So I met this girl the beginning of this semester. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time and i though she was funny and cute so i turned all my efforts to trying to start a relationship with her. At first we just talked on aim every night before going to sleep but as time went on we started talking on aim all the time.

One weekend I became very sick with the flu and I had to be brought to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn’t have a way to get back to campus and with her being one of the few people I know on campus with a car I called her and asked her to pick me up. Later that night after I got back to my room I talked to her on aim and thanked her once again then asked her if she would like to join me for dinner as my way of saying thank you. This was just my way of trying to get closer to her but she said that it wasn’t necessary and that she did it out of the kindness of her heart. I said okay but then i asked her if she would let me treat her to dinner because I enjoy her company. She agreed to this but i could sense she was hesitant.

later that week i reminded her about our "date" and she seemed like she forgot then she said that it would have to be really early because her boyfriend was coming to visit her that weekend. I said okay but i really felt like canceling because she never mentioned the fact that she had a boyfriend. But I hate cancelling on people so i just went through with it anyway.

So that friday i took her out and we had a great time at dinner with a lot of jokes and after dinner she told me that she was having a little party with a couple of people in her room that night so i should stop by. Since I didn’t have much to do that night I told her i would stop by. I stopped by and there was a large group of people in her room. Me being a relatively shy person decided to force myself to get to know some new people that night. Well for the most part everyone seemed to be pretty cool. The girl i took out to dinner, kate was around drunk out of her mind (she’s a 3 beer queer) and she kept telling me to get ready cause I had to play beer pong with her. After our game of beer pong she was quite wasted and I was bored so i told her I was leaving. She gave me a hug goodbye and we parted ways.

The next day i went and got my first tattoo in the center of my chest. The tattoo artist warned me that if i got the tattoo there I would probably never get another one because it hurts like a bitch there. Thinking that I was more than man enough to handle it I told them to put it there. The moment the needle touched my breast plate I felt like crawling up in a ball and crying. But I had a female tattoo artist and I don’t like showing pain in front of women so i just took it. After that was done all I wanted to do was to drink until pain was a distant memory. Up until that point I hadn’t drank for about 2 months which is when i started taking zoloft for depression. Knowing that kate was having another little get together in her room again that night i gave her a call and ended up going over there. When i got there everyone was just sitting around talking nobody really drinking. So i just sat down and quietly drank about 3 beers in 3 minutes. There was a girl there who was bitching about nobody drinking when it was her birthday so a guy in the room offered to drink some rum with her in his room. I asked if i could have some too and he said sure and we all headed into his room.

I don’t remember much from that night but I was told that i took 20 shots and i woke up around 4 30 that morning sitting shirtless in the dude that i met that night’s room. I had puke all over my pants and the guy was laying on the floor sleeping in his own puke. Kate told me that after our 20 shots both me and him went to her room and he passed out on her roommate bed. Apparently I was sitting in a green chair of hers and at one point I just started puking everywhere. So kate and her boyfriend brought both me and this guy back into his room and left us in there. I had to go back there the next day to get my hoody and i went to kate and apologized for what i had done. she said it was fine but i could tell she was pissed.

After a while she got over it and then after asking her many times and her saying "yes", then changing her mind, she started going to this boxing class with me on campus. I assumed I would be doing the class with her even though i had been partners with a male friend of mine. But when she got to the class she had brought a friend of her own whom she didn’t tell me she was going to bring. I accepted this as her way of trying to have somewhat of a buffer zone if things got uncomfortable. Even though we weren’t in the same group we still joked around a lot and had a good time with each other.

As time went on I grew use to going to this boxing class with her. But as spring break neared I noticed that she didn’t seem as happy as she normally did. I started asking her what was wrong and eventually she opened up that she was going through a difficult time because her parents were getting a divorce. This became one of the rare instances where i can actually say i was there to support someone through a time of need. The day before classes were to end I gave her a huge at the end of our english class and told her to call me anytime she felt overwhelmed. To my surprise she actually did call me. In fact she called me everyday during break and she said many times that talking to me made her feel better.

When break was over we had arranged to hang out and watch a movie together that sunday night. Well that night she came over and we kinda watched raging bull but most of the time we just talked and joked around. When she left I gave her a big hug and she told me again that she really likes my company. The next day a pair of slippers i had ordered for her came in the mail and after our boxing class i brought her up to my room and gave her cow slippers (she lives on a cow farm and she loves cows….in fact she got a cow tattoo during spring break). During break I promised that i had a gift for her that would make her giddy. She was hesitant to admit it would make her giddy but after giving them to her she genuinely seemed giddy.

That friday since both of use finished classes around 2 I called her and asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said sure so i went over to her room and we watched the little mermaid together since she didn’t get a chance to see it growing up. During the movie we joked around a lot but as our talking started to die down i put my hand on her thigh. This soon progressed into me rubbing her thighs then eventually to me holding her as we watched the movie. When her roommate unexpectedly walked in she jumped up and pretended as if I was nowhere near her while we watched the movie. I guess she doesn’t want her roommate to get the wrong idea about our friendship since her roommate knows she has a boyfriend but still her reaction to her roommate walking in kinda hurt me.

Later that night i got a text from her asking if i knew anyone that could get beer for her roommate. I told her no and as somewhat of a call for attention i told her that i felt like shit. she asked me why and i told her that i felt like i was having feeling for her that i don’t think she had for me in return. She responded telling me that i shouldn’t feel any type of way that would cause me to think that I can’t be friends with her and that she wanted us to stay friends. I accepted this but i still kinda felt shitty.

The next day i didn’t really have much to do that night and i was lonely so i asked a friend of kate’s, beth, if she would mind joining me for dinner. she said sure and we went out to eat. We had a good time with me joking around a lot and her laughing a lot. After dropping her back off I went back to my room and smoked weed. Then I took a pill that my doctor told me would help me go to sleep. It turns out that the pill my doctor gave me was a tranquilizer and i don’t think that weed, the tranquilizer and zoloft are a good combination. I was kinda tripping out and for some reason which i’m not really sure of i called that girl beth at like 12 that night and told her to meet me in her building lobby she she can prove to me that she was a good drive. So i walked over to her building and she let me in but she asked me why i came over when she told me it wasn’t a good time. I don’t remember the explaination i gave her but i was probably just rambling. All we ended up doing was talking in her lobby for like an hour.

Then to my surprise i saw kate coming back from a party. Kate said hi to me and she noticed right away that i was pretty fucked up. SHe was kinda tipsy too but i was in worst shape. She volunteered to help me get back to my room. When she got to my building she told me to sign her in since it was passed 11 and all guest have to be signed in after 11. SO i signed her in and we went up to my room. Once I opened my room she went to my bed and collasped in it. I hopped in there with her and we started talking. I asked her how her day was and she told me it was pretty shitty. I offered her the best advice I had and then we started to cuddle. After a while i make a move by trying to kiss her but she stopped me immediately and told me that she couldn’t do that because she has a boyfriend. So i told her that she should break up with him. She said it wasn’t that easy. I told her that was okay and that i was glad to know she wasn’t a cheater. So all we did that night was cuddle and talk. The next day after we woke up she got up to leave and she initiated a big hug.

The next day at our boxing class i could tell that there was something bothering her. We normally went to late night dinner after boxing but she told me that she wasn’t hungry that night. I said ok but later that night I asked her on aim what was wrong and she told me that she wasn’t sure and thinks that she just needed space. I told her ok but if she ever needs anyone to speak to that i would be there for her. For the rest of that week (last week) she was very distant to me. By the time the weekend came i asked her if she wanted to hang out but she said she would be painting the whole weekend for one of her classes. I said ok and by the time sunday came i asked her how her weekend was. she told me that all she did was paint but when i logged onto facebook that night i noticed that one of her friends uploaded pictures of her and some of her other friends drinking in her room last weekend. I was kinda hurt by this since she lied to me but I still didn’t think too much of it. Yesterday i texted her and asked her if she wanted to have lunch like we normally do but she said that today was a bad day since her friends were in a pissy mood and she wanted to have lunch with them. I accepted this but while i was at my judo class later that day i got a text from her saying she wouldn’t be going to our boxing classed because she had too much work. By this point i came to the conclusion that she was simply trying to put space between up. So later that night when i logged on aim and saw her on i sent her this:

Me: Hello Kate, I feel it is my duty to inform you that I think it would be in my best interest if we weren’t friends anymore. Whenever I try to contact you I feel like I’m constantly bothering you. I know you’re going through tough times right now, but all I’ve ever wanted to do was help you through them. But I see myself as another problem on a pile of problems you have. Another reason for ending out friendship is that I like you a lot and I thought you liked me too. But I’ve always been off when it comes to judging how much people like me. In fact I was at a point where I thought everyone hated me until I met you. But as I said I’m bad at judging how much people like me. It was nice having you as a friend while it lasted and i sincerely hope you always feel happy
Kate: KillKingKong we are not ending this friendship…. i just dont feel like i have time right now to hang out and do things with you. you are not a problem for me, i just dont have time and i have no patience for anything anymore and i get frustrated. i like talking to you and stuff but i just think you came on too strong and didnt back down and that for some reason made things hard for me. but i disagree with you in that we cant be friends anymore and i will have to kick your ass if you dont work with me here haha
kate: or at least try to
Me: if i were coming on too strong I apologize but you could have just told me that. I would have calmed down. Instead I feel like if i try to make any sort of contact with you it’s only pissing you off, but all I’m trying to do is make you feel happy. But i dunno I don’t leave myself emotionally open to many people and you were one of the few that I have done so with. I can see how I come off as too strong sometimes but I really do like you and I may show that too strongly at times.
Kate: im glad to know that i am someone you can open up to and share your emotions with and i am sorry if i seem to be bother by you but i just cant handle everything right now… i just need to be left alone for a while but idont want to end our friendship

After that i logged off aim but she texted me asking me if we were still friends. I told her I guess so but i just really hate feeling like I’m bothering her everytime I try to contact her when I’m only trying to put a smile on her face. She told me that she was sorry but she feels like she’s drowning and that from now on she would contact me first. I said okay but i didn’t really believe her since she’s almost never the one to contact me. Today we had class together. I got there before her then her friend beth got to class and sat next to me. She got there last and sat near beth. I didn’t say much to her besides hello. At the end of class instead of walked back to out dorms together i just got up and left. When i was headed to my next class i saw her on her way back to her dorm and she waved at me so i gave her a half hearted wave. In any other circumstance we would go hug each other and have a little talk. That’s basically where I’m at with her now. The main reason for this post is to just get off my chest but I also want to know if anyone else thinks i should just move on and cut my ties? I feel like I’ve been setting myself up for failure and I would prefer not to be hurt any further. I’ve been punching my wall a lot recently and I think i may have damaged my knuckle since i now feel it floating around. I’m not really sure how to deal with the anger and sadness I’m feel so I’m reaching out for help.

cliffs-i met a girl that i like in class. Ask her out to dinner. She says ok, but then says that it’s going to have to be early since her boyfriend was coming to visit her that night. We have a good time at dinner. Become very close friends. she spends the night with me. I make a move but she says no because she has a boyfriend. So all we do is talk for the rest of the night. Every since then she’s been distant

Right off the bat, she doesn’t like like you, she was hesitant because she’s nice and didn’t want to hurt your feeelings by shutting you down.

20 shots? Gotta love dumb kids and their exaggerations. Nice job by the way of making an ass of yourself. I’m not trying to be mean…but it’s a little ridiculous for you to get that drunk in front of a girl you’re trying to impress; doesn’t matter how long it had been since you drank.

Yep, just more proof she’s not that into you.

You are her friend.

Wow, a cow tattoo? She’ll regret that in a few years….and yeah, buying her gifts isn’t going to make her like you more.

Well yeah…she has a bf.

SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE YOU. How don’t you get this by now?

Still not seeing the point of all this, but I’ll keep reading…

How do you not get this? She doesn’t like you, she doesn’t want to see you. You are smothering her and she wants to lie because she’s obviously too weak to just tell you. She likes you as a friend but she recognizes that’s not what you care about so now she just has to distance you from her at all costs.

She is young and naive. She is praying and hoping that you, as a guy, will be able to JUST be friends with her, but we all know that is not only crazy, but ignorant. You know you want a relationship with her. Telling yourself you just want a friendship is bullshit and deep down you will keep acting the same way towards her, always hoping she’ll dump her bf for you or end up drunk and stupid at your doorstep so she can make bad decisions. You NEED to let her go for a while. You can’t be friends with her and you know it.

You need to cut your ties with her for a while until you are over being with her. She just wants to as a friends and always has. To be honest you wasted a lot of time on her but hopefully you realize how you went wrong for your future.

Never waste your time on a girl who has a bf. Trying to befriend them and then secretly telling them how you feel will never win you the girl. You will also not win the girl by talking to her nightly on AIM or hugging her. Even if she didn;’t have a bf you went about your relationship completely like a friend. If you like a girl you ask her out, don’t pussyfoot around her. Ask her out. She will tell you yes or no. If she says no you move on. If she says yes then you play it cool and set the date up and go from there.
Thanks, iwishyouwerebeer i kinda needed that brutal honesty at this time. In hindsight I see now that from the beginning I was setting myself up for friendship. Better off cutting my ties as you said instead of beating myself up about it. And I don’t know if i was exaggerating about the 20 shots…as i said i don’t remember much from that night. But I have had a night where i know for sure I’ve had at least 20 shots…and I’ve woken up in the ER because of that night

Yikes…please try to limit what you drink. Drinking past like 5 shots is bad enough, let alone 10+ and waking up in the ER or a pool of your own vomit. It doesn’t make you cool or attractive. I’m sure you’re like 18 or maybe 19 so right now drinking seems to be the thing to do, but you can still have a good time and not become a binge drinker/alcoholic. Not to mention that on top of your Zoloft isn’t a good idea. Why are you on Zoloft anyway? Do you actually fee you have social anxiety? Or did your doctor throw it at you like most do? Do you actually feel it works?

Anywho, enough with the scolding. The point is yes, now you at least know for your future (which you have a lot to live) to not befriend a girl first, especially not one who is already taken. You might want to wander over to the Vaginarium. You will find you are by no means the only guy who has made the mistake of falling for a girl with a bf, but the fact remains that you should never waste time on them.

If they really wanted to be with you they’d make a way to be with you (i.e. dumping their bf).

Thanks once again. And I was pretty much thrown zoloft by my family doctor for depression. During winter break I came home stumbling drink and my parents asked why i would do that to myself. I said i hated my life and didn’t care. Next thing I know I’m at my family doctor and he’s writing me a prescription.
At first I didn’t feel like it was doing anything. Then my doctor here at school moved me up to 100mg and i was feeling pretty good. Then I hit a really low point. And currently I’m at a really low point but I think i just need to get over this girl and I should be fine.
I can’t really top what IWYWB said, but I would watch the drinking when you’re with women. Maybe a few beers to get a buzz to loosen up, but that’s it. Think about what drunk people look like when you’re sober; not cool, right?

If the girls with you are getting completely trashed, then perhaps, but other than that, keep away from the drinks!

All of the depression medicine in the world won’t change the fact that you were being desperate with a girl. It’s something you learned, and more importantly, something you need to unlearn. I would check out some confidence/dating books in addition to some therapy! I’m not raggin’ on you here, I’ve been through it myself.

I haven’t been drinking recently. And I don’t really think I need to work on my confidence because as of right now I have no problems approaching girls. However I may not go about starting a relationship in the right manner, so dating books might be helpful. And I’m already in therapy which I tried moving to once every 2 week instead of once of week but I had to push it back to once a week today
Update: Well I tried to follow what you guys suggested and just letting her be but I’m a softie when it comes to girls. So I still went to that boxing class with her today and after the class we went to my room and I just layed all my feeling out. And basically just like you guys said she told me she only views me as a friend. It sucked to have her say that but at the same time it was a relief since I’ve been going through a lot of stress about this, and I just wanted reassurance. I told her that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore but she told me that we’re not ending our friendship because of that. So I guess we’re just gonna try to remain close friends but deep down in side I know that what iwishyouwerebeer said is true and that I’ll always hope she’ll dump her boyfriend and come running to me. However iwishyouwerebeer wasn’t right about the part where she said i would try to take advantage of her when she got drunk…i have some class after all lol
shit like that happens when you have a crush on a girl and invest this much time into her.

shit sucks learn and live iguess

Yeah, falling for girls after knowing them for a while is kinda a flaw of mine. I’m trying to work on it but it just seems that every corner I turn I get labeled as a friend. And when I try to be very direct I get labeled as creepy.
i did it with one girl and didnt follow through with anything so it was my fault BUT im glad i didnt follow through now that ive seen her now.
I pretty much did this same with a few girls before. And am kind of in the same boat right now. But Ive learned from my mistakes and learned not to get so emotionally invested. Especially when I see myself going down the same road that Ive been down too many times before.

Im doing a pretty good job of not making the same mistakes this time. Not "hanging out" all the time, not talking all the time. Bascially just enough to keep interest level there until I make my move.

I mightve waited too long to make the move though. But it was things beyond my control that wouldnt allow me to make the move. If it is too late, oh well. You live and learn. Im still not too emotionally invested so its all good. If things dont work out then I will definetly put as much distance as possible between us. Which is what you should do. You shouldnt keep giving in to staying around her. I know it may feel somewhat good being around her. But just think… shes not thinking about it in that way whatsoever. The more you hang around her the more those feelings are going to want to resurface, and when they do you will just be smashed again.

Yeah, I feel like shit for pursuing her the way I am when she has a boyfriend. Bat I keep justifying it to myself by saying that I haven’t crossed any lines with her sexually so I haven’t done anything wrong. But on the same note I know if the occasion were to arise I probably wouldn’t turn her down even if she was still with her boyfriend

It pains me to see myself as such a softie when it comes to girls but I don’t feel like I can help my feelings. Lately I’ve been an emotional wreck but not only because of her. I felt like my depression was getting the best of me for a while and then I met her And was happy for a little bit. Strangely enough it was her goofiness that attracted her to me. I kind of get tired of having the feeling that girls think I’m a weirdo when I make a off color joke and she was the first girl I ever met that I didn’t worry about saying some stupid joke around because I knew that she would say something just as awkward as me. While being on cloud 9 since I finally met a girl that I felt like i could be my true self around I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. Then after she withdrew from me after I told her I liked her I felt like it was just another justification of my feelings that everyone I meet no matter how much I think they like me truly hates me. I actually tried to kill myself last weekend but luckily I have a friend that I know has gone through pretty bad depression so I gave her a call after cutting myself. But deep down I know that was just a cry for help basically since I stayed away from those juicy veins that I know would have made me die. Instead I just put a bunch of cuts in my lower forearm.
So kate told me today that she broke up with her boyfriend. So I’m gonna give her space for a week then ask her out or something next weekend.
Why are you investing so much into this girl? To me, if she was in to you, more would have happened on her part, boyfriend or not. Walk away, let it go.

Because I really like her personality. And I have been seeing other girls but she’s the want I want. I don’t believe in people being "meant to be" but I do think it’s rare to find a person who can bring joy to me the way she does. Maybe I’m reading too much into her telling me that she broke up with her boyfriend today. The logic going through my mind right now is that I’m going to try to go for all or nothing right now. So either I’m going to be successful in my attempts on getting her or I’ll just ruin the friendship. And I’m willing to accept failure at this point, but I just hate being in limbo.

Man you aren’t in limbo… you’re in denial. she already told you how she feels.
So I’m still pretty drunk right now but I called her last night while drunk. I’ve been turned down hard and I’ll probably cut her off. But I think I also broke my fist last night from punching a wall. I’m not sure because I’ve punched that wall so much recently but I can’t close my fist without squinting lol. I told her to remind me about what happened so hopefully I’ll leave it be, but FUCK I hate liking someone so much but not having the feelings returned. I just fucking hate being me sometimes. I hate feeling that everyone wishes I were dead. And I fucking hate always wishing I was dead. Fuck I don’t know I’m drunk but want to die all the time.
Honestly stop drinking, if you have strong negative emotions, the alcohol will only amplify it.

Yes it sucks, we have all been there at some point in time, but seriously pick yourself up and move on.

Another thing, eat a lot of protein and hit the gym, it will make you feel better and you won’t have the negative side effects of drugs.

Stop drinking.

Strongly consider seeking therapy
Alcohol is a mood amplifier, not a mood enhancer. I tend to avoid it when things are down.
Dude… you are an obsesser.

You obsess about one girl so much that it SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM!!!

What you need to realize is that there are a TON of women out there.

Like 3 BILLION OF THEM.

Who gives a shit about this girl.

I mean seriously… she has a cow tattoo?

HOW LAME IS THAT?

SERIOUSLY LAME!

Stop trying to put all your effort into one girl immediately!!!

What you need to do is get over the feeling of rejection.

I’m pretty good with women, not the best, but pretty good.

When I’m on the prowl I get turned down by probably 9 out of 10 of the women I talk to… but look at it this way.

I talk to 40-50 women in a night, that’s 4 or 5 numbers a night that I get, and them maybe one of those 4 or 5 numbers that I get, are girls that I actually want to spend any kind of time with.

When you’re first starting out, it might be 1 in 200 women that give you their number, and want to spend time with you.

Do not take rejection to heart. You will reject people and people will reject you. These are facts of life.
Dude…she doesn’t like you. Please stop investing so much in this girl. Stop talking to her. Even sans-boyfriend she still doesn’t want to date you, get it through your head.

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"Trad" or traditional rock climbing

House/Jungle DJ
Back country Snow Biking
Gold panning / gem collecting
Drums
Vertical Caving / Technical Spelunker
Song writer
widdling
Yeah but see most have some natural talent, I have none. Im not good at anything. I thought I would be a good dad and that my point in life was to have a family to take care of and now thats gone.
Take off the blinders, the whole world is in front of you.
Doesn’t always have to be an obvious talent like playing an instrument or knowing how to cook.

You can be a quick learner.. maybe you’re good at telling stories.. or something you haven’t found yet.

Everyone’s good at something.. unless you sleep 24 hours a day.
You’ve got to work at it man.

I’m pretty jealous of my little brother. He’s a NATURALLY talented tennis player. I mean, his body is perfect for tennis. He’s lanky, his reach is long, he can sprint and his arms are bowed just perfectly to play tennis. He rarely ever trains but he kicks the ass of every kid in the region.

I can do a lot of things, but I’ve had to work like a horse to be nearly as good with any of the things I can do. But it’s my life’s goal though, to just have a lot of skills. I like to learn how to do new things and I’m just naturally good at learning really fast. I try to force myself to learn at least 3 new skills a year. I set a goal and then my steps on how to achieve them.

For example, last year, I set my goal to learn how to speak spanish semi-fluently, weld and drive rally sprints. Those were my goals.

So I took spanish classes twice a week in the evenings. Then I went to one of my friends who is a welder and apprenticed him on the weekends for an hour or so. And I bought a AWD Civic for $150, played some rally simulation games then just went out and learned on private roads and went to rally cross when they had them.

I suffer from a lack of a social life, but it was important enough for me to learn those skills.

This year, I want to learn how to pick a lock, play the guitar, shoot a bow, and ride a horse. And I’m taking the appropriate steps to learning how to do that.

I’ve been doing this since I was 8 years old.

Things I know I’m very good at:

- Martial arts. I’ve been training since I was 8. Judo, Juijitsu, Tae Kwon do, Boxing, Muay Thai, kickboxing, wrestling.
- Computers. I’ve been working in the IT field for about 5 years now dabbling in everything.
- Driving. Auto-cross, track and rally for a few years now.
- Welding. Played around and then seriously took on skills last year.
- Art. Been doing sculpting since I was 11.
- Woodworking. My grandfather was a very good woodworker, I have been doing it since I could hold a tool.
- Acrobatics. Been doing gymnastics since I was 10.
- Dancing. Ballet, Jazz, Tap, Hip-hop. I’ve been doing all of them since I was 14.
- Singing. Was in choir all throughout school and had private lessons.
- Calligraphy. My parents made me take calligraphy classes when I was young.
- Ice skating. Parents put me in figure skating classes when I was 6, I skated for 2 years.
- Swordsmanship. Been practicing everything from Fencing to Kendo since I was 10.

It’s a lot of stuff and I have had to devote a LOT of time to all of it. Like I said, I don’t have very much time for a social life because of it. But I enjoy learning all of these skills. If you aren’t naturally talented then you have to really work hard at it.
Aside from writing, fitness, and being all-around flexible with IT, I have nothing else going for me.
A friend explained the following recently and it seemed to adequately clarify some of my confusions throughout life. So think of intelligence as being on a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest, smartest people. (This explanation also applies to any talent).

Let’s say that at level 10 are the people that are truly gifted. These are the prodigies, the people that just have it. People with photographic memories, the musicians that are able to master an instrument at a very young age and others like Einstein that seem to have supernatural intelligence. There are many examples of these people throughout history but generally they are gifted well beyond normal levels of aptitude. They truly are the best of the best, even if they don’t fully utilize their talents throughout their life.

On the other end of the spectrum are the truly dense. These people exist at the 1 and perhaps even 2 on the scale. These are people that simply aren’t able to comprehend even the most basic logic. It’s unfortunate that people exist at these low levels but there are some that truly do. We can put the severely mentally retarded, those with physical injuries to the brain and anyone from Arkansas in this category. Ok…I’m just kidding about the people from Arkansas.

Then there are the people in between these two extremes. Looking at the top of this group, they would exist between 7 and 9 on this scale. These are people that have varying levels of intelligence and talents. Some are smarter than others and many seem to be truly gifted but one thing seems universal with this group, they have to work hard to realize their success. While their hard work and previous successes fuel more hard work and more successes, they do have to work really hard to get to the top.

For much of my life, I’ve confused those people in the 7 to 9 range with those in the 10 range. The good news, there’s lots of good news. First, most people will don’t and will never exists at the extremes. Next, we can reach much higher than we ever thought possible with hard work. Finally, don’t confuse those in the 7-9 range with those in the 10 range. Those in the 7-9 range simply worked very hard to get to those levels.
I play guitar at an intermediate level, but would definitely ask the genie (you know, three wishes) to give me musical talent to play just about any instrument expertly. To me, that would be one of the greatest things I could hope for.

I’d also wish I had more talent as an author, and was able to write novels and make a good living doing it. Few things make me more envious than reading an excellent book, knowing that I just couldn’t put one together myself.

I also wish I had a talent for language. I think it would be amazing to be able to speak numerous languages fluently.
Thomas Edison once said, "Innovation is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration"…..or something like that….at least I think it was Edison.

Ok…well someone, somewhere in history once said something like that and if they didn’t, someone should have……so I’ve done so now…..so there.
There is no such thing as talent.

Only people who practice more than someone else.

While you’re busy jerking off they’re probably busy drawingdoing whatever it is they’re good at.

That doesn’t explain prodigies….like kids that are 5 years old playing the violin better than professional musicians.
If you don’t have a natural talent you have to create your talent like the rest of us. I started learning to program in middle school and today I run my own business because of it. I didn’t have a natural talent for programming (unless you count being highly logical and/or mostly using the left side of my brain) and I just put a lot of hard work into it and became pretty good at it. I just decided to focus on something that I was interested in. Do you have any hobbies?

It always makes me laugh when people tell me that I’m lucky to be self employed. There was no luck involved, only hard work.

You know what they say, luck is the coming together of preparation and opportunity.

My brother is insanely successful yet I hear so many people say he’s lucky. Fuck that, he was sacrificing and working his ass off while they were in the bars drinking away their college years.
ya im in the same boat.

i feel my best talent is just being bad at everything.

Thread starter just mentioned my talent: taking up space. And I take up a LOT of space.

Just kidding, I have no talent. Even at taking up space. And I have nothing going for me at the moment.
I find it’s more rewarding to learn a talent, rather than just being born with one.

I naturally have a very nice singing voice, but I don’t do anything with it. Sure it’s handy when I show off here and there for friends at karaoke or some bullshit, but other than that my singing doesn’t define me.

I’d be much prouder of myself if I had no clue how to play guitar and I made myself learn.
sort of, but only because that means i can be really really good at something without even trying or putting in any effort. it allows me to be lazy and not come off as such. on the other hand, those that tend to have a natural knack for things, tend to do them more often, so they’re practicing that skill set a lot as well.

then again, i’ve never tried to just be good in one area. i’m sort of a "jack of all trades, master of none". i like having a bit of knowledge about everything and being able to hold my own in any given arena. it allows me to blend in and experience a bunch of different things, which is part of the reason why i’m trying out new things to begin with. if i come across something i like to become good at, then i try out and at least become decent in that arena. same thing applies to stuff that i realize i don’t know, i’ll do my best to learn about it.

it could be arrogance, but i feel that if i really apply myself to one area, i’ll become really good at it. perhaps not on the level of a prodigy or expert, but above average at the very least. it’s just that i really have no interest in reaching that level in most areas of life.

No related posts.

The possibilites seem to be (in my mind):
1.) attention
2.) self loathing
3.) Peer pressure/acceptance
4.) omgwtfbbq

She lives with her mom in Texas and I see her at spring break, christmas and summer. During spring break, she had a few slits on one wrist. Her mom knows about it but hasn’t gotten serious about counseling or anything.

Is cutting something that is in vogue? My daughter claims she is the only one in her school doing it and she isn’t looking for attention.

Fuck man, she is my baby, it kills me to see her deface herself like this.

She needs to talk to someone about that. Counseling or peers, whatever it is she needs some form of help. This is not normal behavior.
Dunno what to tell you man, I think slitting your wrists is very serious, and should be handled properly. I don’t see how one justifies doing it without there being something seriously wrong. I don’t think the fact that she is young is a good enough reason to accept her doing something like this. (peer pressure, attn, etc)
If I were you, I’d be doing something to figure out why she’s doing it, and stop it. It is NOT normal.

She doesn’t claim to be suicidal, just emo. Somehow she thinks cutting is a type of release.

I hope a parent of an emo kid shows up here.

So…..she will be here on May 31st (and staying for almost 2 months). I should set up a weekly meeting with a psychologist for while she is here?

She talks about it like it is just no big deal at all. It is so fucking weird. I would love to know who put these fucked up ideas in her head.
Self cutting is actually fairly common, my girlfriend used to do it. She cant really explain why, she wasnt trying to kill herself or looking for attention or anything. Like you said, some kind of release.

This idea was put in these people’s head though. Because when I was a kid, no one did this shit. They found other ways to release their pent up emotions.
look up "self-injury" on wikipedia. this behavior is not the problem itself but a symptom of emotional problems/distress. it should be taken seriously. according to my understanding, this is less about suicide and more about releasing tension and frustration.

i don’t think you can really support the claim that no one did that when you were young…

Let me rephrase. "Cutting" seemed expotentially less prevalent amongst the teenagers 20 years ago in my estimation.

will do.
I always wonder why one would slit their wrists to release the tension when they can just get off and not have any permanent damage. Doesn’t it suit the same goal?

When you say "get off" you mean masturbate or have sex?

I don’t know about that. I just don’t think it was known about or accepted. I have spoken to quite a few counselors about this (good friend and nephew were both doing this) and one of the major reason given for this was that the ‘child’ felt helpless. Voiceless. Not in control and unable to deal with or express that.

I would recommend counseling. I know a lot of people think of that as a bad word, or admitting a weakness or whatever… but it will truly help this girl deal with whatever it is that she is going through.

Masturbation would be the most likely substitute. I mean, what’s the point of cutting yourself for some "release" of tension when you can fill your brain with endorphins repeatedly without any scars?

I don’t think they are looking for endorphins.

cutting is bad enough, but she is playing with fire on the wrists.

Thighs or something if she has to cut. I know that’s not a real solution, but it could easily save her life.

Check this site out and follow some/all of the suggestions/advice given:

This "cutting" seems to be the physical embodiment of a child that is discontent with the world around them/their place in it and is often attributable to a broken home/disrupted family life.

She’s your child, talk to her and encourage her to talk to you. Just be ready for anything that she might have to say, and I do mean anything, and don’t discriminate or express distaste with whatever she has to say…, remember, she’s internalizing her inability to find anyone in her world to discuss her problems with, the conflicts and contradictions she sees in the world unfolding around her, and allow her to vent without passing judgement on anything that she’ll have to say.

She wants/needs to be listened to and to know that what she has to say counts for something. Essentially, just be her Dad.
If it’s a way to release tension… maybe she could find other ways to release tension.

Playing sports?
Taking Karate/boxing/whatever classes?
Something exhausting is always the best imo.
It releases the built up tension from not dealing with her emotions. There is something that is causing her so much pain, that she doesn’t know how to deal with it. Another cause may be that she just feels numb, and does it just to feel anything; even though it’s pain. Cutting is a very serious problem and requires counseling. She needs to talk about whatever her pain is and feel the emotions, only then will she be able to find a better way to release her tension.

IMO it’s not weird for her to talk about it like it’s no big deal, she’s crying out for help. You can minimize this and think it’s strange but you’re likely to wake up to a dead child. Minimize this at your own risk.

If I were in your shoes, I would have a long talk with her mother and get my daughter into long term counseling and perhaps in house therapy.

Cutting oneself isn’t normal, it’s a sign that things are really wrong but the person doesn’t know how to deal. Get them help dealing.

Good luck and God Bless.

You know one person that did this so obviously it’s fairly common?

Get a grip….it’s not healthy nor is it all that common. It is however, a sign that things are really wrong.
In the past month of college I’ve met 2 girl who told me that they cut themselves. Both of them gave me an almost identical reason in that when they cut they feel like their problems are being relieved. In my opinion one of them has serious mental issues and there’s nothing I can do to help her. But the other girl is much more reasonable and hopefully I’ll be able to talk to her and find out another way she can go about relieving stress. They both make sure to put the cuts in places that people won’t see. Both admit that they started cutting on their arms until their parents found out then they started putting the cuts in places not visible with clothes on. So I suggest that you don’t hound your daughter about cutting herself or she’ll probably just put them in places you can’t see and just tell you she stopped.

I lol-ed.
The fact that her mom isn’t doing anything about it will possibly make things worse.

In my experience people cut when they are trying to feel something, anything. Something is going on.. Since she isn’t trying to hide it 100% then she is consciously or not asking for help. She needs to talk to someone.
Want me to show her how to rip her toenails out instead? It’s less visible and more satisfying.

I knew a kid that did that when I lived in Canada.. He did it to his fingernails too and would then color the skin black.

It always creeped me out but I felt bad for the guy too. That shit looked like it HURT.

13

I wish she would too. When she is at my house it is non stop sports, but that culture doesn’t exist at her mom’s house in Texas, where she is most of the time.

She says her life there is hell and all she wants is to come to my house. She has never cut herself while at my house.
like others have said, get her some help. if she is openly telling you and her mother about this, its a cry for help. she may not be trying to kill herself, but the location of the cutting might lead to that very thing accidently.

hopefully if she is willing to tell you that she is doing this, she will be willing to go speak with someone about issues that might be causing it.

and give her love and support (which you probably do anyway). it worries me that her mom doesnt seem very concerned. it very well could be for attention if the mom barely notices

The mom took her to a counselor like once or twice. She is a single mom who has alienated her relatives and has 3 kids. So it is likely logistically difficult for her to get my daughter to counseling.

I think based on what you guys have said here, I will arrange for her to see a counselor while she is here for the summer. It is the best I can do I think.

i think it is somewhat normal behavior but is not healthy behavior
People cut because physical pain > emotional pain. Its a form of stress release for those daily life problems that won’t go away, or in other words your daughter is depressed about her daily life problems,

Its a situation like this , if someone called you an asshole, you’d brush it away as the person isn’t worth your time listening to, that’s the normal way people would deal with it.

If someone would call your daughter a bitch on the other hand, she’d get angered and frustrated, and because she can’t place or redirect the negativity in a good way , she’d get emotionally stressed, and to down that emotional stress, she would start cutting herself in an attempt to release some emotional steam.

Its worthless of course , its like people drinking booze wanting to make their problem go away but it doesn’t work, because cutting,drinking,anti-depressants etc etc are problem supressors and NOT problem solvers.

She needs to work on the root of the problem, and definitly needs to see a psychologist, and you also need to convince her to coooperate with the psychologist in order to tackle her mental problems.

Input = output

If the surroundings are fucked up, then she gets fucked up. Your little girl is like a sponge absorbing all the negativity in her life without knowing how to deal with it, she’d better learn fast on how to defend herself, and how to release her emotions instead of making it a murder hole and start cutting.

Speed is of the essense , the faster you work on it, the more likely she’ll recover. Removing the depressing factors, and stabilizing her enviroment as wel as strenghtening her self image, are important.

I say it always like this. Imagine if you are stuck in a room, what helps better, crying and cutting or a key to get out? Make sure your daughter gets help, and works on finding the key to unlock the door of her problems, tackle the root not the symptoms.

a model citizen as always you toenail ripping tent dweller
Dude, you are not equipped to deal with this. Get her to counseling.
I’d love to give advice, but just reading the thread alone makes the hair on my body stand.

Good luck, man.
I know this is a serious thread, and I agree that you should definitely take this seriously and seek professional help for her and talk to her yourself first but ummm LMFAO @ this….

I believe that seeking professional help for your child is necessary. Self-mutilation can be steamed from numerous things, including depression, anger, self-loathing, family problems, etc.

I’ll reply with more of something that might be able to help you through PM.

I came to post just this.

There are several reasons why people self injure. Some people do it because they claim they feel emotionally numb or dead inside. When they physically hurt themselves, they feel physical pain. While its not the same as emotional pain, it is still a feeling. People who engage in self injury for this reason claim to feel alive while they hurting themselves. To them, any sensation is better than no sensation at all.

Some people use self injury as a form of self punishment. They feel worthless or useless and as punishment for who they are, the self injure. Statistically, people who self injure as form of punishment also have other addictions like sexual, drug or eating disorders.

Some people use it as a way to manifest their emotional pain into physical pain. People who engage in self injury for this reason are not able to express or manage the emotional pain they feel. For someone who has maladaptive coping skills, emotional pain becomes extremely distressing. Knowing that emotional pain tends to last longer and hurt more than physical pain, they change their pain from something they don’t understand to something they can effectively manage. For them, a broken arm is better than a broken heart.

Get your daughter in therapy. Find a doctor (PhD or PsyD, it doesn’t matter which) who is skilled in working with both young girls and self injury. Their experience is key. Ideally, they should use a humanistic approach (commonly known as client-centered therapy) and if they claim to have an eclectic approach, be skeptical and check their credentials. Meet with the doctor first. Interview the doctor way you interviewed her pediatrician when she was an infant.

Hug your daughter. Talk to her. Don’t be angry or upset when she reveals some shocking and painful information, because she most likely will. Communicate communicate communicate. Don’t be afraid to ask your daughter questions. Too many times parents side step serious issues like this because they are afraid that talking about it will only propel the child further. That’s not true. She wants to be heard and understood so give her your time and attention. Talk to her and show her how to effectively manage her emotions. Other people have suggested physical activity and that’s a super great idea.

Its so unfortunate that her mother is acting so blase, regardless of how she really feels. Way to step up for your daughter. You’re a good dad Good luck and Godspeed to you both My thoughts and prayers are with you both

If this is true then you might want to talk to an attorney about getting primary custody of your daughter. There might be many things she’s not telling you about what goes on when she’s living with her mom.

Regardless, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I’ll keep you both in my prayers and I hope you find her the help she needs. Please don’t minimize her actions because she talks about them in casual ways. It’s good that she feels comfortable enough with you to tell you those things but her actions are an indication that things are not going well in her life….in fact, it’s an indication that things are very wrong.

Good luck and God Bless.
^^ Listen to this one. He’s right and he gives good advice.

About 10% of the population from what I can find. It is a sign that something is wrong, she doesn’t see it that way because it relieves whatever stress or lack of emotion she is dealing with.

Sports or some other form of ‘release’ may not satisfy whatever she is looking for. I would be wary to assume that she never cut herself while at your place. I am sure you are a great father and that somehow if she did cut herself at your place, it would be your fault. You cannot think that way, that will make it worse, make her go into hiding with it so that you don’t feel responsible for her actions.

10% is no where near "fairly common". That’s actually quite rare.
This is a post I made a few years ago. I repost it every now and then when the topic arises. I think you’ll find my words useful.

Yeah I’m interested too

wow. im 20 and ive never had the balls to actually slit them. pretty pathetic considering how miserable and fucked up i am

Nope it just shows that your body is functioning fine, i personally extremely dislike pain most likely just like others, i wouldn’t add additional pain to my already painfull life by doing stuff like that, as i don’t like to get hurt.
She is NOT going to look at you and say, ‘This is a suicide attempt.’.
Then again, if she does ever say that you need to take it seriously.

She needs help. Good talk therapy. Get her Mother on the horn and find out why Mom isn’t taking it seriously.
Ummm, I know how she feels…when I was in highschool(it’s not easy at all for girls developing and we get NO breaks from peer pressure, friends, life, etc, etc..) I also cut myself. It does help in a weird way…I am NOT saying that it is alright nor should she be left alone about it BUT I know how the kid feels, it releases an emotional pain you can’t deal with…and it’s usually b/c they are depressed (i was for years). You get this build up of multiple emotions(usually anger, sadness, insecurities) and the only way to sort them in that state of mind is to physically hurt yourself…it gives a temporary sense of relief, TEMPORARY that being it usually gets to that spot again where you have to do it again…and again and even years down the road

INTERVENE!!! I finally had to breakdown and go on depression medicine and get help from an outside source to help me deal.

For your kids sake (she may be upset with you for getting involved) but in the long run it’s for the best and for her health, happiness and safety!

That’s why she does it. The feelings are unbearable, she can’t express them or tolerate them, cutting is a way of coping as it releases the feelings.

It is an expression of feelings that can’t be verbalised, a physical distraction from the physical sensations of anxiety which are frightening and unpleasant. There is also a release of hormones that helps calm the distress.

She needs help to learn to verbalise her feelings and find healthier ways of coping with distress. Do not give her web links, self harming is common and contact with others via online forums can make things worse due to peer pressure. Do not stop her cutting, it is the only way she has of coping, but get her help to minimise harm until she can stop.

Most kids out grow this habit, meanwhile, other than therapy, lots of cuddles and understanding will go a long way.
My ex had had wrist marks… Turns out she cut herself when she was younger, kinda like a release, she said it started with her parents divorce… She didn’t do it anymore when i was datin her

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So (i think) that’s why I have become emotionally distant from everyone. i wanted my dad’s approval because that meant he wouldn’t be beating me up (or so i thought). but, then I stopped caring about his approval, and while he still hit me, it didn’t really hurt as much.

i used women in college. i would have fling, after fling. but i wanted (or so i thought) a steady relationship so badly. except when the girl i was interested in at the time started to like me, i would push her away, or cheat on her, or just become an abrassive jerk so that she’d dump me. i wanted to be wanted, but didn’t want to be …. i don’t know the word. "attached" maybe.
and so i would bounced around from one pseudo-relationship to another, hurting others as well as myself.

i haven’t dated in a while, or even tried to "pick up" women. i think it’s because i’ve started listening to my conscience, and actually caring about peoples feelings.

another thing that’s happened (perhaps they’re related) is that i was incredibly violent.
i would never get into fights with no reason, but i would get into fights at the drop of a hat. a girl would look at me funny, and i’d kick the crap out of her boyfriend, and his crew. i didn’t care about the consequences, and there really weren’t any- besides the occasional time i would pick a fight with someone bigger than me. but i didnt care, i had to show them i was stronger than them. the strongest one there is.
so sometimes i would get the crap kicked out of me, then a week later that persons tires would be slashed. they deserved it, they were mean to me a week earlier. and people should be nice.

I’ve calmed down lately. i must not be exposing myself to those situation, or maybe i just don’t want to fight anymore.

but every now and then i get that urge. i want to go to a bar, and just wait for someone to try something. or flirt with a girl that’s clearly there with some guy. that’s a win-win situation- if the guy gets mad, i get to fight. if he doesn’t i get to use a woman.
i dont ever act that urge. but man, it would be fun- just like old times…
i know. i wanted to. i should have.
but i didn’t
and it made me feel so powerless, and worthless, that i couldn’t do anything about him hitting me, or my siblings.

ugh, i still carry this… resentment towards him. and when i got into fights, i would think things like "he (the guy i’m fighting? my dad?) won’t hit me now," and "if he saw this, he would know i was strong," i had to be strong, stronger than anyone around me.
it’s not fair, he was so much bigger than me, but he hit me none the less. people shouldn’t do that, they shouldn’t take advantage of weaker people like that
piss on his grave then.

no dad should go beating up on his son, the heartless bastard.

dig up his bones, and bash them up with a baseball bat, that’ll vent ye off.
heh, i can’t do that, he died half way around the world (flew to pakistan to cheat on his wife- my mom; had a heart attack there)

so i can’t even get closure!
make a life size puppet of him in your basement, and a life size donkey, and motorize the donkey to bonk him continuously up the bum, inviting neighbours to come down to the basement to watch him get bonked up the ass, while asking them to kick him in the head as much as they want.
errr….
not quite sure how to respond to that…
Easier said than done…but rather than let the anger fester, let this experience serve as a life lesson on what kind of person to NOT be and what kind of father to NOT be to your own children. You can’t change what happened, and holding on to the past can prevent you from moving forward onto the future. You CAN choose to move on. My husband went through the same thing when he was a kid and he chose to let it go and move on.

On Topic –> Asylum

It’s a good thing you were fortunate enough not to get stabbed or shot if you made a point of going out and picking fights with people.
Grab a good cup of coffee and read this story.

Now i know people who’ve been thru the things that you have been thru aren’t very accepting of things. What you have to accept tho is that the years of abuse has totally mindfucked you. I shit you not when i say that this is probably going to take a lifetime if not longer to restore the emotional devestation + countless of theraphy and anger managment sessions, due to that shit education of that father of yours, its therefore at the root were we need to start.

All children immitate their parents,

wether or not we agree with our parents its their examples that we take into adulthood and practise, in this case you are practising your fathers violence on to people. That you recognize this violence is a good start.

All children seek love and aknowledgement of their existance at their parents. When this need is answered with violence and abuse, the child is most likely to grow up as a agressive and violent person ,and viola you are the result.

Its an unacceptable result of course, one cannot live happy with an extreme amount of violence in their mind.

My advice to you is to become a shaolin fighting monk, who practises Bhuddism. You don’t have to believe a word of it, that’s not the point. The point is that you will learn how to channel your anger and use that angry energy and transfer it into doing positive things.
Tip one: don’t live in the past.

Tip two: Make sure that you never become the person your dad was. You saw what he did to you. End the cycle of abuse. You know enough about yourself but how others live to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Tip three: stop the thuggery before you get killed by someone who hates life as much as you do.

I have a cousin who grew up in an abusive household and then dated abusive people. She finally knows enough not to get into that shit and can avoid it. Her problem is meeting other assorted scumbags and finding love in all the wrong places but that’s another story…

You really should consider counseling.. you have some serious anger management problems that can very well get you in jail for many years if you break someone’s neck or something along those lines. Or you may get killed, who knows. You need to stop. Normal people don’t beat others around, that includes siblings or chick’s boyfriends.

Then join a gym or a boxing club and beat the shit out of machinery and other people in a competitive but controlled environment. At least then you’ll get some of that pent up energy out of your system.

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my last job i worked at a bakery and whenever someone was showing me stuff they would give the look

one time someone was explaining to me very long windedly how to mix ingredients, and afterwards i just said "wum"

ever since then people started calling me wum or wummy, or mr. wumbles.

if someone tells a joke they make sure to explain to it me, or they don’t tease me like the others like i’m retarded or something.

one of the ladies even hugged once for no reason

what’s up with that?
maybe you come off as stupid, slow, and perhaps slightly mentally challenged? that’s a serious answer.

Well, I guess the first question is are you retarded? No, just kidding.

Are you the youngest?

watch this, are you kevin?

not the youngest at work but i am the youngest in the family

maybe people are reading my body language wrong?

I’m not super duper expressive. whenever someone talks to me i just look at them and let them get it all out rather than nodding my head like a chipmunk.

maybe they’re reading your body language wrong, or maybe your body language is wrong. if someone is nodding their head and saying "oh yeah that makes sense", then typically i don’t have to worry about whatever i’m explaining. if they’re just standing there, their eyes glazed over, deer in the headlights look…. i’ll probably re-explain things, or ask them if they understand.

ask your coworkers, they may be able to give you a better idea of whats going on. seeing as how 99% of OT has never met you, and no idea how you are in social interaction.

My guess?

You come across as being immature, insecure, or otherwise incapable of handling yourself or doing things yourself.

Stop focusing on HOW other people treat you, and focus on WHY they treat you this way.

But generally, people are protective of others because they seem like they need it.
at you being kevin

edit: forgot the actual input. if you just stare at someone, they are likey to think you dont understand or dont care. real world is about people skills, even if you arent 100% comfortable acting like everyone esle, you will have to learn it eventually
mods, I just realized this is the vaginarium. Can this be moved to the Asylum please

I wondered that too… it’s not really a response.
That’s how I’m like. Nobody knows how to diagnose it but the closest thing they’ve come up with is a mild form of aspergers. People don’t treat me like that so much anymore now that I’m older…they expect me to have grown out of it or just think that I’m a little off. So embrace it while it lasts
Since I don’t know you irl and have nothing to go off of besides your many threads I am thinking of a recent one where you asked people if they preferred a very expressive person versus one that comes off almost socially and emotionally retarded. In other words, it sounds like you come off almost ignorant. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you possibly make dumb expressions or have made dumb decisions in your past and now people treat you so

From the way you describe your body language, I would assume you were slow or at very least socially awkward if I randomly met you in the street. I work with a kid who is in fact very intelligent, interesting, and an incredible artist. However, he gives off this aura of an awkward lack of any self-confidence. He talks very quietly, never separates his teeth while talking, and many of his mannerisms and his body language are off.

Everyone at first thinks he’s odd, girls don’t go for him ever – even though, despite all this, he’ll still try to flirt with them – but once someone gets to know them, they develop a sort of babying, protecting friendship with him. Seriously, I wish I had the balls to tell him that until he changes his mannerisms, he’s going to be left in the dust socially.

I think there’s a parallel here: it seems either by difficulty or unwillingness to adapt to generally accepted social behaviors – you negatively describe nodding as squirrel-like, for example, yet this is a very normal action – you are alienating yourself from your would-be peers. At this point, it seems as though you have a decision to make: assimilate normal social behavior and be socially accepted, or continue to ignore it and be coddled by others who you’ve unwittingly convinced to think you have a deficiency of some sort.

The chipmunk reference alarms me, it leads to me think that perhaps you’re scared of losing some of your identity by adopting the body language that everyone else uses. I honestly hope, for your sake, that you are not so naive. Your body language is a communication tool, similar to language; would you define yourself largely by the language you speak? I’d hope no one would define themselves by language; how boring would you have to be for that to be a noteworthy characteristic? Just as someone wanting to be taken more seriously would work on their spelling or grammar, if you’re deficient in your usage of body language, you should seek to improve it. No one improves grammar or spelling by inventing it on their own; they instead adopt the generally accepted rules. Why not do the same with body language?
So I’m curious about the normal, socially competent crowd…did you become that way by just acting or copying everyone else around you?

Because when I do that it is extremely mentally exhausting. I hear from others though that being social is quite energizing.

I’m not sure if you’re mocking or serious, but I’ll go ahead and hope you’re serious so that I don’t look like a buffoon lol . I would venture a guess that it’s like any other learned behavior or language. Initially you internalize the rules – which seem unfamiliar and confusing at first, as you lack a total understanding of the rules – of the behavior by mimicry. Soon, you become familiar with the rules and begin to understand why and how they apply to situations. Eventually you come to a point where you have become comfortable and adept enough to bend the rules to suit your style and individuality.

This is just my personal opinion, put together after no more than a few minutes thought, and I am by no means qualified to make any of these opinions, lol. However, after reflection, my answer to you would be that yes, social behavior is at first mimicked, after which it is then understood and later individualized and improvised.

Thanks, that makes more sense. And yes, I was serious
The youngest in the family often get babied and too many things are done for them.

My family did it in the form of put downs. i.e.

"lets wait for your father/brother to make sure you did it right"
"no, you don’t know how to do it, ill do it"

etc.

You end up not knowing how to act up and get things done or how to stand up for yourself because you are convinced everybody knows how to do stuff better than you.

I’d recommend you just go out and do things. Preferably things where you can learn a skill. Good things to try might be woodworking, car repair, guns, cooking etc. Individual or 2 man sports like tennis, boxing, wrestling, etc are also good ways to build up your confidence and trust in your own abilities.

Also, learn about body language. Doing things like standing and waiting for someone to show you what to do will elicit protective or domineering emotions in people. Don’t stand at attention infront of someone like you are a private getting a talking to from his captain. Move about freely and don’t look to people constatnly for direction.

I was just confused. it’s an exclamation in the place of fuck, shit, etc.

wum? that’s funny… just say fuck or shit next time. People know how to react to fuck and shit… they don’t know how to react to ‘wum’…
1. Wum 6 up, 79 down
Exclamation expressing any emotion.
"You suck!"

"Wum."

In regards to being social and feeling energized, those people are most likely more extroverted than introverted. They gain energy from social situations. They start to feel tired when they are left alone.

You seem like a highly introverted person. These people get tired by social situations and gain energy when they’re alone.

I’m personally more introverted than extroverted, but I’ve learned that I just need to keep forcing myself into social situations. It definately gets better with practice, but I still feel like I have to get away and "recharge" occasionally because of my introverted nature. Don’t use your introversion as an excuse, learn to work past it and force yourself to be more social. You obviously are having problems with this so you need to fix those problems.

yea, pay attention to that 79 down rating
My best friend, I love the guy to death, but whenever I try telling him something or explaining something to him he responds with a really unsure "uh..huh" and stares blankly at me. I can’t tell if he understood what I said, or if that’s just his way of him confirming. Sometimes I’ll say a very short statement that doesn’t warrant a conclusion and he’ll respond with another "go on"-like gesture as if I wasn’t finished. He’s seriously the only person I know like this and its weird because he seems to get worse as we get older. He’s a smart guy too.
It seems people think you are an idiot of sorts, perhaps they think it’s one of those million conditions. You seem capable on a message board, except the fact that you do not have an avatar.

I think you are speaking from your head all the time. You do not speak from your heart. Are you passionate about anything? Or is life just a chore for you?

You need to speak from the heart. It gets people’s attention and is more "real".

First off, self observation, observing yourself from instant to instant, the relation between you and the object, while also observing the object. This is nothing passive, it is entirely active. That way you can learn about yourself.

Also, listen to classical music and stray from Afro-Caribbean music. Listen to it consciously, and also Native American flutes, Tibetan music, etc is also full of heart stimulating vibrations.

The lunar mind only reflects what is in the heart. The heart is like the sun and lights up the world.

I ususally cant stand anything you say, but this made me lol

Yeah I’m pretty introverted. When I go into social situations, especially with a group and I’m giving it my all and people in that group are doing much better than me, it’s really frustrating and discouraging. Once in a blue moon the opposite will happen and I’ll be the one commanding everyone’s attention, but overall I’m probably batting .100. And the even more frustrating part is when the stars seem like they are aligned and I am doing everything right and I’m feeling great, except it’s just not working and people aren’t responding positively.
I love all the pseudo-therapists on OT trying to diagnose this individual as if he’s sick or something.

Are you sure he isn’t doing Homer Simpson imitations?

I stray from the pack

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