So I’ve never kissed a girl or had sex (obv lol) at the age of 21. I’m not a social recluse or anything. I live with two fraternity brothers at school, am friends with the two biggest party frats on campus so I get into all their parties. After freshman year it’s really hard for guys to get in so this is pretty rare. I have female friends, I can talk to them easily, even new girls I meet, I can make them laugh. I try to be confident but somehow it’s just "never happened." I’ve never really tried either because there just never seems to be an opportunity. I guess I could start by getting a date but when I try that I always get shot down, sometimes very roughly too.

So what the fuck do I do? I honestly have no idea. I’m not "bad" looking but not good looking either. Girls call me cute but I think that’s only because of my baby face (adorable describes me better than cute ). It gets worse every year since I feel even more pressure. My 21st bday sucked since all I could obsess about was this issue and how it’s never happened in 21 years. HOW? Hell, girls HAVE kissed me on the cheek (friends when they’re VERY drunk) but the lips just never happen. I go to parties, get drunk, try to dance with girls, never works. Try to ask some out outside of a party, never works. What the fuck am I doing wrong?
Well a couple of things.

Rarely do you get the perfect moment for a kiss. In fact sometimes it’s best to be spontaneous with a kiss, making it more special. Usually if you ask a girl out and she’s having fun and laughing, it’s safe to make a move for the kiss. I would definitely recommend making that move before the door at the end of the night because being so cliche, it can come off awkward (for me at least). Don’t be afraid of getting turned down but don’t pull it on every girl that talks to you.. She has to noticeably be into you.

Honestly, if I were in your position… I would ask my close female friends if they could help me out. Tell them you’ve never hooked up with someone before. Maybe if they find you attractive and harmless enough, they might oblige. Just ask as a friend though, super casually. Honestly, it’s worth a shot. It takes experience to be a good kisser and you have none. It would be pretty traumatic if you blew your first serious kiss because you were awful.

That being said, you might also want to watch some kiss scenes in movies. I picked up what a good kisser was through movies and practice (and being naturally good haha). Just don’t use a lot of tongue. It’s absolutely disgusting and just like men, women do not want dogs slobbering their face.

Other than that, just go for it. A lot of people who don’t see action simply don’t try and make the opportunities happen. There have been times where I tried to kiss a girl (after she openly flirted with me) and she shut me down because she was a tease. Just laugh it off and move on like it’s nothing because it is nothing!
By the way, you could have probably hooked up with one of your friends when she kissed you on the cheek. She might have been just kidding around or flirting with you. Worst thing that happens is you tell her you were drunk and it was a mistake (if she turns you down)
What do you say to a girl when you want to ask her out? How do you phrase it?

Or she thinks I’m a total creep and I lose anyone related to her circle of friends. I’ve seen it happen to other people so I’m scared of trying it myself. The kiss on the cheek thing has happened twice, the one girl doesn’t even remember it since she was blackout drunk and the other fucked one of our mutual guy friends the same night.

Do you want to do x with me at y time.

I didn’t think there was anything more to it…

There’s your first mistake — "Do you want to" gives them a choice. You should be more assertive. "Hey, I’m going to _____ at ____ time, you should come."

She still has the option to say no, but by saying "you should come" instead of "do you want to" it gives her less time to think about what she wants and plants in her mind the idea that she should say yes.
What you are doing wrong is your whole attitude towards the kissing thing. You are pressuring yourself to be ready for it, this happens when you let your enviroment determine what is right for you, instead of you letting determine what is right for yourself instead. This is why you feel pressured to be ready for kissing, sex etc. You might be busy with completely different things in your life and girls must simply not have been on your mind for who knows what for reasons. What you do is simply setting a goal to get a gf. You read the Don Juan bible. , and you get yourself a girl.

It’s been on my mind nearly every other minute for about the past 6-8 years. I was REALLY obsessed with it in HS but the obsession got worse when I turned 20 and realized "Holy shit, I’m no longer a teenager and I still haven’t kissed someone…" I read the DJB back in HS, guess I can give it another shot.
as a kissed 21 year old virgin, I had my first kiss in early 2010. It was mostly due to alcohol.

What I suggest is that you should take advantage of all the chances you have. A girl kisses you on the cheek? Kiss back. I would kill for chances to get with girls now and it seems that you have perfect opportunities with being associated with a frat. Dont think about things, just do things. One thing I think I have realized is that all women get turned on by confidence. You can be aggressive and still be a "nice guy". A kiss really does not matter, but for me it was probably the greatest feeling I have ever experienced.

Dont pussy out. As BlazinBlazerGuy said, be as assertive as possible and tell them "hey come do x at y with me" instead of asking "do you want to…". It worked for me.
From what I see I’d say you need to just man up, it doesn’t sound like your willing to take any kind of risk or put yourself out there like that. For a kiss its simple, you just go in for it when the time seems right, there isn’t any magic formula to it. You need to initiate it, girls don’t do that (at least most I’ve been with). They want you to take hold and be a man, show your dominance. I hope you understand what I mean.

Yup, don’t ask. Being assertive/a little aggressive is always better. To give you an example, I started a conversation yesterday with a girl I met a while ago with "So what are we doing this weekend?". Doesn’t always go over well, but in this case it did. Give it a try, it shows you have confidence.
if you want to get lots of girls buy yourself a motorcycle. seriously.

Otherwise, just be yourself. there are a gazillion women out there, and I’m sure some of them will find you very attractive. Be thankful you look young for your age, it’ll pay off big time later on.
Have patience.
Do what you want, when you want to. If you’re talking to a girl and want to kiss her, do it. If you want to go farther than that, do it. Girls will follow your lead and it’s YOUR job to lead them in the direction you want to go. This is especially easy when you are drunk at a party. If you’re too worried about making an ass out of yourself around your friends try to find a buddy that goes to another school and party with him for a weekend.

I was a lot like you in my early college days as well, started turning myself around when I was about 20. Found that 9 times out of 10 when I did what I wanted to do, the girls went right along with it. If they seem hesitant, try again. If they overtly shut you down just shrug it off and go on to the next one.
You’ve never had any chicks express any interest in your or anything?

.

There’s either something you aren’t telling us or something you don’t realize that’s keeping you back.

If you aren’t bad looking and have at least minimal social skills you should be able to make out with a girl, especially at these exclusive frat parties you are talking about.

I’m willing to bet your social skills aren’t up to par, but I could be wrong. It has to be SOMETHING.

My social skills are awful with women i find attractive, but i’ve still had decent looking chicks express interest in me despite my social awkwardness.

Not so sure I’d use that one right off the bat; you might come across as though you’re saying "I have no friends and nothing better to do, so I’m going to do whatever you tell me to do because I’m needy."

Of course it’s fine to use that if the girl already knows you and you have an understanding that she makes plans for the two of you sometimes. Girls tend to like a "man with a plan" for the most part.

I was late virgin, but that was because I never tried. Too shy and never made a fucking move.

So what’s up ?

Yes. Never has any chick ever directly or indirectly shown interest in me as anything more than a friend.
I’m 23, virgin, never kissed a girl. I’ve been getting better lately.

I think the key, at least for me, is to just have some fucking confidence and don’t worry what the girl will think.

Hell, I never even really hard-core flirted with a girl until like last week when I spent the entire night with my arm around / grabbing / cheek-kissing this chick I was into.
Turns out she wasn’t interested in me anymore but she didn’t mind the attention, and I didn’t mind having something warm to hold onto all night.

Just be a man, and don’t be afraid of women.

Then you probably aren’t picking up on signals. Or you really are hopeless, at least at the moment.

Make sure you have good hygeine, that you’re at least somewhat fashionable (read: look good in the clothes that you’re wearing), and for fuck sake realize that you are an attractive human being, and that anyone would be lucky to have you.

Also study body language so you can project yourself better.

I’ve got good hygeine, fashion I"m more of a "haters gonna hate" type of guy as I fucking love the traditional t-shirts and jeans combo. It’s just so damn comfortable to wear.

I’ve never understood the "Lucky to have you" part, I wouldn’t feel that lucky to have someone like me when there are millions and probably billions of better options out there.

turn that swag on nga

Read just the bolded words. There’s 100% of the source of your problem. With that mindset, you’re in no place to be having a relationship.

If you can’t identify what you have to offer, no one else is going to see that you have anything to offer, either.

Sure I have stuff to offer but there are lots of people who offer the same things with even more things added on top: they’re smarter, harder working, good looking, friendlier, etc. How am I expected to compete with these people? I’ve never bought the whole "you’re so special and awesome" mindset people seem to have, seems narcissistic as hell to me. I need PROOF and EVIDENCE that I am an awesome person and I just don’t see it in myself. At least not things that would make people want to be more than friends with me.

Good luck being president of forever alone crew, then.

You still haven’t disproved what I’ve been saying. Everyone just spouts off "you’re the man, any girl would be lucky to have you." I think of it from the girl’s POV, why go with me when there’s some hot hunk over there with tons of money, intelligence, etc. that they could go for?

I’ve felt inferior my entire life even though I work really hard to try and make up the difference.

That assumes all women are superficial, materialistic, and have no insecurities. All of which are incorrect assumptions.

Think about the other things you DO have that perhaps the rich, intelligent hunk doesn’t have. Obviously you’re able to get and sustain female friends, meaning you don’t have completely horrendous social skills, and probably a decent sense of humor. There are women out there who are more interested in those kind of things than money or intelligence.

What makes you think there aren’t girls out there who also feel inferior, and maybe don’t want the "hot rich guy" because they’re afraid they won’t be able to fulfill HIS needs?

Maybe it’s because of the environment I’ve been in so far? I’ll admit to being in a "bubble" so far in life, being stuck in a very preppy hs and now college with lots of these rich hot girls. Everyone seems to be obsessed with looks and how much success your parents have or how much success you’re going to "have."

Yeah definitely sounds like you need to find another crowd to hang with. If all of the girls around you act that way or are simply "out of your league," it’s not going to do anything to help your cause.

They’re either way out of my league or way under it it seems. There’s either the rich hot bitches or the supernerds who don’t know how to interact with other people even in a classroom setting. Luckily the guys aren’t like that, quite a few rich douchebags but a lot of pretty "normal" people, even some rich normal people.
instead of obsessing over getting a kiss i would work on yourself first. make yourself someone awesome and desirable that you can be happy and proud of. change your self image and realize you aren’t just another random dude. make yourself exceptional.
A lot of your insecurity is probably BECAUSE of your lack of success with women. When it happened for me it allowed me to see clearly and re-evaluate myself and my agenda, because I was no longer a guy who couldn’t get laid.

After I lost my virginity I felt a lot better about myself and because of that, I started meeting / hooking up with more girls. Now I have a SO

All I’m saying is that your insecurity will go away if not die completely once you finally make it with a girl. It’s a vicious cycle, because you can’t make it with a girl while you’re insecure, and you can’t get over your insecurity without being with a girl.

I realized this and went back to my home town where people hadn’t seen me since high school.. and acted like an all-star. Girls noticed and no one would have guessed I was a virgin, and I got laid Went back to California a new man

Unfortunately I go to school in a small town and live near a small town at home. The school’s town is bigger but full of zealous religious bible thumper. They all hate the students and we hate them. Only place I like is the local headshop.

I decided to take a hard look at myself and identified many areas I can work on, starting with self-esteem which has always been very low for me. I’ve tried to improve before but this time I’m following the advice to a T and if it doesn’t work, look for more advice. Hopefully something somewhere will help me out.
Well, of all my first kisses, there’s been:

- The awkward, nervous first kiss;
- The "get tackled and dragged off to the bedroom" first kiss;
- The first kiss that turned out not to be appreciated;
- The first kiss that I asked for and received.

The last of those four was the best. No nervousness, no concern that I might’ve been reading the signals wrong, and no wondering whether I should expect more than I was asking for. You might think the second one was the best, but after the kiss itself was done, I was so nervous I could barely stop shaking, much less actually do anything fun in the bedroom once I got there.

If there’s someone you want to kiss, and you’re in a suitably cuddly location, just bloody well ask. All you have to lose is your fantasy of how perfect things could be, and you’ll never miss a couple lost fantasies if you’ve got them stockpiled all over the place.

Dress up in what you think are your best clothes, and look at yourself in the mirror. Now tell yourself that you are a gorgeous hunk of man, with many positive qualities, and that any woman who receives your attention is a fucking lucky woman. And any woman who spurns your attention is a stupid bitch that isn’t worth your time.

Just tell yourself that until you can fake it. Then fake it until you believe it, because it’s true.

You think all of those other guys who you deem "superior" don’t have their own drawbacks, or don’t feel the exact same way you do?

You just have to realize that, on average, every guy is essentially the same. No better or worse than any other. Obviously there are the outliers but they’re statistical anomalies and they only take up a few of the women. There are 3 billion women out there, go fucking take one for yourself.

Then clearly your definition of narcissism needs some correction. Narcissism is when you secretly think you have no inherent value to the universe, and so you constantly remind everyone around you how awesome you are, hoping it will compensate. What you’re asking for is constant reminders from other people that your life has value, and that is codependence, which is the opposite of narcissism, and also very unhealthy. What you’re mislabeling as narcissism is having an understanding that your life DOES have inherent value, and behaving appropriately. That isn’t narcissism, that’s healthy. That’s what you should be aiming for.

I find this hard to believe if you say you are hanging out with frat guys. You probably just arent seeing it.

I still don’t get this advice, it seems like people are telling me NOT to improve myself? Just to fake it all? That doesn’t seem healthy to me…

Ok, I understand my life has inherent value but again, it’s a competition for mates out there. Sure I have enough value to live and have friends but I still don’t see myself as someone who deserves a gf. That’s why I constantly resist all this advice JUST BE CONFIDENT, blah blah blah. I want specifics on what girls are looking for so I can improve myself into the type of guy they want. Since I don’t believe I am that guy and they obviously don’t either.

No no no. You definitely want to improve yourself. Never stop improving yourself. Just realize that you, as you are right now, are still a valid, attractive, and desirable partner.

How exactly did you phrase the question when you asked for a kiss? Just curious since most conventional wisdom and advice would say that’s a no-go that makes girls think you’re a wuss (thus I’ve never used or tried to use it).

The only time I ever came close to asking for one was when I stopped at a gas station specifically so a girl could pick up a pack of gum. She came out with a piece already in her mouth and then offered me a piece, I was tempted to say "let me see what it tastes like first?" and lean in for a kiss, but decided not to at the time because I thought it would sound dumb

Again: why don’t you deserve a girlfriend? If you have enough value to live and have friends, why don’t you have enough value to be a good boyfriend?

You need to remember that not all girls want the same "type" of guy, so no one can give you specifics about what every girl is looking for aside from telling you that if the girls you’re encountering now are looking for something you’re not, the answer is to go somewhere else so you can find girls who are looking for something you ARE.

Never change who and what you are just to get a girl to like you. You’ll end up regretting it in the end. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to improve upon the traits and qualities you already have, but don’t go looking to turn yourself into a completely different person at your core.

Ok, if that’s what you’re looking for, here it is:

99% of girls are looking for a guy who is confident in himself, who feels comfortable in his own skin, doesn’t second-guess his actions.

Therefore, all you need to do to transform yourself into a guy that women want is to become confident in yourself.

See the few times I’ve tried this I fall flat on my ass. I really think it might be because I look so damn young. They think it’s adorable how confident and sure of myself I am but if I try and make any escalation, even the tiniest one, they think I’m creepy. Maybe I just have to wait until I don’t look like a HS freshman anymore.

Not exactly sure what you’re trying to say here, but you already answered yourself…

Excuses, excuses.

How do you try to make an escalation? Give us an example of something you did in an attempt to "escalate" and got a reaction of a girl thinking you’re creepy for it.

i’m not thread starter

My problem was I just never bothered to try. But once i made up my mind to go for it, it was easy enough

did you not mean to quote me then?
if i was a frat brother of yours, and you told that to me, I’d laugh at you, and then make it my obligation to get you laid within 2 weeks.

Frat Party + lots of alcohol + slutty women = no more virgin period

Well then make yourself one of those better options, whatever it takes in your mind, if you can’t accept yourself as decent and a good option for someone of the other sex then how can you expect them to? If you subconsciously think things like that then you’re just going to wreak of lack of confidence, and if you expect nothing then all you’re going to get is nothing.

And at this point in your argument you’re just rationalizing and justifying your lack of confidence and social skills unreasonably. How many girls have you seen that aren’t all that special, particularly good looking, or interesting that you’ve either had the urge to know for some reason or are forced to know and realize that there is something more to offer, because everyone IS different, not better or worse, but different and change is interesting to people. Not all girls think the same way, but some do, therefore you do have a shot no matter how much you try to justify (why?) your worthlessness.

Shut the fuck up, pussy.

Don’t come in here and complain about BAWWWW NEVAR KISSED and then shoot everyone down when they tell you what you’re doing wrong.

You’re supposedly a man. Act like one. Girls aren’t going to approach you if you’re acting like a weepy, insecure little bitch around them. You’re at best a "safe friend" or you’re at worst a conflicted little mama’s boy who is waiting on a Princess Charming to rescue him from a life of whiny navel-gazing.

It’s ON YOU. Make it happen.

Well, we were already cuddled up on the couch, so at that point I already knew affectionate physical contact was acceptable. I just said "I’d like to kiss you, is that okay?" She said yes, and so I did.

You want specifics? Okay, start working on your ego. If you don’t think you deserve a girlfriend, then you don’t deserve a girlfriend; that’s how ego works. You deserve what you think you deserve. There is no central governing authority that decides what each person deserves and what they don’t deserve.

You seem to think that having an ego is unhealthy. It’s not. Even if you had so much ego that you think you deserved to be king of the world, it would only be unhealthy if you couldn’t muster the armies to make it happen.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone else to tell you to improve yourself in ways you already want to improve yourself, but you’re afraid to do so in case your judgement is wrong, then the first thing you need to do is stop looking for other people to validate your judgement. Do what you think is right and clean up the mess afterwards.
The best "first kiss" I ever had was just spontaneous. It was not in any particular special setting, we were actually out shopping in public. My phone went off and I pulled it out to check it, kind of lowering my head to read it. She leaned in and looked at it too, and I looked up to see if she was looking at me or the phone. Turns out we were both looking at each other, and were pretty close to boot. We had been flirting a lot leading up to that point, so I just went for it. Big kiss, followed by small kisses….followed by a quick, "I’m sorry I just…" and her saying, "No it’s OK, I don’t mind."

And it went on from there. I won’t say location doesn’t matter, or that spontaneous is always the way to go. It could have turned out TERRIBLY if I was reading her wrong. But, in that instance it worked, and the spontaneity just made it all the more passionate I think.
I was 26 till I asked a girl out for the first time.

Put this in your head… "What do I have to lose?"

Thank you for making me feel slightly better.

I’m sort of in the same boat as the OP.. mainly not getting a chance to ask a girl out. Ugh. I’m 24 who’s still immature.. girls my age, I’m sure they’re going after 30-somethings and people who are already grads, doctors and lawyers ffs.
I’m Mormon, and I willingly abstain from sex until I am married. (And no, we are not polygamists)…

I simply refuse to have sex until I am married to follow the precepts of my religion.. It takes a lot of willpower, but I do it anyways.

There is nothing wrong with you, OP. Don’t worry about it and find the one you truly love before you have sex. Otherwise, you will probably regret any hasty actions.

^^^^ Worst advice ever. Have you no morals or values?

Terrible. TERRIBLE.

Not everyone’s morals and values align with yours, Kurt. Don’t forget that the slutty women who show up at frat parties and end up getting laid are doing it because that’s what they want to happen. If those slutty women didn’t want cheap sex, they wouldn’t go to frat parties.

Regarding your attitude towards sex, I don’t entirely disagree, but I do almost entirely disagree. However, I’m not going to get on your ass about it because I doubt you’d really stop to think about my reasoning anyway. Suffice it to say, disregarding people who just want cheap sex and don’t know why, some intelligent thoughtful people do have very good reasons for wanting to have sex before getting married. This is coming from a guy who hasn’t had sex in seven years, so I’m not just a slut in denial.

I see wisdom in your viewpoint, but I am a strong believer that a measure of a man (or a woman) is his or her self-control and mastery over the more basic instincts of humanity.

In other words, I believe a person should be measured by the control they have over themselves and not how many times they have had sex.
And I believe that your beliefs only apply to you.

You want the short version of my reasoning? I don’t want the pressure to get laid influencing my decision whether to marry someone. You can say all you want that you can suppress those instincts, but I’m as human as you and I know the instincts can fight back. Utah has the highest per-capita consumption of pornography in the USA, so clearly all that piety isn’t as bulletproof as y’all like to pretend it is. What’s better? Having real sex with real people and experiencing real feelings as a result, or learning all kinds of misinformation from watching actors do it onscreen according to what the director is telling them to do?

I understand what you are saying, and everyone has the right to do and believe what they wish. Your words carry some wisdom, but I also believe there is wisdom in waiting until the right place and the right time to have sex, be it before or after marriage. I just happen to believe that it is after, and I heartily disagree with the pressure on the youth of this day and age to have sex as early as possible. It can set one up for failure for life.
Not gonna argue with most of your response, but the pressure on youth today to have sex as early as possible isn’t coming from somewhere else, it’s coming from their own DNA. It’s true that mass media isn’t helping by showing teenagers depictions of what teenagers want to do, but that in itself is not brainwashing. If society is at fault at all, it’s only for not constantly telling teenagers they should try to be like Jesus, but I’d much rather do without that kind of indoctrinated shame. People are hardwired to need sex from time to time in order to stay sane. There is no way around that concept. That’s part of the reason why people who believe in "no sex before marriage" are much more likely to get married (and pregnant) at a young age, because the parts of the brain that are hardwired for survival will only put up with so much denial before they override a person’s ability to think rationally.
I had a history professor in college who explained it like this: "People need two things to survive — food and sex. Shelter is nice, but if you don’t have shelter people can still sleep in shifts to make sure nobody gets eaten. Drugs are fun if you have a safe place to use them, but they’re not fun if you’re not safe — any one of the lovely ladies in this class who’s gotten wasted at a party can tell you that much. But without food, people die, and without sex, the whole tribe dies. So, food and sex. That’s what people absolutely require, and that’s what our strongest instincts push us to get."

You can’t fight it forever. It’s not humanly possible.
I don’t even know where to start with all the ridiculous bullshit residing in those two posts, deus. Guess I’ll just leave it at "I whole-heartedly disagree."

And you’d be wrong for doing so. He’s spot-on for both posts.

So having sex is losing control of onesself; is that your viewpoint?

That’s healthy, and spoken like someone who hasn’t made a conquest in years.

I’m a 25 year old virgin who is perfectly sane. If people are hardwired to "need sex from time to time in order to stay sane," I should be at a point where I need to be institutionalized by now.

Gross generalizations like these cannot be made where human sexuality is concerned. Not EVERY person out there fits that mold.

It is your mind making a problem of such things. Chances are, your "problem" is actually a good thing.

There’s no need to rush – make sure it is with a decent person, not some meaningless sex that is purely about sensation which only lasts for less then a second.

FULL OF WIN.

Meh, I partially disagree. The first has so much pressure on you, sometimes it’s better to just get it out of the way then have regular mindset with next girl.

It’s a little bad that you won’t have the stories, feelings about your 1st time but he’s already lost most of that chanse since he didn’t get with anyone in highschool.
That is totally obtuse…

If he is smart then he will realize that our society is very sick and he will be glad that he is not fitting in. We should seek to be mutants and extremely abnormal compared to this "society".

He is a human being – he deserves a beautiful first experience in a long term relationship, not intercourse with some meaningless whore in order to alleviate some absolutely ridiculous, society instilled anxiety.

What difference does it make that he did not have intercourse in high school? Now it is totally impossible for him to have a meaningful experience? Since he is not in high school? What kind of foolish logic is this, away with ye.

it’s just 1000 times harder to make that first step, why not get it out of the way ?

He already missed out on the normal experience. Can he have a meaningful one ? sure. But it’s not going to be the same thing.

You are putting way too much emphases on sex.

So having sex in high school is the "normal" experience now?

I love when the proponents of premarital sex use this expression. So damned ridiculous.

Average age of losing one’s virginity is 16-17.
And even if you made it through highschool without sex, you’d at least have the normal experience of dating. Enterting the adult world (post college) with a virgin and have no dating, no kissing experience makes it very difficult. I did it, it sucked. You go on a date and be nervous as hell because you are on step 1, while nearly everyone you’d meet has had years of dating experience. Fun learning curve.

he said it himself, it’s a "purely about sensation which only lasts for less then a second". 1st time having sex is going to suck. Stop making it anymore special than what it is.
People, billions of people, don’t know how to have sex.

Little 16 years olds rubbing their private parts together, older adults who more vigorously get into it.

No one has a clue.

Listen. Sex is marriage, obviously! Not only are you supposed to unite physically, but sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and so on.

People engage in vulgar couplings in order to satisfy their bestial impulses.

Love cannot exist where desire or ego persist.

He should be jumping for joy that he is not part of that ridiculous "dating scene", more like sanctioned self prostitution.

He should be very happy that he has the chance to sort out his problems now. When he gets into a relationship he will carry the old problems with him – except in a relationship that will cloud over his ability to experience loneliness and such.

That’s why you have millions of headcases in North America. They lost their virginity and kept on going without addressing those confidence issues.

After years of relationships I am enjoying this time single in order to sort out the issues that have persisted since my teenage years. Had I known what I know now, I would have stayed single in order to work out my problems so that my relationships would have been better. Take your time, this is your life, not a rabbit race!
You are correct that being single presents an excellent opportunity to work through problems, but only if you have the training to know how. Sometimes it’s necessary to interact with others on an emotionally-intimate level in order to bring those problems to the surface so they can be dealt with. Obviously that sometimes causes the relationship to end, but all relationships end eventually, through death if nothing else. Trying to arrange for a relationship that will last forever is a fool’s errand. Some relationships are very beneficial even if only for a short period of time.

At this point in my own life, I want a relationship that will last for a while, and I am open to such a relationship extending to the point of marriage if that’s how things work out. But I’m getting sick of the religious crowd pushing the message that marriage is the only "good" kind of relationship, because they are just as wrong as the people advocating a lifetime of emotional detachment. Neither paradigm is suitable for everyone at every point in their life.

I [got rid of] my virginity at age 13. With a guy, no less. He was my best friend at the time, and remained my best friend for years afterwards. That relationship could never last forever, because of our differences in ambition and my interest in having children someday, but to say it was a waste because it didn’t last forever, or that I was damaged as a result of actually being able to trust someone when I was a teenager, is incorrect to the point of being offensive.
When you’re alone with someone and are comfortable enough, you just need to dig deep and make the moves. This reminds me of my cousin who has never done anything and he’s already graduated from college. His entire life is dedicated to religion and school

Is he happy? If he’s happy with his life, who gives a fuck what he has or hasn’t done?

No related posts.