Hi all, I’ve been experiencing a rough bout of anxiety for the past 4 months that has been debilitating. It all started with a huge obsession over irrational health fears that developed into constant panic attacks. Before 4 months ago I was a normal guy with a great job. I graduated college 3 years ago, have a house, recently got married, etc. I have nothing to be worried about, but I’m having trouble retraining my brain to get out of the ‘funk’ it has been in for the past 4 months.

Anyway, I’d like to see success stories of people who were in reeeeaallyy bad phases in their lives and managed to get out of it. I just want to know that this isn’t permanent.

Thanks
If you’re worried that you might be doing something terribly wrong in regards to your health but you don’t know what it is, start smoking; that way you’ll know you’re doing something terribly wrong in regards to your health, and you’ll also know exactly what to do to fix it.

Okay, maybe don’t actually start smoking, but my overall point stands: taking more risks will actually help you feel less anxious about your life because you’ll know why your life is taking the course it’s taking — because of the choices you’re making. Eat fried chicken once a week and then go for a run the next day, or something. Don’t just sit at home eating health food all the time, or whatever.
My younger brother stabbed me in the head with a serrated hunting knife. Look up eagle or bear claw knives and you’ll see. It is mainly used for field dressing.

Right side, temple area. 3/4 of an inch. A little less than 1/4" give/take and I would have been dead. Still don’t know how I survived so many factors for it to be called luck. That is just my opinion though. Angle of entry. Curve of the blade. The angle of my head and body to his. Force.

In his drug addled fury he almost took out the only person who has been there for him since he was born. As soon as the deed was done, I felt a thunk sound that was inside my head. Pain? Yeah. Panic. Hell yes. I realized what happened when I seen the shock in his eyes. He had snapped out of it. Sober. He freaked out. Started back pedaling..while crying I’m sorrys and I didn’t mean toos. He dropped the knife and turned. He ran inside the house.

I’m staggering, clutching my hand to my head, blood quickly escaping. Turning my black shirt with the Venom design red. Warm. Sticky.

Our Mom swept in and picked up the knife and ran into the house. My mind is always racing. This was different. It was focused. Adrenaline no doubt. Anger. Pain. Betrayal. Instead of making sure I wasn’t dying…they ran. I ran inside.

Mom was washing the knife. Then she got a wet dishtowel and tried to come toward me and compress it. The same time…he was approaching from my left trying to hug me…crying…saying he is sorry. I flipped out, told them to never touch me and to fuck off…

I went, like and idiot and drove 10 minutes back to my house to get my wife and daughter. I didn’t know if I was dying, if these where my last moments. My wife took over and I found my way to the hospital via the ambulance that was called. 4 stitches. And a shit ton of Ativan.

My brother eventually got out of it. No one wants to talk about it but me. My wife will. But not those two. 6 months after he got out of it he was bragging about it and threatening another person. "I stabbed my own brother in the head, what do you think I’ll do to you?" *Sigh*

3 years later, I’m alive. I’m better, not well. It was rough at first. For so long I was an undiagnosed Bi-Polar. Now you stack PTSD on it. I was taking hot ass showers for hours at a time. Long past when the water ran cold. 5 and 6 times a day. Afraid to go out. Nightmares. I pissed myself a lot. Asleep. Awake. It didn’t matter. Bad dreams would cause it. Waking dreams or memories or reliving the Thunk caused it. It pushed me into a realm that is beyond dark. I was lashing out. Angry, rage, hate. I couldn’t control so I was out of control.

I was being drug out of the house by my wife, and daughter. Shrinks, nuerologists, the lot. I had a pharmacy of stress, mood, and pain meds. Uppers, downers. Any and everything candy coated.

I finally started getting suicidal because I started to hear shit. Voices. Sounds. The voices were familiar. Everyone I loved. Family. Friends. Started to tell me to do things. Stressed me out more trying to ignore them.

It all snapped, and I was brought into clarity when I drew back a closed fist on my 7 year old daughter. The light of my life. That is when I stopped going through the motions and started actively seeking help. Stopped dodging appointments.

My family has a history of violence. My dad’s fucking scumbag bio donor (His REAL dad and my grampa was a great man.), dad, me, and my brother. Lived in violence. Genetically bred for addiction and anger.

I decided to break the cycle. It is a fight. PTSD exacerbates my cycles and that makes it rough. Rapid Cycle Bi-Polar means I can change cycles fast as hell anyway.

I still have a pharmacy. But it is worth it. I still am dealing with the PTSD and all the after effects. One of the worst is when Chloe brings it up, "Hey, Daddy, remember when Uncle Chris stabbed you and when you picked us up? You were covered in blood and I thought you were going to die." Makes me cry.

Some days are worse than others. You have to learn to deal with it as best as you can. Sometimes I start that sickly sticky feeling again, and I have to jump in the shower. Crowds are the worst. Getting my haircut can sometimes set it off and just make me freak out.

Hell. It took almost 9 months before Brandi convinced me to go get it cut. I had to take a good dose of valium. Brandi was holding one hand and Chloe, the other. Full, long head of hair, full thick beard. She cut my hair short and styled it up a bit. Along with my hair, a lot of the sick, unhealthy shit, went with it. My eyes were sunk in. It was aweful.

When I got home, it was up to me to finish it I took a hot shower, came out and I used clippers to trim and shape and then shave. I left my chinbeard and as chloe calls it, my baby beard, under my lower lip. It took me 3 hours, and I was crying and freaking out.

But I did it. I faced it down twice. I felt much better afterwards.

You can start by facing it little by little, or making small changes. You will begin to understand yourself and what you’re facing. No matter what has happened to you or what is getting you down, if you take slow, deliberate steps, you can and will overcome it.

You cannot expect miracles overnight . You will experience setbacks. Keep moving forward. There is no cure, but you can beat it. Keep moving forward. That is all you have to do. When you beat it down, you will realize it for what it is, just another hurdle.

You will be out years later, and a pang of anxiety hits, threatening to take over. You will calmly acknowledge it for what it is, and deal with it in the best way possible. Then? You’ll go about your evening, not even giving it a second thought.

Keep your head up. Keep positive. Acknowledge what you’re up against. Then, take small baby steps toward overcoming…you WILL gain momentum and you WILL get back to you.
TheOutlawTorn that was a very thoughtful post, thank you. I can relate in that I am now in a very anxious, almost manic, state due to fears that I keep reliving. I can’t sleep, can’t focus, will probably lose my job soon, etc.

I was misdiagnosed with a severe disease (due to some lab errors) and — even though I’ve now been given a clean bill of health — confronting my mortality has destroyed my sense of peace. I’m now constantly afraid I have numerous different conditions and I keep going to the ER with health fears. I’ve developed full blown hypochondria and anxiety. I can’t sleep, I keep reliving the panic I had when I was misdiagnosed.

Anyway, I guess I’m just searching for reassurance that I’m not stuck like this forever. I’ve been doing counseling and just started seeing a psych about taking meds temporarily, but I can’t imagine living like this for 20 more years. I just got married, bought a house.. i just started my damn life. Just 4 years ago i was running 3 miles a day, partying, enjoying life… now I feel like I’m withering away. Well anyway I will listen to your advice and take it day by day. Thanks again for your insight.
Did you stop doing all those things you used to occupy your time with? If so, that’s generally a bad idea.
Start enriching your life, but slowly. If you realize it for what it is, it cannot overtake you!
Lose your sense of urgency. You have responsibilities, but your ties to them can consume you if you permit your fears vs your commitments drag you down.
young, married, house, probably talking about kids. Yeah I’d be anxious myself.

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