**VERY LONG READ**.

Girlfriend of 7 years and I broke up last July. To make a long story short, our relationship was a bit rocky and I made a mistake. It didn’t involved sleeping with anyone else but still a mistake nonetheless. We tried to work through it and things were up and down. About a year after I told my girlfriend about what happened between me and the other girl we ended up breaking up (last July). I’ve been so lost since then. I have not dated nor do I have any interest in dating. I’m ok during the day while at work but at night i’m extremely depressed. I go several nights a week without speaking to anyone or saying anything the entire night. I have a dog and honestly he sometimes is the only thing that gets me through the night.

I live in the house that the girlfriend and I purchased together. I cannot sell it because of the bad market right now or i’d be losing quite a bit of money so i’ve taken over payments all together and i’m doing fine with that. We talk off and on but i’ve tried several times to completely separate ties. We have known eachother a very large part of our lives and have been through ALOT. Friends death, family troubles and have always stuck by eachother. Whenever I begin to distance myself she notices and I can tell it hurts her. She’s dating another guy (they started dating about 6 months after we broke up so it’s not that she jumped right in. I know in essence I should just simply move on and cut all ties but it’s so extremely difficult to do this.

I’m so incredibly lost; I spend several nights a week crying myself to sleep. I sometimes just ignore any phone calls because I just cannot talk to anyone. When you’re in a 7 year relationship, you tend to focus alot of time and energy on your SO. Because of this, I don’t have many friends. I have work acquaintances and so on but not many true friends. Everyone is busy with their own lives and I don’t want to bombard them with my misery.

I feel bad posting on here because I feel like this is such a pity story and it’s so easy for others to just say, "shut up, quit whining and move on". I feel like a piece of me is gone. It’s been about 8 months since the break up and I don’t feel any better. Some days, I feel better and try and stay busy/active. I play basketball/football and just try and stay busy when i’m home. No matter what, when I lay down to go to sleep, I start to think. I think about us, how great things were and I just can’t let go of the feeling that we should be together. We were young when we started dating (about 17 and 18) but grew up together and had our other experiences during high school, etc.

I’m not the type of guy to go to a bar, pick up a girl, bring her home and fuck her. It’s not me and it will never be me. I don’t feel right even beginning to talk to another girl at this point as I just don’t feel I can give any respectable portion of my attention to her and that’s not fair to her.

OT: I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I need help and I know this but don’t know where to turn, what to do, and how to do it.
You just have to cut all ties with the girl. Go to the gym, join coed sports leagues just do stuff to keep active that will keep your mind off the past.

Ive been there before..i know its tough
Have you tried talking to a counselor of some sort about this? Maybe you just need a bit of outside help to get you through this, especially considering the relationship was 7 years long. Someone who is impartial to the situation can help you get through the issues you’re having trouble dealing with.

I identify with this. My biggest issue right now is that I want someone, and respectable women who want relationships don’t typically congregate anywhere. lol

I went through a really hard break-up about 7 years ago, and talking to a professional helped me immensely. I still have difficulty with women, and haven’t had much in the form of a relationship, but life is livable.

when you have no one else to talk to, this isn’t a bad place to talk.
Thanks for all the positive responses. I feel at a loss with all of this. It’s as if I forgot how to "pick up women". It’s pathetic in a sense but understandable in the fact that i’ve been with the same girl for the last 7 years.

I have to much respect for women to date just to date or "to get some ass". I do miss the companionship though. It’s tough being home alone every night, no one to tell your day stories too and no one to spend time with whether it’s eating dinner or watching TV. This is by far the toughest point.

Some will say that I just miss the companionship but it’s not that. The two of us were a great fit, we were the same yet we had our differences (if that makes any sense). She fit my personality like no other person ever would. I know there are plenty of girls out there and I need to be more open to things but it’s tough at this point.

Again, thank you to all the responses so far. It is nice to know that you’re not "alone" in this world and I will say that OT has gotten me through many nights. It makes me feel like i’m not as "alone" as I sometimes think.
where in the philly area are you? I’m on the 202 corridor near Delaware.

Anyways.. yeah that shit’s rough… feeling lonely is the worst feeling I can imagine. It’s demoralizing to a level that cannot be explained, or at least it is to me.

I’ve been here. I had to read "the mystery method." Its corny, stupid, demeaning, and childish. But it works at giving people like you and I a weapon, tool,or a skill. You said yourself that you "forgot how to pick up women." Well this book will tell you how to do it, so the next time you want to talk to a girl at the grocery store, you’ll know to ask her some stupid shit to get her talking. It works.

It really starts working when you learn to align the social "keys" they point out, with your personality. I can entertain women now, and my friends too. I became unlikable in the last better part of a decade where I sat at home, and was pissed off at women because they didn’t come get me.

You have to go out and get the women, that’s just how it is. Like it or not, you must do this, they will not com into your house and take you away. So read those books, be smarter than most of the fags who read this stuff, use it respectfully and genuinely so you can have your pick of women to forge a relationship with. Don’t forget that the cool part about talking to 20 different women every night, is you get to pick the ones you want.

Go out and hand select the woman you want. The Mystery Method works when the users use the skills (not recited verbatim) in the book.
Staying in the house you two bought is why its still in your mind. Sell the house and sever ties.
I’d say try hanging out at a park or a coffee house for a while, write down your thoughts while you do it, girls thinks guys who write are artsy.
Artsy = hot.

Even if you’re not picking up the ladies by the dozen, you’ll have atleast gotten out of your house.

You say you have a dog? FANTASTIC. Girls love dogs, they love guys with dogs because that tells them you’re responsible enough to keep another living thing alive. Take your dog for a walk, to the pet store, to the dog park wherever. Meet other people with dogs, atleast there you’ll have human interaction.

I honestly don’t have any idea what ‘mistake’ you made, but I’m sure when you made it there was some reason concious or not that you made that mistake. There is always a reason for a relationship to end, and sometimes remembering why the relationship ended will help make you stop missing it so much.
I’ve been there. It’s not easy to adjust to "single life" when you were in a 7 year relationship. For me, surrounding myself with and reconnecting with friends and family helped a lot. Don’t build a wall and isolate yourself…being around those who genuinely care and support you will help you get through the days.

I hate to tell you this but you need to completely cut yourself from her if you want to move on with your life. Keeping in touch will only make it more difficult for you to move on. If it hurts her, it hurts her. You need to do it for your own good.

It’s normal to "grieve" for a while but just remember that life will go on and no matter how much you wish it was different, IT IS WHAT IT IS. You will need to learn to accept the fact that it’s over.

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