be a social butterfly, it’ll increase your self confidence, and thus make you less shy.

im still working on myself btw… its just a matter of pushing yourself.

I find that drinking makes me incredibly less shy.
Actually bars are the perfect place to become less shy.
Bartenders are the best people to be un-shy to.

Although side note so I don’t get eaten alive, I dont condone a drinking problem. Maybe just a loosening up alternative until you realize that some people will love you either way.
There is actually alot of ways to get through this if it is a serious problem in your life.

A couple are Medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Benzodiazepines (Valium,Rophynol and a list more) are routinely prescriped for people with anxiety problems although they are incredibly addictive and a hell to get off of them when you are. They work amazingly well for dealing with social phobia. But they are just a crutch.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a way you challenge your automatic thoughts and reason around them.
Have a look into them.
Drinking is known to be a "social lubricant" meaning it makes social interactions easier. However, for the really shy, it can easily become such a crutch that the person develops a real, serious problem with alcohol.

I would suggest you stay away from alcohol or any other drugs for that matter because it’s kind of like tickling the neck of a tiger….you might get away with it for awhile but the risks are just too high.

Usually shyness is based in low self esteem. So work on that. Perhaps you need to start exercising or build up your self esteem by throwing yourself into your studies and excel at those…or sports or w/e. I know from personal experience my shyness goes away as I get to know people.

One way I’ve found to overcome my shyness is to force myself to talk to lots and lots of people. It doesn’t matter so much what we talk about just that I’m "in the moment" and not thinking about my shyness. When I stay in the moment, I’m participating in the discussion. Anyways, the more I do this the more my shyness subsides.
Just like anything in life you have to go out and do it to get better at it. You’ve already realized that your shy so keep it in mind that you want to make a change in your life and use that to motivate yourself.

You could try making up some weekly goals for yourself like going out and meeting X amount of new people or visiting X amount of new places that you didn’t consider to be the kind of place you would normally goto.
This may not work for everyone, but has for me.

Used to be very, very shy. So I got a job that put me in constant contact with people – just making coffee/waiter kind of stuff. I found that after about the second day I was able to laugh and joke with people without giving it a second thought.
It’s not easy, but most of the stuff in this thread is pretty good. Obviously bars are only good if you bring some friends with you.

I’ve had mixed results with alcohol though. At the precise amount, I’m totally outgoing and lively, but too little and I’m even more shy, and too much means I’m a physical wreck (like three weeks ago). Actually the last couple of nights have been my favorite, and I went to them sober. So I wouldn’t count on it, but you can try it if you’re curious.

The key is to break your boundaries. This is the hardest part. But if you work on whatever is bothering you/holding you back, it’ll help you on this point quite a bit. If you’re worried about doing the talking initially, just ask some questions about the person.
for girls, start by talking to ugly chicks then when you feel good with that move on to better looking ones.
I think tuvok really nailed it for you – clean and simple.
I used to have pretty bad social anxiety, this was at a time when I was pretty down on myself. I started eating better, working out a lot, and physically felt awesome. It was amazing how after that I immediately felt more confident with talking to other people I didn’t even know.
shyness is just a physical manifestation of fear. Just understand that not everybody is looking at you or judging you for the things your doing and just get out there and do it.

Shyness unless debilitating can only be done away with by yourself. Nobody else can give you the tools.

That only made it worse for me because I’m now overly critical and won’t even take my shirt off at pool parties.

???? You got in shape and were afraid to take your shirt off?

Lmao, I was wondering the same thing!

Now, if YOU said you were taking off your shirt, I’d be there!

Me either, I draw a blank sometimes. It depends who the other person is. Some people put me at ease immediately, others have a massive wall up and I feel like someone just dropped the temperature in the room by 100 degrees.

If I feel uncomfortable, I just flip my sunglasses over my eyes (which I usually wear on my head all the time), and I quickly tell them it was nice meeting them, but that I must go and meet someone (which is true….meet….someone else).

If I’m forced into the conversation I have a standard set of questions and answers I use.

Isn’t/wasn’t it a beautiful/miserably gray day?
So how do you know so and so?
I like your attire, nice shirt, skirt, pants, tie, where did you get that?
I’ve heard a lot about you, don’t worry it’s all good things *laugh*.

I try to be sincere with people, but frankly you sometimes have to just fake it and be polite and then remove yourself as soon as possible. It depends on context really. During formal events, I’ll be polite, if it’s informal I usually just extend my hand, shake, and say I must go, take care.

I was the same way. I was in incredible shape, but it was never good enough. I was obsessive. My BF% was always to high even when it wasn’t. Body-image issues and obsessive/anxiety thoughts are a bitch.

I’m still affected to this day by it. I’m not comfortable in my skin, it’s one of my problem areas.
I used to have the same problem. I still do, but to a lesser extent.

You just need to take a deep breath and ignore your inhibitions. It’s extremely hard at first, but people are social. They will respond to you. It gets easier with time and doing it over and over again.

That shit has changed recently. i broke 190lb last month, and I’ve been really happy with my physique…lol.

Glad to hear it chief.
meh, i don’t think ever really get over it. you just kind of have to not let the feeling prevent you from doing that which you want to do.

it’s natural having feelings of general uneasiness around those you don’t know very well or in unfamiliar situations. you just have to push through, give it an honest effort and if it doesn’t pan out, move on.

for all you know, the person you’re approaching is feeling the same thing and may really really want to talk to you, but is nervous and uncomfortable. do them a favor and try to start a conversation. there have been plenty of shy people that open up with the quickness when i try to talk to them. heck, i’ve been that shy person who opens up when approached.
I used to be REALLY shy. I did things to boost my confidence. I bought a bicycle>trained for a triathlon>been racing tris for 3 years. I’ve spent time in Judo and Hapkido getting my ass kicked repeatedly, and boosting confidence. My "anti-drug" is to beat myself down physically, so to speak, so I come back stronger and 100x more motivated.

Because I became involved with many different things, I found people of similar interest and made many new friends. Just gotta get out there bro.
You need to improve your self-esteem, and then i’m going to say the most used and tiring cliché ever; Just do it. Like EVERYTHING in life you become better the more you do something.
If you’re scared that’s fine. Don’t try to fight the fear, accept that you are scared but also realise that it’s natural to be scared.
Don’t use alcohol.

Related posts:

1. social shyness problem So lately I have felt a need to break away...

The possibilites seem to be (in my mind):
1.) attention
2.) self loathing
3.) Peer pressure/acceptance
4.) omgwtfbbq

She lives with her mom in Texas and I see her at spring break, christmas and summer. During spring break, she had a few slits on one wrist. Her mom knows about it but hasn’t gotten serious about counseling or anything.

Is cutting something that is in vogue? My daughter claims she is the only one in her school doing it and she isn’t looking for attention.

Fuck man, she is my baby, it kills me to see her deface herself like this.

She needs to talk to someone about that. Counseling or peers, whatever it is she needs some form of help. This is not normal behavior.
Dunno what to tell you man, I think slitting your wrists is very serious, and should be handled properly. I don’t see how one justifies doing it without there being something seriously wrong. I don’t think the fact that she is young is a good enough reason to accept her doing something like this. (peer pressure, attn, etc)
If I were you, I’d be doing something to figure out why she’s doing it, and stop it. It is NOT normal.

She doesn’t claim to be suicidal, just emo. Somehow she thinks cutting is a type of release.

I hope a parent of an emo kid shows up here.

So…..she will be here on May 31st (and staying for almost 2 months). I should set up a weekly meeting with a psychologist for while she is here?

She talks about it like it is just no big deal at all. It is so fucking weird. I would love to know who put these fucked up ideas in her head.
Self cutting is actually fairly common, my girlfriend used to do it. She cant really explain why, she wasnt trying to kill herself or looking for attention or anything. Like you said, some kind of release.

This idea was put in these people’s head though. Because when I was a kid, no one did this shit. They found other ways to release their pent up emotions.
look up "self-injury" on wikipedia. this behavior is not the problem itself but a symptom of emotional problems/distress. it should be taken seriously. according to my understanding, this is less about suicide and more about releasing tension and frustration.

i don’t think you can really support the claim that no one did that when you were young…

Let me rephrase. "Cutting" seemed expotentially less prevalent amongst the teenagers 20 years ago in my estimation.

will do.
I always wonder why one would slit their wrists to release the tension when they can just get off and not have any permanent damage. Doesn’t it suit the same goal?

When you say "get off" you mean masturbate or have sex?

I don’t know about that. I just don’t think it was known about or accepted. I have spoken to quite a few counselors about this (good friend and nephew were both doing this) and one of the major reason given for this was that the ‘child’ felt helpless. Voiceless. Not in control and unable to deal with or express that.

I would recommend counseling. I know a lot of people think of that as a bad word, or admitting a weakness or whatever… but it will truly help this girl deal with whatever it is that she is going through.

Masturbation would be the most likely substitute. I mean, what’s the point of cutting yourself for some "release" of tension when you can fill your brain with endorphins repeatedly without any scars?

I don’t think they are looking for endorphins.

cutting is bad enough, but she is playing with fire on the wrists.

Thighs or something if she has to cut. I know that’s not a real solution, but it could easily save her life.

Check this site out and follow some/all of the suggestions/advice given:

This "cutting" seems to be the physical embodiment of a child that is discontent with the world around them/their place in it and is often attributable to a broken home/disrupted family life.

She’s your child, talk to her and encourage her to talk to you. Just be ready for anything that she might have to say, and I do mean anything, and don’t discriminate or express distaste with whatever she has to say…, remember, she’s internalizing her inability to find anyone in her world to discuss her problems with, the conflicts and contradictions she sees in the world unfolding around her, and allow her to vent without passing judgement on anything that she’ll have to say.

She wants/needs to be listened to and to know that what she has to say counts for something. Essentially, just be her Dad.
If it’s a way to release tension… maybe she could find other ways to release tension.

Playing sports?
Taking Karate/boxing/whatever classes?
Something exhausting is always the best imo.
It releases the built up tension from not dealing with her emotions. There is something that is causing her so much pain, that she doesn’t know how to deal with it. Another cause may be that she just feels numb, and does it just to feel anything; even though it’s pain. Cutting is a very serious problem and requires counseling. She needs to talk about whatever her pain is and feel the emotions, only then will she be able to find a better way to release her tension.

IMO it’s not weird for her to talk about it like it’s no big deal, she’s crying out for help. You can minimize this and think it’s strange but you’re likely to wake up to a dead child. Minimize this at your own risk.

If I were in your shoes, I would have a long talk with her mother and get my daughter into long term counseling and perhaps in house therapy.

Cutting oneself isn’t normal, it’s a sign that things are really wrong but the person doesn’t know how to deal. Get them help dealing.

Good luck and God Bless.

You know one person that did this so obviously it’s fairly common?

Get a grip….it’s not healthy nor is it all that common. It is however, a sign that things are really wrong.
In the past month of college I’ve met 2 girl who told me that they cut themselves. Both of them gave me an almost identical reason in that when they cut they feel like their problems are being relieved. In my opinion one of them has serious mental issues and there’s nothing I can do to help her. But the other girl is much more reasonable and hopefully I’ll be able to talk to her and find out another way she can go about relieving stress. They both make sure to put the cuts in places that people won’t see. Both admit that they started cutting on their arms until their parents found out then they started putting the cuts in places not visible with clothes on. So I suggest that you don’t hound your daughter about cutting herself or she’ll probably just put them in places you can’t see and just tell you she stopped.

I lol-ed.
The fact that her mom isn’t doing anything about it will possibly make things worse.

In my experience people cut when they are trying to feel something, anything. Something is going on.. Since she isn’t trying to hide it 100% then she is consciously or not asking for help. She needs to talk to someone.
Want me to show her how to rip her toenails out instead? It’s less visible and more satisfying.

I knew a kid that did that when I lived in Canada.. He did it to his fingernails too and would then color the skin black.

It always creeped me out but I felt bad for the guy too. That shit looked like it HURT.

13

I wish she would too. When she is at my house it is non stop sports, but that culture doesn’t exist at her mom’s house in Texas, where she is most of the time.

She says her life there is hell and all she wants is to come to my house. She has never cut herself while at my house.
like others have said, get her some help. if she is openly telling you and her mother about this, its a cry for help. she may not be trying to kill herself, but the location of the cutting might lead to that very thing accidently.

hopefully if she is willing to tell you that she is doing this, she will be willing to go speak with someone about issues that might be causing it.

and give her love and support (which you probably do anyway). it worries me that her mom doesnt seem very concerned. it very well could be for attention if the mom barely notices

The mom took her to a counselor like once or twice. She is a single mom who has alienated her relatives and has 3 kids. So it is likely logistically difficult for her to get my daughter to counseling.

I think based on what you guys have said here, I will arrange for her to see a counselor while she is here for the summer. It is the best I can do I think.

i think it is somewhat normal behavior but is not healthy behavior
People cut because physical pain > emotional pain. Its a form of stress release for those daily life problems that won’t go away, or in other words your daughter is depressed about her daily life problems,

Its a situation like this , if someone called you an asshole, you’d brush it away as the person isn’t worth your time listening to, that’s the normal way people would deal with it.

If someone would call your daughter a bitch on the other hand, she’d get angered and frustrated, and because she can’t place or redirect the negativity in a good way , she’d get emotionally stressed, and to down that emotional stress, she would start cutting herself in an attempt to release some emotional steam.

Its worthless of course , its like people drinking booze wanting to make their problem go away but it doesn’t work, because cutting,drinking,anti-depressants etc etc are problem supressors and NOT problem solvers.

She needs to work on the root of the problem, and definitly needs to see a psychologist, and you also need to convince her to coooperate with the psychologist in order to tackle her mental problems.

Input = output

If the surroundings are fucked up, then she gets fucked up. Your little girl is like a sponge absorbing all the negativity in her life without knowing how to deal with it, she’d better learn fast on how to defend herself, and how to release her emotions instead of making it a murder hole and start cutting.

Speed is of the essense , the faster you work on it, the more likely she’ll recover. Removing the depressing factors, and stabilizing her enviroment as wel as strenghtening her self image, are important.

I say it always like this. Imagine if you are stuck in a room, what helps better, crying and cutting or a key to get out? Make sure your daughter gets help, and works on finding the key to unlock the door of her problems, tackle the root not the symptoms.

a model citizen as always you toenail ripping tent dweller
Dude, you are not equipped to deal with this. Get her to counseling.
I’d love to give advice, but just reading the thread alone makes the hair on my body stand.

Good luck, man.
I know this is a serious thread, and I agree that you should definitely take this seriously and seek professional help for her and talk to her yourself first but ummm LMFAO @ this….

I believe that seeking professional help for your child is necessary. Self-mutilation can be steamed from numerous things, including depression, anger, self-loathing, family problems, etc.

I’ll reply with more of something that might be able to help you through PM.

I came to post just this.

There are several reasons why people self injure. Some people do it because they claim they feel emotionally numb or dead inside. When they physically hurt themselves, they feel physical pain. While its not the same as emotional pain, it is still a feeling. People who engage in self injury for this reason claim to feel alive while they hurting themselves. To them, any sensation is better than no sensation at all.

Some people use self injury as a form of self punishment. They feel worthless or useless and as punishment for who they are, the self injure. Statistically, people who self injure as form of punishment also have other addictions like sexual, drug or eating disorders.

Some people use it as a way to manifest their emotional pain into physical pain. People who engage in self injury for this reason are not able to express or manage the emotional pain they feel. For someone who has maladaptive coping skills, emotional pain becomes extremely distressing. Knowing that emotional pain tends to last longer and hurt more than physical pain, they change their pain from something they don’t understand to something they can effectively manage. For them, a broken arm is better than a broken heart.

Get your daughter in therapy. Find a doctor (PhD or PsyD, it doesn’t matter which) who is skilled in working with both young girls and self injury. Their experience is key. Ideally, they should use a humanistic approach (commonly known as client-centered therapy) and if they claim to have an eclectic approach, be skeptical and check their credentials. Meet with the doctor first. Interview the doctor way you interviewed her pediatrician when she was an infant.

Hug your daughter. Talk to her. Don’t be angry or upset when she reveals some shocking and painful information, because she most likely will. Communicate communicate communicate. Don’t be afraid to ask your daughter questions. Too many times parents side step serious issues like this because they are afraid that talking about it will only propel the child further. That’s not true. She wants to be heard and understood so give her your time and attention. Talk to her and show her how to effectively manage her emotions. Other people have suggested physical activity and that’s a super great idea.

Its so unfortunate that her mother is acting so blase, regardless of how she really feels. Way to step up for your daughter. You’re a good dad Good luck and Godspeed to you both My thoughts and prayers are with you both

If this is true then you might want to talk to an attorney about getting primary custody of your daughter. There might be many things she’s not telling you about what goes on when she’s living with her mom.

Regardless, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I’ll keep you both in my prayers and I hope you find her the help she needs. Please don’t minimize her actions because she talks about them in casual ways. It’s good that she feels comfortable enough with you to tell you those things but her actions are an indication that things are not going well in her life….in fact, it’s an indication that things are very wrong.

Good luck and God Bless.
^^ Listen to this one. He’s right and he gives good advice.

About 10% of the population from what I can find. It is a sign that something is wrong, she doesn’t see it that way because it relieves whatever stress or lack of emotion she is dealing with.

Sports or some other form of ‘release’ may not satisfy whatever she is looking for. I would be wary to assume that she never cut herself while at your place. I am sure you are a great father and that somehow if she did cut herself at your place, it would be your fault. You cannot think that way, that will make it worse, make her go into hiding with it so that you don’t feel responsible for her actions.

10% is no where near "fairly common". That’s actually quite rare.
This is a post I made a few years ago. I repost it every now and then when the topic arises. I think you’ll find my words useful.

Yeah I’m interested too

wow. im 20 and ive never had the balls to actually slit them. pretty pathetic considering how miserable and fucked up i am

Nope it just shows that your body is functioning fine, i personally extremely dislike pain most likely just like others, i wouldn’t add additional pain to my already painfull life by doing stuff like that, as i don’t like to get hurt.
She is NOT going to look at you and say, ‘This is a suicide attempt.’.
Then again, if she does ever say that you need to take it seriously.

She needs help. Good talk therapy. Get her Mother on the horn and find out why Mom isn’t taking it seriously.
Ummm, I know how she feels…when I was in highschool(it’s not easy at all for girls developing and we get NO breaks from peer pressure, friends, life, etc, etc..) I also cut myself. It does help in a weird way…I am NOT saying that it is alright nor should she be left alone about it BUT I know how the kid feels, it releases an emotional pain you can’t deal with…and it’s usually b/c they are depressed (i was for years). You get this build up of multiple emotions(usually anger, sadness, insecurities) and the only way to sort them in that state of mind is to physically hurt yourself…it gives a temporary sense of relief, TEMPORARY that being it usually gets to that spot again where you have to do it again…and again and even years down the road

INTERVENE!!! I finally had to breakdown and go on depression medicine and get help from an outside source to help me deal.

For your kids sake (she may be upset with you for getting involved) but in the long run it’s for the best and for her health, happiness and safety!

That’s why she does it. The feelings are unbearable, she can’t express them or tolerate them, cutting is a way of coping as it releases the feelings.

It is an expression of feelings that can’t be verbalised, a physical distraction from the physical sensations of anxiety which are frightening and unpleasant. There is also a release of hormones that helps calm the distress.

She needs help to learn to verbalise her feelings and find healthier ways of coping with distress. Do not give her web links, self harming is common and contact with others via online forums can make things worse due to peer pressure. Do not stop her cutting, it is the only way she has of coping, but get her help to minimise harm until she can stop.

Most kids out grow this habit, meanwhile, other than therapy, lots of cuddles and understanding will go a long way.
My ex had had wrist marks… Turns out she cut herself when she was younger, kinda like a release, she said it started with her parents divorce… She didn’t do it anymore when i was datin her

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THEN:
-We dated for about 6 months, we both we in love with each other, we admitted this.
-She broke up with me for no reason, saying she did not want a serious relationship (later found out she was cheating on me with her abusive ex-bf, another guy in her dorms, and a bottle of vodka)

-After said break up, she dated 6 guys at one time
-6 months later, she is engaged to a minor league hockey player.
-2 years after they are engaged, she cheats on him. He basically found her in bed with another man.
-A year after that, she ended up in rehab for drug and alcohol abuse.

NOW:
-She got married in 2004, when she was 28 (the husband was then 44, yuck bad age difference)
-She went on to coach a girl’s lacrosse team at the local high school in the town which she lived in.
-She continued to pursue her master’s degree and is finishing it up now.
-Her and her husband both have two businesses at the moment
-She has written two books on Adobe Photoshop (yes, written)
-She has interviewed and wrote and article in a hockey magazine where she got to interview Sidney Crosby.

Now, part of me is very happy she turned her life around. I’m glad to see someone really turn their life around like this and be happy.

In the other sense, I think to myself "Because of the person she once was, did she really deserve to have all these good things happen to her?" I know I shouldn’t judge on one’s past, but it amazes me that I’ve always been such a good person and haven’t had any of these amazing things happen for me no matter how hard I try (it seems the harder I try, the harder I fall).

P.S.
Expecting responses such as:
"sounds like she is doing awesome for herself and you need to grow up"
and
"get over your ex"
and
"Only way you can do these things is if you make them happen for you"

Agreed – except for the 2 books thing, which is pretty cool. Besides, almost everyone makes their lives sound better when they tell others about it – especially ex’s. I’m sure there are some crappy things about her life that she just didnt mention and, like the rest of us, her life isnt all sunshine and daisies.
all those things happened for her, likely because she was motivated to make them happen. peoples past, technically should not be weighed against their future, and your life is what you make it.

are you by chance, feeling like you were ripped of an opportunity to share her life, which ended up being much better than when you knew her?
I dont see the problem, you should be happy for her, not resentful.
Well up until the two books thing I didn’t think much of her. Plenty of people own businesses and still don’t make much profit.

But you don’t know the whole story either. What if you found out the reason she married a guy that age was because they both had HIV and thats how they met. Random I know but you don’t know the whole picture.
I’m at point where I think thats how life is. Some people have a great life and others do not.
No, all of those things happen because her husband is rich and she is going for a ride. Only reason a girl would marry an older guy like that.
I have an ex from 12+ years ago that is doing VERY well for himself. He got into real estate when the market here was booming a few years ago and he made out like a bandit. He now lives in a $500K house with a pool and horse property, which is something I always dreamed about (horse property).

He was probably the flakiest person in the world when I knew him. I’m glad he turned things around for himself and isn’t 35 years old and still blowing paychecks on CDs and other toys. BUT….knowing him as a person, and knowing his family….I am REALLY glad we’re not together. It just would never have worked.

I’ll take our avereage home, average salary, and average lifestyle over being wealthy but miserable any day

.

/thread

Get over it dude, her life doesn’t even sound 1/4 as amazing as I was expecting. Sounds like she was a massive whore who married an old guy for his money/status and now is reaping the benefits of that.

Move on.

We don’t have to read all that to tell you what you need, and you need to stop thinking about it if you were motivated to type that much…

grow a fucking dick, and go take what is yours in the world. The world is ran by people who show up, and you’re not showing up because you’re a pussy. So get serious about taking what is yours. If you think you’re sad now and you miss this chick, you’re really going to feel pathetic when you’re 80 years old, and crawling in bed for the last time thinking about all the things you could have done.

You have 18,000 days left, no one is going to live them for you.
I’m not a wealthy person. I’m still very young but i consider myself very well off.
First, i put my son first and make sure he has what he needs and he loves me for it.

Second, i work hard for what i have.

Third, my family is very important to me and i know they’re always there.

I’m consider myself "better off" than most in my graduating class even though some make more money than me.
Nice guys finish last. That’s just the way it is.

You don’t truly know how happy she really is. People are good at hiding their inner feelings with material things. Fact is you can’t buy happiness.

Your ex-gf doing well for herself is not what is making you feel like nothing. You are letting yourself feel like nothing.
Well, it took a friend of mine to help me out on this one…

Basically, what I feel, is that I have been doing mostly the same thing for 7 1/2 years. I think it’s getting to me, but I might be getting that break soon. I just found out recently the company I have been with for this amount of time is selling to another company (and have not told employees, only me, my co-worker and my boss know). So right now, I have no idea where my job is headed or if I will even be employed in two weeks…

But I was telling a friend about this, and told him I did not know what I was going to do and he put it into perspective and said "You can do anything you want to do, that’s the best part about it." I also found out his wife is a publisher and he offered to have her publish a book series I wanted to write on. So, maybe things will look up for me
a really wise person once told me "you may be jealous because friends or co-workers are successful at something, but they may have problems in another aspect of their life, where you really excel"

something like that. it’s really good advice to remember when you get jealous.

that may not be true…that isn’t even that big of an age difference.

24 years isn’t a big age difference to you?

And maybe you’re right, but he still shouldn’t give a shit about what his whore of an ex gf (of only 6 months) is doing 12 years later in life. He should be working on achieving what he wants to achieve.

28 and 44 is 16, not 24. I think over 20 is kind of a lot. But I don’t really think 28 and 44 is a big deal if he’s active and "acts young."

I hang out with like a 75 year old dude that dates 50 year olds because he in no way looks that old.

true…read the little thing I posted. I’m very critical of myself and compare myself to others WAY too much. It will seriously ruin your life if you obsess over it, you have to live for yourself.

read the ages wrong. And yeah, I could never even imagine dating a guy 10 years older than me, tops. I also think there’s a huge difference in where you are in life when you are 28 dating a 44 year old as opposed to a 70 year old dating 50 year olds, but that’s just me

I was making a joke on her considering the way he described her sounded exactly like the kind of girl who would marry an older man for his money or status.

Good quote BTW.

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Aside from that, I have no family to speak of. I’m an only child, my mom hasn’t spoken with her family in years because of a family squabble, and I’ve never been close with my dad’s family, even when he was alive. I don’t have any friends, most are just casual friends at best. Not married, no girlfriend, no kids. I do have a fulltime job in the finance/accounting field, make ok money, nothing great. I have feelings for a woman I know, but she is in a very long term relationship, and views me as just a friend. It’s hard to meet other women, because of my living situation.

The last couple months, I just feel like packing it in and eating a bullet. My whole life feels empty, and I have no real reason to keep on going. I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and if this is all that is left, then I want out.
Not meeting other women because of your living situation is a copout. If you are comfortable with your situation you should have no issues meeting and wooing women.

Sounds like you aren’t actually trying anything new, just being pessimistic about your life and situation and wondering why nothing is changing on its own. Friends and lovers don’t just fall into your lap.

I have been saving for a house, but I’m not sure it’s going to be possible given my mom’s medical issues. Even if I am ok with it (which I’m not sure that I am) most women my age are not ok with it.

Well what are you basing that off of? How many girls have you dated or told that you live at home (for your obvious understandable reason) and had them tell you that was unattractive or leave you because of it?

Or are you just assuming?

Not assuming it. Had a couple dump me because of it. Has pretty much made me stop trying, because I know what is going to happen eventually.

How many girls? And how long did you date?

You actually explained the whole reason and they dumped you just for that? How did they explain it?

3 total. The longest was about a year. Yes I explained why, and was told they couldn’t get over it, and they didn’t like the fact they couldn’t come and go from the house and that I wasn’t alone here.
Ford! I’ve been thinking about you a lot in the past year and a 1/2… wondering what happened with you and your then gf and the car you gave her.. then when your dad passed away..

I’m sorry life seems to have flipped you over and dropped you on your head. Life seems to be going so well and then bam! Nothing is like it once was. And that is some serious bullshit to deal with.

I can’t give you a reason as to why you should go on. I think everyone’s reason is different. But I do know that you were once happy and excited about the possibilities the future held for you- and I think you can find your way back to happy. Have faith! And if the best you can do some days is put one foot in front of the other and trudge on, then so be it. But don’t give up. Not yet. Even the shitty times don’t last forever.

My prayers are with you and your family Ford. Hang in there, Ace.
Well going by experience i know that alcohol can destroy ‘generations’ and its negative effect goes down onto children, and maby as far or further then 4 generations down the line in terms of damage that it does, and that’s not overexaggerated. What is left is this huge black hole off negativity and a trail of carnage that the alcoholic has left into his/her family.

So what to do?

Your father is dead, so the person who caused the abuse and negativity is no longer there.Knowing that negativity leads to nowhere, and with no more negativity being put into the situation,( but still being left with the traces of disaster),you can do two things, cry over the ruins or start rebuilding your life, i advice you to rebuild the ruins and start cleaning up your life.

Is there anyway you can end the quarrel your mom has with the rest of the family? What is it about anyway>?

Second you need to set some goals in your life that will make your life go forward. So far you only had a godawfull wrong example of that father of your who’s alcohol abuse only made his life go around in circles, it made his life go nowhere, so you need to steer clear from that and do things that bring you to somewhere, namely things that give a better life for you and your mom. Establishing new contact between the family and you two would therefore be nice as it would increase social contact.

Now for social contacts one would usually suggest to goto clubs n bars, but seeing how prone your dad was to alcohol id suggest to steer away from alcohol in total as you might be prone as wel to addiction that you’d never be able to release yourself from, and that would be the last thing desirable.

What is your hobby? I know chess or computerclub might sound a little cheesy, but if you could goto one you could at least increase your social contact a bit, even if it was just a bit its better then nothing.

Social contacts are a continues investment of time/effort and you must see how much you are willing to spend on it, in order to gain the contacts that you require. Maby there are also places that you could bring your mom along too, although i do not know how serious her condition is, if its still do-able to go outside and take her to certain places, even if it was just for a park stroll. Id give it a go, as it would give her as wel as you a nice breather going outside, instead of staying inside too long.

Hang on ,even tho its hard.

That wouldn’t help your mom much. If you’ve even thought about that why not move out and try to help your mom as much as you can…better than leaving her with no one right?

Yes, my life has pretty much done to complete dog shit. The gf I gave the car to, she’s 8 months pregnant. Turns out, she was fucking some guy she works with, baby could be mine, might not be. I don’t know, and neither does she. She seems pretty intent on making sure it’s the other guys though, we no longer speak at all.

I don’t drink, at all. After living a life of complete hell for the first 24 years of my life, thanks to an alcoholic, I have zero interest in drinking. I know it sounds fucked up, buy in many ways my dad’s passing gave me a chance to be free, and a shot at a normal life. On the other hand, it’s also caused a very large responsibility to be placed on my shoulders (my mom). My mom has advanced diabetes, she can’t drive anymore because it’s caused major vision problems, and she has trouble walking distances more than a 6-10 feet at a time because of the circulation problems it caused. She can’t even walk though a store, for example, without having to sit multiple times. There has been several instances where she has collapsed at home, while I was there, and once while I was at work. That is the reason I doubt living on her own would be possible.

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Any idea where the depression stems from?

And I’ve searched through your threads. You should really consider rehab for your alcohol abuse. Using depressants when depressed obviously doesn’t help.

I don’t know precisely where it stems from, but have been depressed most of my life.

I’m looking into A.A. now and found some near me.

Are you still on a lot of medication?

60mg of Cymbalta.

I actually stopped it for a few weeks as I was too broke to afford it…but back on it now.

check it out
Life has it’s high’s and low’s. If you commit suicide when you are at a low point you wont be able to enjoy the high times.

Changing the way you think will help you to deal with the lows and highs in a much healthier way.

Don’t be afraid to seek professional help to help you through your dark times.
Go rent and watch "Wristcutters: A Love Story"

Gave me a great new perspective on suicide.

Love that movie…watched it just cuz Tom Waits was in it though.

Nice, that movie really is awesome. It really made me think about suicide in a whole different way.

I remember being at a low point and thinking for a second about killing myself…then I smacked myself in the face and it took a while, but I changed my life around.

Have you ever sought out therapy?

I went to a therapist for a few months a couple of years ago but didn’t really make me feel any better.

I mean, of course that’s probably not really long enough but she was talking about getting me into a psychatrist (she was a psychologist) to maybe put me on some meds. I was dead set against that at the time so I kind of just quit going.
Went to first AA meeting…just sat around and kind of hid but was nice in a way.

Hell, even if I just meet people who know stuff to do without drinking (which I don’t currently) it’d be a plus.

Good step!

I’ve felt in the past I wanted to commit suicide. You know what stopped me? Knowing I’d probably fail at that too.
Hang in there dude! Don’t go off the Cymbalta without talking to a Dr. first…it can set off some REALLY NASTY depression when you do that, if you want off of it tell your Dr. and they’ll usually ween you off nice and slow so that doesn’t happen.

There’s plenty of things to do without drinking…I recently stopped drinking (told myself 6 months atleast) because I can’t control how much I drink when I do start drinking and I’ve found that working out is a great thing to do, it’s good for your body first off, takes my mind off of other things, and I generally feel great after doing it.

Suicide isn’t the way out, working through the depression is, whether it’s through counseling or medication.

I know that feeling….

I learned going off the Cymbalta was a MAJOR bad move, I felt just totally useless and couldn’t stop thinking about death almost every minute of the day. Not gonna do that again….

I do need to start working out again, but really the motivation just hasn’t been there. Also, of course, being drunk the night before really fucks up you wanting to work out the next day. Hopefully if I keep off the drinking that might change.
yeah dude, do your best to start working out again. i know for me… i feel wayyy better when i’m consistently in the gym.

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