My wifes spending habbits are driving me crazy

Heres the run down. My wife is horrible with money any money we have we will spend even money we don’t have. Her dad tells me every time he visits that I have to keep an eye on her or she will suck us both dry. Right now its gotten to the point where we have too much debt. We arent flat broke but I dont want to keep living pay check to paycheck with out any kind of savings.

So I came up with a few rules which I dont think are unreasonable. First thing we do is shop for food. Then after we have groceries out of the way the next thing we do is pay all of the bills. Once the bills clear any money we have left over I don’t have a problem if she spends it. This also leaves us plenty of room for incidentals like gas and maybe the occasional snack. When things are done this way we end up having an additional 200 a check left over.

Here is the problem she wont wait for the bills to clear and spend all of the money EVERY pay check. This paycheck she spent 40 dollars on random sewing things and then went ahead and spent an additional 70 on more sewing stuff. Mean while Im cutting my spending so we can use that money to pay off debt. I havent been going to jiu jitsu because its 100 a month and that money can be used to pay off debt. What frustrates me is I made a sacrifice so that we could both live better and that money that should be going to pay bills she spent on sewing stuff.

So basically I am sacrificing my hobbies so she can spend more money. I got extremely angry and bitched at her today because I sacrificed something I loved for the benefit of both of us and she went ahead and just spent that money selfishly. She only sees it as 100 dollars but that 100 dollars took me 5 hours of work to make. So I had to work for 5 hours so she could blow that money. When you stop and think about it she basically took away one days worth of work away from me for sewing stuff.

Its very frustrating because she doesn’t take an active involvement in managing or paying the bills so its all on me to manage the finances. I am losing sleep over how spread thin we are when we DONT have to be. Keep in mind she also has 200 dollars which are deposited to a seperate account which she uses for all of this hobby stuff she wants to do. She spends it all up within the first week and then starts going after all of the common money. So its not even like she doesnt have her own money to spend and its driving me crazy.

In total this month on random stuff she has spend 410 dollars and it is only half way through the month. Is it just me? any help guys. I love my wife to death but I cant live like this. I believe that 200 dollars a month is more then enough for a person to blow on misc expenses. Especially since we go out and do things together with the other money.

All I want is for her to prioritize and wait to spend. If she needs it or wants it so bad it can wait 2 days cant it?
Does she have a job? Has she ever had a job?

If not, I suggest you make her go out and get one. Even if it’s just part time, she needs to learn how to work for money and recognize its value in the way you described it here. Maybe then she’ll think twice before just going crazy spending.

I would also suggest splitting some service or item with a monthly bill off separately and make her manage the payment of that one thing. If it’s her car, her phone, or whatever, she needs that responsibility so that if she fucks up and runs out of money to pay for it, she is the only one she can be mad at when it gets repo’d or shut off.
Honestly you need to do a budget, find out how much she can spend on whatever and put that amount in a seperate account. Then she can enjoy her spending w/o you asking about every single purchase, and you won’t worry about her making you broke.

And you really need to sit her down and show the information on paper

INCOME
- rent/mortgage
-car
-utilities
-food
etc…

and show just how much money you have.
This one sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Don’t give her access to your checking account. Give her whatever extra money she has to spend but don’t let her use the money you’re using to pay bills. She’ll learn pretty quickly what it means to budget when she doesn’t have any money for the rest of the month.
I would do what diesel recommended. if she doesn’t get it then, then she’ll never get it i’m no cheap person, but spending $410 on random things (things that aren’t a necessity) seems a bit much.

if it has to come down to it, you should take control of the finances and give her an allowance to understand just how much she’s spending on nonsense items.
Get rid of any plastic she carries.

Tell her she can only spend cash.

Make sure everything is paid before she gets her hands on any cash.

if she doesn’t understand words, you have to act on your own in the best interest of the family.
She needs to do something 40 hours a week. A job, volunteer work, whatever. That alone will be helpful.

She gets one of those ‘rechargeable’ debit cards. You know the kind. You see them at Wallmart, they have the Visa logos on them.

You need to start getting her name off of stuff. Open a new checking account, close the old one. Same with the credit cards.

You need to insulate your finances from her spending habits. Make it so that when she blows through her monthly or weekly cash there is nowhere for her to go.

Don’t forget that there are different sorts of professional counseling for this as well. There is finanical counseling and marriage counseling. This sort of behavior ends marriages.
This is why, no matter how much money I make, I could never marry any lazy slob that wanted to be a housewife. Be a man and start cutting her off. She should only have access to the $200 a month you give her. If she starts bitching and trying to get more out of you then take that away from her too. Let her go get a job and earn money to support her hobbies instead of sitting around the house bored all day which only makes her spend more money.

For the record.
This has NOTHING to do with housewives. Most housewives I know of are doing it to stay home and raise the kids.
My wife did it for a while and she about went nuts she wanted to work so bad.

I was a stay at home Dad when I got laid off and I think of it as the single greatest experience I have had being a Dad so far.

Her problem is a spending problem. We are suggesting she gets a job cause of idle hands and all that. But the terrible truth is that may not be enough to stop her.

Do this and cancel her credit cards if she is using them for non-emergency things.

Start acting like a man.
a few years ago my wife was a lot like you describe in the original post

we decided to only let her have access to a set amount of cash at any given time (enough for her spending needs that day)

this has worked very well and over the last couple of years she has gotten much better with her spending and now even if she had full access to the money I don’t think she would blow it all like she would have in the past
This is what me and my SO do…

Every week I put $100 into savings, get $100 in cash, and put the rest in checking. Checking is bills and gas ONLY, the 100 in cash goes to her and is for groceries FIRST, she can spend any left over however she wants. She watches some kids during the week and makes a little bit for herself as well, no more than $100 a week and it’s variable. She uses that money for whatever she wants, I don’t make her contribute that toward bills or anything, and usually she uses it for stuff for the baby or stuff for decorating the house.

I changed to this system about a year ago from a "free for all" system where all of our money went into one account and we both had cards to access it… that was a nightmare… this way has proven to be much better.

If this is the first time you’ve ever asserted dominance in the relationship though you can expect some significant resistance to any change like this…
codex
are you guys that tight ? $100 a week for groceries for 2 people + her spending money ?

Eventually.

I believe in putting up the good fight. But there is a time where you need to say, ‘I have had as much fun as I am legally allowed to have.’ and file the paperwork.

I am prone to having a bit of a spending problem too. But I find that I keep it in control when I am doing other things. When I was laid off that was the worst. Now that I am employed I am happy being distracted and not worrying about spending money.

It is good that my wife understands that I like my toys and twice a year or so she does allow me to spend on something. I am getting an Ipad2 at launch.

codex
are you guys that tight ? $100 a week for groceries for 2 people + her spending money ?

I have no idea how she grocery shops… but here is what we ate last week:

Monday: Some chicken terriyaky dish with steamed vegetables
Tuesday: Big salads with thick cut deli chicken breast, cheese, bacon bits, croutons etc… (one of my favorite meals)
Wednesday: Wendys take out
Thursday: Barbeque chicken with wild rice
Friday: Plate sized steaks with corn and potatoes
Saturday: Went out to Outback with family
Sunday: Hamburger helper lasagna trash with some awesome cheesy rice stuff

So, I have no idea how much she actually spends, I give her $100 cash a week and like I said she makes 50-100 a week babysitting in our home and she makes it work.

We aren’t well off but we aren’t struggling either, working toward getting 3 months of bills in savings at the moment, still paying off student loans and other old debt as well.
Your wife cooked all that?

Wish my wife would cook like that

I have a theory with human relations and stuff like this.

Ok, you make a convincing argument that this thing is pretty much one sided. I buy into it. I think everyone else in this thread buys into it.

I think that if you go to her and you are all like, ‘Hey your spending is destroying us. We need to fix this.’. She is going to hear ‘I am doing things correctly, this is all your fault.’.

~face it, the words the come out of a mans mouth are never the words that enter a womans brain~

I think you would have a better chance of sucess is you could word it and come about it in a fashion that made it look like this is a problem that both of you needed to work on solving.

An example would be going to a financial counselor. You walk in, lay all your finances in front of the person and agree to do what they suggest. You need to work very hard on avoiding the situation where she is being cast in the light of being at fault.

Your wife cooked all that?

Wish my wife would cook like that

My theory is she is fattening me up to eat me like hansel and gretel… she makes meals for 4 for the two of us and I have some OCD thing about wasting food

I have a theory with human relations and stuff like this.

Ok, you make a convincing argument that this thing is pretty much one sided. I buy into it. I think everyone else in this thread buys into it.

I think that if you go to her and you are all like, ‘Hey your spending is destroying us. We need to fix this.’. She is going to hear ‘I am doing things correctly, this is all your fault.’.

~face it, the words the come out of a mans mouth are never the words that enter a womans brain~

I think you would have a better chance of sucess is you could word it and come about it in a fashion that made it look like this is a problem that both of you needed to work on solving.

An example would be going to a financial counselor. You walk in, lay all your finances in front of the person and agree to do what they suggest. You need to work very hard on avoiding the situation where she is being cast in the light of being at fault.

This is all extremely true, TS should proceed with caution.

codex
are you guys that tight ? $100 a week for groceries for 2 people + her spending money ?

Better yet if you can find a woman financial counselor (think Suzie Orman).

codex
are you guys that tight ? $100 a week for groceries for 2 people + her spending money ?

$100/wk for a couple seems pretty reasonable, considering some things can spill over in weeks

(think lesbian)
One thing you can try is to make money from her hobby, if she does sawing try selling some of the sawing items, you can recuperate the cost that she spend on it. Giver her the profit and you take back the money she spend on supplies. This way it teaches her how to manage money.

So now his girl is a lumberjack?

What ever helps pay the bill bro

Sawing

My point precisely.
Just remove her access to the money.
I am still interested in if she has a job or if she just spends money because she is bored and has no value of it

Lol, my ex-wife had this problem. So glad I’m rid of that woman.
The one who is most responsible with money should do all the finances.

In other words all access to money needs to go via you. You decide how much household money she gets, and she will need to learn how to use it, and be very strict. Dont give her any more then like 200 dollar a month or so. If she complains point out the debts and simply say she doesn’t know how to deal with money, and thats why she gets 200 dollar max to learn how to use. You need to show her how to be responsible.
Cut her ass off. Had that problem before, we go thru it, and now it is fine.
please let me know if you find a solution to this.. I would like help also.

please let me know if you find a solution to this.. I would like help also.

This is just dreadfull. Cut off the wife from having ‘any’ access to money. All the money MUST <<–read that again , go thru your handling only. She must only be allowed to have access to a small amount of household money she gets from you. Just say, this is all you get and you have to do it with this. Let her ‘learn’ how to deal with money and controlling and preventing her spending habits making you go into bankrupcy. Also go along with her and check any purchase that she makes. Only thru discipline,discipline,discipline can they learn how to keep their purchases at bay.

Meanwhile contact the people who you own money. Explain the problem to them, say how you changed the situation that the money only goes via your wallet from now on, but that you would like to discuss a payback plan to the people who you owe that money to.

The household finances must ALWAYS be at check and balanced!
If she doesn’t work and doesn’t want to work, then don’t give her access to your funds. If she can’t stop acting like a teenage girl on her sweet sixteen then start treating her like one, give her a certain allowance each month after your bills are paid, but don’t let her have access to your funds. It may seem harsh and she might throw a hissy fit but when it comes down to it you really don’t have any other choice. If she can’t be responsible with your money then simply cut her off from access to your funds and show her that she needs to act responsibly if she wants to be treated as such.

please let me know if you find a solution to this.. I would like help also.

Come on don’t act like you don’t already know the solution (hint: it’s already been laid out in this thread.) You just don’t have the balls to implement the solution. We can’t really help you with that.

Meanwhile contact the people who you own money. Explain the problem to them, say how you changed the situation that the money only goes via your wallet from now on, but that you would like to discuss a payback plan to the people who you owe that money to.

The household finances must ALWAYS be at check and balanced!

It’s tough when they are used to spending unlimited. I guess I will have to call amex to lower the limit per month.

It’s an amex card, which has to get paid in full every month I guess it’s already like cash because you can’t carry a balance.
yeah bro its really not that hard to make a budget and stick to it

Its a lot harder for a lot of people then you think, there’s people out there who earn a lot of money, but still end up in debt. Its not always about how much you earn, but how much you have left in the end. People who have their finances in control might have a hard time understanding people who don’t have their spending under control.
I used to not have my spending under control, along with my wifes spending while not working. Cut her off, quit doing what you do, IT IS that easy.

it’s not hard to say NO.

no its not

i used to be one of those people who spent all their money, didn’t have a budget and struggled to pay bills

its as easy as making a decision and sticking to it

if you don’t have mental toughness you have to develop it

restating the failure is not a justification for the failure

its a choice we make every day. stay the same and experience financial turmoil or change and eventually experience financial calm
i’ve got $200 in my wallet and i know i can spend it on whatever i want because i have a budget

the budget removes the uncertainty if you develop the discipline to use it
i was never "great" with money, but when i started working in the mortgage biz, i get to see people’s detailed financials every day. when people come to meet with me, and they are in their late 40′s, have $300 in a checking account, and $10k+ in credit card debt with $800+/mo. in combined car payments, it makes me want to jump across my desk, grab them by the neck and scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" somehow you’ve got to make them see the big picture. figure out where you want to be in 5, 10, 20+ years, and what you can do now to make sure you get there.
Like others have said, it’s cut and dried. You need to be a man and put your foot down. "We have this much money to spend after the bills are paid; I get half and you get half. If you want more, you will go out and get a job like the grown woman you are." And then stand firm, no matter what shit she pulls. Don’t act pussywhipped like she’ll leave you if you get on her case for bad behavior, because most women will seriously disrespect you for doing that.

Most women don’t want a man who treats them like a princess, most women want a man who treats them a little better than he treats everyone else in the world. Simply by giving her spending money you are already doing that.

no its not

i used to be one of those people who spent all their money, didn’t have a budget and struggled to pay bills

its as easy as making a decision and sticking to it

if you don’t have mental toughness you have to develop it

restating the failure is not a justification for the failure

its a choice we make every day. stay the same and experience financial turmoil or change and eventually experience financial calm

Alright let me restate it then, how did you do it, so that we can teach others how you did it. I am in for anything that can saves people’s financial situation.
I have a buddy who’s wife was a spending freak. She’d accept every pre-approved credit card that came in the mail. It got so bad, he applied for a home equity loan to pay all their debt and thought he was through, when the stupid bitch came into the living room and said; what about these? And had two handfuls of new cards he didn’t know she had with balance due in the thousands that they no longer had access to.

He found out she had put him on every single card as a co-signer, which he didn’t know until he found where she hid all the bills and called each creditor to ask them to cut off the card and stop her ability to spend them into the poor house. They said they couldn’t, because she was the primary on the card, she had to make the request. Then come to find out, he was committed to her debts because she had put him on her cards, without his knowledge. Which should be wholly illegal.

He’s taken her cards before and cut them up, but when new pre-approves comes in the mail, because her meager part time work allows her to always beat him to the home mailbox, she just racks up more cards and more debt. Besides killing her, the other two options were her involuntary committal or divorce. He chose the later and saved himself a fortune.

Ripper, your woman is mentally ill!

A stable mind doesn’t resort to what she does in spending habits, without respect for your desire that she stop. Divorce is extreme, but consider that when you tell yourself you can’t do that because you love her that you need to reword that to take into account the fact she doesn’t love you. She loves things. Preface the excuse that you love her using a sentence that describes everything she’s doing to the both of you.

I love her because she… spends me into the poor house.

I love her because… she doesn’t respect me enough to stop spending money we do not have, so that I work myself to death for nothing but creditors benefit.

I love her because…

When the list is long, you’ll realize what you’re living with. And then you’ll have to take account of what your worth and if that entails living the rest of your life with someone that will break you of every penny you have or shall ever hope to make.

Her father, who’s known her longer than you have, knows what she is. When he tells you what she is, believe him. And then choose!I have a buddy who’s wife was a spending freak. She’d accept every pre-approved credit card that came in the mail. It got so bad, he applied for a home equity loan to pay all their debt and thought he was through, when the stupid bitch came into the living room and said; what about these? And had two handfuls of new cards he didn’t know she had with balance due in the thousands that they no longer had access to. He found out she had put him on every single card as a co-signer, which he didn’t know until he found where she hid all the bills and called each creditor to ask them to cut off the card and stop her ability to spend them into the poor house. They said they couldn’t, because she was the primary on the card, she had to make the request.

Then come to find out, he was committed to her debts because she had put him on her cards, without his knowledge. Which should be wholly illegal. He’s taken her cards before and cut them up, but when new pre-approved cards comes in the mail, because her meager part time work allows her to always beat him to the home mailbox, she just racks up more cards and more debt. Besides killing her, the other two options were her involuntary committal or divorce. He chose the later and saved himself a fortune.

Ripper, your woman is mentally ill!

A stable mind doesn’t resort to what she does in spending habits, without respect for your desire that she stop. Divorce is extreme, but consider that when you tell yourself you can’t do that because you love her that you need to reword that to take into account the fact she doesn’t love you. She loves things.

Preface the excuse that you love her using a sentence that describes everything she’s doing to the both of you. I love her because she… spends me into the poor house. I love her because… she doesn’t respect me enough to stop spending money we do not have, so that I work myself to death for nothing but creditors benefit. I love her because…

When the list is long, you’ll realize what you’re living with. And then you’ll have to take account of what you’re worth and if that entails living the rest of your life with someone that will break you of every penny you have or shall ever hope to make.

Her father, who’s known her longer than you have, knows what she is. When he tells you what she is, believe him. And then choose!
Everybody knows how to fix the problem, not everybody has the balls to actually do it. When your wife is used to spending money, cutting her off will eventually lead to a divorce since she will start looking for a man who won’t do that. Women can’t live without buying things, they need it as much as we all need air to breath. The reason husbands are not doing anything is that subconsciously they know their wifes will leave them, so they are postponing the inevitable, to be with the person they love a little bit longer hoping that somehow, someday, maybe this problem will go away.

obviously she will have money to buy what she needs, so she will be buying things

its up to her to learn to find the thrill of buying necessities instead of unnecessary luxury items

i would argue that a woman isn’t going to stay with a man she doesn’t respect, and its hard for her to respect a man who allows her to make financial decisions that lead to hardship for the family (just because he’s afraid of losing her)

people talk about making budgets, but how many actually make one on a regular basis?

i’m not a financial genius, so my approach to making a budget may be laughable. however, it works:

1. get a calendar

2. gather all the bills

3. i use a notebook. in the notebook i write out like 3 months worth of calendars. i do this on the left side (like one month on top, then the next below, and the next one below that one)

4. on the right side, i write down each paydate and the amount i estimate will be coming in

5. below that, i write down the date and amount of all the bills that are going out

my wife and i get paid weekly and for me its easier to budget each week. for most people budgeting by the month will be better

6. estimate how much money you need for necessities that are not bills (groceries/food, gasoline, etc. anything you buy on a regular basis that you have to buy. i wish my wife didn’t smoke but i still have to budget $28 a week for her cigarettes)

7. work the budget. get out the calculator and starting adding the income and subtracting the bills and necessities. if you’ve never had a budget, it will take some time to figure out what’s going on and if your estimates are close enough.

I would recommend doing this on your own without her knowing about it initially. Be as thorough as possible. You want to wrack your brain and account for every possibility of that will need to be purchased.

Do the budget initially without judgement. If you spend $100 per week on lattes, put that in the budget. Later on you can figure out if that’s something that has a place in your budget. The worst thing you can do is know you spend $100 a week on lattes but ignore it in the budget because it seems so silly.

We want hard numbers and facts in the budget. There’s no place for emotion.

Then after you have the budget in hand sit down with your wife and explain to her that you are putting the family on a budget and it has to be adhered to.

Obviously she is going to push back a lot in the beginning. You have to figure out a way to make sure she isn’t physically able to exceed the budget. So obviously she can’t have credit cards, checks, or a debit card.

Consequently, we use cash. In the beginning, I gave her enough cash each day to cover her budgeted expenses. Over time, she has gotten good enough that I give her the cash for the whole week. If she spends all the cash and still needs something, too bad. That way she has to face the consequences of her actions.

We’ve been on this system consistently for over 6 months now.

Occasionally, she pushes back on me and gets frustrated with the system and I just tell her that its the only way I know how to do it and if she wants to spend her free time on financial planning and budgeting she’s welcome to take it over for me because I’d rather not do it either. But I’ve only had to tell her that when she gets really insistent.

Usually when she asks questions I just say "there’s the budget over there, take a look if you have any questions."

She hasn’t looked at it even once. Occasionally if something is important I’ll show it her but she has zero interest in it. I think her seeing me work on the budget regularly is enough for her to know its being taken care of.

I do something similar but I don’t need to do it monthly, and I use a spreadsheet rather than a notebook.

Basically we’ve figured out our essentials for the year and we "deposit" money into "fake" accounts on a spreadsheet each month. There’s really only one account in the bank, but we use the spreadsheet to reconcile money and expenses.

For example, I need $1200/year for oil so every month I "deposit" $100 in the spreadsheet oil account. Then when Oct rolls around I have $1200 to pre-buy oil.

Same for my car payments, mortgage, etc. I’ve posted this a few times here…the best part is I paid cash for my car(s) when I bought them, so the payments I’m making are really to myself. Then when I want/need a new car, I sell my car and have the payments I made to myself to throw in the pile so I can buy my next car for cash.

It’s a fantastic system because it’s built-in savings…….my wife’s company went under a few years ago, so I just stopped making the virtual payments for the cars and put it toward what we used to use her check for.
giving it a go this month and see what happens. we are behind on 2 bills im paying everything off this friday when i get paid and we will be caught up. I cut up her debit card and she is not getting a new one. Im giving her 20 dollars a week in spending money for soda, snacks and any misc B.S. she wants instead of 200 a month.

1. Bills get paid first
2. Gas in the cars
3. Groceries get done

Shes been needing jeans and close and all of this other shit but she hasnt gotten them because she has been blowing her money on other things. IE. building a chicken coop for her friend. So now she wants clothes and cant afford them and tried to get angry with me because there was no money. I am no longer putting up with this. She needs to take accountability for her spending and figure out the god damn difference between want and NEED. You dont need to eat out every day and spend 12 bucks on some random B.S. you dont need to spend 10 dollars at the shoppete for coffee and random crap.
I’m in a similar situation, except she’s not my wife (yet). I love her to death but she has no concept of how to handle money. Part of the problem is she hasn’t had anyone around her in her life to help her understand it. The answer to a lot of problems has just been "don’t pay it". I don’t agree with this method at all and it’s very frustrating to say the least.

I’ve spent a lot of time helping her get her finances straight and I feel like it’s pointless.
im in the same position as you gigahurtz but I have to strong arm her into this one. My goal is to have my capital one card paid off and closed within 4 months and from there close out my bloomindales and chase cards.
i can’t ever imagine being with someone like this. i don’t care how much i loved them, this is such an epic disrespect for the well being of the couple that i would send them packing. it sounds like being more of a babysitter than a husband. i mean, have these women seriously never had a job in their lives??

It’s not women, it’s people. People need novelty in their lives. Women tend to be more susceptible to compulsive buying, both because they’re more likely to be stuck at home all day and because they’re instinctively more responsive to social suggestion, but it’s not like it’s impossible for a woman to resist buying expensive things. My best female friends are ones who consider a shopping spree to be buying more than one book at the bookstore.

Maybe the TS keeps his wife as a pet instead of treating her like a grownup. That could certainly cause problems.
Maybe you could have her do what I do, I buy and sell phones off of craigslist. It gives me something to mess with so I dont ALWAYS have to buy new things and then I sell them and make a small profit. It gives me a way to buy things but I also make money and have fun doing it.
My wife has a spending problem. We just recently started moving all but ~75 a week into my account. Works so far.

Shes been needing jeans and close and all of this other shit but she hasnt gotten them because she has been blowing her money on other things. IE. building a chicken coop for her friend. So now she wants clothes and cant afford them and tried to get angry with me because there was no money. I am no longer putting up with this. She needs to take accountability for her spending and figure out the god damn difference between want and NEED. You dont need to eat out every day and spend 12 bucks on some random B.S. you dont need to spend 10 dollars at the shoppete for coffee and random crap.

good job. stick to your guns. she’s gonna test you several times to see if you will backup your words with action

one point i would like to stress is "now she wants clothes and can’t afford them"

she/the two of you couldn’t afford the clothes BEFORE you put your foot down. having the money in hand is not the same as being able to afford something and that’s why you’ve had problems paying the bills is because the bill money got spent on something that you couldn’t afford

but you can’t get to the end of the month and the electric bill is due and just say "oh well we can’t afford electricity"

the shit that’s gotta be paid has to be taken care of first. maybe you can help her to understand that over time. her emotions about buying clothes are literally irrelevant with respect to the fact that the rent, utilities, etc. must be paid every month in order to have a place to live and food to eat

"boo hoo i want clothes and coffee"

"bitch who gives a fuck what you want, what good is that shit without a place to live?"
It makes me feel good about getting my wife turned around from her wreckless spending. She also never had someone to let her know not to do it. Her mom did it, and her dad alowed her mom to. So, I guess she thought she was going to, but when she fucked up my credit, her dad had the fucking nerve to say it happens and just work thru it. I politely told her in front of him that if she didn’t stop it right then, she was living with him again, and not me.

I allow my wife to do what she wants when we can afford it, as would anyone. I have hobbies I like to do, but I work extra job(s) for them.

I also have friends that when they do their hobbies, their wives want the samwe amoubnt of money from them that they are spending doing their hobbies. And another whose wife has told me before she loves when her husband goes hunting cause she can go shopping.

Shit like that pisses me off. But, I let them just sit there and be miserable.

giving it a go this month and see what happens. we are behind on 2 bills im paying everything off this friday when i get paid and we will be caught up. I cut up her debit card and she is not getting a new one. Im giving her 20 dollars a week in spending money for soda, snacks and any misc B.S. she wants instead of 200 a month.

1. Bills get paid first
2. Gas in the cars
3. Groceries get done

Shes been needing jeans and close and all of this other shit but she hasnt gotten them because she has been blowing her money on other things. IE. building a chicken coop for her friend. So now she wants clothes and cant afford them and tried to get angry with me because there was no money. I am no longer putting up with this. She needs to take accountability for her spending and figure out the god damn difference between want and NEED. You dont need to eat out every day and spend 12 bucks on some random B.S. you dont need to spend 10 dollars at the shoppete for coffee and random crap.

LIKE A BAUCE

keep at it…get all your shit paid off. it will be a good feeling once you start being able to SAVE money and see it growing in an account. if she gives you any lip, RNC her till she passes out, then put her on the couch, and when she comes to, just pretend like nothing happened.

I’m in a similar situation, except she’s not my wife (yet). I love her to death but she has no concept of how to handle money. Part of the problem is she hasn’t had anyone around her in her life to help her understand it. The answer to a lot of problems has just been "don’t pay it". I don’t agree with this method at all and it’s very frustrating to say the least.

I’ve spent a lot of time helping her get her finances straight and I feel like it’s pointless.

What’s a real trip is, and I’m going through this in my own way but not related to a financial bit, very often our lovers show us what we’re going to have to put up with if we ever take the relationship to the next level, marriage, and yet because we say we love them we can overlook what bugs us when at that point it’s easier to get out of the relationship than it is to divorce later.

The biggest mistake we can make is to say, oh they’ll change!
No, no they won’t. They are who they are and they were that person long before we met them. They became who they are through a process and our meeting them isn’t going to magically change that.

If there’s something about your girlfriend (or boyfriend) that you just can’t bear now, it’s only going to get more dire when you get married. Because when you get married, you’re contracted as property to one another. Everything she/he does, becomes mutual responsibility.

And depending on what State we’re living in if we do decide to divorce, and it’s always a wise choice to research this before getting married, can make for hell to pay in dividing up assets and very importantly, liability for debts.

It’s not our job to fix someone. If we love them, they shouldn’t be something we have to change in order to love what we think is our ideal mate.Rather, it’s better to let them go and wait to find what is the ideal, that is out there. But we’ll miss meeting them, we’ll lose that opportunity, if we waste our time and energy trying to fix someone that was already broken before we ever knew their name.
first week of seperate bills working out OK she bought a 2 tb drive for some god damned reason and has 60 bucks to get her by till the 15th. I still have to pay one more bill off this pay check and we have groceries and gas. We are good to go for this week but we will see how long it lasts till she runs out of money.
$60 till the 15th?

i’d wager she runs out by next friday at the latest

can she still return the hard drive?

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’ The girl
said, ‘NO!’ and the guy rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting
and played golf and tennis and drank beer and scotch and watched
sports on TV hour after hour while prone on the couch and
smoked a celebratory cigar whenever the urge hit him and had tons of
money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed gas whenever

he wished and he lived happily ever after.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’ The girl
said, ‘NO!’ and the guy rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting
and played golf and tennis and drank beer and scotch and watched
sports on TV hour after hour while prone on the couch and
smoked a celebratory cigar whenever the urge hit him and had tons of
money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed gas whenever

he wished and he lived happily ever after.

Nicely found, however its usually and he was lonely forever after.
Dave Ramsey – Financial Peace University !!! Go find it .
shes been sticking to it i get paid on the 10th she wanted me to buy her a kindle and i told her to fuck off and buy it with her own money
My wife and I are sort of in reversed roles. She doesn’t have any hobbies except writing and occasionally gaming. I’ve bought drumkits, cymbals, tech, and other stuff. About 6 months ago I started fiddling with an idea that has worked into a fairly popular shop. We always decide what to do with our money, but she is the responsible one with it. If I want it, she will get it. She has stood her ground, but not often.

When starting the project, the upfront costs were about 300.00, which isn’t chump change. She gave in. Now, I am taking myself off of our accounts, and we got a reloadable visa, where I get so much a month. We decided that I need to be more responsible. Until then she will handle the money and bills.

I still do well with the shop. The shop money is used to keep it going and investing in prototyping. She will still come home with a videogame, or something for my collection every now and then. It is hard. I can be stingy, but when I’m not the one seei g the bottom line, I cut loose.

Just a view from the other side…

good job!
Persistance is the key to success, now matter how much she begs for money, don’t give it. Its extremely important not to give in to any emotions she displays, no matter what don’t give her a dime , discipline, discipline discipline .
the only problem with not giving women money is they can then legally withhold sexual relations from their husbands

we need to bring back the chattel laws

well chick logic would be "oh well hes not giving me any money so ill be damned if im giving him any of my sweet vaginal nectar"
so she got paid an extra 200 because they were deducting 200 a month for a year because she got overpaid and never told any one so it was deducting for a year. She didnt tell me she got the extra money and blew 600 in one weekend. We paid the car payment but she attempted to buy grocieries and failed and didnt buy gas.

She fails. She will not longer have access to any money besides the one i give her. Im geting a cash card and all the money goes to my bank account.
wow, that’s some fucked up shit. Imagine how much debt she’d be in if she was on her own.

A wise choice , so quickly please go to any length to make arrangements and make it so. The faster you take it away from her, the more money you will preserve.
If you’re living paycheck to paycheck, with little to no savings you’re broke even if you don’t feel like you are.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.