ok, so my life is officially crazy v.random girl for my vacation

I was not excited about going to the wine country for a week alone, but suddenly I’ve found myself in a sittuation where a woman I work with asked me to go out with her to pick up on other singles…in tandem. I thought, hey, this will be great. Nothing better to meet women than an attractive women in my company.

Well, we ran around town and didn’t talk to anyone else. We enjoyed each other’s company apparently.

Yesterday she and I went to lunch, I expected a group of her friends in the office, but they went somewhere else. It was just the two of us.

She said she was jealous about me going to Napa and said "I want to go." So I’m a dumbass and said, "why don’t you."

Well today she has plane tickets, I have hotel and vineyard cottage reservations (complimentary because I’m a baller) in the Redwood Forrest, and I’m pretty confused / scared / stupid / wtf is going on? I know, don’t date work people.

Judging from the emails and constant text messaging from her, I don’t really think I’m in the friend zone. I know how to determine if I’m in the friend zone, and will take care of that…but frankly I’m going to wait until I’m drinking wine in the redwood forest on the top of a hill overlooking the vineyard and ocean before I do it. lol

Frankly I’m happy to have company from a woman who’s attractive, has a job, educated, left her last BF because things were dying and she didn’t want to cheat…too bad she works in the same building on different programs.
I told you going to that wedding would be a good idea Please please please dont fuck this up. Normally I say stay away from co-workers but you NEED this. Play it very cool with her and see where it goes

this is the plan. I’m busy this weekend, so I can’t fuck it up there, and I’ll have to figure out something for next weekend. I’m good at breaking out of the friend zone. I’m kinda pumped about this deal. This chick is not the kind of girl you meet in bars, but wants to be single since she just split up with a long term. Hopefully she’ll see that I’m more fun than the average bear. I mean shit, if I’m not eating at a bad ass hole in the wall or fashionable restaurant, going to see a bad ass band, going on a road trip for whatever reason, then I have something else going on every weekend. Maybe most guys are really boring, and that’s why women constantly whore around.
I don’t really see what issue you’re having here…. Enjoy yourself. /thread
(this is same guy right?)I told you the wedding was a good idea…. i thought you were bitching about it costing too much?

i dont see the issue. you just got to kiss her next time you get together. once you grow the balls and TAKE YOUR KISS. YOU OWN THAT SHIT. ITS her body but its YOUR KISS. TAKE IT. once you take it, not only are you getting laid in napa but you are prolly not going to have to post here til shit goes south…unless its about something minor..

werd

(this is same guy right?)I told you the wedding was a good idea…. i thought you were bitching about it costing too much?

i dont see the issue. you just got to kiss her next time you get together. once you grow the balls and TAKE YOUR KISS. YOU OWN THAT SHIT. ITS her body but its YOUR KISS. TAKE IT. once you take it, not only are you getting laid in napa but you are prolly not going to have to post here til shit goes south…unless its about something minor..

I planned on this last time, with little steps up to the kiss., but she gave me a bad vibe before she went home.

I was not excited about going to the wine country for a week alone, but suddenly I’ve found myself in a sittuation where a woman I work with asked me to go out with her to pick up on other singles…in tandem. I thought, hey, this will be great. Nothing better to meet women than an attractive women in my company.

Well, we ran around town and didn’t talk to anyone else. We enjoyed each other’s company apparently.

Yesterday she and I went to lunch, I expected a group of her friends in the office, but they went somewhere else. It was just the two of us.

Oooewwwwwww Ooooewwwwwwww she’s got a big ol’e sloppy crush on you, Oooooewwwwww.

She said she was jealous about me going to Napa and said "I want to go." So I’m a dumbass and said, "why don’t you."

Translation: I like you, I wish I was going with you so I could nail you.

Well today she has plane tickets, I have hotel and vineyard cottage reservations (complimentary because I’m a baller) in the Redwood Forrest, and I’m pretty confused / scared / stupid / wtf is going on? I know, don’t date work people.

Befriend her for now, see where it leads. I know, it’s a risk, but maybe she knows other people, maybe this is a great opportunity to be social! I’m not saying you should pursue a relationship though, not romantically anyway, but I think it’s a great idea to go with the flow.

Judging from the emails and constant text messaging from her, I don’t really think I’m in the friend zone. I know how to determine if I’m in the friend zone, and will take care of that…but frankly I’m going to wait until I’m drinking wine in the redwood forest on the top of a hill overlooking the vineyard and ocean before I do it. lol

Remember what I said in the other post.

Frankly I’m happy to have company from a woman who’s attractive, has a job, educated, left her last BF because things were dying and she didn’t want to cheat…too bad she works in the same building on different programs.

I’m happy too. Company is good, just make sure you don’t confuse the lines and let them blur.

again, if you dont go for it you automatically fail.

if you try and she says no, then you can play it off and blame it on the moment. get some booze into both of you first
dude, the more you plan the more you’re going to fuck up… and i don’t see how this is "crazy"

sorry, but it seems like every time you do, or don’t have problems with women you come in here trying to get opinions in wich people give you 50 alternatives… you’re just going to have to learn from your mistakes and what does and doesn’t work for you.

You need to read this post every time you think about coming in here to talk about how horrible your life is and what a loser you are. You are always saying you are boring and have nothing going on and nothing to talk about.

holy shit!

Yeah… but do you LIKE her ? You’re still objectively analyzing here, as if she was submitting a resume.

What a poser. Stop pretending to be pathetic.

to threadstarter.

The truth shall set you free……biatch.

I see him in the thread.

yeah, I have to watch that shit. I’m into the girl. Its nice to have a woman around who has better things to talk about than the time Tony Romo hit on her and she rejected him because he wasn’t famous at the time. She intelligent, like myself.

Maybe when you are judging someone, you could as yourself "how do I fell about that person RIGHT NOW? why am I in logical mode at this time?". Still man, hope you’ll enjoy it.
at this point I have the attraction and comfort, now I need to work on the seduction side. She called me up to meet her and a friend at a bar, but its kinda far from home, and it will probably do me some good to let her not have me around at her beck and call…I have better things to do than be totally available at her will…but doesn’t that also give her a chance to find another dude to latch on to?

Anyway I know what to do to sex it up a bit, just need to get another chance to go out and take care of it. I’m kinda worried about getting nervous / worked up about sex and psyching myself out.

So, I probably shouldn’t meet up with her tonight…right?

at this point I have the attraction and comfort, now I need to work on the seduction side. She called me up to meet her and a friend at a bar, but its kinda far from home, and it will probably do me some good to let her not have me around at her beck and call…I have better things to do than be totally available at her will…but doesn’t that also give her a chance to find another dude to latch on to?

Anyway I know what to do to sex it up a bit, just need to get another chance to go out and take care of it. I’m kinda worried about getting nervous / worked up about sex and psyching myself out.

So, I probably shouldn’t meet up with her tonight…right?

This is in no means the time to worry about her finding another guy. You are totally right when you say you have to make sure she knows you won’t come to her every call. It makes you seem like you have a life, and that is really sexy to a woman. I hope you told her you just had other plans

Again, you need to play it cool. Girls feed off confidence. Sometimes the less you say the better. I don’t mean to be silent, but keep her guessing, jokingly flirt with her, tease her, etc. It’ll drive her nuts considering she seems to have such a thing for you so easily.
so I was going to go out with this chick this weekend, but I have a cold.

I think its safe to say that she isn’t going to send text messages like "hi" at 1am to her "friend," and the same logic on a text message at 9am…lol.

I’ll invite her to see The Reverend Horton Heat next week. It will make me extra cool considering my sister works with the REv’s wife, and we get the VIP treatment.

lol

so I was going to go out with this chick this weekend, but I have a cold.

I think its safe to say that she isn’t going to send text messages like "hi" at 1am to her "friend," and the same logic on a text message at 9am…lol.

I’ll invite her to see The Reverend Horton Heat next week. It will make me extra cool considering my sister works with the REv’s wife, and we get the VIP treatment.

lol

Niiiiice. Keep up the good work.
bro, this chick is on the rebound, dont expect anything longterm, just bang her till it runs out.

this is the plan. I’m not trying to get married here. I haven’t had any action in a while, I need to play around for a while before I consider locking anything in.
more dates tonight. Dinner at my favorite hole-in-the-wall, authentic Japanese restaurant. Hopefully she orders the bull penis so I’ll know what she has planned for me.

Oooewwwwwww Ooooewwwwwwww she’s got a big ol’e sloppy crush on you, Oooooewwwwww.

Translation: I like you, I wish I was going with you so I could nail you.

Haha, laugh #1.

more dates tonight. Dinner at my favorite hole-in-the-wall, authentic Japanese restaurant. Hopefully she orders the bull penis so I’ll know what she has planned for me.

Laugh #2, haha.

Good luck bro, you got it in the bag!
Date went pretty well. I kissed her at the bar. It was kinda weird I think for her, she reciprocated. No heavy petting or anything, I think she may be a little prudish. I was pretty smooth…lol. She commented something about "I didn’t know you liked me," so i thought that pretty much made it a safe move. It wasn’t like out of the blue or anything, she had a couple kisses on the cheek and shit like that crap so it wouldn’t be such a dramatic jump to a real kiss.

Hopefully I didn’t fuck this shit up, I don’t think I did. Regardless, I’m going to chase bar whores tonight.

Date went pretty well. I kissed her at the bar. It was kinda weird I think for her, she reciprocated. No heavy petting or anything, I think she may be a little prudish. I was pretty smooth…lol. She commented something about "I didn’t know you liked me," so i thought that pretty much made it a safe move. It wasn’t like out of the blue or anything, she had a couple kisses on the cheek and shit like that crap so it wouldn’t be such a dramatic jump to a real kiss.

Hopefully I didn’t fuck this shit up, I don’t think I did. Regardless, I’m going to chase bar whores tonight.

Listen to you now Mr. Confident Good going though.

Date went pretty well. I kissed her at the bar. It was kinda weird I think for her, she reciprocated. No heavy petting or anything, I think she may be a little prudish. I was pretty smooth…lol. She commented something about "I didn’t know you liked me," so i thought that pretty much made it a safe move. It wasn’t like out of the blue or anything, she had a couple kisses on the cheek and shit like that crap so it wouldn’t be such a dramatic jump to a real kiss.

Hopefully I didn’t fuck this shit up, I don’t think I did. Regardless, I’m going to chase bar whores tonight.

At least you’re having a good weekend.

I took the "swim" option. Hopefully I didn’t fuck this up. I think the chick is somewhat afraid of me.
Confirmed ‘non friendzone’ relationship.

Top man! Got my fingers crossed for you bro.

Afraid?
Can someone remind me of what my realistic expectations should be for this trip?

My reality today is that I essentially removed myself from any possibility of friendzoning last weekend, assuming that she’s not just going with the flow because there’s a trip involved and the girl still talks to me and hangs out in my office for like 30 minutes per day at random. I’m really think she and I need something to set us off, and its going to be like wild-kingdom in the vineyard.

I mean, I’m going to the most romantic place on the continent with a chick who just got out of a 3-year relationship (she’s only been on roughly 5-8 dates with men other than myself in the 6 weeks since the break-up), she has every reason to deal with my unwanted advances to enjoy the trip and not deal with making an uncomfortable sittuation. Right now I am considering the option of a moderately romantic week together with lots of fun and friends around, and then I’ll take a total back-seat on the deal and see if she comes back for more once we return home…but I expect it to fizzle.

The last time I had anything like a GF was roughly 8 years ago and she was shitty to me, and I over-reacted (internally) so bad that I haven’t really given women another try since because I don’t want to deal with disappointment again…and at the same time I don’t want to be finished / married / done enjoying the ability to go to any bar I choose and get VD from whichever brunette has the shortest skirt. Its possible that all the signs may be there, but I’m so opposed to emotion in general that I’ve subconsciously blocked them out and I’m avoiding them because my solitude is a constant I know how to deal with.

I’m also considering that all these emotions I’ve had where I wanted to do queer shit like cook for her (fuck, I’m an moderately educated cook), share some of the vintage wine in the case, take her to the track with me, go to the bar/club or general shit I won’t go to alone…and all that crap that I’m not typing out could be experienced with anyone, not just her. Its been almost a decade since I’ve had anything like this, and I’m not in my 30’s. But then, I think about shit like how I don’t have any control over what happens with her, and it might be easier to go back to doing whatever the fuck I want when I want, which I’ve missed out on because my self-esteem has been so low. I don’t know anyone happy in a relationship.
Well considering she’s recently out of a long relationship I would more just advise not to get too caught up in her…she might just be on the rebound wanting to have fun. That’s not to say I don’t doubt that she likes you, but a lot of girls convince themselves to not get into anything serious too fast. My guess though is she’s really digging you because you are coming off kind of mysterious to her.

My worry is that just because of this one girl you are going to get overly cocky though. I mean it’s great that you seem to finally be feeling confident about yourself and what you have to offer….Just please don’t start blowing this girl off to find more "bar whores" as you put it so eloquently before.

In other words, stop scolding yourself for wanting to do things for/with this girl (cooking, sharing a good wine, etc). She’s not a fucking leper. You seem to like her and she likes you, so just enjoy yourself for now and take it day by day! If you go on the vacation and think the mood is right then try to escalate your physical relationship. If you go on the vacation and things don’t work out for the better don’t get down; you really can go out and try to meet other women.

not cocky at all, i just realized that I can do this. I hugged up to a random chick on saturday night, and had my pick over three. I have another girl lined up for thursday night who I met at Target yesterday. I don’t want to make any girl feel bad, especially after I’ve felt so bad for so long. I literally stood up and went "holy fucking shit, I can do this" a few days ago.

The real challenge is going to be how I handle this after the trip. I have to stay far enough removed to not make her feel like she’s in a relationship, but still close enough that she can get it if she wants it and I’m still available…assuming I still want this girl around. I may not, but I’m definitely enjoying the possibilities and the companionship.

I know this is what normal people do, but is it worth the vulnerability risk? That’s the real question. Frankly, I don’t think it is at this moment, ask me again tomorrow. I’m about to make a bad ass meal…too bad i am only going to make it for one.

thanks for all the help btw.

not cocky at all, i just realized that I can do this. I hugged up to a random chick on saturday night, and had my pick over three. I have another girl lined up for thursday night who I met at Target yesterday. I don’t want to make any girl feel bad, especially after I’ve felt so bad for so long. I literally stood up and went "holy fucking shit, I can do this" a few days ago.

The real challenge is going to be how I handle this after the trip. I have to stay far enough removed to not make her feel like she’s in a relationship, but still close enough that she can get it if she wants it and I’m still available…assuming I still want this girl around. I may not, but I’m definitely enjoying the possibilities and the companionship.

I know this is what normal people do, but is it worth the vulnerability risk? That’s the real question. Frankly, I don’t think it is at this moment, ask me again tomorrow. I’m about to make a bad ass meal…too bad i am only going to make it for one.

thanks for all the help btw.

I think from what you say that you don’t feel like you want to be exclusive or to be committed to a girl right now. I’m guessing that’s because you begin to realize that objectively you see yourself as great (good cook, good health, respectful, intelligent and so on) but subjectively you see yourself as an ass. I guess that you’ve begun to see that discrepancy and that your subjective view is beginning to change.

You seem to want to be with someone and share some quality time
(" I’m about to make a bad ass meal…too bad i am only going to make it for one.") but this seems like you want to be close to someone, share moments, but not a "relationship" so to speak. Maybe that’s because what you want emotionally (closeness, understanding, spending quality time with someone) is somewhat incompatible with what you want sexually (look around and maybe compensate for the time you’ve spent without a woman).

If I’m right with this, it seems like you are almost feeling like "rebounding" too. If that girls is looking for a rebound, well, you both want similar things.

But stop thinking so much about "how and why" you should do stuff for some time, you know where it lead you ! For now, just live and by living stuff you’ll get to know what you want or not and you’ll be able to decide afterwards.
It refreshing to see a thread like this from you man.

Good luck with this. You’ve needed this for a long time.

I think from what you say that you don’t feel like you want to be exclusive or to be committed to a girl right now. I’m guessing that’s because you begin to realize that objectively you see yourself as great (good cook, good health, respectful, intelligent and so on) but subjectively you see yourself as an ass. I guess that you’ve begun to see that discrepancy and that your subjective view is beginning to change.

You seem to want to be with someone and share some quality time
(" I’m about to make a bad ass meal…too bad i am only going to make it for one.") but this seems like you want to be close to someone, share moments, but not a "relationship" so to speak. Maybe that’s because what you want emotionally (closeness, understanding, spending quality time with someone) is somewhat incompatible with what you want sexually (look around and maybe compensate for the time you’ve spent without a woman).

If I’m right with this, it seems like you are almost feeling like "rebounding" too. If that girls is looking for a rebound, well, you both want similar things.

But stop thinking so much about "how and why" you should do stuff for some time, you know where it lead you ! For now, just live and by living stuff you’ll get to know what you want or not and you’ll be able to decide afterwards.

you’re comments are shockingly accurate.

Feel free to post your thoughts just as you did before. That’s what drives this thread, and all I do is to rephrase what you say so that you are aware of what you’re actually saying/thinking/feeling.

I have realized that I can do this with women. However, I don’t need the variety per say. If one girl can keep me entertained intellectually, sexually, and activity-wise, then I’ll be happy.

I have also remembered what it was like to deal with all that pain, for so long. I don’t know that its worth it again. I had a lot of fun going to the track constantly and building up this miata. I don’t have to worry about it making me feel bad.

I have realized that I can do this with women. However, I don’t need the variety per say. If one girl can keep me entertained intellectually, sexually, and activity-wise, then I’ll be happy.

I have also remembered what it was like to deal with all that pain, for so long. I don’t know that its worth it again. I had a lot of fun going to the track constantly and building up this miata. I don’t have to worry about it making me feel bad.

You’re learning a lot as you go. Make sure you’re building your house on a foundation of stone and cement rather than sand.

It’s important to understand that it’s alright to keep your guard up man. You can withhold and gradually give information or feelings to a woman as she proves herself to you.

If you attempt to connect physically the sexual activity will be empty. Because it’s what’s going on inside that you’re really trying to fulfill. You want the affection of the mental bond, without the risk, and you just can’t have it both ways.

Your challenge is going to be overcoming the hurts from the past, as well as changing some of the ways you’ve lived for so long. If new ideas you try out are successful and gradually continue to be, you’ll find the past isn’t keeping your a prisoner, you’ll feel like "Hey, it can be different, it doesn’t have to be miserable."

You need to know what you want though, and that can take sometime and thought, and if you want to take a risk, you need to be prepared for the consequences while not falling prey to despair.

Build on stone, not sand. Remember.

Do you think you have realistic expectations regarding this ?

You think a lot about the bad parts of a relationship. What about the good parts ?
You seem to think that by trying to avoid relationships, you’ll end up avoiding the pain associated with them and you’ll gladly abandon the possible joy for this. But did avoiding relationship REALLY made you escape the pain ? Go back to some threads/posts you’ve done about your issues with a lack of relationship !

Sure, relationships mean that you’ll have to accept some uncertainty, some pain too. But you’ll get some moments that you wouldn’t be able to get when by yourself while still being able to get those "alone" moments that you cherish (assuming that you make it clear that you still want them).

It’s a bit negative, but I think we all have to face that we WILL suffer and we WILL be unhappy many times. Maybe being alone makes you feel in control of this, but relationships can bring you some kind of happiness that you won’t experience otherwise. Sure, these won’t happen all the time. I think it’s still worth it though.

Do you think you have realistic expectations regarding this ?

You think a lot about the bad parts of a relationship. What about the good parts ?
You seem to think that by trying to avoid relationships, you’ll end up avoiding the pain associated with them and you’ll gladly abandon the possible joy for this. But did avoiding relationship REALLY made you escape the pain ? Go back to some threads/posts you’ve done about your issues with a lack of relationship !

Sure, relationships mean that you’ll have to accept some uncertainty, some pain too. But you’ll get some moments that you wouldn’t be able to get when by yourself while still being able to get those "alone" moments that you cherish (assuming that you make it clear that you still want them).

It’s a bit negative, but I think we all have to face that we WILL suffer and we WILL be unhappy many times. Maybe being alone makes you feel in control of this, but relationships can bring you some kind of happiness that you won’t experience otherwise. Sure, these won’t happen all the time. I think it’s still worth it though.

yes, I think that is an accurate statement where I can handle monogamy if I’m entertained.

I won’t have answers for the more complex comments/discussion for a while I assume.

yes, I think that is an accurate statement where I can handle monogamy if I’m entertained.

I won’t have answers for the more complex comments/discussion for a while I assume.

That’s ok, do what you have to do. It’s a process, not overnight.
should I talk to this girl and let her know that there are no expectations from me on what goes on as long as we don’t start something on this trip that we can’t "finish" and still work in the same building?

Me personally, I would leave things unpoken, and just demonstrate with my action my intent.

.

Don’t lay out a "possible floor plan".

Let things happen.
I would be clear going in with what I was going to do (or at least more than likely), because if you’re ambivalent, and go in — you’ll be controlled by impulse. You’ll put yourself in situations you can’t turn back from.

Decide where you stand, because fence sitting doesn’t work in these cases.

I would be clear going in with what I was going to do (or at least more than likely), because if you’re ambivalent, and go in — you’ll be controlled by impulse. You’ll put yourself in situations you can’t turn back from.

Decide where you stand, because fence sitting doesn’t work in these cases.

good point. Whatever happens will be fine, but I know which path I desire.
so I just got friend zoned. The chick told me she had a blind date she didn’t want to go on, and that she was going out of her way to get home early tomorrow night so we could get on the plane on saturday morning.

I can still pull this off though.

Yup. Ignore it. Girls "dating" guys isn’t a red flag.

That’d leave me with very few dates

At the same time, I’m single but I’ve had good experiences

so I just got friend zoned. The chick told me she had a blind date she didn’t want to go on, and that she was going out of her way to get home early tomorrow night so we could get on the plane on saturday morning.

I can still pull this off though.

At least you no longer have to worry about you maybe falling in love with you. This is a good thing IMO. I think she does have feelings for you, no doubt in my mind. Just enjoy your weekend with her and see where it goes.

so I just got friend zoned. The chick told me she had a blind date she didn’t want to go on, and that she was going out of her way to get home early tomorrow night so we could get on the plane on saturday morning.

I can still pull this off though.

WTF? Where do you get friendzoned out of that? She said that she didn’t want to go on the date and that she wanted to get home early to get ready for the trip with you. None of that has anything to do with being friendzoned. It sounds like you are trying to sabatoge things before they even happen.

I do kinda feel bad for the guy though. They’re probably going to some shitty restaurant and some fagmo bar…when we’ve gone out to the hottest bars in dallas, Tony Romo sent shots our way, we’ve never paid a bar tab at 5 spots over 2 dates, and had complimentary dinner at a 4-star one night.

Still, I’m not telling her about anything I’ve done with strange women over the weekend.
so the girl tells me she canceled the date, and we’re jet setting tomorrow. We’ll see if I or she come back alive.

I do kinda feel bad for the guy though. They’re probably going to some shitty restaurant and some fagmo bar…when we’ve gone out to the hottest bars in dallas, Tony Romo sent shots our way, we’ve never paid a bar tab at 5 spots over 2 dates, and had complimentary dinner at a 4-star one night.

Still, I’m not telling her about anything I’ve done with strange women over the weekend.

I’m thinking that you’re finally having a good time !
I fear that you’re going to break even with your habit of seeing yourself negatively with another bad habit of judging people with an arrogant attitude. Just try not to replace a bad habit with another one !

Hope you don’t kill her

I’m thinking that you’re finally having a good time !
I fear that you’re going to break even with your habit of seeing yourself negatively with another bad habit of judging people with an arrogant attitude. Just try not to replace a bad habit with another one !

Agreed, that would do enormous damage in itself. Given arrogance is simply another facade for the same insecurities and issues below the surface.

that would make an interesting twist for the thread
black jesus, you go through more highs and lows than my portfolio… maybe you shouldn’t even be dating until you can figure yourself out.
just checking in. Everything is more fucking bad ass than anything you could ever imagine.

We’re staying a few extra days too…lol.

back to wine, cheese, and san fran gays.
I was waiting patiently for your update. We better get a good one later!

.
Sounds like this trip you were despairing over turned out to be a bit different than expected.

Funny how things change, isn’t it?

just checking in. Everything is more fucking bad ass than anything you could ever imagine.

We’re staying a few extra days too…lol.

back to wine, cheese, and san fran gays.

tolduso.jpg. wheres the update sucka!
ok, just got back home. I had an abso-motherfucking-lutely amazing vacation. I have 5 of the most awesome friends. I mean fuck, 4 of us spent $140 at the fucking Jelly Belly factory…lol. Can you imagine 4 days of the back of the SUV full of wine, wine in the middle of the back seat, wine under everyone’s feet, a butcher’s block passed around the car with cheeses, crackers, and bread while driving…lol. LOL!!!

the good life:
-32 vineyad tastings
-9 cases of wine between 4 people (all personally selected, no more than 3 or so from each vineyard and no more than 2 of each varietal from each label)
-2 cases for myself
-joined 6 inexpensive wine clubs with 4, 2-bottle shipments per year
-stayed in bad ass hotels
-2 days in a $3m home at "Benziger" at the 2nd highest point in Sonoma overlooking the vineyard
-ate absurdly good food (8 James Beard awarded restaurants I think)

the girl:
Let me preface this update by stating I understand it was a vacation, in the most romantic place on earth, and she needs time between relationships. I know better than to expect anything long-term to come from this.
This girl meshed with my friends like she’s been around for years. We have an almost identical sense of humor…she so abrasive and witty. We paired up really, really well. There was never a hitch, never an argument, never an uncomfortable moment for me where I had to soften up a comment or reserve myself from bitching…everything was cool. I don’t even know what to say about the sex other than it was like motherfucking fire crackers. It was like highschool all over again. Giddy, 5am chipper morning person hilarity. Just awesome. We refrained the first night, then couldn’t control ourselves and then it happened about 4-6 times per day…lol.

I don’t know what else to say, but there was an extremely good emotional connection. We are really into each other, but I’m going to let her chill out and I’m not going to press or let the issue be pressed until I have a little time to think about this. I’m not a child anymore and the last thing I need is a relationship which is doomed from the start. I think we need to do some dating while seeing other people, but I’m fairly certain that she and I won’t engage in sex with anyone else. I know I don’t want to, and I don’t really think she intends to either considering the vibe I get from her, although I’m smart enough to realize that stuff like what happened with us was most likely not a 1-time deal for her, as it wasn’t for me.

I’m so happy I went on that trip. Best week of my life. Now I’m going to kick back with an "old vine" zin and eat some old amsterdam gouda with lactic crystals…lol.
I love how just a month ago you were bitching about how you weren’t gonna go on this trip, and that your friends were dicks for expecting you to come….Now they are the best friends in the world

Either way, psyched for you and the fact that your life is no longer routine, boring and depressing. I’d like to shake her hand
Sounds like an awesome trip. One that you never want to end…

What’s the difference?

When you actually date one of the co-workers you chase after you will probably find out why it’s usually not a good idea. Shit, the OP himself isn’t sure if it’s a good idea, but he likes her and he needs this kind of positive reinforcement.

I love how just a month ago you were bitching about how you weren’t gonna go on this trip, and that your friends were dicks for expecting you to come….Now they are the best friends in the world

Either way, psyched for you and the fact that your life is no longer routine, boring and depressing. I’d like to shake her hand

It’s not that I’m fickle with my friends, I think I was in such a shitty mood I didn’t realize what good stuffs I had going on in my life, nor how much fun my friends were.

Indeed. Glad you realized.

have you been taking anti depressants? just curious cuz there’s a sliiiight difference in tone

It’s still a bad idea.

no pharmaceuticals. I know there’s some ebb and flow considering I just went on an awesome vacation too. However, I’ve been hiding out at home and even after 4 months of knowing my friends GF, I realized that i didn’t even know her last name and we’ve been around each other every weekend. I’ve realized that I was very negative and shut-down socially. I noticed this when I went to her b-day party like a month ago and she introduced me as her bf’s best friend…and I didn’t know anything about her.

Its not a typical office setting. I wouldn’t see her at all throughout the day if either one of us didn’t go to the other’s office. We work different programs which pretty much don’t talk to each other like a typical federal government program. We don’t email each other with work related material, we don’t eat lunch together or any crap like that. We’ve kept out distance in the office for the last month.

I don’t know what direction I’m going to take with this girl. I’m going to hold out for input from her for a bit at least. I know where I’d like to go with this deal, but I need to dry out a little bit from the trip and see where we both stand.

Everyone is fun when your drunk.

we weren’t drunk the entire trip.

I doubt it. The guy hadn’t been laid or had a girlfriend in 8 years….Lots of pent up aggression and bitterness can change dramatically from a new love interest. Either way, I think it’s cute. Even though he sounds like a completely different person Im glad we don’t have to see his constant depressing threads about how he has nothing to offer to women. I like this black jesus much more

thats a long fucking time. i usually will fuck a fatty after 3 months…. or less even to bust a slump

It’s like the one amount of time I’d accept someone getting a hooker

I was laid at random over the 8 years…which is still going because I don’t have an official monogamous relationship on the books. However, I’ve seen that hope is out there, and even if I can’t have her, there may be others somewhat like her, though she’s really unique. We were attached at the hip for 5-days with nothing but positive happy times. I never once had to swallow my pride and "deal" with her being a bitch or doing something inappropriate. At the bare minimum, I felt like a normal person for 5-days with my friends, the landscape, the tourist crap, the super cush hotels, and there was a girl there who wanted to be with me, and I wanted to be with her. It was good.

Over the last month I’ve realized that although I’m not rich, don’t lease a 335, and I may not work in a skyscraper, but I’m a pretty bad ass motherfucker. Who the fuck else owns a track car, runs a federal grant program, and takes vacations in the wine country in their mid (not 27 yet) twenties?

I was laid at random over the 8 years…which is still going because I don’t have an official monogamous relationship on the books. However, I’ve seen that hope is out there, and even if I can’t have her, there may be others somewhat like her, though she’s really unique. We were attached at the hip for 5-days with nothing but positive happy times. I never once had to swallow my pride and "deal" with her being a bitch or doing something inappropriate. At the bare minimum, I felt like a normal person for 5-days with my friends, the landscape, the tourist crap, the super cush hotels, and there was a girl there who wanted to be with me, and I wanted to be with her. It was good.

Over the last month I’ve realized that although I’m not rich, don’t lease a 335, and I may not work in a skyscraper, but I’m a pretty bad ass motherfucker. Who the fuck else owns a track car, runs a federal grant program, and takes vacations in the wine country in their mid (not 27 yet) twenties?

Here are some questions for you, food for thought maybe. You can keep the answers for you, PM me or reply here, as you wish

– What in the image you had of yourself changed ?
– What have you realized about your feelings and your rational thinking ?
– Can you find one or many reasons why you changed your perception ?
– Is this thing in your control ? If yes, what do you think you could do in the future to prevent from going in the wrong direction and keep a positive outlook on you and life ?
– Since you changed your outlook on yourself/life, what changed in your mind (feelings, thoughts, plans, etc.) ? What changed in your life ?

That’d be it for now. I could write what I think about what’s happening, but it’s useless. Instead of telling yourself to enjoy that moment (which you should, btw ) I think that you should reflect on what happened, why, how you can control this, where you’re going with this and how you plan to keep a positive outlook (while being realistic too).

Still, I’m happy for you man

Here are some questions for you, food for thought maybe. You can keep the answers for you, PM me or reply here, as you wish

– What in the image you had of yourself changed ?
– What have you realized about your feelings and your rational thinking ?
– Can you find one or many reasons why you changed your perception ?
– Is this thing in your control ? If yes, what do you think you could do in the future to prevent from going in the wrong direction and keep a positive outlook on you and life ?
– Since you changed your outlook on yourself/life, what changed in your mind (feelings, thoughts, plans, etc.) ? What changed in your life ?

-I now think I’m not so disgusting, boring, or crude as I though. I don’t really know why, but apparently I have friends who want to be around me, many of them.
-I think my previous attitude issues were inaccurate. My experience with the girl showed me that although I’m immature and crude, I’m not the only one.
-Many reason. I’ve been sitting on my ass at home for years thinking I’m a bum, but I do lots of cool shit and other people like to do those things with me.
-What do you mean by thing? My life, I don’t know if its in control, hopefully I needed something fun to put me on the right track. I lived in various hotels for 16 months and my best friend was in prison, so I didn’t have very much social activity. As for things with the girl, I might actually have some sort of a span of control over the situation. Hopefully I don’t fuck it up by either pursuing something, or not pursuing something. No matter what I do, both end results are grim for the immediate future considering my job, my emotional needs, and my lack of practice with romance.
-Nothing else has really changed in my life. I suddenly want to go hang out with my friends. I’d love to go out with the girl I traveled with tonight, but I’m going to let things cool off for a minute, and go chase a few women but not get involved with something i don’t want to. It will be good for me to play with other women to see if I know what I’m doing or know what I want to do, while she can probably do the same. If I didn’t work with that girl and she had been single more than 6 weeks, I wouldn’t be on OT right now.

How is this achieved?

By never getting there to begin with.

Its not a typical office setting. I wouldn’t see her at all throughout the day if either one of us didn’t go to the other’s office. We work different programs which pretty much don’t talk to each other like a typical federal government program. We don’t email each other with work related material, we don’t eat lunch together or any crap like that. We’ve kept out distance in the office for the last month.

I don’t know what direction I’m going to take with this girl. I’m going to hold out for input from her for a bit at least. I know where I’d like to go with this deal, but I need to dry out a little bit from the trip and see where we both stand.

Sorry, it’s not that I am trying to be an ass and discourage you, but I’ve gone through the same thing, except it didn’t work out for me.

But yeah, when you are in the zone, you could care less about the repercussions because you like her enough for you just to live the moment.

Hm. Don’t rlly see how your own personal failures relate to black jesus’s life, elaborate…?

once I’m comfortable with the girl, I turn the heat up more easily. However, I’d prefer to not go there to begin with.
I should note that last night I was talking to my roommate about the sittuation, and how I haven’t had a relationship in a long time. I was sitting around thinking about how shitty its going to be when she cheats on me, leaves, treats me bad, lies, and all the other stuff I’ve been through. My roommate then tipped me off that I was on the self-fulfilling prophecy hook, and sabotaging it before it even starts. I’m trying to decide if its worth going further with this deal considering all the bullshit I’ve been through with women although it was a really long time ago…like almost a decade since I had a relationship. I can’t be a relationship hermit for the rest of my life…or can I?

I was pretty happy going to the race track all the time last year, it was the only thing I cared about in my life… nothing else mattered. Every day I went to work was about dealing with the required daily grind to get on the track the next weekend, cut down on times, and run down porsches. It was easy because all I had to deal with was myself and a machine. I can handle that, its easier that way. The car won’t treat me bad, people will. I look at my mother and father who’ve been married 12 times total, and I’m not sure that I really know anyone in a relationship who’s actually happy. I’m an emotional child because I’ve been alone for so long, and I don’t know what to do with what I’ve created.

/whining like a bitch.

It’s your choice. You’re going to get hurt in life no matter what. Might as well make attempts enjoying yourself along the process.

I was pretty happy going to the race track all the time last year, it was the only thing I cared about in my life… nothing else mattered. Every day I went to work was about dealing with the required daily grind to get on the track the next weekend, cut down on times, and run down porsches. It was easy because all I had to deal with was myself and a machine. I can handle that, its easier that way. The car won’t treat me bad, people will. I look at my mother and father who’ve been married 12 times total, and I’m not sure that I really know anyone in a relationship who’s actually happy. I’m an emotional child because I’ve been alone for so long, and I don’t know what to do with what I’ve created.

I don’t know what to tell you aside from what I have. Life isn’t going to be ok if you hang back — that’s a certainty.
so at this point, its getting a bit hotter in here, and hopefully I’m not locked up as a rebound. She went out with friends to a bar last night, and I guess when she got home starting blowing up my phone with text messages about "you rock" and "other guys are obsolete to me" and then some sexual shit.

I want to make sure this goes nice and slow so she gets all the variety she needs before I lock this down. With that said, I don’t really know how respectable women work, only bar trash, which this girl is not. I’d be fine with the speed of things if she hadn’t ended a 3-year deal and only been single for 2 months. I think she’s been dating a bunch of different guys, but I don’t think 2 months is enough.

*shakes magic 8 ball*

Probably not.

*shakes magic 8 ball*

Probably not.

so can I slow this thing down on her behalf, or just ride the wave and anticipate disaster?

See where it goes, but keep your guard up. As you two interact, ask questions, watch for red flags. Pay very close attention to how fast she moves. Continue to show interest and escalate, but avoid sexual intimacy too soon, as it’s often used during the rebound period. Kissing, fine, hugging, fine, — leave it at that. If she tries to escalate with you, slow her down, especially if you haven’t really shown her who you are over a long enough time period. If you escalate too fast and she accepts, she escalates, then it’s a red flag under these circumstances.

It’s a way of connecting physically, without having to deal with the prior break up. Sort of a substitute, that’s where the red flag comes from.

Context has a lot to do with the direction you go.

Keep having fun and going forward, just be aware of the pace she moves. If you’re looking for something deeper, this is the way to go.

too late. I went to the most romantic place in the nation…we didn’t have a chance. We’ve known each other for a while, so that may have played a part in the rapid escelation. Looks like we’re doomed. I’ll just ride this one out, and continue the path of no expectations.

I have no problem letting her go out with friends or other guys, because I’m still going out with other women…though its just an exercise in futility. I think its good for me to play with other women, and its definitely good for her…although it seems like the more she’s away from me, the more she wants me.

We were snuggled up on the couch the other night when she commented that she was "emotionally unavailable" after I told her that she needed "time to play". …yeah right.

She doesn’t really talk about the XBF, she left the guy, and from what I get she tried to leave the guy back in August but something came up where that wasn’t really appropriate (in my opinion) and it didn’t happen.

I wouldn’t say you’re doomed, but it is a red flag.

I have no problem letting her go out with friends or other guys, because I’m still going out with other women…though its just an exercise in futility. I think its good for me to play with other women, and its definitely good for her…although it seems like the more she’s away from me, the more she wants me.

If you are comfortable with that, then that works.

We were snuggled up on the couch the other night when she commented that she was "emotionally unavailable" after I told her that she needed "time to play". …yeah right.

There you have it.

She doesn’t really talk about the XBF, she left the guy, and from what I get she tried to leave the guy back in August but something came up where that wasn’t really appropriate (in my opinion) and it didn’t happen.

Unfortunately the same rules apply. But continue, if you get some enjoyment out of it, but know the boundaries, then it’s ok.
well, now we have some cool off time. She was sent out of state for a disaster a few minutes ago…so we won’t see each other for 2 weeks to a few months…lol. That took care of itself quickly.

Not for nothing jesus, but you my friend, are showing a LOT of people how they should take girls / relationship probables.

Not for nothing jesus, but you my friend, are showing a LOT of people how they should take girls / relationship probables.

Well, I’ve whored it out and done anything from 3 girls in day / 5-way lipstick lez orgies to virtual celibacy over 5 years. I know what I want, and although I want it badly I don’t want to waste my time and others.
Well, its going to be pretty much over I assume. She’s out of town for probably 1 month in AR, I’m going to NOLA, OK, then by the time she’s done in AR, I’m scheduled to go there for 3-6 months.

I’m seriously getting tired of living out of a suitcase. I didn’t come home really for 16 months. I’ve had my fix of social dormancy.

Well, its going to be pretty much over I assume. She’s out of town for probably 1 month in AR, I’m going to NOLA, OK, then by the time she’s done in AR, I’m scheduled to go there for 3-6 months.

I’m seriously getting tired of living out of a suitcase. I didn’t come home really for 16 months. I’ve had my fix of social dormancy.

Aww, that blows

Well, its going to be pretty much over I assume. She’s out of town for probably 1 month in AR, I’m going to NOLA, OK, then by the time she’s done in AR, I’m scheduled to go there for 3-6 months.

I’m seriously getting tired of living out of a suitcase. I didn’t come home really for 16 months. I’ve had my fix of social dormancy.

That sucks.

But don’t assume all rebounds are doomed. My roommate starting dating a guy one month (!) after getting out of a four year relationship and they’re celebrating their two year anniversary this year. Some people just don’t like to be single I guess.

That sucks.

But don’t assume all rebounds are doomed. My roommate starting dating a guy one month (!) after getting out of a four year relationship and they’re celebrating their two year anniversary this year. Some people just don’t like to be single I guess.

Yes, I meant to mention as well that he needs to get over the whole "am I just her rebound!?" because I doubt she see’s it that way.

When my SO and I met almost 2 years ago we had just gotten out of serious relationships-his had been 1.5 years long and they had lived together. We actually both didn’t take it seriously at first but then realized a few months in we were amazing together. Been together happily since

Also, I’d recommend keeping some form of contact up with her every so often. Just because you guys are going to be away from each other for a few months doesn’t mean you can’t try and start back up when you get back

Plus you can always hop on a plane sometime for some nice weekend anal rape.

$116 round trip.

Yes, I meant to mention as well that he needs to get over the whole "am I just her rebound!?" because I doubt she see’s it that way.

When my SO and I met almost 2 years ago we had just gotten out of serious relationships-his had been 1.5 years long and they had lived together. We actually both didn’t take it seriously at first but then realized a few months in we were amazing together. Been together happily since

Also, I’d recommend keeping some form of contact up with her every so often. Just because you guys are going to be away from each other for a few months doesn’t mean you can’t try and start back up when you get back

She sends me a few text messages and we chit chat a bit on the phone over the last 2 nights, some are dirty, some are sweet, some are abrasive…lol. She’s going to try to come back saturday night and fly on a red eye monday morning.

I might actually have something going on here. Maybe we can take all that cash we make over the next 3-months and take another vacation together.

She sends me a few text messages and we chit chat a bit on the phone over the last 2 nights, some are dirty, some are sweet, some are abrasive…lol. She’s going to try to come back saturday night and fly on a red eye monday morning.

I might actually have something going on here. Maybe we can take all that cash we make over the next 3-months and take another vacation together.

It’s probably time to post her pictures on an internet message board to show her how much you are starting to care about her.

that sounds like a good idea.

well, my shit is looking really good. We spend the weekend together, I gave her the scary-good v-day gift, and I was totally ruthless and cooked a brunch to rival any 4-star restaurant I’ve ever had experienced…she even drove the miata (track car) and liked it…lol.

We’d both rather see each other frequently, but the 2-month hiatus is going to be a good thing. She told me that a couple months ago she felt alone, for the first time in at least 3 years…and its was a good for her in some respects. I need to chill out and decide if this is really something I want to do. Its been a really long time since I’ve done this and I’ve always been a self-deprecating, self-fulfilling prophecy bastard who’s probably driven women to treat me like shit.

I think over the next 2 months she’ll sit on the sofa and be bored and do nothing, and I’ll run around with women and see if I really am a likable person. Maybe (probably) in 2-3 months she and I will want to see each other. We’re pretty stupid over each other.

well, my shit is looking really good. We spend the weekend together, I gave her the scary-good v-day gift, and I was totally ruthless and cooked a brunch to rival any 4-star restaurant I’ve ever had experienced…she even drove the miata (track car) and liked it…lol.

We’d both rather see each other frequently, but the 2-month hiatus is going to be a good thing. She told me that a couple months ago she felt alone, for the first time in at least 3 years…and its was a good for her in some respects. I need to chill out and decide if this is really something I want to do. Its been a really long time since I’ve done this and I’ve always been a self-deprecating, self-fulfilling prophecy bastard who’s probably driven women to treat me like shit.

I think over the next 2 months she’ll sit on the sofa and be bored and do nothing, and I’ll run around with women and see if I really am a likable person. Maybe (probably) in 2-3 months she and I will want to see each other. We’re pretty stupid over each other.

Did you take the time to compare what you wrote in that quote and what you wrote a couple of weeks/months ago ? I’m interested to see what are the differences that you see and what it means regarding the mindset you have when writing these.

I’m pretty sure that I’m not in it, and with a 2 month hiatus, rebound shit is less likely.
I’m trying to have reasonable expectations and not sabotage a potentially good things. She called me last night and I had a feeling that although she wanted to talk to me, it was a waste of time, like I’ve already written her off.

Should I expect a relationship with a 24-year old women (who has a real job where she is responsible for 2 federal grant programs) to not end in a blood orgy of infidelity, duplicity, lies, deceit, and a general rape of my emotions? I’ve learned to not let myself be as vulnerable, but of course I’ve taken it to an extreme and currently wrestle with the idea that I shouldn’t even get started in this deal because its not worth the emotional investment because in the end, it won’t be worth it. If she doesn’t find someone better, she can always move away for a new job or just something fresh and new. Part of me wants to believe this is respectable, another part of me tells me this girl is trash just like all the rest of them.

Is it possible to end a "good" relationship on somewhat amicable terms and take something positive with you? At best I see my current potential relationship ending in her becoming bored with me. Right now I feel like a more reasonable outcome is her leaving me for someone better.

I know I’ve already made this post in here, but I apparently need to discuss it further.
Look at it this way, dude.

You’ve just had what? Like a month of some of the best times you’ve had in YEARS.

Even if the relationship ends…and then ends on bad terms, isn’t the pain worth the pleasure you are/have experienced in the past month?

Look at it this way, dude.

You’ve just had what? Like a month of some of the best times you’ve had in YEARS.

yeah, I need to relax.

I’m trying to have reasonable expectations and not sabotage a potentially good things. She called me last night and I had a feeling that although she wanted to talk to me, it was a waste of time, like I’ve already written her off.

Should I expect a relationship with a 24-year old women (who has a real job where she is responsible for 2 federal grant programs) to not end in a blood orgy of infidelity, duplicity, lies, deceit, and a general rape of my emotions? I’ve learned to not let myself be as vulnerable, but of course I’ve taken it to an extreme and currently wrestle with the idea that I shouldn’t even get started in this deal because its not worth the emotional investment because in the end, it won’t be worth it. If she doesn’t find someone better, she can always move away for a new job or just something fresh and new. Part of me wants to believe this is respectable, another part of me tells me this girl is trash just like all the rest of them.

Is it possible to end a "good" relationship on somewhat amicable terms and take something positive with you? At best I see my current potential relationship ending in her becoming bored with me. Right now I feel like a more reasonable outcome is her leaving me for someone better.

I know I’ve already made this post in here, but I apparently need to discuss it further.

I think you are starting to resent her and over analye things though she’s done nothing wrong or different. You’re excited by your new confidence and torn between waiting around for her and staying with her…and I think it’s a very managable situation.

YOU can keep your communication with her light and happy while also not serious. You don’t have to answer her calls texts the moment she sends them. You can call her on your own terms while also being out in the field and meeting many women as you can. Who knows, maybe you will meet a bunch of girls and come to find you don’t have half the chemistry with them as you have with this girl and you’ll have your answer.

But I just think you are dooming your relationship already by overanalyzing it! She’s gone, she’s nowhere near you! Use this time to reflect on how great your time has been so far and think about your present. You can tell her that you care about her but just don’t want an LDR and would possibly like to start where you left off when she’s back in town. If she gets upset oh well, then you really can just get out there and meet a bunch of new chicks.

I’m consciously making myself not wait around for her. It looks like she’s going to call me every day. That feels great, really great, but its not the best decision for either of us. Rather than come out and tell her this, I’m going to make sure I have shit going on when she calls so I can cut the conversation short, although its great to have someone into me. That will help me on multiple aspects of this deal. I need to remove myself for a little while from this deal to get my head right, and it will be good for her to be alone for a little while. I’d tell her this in person, but I can’t over the phone.

You can call her on your own terms while also being out in the field and meeting many women as you can. Who knows, maybe you will meet a bunch of girls and come to find you don’t have half the chemistry with them as you have with this girl and you’ll have your answer.

I’ve been doing this and its an exercise in futility…which is scaring me. I told myself I’d never do this again. I’ve noticed that I’m exponentially more intelligent and responsible with my feelings in my late 20’s, but its still something that I haven’t perfected with previous experience.

You can tell her that you care about her but just don’t want an LDR and would possibly like to start where you left off when she’s back in town. If she gets upset oh well, then you really can just get out there and meet a bunch of new chicks.

this is my plan

thank you very much for the advice on all this.

I’m consciously making myself not wait around for her. It looks like she’s going to call me every day. That feels great, really great, but its not the best decision for either of us. Rather than come out and tell her this, I’m going to make sure I have shit going on when she calls so I can cut the conversation short, although its great to have someone into me. That will help me on multiple aspects of this deal. I need to remove myself for a little while from this deal to get my head right, and it will be good for her to be alone for a little while. I’d tell her this in person, but I can’t over the phone.

I’ve been doing this and its an exercise in futility…which is scaring me. I told myself I’d never do this again. I’ve noticed that I’m exponentially more intelligent and responsible with my feelings in my late 20’s, but its still something that I haven’t perfected with previous experience.

this is my plan

thank you very much for the advice on all this.

Good luck

So I’ve been running around with 2 other women, and well, this girl blows them away. However, I haven’t seen her in only 1-week, and I’m already tired of what its going to become if we escalate anything. Everything is going in that direction, and I don’t know that I have it in my to do another relationship. I guess I can delay acknowledgment as long as possible and let her press the issue.

Is it ok to expect women to suggest escalating to relationship status? I don’t want to press the issue.

Oh, and she’s taking me back to San Francisco in late March…lol.

So I’ve been running around with 2 other women, and well, this girl blows them away. However, I haven’t seen her in only 1-week, and I’m already tired of what its going to become if we escalate anything. Everything is going in that direction, and I don’t know that I have it in my to do another relationship. I guess I can delay acknowledgment as long as possible and let her press the issue.

Is it ok to expect women to suggest escalating to relationship status? I don’t want to press the issue.

Oh, and she’s taking me back to San Francisco in late March…lol.

If you’re not ready to escalate the relationship then don’t. Aren’t you two away from each other right now? I said before, this is the easiest time and way for you to just have limited phone contact. Keeping you guys on a good level but making it known that in this time apart it would be best if you didn’t put some label on it.

we are in different states at the moment, but I know that if I did want a girl in my life, it would be her, without a doubt. I’m just not sure that its a good idea.

Why not ?

So I’ve been running around with 2 other women, and well, this girl blows them away. However, I haven’t seen her in only 1-week, and I’m already tired of what its going to become if we escalate anything. Everything is going in that direction, and I don’t know that I have it in my to do another relationship. I guess I can delay acknowledgment as long as possible and let her press the issue.

Is it ok to expect women to suggest escalating to relationship status? I don’t want to press the issue.

Oh, and she’s taking me back to San Francisco in late March…lol.

Some say that men escalate physcally, women emotionally (ie : being official).

Why not ?

Some say that men escalate physcally, women emotionally (ie : being official).

because there is a lot to lose by this deal ending in general. I don’t know what a good ending is like. Its a lot of fun right now, but doesn’t seem like a sound emotional investment because there are a few variables that can take her away from her current location. I’d hate to end the relationship with something unrelated to the quality of our personalities.

anyone care to elaborate on the physical vs emotional escalation? This could be informative.
so the girl gets back in town tomorrow evening. For some reason I’m trying to sabotage this shit in my head right now. I’m going to stay at her place tomorrow night, but then I have this strange desire to disappear for the few days she’s in town, because she leaves again on Sunday morning for another 10 day trip. Basically, this is going to turn into a relationship if its not already and she’s probably not ready for that, and I assume she can’t be with me considering I’m the first guy she’s liked since she recently became single 3.5 months ago.

What’s wrong with me? Even though I had sex with another woman while she was out of town, I feel like I’ve been waiting around for her to return.
and I just found out that in the next 2 weeks I’m going out of town for a couple months.

fucking bullshit.

and I just found out that in the next 2 weeks I’m going out of town for a couple months.

fucking bullshit.

make up your damn mind. One second you are excited about being with her, the next you are trying to convince yourself it’s a bad idea….sheesh

no, I have these emotions simultaneously. There’s no sense in me going out of town and expecting to come back and her not have a BF. Whether I’m the rebound guy or not, she’ll have the time together with me to justify availability for the next guy whether he’s better or not, he’ll be around and I won’t.

So now you’re worried she’ll have a bf? You are nuts. You were just saying you weren’t sure if it was going to turn into a relationship with you two and if that was what you want.

Look dude, now that you’re gonna be the one gone figure out what you want. This girl is crazy about you and you know it. Sure, while you are gone months she could meet another guy, but who says she’ll like him as much as she likes you? You’ve met other girls since her and they didn’t compare for you.

Just do what you gotta do. Keep up communication with her if you want something to happen in the future.

So now you’re worried she’ll have a bf? You are nuts. You were just saying you weren’t sure if it was going to turn into a relationship with you two and if that was what you want.

Look dude, now that you’re gonna be the one gone figure out what you want. This girl is crazy about you and you know it. Sure, while you are gone months she could meet another guy, but who says she’ll like him as much as she likes you? You’ve met other girls since her and they didn’t compare for you.

Just do what you gotta do. Keep up communication with her if you want something to happen in the future.

thanks, you’re pretty gangster. I don’t want to have to follow up another guy on her…pot-kettle-black.

lol

You can’t have everything when you want it, you have to realize that. You had your chance, you still do. But I find it would be silly to try and start a real relationship with her now considering you are going away for a few months. Just keep up the communication with her and say you’d love to see her when you are back for good. See how she feels.
well, just to close this thread up, I’m done with the girl.

I offered to help her move yesterday, then help today with another friend so we could get teh big stuff. Well, the XBF came over to get his shit yesterday, then i called today to see what was up, and apparently he’s over there helping her move, via text message.

So, I’m going to cut it loose. I don’t need to deal with a woman who speaks to her XBF at the least. Oh well, back to the field. I already have 2 more victims lined up.

Thanks for everyone’s help and advice on this deal. I learned a lot about myself in the last couple months.

well, just to close this thread up, I’m done with the girl.

I offered to help her move yesterday, then help today with another friend so we could get teh big stuff. Well, the XBF came over to get his shit yesterday, then i called today to see what was up, and apparently he’s over there helping her move, via text message.

So, I’m going to cut it loose. I don’t need to deal with a woman who speaks to her XBF at the least. Oh well, back to the field. I already have 2 more victims lined up.

Thanks for everyone’s help and advice on this deal. I learned a lot about myself in the last couple months.

Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing? You’re cutting her loose because the XBF helps her move some furniture? You wouldn’t be using this as an excuse to cut and run would you?
FFF

Find them

Fuck them

Forget them

Right?

Wish I could do that.. I have a soul though

no, its more than that.

XBF comes over.
She doesn’t call later that night, which is a rule
she turns down my offer for assistance
accepts bf’s offer

I think that’s pretty straight forward there. I’m not going to chase a woman who does this shit.

you don’t have a soul. you have petty judgments about people with different approaches to life.

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