So i dated this girl, we will call her Cindy for 3+ years. These years were from the end of high school until the middle of junior year of college.

During junior year of college i met another girl, we will call her Denise. Denise and Cindy are POLAR opposites, but both great in their own way. One is a little more outgoing, one is a little more attractive, one is shorter, one taller, one more fun, oen more mellow but both great in their own way.

So midway through junior year i cut it off with Cindy and start talking to Denise. Denise has money (i did not know this before i met her) so we got to do lots of fun things during the year at school, went on vacation etc. I broke it off with Cindy around xmas of this past year and started getting more serious with Denise for the remained of the school year. We got pretty close, met each others families etc, but for some reason i could not get rid of the thoughts of my previous longer relationship. I still contacted Cindy every once and a while via IM and whatnot, because for some reason i could not let go.

So summer comes along, i know im going to be home with Cindy cause we live very very close. We started summer apart obviously because i had been pretty serious with Denise. Well i started seeing Cindy out with other guys and whatnot and i couldnt take it. Finally it was too much to handle and i told Denise (who lives a few states away, we just go to school together) that i could no longer talk to her and i got back with Cindy.

Now im sitting here, and i dont even know what to think about whats going to happen (senior year of college) and i find myself thinking about Denise more and more.

what do you think i should do?
any questions feel free to ask (im not the type to see a psychologist) i like accepting free opinions of a larger population better

thanks
Stop dating both of them. You just want what you can’t have. You jump from relationship to relationship without actually thinking of why this girl would be better for you. You’re not thinking of a future, only the present and it’s not fair to either girl.

Break it off with both of them and spend the rest of your college days single figuring out who you are. You are a serial monogamist and should be havng fun in college meeting tons of new people (women included). Worry about a more serious relationship when you are ready to commit with someone and not just drop them for another girl like it’s that easy.
So you want someone who is LIKE a psychologist but you’re not the kind of guy that will see one ?
thanks for both of the responses…no its just i like to hear what other people say…as far as i see it a psychologist will help me make a decision but in the end i am still the one making the decision….i can do the same thing but just reading what other people think and making the decision on my own once again…

any other opinions? (iwishyouwerebeer) i think you hit the nail on the head…i tried being solo in college when i first broke it off with Cindy…and for some reason i met Denise and jumped RIGHT into a serious thing…i couldnt keep it non serious
one thing i have noticed however…is that i get more of a weird feeling in my gut when im here at home with Cindy and i see or hear something that reminds me of Denise….then i do when im with Denise at school and i hear/see something that reminds me of Cindy

I’m certified, and practice under a doctor as an apprentice here in Cleveland. Thing is no psychologist will see you for this problem because its not really a problem. its natural to do what your doing playing the field a little bit getting a taste of greener grass on the other side of the fence.

its fun isn’t? till you get caught up in your own delusions of what you really want.

I bet Denise gave you more affection didn’t she.. I would take on Iwishyouwerebeer’s advice in this one, stop seeing both of these women and meet some new females.

Cindy gave more affection (likes to party but not too hard, and shes more focused on emotions than anything)

Denise is much more fun (likes to party, spend money, do fun things, be goofy, plays sports etc)

i agree its not a problem, but i know people that see doctors for less…just to talk about their day to day stressors to get it off their chest so they can relax….

still open to plenty more opinions
keysmachine i copied this from another thread in here you posted on

so lets say at the end of this summer i break it off with Cindy again.
I will not miss the sex period. Im not thrilled with it as it is.
I will not miss the feeling she gives me about being in the relationship, because i will get that feeling from Denise….

so if thats the case…where do you look next?
and as always im sure to the outsider this looks like a simple solution, something easy to deal with etc…but in my life this has been the source of a ton of stress and unhappiness

You’re a moron. I’ve lurked and posted in the asylum a lot, and this is one of the most ignorant things I’ve read in here. I don’t even care if I get banned, I have to say this.

You’re a faggot. Go drink bleach and end yourself.

And fuck you to darketernal for the inevitable edit/ban

Typical. You are unhappy with your relationship with Cindy but you are going to drag it out til the end of summer

Grow some balls man. If you and I both know you are just going to dump her at the end of the summer just dump her now. You’re only staying with her because it’s easier on you and you’re probably too scared to be alone. Well be a man. If you are lacksadaisical about making your relationship work then it is not fair to her to stay in it for your own benefit.

You only miss Denise because you are a young guy obsessed with having what you can’t/don’t have. Whoopty doo, Denise had the money to do fun things. You don’t have to have money to do fun things with someone you love. Sure, vacations and things like that are great, but if you really connect and love someone you can have fun sitting on the couch with them.

I still stand firm when I say break up with Cindy ASAP. Become a man for the first time. Be single, because at the rate you are going you’ll jump right into another long term serious relationship with the next girl you meet, marry her, and then 5 years down the road be miserable that you never just had a fun time being single your entire life. The BEST time to be single and date casually. There are so many other women out there that you are looking past.

in my semi professional opinion i stand by this statement. this is the best action plan iwishyouwerebeer just saved you 110/hr
yeah…i just cant bring myself to do it….and then i have to see Cindy out at night with other people which blows
meh, there’s nothing particularly spectacular about your situation. you don’t appear to be comfortable being single or alone. whether you admit it or not, you want to be wanted. in and of itself, there’s nothing really wrong with that, however, your issue is you can’t accept not being wanted. if you could, seeing cindy with other guys would not be an issue for you. you want what you can’t have, but even worse, you want your cake and to eat it too.

it may not be that you want both girls, but you certainly don’t want them being with other people. so, in short, you’re just being selfish.

i agree that you should leave both of them alone and work on yourself, if not this pattern will go on longer than it needs to. learn to be comfortable being single, learn to accept that not everyone may like/want you, and stop being selfish.

actually, your selfishness seems to be the key here. even your opening post is selfish, you want advice, but don’t want to pay for it. you want both these women’s attention. you are probably only with denise because she’s a catalyst for activities you couldn’t do with cindy. it’s all about you. work on being less selfish and self-centered and everything else will probably fall into place.

so…you are unhappy with Cindy, but can’t break up with her because then you would have to see her with other guys.

Like someone else said, you obviously can’t stand being alone…but you know what? You NEED to be alone, so you can learn to be comfortable with it, and yourself.

Right now, I can guarantee that you will never ever be in a quality relationship? Why? Because you are s insecure with yourself that you can’t be alone…you clearly show your neediness and insecurity, and absolutely NO decent woman will be with a boy like that.

If you keep this behavior up, everyone you get in a relationship will realize the pattern and stop taking you back…because you’ll just dump them when the desire for someone else becomes too strong.

YOU NEED TO BE SINGLE AND LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH IT.

i know i know…this thread though has become the motivation i need to finally do something….my "caring about other people too much" is actually just my bullshit way of not trying to come off as selfish…

.

Glad you at least see that

I bet you said Cindy was much more fun when you first started dating too. It always starts like that.

"Do fun things"? WTF, I’m quite certain Cindy is down to do fun things too if you initiated it. Stop trying to justify what you did and man up.
hmm not so sure about the last thing…i mean im sure she would…but i dont see how that is relevant
Sounds like you just simply want to "have it all". Not a crime, and why on earth are you demanding that you "settle down" into one serious, monogamous relationship at your age? It’s legal to play the field. Just don’t lie about it.

I would say it’s likely that you setting this unreasonable expectation for yourself because you are not yet internally secure enough to allow your partners the same freedom. So your solution is to set unreasonable expectations for both of you.

So stop that.
well Cindy and i decided today that once we go back to school were gonna do out own thing….now i just need to deal with the Denise situation. Were friends with alot of the same people, and im probably going to see her frequently….ill just have to avoid a situation i dont want to get myself into

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