I am going to copy and paste this email to my sister
So I think a whole bunch of shit just kind of piled on me and I am having a really tough time dealing with it. So I just kind of wanted to vent. I am absolutely terrified about what my next step is after graduating. I know I don’t want to stay up here, cause I feel isolated enough right now and I still have a campus to be on and a roommate here. This next year up here I am scared is going to lonely.
I feel like I have no friends and the ones I do have are either leaving/graduating. This is fragmented as shit, but recently I have been thinking about how I felt I was treated growing up, my lack of ambition in school, and how I just feel lost and stuck up here.

Even more recently as I have tried to think all of that through I have found out that Blake and Andrew are likely breaking up and probably should have a long time ago. I otherwise wouldn’t care except for that I was told that she messed around with a friend of mine(the one of few friends I like that I have made at work). Andrew was aware of this dude and threatened by him, and on multiple occasions Blake and I would go to a social gathering where Eric was and Andrew would tell him he doesn’t like her being around him. Eric told me that they messed around short of sex a couple of weeks ago and I finally got the courage to ask her, because I think that for a couple that have lived together for 3 years, that he needs to know and it should be from her. It sucks because I consider Blake a really good friend and didn’t want to believe this. Anyways a couple of nights ago we were drinking at andrew and blakes place and andrew got too drunk to tag along to Erics and after he verbally abused her for a short time I pulled him aside and told him that I wouldn’t let anything go down, let alone that he needs to put some trust in someone you have been with for 3 years. After this we walked to my house and the way on Blake told us shit thats been wrong with their relationship for some time. But, however fucked something is you need to end one thing before you pick up another. After this we went to Erics and were having a good time until Eric told Pat and I we had to leave, at this point I got in his face, maybe became a little too control or protective of Blake, but I refused to leave them alone together. Pat then asked Blake if thats what she wanted and she nodded yes. So I told her I’ll give eric 15 minutes to say what he needs to say and then I expected her to be at our house, cause I feel anymore time than that and I am obligated to tell Andrew what was up(as she had already asked if she could sleep at our house because of what andrew had said)

Anyway she walked in about 25 minutes later and Pat asked if she was cool and what happened and she told him that She just vented more about Andrew and then he told her how he felt about her. I then asked her to be completely honest and if anything went down between them either tonight or before and she said no.

Then I found from Eric that they did make out a couple of weeks ago, but that they just talked the other night. He then made it sound like there is definitely shit going on between them but that she doesnt know what to do because she lives with andrew. I feel bad about that, and it must suck for her to have to deal with a relationship she should have ended a while ago, and now has a guy interested in her while she still lives with her current boyfriend. But, I just feel that at this point I know too much. Andrew is PLANNING on getting a 2br with her and I 10 miles away from campus where if she did leave him, we would have no social life. And after this I just sealed the deal on a 1 bedroom around campus. But I feel like she needs to tell him the truth, or I will. And this all just sucks because I consider her and him one of my best friends up here. In fact, Pat and I enjoy chilling with her most of the time and we have joked that we have a brother sister relationship.

So all of this shit, when I am trying to deal with my own problems have left me with panic attacks leaving me naeseous and not feeling like myself. I feel like my whole body hurts. I just don’t know what the fuck to do.

Thank you for reading my fragmented mess.
:high school drama:

Graduate, get the fuck out of dodge, and 90% of those problems will disappear.

Yea. College drama. I don’t think my lack of confidence, lack of ambition, complete lack of trust in people, and discomfort about how I was raised, and the conditions that my father died will go away once I graduate and (move?) from school.

If those are your problems, why did you post that soap opera of superficial shit?

Maybe the real problem is that you’re involving yourself in the lives of others in an attempt to avoid dealing with the fact that you "lack confidence, lack ambition, lack trust in people, (have) discomfort about how (you were) raised, and…" something about your father.

Focus on those rather than who Pat, Andrew, Blake and Eric are fucking and maybe you’ll start fixing yourself.
Some people surround themselves with drama. You say that they are in a relationship that should have ended long ago and that the female in said relationship should end one thing before starting another.

These are your opinions, you are not in the relationship Blake and Andrew are. Whatever you think they should do doesn’t matter, they stay in a ‘dysfunctional’ relationship because they love the drama.

Like Marlyn Manson said ‘some of them want to be abused.’ Anything that you tell Andrew isn’t going to make him change anything. All it would do is add drama (which they like) and make him feel more abused (a feeling which he enjoys.)

You need to take a great big giant step back, allow these two (or three) people live their own lives and figure it out for themselves. You are not their mother, father, minister, doctor, or psychiatrist, stop acting like you are. You are in no position to provide advice on what they ‘should’ do.

Cliffs: These people are crazy, they are happy in their unhappiness. They are driving you crazy and spreading the unhappiness which you are becoming unhappy with. Get The Fuck Away From Them.

Don’t rent a house with them. Get the fuck away from them.

Thanks. I think you (all) are absolutely right in that I may involve myself in other peoples shit to avoid my own.

The cool part is it’s easy to fix!!

Make a conscious effort to back off the superficial involvement and concentrate more on yourself and you’ll notice a change pretty quick.

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