Ok,

So I met this girl at a co workers New Years Party, its actually the co workers sister. Shes awesome we have a great time, we drink, yada yada yada.

We hang out a couple times a week after that, we had a great for V-Day, outside of the slight arguement about her sister and other BS, but we made up and all is well.

Unfortunately like most of my Asylum Brethren, my luck in past relationships has not been the greatest, they have either been destroyed by myself, or on the occasion a lying woman.

Lack of trust and other issues (mostly within me) plague my relationships and continue to haunt me.

I have friends that have said to let go of the past, I try but the past ones where I have been hurt have made the later ones suffer by myself destroying by not putting the effort, doing the romantic things I used to think I would do, or being the nice guy I was. These things mixed with a uncontrolable distrust lead me down a path that I now is self destructive.

Thoughts?

Cliffs: Same as other Asylum people, women making it harder to give my all into new relationship, trust, romance, etc.
Basically you should say to yourself, trust takes time, i use a reward system, the longer things go right, the more trust i allow towards the partner, this to prevent emotional damage as much as possible, previous emotional damage is blocking your mind from going any further, you have to bite thru it, and not judge your past on every new person that you meet. Value every person on their inner value, rather then on bad experiences from your past.
Everyone is colored by their past. You don’t need to forget about the past, you only need to have learned from it.

Consider a relationship an investment. From your past experience, you have a better understanding of what behavior nets a reward, and whether the reward will be short or long term, and therefore whether the investment (of money, time, etc) is worth that gain.

Now apply that knowledge to your current relationship.

For example, buying flowers. Can cost $14 or so, varying on how many and what type. This is generally a short term gain, with only minor long term effects.

Another example: Talking to her about your past relationships and why or how they did not work, and how to resolve issues so that history does not repeat itself. Let her know you have a lack of trust, and tell her why. Ask for understanding. This is an investment in time you both need to take. However, it has potential long term gain. Now you need to consider your communication skills, do you think you can aptly convey the message to her, that she will understand, and that you will keep an open forum rather than letting the conversation devolve into blaming others for your issues? If not, then you’ll probably not reap the potential long term benefit, thus the investment of time would be useless.

Maybe there is a right and a wrong way of talking about your own psychological issues, but from my experience it is never good to reveal your problems to women. Especially psychological problems. I believe women have a deep sense of hatred towards weaker men.

It’s a matter of showing the girl how you interpret their actions.

Every action is a mere action, behind that action only the actor knows the meaning. Each witness views the action and creates an interpretation of the action. That interpretation is dependent on the witness’s past, as our past colors how we view the world.

What each person in the relationship needs to convey is how their past colors their interpretation, with the understanding that it is merely one possible interpretation of the events, and it may be up to the actor to explain the true meaning of the action.

For instance, boy gives girl flower. Boy, the actor, understands his own action to mean love. Girl, the witness of Boy’s action, understands Boy’s action to mean he wants to get in her pants. Without explanation, Girl will reject Boy, all due to misunderstanding. This, of course, is an oversimplified illustration just to make a point.

In conclusion, it’s not that he has to show "weakness" or that he has some fault. He needs to convey his reasoning for interpreting certain actions of hers, and allow her to overcome that interpretation, should it be wrong.

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