Hi all…I received some really bad news just a few minutes ago…

My brother and sister-in-law just found out yesterday that my sister-in-law has a very serious cancer in her abdomen, a blood clot in her lung and left leg, and due to the tumor pressing on her right kidney..the kidney is starting to fail. She is going to start a clinical trial of a very new chemotherapy (I don’t know the name of it because my brother couldn’t remember it). The doctor’s are giving her a 50% chance of surviving. This is a very difficult time for our family. She is only 38 yrs old and has two kid’s 11yr old son and 9 yr old daughter. Please keep her in your prayers and if anyone has any suggestions on what in the heck I can say to help my brother out please let me know. I am at a total loss here because I really don’t want to say things like "there’s a reason for everything" crap and make him even more depressed.

Just let him know that you are there for him and that if they need something not to hesitate to call.

It’s all going to be "repetitive" to him, but the best thing is to just be there for him if he needs you. It’s not about what YOU say, sometimes. Sometimes it’s just about letting HIM talk and you listen. Things like this are usually situations that a person just needs to vent about. Do that for him.

.

Good luck hun, I hope everything works out for the family .

Stay strong, your vibes will only help others.
All I can say is stay strong for him and be there for him the best way you know how. I know that’s kinda shitty advise but it’s all I got. She and your family are in my prayers.

The best possible suggestion I can give is do your homework and find the best oncologist in the country that you can see and afford. It sounds like she’s already made her decision though.
I talked to my sister-in-law last night. She asked me if she doesn’t make it through this would I take legal guardianship over her kid’s (my brother is not their father but step-dad). I asked her why she was not considering my brother doing this. She said that she knows he is a very good father to the children and always will be, but she knows that I am an excellent, loving, caring, compassionate, yet stern mother. She said she wants to know that her kid’s would have a mom like me if anything happened to her. She also said if I say no then my brother would take guardianship.

I told her I would have to give it some serious thought because this is a very serious decision that I just can not answer quickly.

In one respect I do not want to even think about this sort of thing because I want to believe she will make it through this. In the other I know the odds are not real good and she has to prepare for the worst.

I am at a total loss here. I know my brother will be (and has been for 8 yrs now) a great dad for those kid’s (their own father is serving a life sentence in prison and has lost all right to the kid’s). I guess I am just really confused. My brother said he is willing and ready to be their dad and keep them, but his wife feels like the kid’s need a full-time mom more then a full-time dad???? I personally don’t understand this method of thought.

Her daughter says "Aunt Melissa will you be my mommy if something happens to my mom?" …this is just killing me inside. I love those kid’s like my very own niece and nephew…but God, I have three kid’s of my own not to mention a fourth child (my bf’s daughter)..I seriously do not believe I could mentally handle two more kid’s. Financial responsibility is not an issue because my sister-in-law has a hugh life insurance policy that goes to whoever has custody of the kid’s.

I talked this over with my bf last night and he says that he will support whatever I decide to do. If I want to do this we will move into a bigger place and make the room, if I do not want to do this he will go with me tomorrow and stand by my side when I tell her I can’t do it.

Bottom line is I really do not want or believe I can handle the added responsibility of two more children. I know that I am going to have to tell her "no" but why do I feel so horrible about this? I guess I feel like, if she doesn’t make it, I am denying a dying person their last request…ugh!!! Plus, I’m kind of angry because I feel like her talking like this means she is giving up the fight.

Sorry this post is so long…I’m just truly struggling with this whole mess right now
I’ve gone through cancer. I feel that the most important thing is to have strong support from your family. Asking you to take care of her kids is putting a lot of responsibility on you though. She’s probably not thinking clearly and being over-dramatic. They’re your brother’s responsibility. Keeping a positive attitude is also very important for her.
There are two huge things here – the first is that your brother’s wife, someone you are clearly close to, has a devastating diagnosis. She’s a young mother and may die. It’s sad that she is so ill, I hope that the drug trial goes well and that her care providers keep her as comfortable as possible during this ordeal. Regardless of the outcome, your own reserves of strength and patience and time will be tapped. Hang in there. Many of us have been where you are, it’s ok to come and spill out the million thoughts a minute that you’re having.

The second huge thing is that she has asked you to take guardianship. I think the initial panic that you are feeling is natural given the situation, your brain is trying to process a lot. Obviously you have to have a conversation with the mom, your brother, your bf. Has your brother adopted the children? Does she have parents who might want custody? Do the kids birth father have parents who want to be in the picture? It’s wonderful that the mom is thinking of what she may leave behind. But if you (and your bf) and your dad and her family can be counted on as a support system, there is no reason that your brother shouldn’t have custody.

Good luck with everything
I’m sorry My grandpa died of stomach cancer. She’s so young though, that sucks.
Well, I have decided to tell her that I just can not handle that sort of responsibility. I will however, be there for my brother and at least be a positive female figure in their life and always answer any questions they may have about her.

My brother told me today she was talking about just giving up because she is soo damned sick. I feel like I am also going to talk to her about not giving up even if it is tough, that she has to think about fighting for her kid’s if nothing else. Let her know that we are all here to help and lean on right now and we will never lose faith that she can make it. Hell, they told me that my daughter had a 0.1% chance of surviving her open heart surgeries at 1 month old but I never gave up on her and she fought like hell to live. She is now 15 yrs old and fairly healthy. She only had a 0.1% chance and they are giving my sister-in-law a 50% chance…I don’t know maybe I’m just a "glass is half full" kind of person. However, you can’t win a war much less smaller battles if you just give up. Sometimes I wish I could take this away from her and fight it myself…Okay, now I’m babbling again…I’m just an emotional wreck right now…UGH!!! It is just so God damned unfair that this sort of shit always happens to good people and not to assholes that deserve worse…
Good luck to your sister-in-law as well as the rest of the family.

I hope she stops thinking that giving up is the best option. It may be the easiest, but she should fight even if its just to stay alive to watch her kids grow up.

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