Need some help with life, what direction to head?

I have been doing some serious thought as to where I am headed in life recently. Here is my story and I would appreciate if I was given some feedback on what would be best to do.

Well I started an engineering degree about 5 years ago and I am currently almost done with 6 classes remaining. However, starting in January I decided to do an 8 month work term 1000km away from home. I go back home in august then start school September and finish up in April 2009. I am currently working up in the mountains in BC in a little town of about 2000 people. It is a coal mine that I work at and pretty much all the employees are men. There are zero and I mean zero women here. That also makes it hard for me on this transition because when I left I was dating a girl and she was suppose to come down here and visit for a month in march. Well that feel through and she said that she felt we were going in opposite directions in life, which I do understand. This really added to my loneliness because she was one of my best friends. We still talk but that doesn’t make it any easier since I still have strong feelings for her. This isn’t the entire problem though, although it definitely doesn’t help.

The thing is that since I have worked here for these two months I am really starting to realize how much I don’t like engineering. The work isn’t that bad or anything I just generally don’t like what engineers do. I see some of the senior engineers up here and it seems like they just work their asses off and for what? Do they do it for the pay, because even then there are so many other jobs where the school is easier and the pay is better that they could be doing. They work their asses off so the company can flourish. Do they do it to support their families? Well there are other jobs that you could have passion for and like where you could still do this. I started to question as to why I actually decided to go into engineering and I came up with a conclusion. I figured I went into it because at the time I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life. I was really lost and just figured engineering was good because it was a solid and respectful position. Since being out here though a lot has changed. I realize that I would be miserable if I were to live this life. I have also become a little depressed with my situation as well because of where I am at in life right now. As I grew up throughout my life I pushed myself so hard to be the best at everything that I did. In school I always tried hard, in university I always tried hard, in sports I always pushed myself to be the most dominate player that I could be and I push myself every day to become a better person. While most my friends would be just coasting thru life, I would work my ass off every day. A lot of my friends would sleep in and go out on the weekends where as I would have to work on other things like jobs at this time and additional homework because I was too busy with school during the week for a job during the week. It seems as though I was living my life to compete with others and that hinder me in finding what I was truly passionate about in life. I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I didn’t like engineering but I didn’t want to be viewed as a failure so I pressed on. I pushed myself to the limit and for what. Just to finally realize once I am all alone with only my thoughts now to impress that this definitely not what I want out of life.

I am also a person who strives on self improvement outside of school. I do a word of the day every day to expand my vocabulary so I will have increased credibility in future business ventures or even debates among other peers. I research outside the realms of the media and forum unbiased opinions on topics throughout the world. I strive to understand real estate, investing, web design and poker, since I believe these are tools that will help me to become financially independent in the future by opening up my own business that I am truly passionate about. I read up on evolution and philosophy to help me understand life. These things interest me because they involve self improvement and that is what I find liberating. I don’t enjoy going to the bars anymore or playing drinking games because I am so obsessed with improving myself I see these things as a waste of time. I see all my friends do these things and I almost wish I could just be like them and find those things fun. That is the fact though, I don’t. However, I will still participate because that is what a majority of people do and I will just follow the commoners, at the same time though I will continue to push myself. I think that is what I did with school. I followed people because going to university was the successful thing to do, I just pushed myself into something just so I could be better it seems. And now, all my friends seem to be doing something they enjoy, with a good gf and here I am away from everyone and everything I know and working a job I just hate. It is depressing because what the hell did I put all that time and effort in for. I thought I was doing all this so I could be in a better spot than a lot of my friends in the future but now I feel that all the time I put in was a complete waste. I feel that the time I put in hasn’t put me in that much of a superior position at all. I worked my ass off and for what. To work at some mine up in the mountains? Sure I get to go snowboarding like 5 days a week and fishing and golfing but when you have no people you care about to share those activities with, they start to become trivial. I come home working during the day at a job that doesn’t challenge me and a job that I don’t find stimulating at all to an apartment that is empty and bland. Nights I will spend my time either snowboarding, reading or playing poker. Now, while being up here though I have realized some important issues and am starting to truly understand what I want out of life. I don’t want to be an engineer I would rather even be a teacher. I am very social and I can’t even communicate with any people at work because most of them are simple put, engineers. Another thing that bothers me is that by being up here I might be passing up opportunities to meet someone who I will want to spend my life with in the future. There is no way I am putting myself in a situation to meet people living in a small miners town. I see my friends moving in with their gf’s and getting married and then there is me, living in solitary all alone. Just makes me think what am I really doing up here, now that I understand I don’t want to do engineering is there any reason to continue on with my internship? Should I go home and work a summer job doing something I enjoy. I have never taken the time to actually do anything I enjoy. My jobs have always put me in a bad mood and im sick of it. What the hell for, if I am not passionate about my job then what else is there. I don’t have to support a family, I have realized all there is to know about this one specific job up here and I am feeling isolated and depressed.

Now, me and a buddy have decided and have had this mindset for the past couple years that we want to open up our own business. We are thinking of moving to Thailand to research everything we can, start websites and play poker to support ourselves because we both don’t want to be stuck in the 8-5 job of life doing something we aren’t passionate about. We want to open our own business and everything and find what interests us because we realize this is more important than having a shit load of money in the future. If your business flourishes then for sure you will make money, but even if it is mediocre and I am working like 12 hours a day in something I am passionate about I think I would be happier doing that with a friend then sitting at some desk as an engineer figuring out why something broke and trying to come up with a conclusion. So it isn’t like I don’t have any direction at all, but I just feel like I am wasting my time up here to prove something to myself and everyone else, I can do this. I know I can but if im not happy what im doing than why even bother. I feel I have learnt everything I can from the job so why not go home for the summer and just do something I enjoy for once? I could spend the day reading about business and about webdesign and then just work a partime job at a golf course or something. I think it would do me a lot of good because I have never done anything that I truly wanted to do.

What do you guys think? Can you show me some pros and cons and help me in my decision making process. I don’t want you guys to make my decision but rather maybe help me see something that I can’t.

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