Ever since the divorce I have been spending money like crazy. Here is the list so far (in order of purchase date):
Sirius satellite radio
Xbox 360 (with games/controllers)
Xbox Live
50" Plasma TV
5.1 Wireless Surround Sound with 5 disc upconvert DVD player

Now here is the thing, I haven’t just gone out and thrown all this on a credit card. I bought the Sirius with my tax return, the xbox with a bonus from work, the TV with my cashed out 401k (don’t comment on this please, thats another story), and the surround sound with the price match rebate I got after the TV went on sale.

I use the Siruis everyday at my new job and have been looking at getting one for a long time. I bought the xbox to keep myself busy when I wasn’t working so I wouldn’t be thinking about suicide or my exwife. I cashed out my 401k from my old job to pay for repairs to my car and used the rest to buy half of a plasma TV and then when I saw that the TV went on sale (gg Best Buy price match guarantee ) they credited me the difference and I bought a badass home theater sound system.

Am I trying to fill a void by making purchases? Or am I realizing that now that I am single (and have a pretty good paying job) that I can buy all the toys I wanted and not have to worry about a family?
Are you living within your means? Are you still putting money aside? As long as this isn’t getting unhealthy, and its not impacting your financial well being I don’t personally see anything wrong with it. Hell I just got a new job and I have the itch to drop some cash on a new toy maybe its natural.
Yeah, I can still pay all my bills, my car loan, inusrance, etc and I am throwing a bit of money into my savings account that I never touch
your are missing hookers and blow, I don’t think you are spending to spend maybe its just things you wanted that your wife didn’t let you have. All the things you bought kinda go together to.

Haha this is true. We had an old crappy CRT TV for the longest time until her sister gave us a old 47 inch (non HD) and she would never let me get a 360. Its amazing how much your bankroll increases after the breakup
I don’t know about a void but I’m pretty sure it’s common for depressed people to loosen up on their spending and buy a lot of stuff. When I went through a rough time I ate out a lot and racked up a little bill on my CC.
Sounds like you just want good music and like video games. Nothing wrong there.
I "cut loose" a little too after the divorce. Nothing crazy, just did what I wanted, without that angry little voice bitching in the background.

Its not too late to turn back

I sure as hell do.

Probably. So what? Go get laid
That doesn’t look excessive to me. You’re still living in your means so I don’t really see a problem especially since you are enjoying yourself with the things you bought.

You got that right. I’ve jumped 20 points on COD4 since I got the plasma tv

I like this suggestion
That’s exactly what I did when I divorced. I bought a bunch of shit I didn’t need, and now I regret it.

It didn’t take long to get out of it, but the damage had been done. It wasn’t damning or anything, but it was a waste. I had this friend who I’d go shopping with every weekend, and I’d buy shoes, jeans, etc. I’d buy her lunch/dinner, you name it. It was like I had to prove to everybody that I was self-sufficient, even if it meant being financially irresponsible.

Break the cycle when you recognize it. You’ll thank yourself in the end.
All these purchases are spread out over the course of about three months. And I have bought myself a new pair of jeans and two new shirts in the same time as well but I am actually pretty stingy with my money. Its just a few huge purchases that I make instead of lots of small ones. I try not to spend money I don’t have though. I am trying to keep an eye on it
I have been spending like crazy to, (not divorced, just depressed), and take it from me, it doesn’t work. In the last 2 months I’ve spent a shit load of cash, including a brand new car, and I’m still the same miserable fucker I was before. Only now, I have nicer stuff.

He doesn’t need that stuff but it sounds like hes getting quite a bit of enjoyment out of it. From what I can tell he is still spending his money responsibly; he isn’t incurring any debt from the purchases and he can still afford to pay his bills.

What’s your gamertag? I will add you and destroy you

I got a lot of enjoyment out of what I bought too, but it was temporary.

arkaybee

and yes, you prolly will ha. I’m not that great….yet.
Nothing in life can fill up the black hole in your soul ,exept by loving and helping other people. Its an expression of frustration to buy those things because you weren’t allowed to get them during the relationship. This only displays that there was an ongoing battle over control inside of the relationship, it seems both of you were extremely unhappy with eachother. I don’t think she accepted you for the person who you were, and pushed enormous pressure on you to change. Trying to change a person during a relationship is in general a bad idea, but sometimes its essensially needed. But it can come to a breaking point where you just have to escape from all the misery.

Don’t feel bad about the things you’ve bought, its just steam your venting, its true that you don’t need these things, but you definitly did need to release some steam from the kettle. If i where you id put the things away and not spend so much attention to it anymore. Rather don’t waste time and get your life organised. Computer games aren’t designed to make you happy, like any form of addiction they make your life go around in circles, breaking the cycle and moving forward with your life, is life changing, you need this life change, and you should only waste effort on those things that will make you go forward in life. This is something you should not underestimate, think about it,and free yourself by jumping out of the vicious circle of denial and computer game addiction.
I kinda did the same thing when I broke up with my ex but then again there were other issues at hand..

I bought a guitar and a z28

Whoa…who said I was addicted to computer games? I play them more now I have an awesome TV but I don’t think I am addicted. I shut it off when I need to go to bed (around 11pm, sometimes earlier) and only play for about an hour at a time on most days.

I feel that my life is in "recovery mode" right now. I have tried to dissapear from the world and have restricted talking to and hanging out with only a small selection of friends who have been there for me through the good and bad.
buying things wont make you happy forever, but it helps for a little while. if you are not going in debt, then i dont see the problem with those purchases.

just keep an eye on it. eventually you will run out of things to buy to keep yourself happy and you will have to find a new way to get over the divorce. but as long as you dont lean on that cruch forever, enjoy

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Oh, and my car is insured for 30-days after purchase and title transfer.

I did something simular , mine got smashed ,crushed and pulverised. what did they say again, oh yes: Sorry. i was like

I hope your scenario goes better

I since then don’t lend out things unless its a complete emergency and i suggest you don’t do either. People need to have their own act together, and them bogieing you out on not being a man of God or an adult shouldn’t mean jack shit to you. Fuck that shit, just because her grandfather died you have to lend out your car? What the hell is up with that, can’t the car company give her a borrow car until her wreck is fixed?

The only reason you should lend out the car is because you’ll have your mother hate you forever.

Here’s my advice: Get your car insured ALL RISK!!! ,its a new car so its worth it. And if a crazy ho is going to drive it maby with XBF revenge intensions,do it BEFORE SHE LENDS IT!!!.

I feel you are not obliged to lend out your car at all, i feel 100% the same as you. But im afraid you need to put your hands in front of your eyes and see thru this. ffs
the car is insured, and its just an old ass miata. I offered, not anyone else.
I can give myself a similar scenario.
ex-gf smashed her car up by rear ending another driver on the way to my house to help me put up a x-mas tree, she never made it to my house and totalled her car bad (and almost got hit by a semi in the process)

Part of me felt bad because she did this while coming to my house, but then I thought to myself "well, she was driving and could have been going anywhere and this could have happened." She was hinting at wanting a used car now since hers is totals. She drivers her parents truck at the moment. I would never let her borrow my car or buy her a used car. Only thing I did for her was point her in the right direction of people I knew who were selling their cars. She can take care of the rest on her own.
so everyone is not reading the thread and suggesting that I not let the girl borrow my car…instead of reading that my mother is giving me shit, as an adult, over not loving jesus and assuming guilt for shit from my childhood? lol
sorry i read the thread but really thought you were lending out a brand new car to her, i guess that in the asylum i tend to take posts serious

The whole lending out stuff issue is rather sensetive IMO,because its really nasty if you get betrayed, but it feels good if you lend out to someone you can really trust, and you get everything back in good shape. But yes i really thought your mom was giving you religious lectures for not willing to lend out your car.

no, she’s telling me to right my wrongs and hook up with this girl again to make her feel better…lol. Its a $1400 miata, I’m not that worried about it.

This thread is not about lending a car, its about my mother imposing guilt upon me for leaving one girl who I didn’t want to be with.
well, then do it as a favor to your mother then. bummer that she had to approach it from a guilt-on-you point of view, instead of "hey can you help me help someone…? "

but on lending, not to jihack… i never lend something i wouldnt give away in the first place. i have to understand the possiblity i might never see the item again, before i can decide to loan it out.
Translation: I am your mother and always know what’s best for you and if you disagree you are a) a child and b) going to burn in Hell, so be grateful that I set this up this chance of redemption for you.

Classic!
I would not let anyone drive my car, yet alone borrow it.

The only times that other people drive my car is when I am in the passenger seat because I am incapable of driving (too tired, don’t feel like it, or drunk).

she called me a couple times over the last few years and asked me to thank her for raising me as well as she did. She also hit herself and blamed her c-section scar on me…lol.

If someone offers you a gift but you refuse to accept it, who owns the gift? The giver.

Same thing applies to guilt. Just don’t accept her guilt trip.

You really can’t change that. When people start thinking they are better than you because of some invisible friend they believe in with no real logical reason in doing so they will become very selfish and irrational if you don’t as well. There’s many religious people who are like this, and many that are not. All you can do is tell her you respect her beliefs and you wish she could be mature enough to respect yours.

If she were born in a different country she would believe in something completely different than what she does now, most likely. All because she was raised in this christian nation doesn’t make her any different than anyone else, she just talks like that because by nature christianity is very selfish and spread through force more than most religions, and a good amount of it’s followers reflect that.

Lol! Given this, I suggest you stop trying to earn her approval by meeting her expectations as she will always withold it to get you to do what she wants and to have someone to blame for her lot in life. Instead, listen, reserve judement, then later decide what you think is reasonable to do and accept that she can say, do and think what she likes about you.

Also if you withdraw from her when she is blaming/controlling and contact her only when she isn’t, you may find that eventually she does it less as the power will have shifted and she will need the contact more than you. If she doesn’t, it’s her loss and your gain. No adult relationship should be conditional on one person’s attempts to control/belittle the other.
I don’t really give a shit about earning my mother’s approval. lol

Good, because she sounds like the insane one in the family!

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Even though you werent "drunk"… I am an advocate of not driving even after having one drink, no matter how far from the legal limit you were. Be careful and smart. Please.

hell no, the fact that i just did something really fucking stupid
Just tell them someone must’ve sideswiped you when parked.
dont lie, karma’s a bitch.

tell the truth, suck it up, the storm will pass, i promise.

be safe, be smart
why are you hesitant to tell your parents unless you’re still under their insurance and worried their rates will go up because of it?

I’d just tell them next time you see them, people get in accidents all the time, its no big deal if its just minor damage like that.

Sounds like you believe you were either a bit too drunk to be driving or that you know you were doing a ridiculous speed.

You got away with it, so I’d say to take it as a life lesson, that may save your life in the future one day when there is an oncoming 18-wheeler, instead of a guardrail. Put away some money every month, and you’ll eventually be able to fix it without affecting your insurance. Finding one of those "bras" might be able to cover the damage.

As for telling your parents….. depends on your relationship with them. If you have that enviable open, honest relationship, then there’s no need to break that now.

I thought you were a superior human being. Join the military already.
well i told them about it, they’re relatively cool, just disappointed.

it was the speed more than the drinking. i took a tight corner going uphill at probably 60mph (was watching the road more than the speedo), tires/suspension just couldn’t hack it and i went into a drift. it was at this point that i think the alcohol was a factor, my beerbrain was thinking too simplisticaly, my thought process was "shit, i’m going so fast, better slow down" so i braked in the middle of the drift if i had just accelerated even more i could have pulled out of the drift and probably been fine. but i braked, just kept sliding sideways and slammed into the gaurdrail.

the funniest part was my first thought was god damn stupid fucking guardrail i quickly realized that had it not been for that rail i would have been off a cliff
lol, I did that once before 4 years ago. I had just bought a brand new car and took a turn too fast (no one was on the road, and yes I had a few drinks in me) and jumped the median nearly hitting a sign. I warped the tire, split the rims, and jacked up all the supension and steering components in the front passenger side. I was embarressed too so I told everyone I swerved to avoid some animal and jumped the median. That was easier than saying it was my own stupidity.

nobody would believe that from me

Honestly, probably wasn’t the alcohol. It’s EVERYONE’S first instinct to brake when shit goes wrong like that. You’re not thinking logically, you’re going off of instinct, which makes you want to slow down since you’re going fast.

Sounds every bit like too much drinking. PERIOD.

I doubt it… this guy openly advocates drunk driving.
Forget your parents, you are so lucky the cops didn’t find out.
I hope it happens again and that guardrail is gone. Makes me sick when I get pulled over for having a fast car when doing nothing wrong and there are retards driving corners in shitty cars nuder the influence of alcohol.

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Last few years, I’ve started hating my bro’s guts for all the drama/problems he caused with my dad. I think that’s made me bitter over the years, especially around/with him.

On top of that:

1) My parents lost their jobs. My dad got fed up at his lat company and hasn’t been able to find anything steady since. My mom had an incurable disease (psoriasis) on her foot/hands so she can’t really work.

2) My bro got a house and got married, just before/around my parents lost their job.

3) My bro got a new car recently.

4) He has a baby on the way.

5) With dad at home, he continues to drink and many time I come home and he’s in this semi-drunk state that he seems fine and sober but is like a loose canon (especially since he and my mom have bickered for YEARS). We went (pseudo) camping this weekend and my dad was semi-drunk going there and it totally ruined my mood. My mom also told me all his fucking antics at home with alcohol instead of looking for a job. THere’s a lot more to this than I can type but gist of it is, he feels "The kids have a job, and you (wife) aren’t working so I don’t have to"

With all these things happening on his (bro’s) behalf, I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick and am getting left out.

I have to support my parents and my sis – who is just starting to get into her career work – doesn’t pay a lot just yet. I pay the mortgage, and all the bills (hydro, phone, cable, insurance, etc.) and with that, I can’t see how I can have enough to move out on my own.

I’m also getting to an age where I should be with a girl hoping to get married but with all this on my shoulder still living with my parents to support them, I feel like I can’t because of this situation. I feel like I am TOTALLY getting screwed.

My bro (who I’ll say is seriously pussy whipped) is always being all cute and ‘serving’ to his wife and that just pisses the fuck out of me. Probably because I see him in a way that I want to be (happy, loved, enjoying the blissful side of new marriage – sans the whipped part)

I dunno, I feel like he’s seriously living it up and I am SERIOUSLY getting fucked up; the more I think about it the more it drives me nuts. And it’s so fucking hard to get out of this unless my dad gets a job to help me out.

I dunno, it makes me look bad I’m bitter around him (wonder if anyone notices) and it sucks to be enveious/jealous, but I can’t help it with my situation.

/vent
It’s not your brothers fault. It is your fathers. Your brother is living his life. Just as you should be living yours. Not going through a martyr complex.

You cannot be responsible for supporting him (your father) for his own selfish actions.

Leave and start your own life. Will be difficult but will be better in the long run for all concerned.
thats a tough situation. how did it all start?

did your family ask you to help with the bills or did you take it upon yourself?

either way, I would give them an ultimatem of when i would be done helping out (and move out at the same time)
Well, we’re east-Indian (although pretty ‘Canadianized’ considering we’ve been here over 20yrs+) so the whole family values of sticking together is pretty important.

I chose to help out but the fact that he isn’t trying and has been this long is just making it WAY too difficult.

And yea, last night my mom and I talked about some of the shit and I told her about how it is. I was being emo but I pretty much said "My bro has a house, just got a brand new car, has a wife, and now has a kid on the way, and what do I have? Nothing"). Took a bit in me to finally tell her but I got it ouut.

I’ve been the quiet one during all those ‘fights’ in the past; I never wanted to involve myself but at this point, if I don’t say anything, as my mom said it "If you (me) don’t say anything he’ll (dad) just think everything is alright"

Things just snow balled after parents lost their job which is when these things pretty much started I suppose. His drinking/arguing/drama in the house has been like that for the last decade or so.
I understand the cultural aspect but I suppose everyone has a breaking point.

how acceptable is it in india for a father to do what yours has done?
I dunno. I mean we aren’t "HARDCORE" like other Indians. I almost consider myself lucky because of how lenient our parents are. But being selfish and ignorant just isn’t acceptable, regardless of culture or race.

I feel like I’m getting old and am not really going anywhere in life and this burden is just keeping me stranded. I really need a break from him (financially) so I can move on.

I mean with the way things are, I hope I don’t have to be the one to "give away" my sister (weddings = $$$$)

I guess it depends from a culture point of view. I am hispanic and we value parents over anything. So if your father or mother is sick, you should take care of them, you are still responsible for them, something that goes against this country’s culture.
So yea, this is great.

I walk into the house from work only to have my mom tell me that dad was drinking again through the day and just verbally abused her.

I really don’t need this. I’m puttin’ his booze away and cutting off all $ to him.

I’m not going to argue or cause a huge fight with him (I obviously don’t want my sis – who’ll be home in a few in – to go through it). I’m just going to hide his shit so he can’t touch it.

If I’m paying the bills and mortgage, he might as well consider himself a guest under my house.

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