ADD/Anxiety

I was diagnosed with ADD three years ago. I can remember symptoms since elementary school, as my lack of focus was far below that of my peers. Although during elementary school hyperactivity wasn’t entirely uncommon, so I fit in rather well and luckily gained a wide group of life long friends. I moved to a nearby city for middle school, and subsequently another school for high school, and things became much harder. While others were maturing and getting their minds on task (as much as what you would expect from pre-college kids), my mind seemed to stay the same. I was well liked by those I came across, and had the potential to, but found myself socially withdrawn. I could get along with people from any social group. However, even in an interesting conversation my mind would wander and I just couldn’t keep up. Of my own doing I became sort of a loner.
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The ups and downs of the past six months…

It all came crashing down when my gf of two years dumped me. I was home alone on winter break because my mother went to Italy with my brother and my father went to Argentina to visit their families. Unfortunately I couldn’t go to either place because finals ran late this year . Anyway, I became super emo because I LOVED this girl (my first real relationship). I spent thousands on her, left the country without telling my parents to go visit her, continually disobeyed my parents to please her bla bla the whole nine yards. For three weeks I literally STOPPED eating. I dropped from 205lbs to 181lbs and would just sit in my room all fucking day doing absolutely nothing. I never went to work, never went out with my friends, never did anything.
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Crying to feel better.

I’m wondering if i’m alone on this..

When i start to notice myself thinking about something or someone that makes me sad i am quick to get my mind off of it or not let it bother me … right? it keeps me going

but sometimes i feel better when i put on my death cab for cutie list and reflect upon my mistakes and sadness…let it all out i guess.. i have no one to talk to, all friends gone and are moving ahead in their lfie. So am i but it’s tough growing up i guess.
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get your disordered booties in here

*Notice: I don’t want this to be triggering to anyone in anyway, but I can’t promise it won’t be. Just be careful guys*

So how are you guys doing lately?

I know a few of you were seeking treatment/recovery- how’s that going? I’m having a shitty time trying to keep my ED in check lately. In fact, its really getting bad these past few weeks. Maybe its summer coming up. I dunno.

But, against my better judgment, I did go buy a new scale last week. Obviously I knew what was going to happen, yet somehow I convinced myself I’d be fine with one in the apt. Not one of my better decisions- but at the same time, I know i won’t get rid of it any time soon.
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i think my whole life is a lie v.not fooling myself anymore v. vent

maybe not my whole life, but, i act as if i don’t care what people think of me, about me, do, etc. for the most part, thats true, but i realized today just how much of my life is centered around others, and pleasing them, and how i care way more than i let on about a whole bunch of shit, mostly with girls, i am very depressed right now, yesterday i felt fine but little things can alter my mood so much, i poured beer into my laptop, its kinda fucked up, and i think that put me in a terrible mood. not because of the laptop, just because i am very hard on myself whenever i do something stupid (posts on OT excluded)
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had a mad lucid dream today v.story

so im always in a dream where theres a specific location thats totally familiar, always. red framed coffee shop, yet each room extends to another, and always totally deserted yet theres a tennant keeping it all square in each individual and completely different room setting. next thing i know i’ve climbed the front steps to the bus station with my friends (/my coworkers). we wait for the bus n shit. spend some time taking the bus place to place trying to figure out where i plan to go. that indecisive plan plots out each time, yet only formulates when i know where im going.
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Self Esteem issues

So I recently started dating this girl (about 2 months ago) and everything has for the most part been great. The thing is, I’ve been inexplicably down on myself in regards to her (which hasn’t happened in past relationships that I can remember). I keep waiting for her to no longer find me interesting and I feel like I’m boring around her even though she has given me no reason to think like this. WTF ot?

this is all to common, all you’ve done here is place her over yourself which means you feel inferior to her in whatever way. its your insecurities that are winning over yourself, which will manifest jealousy which will drive this woman away. All this stems down to self esteem issues, but you already knew that
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Holy Geez I miss my mom….She was the best :(

Less the a year ago my mom passed away from cancer.

Please bear with me cause the way this dream that just happened to hard to explain.

I just the strangest dream how I was visiting her at her grave sight and the ground around her slowly started to crumble and she slowly arisen from ground…still on her back with her eyes closed. I slowly start to see she her and she is slightly decayed and cold in color. For some reason I wasn’t scared.

She slowly awoken eyes still shut and started to craw around blindly looking for someone or something I kept kept calling her.. yelling out MOM! Mom! She didn’t seem to see me or hear more but then out of no where I see something she throws out me which is orange. I catch the item and look at it:
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Haven’t drank in about a month….but today

I’m thinking, after I get done with my second job (ends at 11 PM), what’s the harm in having a couple of beers?

I know I can buy like two or three beers and not go crazy….just don’t know how important it is to not drink ‘AT ALL’….
if i were you i wouldnt do it if i was asking myself whats the harm? i would stay far away from it this is just me though
That’s exactly how it starts again, you start to rationalize with it and it keeps escalating until it’s a problem again. I honestly wouldn’t do it, if it got to a point where you needed to stop then, please think about it some more. I have a co-worker going through AA and it’s still a battle for him 3 weeks out.
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can’t stop jerking off

Oh god I cant stop

When I come home from work I see lots of girls in their shorts. Obviously since I have no game to get any girl, I go home to rub one out instead. I’ve been doing it everyday now, but I used to do it once a week.
Seems like a troll. If not, be thankful, you’ve finally become a man.

because they want to get your attention, i mean with you posting in OT main forum as well.
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