First off, I make roughly 2800-3000 per month

Rent for a 2 bedroom apt – 820(includes heat and water)
Electricity – ???
Monthly loan payment – 140
Student loan payment – 100
Food – ~300
Fuel for bike – ~$30
Fuel for car – ??? not much since I rarely drive it
Insurance – $120
Personal care – $40
Bike/car maintenance – $30
Cell phone – $40-50

Im sure im missing vital monthly expenses there. I guess if I could save $1000 per month I would be half-assed happy. Ive never really rented a place before, but I really don’t want roommates. I know I would save a lot of money, but I would not be as happy.

Is this doable for me? My bike is brand new and paid off, my car sucks, but it’s paid for. I have 20k in student loan debt and 4k left to pay on my loan. Am I taking on too much by paying 820 for rent? I don’t use much electricity so I assume that bill might be $50 at the most per month. Maybe a lot less?

I could live with roommates, but I have done it before and I usually end up being confined to my room because I don’t get along well with them. Or they are pigs. They steal your food from the fridge. And generally do stupid shit that just pisses me off. I have social anxieties which makes hanging out with the wrong people absolute torture for me. And note, my roommates were friends of mine before we lived together. So im not sure there is a way around it.

Also, I don’t have a lot of furniture. I have a double bed, a couch, tables. Im sure I could easily spend another $1000 furnishing the apartment.

Would just like opinions here

Oh, and most of my money is tied up in long-term investment funds. I have like 4k in the bank that I can access. And a steady job. My paychecks are $1400 – 1600/bi weekly. I have loads of free time to get a second job if I needed.
I make $12-$1300 a month, live alone in a one bedroom apartment, and put $100 in the savings account every month. I live in Iowa. Unless cost of living is tons higher where you live, I see no reason you couldn’t afford to live on your own.
It’s definitely doable. Why not get a 1br for cheaper?
yeah, unless there is absolute reason you need the extra room a single would be just fine.

the difference is not much it seems. A shithole 1 bedroom is no less than 650. A nice, respectable, newer building with a 2 bedroom is 820. Which works out to just over $2000 per year.

A nice 1 bedroom apt in the same building as the 2 bedroom, is 775. That difference is only 540 per year. I like the extra space. For storage if nothing else.

Cost of living here isn’t terrible. Things cost more than average, I think, but its not insane.
definitely doable, i have roughly the same income and expenses you do and am living quite comfortably on my own.

That’s a lot of $ to me, but it’s nice to have some space too. I’m looking to do the same thing. I’d ideally like my own apt but it’s going to be so much money compared to staying with my parents for free.
Sounds doable…and if you don’t like roommates, don’t do it. I too prefer living alone to living with someone and having to worry about their feelings (or mine when they’re pissing me off). It’s well worth the extra $$ (imo) to live alone. I also think you will be happier with a 2-bedroom as you will be able to get some of your extra shit out the way and feel like you have more room to live.

Plus, if you feel like you could save ~$1000/mo, you could probably easily put away a little less than that for a few months, drop some big payments on your 4k loan and pay that off within 6 months and then have that extra $140 to save/spend/etc.

edit: For budgeting, I (personally) would over-estimate gas and food. For some reason, I always spend more than expected there, plus with gas costs going up, you never know. You also have no miscellaneous or entertainment type costs budgeted in there.
What do houses cost in your area? $820 a month is a lot to just be pissing away, you might be able to get a house for the same amount of money. Something to investigate anyway.

he only has 4000 saved, which isnt enough for a downpayment

buying a house is a huge burden and He should pay his student loans off first before buying a house.

IF he’s in canada, housing prices in certain province are rediculous.

If he could find a smaller house with a second door he could rent the basment out.

But i dont see a problem with you living in a 2 bedroom. And i agree with you my friend lived in a 1 bedroom which was the size of living room + kitchen and one bed/

He moved into a 2 bedroom with a friend same building and it was literally twice the size.

I live in Alberta. ‘Nuff said

There are condos for rent in town, 1600/mth + utilities. its just not cheap to live here.

Im also looking at a basement suite. Might be sorta cool. That is only 650 per mth, utilities included. But its a one bedroom. I go to look at it this evening. Might be a complete dive though.
I looked at the basement suite today. Actually not too bad. Private entrance, utilities all included, 650 per month. Its got it all. Landlord seems like a cool shit too. I dunno. Maybe I will take it. I don’t think I can find a better place.
You should be able to do it, don’t forget cost of gas and water bills unless that’s included in rent. Also, do you have any credit card bills that you have to pay?
Definitely doable. I bring in around 2K/month and have a studio that sets me back 600 or so, plus all my other bills, and I’m not having to scrap by.
make a budget and live by it

i make less than you and was renting a place for the price you will be paying and afforded it fine

once he went up to 1200/month i was out of luck

in a 1br now at 700/month and have no doubt at all that i will be ok. my budget has me saving 300/month and like i said i make much less than you and have similar bills

I don’t have any credit card bills. For an apartment, the only added bill is power. I would change out bulbs and do the easy stuff to cut back. Its easy to keep it low. For a basement suite it is all included in the rent. And then internet I have to pay for and cell phone bill would go up a bit and cable if I got it.

Looking at my average month, I really don’t know what im spending money on. I used to save receipts and enter them, but I gave up on it.

I have organization problems which would be solved if I had space to myself. I used to be really good at budgets, but sort of gave up now because I don’t really have to space to comfortably do it.
Dude I’m a Newfoundlander, are you retarded? 650 for an apartment, SIGN LEASE NOW!!!

You know how much money you can make!

As a Newfoundlander I know more about Alberta then Albertans. We are built to be born here, move there for years to take your money and bring it back to the province. You no’ this.

Rent here is 500 single 600 double. I expect a place in Alberta to be 800+, now I know landlords charge us more because of where we come from.

You have a steal.

You’d be crazy not to take that place.

Well then again, I’m an Industrial Electrician, I’d rent free. No idea what you studied or make.
Also your food bill will go down once you buy a crap load of food…

I’m a Newfoundlander too

Part God eh? Glad to have known ya.

Sihn the lease. Make the mohney. Raise the kids ome’ tho by you dun wan ur kids smokin meth or some cracked out sheet out der in Albera, seriusly doh.
If you want to live in 2bdrm have a car that you rarely drive, why not sell it?
It’d be cheaper to get a rental or Flex/Zip car for the rare occasion you ought to have a four wheeled box.

oh yes by’e!

And I wont sell my car. I wont get enough money for it. Its worth maybe 500 bucks. And what is a zip car? Is that the car that is made in Canada but not sold here? And also, we need cars because sometimes its just not practical to ride the bike

You could just cancel insurance and let it sit maybe? Zipcar/Flexcar is not a vehicle per se. It’s a car share program.
have any money put away? with the way real state is right now you could own and pretty much pay the same month as you would for rent

A trailer park home in his province is capped out at 300k because people were charging more all the time.

Wat you talkin bout Willis?

Don’t sell because you will need it in winter.

Maybe kill the insurance. That’s risky though when you need it, chances are you’re just gonna drive.

I doubt you can get your cellphone bill much more, I worked for Rogers Wireless.

Other then that you’re figures are cut there for you, you will be paying that much every month.

You haven’t included entertainment or anything, but an internet connection includes all that.

Didn’t include net fee. Electricity will be around 100 dollars (liberal figure), Cell phone minutes will be going up so that plan isn’t so good anymore, I recommend VoIP unfortunately.

Yet another interference of private commerce by Government of Canada

Only in Alberta, however they are having a housing crisis and people are just abusing it. 300k is still a lot of money.

I like our part-social government. The benefits almost outweigh the taxes. I don’t have to work for 4-5 months out of the year because of our system. The other months of the year I’m loaded with cash. No complaints besides a shaggy medical system that needs restructuring due to loss of good doctors to the US, which I will admit, however there are still respected doctors here, and we just converted medical from 2.3 bill to 3.2 bill here in Newfoundland, so things are getting better.

That’s just the opposite of rich getting richer at the expense of poor.

The free enterprise rights of estate owners are being tampered with by the poor crying to the communism.ab.gc.ca

People have to work hard to get rich in Canada.

As opposed to a family name permanently being born with the golden spoon in it’s mouth.

That’s off topic though.
Sounds like you should be able to afford a place fine. Just make sure you keep at least 2-3 months rent saved up in case something unexpected happens.
I make (collectively) about 2K/mo, with a $1K/mo rent on a 1bedroom 650 sq ft apartment. You make $3K/mo. Yes, you can afford to live on your own
Well I got accepted for a large 1-bedroom apartment. I wanted two bedrooms, but this place I have is actually quite large. Large bedroom, large dining area, large living area, average size washroom. The kitchen is very small, but I wont complain about that. It also has a decent sized storage room.

Only downside I can see is that it doesn’t have a balcony. Oh well I guess. And no pets. I have a cat, but he will have a good home elsewhere.

Rent is 725/mth + power bills. Heat, water and hot water are included. I will be moving in on the 9th. Coincidently, on my birthday

I hope it goes well
IL+1 for giving up your pet, you couldve tried harder

lol, he will just stay at home with my parents. It was a family pet. Would have loved to take him with me, but couldn’t.

The only place that allows pets are townhouses. They are no less than 925/mth + all utilities

There is not a broad range of options here for places to rent. There is only about 15000 people living here.

You’re going to have to wait and save a bit if you’re going alone, with the way the market is right now. I’m in AB too, so I feel your pain, haha

I’m in Calgary, renting a 1bdrm 650 sq ft apartment for $1000/mo.

Thing is, it was quite ‘reasonably’ priced, when compared to what was available

I don’t get why Calgary is so expensive. Ednmonton is not bad. Fort Crack is just out to lunch. Areas like Cold Lake, Bonnyville and Lloydminster are decently priced. I live in Lloydminster. Jobs are plentiful here but there is also a lot of demand for housing. Just a few years ago a nice townhouse could be had for 600 a month. Now its like 1000.

Im growing sick of this town, but finally I have a decent job so I want to stick it out for a bit. Alberta in general is just a big rat race

calgary is expensive because we have a negative vacancy rate

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it is a classic "rebound" situation IMO. she was telling me she needed space blah blah blah so i gave her space and broke up with her. i thought she could handle being by herself, but she proved that she can’t.

anyway, this kid doesn’t know that a day after they got together ( i didnt know they were together until after a few days), we still performed some "sexual" things that were norm to us.

i dont have a problem with my gf, but the thing is, the guy she’s dating has family in Calgary. he was supposed to move there this summer. but when they started going out, my ex tells me that he chose to stay here in Ontario because of her.

the guy doesn’t know that my ex is confused as hell and that the only reason why they’re together is because she can’t say ‘no’ to people. he doesnt know that we stil act like a couple when he’s not around.

i don’t really wanna talk to this kid, but what should i do / tell my gf?
huh?

Mind your own business. Stop talking to your EX gf and her new bf

i never meant for our break up to be permanent

WTF did you want? You just want her back because she’s not yours anymore.

wat

Takes two to tango. He isn’t forcing her to fuck him.

dude, i came here for advice, not so that i can hear a lil bitch like you

seriously, i OFFERED to stay away from her. i said, "ok, you got a bf, we’ll stop talking"

but you know what she said? she said "no i want us to be friends"

stop being an assuming mod edit: show some love

like i said, she wanted space, i gave her space

i didnt break up with her because i dont like her anymore
Tell her she should quit with the other dude or tell him the story (more important). If she doesn’t, what she’s doing is whorish, why do you even want to be with her? If she’s holding such little regard for another dude she’s capable in the least to do it to you.

Why don’t you want to talk to the kid?

So say to him: I hear you’re staying in Ontario because of X, is that true? Because if it is you should know: —

well, of course she did. That way, she can go after the new guy she wants, but if she gets lonely, or things don’t work out with him, she can come running back to you.

You’re being used.

Next time, don’t SAY "Ok, you’ve got a bf, we’ll stop hanging out", and simply DO it.
because it’s kind of his fault that he fell for it

seriously, he knew we were together for three years. if he thinks she’s gonna take him seriously when they got together in a week is laughable

i dont know if i do wanna be with her after all of this actually. i just like her company for now

lol, trust me. if this is getting used, then it feels awesome

so what are your long term plans/goals for this girl?

Are you wanting to stay with her/be with her in a relationship? Just using her as a fuckbuddy?

i just wanna stay friends for now. she’s a nice girl, but she proved that she can’t handle a relationship at the moment.

we’ve known each other for a decade now. it’s not like we’re gonna drift apart anytime soon.
so she just called me. apparently, the guy is emo about how she was my date to a party last night.

but the thing is, i asked her if she till wants to go with me to a party next month which we planned (before we break up) and then go to a hotel afterwards…

she said we’re still doing it

As long as you know what’s going down and are fine with it, we’re not gonna argue with you about anything.

But lots of times you see threads like these and the poor guy won’t even know he is being played.

Honestly sounds like you’re fine with basically being friends with benefits, so just enjoy it.

I do. But I kind of feel bad for the guy and his parents. And with karma… I know I’m gonna get fucked in the future for this.

I think what I have decided on is that if they do last longer than I expected, I’m gonna have to intervene and tell the guy the whole story. But right now, I don’t want to because I don’t wanna deal with this bs right now.

ohhh….I got sidetracked and forgot about the part where she had a bf.

Are they exclusive, or just dating casually?

he’s the rebound

read the first post lol

You be surprised how some people throw away their 100 year relationship for a one night stand.
you do realize she likely met the guy long before the two of you broke up and is the reason why she wanted to ‘have some space’

what are YOu doing still talking to her…youre in a worst postition than he is because you actually no whats going on..whter or not your ex is confused doesnt change the fact that she is doing both of you wrong …i would give her an ultimatum

Quit lying to yourself by saying you feel bad for this guy and want to help him. You don’t like the fact that your woman is with another guy, and you can’t handle it.

"She wanted space, so I broke up with her." You know, you have a very good way of making it seem like you had no part in the matter and everything that has happened if all her fault and you’re just an innocent bystander.

no, i don’t really care about being with her. it’s been painful the last few months that i broke up with her game me relief.

i really feel bad for this guy. he has no idea what we’re doing at all.

i can get her back easily. i could break them up in a heartbeat. but i really dont care to.

i know the guy before then, so of course.

ultimatum for what?

im not really in a worse position because there’s nothing for me to care about. the only reason why i still talk to her is because she wants to be friends, and im fine with that. i have the same advantage as before when i was with her except now without the disadvantages

oh and that’s the thing lol. i *do* feel bad. but i dont wanna help him

If you don’t care then why are you here on OT making this thread?

Move on.

Why not stop doing stuff with her that would make him feel bad then?

The stuff that would makes you feel bad for him is 50% yours…but you’re still allowing it to happen?

If you really feel bad for him…stop doing it. To say you feel bad for him, and to continue doing it would be hypocritical.
Stop looking for vindication and cut the boyfriend a break. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit just because your ex is a whore and you think your dick is more important than saving someone else this bullshit of a situation [even if he is emo and can't realize he's a rebound when it's dick slapping him in the face]. Man up and tell him what’s going on. If he’s making decisions like staying there instead of moving because of a girl that can’t keep her legs closed, he needs to know and the sooner the better.

I do feel bad. But not enough to stop it at the moment.

Conscience?

the thing is that he knows we’re still close.

from what i’ve seen in their relationship, my ex wears the pants. nothing that he says matters because she’s not going to follow it to begin with. and all he can do is take it up the arse because he’s "afraid to lose her"

i’m afraid that even if i do tell him that she’s cheating on him, i dont think he’ll be willing to break it off
and here’s an update… i was over at her place last night until 4 this morning. we had sex, twice. i already asked, she’s not gonna say a word about what we did but he knows i was there.

how naive is this guy?
god you are such a tool, i dont think you realize whats going on.

you are getting PLAYED

when your NOT there, your ex is fucking this dudes brains out, she likes the attention of having two guys there, so she keeps you around for her enjoyment, you dont "feel bad" for the guy, and chances are he knows shes still messing around with you, but you know what? he is the MAJORITY, your the MINORITY.

in other words, 80% of the time, your ex that you apparently care so little about is riding this dude and sucking his dick.

20% of the time she is getting attention from you.

it doesnt make you special, and i really dont know what you wanted with this thread

i just said what everyone else who read this is thinking btw

actually,

i’ve been in an emotional situation before with a girl as described by the OP, and there was no jealousy. at all.

my ex-gf (and fwb)’s sex life is only as of interest to me as it makes her happy. because i’m her friend. i hope she has good sex with good men. or good sex with bad men. the fuck do i care which guy she is doing? if she goes steady with one of them, and stops fucking me, it’s nothing to me. i can go get sex elsewhere because i’m a man, just like you and just like the OP.

second-guessing the OP is so routine around here that it’s taken for granted, and then if the OP defends him/herself, they’re "in denial" or "being defensive."

please STOP with this second-guessing stuff, guys. if you have a suspicion, ask it in an open friendly way ("in your situation i would probably be jealous rather than actually benevolent towards the guy. to what degree might that be happening here?") rather than trying to shove it down the OP’s throat ("that’s bullshit dumbass you’re a jealous cunt," "god you’re a douchebag tool moron idiot because here’s what is actually going on with you…").

iwywb & co: some people with low self-esteem will take shit from you as a random internet-advisor and swallow it; but MOST people will react pretty negatively to this approach, whether you want to call it "tough love" or not. especially in the asylum, where a certain MODICUM of respect used to be the norm around here.

OP, if you are actually concerned about the guy’s well-being, wouldn’t it be MUCH better to tell him the situation right now rather than later when it will hurt 100000x more?

so… you win? mod edit: show some love

seems to me that

- most off topic males got fucked over by women at some date
- posters in harmless situations are all therefore getting "played" like the rest of you were

quit projectile vomiting your own lives onto the OP

no, im just posting from my own experiences…

i used to be the "new guy" that this guy apparently feels so sorry for, she was with me for a while, and she would spend alot of time with me even before we started dating (even when she was with him)

i knew what was going on because she told me, countless times we would be doing things, and he would call and we would have to stop immediately because "my boyfriend gets suspicious when i dont pick up"

not to mention the times she had come over and all she had to say was that she was working till 10 when she worked till 8 or something.

her ex boyfriend said almost the exact same things as this guy "we were together for so long etc. it wasnt going to be permanent etc."

how can you deny what he said? he said that SHE wanted a break.

so what was the point of the thread? You came asking for advice, but I think you’ve already made up your mind.

I guess the point of this thread is basically to let it out. I can’t talk to anyone about this IRL because people can’t keep secrets.

i’m getting played? how? of the two of us guys, i’m the only who knows the whole thing. so what if she’s getting attention? you act like i’m not getting any satisfaction out of this

we’re using each other. so what?

meh, who cares what he thinks.

so are you going to tell him early rather than later? wouldn’t that be better for him if you are looking out for him?

how the fuck is that related to me?

*I* am the one doing things to her. *I* am the one fucking her. *He* is the one that doesn’t know what’s going on.

I didn’t mean it to be permanent, yeah, but I was prepared if it never comes again. You think I don’t talk to other girls except her? I already have plans with another girl.
quit getting distracted by random people who don’t get it, dammit!

I’m not really looking out for him. Fuck, I don’t give a shit about him. My conscience is just killing me.

I mean, this guy thinks he’s in love with a girl who loves him back. The reason why he’s separated from his parents is because of her.

I’m asking myself if I still love my ex. Well, I kinda do, but I don’t really feel jealousy or anything like that. More like pity towards the guy.

The reason why I don’t want to involve myself with that guy is because I don’t know how he’ll react. Is he one who would blame me solely for the things we’ve done and excuse her? I don’t know.

It’s fine lol. I expected this

But yeah, I would prefer if people asked rather than assume

meh, it’ll be a hard lesson learned for him. If you want to accelerate it for him, just send him an email with dates and times when you were fucking her

I’m going to come at this from a completely different approach as to why I think this is a bad thing for you right now.

For whatever reason, your ex is done with you, at least relationship-wise. You think you still love her, hell, maybe you do, but it is doubtful she feels the same. She’s with another guy, but still messes around with you. Whatever, I’m not gonna call her a whore or anything, but I would call it behavior that disqualifies her from being what most guys would consider to be good gf material.

The other guy….you know what, forget the other guy. If he’s getting played and doesn’t realize it, that’s his problem not yours.

I think you should cut off contact with this girl. Both because you feel sorry for the guy (your conscience is bothering you about it) and because it is really preventing you from moving on.

You hope/think that by continuing to fuck her (and your belief that you could break them up if you wanted to) she will stay in your life and eventually come back to you.

Really, you’re just hurting yourself. If she wanted to be with you, she would be, and not with the other guy. Your involvement will end with her eventually…she’ll either get bored with you, or find some guy that she really wants to commit to.

Come on man, you say you’re not mad or jealous about her being with someone else, and you have a guilty conscience….so why not just go out and find some other single women to have sex with?

I know, I know…you’re gonna say it’s no big deal, you are just staying with her for the sex, blah blah blah.

but it would really be better for you to just move on now.

Well she clearly did.
Move on.

You act as if I’m holding on for my dear life to her. Even if she breaks up with him and tries to come back, I’m not going to take her back.

Read my other post, I already said I already have other plans with another girl.

I think that’s my plan. Everytime we do it after, she says "this is the last time" blah blah blah.

The end of June will be my deadline. I’ll tell him by then. If my ex actually keeps herself from me, then I’ll back away.

But honestly though, for some reason, sex is so much hotter with her now. The things she asked me to do last night

the guys here are just so stuck on the pathetic man / unfeeling woman dynamic that they can’t figure out how to respond to this thread.

at first, yeah, but now that I understand the situation, I’m confused. He’s complaining about a problem he has the power to address, but isn’t doing anything about it.

then consider it a rant

like i said before, i guess i did this to make myself feel better. it feels like crap knowing that you’re doing this to somebody

that’s why i’m kinda welcoming the hate too

fixed

i literall cannot belieev that everone in this thread is such a horrible failure with women that they assume EVERY OTHER guy who posts is also pathetic and lets people walk all over him. just because you would be pussyhurt in this situation doesn’t mean that every other guy out there has a self-esteem low enough to be clingy and jealous to an ex-gf. the fact that you think this way makes all of you EMBARRASSMENTS to our gender, STOP posting this bullshit, and if you have doubts, don’t assume them to be true, ask them, because the way you’re all going at the OP is not a productive thing to do here in the asylum.

seriously are the OP and I the ONLY ones who have been in this situation?

lol, for some reason, they don’t get the fact that i’m taking advantage of her.

what’s even better than sex with no strings attached? at least i know she’ll stay STD-free because this new guy is a virgin

Congrats, you are a mod edit: show some love

Interaction At The Asylum

When interacting with others at the Asylum please be careful not to comment in a malicious manner. Therefore, offensive comments, flaming, thread hijacking, generalizing… i.e.(All women prefer men that treat them badly, all men are insecure, you are a douchebag), trolling, and attention whores will not be tolerated and said behaviour could result in a ban.

moderator! halp! mod edit: moderator to the resque

On a serious note to , i will have to attend everyone to these rules once more

He doesn’t even want advice. This entire thread is a barrage of BS of how he supposedly "doesn’t care" about his "ex," yet he’s just keeping her around for the sex while she has feelings for him and he supposedly gives a shit about the guy she’s also fucking? Yeah right.

If he actually had genuine feeling or genuine need for advice on what to do then maybe I’d consider helping. Oh wait, I did at the beginning of my thread and I got called a bitch and douchebag…so now I just don’t care. This guy doesn’t need help like others in the forum. He’s getting everything he wants right now. I have the right to state my opinion, and that is that he is a douche bag

o i wasn’t questioning your right to break forum rules, everyone has that right. it’s in the constitution

mod edit: every action has consequenses, you can try to break the rules but there’s a price to pay. This because a right is namely also a responsibility as in not to hurt others in a unconstitutional way as described in our forum rules,rules as said are not absolute but guidelines in order to maintain the balance and harmony in this forum, along to protect people’s personal emotions. This is neccessary due to the deliquate emotional state of being the people are in here and to asses on what we are here for, namely to help eachother , not pounding eachother in the ground, i know it can be somewhat of a nuisiance because i know that everyone has their frustrations, but we need to guide these frustrations into proper channels in order to get fruitfull results, the Asylum is strict in this and we ask our members to honour the laws, i will personally ban anyone who on purpose violates these rules. :

next time don’t assume and you won’t have people responding this way.

this is a pattern folks.

attack the OP.

get called a mod edit: show some love

stop blaming people for their "sensitivity" and learn how to communicate civilly. at least in the forum devoted to that brand of communication.
[quote=iwishyouwerebeer;99904914]Congrats, you aremod edit: show some love QUOTE]
i think this is really hilarious.

i’ve BEEN in this situation, not all men are these pathetic little creatures.

if you say "your real motivations are this, i know, you don’t, you’re lying" you will get a negative response. learn that well and shove it up your douche bag ass.

that is just my opinion, which i have a right to state.

There’s no point in telling him anything. He’s just going to come back with "well I’ve been fucking your gf for the last year that you two were together". Just end all communication with her. I mean there is nothing good that can come from this.

you assumed things out of your ass and you call that helping?

are you female?

i wish i could just end my communication with her. but we’ve been friends since we were 8.

and the thing is, if i’m gonna walk away from this, i dont want that guilt to be in me any longer than it should. i fucked his gf when they were together. the least i can do to unburden myself is to tell him. its just a question of when and how

That is the most selfish reason to enlighten someone I’ve ever heard. I mean, it’s good that you wanna tell him, but kind of dick to only do it so that you can pretend you’re still as good a person as you were before you fucked someone else’s girlfriend repeatedly. Or maybe you do feel bad about it and I’m just not getting the point. Whatever.

Well, since we’re already in this just for ourselves, why does this even matter? You’ve stated repeatedly that you don’t care about this guy personally at all….you’re just in it because the sex has gotten hotter but now that pesky conscience thing kicked in.

This really is a crappy situation, especially since y’all have been friends for so long [I believe you said 10 years?]. I really just think you should tell the guy and stop sleeping with her.

Dont be surprised when she ends her communication with you in a blink of a eye and she won’t think twice about it either. It does not matter if you guys knew each other when you were in diapers. People change as they grow older and sometimes they become a completely different person. I’m sure he already knows and they’re probably waiting for the right time to tell you to get lost.

No one is hating. It seems like he is more attached to this girl than her being attached to him. If he was not feeling bad for himself then this thread would never exist to begin with.

So why create this thread. How you know she won’t ditch both of you to go after another guy?

So far everyone gave their own opinions of what they think about the situation.

No one is attacking anyone.

lol. She just invited me to go out on Friday to get her friend a bday gift.

I told her no. I got plans already

I actually think I am over her lol

I don’t feel any jealousy towards this guy. Definition of over right? I used to get stabbing pains before, but that was gone in a week.
i know people are telling me to cut off communication blah blah, but if i do that, it’s gonna be a while til i can fuck someone like her

she’s no supermodel, but she has firm breasts, nice fucking ass and a tight cunt.

last time we did it, she was saying shit like "my body isn’t yours anymore" "they (boobs) aren’t yours anymore" seriously, how is that NOT a turn on?

it wouldn’t be a turn-on to me

in fact it’d be a turn off

I’d likely say ‘good bitch, now shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of my house’

it was on her bed bro

whats your point?

that i can’t tell her "’good bitch, now shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of my house’"

you could say ‘good bitch, now shut the fuck up and watch the ass that’s not yours walk the fuck out’

no, i got her to suck me off after that actually

At least acknowledge and admit that you aren’t fully over her, you wouldn’t be here otherwise.

If I’m still sexually attracted to her? Yeah, I’ll freely admit that
question: You got her previously, why can’t you go find another girl like her to fuck who is single?

because I don’t have the time to right now. and i don’t want another relationship right away

You think it’s OK to take advantage of someone you love who you have a history with, yet judge her for taking advantage of someone she doesn’t love who she has only just started seeing? You are in no position to judge due to your actions, nor to ruin her new relationship. You are pursuing a new relationship too, have you told her you are still having sex with your ex?

You love her her you don’t want to be with her, you use her, you didn’t want to be break up with her yet you don’t want her back.

It sounds like you were both confused about whether you wanted the relationship or not, or rather you still feel close but don’t want to feel that way, so you still having sex while making plans to be with other people.

You feel guilty because of something you are BOTH doing to this guy, possibly also because you are using your ex (even if she if she is using you too). If you feel too guilty, stop it. If not, live with feeling bad about yourself.

thank you.

I do have plans with someone, but a relationship is not a part of it.

I did love her, yes. But the past few months I’ve had too many headaches from her that I was relieved when we broke it off. I don’t feel like I need to worry anymore. I feel free from that burden. I think that thought/experience is what keeps me from being jealous of this guy because in my head, I keep thinking that she is his headache now. He thinks that he’s living in this wonderland not knowing the danger hidden beyond that beauty. She is not the girl I wanted to be with, so why should I bother worrying? What kills me is that this guy is doing so much for her when I stand by knowing that their whole relationship started as a joke and will continue on as.

I do feel guilty, but deep down, I’d rather make that sacrifice if it means I can keep having sex with her because at the same time, I’m sexually attracted to her – I think even more so now that she’s with someone else.

I guess for the moment, I’ll have to live with this guilt.

Do you realize at all how bad this makes you look? I mean it…look at that statement and reflect on "what does this say about me?"

Are there no other women you are sexually attracted to? Do you not feel that you can get any other woman to sleep with you? That’s what your statements are beginning to tell us.

There are tons of women out there who are sexually attractive and I don’t get to sleep with…but am I complaining and moping about it?

Endings are never as neat or as logical as we would like to think. You tired of the relationship, so did she, but you remain connected to each other. I think you know that whilst this is no longer about the love of your life, it’s not just about sex. Maybe the reason that the jealousy was so painful at first and isn’t now is because you know that you can sleep with her, whilst he doesn’t. Sexual intimacy is something you still exclusively share. I suspect that if she told you she was now sleeping with him, you’d care a little more than you do now. Why is she more attractive now? Because you may be about to lose her and "all that beauty". You are showing clear signs of identifying with the messed about guy, hence your guilt at adding to his possible eventual grief and your increased feelings of annoyance with your ex. There is a lot of confusion and mixed emotion in your relationship, despite you knowing she will never make you happy. He and your new girl will be on the outside of that, a side show, until one of you calls it a day and then the real, final ending can begin.

Men often express their emotional feelings through sex. Your feelings for her are more mixed than they were, but your continuing sexual interest is a reflection of the feelings that remain. Often it is the thought of their ex’s with other men, them seeing their bodies, touching them etc that men find difficult after relationships end, even if they want them to end. Women, by contrast, are more likely to want to remain friends. This is a generalisation that not all fit, but many do.

I’m not advising you what to do, but I’d be aware that you want to remain clear of this girl’s drama yet whilst you are sleeping with her she may upset you more than you think. Your head and heart are likely to remain divided and whilst she may be his headache now, she could still be your heartache. I can’t tell from your post how vulnerable she is, whether she is just using you or, like you, trying to disengage emotionally whilst staying involved sexually because she’s not quite ready to let go yet, but it sounds like that conscience of yours would call a halt if you suspected the situation was doing her damage. Hope so! Good luck

I’m not complaining / moping about it. She’s a great in bed and I’d like to keep it that way.

Besides, we’re both really really young. I don’t think I should care too much about what it "says about me"

I guess I should say something about her.

Yesterday when I was talking to her on the phone, she kept saying "I love him I love him I love him" for a bit. And right before we get off the phone, she says "why isn’t it as strong as it should be?"

I wanted to shout at her ear that maybe because everything from her was forced. But I didn’t care. I just wanted to get off the phone because I was tired.

Today, she started mentioning "maybe in the future right? blah blah blah" and I said, yeah sure why not. Then I told her about me going out with a girl on fri. She’s really good at hiding her emotions so I don’t know if she was surprised/mad/jealous/etc. But truth be told, I didn’t really give a shit. The more days pass by, the more I see of her as nothing more than just for sex.

sounds like you’ve got about a week before she starts wanting to get back together with you
and I don’t think I find her more attractive now because I’m about to lose her. I don’t want to be cocky, but I know how she is. She can’t stopped me from doing anything because she doesn’t know how to say "no." She loves the attention she gets from me.

The reason why I say that sex may even be better now is because there’s that feeling of taboo. Breaking that just feels so damn satisfying.

lol. good luck with her. i sure as hell don’t want her back anytime soon.
The problem is that ‘you dont care’ , its not insignificant its SIGNIFICANT!

Your relationship with her is pointless if you don’t love her,anything you do in your life without love is pointless. You are just having sex with her out of lust, not because you care. She is just a dicktoy to fill up the void black hole in your life.

The most IMPORTANT realisation that you should have is that you are at a DEAD END with her. The unhealthy past events you’ve had with her, are not a good exuse to stay with her in the future.

Where is your SELF RESPECT? The answer , you have none. Because any decent guy would have packed his bags and walked away from a cheater. Quite frankly you do not care anymore , (and this is what you are essensially doing wrong) you should care , why? Because you my friend are having an extremely unhealthy attachment stuck to you. So i’ll give you a healthy life lesson.

Free yourself from unhealthy situations. Did you see the movie HIGHLANDER ‘ there can only be one!?’, the same counts for relationships, there can only be one significant other who you deeply love who you can be involved with. Sex is not a valid exuse to stay in a unhealthy situation in a simular way that the good feeling that drugs gives isn’t a validation to stay addicted its wrong , because just because it feels good it doesn’t mean you are doing the right thing.

Strive only to do the right things in your life, because if you accept and allow bad things like this and her(even if they feel good) into your life then your life is going to be a mess, the whole situation is a complete mess already. Good God , here’s some more advice: Run away Run away.

Thanks. I’ll keep this in mind. I do spend time with her for sex, but honestly, even I know that it’s not gonna last forever. I’m bound to get over it and will end up having to move on eventually.
I’m really not sure why people keep posting in this thread trying to give you advice when you’re just brushing it all off. You even stated outright you weren’t looking for advice, you were just blowing off steam to the community.

Fuck her. Have fun. Feel bad. Enjoy the taboo-ness of the situation.

Its because people think he came here for advice, its not uncommon tho for people to make threads to vent their frustrations and this is the good place to do so. His situation was a little bit vague,misunderstood and unclear for some people.

That’s not good advice because he’s in a state of a limbo, we need to stimulate this person into improving his situation,and jumping out of this vicious circle of non-progressing non-caring attitude , and not staying in a limbo. For him the realisation that its a dead end road with this girl is the most important one. Fuck her,have fun,feel bad ,and what not are all forms of unhealthy behaviour in a unhealthy situation that he has to cut off and stop immediatly.

If someone uses drugs we don’t say ,fuck it and have fun. We dig up the root of the problem and we cure it in order to stop the negativity of the situation, which in fact relationshipwhise doesn’t benefit anyone in a positive way.

He’s not in a state of limbo; he’s in a great situation. Every man on off topic apparently is a giant, enormous vagina whose advice regarding women is predicated entirely solely and deeply upon weak, failed experiences involving getting walked all over and emasculated.

He’s knowingly FUCKING SOMEONE HOT whose seeing someone else.

There’s some guilt out of pity for the other guy, who evidently wants her to focus entirely on him.

The OP probably came in here to have a light discussion on the morality of the situation, until everyone went on the attack and totally misread his post, as if he was some chode who got pussyhurt about leaving his ex-gf like the rest of you vaginas were when it happened to all of you.

Ya know, usually it doesn’t bother me that Keyboard Jockeys (people who are super duper experienced with …. writing on the internet about women … rather than with actually doing stuff with women) post advice here, but when I see a gang of keyboard jockeys projecting their own loserness in patronizing, pompous tones onto someone who isn’t used to it, I guess then, it kind of bugs the fuck out of me. STFU.

Anyways.

OP, apparently I’m the ONLY one who has actually been in your situation, which is shocking, I know. You’d think some guy somewhere browsing the asylum had been fucking a hottie who was being pursued by a pathetic and tragically doomed orbiter.

There’s not much to say about it other than, yeah, it feels skeezy, but ultimately you are the only one who can decide whether it’s TOO skeezy for you. Probably not too skeezy, judging by your replies.

So enjoy the tabooness and go with the flow and make a mess. If it’s a mistake for some reason or another, you’ll learn that better from experience than from the vaginal discharge these posters have been spewing at you for four long pages of keyboard jockey ejaculate.

Am i right?

Yes, stfu. MattThomas, btw, get out of the damn house. You are way too wrapped up in the Theory of Loser Men and need to get some axual reference experiences before ever posting again.
JJJ, if I annoy you that much, do something about it instead of just bitching at me. I get it, we disagree on just about everything. Add me to your ignore list. I’m not going to respond to statements on whether you feel I’m qualified or not to post.

And is it necessary to insult everyone just because we disagree with you?

To the OP, please let us know what you end up deciding to do and how this all plays out.

I was with her yesterday. We didn’t do it as bad as before because she was on her period. Cranky as all hell. She got even more pissed because I gave her a hickey. Even though she gave me two first.

But she wasn’t pissed today though, here’s a convo between us

I know, I talk like a queer, but that’s how it works on her (and most girls actually).

She’s gonna cheat on him over and over with me. It’s never gonna stop until I say so. I’m seeing her again this Saturday at a party.

But I’m gonna try to keep to myself. I’m not gonna try to kiss her or anything. Though I already have a feeling she’s the one who is gonna instigate something.

.

And if she does try to initiate something? You left it kind of vague.
Dude take it from a girl who has used guys in the past.. she is the one using YOU.

JJJ you think you’re some asylum God but you don’t always know everything….

Sounds like he’s just ridiculously passionate about this thread and the TS because he was in a similar situation…doesn’t mean he’s somehow understood everything in a different light.

I suck at online sarcasm.

Besides, I think this is a good learning experience for him. Let him fuck himself over – "it builds character."

*sigh* you just repeated what everyone else has over and over.

maybe you can explain? because from here, it feels like i’m using her as much if not more as she’s using me

well, I can’t say much about that, but going from what you’ve said in here, she’s still having a strong influence in your behavior and what you do, which implies she has some degree of power over you.

what that means, in regards to you, is another question

no. she has no influence on me at all.

i.e. you thought to yourself "i’m using these guys" while one of them wasn’t really interested in your power trip and just enjoyed the easy vag you gave him, like the op?

just recognize not all men are cunts that’s all i’m saying

I think the horse meat is tenderized enough by now….

i feel so used
she sure is getting her fix of "attention" from you. Must be like a drug for her. Here is the best advice I can give you. Get with another chick at that party and pour all your attention onto her. It will drive your ex nuts and make you more attractive to her.
fucked her again last weekend… that’s it i think. i’m sending her bf an email

That’s the e-mail?
Wow, this thread took me ages to read…

I am sitting here actually in awe of all the comments about it. Am I truly the only one here that sees that this girl is just having her cake and eating it too?

The only one I really feel sorry for is the guy she is with that is unaware of her cheating on him (the OP said he was a virgin, so he is probably EXTREMELY naive).

I really think that the e-mail sent by the OP to the bf is a little harsh but at least you made him aware of the situation. Now it is up to him to either leave her or deal with her cheating on him (because honestly, let’s face it, this girl is an attention whore and if it’s not the OP it will be some other guy she cheats with).

Personally I have too strong of a morality base to be someones play toy when they are supposedly involved in a relationship, but to each his own. I have no ill feeling toward the OP because as he said he is young and this entire situation completely reeks of immaturity.

When you are young you "sow your wild oats"…keep in mind though, you WILL "reap what you sow" someday…are you prepared for that?

I like the email. Makes you look like a total ass. Seriously man, if you feel the need to tell someone that their SO is cheating on them, at least be mature and do it in a respectful manner.

And I LOLed at the "I tried…" part. You didn’t. If you had wanted to stay away from her, you would have.

This guy deserves no respect from me. It’s not because he’s with my ex, but because he’s just so fucking stupid.

That’s why I want it to end here. If my ex still approaches me after this, then I won’t feel like shit anymore. If she stays away from me permanently, then that’s one headache gone.

I was cracking up and shocked that someone could be so ignorant at the same time.

"I tried"

you know i always wondered how you became a mod of this forum when you’re so fucking useless

then i realized you don’t even mod this forum

she doesnt….

You need help but are unwilling to take it, so I gave up on that a long time ago with you

Were you really expecting a pat on the back or something for that letter? Why not be a real man and tell him face to face?

lolz, because if you have half a brain, the moment i say "she’s cheating on you" the guy would go to lala-land and will not listen to what i have to say

you are such a woman

You got me there.
at first when I read this thread I was like why are these people really getting on this guy hes just doing his thing. As the thread progressed you come off more and more scumy. I had a similar situation but when I approached the guy it wasnt how you did it. Your email made you look like an ass. You know what the other guy seems like an ok guy he is just kind of sheltered and obviously is really into this girl.

You should have approached it differently. How I did it was I hit him up on myspace because I had no other way to contact him and I was pretty nice about it I told him who I was and what was going down and told him if he doubted me because really I would doubt a random guy emailing me then he could contact me again and I could furnish proof he did and I showed him the proof that he needd. He didnt end up breaking up with her but at least he knew the truth and I didnt come off like an ass.

Plus reading your ims with her you can tell that you are still into her. Your trying to come off like your running things but really from reading those IM’s you are both into each other and shes using this other guy to get you jealous and your mentioning girls to her because your guaging her reaction.

I’m sorry if I haven’t written every detail, but my ex already told me that the guy doesn’t like me. He thinks I’m a jerk etc. I shook his hand (I offered my hand) first time I met him, but my ex said after that he wants to fight me Basically, everything about us being friends is already blamed on me. Instead of confronting my ex, he’d rather blame that her being friends with me is my fault (even though I offered numerous time that if she wants, I can stop talking/seeing her) But she said no.

And the reason why that IM was like that was because I did it on purpose. I wanted to show how she could be like with me. I barely use MSN with her because we always talk on the phone.

here’s an email she just sent me:

the ring was an anniversary gift
of couse hes gonna be pissed at you she probably spun it and rolled with it. In the end you might as well admit it to yourself you both still like each other.

Haha, it’s true that I do like her. But to be honest, even if they break up now, I wouldn’t want to be with her

.
I talked to him instead. I had to, the guy doesn’t check his inbox apparently.

Told him almost everything, the ex was there and she confirmed it.

That’s it, I’m done

very. she asked why did i have to do it. i told her we had to. she said we could’ve kept it a secret the whole time.

i dunno, after that, i dont really give a fuck about her anymore. time to move on i’m going to chicago with her next week, after that, im not planning to see her til two months later on her birthday.

honestly though, when i’m too tired to think, i regret that we ever broke up. but once i start thinking and remmebering the headache i got from her, life seems so much better.

if she doesn’t cheat on him with me anymore, she’s going to do it with somebody else anyway. not now, but in a few months once her initial interest wears off.

How is seeing her for a week and then planning the next time you’ll see each other not giving a fuck about her?

yeah if you got to plan it then your probbaly not gonna do it you will keep putting it off

In for thread update of "We fooled around/slept together while we were on the trip".

I’m going to point something out. You say you want to ignore her, and move on…but you’re not doing a very good job of it. You keep being around her. We already know she has no problems cheating on her bf with you, so it’s doubtful that she is going to restrain herself.

You’re just allowing yourself to be around a temptation. Nothing is going to change until you stop hanging out with her.

But I’m starting to think you really don’t care about moving on and ignoring her as much as you say you do.

the trip was planned with other people loooooooong before we broke up

at least i’m doing it bit by bit. i took her off my facebook / msn and havent called her since. the only time i ever talk to her now is when she calls me. and when she does, i make sure we get off in 5-10 minutes or so when we’re so used to talking for an hour or more

Kudos for starting the process. Cold turkey is always better, but weaning yourself off her is good too.

I don’t think it’ll be enough time to resist temptation when your trip rolls around, but good luck.

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