I think a female friend was given an "ultimatium" from her bf with me…

So, it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been friends with this girl for about 3 years now. This past summer, when she was finally single, we planned on taking a vacation together to Florida. We made all these plans, etc., and then a month before we had the vacation.. she found a bf. She called him her bf, but said it wasn’t serious (though they were having sex within a few weeks of dating.) A female friend of mine, thought it was stupid of her to even look for a bf before this vacation.. and felt she should have waited to see how things panned out on this vacation, but that’s a different story.

Anyway, her co-workers kept telling her that her and I were going to hook up on vacation and kept asking her how her bf felt about the situation with her going with another guy on vacation.

Anyway, she offered everything to the guy…. and told him that "We have been friends for 3 years, if something hasn’t happened by now.. nothing will happen" (I am a little annoyed at this comment, as I never really got that fair chance in those 3 years but whatever) She told him we can all get together and meet and then she told him that he can come with us too. He rejected both things with her.

Now, we went on vacation and her and I had fun. No, we didn’t hook up, because I honestly am too respectful of a girl when she has a bf and just know that terrority I don’t get into. While on vacation, he was calling her 3 times a day for 4 days straight. And he kept asking her "Did you have sex with him yet?" to which she was just getting annoyed at that.

Anyway, vacation came and went. A week later, tried shooting her a quick text and not a response. Ok, people are busy… The following week, called her, she didn’t pick up (called out of boredom really while driving home). The following week after that, I just shot a quick "what’s up" e-mail. The next day, she deleted me as a friend from Facebook and deleted any mutual friends of ours and just never responded. She has yet to block me on AIM. Should I assume her bf told her to stay away from me… and also, should I approach her about this or chalk this up to a "lost friend" without me doing anything wrong at all. I kind of want an explaination… and I am thinking about sending her a message in a few weeks when I am planning a party (facebook invites) saying "Oh, hey, I was looking to invite you but I noticed you deleted me as your friend.. what’s up with that?"

Some people say I should confront her, but majority tell me to just leave her alone and let her figure out that her controlling/jealous/possesive bf has just caused our friendship to go down the drain for no reason at all….
Just give her the time and space to figure it out on her own. It’s not worth possibly causing a fight between her and her bf. Besides, if you push it, you’ll just be convincing the insecure bf that you do want to pursue her.
I personally wouldn’t go on a vacation with a girl if it were just me and her and she had a bf already. I’d be pissed if I were the bf too.
Why the hell didn’t you make a move while she was single? You messed up by trying to wait for your opportunity on that vacation.
I’d go meet her face-to-face and say "what the fuck?" and make her explain that her boyfriend is too controlling to let her have a life.
and I’m willing to bet her boyfriend has female friends he’s not willing to dump.

Mmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm.
I don’t understand why you are bothering talking to this girl. She obviously doesn’t see you as anything other than a friend. Leave her alone. Go your own way.
I’d break her the fuck up with that guy … well … get a girl friend to do it. Hehehe. She can’t be happy with a dude who blows up on her & causes her to disassociate w/good friends.
It’s possible that her bf logged into her account and deleted you.

The vacation was planned BEFORE she had the bf. She made that clear to the bf too. Neither of us wanted to lose money as we were not getting a refund and could not transfer over our plane tickets to someone else (well, without major hassle)

Where, did it say anywhere I wanted to make a move? I didn’t… she had way too much baggage (abusive, psycho ex-bf… booty calls from marines… threw herself at a guy and disappeared with him at a club when she came out with me and my friends, etc.)

and I’m willing to bet her boyfriend has female friends he’s not willing to dump.

Mmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm.

Apparently, he has "no friends" as he just moved to the area.
He also went or is going to vegas with his friends from his home state for a bachelor party to Vegas and assured my friend that he wasn’t getting any strippers or hookers… and she believed him.

That is the thought I had actually… the only thing that made sense to me, being that she did not block me on AIM… but still doesn’t explain why she has ignored a phone call, text & e-mail from me.

like a typical, dumb girl.. she thought it was "sweet" that he was showing that he cared by being like that.

.

Your wasting your time and effort. Move on to something better.

Begging your pardon? Girl here … Haha.

She’s just "giving him a chance" because she doesn’t know better. Guys do it with psychobitches, too, so it’s not just a unilateral prob.

Dude … maybe you should just ditch her ass. Looks like you’re maybe pretty protective of her. You’re going to hurt yourself by feeling obligated to help her.

If she’s the usual thickheaded sort without a decent preconception of what a good relationship should be she’s going to go through hell learning how not to do it … & maybe fail to even learn what’s good for her in the long run.

Give her the tough love or run.

oh crap

Begging your pardon? Girl here … Haha.

She’s just "giving him a chance" because she doesn’t know better. Guys do it with psychobitches, too, so it’s not just a unilateral prob.

Dude … maybe you should just ditch her ass. Looks like you’re maybe pretty protective of her. You’re going to hurt yourself by feeling obligated to help her.

If she’s the usual thickheaded sort without a decent preconception of what a good relationship should be she’s going to go through hell learning how not to do it … & maybe fail to even learn what’s good for her in the long run.

Give her the tough love or run.

Sorry, I mean like a typical "dumb" girl.. wasn’t directed at all girls (there are some good ones out there, unfortunately those are the ones that don’t want to date me)

Anyway, just an update… just saw her away message and something was up, saw her facebook and she no longer has a picture of her and the guy and is no longer friends with him either…. again, I was right. I guess I’ll wait for her to approach me and explain herself.
If she’s a good friend of yours, you should confront her and see if she’s happy with the insecure bf. You deserve an explanation. I know you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes but if she’s a really good friend and you care about her, you might want to contact her and talk.

So, it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been friends with this girl for about 3 years now. This past summer, when she was finally single, we planned on taking a vacation together to Florida. We made all these plans, etc., and then a month before we had the vacation.. she found a bf. She called him her bf, but said it wasn’t serious (though they were having sex within a few weeks of dating.) A female friend of mine, thought it was stupid of her to even look for a bf before this vacation.. and felt she should have waited to see how things panned out on this vacation, but that’s a different story.

Anyway, her co-workers kept telling her that her and I were going to hook up on vacation and kept asking her how her bf felt about the situation with her going with another guy on vacation.

Anyway, she offered everything to the guy…. and told him that "We have been friends for 3 years, if something hasn’t happened by now.. nothing will happen" (I am a little annoyed at this comment, as I never really got that fair chance in those 3 years but whatever) She told him we can all get together and meet and then she told him that he can come with us too. He rejected both things with her.

Now, we went on vacation and her and I had fun. No, we didn’t hook up, because I honestly am too respectful of a girl when she has a bf and just know that terrority I don’t get into. While on vacation, he was calling her 3 times a day for 4 days straight. And he kept asking her "Did you have sex with him yet?" to which she was just getting annoyed at that.

Anyway, vacation came and went. A week later, tried shooting her a quick text and not a response. Ok, people are busy… The following week, called her, she didn’t pick up (called out of boredom really while driving home). The following week after that, I just shot a quick "what’s up" e-mail. The next day, she deleted me as a friend from Facebook and deleted any mutual friends of ours and just never responded. She has yet to block me on AIM. Should I assume her bf told her to stay away from me… and also, should I approach her about this or chalk this up to a "lost friend" without me doing anything wrong at all. I kind of want an explaination… and I am thinking about sending her a message in a few weeks when I am planning a party (facebook invites) saying "Oh, hey, I was looking to invite you but I noticed you deleted me as your friend.. what’s up with that?"

Some people say I should confront her, but majority tell me to just leave her alone and let her figure out that her controlling/jealous/possesive bf has just caused our friendship to go down the drain for no reason at all….

what’s to confront? You’ve got your answer loud and clear.

And if she wanted to date you, she would’ve when she was free.
You would’ve been that guy that she had sex within a few weeks of dating.

Instead, you got your walking papers.

Just let it go at that.

what’s to confront? You’ve got your answer loud and clear.

And if she wanted to date you, she would’ve when she was free.
You would’ve been that guy that she had sex within a few weeks of dating.

Instead, you got your walking papers.

Just let it go at that.

Once again, I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO DATE HER.
Why is everyone assuming this?
All I said is that she made a comment, I got annoyed at the comment because of the way it was worded.. made me feel like I never had a fair chance. I never said I would or wanted to date her.

Once again, I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO DATE HER.
Why is everyone assuming this?
All I said is that she made a comment, I got annoyed at the comment because of the way it was worded.. made me feel like I never had a fair chance. I never said I would or wanted to date her.

You wouldn’t be making this thread if you weren’t interested in her.

Move on. She will never really want a fulfilling relationship with you.

You wouldn’t be making this thread if you weren’t interested in her.

Move on. She will never really want a fulfilling relationship with you.

Ok, let me make this clear.. I am not interested in her. her face is too fat, she is a little chubby…. and she had herpes. I just hate losing friends over stupid things.

Well it sounds like she doesn’t want to be your friend. So suck it up and leave her the fuck alone. Get over yourself, stop trying to figure things out. Right now she has a bf who is probably pissed at her and the more you try to contact her the more pathetic and annoying you come off to her.

So, it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been friends with this girl for about 3 years now. This past summer, when she was finally single, we planned on taking a vacation together to Florida. We made all these plans, etc., and then a month before we had the vacation.. she found a bf. She called him her bf, but said it wasn’t serious (though they were having sex within a few weeks of dating.) A female friend of mine, thought it was stupid of her to even look for a bf before this vacation.. and felt she should have waited to see how things panned out on this vacation, but that’s a different story.

Anyway, her co-workers kept telling her that her and I were going to hook up on vacation and kept asking her how her bf felt about the situation with her going with another guy on vacation.

Anyway, she offered everything to the guy…. and told him that "We have been friends for 3 years, if something hasn’t happened by now.. nothing will happen" (I am a little annoyed at this comment, as I never really got that fair chance in those 3 years but whatever) She told him we can all get together and meet and then she told him that he can come with us too. He rejected both things with her.

Now, we went on vacation and her and I had fun. No, we didn’t hook up, because I honestly am too respectful of a girl when she has a bf and just know that terrority I don’t get into. While on vacation, he was calling her 3 times a day for 4 days straight. And he kept asking her "Did you have sex with him yet?" to which she was just getting annoyed at that.

Anyway, vacation came and went. A week later, tried shooting her a quick text and not a response. Ok, people are busy… The following week, called her, she didn’t pick up (called out of boredom really while driving home). The following week after that, I just shot a quick "what’s up" e-mail. The next day, she deleted me as a friend from Facebook and deleted any mutual friends of ours and just never responded. She has yet to block me on AIM. Should I assume her bf told her to stay away from me… and also, should I approach her about this or chalk this up to a "lost friend" without me doing anything wrong at all. I kind of want an explaination… and I am thinking about sending her a message in a few weeks when I am planning a party (facebook invites) saying "Oh, hey, I was looking to invite you but I noticed you deleted me as your friend.. what’s up with that?"

Some people say I should confront her, but majority tell me to just leave her alone and let her figure out that her controlling/jealous/possesive bf has just caused our friendship to go down the drain for no reason at all….

she did you a favor. You’re friendzoned and don’t realize it. Maybe now that she’s cut you out of her life, you’ll figure it out and move on

but to be fair, he was friendzoned anyways, and it wasn’t going to happemn

where you said that you felt you never got a proper shot to become her boyfriend

Once again, I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO DATE HER.
Why is everyone assuming this?
All I said is that she made a comment, I got annoyed at the comment because of the way it was worded.. made me feel like I never had a fair chance. I never said I would or wanted to date her.

This is the most blatant point where you demonstrate you wanted to date her, although the entire post screams that to those of us who know the signs

Sorry, I mean like a typical "dumb" girl.. wasn’t directed at all girls (there are some good ones out there, unfortunately those are the ones that don’t want to date me)

Anyway, just an update… just saw her away message and something was up, saw her facebook and she no longer has a picture of her and the guy and is no longer friends with him either…. again, I was right. I guess I’ll wait for her to approach me and explain herself.

Dope. Learning curve could use improvement. That comes with time.

exactly. the fact that you care so much about this shows what you are really thinking.

Whenever my friends that are girls hook up with a guy, I understand that I will probably be seeing her less if at all…. Hell this is true even with my guy friends. I don’t see why you are having such a hard time with this… it happens all the time and will happen again.

Obviously she is or she wouldn’t be with him.

Most likely her and her boyfriend got into a huge fight over this vacation after you she got back, and it was a pretty big enough fight to realize that she had to make a decision. She’s obviously choosing her BF over you. How does that make you feel? Angry? Good. It’ll be enough motive for you to put her in your past and start looking forward. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s the reality of it. And personally, when she comes back around (which she will), she deserves the cold shoulder, and I hope you give it to her… But of course, that is something up to you.

She obviously doesn’t think that highly of him as a friend if she’s doing this to him. That should be a huge hint. A big enough hint to turn your back and move forward, never bothering to look back at her.
you did nothing wrong.
the girl seems to be an attention whore and doesnt know when to stop.
she shouldnt have went on the vacation with you. her bf did nothing wrong, if my girl went on a vacation with a friend(even if they are friends for 10 years), i still trip out.
its a very clear line here and she crossed it.

you on the other hand, my friend, is too nice and stupid. you shouldve canceled the vacation when she found a bf.

just forget about her, and dont see her as a friend at all. she didnt even have the guts to tell you whats up then why even borther?

you did nothing wrong.
the girl seems to be an attention whore and doesnt know when to stop.
she shouldnt have went on the vacation with you. her bf did nothing wrong, if my girl went on a vacation with a friend(even if they are friends for 10 years), i still trip out.
its a very clear line here and she crossed it.

you on the other hand, my friend, is too nice and stupid. you shouldve canceled the vacation when she found a bf.

just forget about her, and dont see her as a friend at all. she didnt even have the guts to tell you whats up then why even borther?

Agree with most of the above except the part where he’s said to have done no wrong. It would have been a lot easier on her if he had cancelled the trip with her. She didn’t want to come off as the subservient gf who cold shoulders her male friends after she had a bf, so she wouldn’t have cancelled it. it was upto him to do the honourable thing. He screwed it up himself by going ahead with the trip.

wat
Everything I read in there came off to me like you wanted something to happen on this vacation before that guy came into the picture.

Sounds to me like she isn’tworth your time, so don’t waste it.
Just an update… because it was bugging me so damn much, I decided to go out on a whim and IM her. It was kind of a quick "hello" and asked her how she was doing and told her I haven’t heard from her in a while so I wanted to see if things were ok….

then I made mention I noticed we were no longer friends on facebook and asked her if I did or said something bad or if she was annoyed at me for something… no response, so I said "call me or something, sometime soon" and I’m leaving it at that. I made my one last attempt. Obviously this girl made up some stupid shit in her head about me and now is avoiding me without reason, and I don’t care any more.

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