First off, I am 18, said woman is 27, and married. We met through a retail job, and hit it off, started talking all the time, and texting each other a lot. Everytime we see each other, I can’t help but put on a huge smile, she always does the same as well.

She talks about how her husband isn’t really there for her, they don’t see each other much, and rather than stay home with her when they are both off, would want to go party with people he doesn’t like. She says she wished he thought like I did. She has this second job as well, and has been wanting me to go work with her there, which I ended up doing. Now I see her everyday, and it hurts like fuck dealing with this and knowing she is married. She invites me to do things with her and her friends, and soon me and her are doing something together, a memorial for her religion or something, which her husband would never do because he is a different religion than her and doesn’t really support her in that way. I’ve never met her husband, and other than talking about his problems, and other things he has in common with me, she doesn’t really mention him much. She trys to get us alone to talk to each other quite often.

She is amazing and seems like the girl of my dreams… I know she likes me a lot, as a friend at least, and I would never give that up. I would also NEVER do anything romantic/sexual with her unless she admitted she was getting out of her current relationship. I am just trying to deal with the pain here, and it gets really difficult, ruins my day sometimes. I try to tell myself, ‘oh she is not my type’, ‘remember? she is MARRIED and TWENTY SEVEN’, ‘Your young, youll find someone more suited for you eventually, you have plenty of time, forget about her in this respect’. I know the best option would be to distance myself from her, but I am already pretty close to her, and I will not do that. I am one of twp of her GOOD friends, besides another girl from work.

I know exactly what I should do, but every time I see/talk to her, it gets more difficult. I am capable of forcing shit from my mind, but this has become incredibly difficult… Writing this out makes me feel a lot better, as I have not told anyone about my feelings for her, as most of my other friends know her, or know a friend that knows her, and it could get around and cause problems, we don’t need that drama… anyway, thanks for reading, and opinion/suggestions are welcome.
This isn’t going to end well for either of you, and you know that. Like you said, you know what you NEED to do. I suggest you follow that.

If you choose not too, that is up to you, but know that your heart will get stomped on in the process.

Best of luck to you
I say, to avoid any drama that you are not prepared for (confronting her husband, and maybe getting into physical/legal battles over it), it is better to define your relationship with her now. Like you said, if she is not committed to leaving her husband, don’t harbor any more illusion and make it clear with her that it is only friendship. It will probably really hurt you a lot, but this is a lot better than getting into the murky water of breaking up a marriage, especially at your age.
ugh.

I hate hearing stories like this, because it just makes me think of how many steps of escalation I can point out to the individual.

Just as a general rule of thumb: if you find yourself attracted to someone, and it’s not going to work out, minimize contact. Since you work with her, you will have to see her, but there should be NO reason to need to continue talking to her outside of work or texting her.

It’s good you realize that you and her would never work…her saying she wants to be with you or what not is not truly what she feels. She is probably just lonely, reaching out, and enjoying the attention from you and the feeling of flirting with another man.

On the other hand, you need to own up to the fact that you allowed your attraction to build to the point where it is causing you grief. You can’t fall for someone unless you make a choice to do so at some point.
thanks all. i know what i need to do, but its hard to actually do it
Odds are you’ll get burnt but you gotta play the hand you’ve got. I’ll disagree with the people here and say that you might as well give it a shot if she’s into it. Her marriage sucks and it isn’t going to last anyway, I wouldn’t feel bad about that. Just don’t develop some notion in your mind that she’s going to be available to you right away, or even at all, ever, because she is married.

This is most likely the route I will take. I absolutely will NOT do anything with her sexually/romantically unless she gets out of the marriage, but I will stay friends with her, even though it means a lot of pain for some time, and nothing is guaranteed. If it comes down to it, I’ll explain just that notion to her, and it will be up to her whether anything comes of it. For now, I guess I will have to keep her off my mind.
You can take this or leave it but I say this from experience DISTANCE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY!!!, if not you will only torture yourself down the road and it gets REAL ugly.

yep. I know someone who was once in the same position you’re in now. He wishes he would have run away the second her married ass started flirting with him. No good sir, no good!
You are her re-bound. Her husband doesn’t pay attention to her so she is using you for attention and to build up strength to leave him possibly. Either way it will turn out bad…REALLY bad. NEVER get involved with someone who is currently in a relationship or just recently out of one PERIOD!!!!
anyone have aim here, i would like to talk more about this if possible, and its much easier that way

pimpinpenguin050 ( i like penguins, and thought a pimpin penguin would be funny, so sue me =P )

anyway ill update this if anything happens, as i see her every day. i want to push her out of my mind, which i have done before, but still remains good friends with her. hard as fuck, but i will not strand her like that. im one of two of her only good friends…

cool, im off to bed though, hopefully we can talk tomorrow sometime
thanks

ahhhh that mentality, I remember that. Good luck man, for your own good just remember what I said.

no problem, ill be online on and off throughout the day.

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