A: i am a seeker of the Eckhart tolle / buddhist way towards enlightenment. i know after this post i shall be able to center myself.

B: i feel like my friends dont give a shit about me. I feel left out of alot of things regarding my life situations.

C: I just got out of an unhealthy relationship with an acoholic/pothead. Its not too bad, yet getting out of this identification with her is a struggle.

I guess my question is THAT i try to be social with friends and others. I try to make that reach for a relationship with friends. Yet, i dont feel that same reach back.

I know partly this is my fault because of my past ex relationship , where i would devote most time with her rather than my friends, ALTHOUGH during that time no one reached out to me for companionship (ie older well known friends)

i will continue to meditate.

just wanted to share my life situation…

sorry it was long

AIM=biozepox ( if you want )
How exactly are you "reaching out" for friendship? I mean, in what ways are you trying to be social?

Plus, I’ll tell you, that the religious thing tends to turn people off. Not that you shouldn’t be religious (in fact, I embrace some buddhist principles myself and also embrace the tao and even some christian stuff). But in our society you gotta be careful how you present your religious nature or people will feel threatened by it. I mean if you are always talking about this kind of shit, people get turned off to it.

the other side of the story, though, is to find you a group who has the same religious beliefs as you do and start doing things with them. that automatically removes the whole "threatening relgious nut" thing fromt he situation so that you can focus on the relationships at hand.

I know it’s sick that our society has painted religion in such a light, but it need only be an obstacle with which you work around and not a complete turn off.

Pick up a copy of Dale Carnegie’s "How to Win friends and influence people" and give it a read. There’s some good tips in there for making friends and being social as well.
Find new friends. Whether you want to realize it or not you probably ignored the shit out of them when you were with your ex and cut ties and trust with them.

PS-In this thread alone you were begging people to pay attention to you and answer. I’m willing to bet (and I’m sure you’ll defend yourself and/or say you were kidding) you are that clingy in real life and most people can sense that sort of annoying desperation.
Please have some patience, the Asylum isn’t the main forum where you’ll get 25 replies of zero content within 2 minutes.

I personally have had to come to terms with such a situation as yours as following.

People are leechers, they just suck dry in order to forfill their own needs. This is something you need to come to terms with in two ways.

A. Not expecting something back from anyone. Basically you as a bhuddist have to stand above this materialistical world by pursuing the meaning of life, which is to love and help other people unconditionally. So don’t give something to someone with the intention of getting it back, because since 99% of earths people can only leech, if you give something with your heart, then that joy of giving must be also your happyness that you receive in return. That’s important i suggest you remember that.

B. Second, i’ve learned that if you therefore want to be with someone there’s a price to pay. Before as a leecher i expected everyone to just ‘give me love, give me attention, give me what i need’ , now more mature i have come to terms with ‘ you have to pay something, in trade for some companionship’

Lets give a bhuddist example of which i just thought off:

A man is lonely, if only the birds in the sky would come to him to accompany him. But no matter how much the man jumped or beckoned the birds would never pay him any attention. However when he threw a lot of bread on the ground, thousands of birds came. The man was rewarded with company, and the birds where rewarded with bread. So the bread was the price the man had to pay.

But think about it what a fucking birds they are, they only would give him attention if he would give him something what they need. So in other words, to be alive instead of dead, you need to feed the birds bread.
I went through this several times. I remember one of the only times I’ve ever cried as an adult was when I was with my girlfriend (at the time) a few years ago and I was frustrated because there were so many instances where I was giving people advice on their relationships or life problems and providing a shoulder to cry on for handfuls of friends. Then when I ran into some hard times I did not get the same love and care in return.

This hurt me a lot but it made me realize that I can’t be like them, and that I need to take care of my own problems by actively seeking solutions. If I seek a shoulder to cry on, maybe someone like me will come along to provide comfort… but is that really what I want? I think self-comforting is a valuable trait to possess even if it’s less satisfying in the short-run… You simply cannot rely on other people because most people are not that understanding.

Like Darketernal said, you cannot expect anything from anyone. If I give advice or comfort I don’t really plan on getting it back, I just do it because that’s the kind of person I am and it actually gives me gratification to see someone feel better through providing them with a logical explanation or solution… I like to uplift people when I can because it makes me feel better as well. Plus, I believe in karma to some extent… The more good I do, the more I recognize the positive things in life.

im just used to the main forum, im not that clingy

oh i agree… i do, do that sometimes. but not very much and only with close friends who are on the same path

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