i have this strange feeling you should try living in France for a while. The people over there are enjoyers of life, although still hard work needs to be done to get your life in order there, i feel you might be a lot more happy in Europe. But anyway for your anger issues i would try the second thought thing. When your first thought is, ‘i wanna kill that person’, you stop. And then put a second thought ‘negativity leads to nowhere, so why should i get angry? Its useless’ , basically the point is that you push the foot in a conditioned way on the brakes in your brain every time you have an anger attack and turn the right cheek instead of getting into a fight, you’ll steer away from them, just walking away and don’t want to get involved. That’s a much better approuch then what you usually do, namely putting oil on the fire, making things rather more bad then good.

Suicide is not a way how you deal in a mature way with problems. Asking for help as you did now is a better and mature way, anti-depressants are only symptom supressors, and not problem solvers. You want to deal with the root causes of your problems, otherwhise they just keep coming back. Simular counts for going abroad, although it is indeed true that a different location can mean different better/worse oppertunities. You have to understand that your troubles travel along with you, the reason: Its how you approuch things in life that matters. A succesfull approuch is constituated in its behaviour. If i give a smack into the face of a police officer, im bound to get kicked to the ground and arrested. If i cooperate, i will face a better convo and walk away. So its just a silly example to emphasize how one action createds a reaction that is unsuccesful, and in the second one a reaction that is succesful.

Every action has consequenses, you have to make sure that you stay calm and reap positive consequenses for yourself always remember that.

Next is that you shouldn’t rely on people, what love will you think to receive from hugging thorn bushes? Especially when you are in a selfish enviroment, you’d better beware not to automatically accept everybody’s ideas, because big chances are that they are only out there to forfill their own lives, not to seldom at the cost of walking over other people’s dead bodies. Remember trust is something to be earned over time, don’t give it all automatically, let them work for it.
i dont give out trust easily. like i told the social worker, my problem is i have unrealistic expectations from everyone i meet. so im working on that.

the problem im running into now, is this. i already have someone to stay with in canada. room and all.

im in massage therapy school in georgia, i have until february when im planned to graduate.

the issue is these hours are not transferable. even in the province id be staying in, they dont have massage regulations to practice privately, but soon, from my research, they will have a nationwide certification that requires 2000 hours. my training will net me 750 hours. but right now, it doesnt matter. and in georgia you have to renew every so often and so forth and so on.

so a side of me says quit and head to canada now. which i cant do anyways because i dont have the money to even make the drive.

the logical side of me says to stick it out, finish the school (if i can, im so financially fucked i havent made a payment in 3 months). that way if this doesnt work out in canada and i head back to atlanta i have something to fall on. then of course, as im extremely analytical, the other side of me says if i succeed and everythin between us goes well in canada, all that time i spent here at the school and waiting is useless.

and until she told me i can stay with her, i could have moved to california and been happy. i guess i just have this mindset about 20 years of failure in georgia. when im on vacation, im happy. of course i am, its vacation. but its like, the minute i hit the georgia borderline heading back to atlanta, i get hateful again. i dont feel that way if im still in florida or tennessee, but once i hit georgia, angry. its like i know my life full of financial failure, bullshitting friends, etc…etc…is just waiting for me.

its why i want a new place to start over. start clean. talking to her, seems to me i will like canada. right now, my 2 emergency room visits are owning me. my credit is bad. im sick a lot because i cant afford to get extended surgery and shit done on my to fix my sinus problems. in canada, health insurance is dirt ass cheap. cost of living is cheap. right now, it fits what i need and ive never had a problem adapting to new places. like i told her, i can stay at a friends house, i never complain. too noisy? i dont care. too dirty, ill clean the bitch up . my ability to open up to people and make friends is actually a lot easier than you might expect considering some of the threads ive made on here, just right now, ive closed that off because i know i wont be around for much longer.

what do YOU do for your friends that they dont do for you? you always complain about how everyone is fake and shit but is it really them being fake or BSing you or is it your unreasonable expectations??

if you dont call ppl, go see them, talk with them…why would they do the same for you???

i consider us friends but i only hear from you when you need something….but that does not bother me…bc well im here and if u wanna hang out you will call… i invite you over every so often you chose not to come over…so i what to tell you man but moving is a temporary solution to a fucked up problem…

i think by seeing someone is a step in the right direction… good luck and if u wanna talk give me a call…

i call most of my friends when i want to hang out. not a big talker on the phone unless im drunk

like saturday

like with ATL crew, I hate driving some of the lengths i drive to hang out with people when all of ATL crew knows i have little money, but no one is willing to come to a meet ITP or closer to OUR area. Its always that kennessaw area. im willing to come to the next party you throw at your house regardless.

and honestly man, ive wanted to move out of atlanta for the past 4 years like REALLY badly. it goes back and forth, but in reality, i considered moving to florida with some OTers back 4 or so years ago before i was financially fucked.

seems to run in my family

my mom was born in connecticut, ditched it right when she graduated high school, dad left the north when he got done with college, my step dad headed south with no idea of where he was going when he graduated college in ohio.

they both feel like a scene chance is necassary. i havent talked to my dad about it yet because i dont want to talk to him abot it over the phone.

i know im not going to run from my anger issues, that shit will follow me around regardless until i target in on killing as much of it as i can. i realize that 100%. i just want a fresh start. i cant afford my own place here in atlanta. i can’t afford to split rent right now with anyone in atlanta. shit id struggle if i lived with 3 other people right now because of my debt building up.

of course, my debt will follow me, but at the same time, im not going to have to pitch in on rent for a few months up north until i get my feet settled. cost of living is cheaper. their gas is cheaper (for now). i have a better oppurtunity up north to turn my financial situation around as well as work on my attitude away from a city ive disliked being in for as long as i can remember, but BIG time disliked for the past 4 years.

I ask myself though, and im sure everyone does, outside of my family, who in the fuck would honestly miss me when i leave?

my friend ray and his brother, i hear from neither of them for weeks until one of us wants to go to hole in the wall and then ill get a phone call. ill call ray every other week but the convo is short lived as shit. 2 minutes max it seems unless football is on. so ive gone back on texting him only because we dont talk much outside of football and females.

all the people in the club that enjoy seeing my up on stage dancing, i know none of their names, they dont know mind. thats my fault, and theirs because neither of us have put the care into asking. so i dont cry over that, but it leads me back to wondering, if they never saw me again, would they realize i was gone?

i say no, a lot. but once again, i think a lot of it is because i have unrealistic expectations of other people that i NEED to work on. It just seems difficult when i live with people ive wanted to move away from for a year in a city i dont like living in.
.

NP man and i knew that what i said in the thread was kind of harsh but i was being honest with you just like i always have been with you.

no we’re not best friends but we are friends and if you need something or just want to chill i am here for you man.

i got love for ya you ornery bastard. as for this weekend i will know by the end of the day whether or not im going to Alabama for my dads 50th birthday to take him fishing. i will address the post in the asylum when i get to work and have time.

if i end up staying here this weekend ill watch the game with you amanda/ayden permitting.

I am going to post this in the asylum bc i think it shows growth and some insight into your situation and i think the other posters in that sub forum could benefit from knowing what you said in this pm.

seriously.

a change of scenery isn’t always bad but your problems will follow.

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The story is as follows:

This primarily involves 2 "friends" of mine, both of whom I went to high school with and have been fairly close to since then (I’m 25 now).

Friend A – I live with
Friend B – Is closer with friend A than me, but we’ve spent quite a bit of time together. The only reason he’s around any more lately is because of friend A.

So, June 2, 2007… we plan a round of golf with a bunch of buddies, a BBQ in the afternoon and a trip down to some bars in the evening. Obviously there is alcohol being consumed all day long. Fast forward to the end of the evening… we (A, B and myself) take a cab from the bars to friend B’s house to drop him off, fully expecting to continue taking the cab home where A and I live.

Friend B comes up with the idea to drive us home, which is about a 10 minute drive straight down a 90km/h highway. This was obviously not the smartest move, but he was fairly insistent about it and tends to do this sort of thing quite often (I’ll come back to this). Anyway, we get around the corner from his house where he goes to enter the expressway. The roads in the area are under construction, so in his infinite wisdom he grabs a construction pylon from out of the drivers window of his car and continues to drive down the onramp dragging this beside him. Upon entering the highway, he lets it go and immediately there are lights behind us as he nearly took out a cop car with the thing. Needless to say, we get pulled over… he denies having drank anything but gets the breathalyzer and blows over. Car gets towed, he goes to jail for a few hours, loses license for 90 days.

Fast forward to now. After a few court dates, the trial is set for February 12th. He wants friend A and myself to visit with his lawyer this Wednesday night and has concocted a totally fabricated version of events that he’s trying to get us to recite at his trial. Friend A being much closer to him now, even moreso due to some other circumstances I won’t get into… seems more than happy to oblige. He confronted me last night about this issue and it got fairly heated. Lying under oath is not something that I am taking lightly. My point to him was that both friend A and I were in the car and saw the same things — if he is willing to go out on a limb for you and recite the fabricated story, then having me do so as well is only going to increase the potential for the prosecutor to find some holes in the story. I have yet to be subpoenaed for this trial and have said repeatedly I don’t plan to attend unless I am.

I’m having a tough time with the moral side of this, mainly because he has a long history of bad judgement, driving drunk, run-in’s with the police (mostly minor issues) and so on. I’ve since come to realize that I am mostly done with being associated with either of them. Friend A is moving out of our place at the end of this month and I’m looking forward to being done with them. I’ve recently gone back to school for my MBA part-time, and it’s time to cut out the party animals.

Thoughts? Thanks in advance

Then don’t go. Or better yet, go, and tell what really happened. You have to do what you feel is right.

And as for your friend…if he makes bad choices, he needs to learn to deal with the consequences of those choices.

Next time he asks about this, give him this simple answer:

No

Thanks… I told him to give me the lawyer’s address and I’d meet him there Wednesday. I haven’t heard from him yet and if I don’t before later I’m just going to tell him outright I’m not getting involved.
theres no moral issues associated with keeping your friend from having to waste 5000 dollars. lie your ass off.
you are a shitty friend if you dont. a truly horrible horrible friend. you either put him into about 5k debt, or you help him just stay out of debt or even jail.

morals have to include understand the results of your actions

here is what you are faced with

Freind A: $0
Friend A: -$5000

You: Lie
You: Honest

you just told him to let his freind donate 5k to the government, what if he has kids? student loans? a mortgage? or a car payment or anything else?

i totally disagree. you need to either be a friend or dont be a freind, theres no half way there.

ive got too many people who have gotten owis in iowa city and elsewhere to know that you dont learn anything from getting arrested, you learn you should lie your ass off every time.

The guy was stupid enough to drive while intoxicated…why the hell should he get out of it?

If he has loans or shit…TOO BAD. That’s his problem.

If he got himself in debt 5k on a credit card, would you still want him to get out of it?

And for the record, anyone who is stupid enough to knowingly drive drunk is not going to be my friend, or would stop being my friend at that point. Same for if a friend asked me to do what is being asked in this situation.

the OP’s friend should have considered the results of HIS actions…not to mention, what if the OP does lie, and gets shot down in court or charged with perjury? Wouldn’t he be fined or perhaps sent to jail?

Then the OP’s friend is being a bad friend, by your logic.

He’s already paid out the ass for this.

There’s no moral issues here? What about the families of people who have been killed by drunk drivers? What about the need for him to learn a lesson? What about lying under oath?

Believe me, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened to him. He already has friend A to tell his version of the events… If I decline to do the same, he’s no further ahead or behind.
I would not go to court and lie under oath for anyone – not even my own family. It could land you in hot water as well if you are found to be lying. You may lose your friends for doing what is right, but if they are asking you to do something that is not right, then perhaps they aren’t really your friends.

. I wouldn’t lie under oath. And I agree with you that it is time to cut these friends out of your life. You don’t want to get into any other trouble because they’re being immature guys. Best wishes and good luck.

exactly, hes already been punished. why not help him out.

Its not a matter of time before he kills someone, that argument is bullshit. Ive been drinking and driving since i was 14… *(i dont anymore)… i did when i was 14 b.c if i was drunk and my mom picked me up, i had my permit and if i didnt drive she would know what was up.

see what the lawyer has to say at least.

well this thread would be considered evidence of perjury. perjury is near impossible to prove or charge.
and most lawyers wont risk their licenses to get someone off on an DUI.

It’s not my place to judge whether or not he’s been punished… that’s for the court to decide.

I won’t comment on your situation, but certainly the advice coming from you needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

Yes, perjury is likely very hard to prove or charge. But 0% chance > 0.1% chance.

yea it is your place to judge that. its your moral code. which seems to mean if your friends down forget about him

whereas i would rather do anything to keep my friends out of trouble…. jail and fines are wasted resources in my book. its not justice if you dont hurt anyone to begin with
i truly dont see how anyone equate the legal system = justice.

it doesnt. jail for pot/non violent crime/ anything that doesnt hurt someone doesnt = justice

a fine doesnt = justice either, it just means more money going out of your friends pocket

Let’s put it this way:

If he went through a RIDE program and blew slightly over while driving me home, I’d legitimately feel bad because it just as easily could have been me or someone else in that position. I’d go to court and do whatever I could to help him out.

However, that wasn’t the case as I outlined above. Now I am being asked not only to lie about how much he drank, but his reasons for the pylon incident which was 110% his own fault.

For the record, I drove his damn car home the following day after it was impounded and spent the following 90 days giving him rides so everyone could still hang out.

He’s had his license back since September and he’s still drinking and driving… albeit not to the same extent, but the lesson needs to be learned. He’s been in countless accidents due to his careless driving, had speeding tickets and so on. He can’t keep getting a get out of jail free card.

(And for the record, he’s not facing jail, just a license suspension and possible fines)
when you live in a society and reap the benefits of said society, it is your _moral_ responsibility to abide by the rules, just like anyone else, whether they be in your mind "just" or not. If you do not agree with said rules, take extra precautions to not get caught, or avoid the situation altogether (i.e. not driving down the road with a pylon out your window). Friend B is horribly irresponsible and this situation could’ve been easily avoided. Although I think it should be said that original poster and Friend A should have "insisted" on taking the cab home in the first place, but that is neither here nor there. I think if you don’t want to lie, you shouldn’t have to and it is your duty to tell the truth if subpoenaed..just my 2 cents

I agree fully.
don’t lie under oath. people who drive drunk deserve whatever shit happens to them.

Let’s hope he learns his lesson then.
You have to do what YOU think is best.

I for one have never drove drunk or rode with anyone who has been drinking. Whatever fines your friend has to pay and has already paid, well, there is a thing called consequences for our actions.

I don’t believe I would be able to lie for anyone in a court of law or anywhere else for that matter. Morally speaking I believe to lie is rude, disrespectful, and plain wrong.

You really have two options. You can either go to court and tell the truth, or don’t go (unless you receive a subpoena) and disassociate yourself from these people. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is right, because you are the one who has to live with that decision.
I’ve had three cousins, on three separate occassions, killed in motor vehicle accidents because the other motorist(s) were intoxicated.

Want to talk about morals? How about the thought of defending a possible future vehicular murderer? Yeah, it’s farfetched, but it’s a possibility.

Those who drink and drive are irresponsible, moronic, and complete waste of the oxygen we breathe.

You have a head on your shoulders, don’t succumb to others bullshit. Do whats right.
im sorry about your cousins, but….

a possible future murderer?

so by your logic everyone with a gun is a future murderer kuz people who own guns sometimes murder people! give me a break. yea its farfetched.

No, by my logic people who drink and drive are possible murderers. What, am I wrong? Come with me to the cemetary, I’ll show you how farfetched it is.
no by your logic people with guns are possible murderers, come with me to a cemetary and ill show you how far fetched it is.
Yuppy is simply wrong about this.
Sometimes we forget that there is such a thing as right and wrong, black and white.

This thing is really, really simple.
If you are subpoenaed and tell the truth then you are morally in the right and have nothing to worry about in the realm of legal problems.

If you go and lie and he gets off.
And if he kills someone while driving while drunk.
You are a part of that. Legally you will bear no responsibility, but morally … morally you got to live with yourself.
Malicious,

Do you want to reinforce bad behavior?

I would not recommend offering any attention to life-threatening acts of stupidity, "friend" or not.

If one of my friends does something stupid, I hang up the phone.

Its the fastest way they will learn.

Most of the time the person wakes up and realizes "shit, we can’t play xbox anymore, its time to stop being dumb"

If they don’t, its no loss.
If a close friend of mine asked me to lie under oath to save one of his friends and I said no, and he left it at that – I wouldn’t be mad. He respected my morals and everything would be fine between us.

However, if he kept asking, pressuring or worse yet started yelling at me, I would be offended and outraged.

Black & White case with me.
I fucking hate drunk drivers. I would testify against his ass. It’s illegal for a reason. Other people’s lives were in danger. Fuck him, he needs to learn a lesson.

w/e; if you lie for your friends you are a loyal and true friend.

thi is a fucking misdemeanor, stop making it murder. save em some money/fines/suspension time
Just to clarify, it was the driver himself who asked me to recite a fabricated story… not the other friend.

The two of them are joined at the hip and from what I understand he didn’t even think twice about saying he’d do it. They are both a couple of morons

He tried to relate me doing him this favour to a bunch of stuff he’d done for me in the past (installing a garage door opener, helping me work on my car, helping us move, etc.) I couldn’t help but laugh that he thought this was on the same level.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your input. I was curious whether I was being a shitty friend by my reluctance to lie on his behalf.

Is it bad that I hope he gets everything that’s coming to him?

I’ve lied for my friends about trivial shit… this is not trivial, and the fact that you think it is tells the whole story for all of us.

Alright.

I’m following. Smart move so far.

You put yourself in danger by driving with him. I hope you never do it again. What he did was foolish, and could have severely injured himself or someone else. The consequences of a DUI are getting more severe as time passes and I believe they should.

You are making the right decision to not lie, nor support that process. However I can’t tell you whether you should or shouldn’t attend the trial or take the stand. Think about what could happen if he doesn’t face the consequences? Can you imagine someone’s daughter, mother, brother, father, sometimes child — dying or severely injured in a car accident because he chose to drive under the influence? Can you imagine yourself the type of person who defends or even invests any type of relationship with someone who would do such a thing — making a mockery of justice and the laws which protect you and I?

To be honest, I would probably go to the trial, but this is just me, and I’d take the stand for the "Prosecution" and when it came time to answer questions, I’d tell the story "exactly" the way it happened. I’d make sure it was told so that he would pay the price for what he did, in order that he is prevented from doing it again.

Party animals are fine, criminals are another story. There is no moral consideration here. If you lost someone to a drunk driver or they were injured, there would be no god damn moral issue. He has a history of it, he needs to be stopped. This isn’t about loyalty or ratting someone out — this is about saving potential lives and keeping your own character intact. Imagine him behind the wheel killing your mother. That smug look on his face in knowing he’ll try to get away with it.

You’re already involved. You were there, you know the truth. If that man kills someone down the road, you’ll be partially responsible — perhaps not legally, perhaps not even morally by the judgment and opinion of others, but you can bet your ass you’ll know it inside, and it’ll stay there.

He’ll be ahead by your omission of the truth if you stay quiet.

He was trying to manipulate you. If I did this, then you’re obligated to do that. Fuck that.

There is no friendship when one person isn’t befriending the other. He ended this friendship long before you did.

I absolutely agree. If he has drug problems, alcohol problems whatever — I hope he gets help, but I also hope he pays dearly for the choice he mad.
Oh and just for the record:

drinking and driving is trivial.

As long as no one gets hurt. If you cant walk you cant drive. but if you can walk and talk fine, may be a little buzzed and can concentrate on the road, then its not a big deal.

People die drinking and driving when they drive like idiots, not when they decide to obey the speed limits and drive safely home. just kuz your drunk doesnt give you a free pass for driving like a retard… but just kuz your drunk also doesnt mean you should be grouped in with those retards every time

you are nobody’s real friend
Guess not… told him not long ago I wouldn’t be telling anything but the truth at his trial and to let me know if he still wanted me to attend the meeting with his lawyer tonight.

Obviously he said no, then of course followed it up by saying our "friendship" was over. I said I didn’t need "friends" like him and wished him the best of luck.

Case closed.
Mostly I like you Yuppy.
Mostly you seem to have your head on straight.
Mostly.

DUI is not trivial. The only way you are going to learn this is when someone close to you is seriously hurt by another drunk.

It would be fun to shove this thread in your face when that happens.
You know, you are here crying cause your Dad is dead and looking for support. Instead of giving you support we just yell at you and rub this thread in your face.

Truth is, assuming your Dad isn’t killed tomorrow I will forget about this thread. I am a pretty sympathetic guy and will probably be the first person to show you some sympathy.
Pity.

No.
Cause he needs to see some repurcussions for his actions if he is ever going to learn a lesson about how he is acting.

i went out partying in hollywood one night. i saw a guy drive his car into the center island. it was a rice rocket and the guy drove it up the fucking curb on the center median. i thought he was injured so i parked on the side of the road and watched him for a minute or so. he didnt move at all so i got out and ran over to the car to check on him. the guy passed out and was sleeping. he shattered the front passenger window it wreaked like booze inside.

being buzzed is being under .08. anything more is illegal and illegal for good reason.

"You will not perjur yourself so that your friend can get away with a DUI, therefore you are a shitty person."
how does make any sense?

he refuses to even meet with the lawyer. who will tell him to not lie

this guy refused to even goto the meeting to learn what its all about.

more than likely the meeting was about HOW TO ANSWER the questions, instead of WHAT TO SAY.

lawyers wont risk their licenses getting barred for some punk with a drunk driving infraction

this meeting was probably a standard practice

because in law, you dont ask questions that you dont know the answers to.

I never refused to go, I simply told him I wouldn’t be lying under oath and left it up to him as to whether he wanted me there knowing that… which he said he didn’t.

Their case would look really great when friend A got up there and told the fake story and I went up and told the truth

here’s the thing. would your friend take a bullet for you? probably not.

at the end of the day, you’re the one who needs to live with this not him. by the way it sounds, it seems like he’s more or less a person you grew up with and is acquainted through him like that.

bottom line is do whatever is going to make you sleep at night. if you go up there an lie, and then worry the next 2 months if you are going to be prosecuted for lying under oath then its not worth it. if you can live with that, go ahead.

by the way, $5000 is not that much money. its not going to devastate his life if he has to pay that fine.
5k is a lot of money for most people who get OWIs. it took a friend of mine over 2 years to pay off the owi he got driving my car home from the bar

No, it’s really not. I’ve had 3 friends killed and one paralyzed in the past 18 months in separate incidents involving drunk drivers. The last one, the guy blew 0.9. Drinking and driving is in no way whatsoever trivial and I cannot understand why anyone would think it is.
Yuppy, you’re skimming the story and living by standard.. Stop being so ignorant and read.

I actually find one flaw with this analogy.

You have two type of gun owners:

Type one: People who research the gun they purchase. Take a gun safety course. Then go to a firing range and practice with that gun until they are comfortable with it and are able to shoot dead on target. These type of people, in the event of someone entering into their home, will grab the gun and identify loudly that I have a gun and not afraid to use it if you do not leave. Or, at the VERY least, get a good visual on the person in their home BEFORE shooting. (this is taught in gun safety, I know for sure cause I took the course)These people can be compared to sober drivers.

Type two: People who are afraid of being attacked or having their home broken into. They go get any gun at random, keep it loaded, and never practice shooting it at all. (Don’t laugh, I have seen this happen). Then the day comes that maybe their SO or teenage child tries to quietly come home at a late hour. This person grabs the gun in a panic (not being able to think clearly) and ACCIDENTALLY shoots and kills their SO/child. This person can be compared to the drunk driver.

So just because it is UNLIKELY that your loved one would come home late without you knowing it (you could kill someone while driving intoxicated)doesn’t mean it CAN NOT happen and why would you want to risk it even if the chances are slim??????

but you have 2 types of drunk drivers, the one who can handle his liquor and the one who cant. thats like saying im going to shoot someone when i go hunting possibly everytime.

if i slam 10 beers, get up and take a speed limit trip home, i shouldnt have to worry about getting pulled over and having my life turned upside down.

whereas if someone gets drunk, drives home @ 20 mph over the speed limit, and is swerving, they should have hell to pay.

i just wish i could go get drunk, and call for a police escort home without getting into trouble. it would prevent both unnecessary risks for me and the pubic and then i could wake up and have my car at my house. thatd be sweet.

how hard is it to arrange to have someone to be a DD? Or call a taxi?

at your logic.

The issue is, there isn’t 2 types of drunk drivers, there’s infinite types of drunk drivers.

The effects of alcohol on reaction time, etc. have been proven again and again. Add the variability of human nature into the equation, along with other factors like weather and road condition. You can drive home at the speed limit, but when some kid on a bike jumps out at you and you’re so tanked you can’t react quickly enough, then you’ve got a problem.

The reality is, people have been drinking and driving forever and they will continue to. Cracking down on it will reduce it somewhat, but there will always be someone who will continue to risk it.
Very simple.

When you meet with the lawyer, tell him you will only speak the truth about what happened on that night. The lawyer will remove you from the witness list, plain and simple.

No need to go on trial or take the stand

maybe he shouldn’t have driven drunk

you know, drunk driving fines are absurdly easy to avoid.
Just to follow-up, his lawyer called me Wednesday night and I returned his call yesterday.

He asked if I would be available to attend the trial to tell my side of the story. I let him know that I was aware of the version of events that my "friend" was planning to present and told him that I wouldn’t be saying anything except what actually happened. I said my presence would be detrimental to the case. He seemed quite taken back, and said "That’s shocking… and surprising" as if he actually believed the story he had been told. He thanked me and that was it… all of 30 seconds.

Anyone know what the usual deal is with defense lawyers and fabricated stories? I figured that the guy had to know some or most of the facts were being twisted…

I know NOTHING of the law. We have people in law school in this forum.

But common sense…
the defense lawyer is there to serve his client in the same way that any professional is there to serve his client.

If his client walks in the door and says, ‘This is how it happened….’ I would imagine that the lawyer wouldn’t be motivated to argue with the guy. Well, he would be, he would be motivated to challenge the guy in the way that he thinks the prosecuter would challenge the guy. But to look at the dude and say, ‘You sir are a liar.’ doesn’t really seem to be in the lawyers best interest.

As such, it might take a slap in the face (like what you did) for a lawyer to wake up that the client isn’t being honest with him.

First of all…good for you for sticking up for what you believe in no matter what the consequence. I for one respect your decision.

I think some defense attorney’s are just out for the money or how many wins they can achieve …I mean seriously, have you ever heard about how they make rape VICTIMS look like the actual CRIMINAL???? Don’t think for a minute those attorney’s don’t "know" the truth!!!
Cause God knows a rape trial is just a formality.

Why would a woman make up a story about rape? Get real. If people actualy did things like that, don’t you think it would eventually hit the ivy league colleges and the media? Why haven’t we ever even heard of someone that fabricated a rape charge.

Nope.
If he has a dick, you must convict!

Girl power!

Keep the sarcastic stupidity out. Nobody said that a woman won’t make up a story about rape…

ok nancy grace

most supposed rape victims are criminals: Falsifying reports/drug use/sodomy/perjury/
And the conclusion to the story, he got off on the charges somehow… as I expected he would because that always seems to be the case.

At least you’re not caught up in any of it, then.

And now he has another opportunity to hurt someone.
i don’t care if it’s my brother

if he got a dui, it’s on him.

people who get dui’s, or even don’t get them, but do dui, are fucking idiots, and need to be slain.

too many people die from thsi shit. if you think you’re responsible enough to drink, you should be responsible enough to not drink.

are you serious?! that’s light punishment. tell your friend to relax, this shit ain’t a big deal.

don’t lie for your friend. make him eat the shit.

Whatever you do, do NOT take Yuppy’s advice
@Malicious,

I have been in a similar situation with a friend who reminds me of your friend B. He always drove drunk, cheated on his girlfriends, did stupid shit and lied, etc. etc. ad infinitum, and eventually I got tired of bailing him out. It was a conflict for me, because we were CLOSE friends, really really close but eventually I couldn’t take it.

He cheated on his girlfriend and asked me to corroborate his alibi. I had done this before for him but I just couldn’t do it anymore. We don’t talk so much anymore.

It just happens that way – people turn out differently over time. I hate the thing where to be a real man/a real friend/accepted you are expected to back up somebody who really isn’t even a good friend of yours when they do some stupid fucked up shit like homeboy.

With respect to your situation specifically – DO NOT LIE FOR HIM. Perjury is fucking serious and could have disastrous long-term effects. And plus – how does your friend ever expect to get out of anything after what he did was so over the top?

what.the.fuck.?!

wtf are you crazy?

you just pull stats out of your ass!!

It’s all about who you know…..

duke lacrosse

and that only makes news b.c it was a race issue…. it happens a lot thats why the conviction rate of rapists is rather low

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Now, I’m in a new school doing surprisingly well… however, when I started doing my thesis everything just started going down the drain. I worked my ass off on one term just to have my paper rejected the next term. They gave me a chance to do it again, but this time I just didn’t have the motivation anymore to start over.

It’s two weeks before the deadline and I still haven’t done anything for my paper. I keep procrastinating, thinking that I really will fail again like I did in my old school. I don’t sleep well. I sleep every 5-6am and wake up at noon feeling like shit. I feel irritated and hopeless all the time. I started eating more than usual and have now gained more weight (which is just great considering I am already obese).

I even started cutting again; it was something which I did after I failed and got kicked out for the first time. Maybe I just can’t handle situations like this.

Yeah, um thanks for reading (if you did). I just wanted to vent. I’m not really expecting any reply. It’s 7am here, I haven’t slept and I just can’t call and talk to anybody.
develop a plan of attack for doing your paper, schedule time that you are going to devote to it, stick to your plan. execute.
You seem to be looking for a way to just make your paper happen without any effort on your part. In fact, this thread is just another step in a long line of steps, that you have taken that hasn’t helped you write your paper yet.

Look it’s not that complicated….you aren’t writing your paper for a reason….IMO that reason has more to do with you not enjoying your major. Fine…change majors.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking your past performance has to do with anything other than you. You are making decisions that aren’t progressing your through your degree. You are the one cutting class and not doing homework. You are the one that keeps procrastinating.

So don’t say, "Well I just can’t pass" or "I can’t deal with stress"….bullshit. you don’t want to deal with it because IMO you are looking for an easier/softer way. You want something for nothing.

Now this is either caused by being in the wrong field or you may have come from parents that simply didn’t teach you the value of an education….so you don’t care about learning….you just want to get through the classes with as little inconvenience as possible.

That strategy has gotten you shitty grades and that will lead to shitty jobs…..then you’ll have a shitty life. Ok….but make no mistake about it….that IS your choice. As the rock band Rush says, "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
wow, thanks for the replies. I suppose i am looking for a way out. I do realize the value of an education, I just can’t seem to get myself to start working. You’re right, I don’t like my major. But i’m hesitant to switch since i will be starting all over again. I was supposed to graduate at 20. Now I’m 23 and still studying while all my friends have graduated.

As for shitty grades, it’s actually the opposite. I am constantly on the dean’s list. Suppose you’re right, maybe everything else prior to the paper has been easy, and now that it got a lot harder, maybe I just lost motivation, maybe I just want to give up. It didn’t help that I worked my ass off last term for a paper only to have it rejected. But hey, it’s my fault ultimately. The blame’s on me.

Um, by cutting, i mean, the "other" cutting. Thanks for the replies again. It’s 4am here now, I have no one to talk to.
What other cutting? Cutting yourself with a knife? If that’s what you are talking about….you need professional help, immediately. Go find it.

It doesn’t matter what your friends are doing or how they are progressing in life. Shit I knew people growing up that had all their shit together early on. I was a late bloomer. In fact, my first degree took me 8 years to get because I didn’t like the work, I wasn’t motivated and therefore, I didn’t work hard.

Then I got a job and I was trapped in a life I hated. I couldn’t quit my job because I had a mortgage and a car payment and I wasn’t qualified for any other type of work. Not only that, I was too chicken shit to decide for myself what I wanted to study.

Hell I always knew I liked computers and I always knew that I learned that stuff a lot easier than many people. Yet I was too much of a pussy to pursue a degree in that field. However, later in life….when I was in my mid 30s, I realized that unless I grew some balls and made my own decisions about the course of my life….that I would just "end up" somewhere and I may or may not like it. If I didn’t….the chances of me changing it were small.

So I decided to make a choice. I went back to school and pursued a degree that I wanted. I worked my ass off and it was fun. I made excellent grades and just accepted a job that with an excellent company making more money than I’ve ever made.

Look…you want to write your paper….write the fucking thing. You’re unhappy with your life? Change it. Don’t just sit there and cry about it. Make decisions, work hard and pursue your dreams.

Or…you can just accept a miserable life like so many do. They don’t even realize it’s well within their power to change their lives…..they just accept that life sucks.

Well fuck that noise. I don’t accept that at all and fuck anyone that tries to convince me of it. I’ve created a new life for me and my family and it’s been some of the hardest, loneliest work I’ve ever done….but I didn’t do it alone. Now I’m going to start reaping the benefits.

You can too but it isn’t easy and it isn’t free. You’ll have to decide and use your will to keep you on track….no matter what anyone says. It’s difficult but you can’t imagine the feelings that I’m feeling right now. It’s incredible and worth all the effort it took to get me here.

The choice is yours to make.

I think it was Shakespeare that said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Fuck that shit….I ain’t most men.
Oh and regarding working your ass off on the last paper only to have it rejected….what do you think that most people in life never experience a set back? HAHAHAHA oh man…yeah there are those who truly sail through life but they are the minority….the majority have to adjust and overcome.

I’ve had some very serious set back in my pursuits of a better life. However, I’ve never let them stop me. I learned from my mistakes and tried to NOT repeat them. It’s humbling and difficult work but I’ve learned a lot about myself and life simply by studying my mistakes and trying to find out why they occurred, so I’ll never have to repeat them.

This is one reason I watch pro golf. When a pro golfer makes a mistake, they don’t make it worse by letting it get them down and depressed. They don’t cry about a shitty shot and how life sucks and how they’ll never accomplish anything. They damned sure don’t blame it on their inability to deal with pressure and stress. Everyone has pressure and stress.

The thing that golfers do…..accept the mistake. Try to learn from it….then let it go and move on, trying to hold those lessons in their mind.

Very often, if they hit a bad shot….they follow it up with a much better shot and it’s that shot that usually keeps them from making matters worse.

Don’t compound mistakes with more mistakes.

It seems to me that’s exactly what you’re doing with your paper. You worked hard but they rejected it…..so you’ll show them. Kind of like saying,"Fuck me? NO FUCK YOU!" or "I’ll show you bastards how stupid you are for rejecting me…..I won’t do shit"

You know….you aren’t hurting them at all with that attitude. You’re only hurting yourself.

No related posts.

When I was 17 1/2, I graduated from high school and as my present I got the down payment paid for on a lease of 2001 Audi A4. Got a nice deal, with a $325 monthly payment. Had it for 4 years, so I spent a total of $15,600 on it.

In 2005, I sold the A4 out of lease, paid it off and wiped my hands clean of it. I then financed a 2002 BMW 325 Coupe, and have had it for 3 years now this month. Payment is $423 a month so I have spent roughly another $15,200 on it so far.

That is almost $31,000. I look at my bank account and think, holy fuck, how nice would it be to have all of that $ back!? That would pay for all of my student loans and then some.

I am by no means broke…I have worked since I was 16, in college now and graduating this coming May with a degree in film production. But I stop and think, man…I could have worked a lot less, not missed out on a lot of good times because of it, and all because I have enjoyed driving a nice car? Why didn’t I just have my parents get me a used Honda or something when I graduated high school?

Is this something I should really let bother me? Nothing I can do about it now I guess, except to trade in the BMW for something cheaper, which I plan on doing because the extended warranty is up at the end of the month.

IMO, it does sound depressing… it reminds me of my student loans that I’ll be paying for 20 years, and at the end of it all, I’ll be paying them about $90k with interest and everything. That makes me depressed because I take a look at it and say, "Damn, I could of gone to a four year University with that money… would of gotten a scholarship and all that, but no, I had to go for a dream." And then I think about it some more and get more depressed and then say to myself, "I would be doing so much better if not all that…"

In any case, what’s done is done and all we can do now is plan for the future. Plan on making better and more thoughtful decisions in our lives.

It’ll all be over soon.
I feel the same way I’m on my 5th new car and i’m 26 granted two were complete lemons and one got totalled by a semi.

like someone said.. learn and keep it moving.
eh dont beat yourself up about it. u enjoyed the cars now move on to something more practical
You don’t regret it do you? I mean, of course it would be nice to have it all back but then you probably wouldn’t be where you are in life right now.

You make money to spend it.
That’s why I’m always glad I just got a shitty ass Saturn as my first car (still have it). It’s was already paid off a while ago and I didn’t waste a ton of money. However, cars have never been important to me. My Saturn still run amazing after 7 years.

Oh well man, at least you know now and maybe will think twice about buying another expensive car?

I do and I don’t…

I love cars, so I haven’t minded spending the $ on them.

But when I think about it, did I really need them right now, at this age, in college?

One of my passions in life is cars…I’d gladly pay that much over 7 years versus driving a beater around, to each his own Then again it’s always good to keep your other debt to a minimum.
It’s not much better on the opposite end of the spectrum:

My bf settled for a typical 2001 Sentra as his first car. He still has it to this day even though for years he’s constantly dreamed of a nicer car (Audi, BMW, etc.). His still runs well and he actually has plenty of money to afford a nice new car. The other day he said maybe he’d just drive it for 2 more years but get it a paint job. I was like " it doesn’t even need a paint job! Why not just drive it for 2 years the way it is, save your money and then buy the car of your dreams."

I’ve just never understood why young kids who don’t have money get these awesome high class cars. I’m working in an upper class neighborhood right now and I just met a kid 30 minutes ago who was 17 with a brand new Audi. Makes no sense.
Leasing is really only a good option for people that want to change cars every 2-3 years and don’t mind paying for that luxury. Most people are far better off buying a car outright.

The high price of cars is why I drive a Honda. Those things are tanks and I can drive it till the wheels fall off. I’ve had mine since 2000 and it’s still going strong. I don’t have a car payment and it’s great. I could afford a new car but I don’t want to.

IMO cars are never an investment. They are always a consumable….like toilet paper, paper towels and food. Therefore, I don’t like wasting money one one.

Same here…but something like a 98 accord isn’t exactly a beater and would have gotten the job done.

Maybe I should just ride this out…have 2 years left and it will be paid off

The answer? NO but you’ll likely not listen to me.

If you’re in an apartment and going to college then you obviously have a lot of expenses.

IMO it’s much better off to wait until after you graduate before spending a lot of money on cars.

Hell if you had invested that money, by the time you’re 35 you would be AMAZED at how much money you have at your disposal.

ANYONE can be a millionaire. THey just need to consistently invest, no matter how little they have. Even $50/month over 20 years can have a HUGE impact on ones net worth and cash flow. Most people however, are too into the toys…..too bad for them.

I know plenty of 70 year olds that were the same way and now they can’t quit working because they have to have money/benefits. If they had learned how to save and invest, they wouldn’t need to work a day past 65. Most college students are too short sighted to think like this.

I see your point, but I was able to afford it, as well as my current car. It has just come to a point where I think I would rather be paying less each month.

If that makes any sense.

Oh it definitely makes sense. If I were you and I had far more important bills to pay I would switch my car in in a heartbeat.

You’re right

The only other important big bills I have are insurance obviously, and rent…rent is actually cheaper than my car payment

I thought you had school bills?

Well, that too, once I graduate

I do believe you will be kicking yourself once you start paying on those student loans. They have a way of hanging around for many, many years. However, if you had saved that money you spent on cars….you’d prolly be able to make a HUGE dent in those loans and may even have paid them off.

I’d start looking for a different car right now. There are plenty of smaller cars out there (like Camry’s) that run very well, don’t cost too much to fill, and have a long lifespan.

Okay dude you’re killing me with the would have and could haves

We all know I can’t go back in time.

I am not worried that I will have a hard time paying them off, with my degree it should not be a problem.

Ok…well have fun with your fucked up finances then…you’re obviously a financial genius.
I have a 2000 Saturn SL series 4-dr that is just now needing careful attention [it's had great maintenance through the years and a lot of stuff that gets changed at 60,000 miles didn't need it till about 80,000]. I’m going to drive this car into the fucking ground before I buy another car….but I won’t lie and say I don’t dream about nicer faster cars.

:shrug: This one gets about 35 miles to the gallon and has been paid off for about five years now. I know I’m fine at least.
Here’s my car ownership history

97 Accord = $20k, sold for $9k after 2 years
99 Solara = $27k, sold for $5k after 5 years
04 Accord = $24k, still own it

So I’ve spent more than you.
Pretty similar here:
94 Integra – spent about 13k tops including mods, sold for 5k after 6 years to a friend
01 S2000 – spent about 31k including mods, sold for 23k after 6 years

Now I have a 88 CRX that I love to death about to roll over to 230k and runs like a champ! I’m sure I could have done lots of things with that money, but I don’t really regret it. I enjoy the hobby and plan to do it all over again later in life too Right now just saving for a dream car in maybe 5-10 years from now

Hopefully more kids will take your advice. Congratulations on growing up and being a mature person with thoughts, seriously.

Because they’ve spent their childhood watching shit like MTV Cribs or other shows that expose the lifestyles of the wealthy. They think they have to have it all NOW, and can’t wait til they are at an age where they can actually appreciate a nicer vehicle or nicer things in general.

I personally think the media pushes us to have ONLY nice things and people are allowing the consumerism to, well, consume them

Why settle for an old Saturn for $7,500 when you can have this lovely McLaren Edition Benz for $750,000? Why buy a $7 shirt at Ross (no one will know unless you tell) when you can win all the respect of fashionistas with this 1,350.00 shirt that will still end up in the Salvation Army pile in 6 months. Girls, you must have a $2,500+ purse to haul all our Mac cosmetics in. We simply cannot just get the $10 eyeshadow at the drugstore or the $30 purse at Target now can we?

But no one really stops to think about this…are these wealthy folks truly happy? Look at (of all people ) Britney Spears. She was on top of the world for a bit and is now little more than a crumpled media mess. I could rattle on and on, but I can say that when I drive through Scottsdale ($$$$ part of Phoenix area) I see alot of people driving big fancy cars, wearing the nice clothes, etc…but they all have what I call perma-scowl, that permanent frown because they are so miserable because they have no soul, nothing to live for other than the next purchase.

thanks

what are you even doing in this forum?

This is such a GREAT reply!! kudos!

Sounds like you are getting old, and those younger aged purchases were actually worth that much to you at the time, now from a wiser (or older ) point of view, you do not think the expenses were worth it.

For example, we can look back into our own histories and pick out what we regretted.

More however, I am more interested in the ‘what if’ I could look back on myself from the future and pick out the mistakes I will make.

Or, the practical application, evaluate where I am and self observe every moment of my life. And that – that is hard.
I’m in a similar situation. But did the opposite

I’m 23. have a good job. Good income. Plenty of prospects and all that.

But I’ve had my 95 3 series for 2 years now, and was my first car as I used public transport for 3 years and didn’t need a car. got it at 160kms for 10k. Is now worth 8k with 210kms on the clock. I’m in the position now where I can easily afford to lease a newer car, but simply cannot face my money going down the drain. I own it outright and am proud of myself for achieving it.

That said, if you have managed your finances and have not had hardship as a result of the cars and enjoyed them, then so what?

Awesome stuff man…

And you’re right, maybe I am making a bigger deal out of it than I should be
Owning > Leasing

Owning a shitty ass car FTW. I paid $6000 for my Galant a couple years ago. I’ll either run it into the ground in a few years or I’ll sell it to a high schooler for $2000. Either way, I got my moneys worth and I could still potentially get some money back on the investment.

And owning a nice car in college is a terrible idea. Owning a nice luxury car before 25 is a terrible idea unless your job pays very well. I don’t know your situation, but I know I face a mountain of debt from loans when I graduate and I won’t be making good money for some time.
As long as you really enjoyed your cars, don’t feel too bad about it. According to you it’s not like you went broke because of this. You just realized you would’ve probably been happier using that money differently.

But if you didn’t even enjoy the cars and just bought them because you felt the pressure to have nice cars. Then I feel a little sorry. It’s like what the wonderful reply by KatWoman said: a lot of younger people are coaxed by media into buying luxury items they technically don’t need, can’t really afford comfortably, and worst of all…don’t even have the knowledge/taste to fully appreciate. They see beautiful and wealthy teenagers on the television doing it and feel very bad about themselves for not "keeping up".

There’s all these 25 year old girls fresh out of college trying consciously to live the Sex And The City lifestyle. They feel bad not being able to perfectly replicate their social life like the characters on screen. Give me a break. Those characters are supposed to be 35 year old and either very successful in their career or grew up with money. How about you wait ten years before comparing your own lifestyle to the characters on screen.

i feel exactly the same way. i bought my brand new 2003 s2000 back when i was in college. the car is finally paid off (as of last month) but it cost almost $40000 including the interset i paid on it. i promised myself i wont buy another car unless i get a huge promotion or bonus. driving a nice car is not worth it when you think about how it will make you hold back on spending in social situations, like going to bars, hanging out with friends, travelling, meeting new girls… etc,etc.
Isn’t this kind of common sense?

Driving nice cars = $$$$

Yes you should have gone witha cheap, yet reliable car like a honda while you were a student

Plus you paid all that money to get a degree in film production? Don’t get me wrong I hope you succeed, but the odds are not in your favor…and if you fail and don’t end up with a career in film, you don’t have anything to fall back on.
I spent $20k on a 02 wrx. Guy ran a red light and totalled it. Got ALL my money back and some (bought car back, parted out).

Purchased my 2005 STi for 27k. Have put 25k miles on it. Girl might be buying it in a few weeks for 25.5k.

Looks like im making out ok.

As long as you dont regret it, thats what matters.
i also really enjoy cars, and though i in no way spent the amount of (nor had) the money you did i can understand.

turned 19, spent my life savings on a 240sx, sold it to a friend for a small loss a few months after, bought a 87 turbo supra and put about half a grand into repairing and sprucing it up, and used the leftover money from the 240 to buy my gf a mazda protege off craigslist that turned out to be a lemon and broke down in a couple months and is sitting on a friends driveway.

i’m about to turn 20, in community college, and i’m broke cause of this "hobby".

the gf ended up sleeping with my former best friend, (i bought the supra from his brother and he helped me fix it up, along with another friend, who she also slept with later). everytime i look at that car i hate it and love it. last time i saw the protege i felt like smashing it to bits. cars can mean so much more than just a transport vehicle. you may have more money now, but if you were into cars, you must have enjoyed the time you spent driving / maintaining them. cause damn, those are two very nice ones.

Great post.

Sure, it’s common sense.

And I have a foot in in the film industry, but thanks for the concern.

And even IF that doesn’t work out, I work for a 5 star hotel company right now and plan on being there for a very long time.

Luckily I still have $ to go out all the time and party…I do want to travel though. It’s just hard with school/work. Hopefully once I graduate I’ll be able to

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Just because you "have a gf" doesn’t mean your life should immediately become happy.

You haven’t really changed your life. You don’t have a job, correct? You still live at home, correct?
everything "material" or actually everything? there is WAY more to life than collecting all the "material" things you ever wanted.

About 7 years ago, I was living the good life. I lived at home, so had no bills, my mom paid my cell bill, car payment, insurance, bought whatever food I wanted, clothes, plus just hand me cash every night. I had a car that most 17-18 year old "tuners" would kill for. (looking back, the word tuner when your 17 is MUCH different than at 26, lol) It was a mitsubishi galant, bought it brand new in 2001. My mom paid for me to fully build it. and I mean FULLY build it. suspension, wheels, graphics, body kit, hood, wing, FULL interior, FULL motor build from the pistons all the way up, there wasn’t an inch of this car that wasn’t modified, and at 18, i was ontop of the world driving this thing around. beating out guys in their 20s and 30s at car shows, joining car clubs known around the country. I really had everything I wanted. No bills, endless money, show winning car, cell phone, new clothes, etc…. BUT i would go home, and not be happy. ya know why? cuz I was alone, and i felt worhtless. yeah, i had material things 99% of 18 year olds would die for, but, i amounted to nothing, wasn’t working, wasn’t paying any bills, putting my mom into debt, and i had no one to love. So, you can collect all the material things you want, but, if you haven’t filled the void in your heart, i wouldn’t be at all surprised you feel sad.

I hit rock bottom, sold that car, had money cut off, and had to basically live the life of who i was all along, only without the "front" of being rich and happy. it sucked, but now, 5-6 years later, i work full time, rent a nice apartment, own a 2004 350z, have a fiance i love more than anything, and feel a million times better than i used to. even though now, i have anything but endless money, i have tons of bills, its hard getting by sometimes, i collect change for lunch sometimes, lol…. BUT, I’m making it on my own, and i’m in love. sometimes you need to look at the mental picture, and not so much the material side.
You said you had everything you ever dreamt of.

Based on the law of averages, I’m going to assume that your dreams are about average in their grandeur.

Assuming I am correct, that means…

- You are in love with someone who is in love with you.
- You are rich. You have all your pet pleasures on hand.
- You have good friends who form a natural support group.
- You have the time and freedom to enjoy your wealth.
- You have achieved a certain degree of existential calm.
- You are physically fit.

Given that you have everything – why are you sad??
Material crap is just material crap. People need interaction. Cars, computers, tvs, ipods and other junk won’t cut it.

Hang out with your friends. If you don’t have any, make some. Do some volunteering, go out with coworkers, get to know people in your classes if you are in school, talk to people at the gym, something. The love department I have no advice for, because to me it’s not something that you get by chasing it. When it happens, it happens.

Sitting around getting drunk and not giving a fuck isn’t going to change anything in the long run. It’s like putting a band aid on a tumor hoping to cure it.

He didn’t say "material things," he said EVERYTHING.

Oookay. Well, I guess I interpreted it differently. It happens. In either case he doesn’t have EVERYTHING he wants, or he wouldn’t be so down.

So you’re calling him a liar!?

Not at all. What I’m getting is that he thinks he has everything he wants, but the reality is that he doesn’t. I don’t know the guy, I don’t have a psych degree, I’m just speaking on personal experience.
As a person in American Culture, we can’t have everything, we always want more. It is my belief that it is the work towards our dreams and goals that make us happy. Once we obtain our dream/goal, we then need to set new goals or else we will become unhappy. Also we cannot be given things. We will take the things we are given for granted, while the things we work hard for we will take care of better.

It is also my belief that the majority of our happiness comes from our friends and family. It doesn’t matter if you have a brand new sports car and a huge house, you won’t be anywhere as close to as happy as the guy with loving friends and family.

I think this is definitely true for depressives.
you are you going to come back and fill us in or was the intention of that just a single post vent?
i have family and friends. doing ok in school. have a good gf has bad mood swings but cares about me greatly but i dont know feels like somethings missing. can some people just never be happy

Well first of all, you don’t have "everything," so recoginize that because with that fact you can’t use that complaint. Sweetie, you make more threads than anyone I think about something constantly going wrong. I’m not trying to bring you down more, just trying to point it out because it was almost that you would say you have "everything" considering I’ve seen you bitch constantly about your gf, money issues and living at home.

Maybe once you actually get out there and get a job you’ll finally have some money, can move out of your parents house and have a life you’re more proud of.

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1. Create a plan to solve whatever problem I’m worrying about, or at least do the best that I possibly can

2. Stick to the plan

3. Don’t worry about it at all, because other than following my plan, there is nothing that I can do about it.

A couple of weeks ago I had to miss a whole weeks worth of work. Because of it, I can’t pay my mortgage payment or car payment on time, which were both due 3 days ago. There really is nothing I can do about it for at least 2 more weeks, which is when I will get enough money from my weekly paychecks.

Because I know there is nothing I can do, I have no reason to worry about it.

I write the shit down that I keep going over in my head. I’ll sit there and purge till I get it all down on paper and usually there’s a huge purge, like 5-30 minutes.

Then I focus and very often I feel another purge coming on so I’ll run and do that again and get it all written down.

Then go back to work.

Very often 2 or 3 of these purges and I’ve at least got everything down on paper. THen I have to start addressing all those things.
Meditation works.

It looks like Britney Spears.

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