Last month I moved to Dallas from Waco.

I moved to Waco a year and a half prior from Los Angeles to attend grad school. While there, I had no trouble making friends- people I was in class with clicked with me, I met their friends, life was good.

Now, I’m not finding I’m having the same luck here. Part of the issue is my job; I’m a logistics manager for a large retail company, and have to be at work 5 days a week at 3:30am so we can get the truck unloaded by opening. I get home about 2:30 in the afternoon, exhausted as hell. I have to get to bed by 8 in order to make it to work the next day.

Needless to say this has made it difficult to meet people- plus I’m not exactly a pro at meeting new friends in random places like bars and stuff. I tend to feel like I’m being judged for being there alone and that most people won’t give a shit who I am if I try to engage.

All my friends back home and in Waco were met through friends of a friend, or through organized activities- school, Boy Scouts, etc.

I’ve met a few people at work but I get the impression that most people who work for this company don’t hang out together. So I’m somewhat afraid to initiate that for fear of violating some sort of unspoken rule and getting in trouble/jeapordizing my career.

I’ve gotta work every other weekend. The two I’ve been off thus far I got out of town to see people I know. I have to work this weekend, but I’m off next weekend and I’m making myself stay in Dallas to try and meet some new friends. So what the hell should I be doing to get some friends here. The loneliness is really starting to get to me.

Other info:
26
Girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me back in May because she wanted me to move back to CA
Have had a fairly fucked up time since then with some female friends, has eroded the crap out of my confidence.
Meetup.com perhaps? That’s how I was meeting ppl in Dallas?
You work early morning flow at Target after going to grad school?

Ugh. Thanks for hitting one of my depression triggers.

I hate hearing that. It really makes me hate my job, despite the fact that I don’t mind the work I’m doing.

I didn’t go to grad school intending to do this. Target was the only company that offered me an internship. I looked around for another job after the internship because I didn’t want to do it, but the offer they gave me came with decent pay and the opportunity to promote to running a store after a year- typically that takes 3 years.
I wasn’t intending to criticize, just wondering what the deal was… I knew you were talking about Target because I worked the same position while I went to school…
I kinda figured since you know the lingo.

What was your position? I’m an etl.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

Not everyone can have everything in the world at the same time.

If you do not have friends right now, that is OK.

I think your main priority should be making sure you are well rested for work and trying to find a new job that allows you to have more freedom.

In the mean time, that is a great place to learn how to live your life while at work. People just write off a third of their lives "I hate my work".
5 years is a long time. Most of us don’t properly deal with our feelings. Take it easy bro.

I don’t feel like its ok to not have friends here. I feel pretty forever alone whenever I get home from work. You think I should just bail town when I can to see friends down in Waco/get them to come up here when I’m off instead of focusing on finding new friends?

And as far as looking for the new job… its only been a month, I feel like I need to give this more of a chance before resorting to this. If I can get through this year it means a promotion with a much better schedule and nearly double my salary.
Forever Patron.

I guess I’m lucky to still have some nearby friends at the HHH house. Miss your silly ass though. Funny thing is, and it has been mentioned a couple times, is that I’ve hung out with Steve more often than those guys and he lives 350 miles away.

Hard to find good help these days.
You have two choices: stick to your current path or forge a new path.

I recommend to follow your path with conviction. You’re going to have to deal with your feelings of loneliness and depression. Perhaps now is the time to put in the work to eliminate those feelings. Don’t be deceived, you will be rewarded for however much you work on yourself, so work hard.

Learn how to be more content and how to be a friend to yourself. If you become a friend to yourself then friendship with others becomes much more worthwhile and beneficial for everyone. This is serious advice.
Join a sports league.

I moved 5 times in 6 years and always found a league I could play in. I just went and sIgned up as a single and was put on a "house" team. I’m pretty good, so before the end of that session I’d usually get asked to play next session on an established team. That means immediate acquaintances, and from there it’s a short hop to friends.
Gotta move out of your comfort zone. I moved to a new city after college where I only knew one person. Starting hanging out with a few people from work, who introduced me to their friends, etc. Forging close friendships takes years, but you have to start by talking to people and expressing an interest in their lives.

Eventually I realized that nearly everyone in my peer group was in the same situation. Single, lives alone, and generally stressed out about weekend plans and loneliness. Everyone wants to be liked, and everyone enjoys making new friends, so as long as you’re not too socially awkward, just start talking to people and you’ll find some shared interests.

Any guys at work you get along with? Just say "hey man we should grab a beer after work" or something along those lines.

In many ways, meeting new friends is harder than dating because at least with dating women, your intentions are pretty much understood.

Good luck. Also (and I posted this a few times before) read the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" It’s good for helping get you out of your comfort zone.
and on meetup.com. I know guys who are in weekly poker games from that site. You really just need to make a few contacts and then push yourself to the point of inviting people to hang out outside of the organized group.

I actually read that in my Organizational Behavior class last year. Still have it. Maybe I’ll review it.
Some changes I’ve made the past few days that I think are helping alot.

Told the ex g/f to stop talking to me. Can’t be her friend yet. Deleted her #, blocked her on every form of messenger.

Decided I’m staying in Dallas next weekend to meet some people. Hoping to get together with OT’s Dallas crew sometime this week.
I know exactly how you feel. When I moved to Chicago I had a roommate for 6 months and really only hung out with him. Then he got married and I got my own place and was kind of thrown out there. I definitely went through some periods of loneliness – weekends especially, and still do.

I met some friends through work and hung out with them pretty much every weekend, then into a couple serious relationships with girls and lost touch with my friends. Three years later, I’ve reconnected with those friends and we hang out all the time now, with a much bigger group of people – and a lot of it is because I take the initiative to ask what they’re up to for the weekend.

Being your own best friend helps, but as long as you’re somewhat normal and not annoying, people like having friends.
You need to make friends in the area…or at least try. I moved away from my college town after college and wasn’t very happy with it or my job. I only lasted 9 months because I was always driving back to my college town…but at least I had a super cool roomie.

It will make things more manageable if you try to make friends and you’re young enough to make it happen. The sports team thing is a great idea…one of my friends has a ton of friends from her adult soccer league.

This. Sports is a great way to meet new people… you don’t necessarily have to be talented in anything specific, either. Just go find an amateur club that gets together once or twice a week (once on a weekend would be great in your case).

That’s already been answered, but yes.

My apartment community has a country club that has some leagues, once the weather gets better I plan to participate. Too damn cold right now.
Off work afternoons? Learn to golf. Find people to golf with. Good way to make business connections, too.

sorry, i didn’t read the whole thread. I too, completed the internship with target- etl replenishment overnight here.

Change job, get a job that will get you a life as well. Make sure the new job isn’t a crappy one either, if so change again and again up to the point that you find what you’ve been looking for in life.
Went out to a young professional’s happy hour last night, met some people.

Feels good man.
I went and got my MBA.

Now, its going better.

I’ve cut communication with my ex, put some distance on some friends from school who were depression triggers, and gone out a few times.

My work schedule still sucks, and will for a while, but now that I’m out of training and actually doing work, the days go much faster and I have less time to sit and feel sorry for myself.

Even went out on a date (and got laid) last week.

So yeah, things are going better. Still not where I want them, but I don’t think about giving up like I did in January.

right on, man!
Sorry things are crappy, bro. Let’s do lunch when you’re in town again.

I look forward to it!
Feeling down again the past few days.

Feel like I’m getting hammered at work over things that weren’t working before I got there, and I can’t fix them any faster than I’m trying due to corporate procedures. I don’t like getting bitched out about payroll every day- if I’m doing bad, just write me up, don’t badger me.

Also been thinking about my ex alot lately… and my life in general before grad school. Was it perfect? no. But I was happier back then, had friends back then, and I’m missing it more than I ever have before. I feel like moving back to LA and going back to my old life is admitting failure, but maybe its what I need to do?
nah, keep going. think you’re right about cuttiing the ex out. dealing with their breadcrumbs just plain sucks when you’re trying to move on.
I dont post her much at all obviously but I have been in your situation before. I moved to Nashville from a small town several hours away when I was 19 and I only knew 1 person down here (my gf of 5 years) after about 6 months of living down here we broke up and I was pretty much on my own.

I made 1 friend at work who introduced me to his friends and now I have a group of friends that I absolutely love and couldnt ask more out of. The group of friends that I am in now have pretty much known each other since elementary school and luckily they took me in and you really couldnt tell that I have only known them for about 4 years and most of them have known each other for 15+ years.

But it took almost a year and a half or so of me living down here before I found that group of friends that I really got along with and clicked with. Just gotta give it time and hang in there.
When I moved to SF I knew no one, met up with SF Crew and now were pretty good buds

Did you ever hang out with Dallas crew?
Well since you mentioned grad school I am going to assume you are mid 20s or older.

I would say fix yourself first….meaning
If your main annoyance is work, then change it: request a different schedule or hours or just suck it up and accept it IF it falls in line with your 5 year plan.
If none of these satisfy it and the root of the problem is the job itself, then do whatever you have to do and find another one. This isnt an excuse to run back to your ex and Cali neither because you will be making another thread like this in 6 months.

Assuming you fall into the age category from above, its time to you start finding your own path man and break from that college life mentality. Get several hobbies that you can pursue at different times of the year. Bottom line is to be content with yourself even if you were drilling for oil on the Kamchakta peninsula. You cant let your emotions rely that deeply on others or you will be in for a lifetime of disappointment and depression.

I am stuck here in Iraq for the next 9 months. There isnt a moment that goes by I dont miss my wife and daughter, but if you walked up to me right now you would never suspect that I would rather be at home with them. My wife on the otherhand has let our marriage define her, so she feels lost and mostly depresssed in my absence and that is no way to live. I love my wife to death but she has to find her own path as well.
Had plenty of hobbies… lost them all when I moved here because of financial and geographical regions.

Scuba diving, nope, nowhere to do it in Dallas
4 Wheeling, sold my Jeep trying to be a responsible grown up and used the money to pay off my Accord
Boating, don’t have access to a boat like I used to and don’t have money to buy one.

Yes I have met up and hung out with Dallas crew, but considering my work schedule doesn’t allow me to get together with them that much, I don’t really feel like part of the group.

My company discourages us from hanging out together outside of work, so nobody really does.

I swear I’m the dumbest smart person I know. I somehow manage to make the wrong decision on everything I do in life in an attempt to get what I want and nothing ever works out the way I want it to. Maybe I expect too much out of life?

All I know is everything sucks.
what kind of job discourages coworkers from hanging out…sounds like they dont want collusion and you all realizing that place sucks
seems like your job is still the source of your unhappiness
well, i’m now the etl log for a 4am process at a pfresh remodel store. Getting to work at 3am is hard, going to sleep early isn’t fun. if you need to partner with someone who understands what you’re going through at work… email me.
Looking for new jobs.

I hate job searching. Nothing makes me feel more inferior, inadequate, and like I don’t have anything an employer wants.

Fuck

What’s up man? I live about 20 minutes north of Dallas, just moved here few months ago by myself. I know the feeling.
I was going to suggest meetup.com but I see that it has already een suggested.
I joined a few metup group and once I had been to a few meetings I picked out someone I wanted to be pals with and asked them out for a cupcake and tea. This is probably not the kind of friend-date you want to go on, but if you can think of something you like to do that you would like company for, just ask someone in the group.
I see that you are not available in the evenings or every other weekend. There are plenty of groups that meet on the weekends and it would be okay for you to go to every other meeting. There are probably also groups that meet in the afternoons.
Another way I met people in my neighborhood was by joining a knitting group at a local coffee shop. Again, maybe not the best way for you but it’s always been about joining a group for me so maybe that will work for you too.

Related posts:

1. A City Is Not A Tree No, really. A City Is Not A Tree. Really. DryerLint pointed this one out – probably in the hope that...
2. do any of you guys actually like everyone in your circle of friends? i hate half of them, which is why i’m no longer in a circle of friends. when i hung out...
3. well damn i need to make some friends, don’t i. You know I’ve never really gone out to score friends. I’ve gone out to score make-outs and sometimes to score...
4. One of my best friends… decided to drop me out of their life tonight. I have no idea why…over the past several months I’ve noticed...
5. ok so im in love with my friends girlfriend this shit sucks so bad. me and her dated for just under a year and only broke up because i...