Is it possible to be nice and keep your gf?

I’m just wondering. Everyone tells me girls love to be treated like crap. And it concerns me because I’ve been seeing a girl now for about a month. Shes crazy about me and i’m starting to really fall for her. And I really try to treat her nice and respect her. I just hope that I don’t get screwed because you always hear from everybody nice guys finish last. Is there truth to that?
Many people say the nice guy is the boring guy which is why women leave them, but it really depends on the person. The best is to be a little of both.

I agree. Be yourself. She’s crazy about you just the way you are.
If you maintain an indentity beyond being nice, then of course! The problem only comes when a guy simply thinks that being nice is all they have to do.

I wouldn’t go that far. They like to be treated like you’ve got something going for you other than "her."

If you’ve got a life and you’re active, and she comprises a "portion" of your life, rather than half, or 3/4ths, then chances are you’ll be able to be a good guy and she won’t look down on you. Now if you seem needy or as though she’s worth more than you are, she’s going to abandon you.

Be polite and courteous, but don’t be a bitch.

And it concerns me because I’ve been seeing a girl now for about a month. Shes crazy about me and i’m starting to really fall for her. And I really try to treat her nice and respect her.

Define treat her nice and respect her.

I just hope that I don’t get screwed because you always hear from everybody nice guys finish last. Is there truth to that?

Men who don’t adhere to these qualities get their asses handed to them. You attract what you are most of the time. If you’re a douche, you’ll attract a douche, if you’re an idiot, that’s what you’ll get:

Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors consistently will do well with meeting attractive women.

a.) Has a HIGH amount of self-esteem; views himself as high-status

b.) Doesnt need any outside approval or attention from ANYONE to be happy

c.) Unself-concious; doesnt care what others thinks of him.

d.) Is NEVER insecure or nervous (espcially around desireable women), and he sub-communicates this in every little way.

e.) Self-confident; NEVER arrogant or insecure, POSSIBLY slightly-cocky. May tease women in a friendly way.

f.) Does not let outside events/other peoples opinions (See c.) emotionally destabilize him; is always in control of his emotions.

g.) Takes full responsibility for all of his actions.

h.) Never whines or complains to get approval or empathy; always accepts the world for exactly what it is.

i.) Judges people based on character and personality.. NOT outward appearance/material items.

j.) Can be brutally honest (while still being respectful) with everyone(including himself) and is not afraid to put someone in their place when they are out of line; isn’t afraid to speak his mind.

k.) Isn’t afraid to draw boundaries.

l.) Mature.. in every sense of the word.

m.) Has a PURPOSE in life that he never betrays and pro-actively/ambitiously works towards.

n.) Goal-oriented thinker; favors long-term gratification over short (See l.).

o.) Isn’t afraid to lead and take control of a situation; doesnt have hesitancy moving foward.

p.) Never feels ashamed for his sexual desires & needs; always sexually confident.

q.) Is always "himself", and is content with whatever that is (See a.).

r.) Doesn’t tolerate disrespect to himself, his property, or his time.

s.) Doesn’t let women use their sexual power to get anything (whether it be money, or self-respect) from him.

t.) Loyal

u.) Compassionate

v.) Independant

w.) Is perfectly happy and fufilled being single; sure, he’d like to find an attractive/beautiful/intelligent woman to spend time with but he doesnt NEED it.

x.) Comfortable in the presence of other high-status and/or sophisticated people.

y.) Doesnt experience jealousy; is perfectly fine when a woman exersizes her independence and encourages it; enjoys it when others shine

z.) Strong/confident/powerful body language (Stands up straight, doesnt break eye contact, doesnt have any nervous ticks, doesnt have quick/jerky movements, leans back out of self-confidence and lack of nervousness)

a1.) Doesn’t feel the need to compensate for himself through gifts, expensive restaurants (Doing either of these things from a place of confidence and high-value is on the other hand OKAY)

a2.) DOESNT invest all his emotion/time into a relationship too early on. He remains an ambiguous challenge

As you can see from the rest of the thread no, it is not possible to be nice and keep your GF.

Well, let me rephrase, be "nice" but dont be a fucking faggot and let her walk on you, keep your self respect and KNOW that there is a ton of lady’s out there.

Talk like she is special, treat her like she isnt and maybe a little on holidays.
I can’t remember who said it, but work on being a "Good" man, not necessarily a "nice" man.

Be respectful and polite. Be confident, secure, autonomous, in control of your life. Don’t make your world revolve around her, and you will be fine.

Who is "everyone"? I certainly don’t like being treated like crap. I have too much respect for myself to tolerate that. I had a few different guys pull the asshole treatment on me thinking it’d keep me around. It didn’t work out so well for them. Then they called back a few weeks later wanting to know what happened

How hard is it to just be yourself, and treat others (whether a potential love interest, friend or co worker) with the same respect you would want?
be a good guy by respecting her (when she deserves it). reward her only when she exhibits good behavior. stand your ground and speak out if the bitch steps out of line. girls look up to a man who doesnt take bs from ANYONE, including the gf.
im talking to two girls right now, both swear up and down I am the cutest sweetest man alive. Take it for what you will.

I have never been the "asshole" I don’t have alot of relationships but the ones I do have last.

bingo.
when I stopped being a pissed off faggot, and started having fun, women wanted to come around me more. At least 3 of them did, which is more in the last 2 months than I’ve had in the last 4 years.

I can’t remember who said it, but work on being a "Good" man, not necessarily a "nice" man.

Be respectful and polite. Be confident, secure, autonomous, in control of your life. Don’t make your world revolve around her, and you will be fine.

AWESOME

Exactly. That kind of man is a keeper.

Yeah…uh that would be me from another thread.

Otherwise you show her disrespect? No thanks.

stand your ground and speak out if the bitch steps out of line. girls look up to a man who doesnt take bs from ANYONE, including the gf.

Who peed in your Cheerios? Don’t be so bitter dude.

How would you feel if your girlfriend treated you this way?

Nope….not a shred of truth to it.

Why? It’s all about perspective.

So picture that I have this hot g/f that all kinds of guys would like to date. I’m Mr. NiceGuy and she takes advantage of that and treats me like shit. Then we break up…..ok….so most people see that simply as losing or finishing last.

However, from a different perspective, perhaps we weren’t right for each other. Perhaps I needed a g/f that likes nice people and will respect that….and yes, there are hot ones like this.

Everyone likes easy and simple answers….such as:

  • Hot chicks like bad boys
  • Nice chicks aren’t hot
  • Being Nice = No hotness for joo

But come on….realize that this doesn’t apply to everyone….or even the majority. Sure on OT, that’s all you’ll hear about….but this is not a representative sample of the US or even the world.

Everyone is different and wants different things in a mate. The trick is finding one that is perfect for you…..so if losing this hot chick that isn’t perfect for you moves you closer to finding that other hot chick that IS perfect for you……how is that finishing last??

AMEN to this!!!!! I think if you are lucky enough to find the right person for you…The one who "completes" you and together you feel "whole"..well…that by NO means if finishing LAST, it’s more like winning the lottery that was a 1 in a million chance!

Just be yourself and NEVER try to change who you are to please anyone!!!

Thanks….I’m glad you liked it.

It’s so interesting to me that so many chase the hot chicks…simply because they are hot. I saw this so much in my Frat that it was kind of funny…but back then I was all caught up in it also but found that most of the ones I was chasing were just not right for me. Then I found one that was hot and good for me and wow….what an eye opening experience!

But you know…this concept isn’t just applicable to relationships. It can also apply to jobs, homes, friends or anything else we choose to have in our lives.
women don’t want a puppy dog for a boyfriend. I learned this years ago, but only started practicing it recently.
I’m so afraid for you, because you already hold her on this ridiculous pedestal, and that if anything could have her turn on you in the future. As long as she loves you for you (which will stand tyhe test of time after 8 months or so) she’s worth it. You should never change yourself just to keep a woman, either you are right together or you aren’t It’s a tough pill most people don’t like to swallow.
Most girls want a man who will treat them like a princess but is not afraid to put them in their place.

So, yes you can be "nice" and keep your woman.

Big thing is:

1. Don’t back down on things you WILL NEVER change (these are the things that define you and if you don’t know them then you don’t need to be dating and need to take some time to figure out who you are).

2. Never listen to what she SAYS. Always look at what she DOES. Actions speak much louder than words.

3. Don’t get too comfortable. If all you do is lay around the house and you never take her out, she’s going to get insanely bored with you.

4. Don’t be afraid to argue. Don’t wimp out when you disagree. Don’t be afraid to hurt her feelings. Learn the difference between "being there for her" and "giving her space".

5. Have a life outside of her. You don’t have to spend every day together. Have friends, have a social life, be your own person.

6. But above all else, don’t base your happiness on whether or not she’s happy. If you are with her because she makes you happy, then you are going to live a rough life. Be with her to SHARE your happiness with her and enrich each other’s lives.

You don’t have to be a dick to do these things, but sometimes you have to be really firm because a girl will shit test the shit out of you, push you to your limits, and push the boundaries almost all the fucking time just to see what you are made of.

Ditto! I always love "hearing" what Coottie has to say

(I only read this post)

Women respond when you provoke emotion from them. Many of them go back to the assholes who treat them like shit / abuse them / whatever because the guy provokes emotion from them (this is subconscious).

Don’t be the jerk who treats them like shit.

Be the guy who provokes them in positive ways. PUA push/pull is really effective. Look into and see if it’s something you’re comfortable doing. Being the nice guy/good guy puts you at a disadvantage, but it can work. Make sure you’re provoking emotion and keeping her interested. Don’t get complacent.
Cheers

Most girls want a man who will treat them like a princess but is not afraid to put them in their place.

So, yes you can be "nice" and keep your woman.

Big thing is:

1. Don’t back down on things you WILL NEVER change (these are the things that define you and if you don’t know them then you don’t need to be dating and need to take some time to figure out who you are).

2. Never listen to what she SAYS. Always look at what she DOES. Actions speak much louder than words.

3. Don’t get too comfortable. If all you do is lay around the house and you never take her out, she’s going to get insanely bored with you.

4. Don’t be afraid to argue. Don’t wimp out when you disagree. Don’t be afraid to hurt her feelings. Learn the difference between "being there for her" and "giving her space".

5. Have a life outside of her. You don’t have to spend every day together. Have friends, have a social life, be your own person.

6. But above all else, don’t base your happiness on whether or not she’s happy. If you are with her because she makes you happy, then you are going to live a rough life. Be with her to SHARE your happiness with her and enrich each other’s lives.

You don’t have to be a dick to do these things, but sometimes you have to be really firm because a girl will shit test the shit out of you, push you to your limits, and push the boundaries almost all the fucking time just to see what you are made of.

Took the words out of my mouth..

Well I’ll agree with that

I agree wtih everything you said except these 2 things. You shouldn’t be afraid to disagree but arguing really isn’t necessary. You can have a calm mature discussion about things instead of arguing.

And what exactly do you mean by "don’t be afraid to hurt her feelings"? I don’t think you should be trying to hurt someone’s feelings if you care about them. You should feel free to express your opinions and disagreements but you can do that tactfully without hurting the other person.

I agree wtih everything you said except these 2 things. You shouldn’t be afraid to disagree but arguing really isn’t necessary. You can have a calm mature discussion about things instead of arguing.

And what exactly do you mean by "don’t be afraid to hurt her feelings"? I don’t think you should be trying to hurt someone’s feelings if you care about them. You should feel free to express your opinions and disagreements but you can do that tactfully without hurting the other person.

It’s my sloppy way of saying not to be a pushover. Two things that keep a nice guy from standing up for himself is he doesn’t want to argue and he is afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.
I always calculate this by what you do when a girl doesn’t show interest in you.

I still dont know how to handle those situations, it’s almost like you can’t help but be needy.
there’s a fine line between being "nice" and being a sappy pushover. Be nice but don’t overdo it (this is a problem I had in the past). women don’t want to be treated like crap but they don’t a boring, wimpy momma’s boy either.
I think about it like that friend we’ve all had who just kinda hung around and sat on the couch, who really didn’t do anything. No one wants to hang out with that guy. If you don’t get out and have fun, while doing things other than sitting around being in love with the more recent woman, then of course the women will find other men to hang out with who are more enjoyable.

I’ve learned in the past few months to
1. Only call women when I have something to talk about or do…do not be the guy on the couch.

2. Be fun and be positive. I want the women I’m after to make my life more entertaining, they want the same thing.

3. Fuck them like a warrior, and break something like a lamp or a clock. You want it, and they want it too.

I’m really sweet, caring person. I’m working on making myself have fun and to trust women enough to not keep an eye on them 24/7 in fear of them cheating on me. I already have the sex part down, which is the easiest but an equally important part. Eventually I think emotional intimacy comes in, which I’ll probably fuck up, but not initially. If a woman has a guy who makes life fun, doesn’t bitch and whine all the time, and fucks like a chinese whore, what else could she want?

/thread

Hey Thanks!!

girls don’t love being treated like crap and the ones that do are not the ones you should be involved with to begin with, so push that thought out of your head.

it’s only been a month, emotions are running high, so go with them, but keep your head on straight. you should be nice and respectful, especially since you care for her. makes no sense not to.

if you think you’re going to get screwed, you will. therefore, stop thinking that way. there is some truth to that, mostly because nice isn’t good enough to keep a relationship going. if that’s all you have to offer her, then the relationship will fizzle out.

don’t get lazy nor complacent. put effort in to the relationship, offer her more than just "nice". keep her interest level high and don’t forget to be selfish to an extent. remember, she shouldn’t get lazy or complacent either. she should be putting in the effort and trying to keep your interest level high as well. if she does, then you should be doing the same in return.

since you say she’s crazy about you, it means you’re doing something right, so don’t worry about it too much or she’ll pick up on it.

I wouldn’t go that far. They like to be treated like you’ve got something going for you other than "her."

If you’ve got a life and you’re active, and she comprises a "portion" of your life, rather than half, or 3/4ths, then chances are you’ll be able to be a good guy and she won’t look down on you. Now if you seem needy or as though she’s worth more than you are, she’s going to abandon you.

Be polite and courteous, but don’t be a bitch.

Define treat her nice and respect her.

Men who don’t adhere to these qualities get their asses handed to them. You attract what you are most of the time. If you’re a douche, you’ll attract a douche, if you’re an idiot, that’s what you’ll get:

Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors consistently will do well with meeting attractive women.

a.) Has a HIGH amount of self-esteem; views himself as high-status

b.) Doesnt need any outside approval or attention from ANYONE to be happy

c.) Unself-concious; doesnt care what others thinks of him.

d.) Is NEVER insecure or nervous (espcially around desireable women), and he sub-communicates this in every little way.

e.) Self-confident; NEVER arrogant or insecure, POSSIBLY slightly-cocky. May tease women in a friendly way.

f.) Does not let outside events/other peoples opinions (See c.) emotionally destabilize him; is always in control of his emotions.

g.) Takes full responsibility for all of his actions.

h.) Never whines or complains to get approval or empathy; always accepts the world for exactly what it is.

i.) Judges people based on character and personality.. NOT outward appearance/material items.

j.) Can be brutally honest (while still being respectful) with everyone(including himself) and is not afraid to put someone in their place when they are out of line; isn’t afraid to speak his mind.

k.) Isn’t afraid to draw boundaries.

l.) Mature.. in every sense of the word.

m.) Has a PURPOSE in life that he never betrays and pro-actively/ambitiously works towards.

n.) Goal-oriented thinker; favors long-term gratification over short (See l.).

o.) Isn’t afraid to lead and take control of a situation; doesnt have hesitancy moving foward.

p.) Never feels ashamed for his sexual desires & needs; always sexually confident.

q.) Is always "himself", and is content with whatever that is (See a.).

r.) Doesn’t tolerate disrespect to himself, his property, or his time.

s.) Doesn’t let women use their sexual power to get anything (whether it be money, or self-respect) from him.

t.) Loyal

u.) Compassionate

v.) Independant

w.) Is perfectly happy and fufilled being single; sure, he’d like to find an attractive/beautiful/intelligent woman to spend time with but he doesnt NEED it.

x.) Comfortable in the presence of other high-status and/or sophisticated people.

y.) Doesnt experience jealousy; is perfectly fine when a woman exersizes her independence and encourages it; enjoys it when others shine

z.) Strong/confident/powerful body language (Stands up straight, doesnt break eye contact, doesnt have any nervous ticks, doesnt have quick/jerky movements, leans back out of self-confidence and lack of nervousness)

a1.) Doesn’t feel the need to compensate for himself through gifts, expensive restaurants (Doing either of these things from a place of confidence and high-value is on the other hand OKAY)

a2.) DOESNT invest all his emotion/time into a relationship too early on. He remains an ambiguous challenge

I think I just experienced a soul-changing experience. Really weird, but I think now I’m going to start acting like that.

EDIT: I was going to bitch about how so many women go for the assholes who abuse and mistreat them, but instead of whining I’m going to just wonder about that but not let it get to me. Fuck, I think I really am going to change. Seriously.

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