This may be long…so bear with me please…

Back in January, my Husband and I decided to separate. He’s in the Navy, so he basically moved to the boat and rarely came to the house. This was years coming, so it wasn’t a huge emotional deal at the time.

At the end of March/beginning of April, I started seeing a guy I worked with. I know, I know, don’t fish in the company pond Shortly after we started dating he changed jobs and left the company, so it the working together thing wasn’t such an issue after that.

Fast forward to the last month. We’ve (the BF & I) been at odds for a while. He plays "Invisible" man quite a lot (for reasons I don’t agree with). There’s a lot of backstory, that I just don’t want to get into right now. I told him weeks ago that I was done, I’d had it, that I didn’t need this crap and that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I admit, I’d said it to him before but every time prior, I let him "wiggle" his way back in.

I had told him last week that I was done and that I didn’t want to see him anymore. Today, he emailed me on my personal account, then turned around and emailed me on my WORK email (which he has never done since he left the company) and then CALLED me at work all in a span of 30 minutes, all just to ask me if I’d have lunch with him. I told him no and that he can’t bother me while I’m working. At lunch time, I left through the front door, there are multiple doors with which you can exit, but only two through which you can enter. I could have easily chosen an exit door closer to my car, but had decided to exit out the front and through the parking lot because it was the closest door to outside. As I exit the building, I find him sitting in his car, waiting for me!

Me being me and being nice, I went over and asked him what he was doing here. He said he really needed to see me and to talk to me. I told him I wasn’t interested and that I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. We chit chatted for a bit, he tried to get me to go with him, but I told him no. He asked if he could come by my place tonight and I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea. I just know he’s going to try and come by tonight…

My friend thinks that if he comes by tonight after already being told not to, that I should get a restraining order against him. I’m not sure this really warrents that, but 2 emails and a phone call in 30 minutes, than an hour and a half later showing up at your workplace after being told not to, is a little…intense.

Not really sure what to do about the situation at this point…
while there is no doubt its creepy, i dont know if he really means you any harm. if he has done something in the past to physically hurt you, then that is a different story

if you are worried, keep your doors locked, and dont answer if he comes over. he is probably just desperate to see you/talk to you right now so he is being a little crazy. if you dont want him in your life at all anymore, tell him that and stick to it. dont let him wiggle back in. he will get the point and hopefully go away

legally, not sure you can get a restraining order for what little he has done. but to be sure, just call your local police department and ask.
Its an extreme measure, calling the police for a single incident should be enough. But as others asked, has he ever been violent against you before, or extreme expressions, threats?
Have you considered actually talking to him about it?
Yes, he’s bothering you and mildly ‘harrassing’ you, but its not like he’s threatened you physically or anything like that, so I vote no. Unless he’s shown violent tendencies toward you in the past and you feel in danger, I’d just wait for a bit. Continute to and politely and firmly explaining that you want absolutely no contact with him right now – no more ‘chit chat’ either – you cant say "no stay away from me" and then go and have a casual conversation with someone….

We’ve never had a physical argument ever. He’s never laid a hand on me in anger, so no.

I tried earlier last month. I asked him what he would do if I refused to talk to him, refused to see him, let him in the house if he stopped by, stopped answering his calls and emails. His reply? "Then you’d have Stalker #1" (the numbers thing is a joke between us).

When I said Chit Chat, I didn’t mean "Hey, how’s the weather? How’s work". When I went over and asked him why he was there when I already told him I didn’t want to have lunch with him he said "I needed to see you and I thought maybe I could convince you that, since I’m here, we should have lunch". He asked me about a couple of coworkers who were coming out of the building. Then I told him he needed to leave, that I wasn’t going to have lunch with him and that I had to go. That was it. Apparently he stayed long enough to talk to another coworker which created some awkwardness later in the office. They came up and asked me why he was there if I wasn’t going to go have lunch with him. Yeah…explaining that one was FUN

Since you’ve done this so many times before why would he take you seriously this time? There is no need for a restraining order right now because you brought this all on yourself by playing games with him. If you really do want him out of your life this time and are going to stick to it, then you need to show him you are serious. Don’t talk to him at all, if he comes to your work then ignore him, etc. He’ll eventually get the message that you are really serious this time. A restraining order isn’t needed unless he starts threatening you or doing something more than just trying to talk to you. Right now he just assumes you are playing the same game as before and will go right back to talking to him soon.

Good point. I guess who whole emailing and calling within a half hour and then showing up a little over an hour later kinda freaked me out, since he’s not usually like that. I wasn’t the one who said I should get one, a friend suggested it. But the fact that I can’t stick to the whole "I don’t want to even talk to you" thing isn’t helping. Gotta stick to my guns. I guess the real problem is that I don’t really want to not see him anymore, but I know that the relationship isn’t good for me. *thud* – the sound of me hitting my head against the wall over and over again.

Thanks guys.
ya, cops love calls like this.

nevar again talk to your friend that suggested this

I wouldn’t go that far…

I would, she made a ridiculous suggestion for no reason. Just wait till you cut your finger and she suggests an amputation.

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