I feel like this post might belong in the vaginarium but the female mods there are pretty insensitive to this issue and would just lock the thread so, I’m posting here.

I’m generally pretty shy, especially about this issue so I’ve been reluctant to make a post about it but I feel like I’m at rock bottom here, so theres not much to lose.

Long story short, I’ve always been insecure about certain things. A lot of people are. I was pretty overweight in my highschool years, but a few years later now and I’ve lost 50 pounds and I no longer have a physical insecurity about my weight. One thing that I haven’t been able to overcome, and dont think I ever will, is insecurity about my package. I guess I’m a little below average, but this is something that bothers me beyond anyones imagination and its on my mind 24/7. Like literally every minute of every day. I feel like I could break down into tears at any moment of the day over it. I feel like I can’t live and enjoy life as I should because of this, and I need to do something about it. (I had the same issue about my weight, so I lost the weight. I cant exactly go out and grow a bigger penis, so I feel hopeless.)

My dating life is certainly affected by it. I was a virgin until I was 20 simply because I am so insecure about it that I never made the initiative to have sex. The two girls I’ve had sex with didn’t laugh in my face or get out of the bed and go home the second she saw it as I had presumed, but I had also at somepoint in my relationship with them confronted them about my insecurity so anything they’ve ever said to me, I don’t believe, simply because I feel like they just wouldnt want to hurt my feelings. Every time theres a reference to penis size, like a joke in a movie or TV show, it just takes me down another notch.

You ever sneak in somewhere youre not supposed to be, or sit in front row seats to an event when you paid for nosebleeds? This is how I feel about life, and around females. I cannot get over the feeling that I am not good enough. I don’t even bother conversing with females because its like, well even if I ended up dating this girl or brought her home to have sex, shed probably leave me after that anyways so whats the point? Hearing girls talk about loving big dicks and making fun of small ones and saying how much size matters, its like how am i NOT supposed to feel completely useless and not good enough if i’m not hung? I feel as though I will never have a wife and kids, because no woman would ever want to be with me since I dont have a good sized package. Or even if she did stay with me, shed just secretley cheat on me to get satisfied.

I think about this so much that it makes me depressed. Emotionally, I have too much heart. I give myself away easily and would do anything to please someone/make someone happy that I care about. And since I dont feel that I can do that sexually, it bothers me that much more.

Ive had a few short relationships, and every time things end, for ANY reason, I dont believe that reason and presume its because she wants a bigger dick. I feel like its almost a fixation. I feel like I’m not even doing anything for the female I’m fucking, and I can’t even have an orgasm because I’m so fixated on that. The thought of someone I’ve slept with having sex with a bigger guy infuriates me, because its like why would she possibly want to have sex with me after that? Obviously shes going to enjoy someone bigger THAT much more..

I dont know what to do here. Maybe I need to be on some kind of medication to control my thoughts? I just feel like theres no way I will ever overcome this, and never enjoy life.

I dont know, any input is appreciated. Thanks.
Perhaps you should seek professional help.

Look…anything we focus on or obsess about will drive us nuts and yes, we can be overly concerned about ANYTHING and it’s never healthy. Sure you wish you were bigger but currently there isn’t much you can do about it.

However, if you’re enterprising enough, you can take that negative energy your building up about this feature of your body and do something with that energy…..like researching implants or developing solutions to help other guys like you.

Wait….you don’t think you’re the only one with this issue do you?? Well if so, wake up. Plenty of guys would like to be bigger….just like plenty of women wanted bigger breasts but there weren’t options available until recently (like the last 30 or so years).

Ok…so you’re not a doctor. So fucking what. Do something to address your issues and you may find that they are easier to live with. And you never know….you just might stumble onto something that others had overlooked.

People thought Henry Ford was a fool for creating the horseless carriage. Now look at how addicted we all are to our cars. People said, "if man were made to fly, we would have been born with wings" and many people believed them….yet The Wright Brothers didn’t buy into all that shit and now we take flying for granted.

They point is, don’t let anyone limit your thinking and you just might surprise yourself.

I do appreciate your response. I do want to comment on this, however. I hate when girls try to compare it and say "well theres guys out there that only date girls with big breast or that guys want girls to have big boobs"

First off, if a guy only dates girls with big breasts, or even cares about a womens breasts size, thats so shallow and petty in my opinion. A male gets NO physical stimulation from a woman’s breasts (other than touching them or something, but a woman does not insert her breasts into a man. We do not rate a sexual experience due to how big woman’s breasts are…)

penis size on the other hand is a different issue.

Many guys would strongly disagree with your point.

Me personally, I enjoy breasts but I’ve never NOT dated/slept with a girl because of her breast size.

The main thing tho is that you’re absolutely missing the point of that part of my post. The reason I included that was due to the the fact that many women felt inadequate with smaller breasts. Well someone went out and figured out how to solve that problem. You can be that someone for smaller endowed guys.
So what size are you? Are you average but insecure about it or are you actually way below average?

Edit-nevermind, I found your posts in the vag about it. My ex was around that size and I still got off almost every time You should seek counseling though because this is about way more than just the size of your cock. I saw all the other threads you made and every one of them relates back to this. You can’t even get off during sex because you are so concerned about it and you won’t just let yourself enjoy it. I’m sure the reason your past relationships ended was because you were so insecure and the girls couldn’t deal with it anymore. How can you expect a girl to like you when you don’t even like yourself?

how do you figure? It has everything to do with that.

and I feel like I’m pretty below average.

How am I expected to like myself when all I hear from girls mouths is how much it matters, how they’ve "walked out" on guys before, and how much better sex is with a big dick. I’ve seen girls get treated like animals but they stay with a guy because hes hung. Essentially its the backbone of a relationship to 99% of women that I’ve encountered, thus I have zero respect for them.

No, you are just using that as an excuse. You said you have always been insecure about things. First you used the weight as your excuse but now you can’t use that anymore so you had to focus on something else. Are you going to spend the rest of your life hiding and making excuses for why you can’t live your life the way you want or are you going to take that first step and do something about it? (by about it I mean getting help for your insecurities) There are plenty of guys who are your size or smaller but they don’t let that stop them from meeting girls. I used to know a guy whose cock was seriously about the size of a small finger but he always acted very confident and had no trouble getting chicks. Those guys are still confident in themselves so there is no reason you can’t be too.

How would you even know what would be average? Do you spend lots of time in men’s locker rooms comparing sizes? I doubt you really have that much of an idea besides things you hear people say which really don’t mean much.

I highly doubt you really hear that much about it and if you do then stop hanging out with those type of chicks. I’m a chick and I’ve never even heard another chick saying they had walked out on a guy before. Do you constantly bring up the subject with every women you meet so you can feed your insecurities even more? And what do these chicks look like who say this? Are they only the perfect looking chicks or are they average women?

You tried to say that women will compare it to how men are about boobs but actually it’s more like how men are about looks in general. Men focus on looks so much, see other threads around here for examples. They won’t talk to chicks that aren’t up to their standards in looks, they wonder if they should dump a girl so they can date someone hotter, they complain about every flaw they can find, they only want to sleep with the hottest women, etc. A woman’s looks don’t effect sex anymore than penis size does (assuming you fall into the average range which you do). Guys will stay with a chick and let her treat him like dirt just because she’s hot, the same way you say girls do with guys with big dicks. Lots of people stay in shitty relationships for all sorts of dumb reasons.

Do you think I should stop dating men because I don’t have a perfect supermodel looks/body? If I follow your logic then I would be thinking that no man would ever want me and anytime one does like me he will just leave me later when a better looking chick comes along. Is that how you feel with women? If you find a girl you really like will you leave her as soon as a better looking chick shows any interest in you? I would hope not and if you do feel that way then this post is pointless. When you love someone you accept them for who they are even though you may wish a few things were a little different. Also with the penis thing, girls don’t know what size you are right away. If you take the time to date a girl and get to know her before sleeping with her then she is already going to like you for who you are so she’s not going to run away because of your penis.

Also remember that women’s vaginas vary in size too. You will not be sexually compatible with every woman you meet and there’s nothing you can do about that. You may be too small for one woman or her vagina may not be tight enough for you. Some guys are too big to fit in their women at all or it hurts every time they have sex. If you aren’t compatible sexually then the relationship won’t work and it’s time to find someone else. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with YOU if things don’t fit right though.

And yes women talk about cock size with each other, it’s the same as the way guys have their locker room (or the main forum) talk. People will make exagerrated (sp?) statements and say things but it’s not necessarily how they will act in real life. Sure, I like looking at big cocks and if they aren’t so big that it hurts then it feels good during sex. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy sex with a smaller one. I never once thought of dumping my ex for a guy with a bigger cock. As long as I can still get off then I’m fine. It’s not something worth ending a great relationship for. The most important part of having great sex for women is the emotional connection. As long as you can reach what you need to (which you can) then focus more on developing a great relationship, which will make the sex so great that she won’t want to leave.

God I feel like Metallic Blue here I could prolly ramble on longer but I have to go to work now I think this is the first time I’ve made a post that long without using any smilies (until the end)
if a person TRULY loves you then it involves more than just sex. Also sex is only good if you care about the person you are having it with…if they care about you then they won’t care because they love YOU, not the sex you can provide for them relationships (at least good ones) should not be based on sex alone. Anyone who loves you should love every inch of you (no pun intended) and as long as you work hard to make sure she is satisfied, then size really does not matter.
So I’m asian….. yeah.

Trust me, I had the same issue. When I lost my virginity…. I remember taking off my pants in front of the girl…. just terrified….. "oh my god shes gonna make fun of my small penis" but after we were all done she said I was the best lay she ever had….. pretty good compliment for my first time.

My current g/f says she’s had some huge guys…. but she says I’ve fucked her better than they ever did…. she makes jokes a lot about how she’s only with me just for the sex

Man….. the vag has a lot of good info in the faqs on how to please a girl. Seriously, read up, apply, the girls will be impressed.

i can agree with what he says…but at the same time if she truly is only after a big dick then you don’t need her. Its called making love not trying to knock the bottom out…lol…if the couple truly loves each other their sex will be good no matter how big or small.

The weired thing is I’ve never been told I was bad in bed, in fact my last s/o told her friend I was "good in the sac" – but its still something that eats at me – maybe watching too much porn? You never see an average or below average guy in porn. (or rarely) I think the thought of a girl taking a big dick turns me on (because it turns the girl on) and since I cant do that it bothers me

I apologize if I was misleading, the point I was trying to make is that it was something I didn’t like about myself, and that hindered my social/sexual life, so I did something about it, and it was the greatest decision I could have made. This subject however, there is nothing I can do about it, which is what sucks. I’m the type of person that would bend over backwards for someone that deserves it, or do anything for someone, such as a s/o. In this area, I feel like I can’t offer what is desired and therefore am not good enough because I cannot provide something of such importance.

Aside from porn, which I feel like a spec of sand compared to those guys, just hearing girls talk about it, and most importantly the fact that a condom is generally too big for me.

Nope, its not something I bring up unless I felt there was a reason to. I’ve sat in on a few "girl" conversations with female friends, apparantly they felt comfortable enough around me to have these, and hearing some of the things they said made it one of the hardest things to sit through in my life. Like I said I’m the type of person that would do anything for someone I care for, so having an overwhelming feeling of inadequecy and not being good enough is all that I think about when girls rave about it.

As far as what these girls look like, everyone’s opinion is different, I can show you pictures if you’d like. They certainly don’t have any trouble getting men. Id say out of the 2 in particular I’m talking about, one is very good looking and the other is average to below average ( I mention her in my next paragraph)

Well, I can only speak for myself on this subject, but I certainly don’t focus on looks. The last girl I was with, in complete honesty, I was not attracted to her at all when I first met her. But after spending time with her and getting closer to her, not only did I fall in love with her personality and who she is, but she became physically attractive to me. I dont know how to describe it but I can honestly say I saw her in a different light, and I desired her and was attracted to her in every way possible.

I agree but I don’t think I could ever talk about this face to face with anyone, and I also feel like there’s nothing that could really make anything better aside from surgery.

So you have an issue that is affecting many different aspects of your life and you agree that you should prolly seek professional help in dealing with it, yet you’re going to let your embarrassment about that very issue keep you from finding help?? Hmmm ok….guess you like to play the victim role in life huh??

I usually tell people like you when I’m face to face with them, "Get down off the cross, we need the wood."

Ziiiing. I’ve never heard that, but wow- I plan on keeping that one in mind. That’ll keep you in check…

lol that’s kind of the reaction I get IRL also.
You lack self confidence because you lack knowledge.

Start here

I used to be as insecure about it as you are dude.

Your issue probably isn’t about your dick size, even though that’s the thing you focus on and obsess about.

What were your parents like? What was your childhood like? How did your friends treat you growing up? Any siblings? If so, how was your relationship with them?

I’m searching out, here, for any moment in your life where you were ridiculed for something that was beyond your control. Where someone made you feel like shit for something that you had ZERO control over. Anything come to mind?

Anyways, about size. I’m not sure exactly how big it is down there. Maybe it’ll make you feel better to know that there are other people like you out there? I have like an inch soft. But when it’s hard it gets to almost 5 inches. From what society would tell you, I am small.

But I was able to please my ex-wife.

The last girl I dated made a big issue out of it, but she was pretty much a whore. She told me that she needs a guy with 7 inches or more. And honestly, it didn’t get to me.

When you begin to focus on the fact that you aren’t going to be sexually compatable with everyone you meet, and that society makes such a big deal about dick size BECAUSE of the insecurity, you will start realizing that if you can’t please a girl because of your size, then so what? Out of 3 billion girls on the planet, you’ll be fine for at least a handful of them.

Make up for it in other areas. Get good at oral sex. Try different positions. Don’t be so paralyzed by your insecurities and fear that you can’t focus on just ENJOYING SEX.

That’s where I am at right now. All my life I have spent focusing on pleasing the girl (the girl who made an issue with my size supposedly orgasmed–whether she was faking it or not, I really don’t know or care) that I have neglected getting what *I* want. I have decided that from now on, I am going to just go and enjoy sex. Do my thing and have fun with it. That’s what it’s there for! It’s not some huge fucking competition that society tries to make it out to be. lol It’s supposed to be fun.

Make a conscious effort just to have fun with it and not worry about pleasing her. Keep the goal of "cumming" (for her or for you) out of your head while doing it and just enjoy the act itself.

And seek professional help about this. The issue here probably isn’t your dick size. The issue here has to do with the way key people in your life have treated you in the past.

I’m proud of you.

Normal, married, both work, nothing out of the oridinary. Childhood the same, always had close friends, pretty textbook childhood I’d say. One sibling, older sister, fought more when we were younger like most but were both over 20 now and we get along fine.

Yes… this exact subject! For the very reasons you listed are the very reasons its so frustrating and bothers the shit out of me. Pretty much impossible to feel good enough for anyone after someone basically tells you you’re not good enough, because of something like this.

Honestly, if a girl has made fun of you for your size, then she’s probably more insecure than you are.

Secure, confident people don’t feel a need to put someone down on things that they can never change.

These women are the scum, not you man. When you start realizing that, you can begin to start facing the insecurity and moving past it.

The cold truth is that there is NOTHING you can do about it. Absolutely nothing. Having the insecurity is going to sabotage your "skill" sexually and bring about the very results you fear. But facing that insecurity, moving past it, and relaxing and focusing on enjoying yourself will bring you AND HER much greater pleasure.

Sure, some people are going to reject you based on their size. At the end of the day, though, there’s nothing you can do about that.

And here’s where my inevitable "glass is half emtpy" thinking comes in… even with all these good intended words, the thing I pick out is that were almost the same exact size, and you’ve mentioned your last SO made a big deal out of it, and I also caught the word EX-wife. I certainly do not mean this personally, but if you read my intial post, youll notice that I felt marriage would be a near impossiblity due to my size, and again I mean this with no offense at all but that kind of goes hand in hand with my initial fears, know what I mean?

In that case I take offense that we’re the same size and you think we’re small to the point that we can’t have a long term relationship.

Yeah, I realize I’m probably below average by maybe an inch, but we’re not "small". At least not erect.

Small would be anything less than 3 or 4 inches.

You’re going to need professional help here I think. Honestly, I think it’d do you some good.

Well, to play devils advocate here, it sounded like at least one of your relationships did end because of that reason…..

and everytime one of mine do I can’t help but wonder if thats the reason as well.

I honestly can’t tell you why the relationship ended. She cited "lack of sexual chemistry" and made an off the cuff comment about the next guy needing to be 7+ inches, but honestly, I just think she needed a reason to end it so she could get back with her ex-husband.

Who knows. The trick is to not care. Yeah it hurts your pride and it takes some time to actually not care, but eventually you realize that you are better off.

That’s unfortunate.

Sounds pretty difficult.

Give me the measurements. I’ll tell you if you’re smaller than I am. I’m small, I mean real small, we’re talking hamster cock small. Well, ok, maybe not that small, but women seem to like having sex with me — I know, because they keep coming back for more.

Wow, only a year later than me.

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of guy that people have a hard time lying to if only because I’m so sincerely honest. You get what you give.

That’s truly unfortunate. You seem like a nice guy to me, I’ve seen you around here posting. Let me tell you something, If you can get em’ pregnant, then nature did ok. I’ve gotten "two" girls pregnant in my past. I have truly learned the hard way — literally, like a ninja. Small he is, but don’t be deceived, so was Bruce Lee.

Trust me, you’re not perfect champ, and you never will be. They’ll leave you over a lot of other things first. Women are programmed differently. They’ll forgive a guy for just about anything if she loves him. Just look at me, I’ve got a crippling illness, and I’m disabled, unable to work, and I spend most of my time home alone. I don’t spend it alone because I have to, but because I chose to for a long time. I wouldn’t let anyone in, because I was "sick" and didn’t want to be a burden on them. What a silly thing for me to fear! I’m going to be a burden no matter what, so I may as well get some enjoyment out of life! I’m a pain in the ass, but I have so many fantastic qualities too, and I’m a machine when I’m feeling better.

I assure you, find yourself a cute little chick about 5’1 to 5’2, nail her with your 2 inch pinky and watch her squirm. Seriously, God made one, for everyone, true story. I swear on all that is holy, that there is someone out there who is bitching about how "big" most guys are and that sex "hurts." You just have to find the right fit for you.

No woman? Do you have any idea how irrational that is? Are you kidding me? You’re basically calling all women whores by saying that. That’s an insult and disrespectful. You need to seriously reevaluate the logic behind what you’re saying on that issue.

Why do you think sex shops are so popular? Dildos, strap ones, massage toys, — seriously, you can please a woman far more easily than you can imagine. Your issue isn’t between your legs, it’s between your ears. You have no idea how great a guy you could be if you’d only stop being irrational and thinking about all the negative things. Didn’t you know that you create what you fear? You have to challenge this fear of yours by realizing it’s not real, it’s true only because you allow it to manifest. Your dick could be as small as a tootsie roll, or hell, I know guys who don’t even have dicks, seriously. They were hurt in a car accident, burned, all sorts of things, and guess what chief? Women still like them, shocking, right? There are truly fantastic women out there who just want someone to love and who loves them — not necessarily between the sheets, but as people. Sure women like pleasure, but you’re not missing your tongue too are you? And besides, if you’re cock is bigger than a Tootsie roll, I assure you there is a woman out there right for you who will love riding your baloney pony.

Your logic is entirely irrational and nonsense, especially after the arguments I’ve made. Women who talk about wanting a massive cock, and who can actually take one, aren’t right for you! It doesn’t say anything about you. Some girl out there right now is crying after having her cervix pounded by some guy who is probably apologizing for being too big. It’s true too.

I understand you ‘feel’ that way, but the reality is, there is a possibility you will overcome it, and my personal belief is you will. I do suggest you get counseling, not because you have a small penis though. What you’re dealing with goes beyond sexual to the core of your identity. Talking to a professional about your feelings will help you work through the underlying issue that really strikes to the core.

You’re welcome. Like the mailman, you should never fail to deliver your package, big or small!

Everyone has personal preferences. Some guys like tit fucking a chick, guess that’s a little tough to do with small tits, don’t you think?

Maybe you are. I’m only 5’8, plenty of women have turned me down claiming I’m not "tall". I’ve got the dark and handsome part down, but height? Nope. So you know what I did? I found a girl who was short! My girl is 5’2!

Do you really want to date a stupid cunt? I mean really chief. What does "she" have to offer you? A woman who loves a big dick is one thing, a woman who walks out on a guy with a small dick is a girl who simply isn’t right for you.

They aren’t staying because he’s hung, they’re staying because they have psychological problems.

See, this isn’t even about your package, you fundamentally have a dislike for women. I don’t know where you’ve been hanging out, but you seriously need to find a different place because the women I know will talk a licking and a dildo dicking and beg for more, and when I hop on with my "smaller than average" meat stick, they cum and cum and cum some more, just like AC DC’s song "Big Balls."

Most women I’ve met told me I was the best lay they ever had, and I believe them. Let me tell you why I believe them, because they were in love with me. They called me, they paid for "my" meals, they wanted "my attention." You know what I did? Stayed home sick most of the time. "Oh but please please let me come over to spend time with you? I’ll bring a movie!" — "No thanks, I don’t feel well, I’m going to go to bed. "

It’s PORN, of course you’re not going to see "average" more often than not. Have you looked at magazines lately, or watched TV shows or even song writers? Jesus Christ, everyone is "perfect". PORN is no different, the men and women are "gorgeous" most of the time, they’re endowed with the biggest and best nature and surgery have to offer!

That isn’t real, that is "created" and manufactured for entertainment. You are a real human being, with real imperfections. Your cock is one part of you, and what you call imperfect, some people would call "Just right."

You said you’d bend over backwards for someone who deserves it, but that you can’t do it in this area, that you can’t give them what they desire?

Give to who? You don’t even give "someone you care about" enough time to tell you what they desire from you, because you’re too quick! You reject them before you even "do" care about them.

They can’t even get close enough to you to reject you over this issue, so so how do you know what they want and don’t want?

Get my point?

You do realize they make condoms for different sized men, right?

I’ve heard those conversations too. I spoke up during a number of them and said "Oh, so what if the guy has a smaller dick, what then?"

One girl said:

Her: Well, is he hot?
Me: Oh, very.
Her: Is he sweet?
Me: Very
Her: Does he know how to use his mouth?
Me: Maybe *wink wink*
Her: Oh…….*grin*….*blushing*

Another girl said:

Her: I love a big dick, but if I like a guy, I’ll deal with a smaller sized guy.
Me: Why, that’s stupid?
Her: Well size matters, but it’s not the only thing that matters.
Me: Well, that’s stupid too, why would anything else matter? A good dicking is the bottomline.
Her: Uh, no. A guy who loves me is the bottomline.
Me: Oh really? Well what is his incentive to love you? I mean really, what do you have to offer?
Her: Well, ….. I… I’d treat him good if he treated me good.
Me: Like treated you how? Fucked your brains out?
Her: No, if he held me, and hugged me, and just loved me.
Me: Well shit, why don’t you just date women instead? Give me a hug.
Her: You’re such an asshole mike. *laughing*

You’re trying to put a square peg into a round hole, or in this case a small peg into a gaping hole. You seriously need to reevaluate the type of women you’re considering. The right girl for you isn’t bragging about big dicks.

So in other words you settled. So you’re saying that you’re a saint and everyone else is a piece of shit basically. That other people aren’t capable of forgiving you for a potential perceived imperfection.

Irrational, again. We can go round and round in circles if you like, but the fact is, you’re obviously wrong, because your the one who doesn’t have what he wants. You can’t hear the truth if you’re too busy telling everyone else yours. I’m telling you the truth, and the truth is, your throwing the baby out with the bathwater, you’re labeling all women whores, who are incapable of honesty, who secretly cheat, who aren’t capable of reaching sainthood like you in the department of a forgiving imperfect apearances, or appendages and that your single minded approach to sex and relationships is absolute. You’re so far off base it’s unreal, literally.

Erect a little under 5” and girth (not width) around 4”?

Even if you had surgery, you’d still suffer. You’d find something else, just like you did with your weight. You’re the type of guy who just sets the bar higher and higher. You hold yourself to impossible standards while forgiving everyone else assuming they’ll always fail you before they’ve even had the chance to.

I do have to agree with you there, I notice I’m constantly trying to improve or do better, or better myself somehow. Which is good, you want drive, and initiative, and that strive for success. But sometimes I think its a bad thing, because if its too much, I’ll never be satisfied with where I’m at.

So basically, you’re about an inch shorter than the average male penis. 5.5 inches is the average. Amazing, and your argument is most women won’t forgive an inch?

You give a whole new meaning to the phrase. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. You could be doing so much worse.

I showed you mine, now show me yours

Am I ‘hamster’ small?

Your words remind me of a song I love by my favorite band. In this particular song they’re talking about money, but the point is the same whether applied to your penis, your muscles, your height, your degrees on the wall, the size of your house, etc.

In this song the guy talks about a girl and a diamond ring, it sounds just like you with this "size" issue.

When success is equated with excess
The ambition for excess wrecks us
As top of the mind becomes the bottom line
When success is equated with excess

If you’re time ain’t been nothing but money
I start to feel really bad for you honey
Maybe honey put you’re money where your mouth’s been running
If you’re time ain’t be nothing but money

I want out of this machine
It doesn’t feel like freedom

(chorus)
This ain’t my American dream
I want to live and die for bigger things
I’m tired of fighting for just me
This ain’t my American dream

When success is equated with excess
When we’re fighting for the beamer, the lexus
As the heart and soul breathing the company goals
Where success is equated with excess

I want out of this machine
It doesn’t feel like freedom

(chorus)

Cause baby’s always talkin ’bout a ring
And talk has always been the cheapest thing
Is it true would you do what I want you to
If I show up with the right amount of bling?

Like a puppet on a monetary string
Maybe we’ve been caught singing
Red, white, blue, and green
But that ain’t my America,
That ain’t my American dream

(chorus)

Close but no cigar, well….maybe a cigar that’s been smoked to the last puff. You know, those tiny little nubs people breath in before they discard it? I’m the one they "did" discard.

You’re a little below average, but you aren’t on the bottom rung champ.

So you’re telling me you’re smaller yet you have women coming back wanting more sex?

Hell no I’m not saying that. Well, maybe, but don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to keep up on OT, you know?

When you lack the proper equipment for the job, you’ve still got a job to do, so you’ve got to do it well, and that means compensating with some rotating, pulsating, gyrating, and masturbating (her that is).

And now it seems, you are going to come face to face with a difficult truth….that your difficulties with women have less to do with your small penis and more to do with other issues. Issues that perhaps a professional may be able to help you with…..after all….these other issues might not be yours to fix. It might very well be the types of women you are pursuing.

I’m not being condescending and saying, "I told you so" or anything like that. I’m glad someone was able to, perhaps, get through to you.

Hey, no harm intended, I’m only responding to your post! I held my breath and clicked Submit Reply when answering your question, and you were supposed to tell me if I was smaller

In all honesty, thats the best news I could hear. Anything else physical about my body doesn’t bother me like this. Anything mental I feel I can overcome. The penis issue is the one thing I cannot. If thats not really the problem, then hellafuckin yoo-ya. But figuring it out what it is, and solving it, is the issue, because I honestly feel its still the issue.

I can tell you you’re smaller if that’ll make you feel better.

But now you’re contradicting everything you’ve told me. lol. You said you were very small. You said I’m just below average. Now Im smaller but im average and youre very small?

Sure it’s easier to believe your problems are caused by something that you have absolutely no control over nor did you have any say so in it’s creation. So if you can blame your problems on that, then you can avoid the real issues.

Unfortunately you also avoid any real solutions also.

This is such classic victim mentality…..I really hope you realize this.

Re-read it and you’ll laugh. I’m being facetious. Rest assured, you should feel grateful for the power tool you’re carrying. You know those "Pigs in a blanket" you see passed around at parties? Yeah…………….

I have to laugh, it helps me keep my sanity.

Damnit Cootie, why are you always right?

Oh shit….I should print that and send it to my ex.

I’ve gotta say tho, you were able to at least make a dent in his images. Kudos to you for that.

Don’t thank me, thank God, he’s the asshole who cursed me with a small veiner snitzle. At least he didn’t short me on brains or good looks.

I’m not denying anything or saying youre wrong, but nothing else bothers me other than this.

It’s not like I have a drug problem and I’m blaming it on the fact that a parent abandoned me like its their fault so that I don’t have to responsibility for my own issue. (and no, that didnt happen, just an anology) Its nothing like that at all. I honestly have felt like this since…. 11? 12? I’ve always always for as long as I can remember felt insecure about this issue and its the only thing I cant overcome.

Again I’m not saying you are wrong, but, I also cannot see where that diagnosis is correct.

I think you need to read something. I read parts of this and it helped me, maybe it’ll help you.

Well I’m obviously having trouble getting through to you again. I’m not sure how I can say it any clearer than I already have.

I know you "think" your issues are centered around your small penis because it’s been your excuse for so long. Look….length of time doesn’t make it correct. When you were 11 or 12 YOU made the diagnosis….then your whole life you’ve assumed the diagnosis is correct. You honestly aren’t even questioning your own diagnosis that you made AT 12 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!

Come on man….you have to realize how silly that is. Can’t you even admit that your perceptions at that age may have been warped? I mean that’s when most people hit puberty and most peoples hormones are raging…..it’s hard to think clearly at that age…..let alone make a proper diagnosis about what is and is NOT average penis size.

Maybe I was wrong at 12, but here at almost 21 I’m still being told I have a small penis

I remember showering during football practice and trying to always take the corner shower head so I could hide in the corner. That was my freshmen year. By senior year I was running through the locker room naked whipping other guys in the ass with my towel and dating this really hot girl named Marcia.

I know, it sounds kind of gay, but at least the girl was hot. Other guys didn’t make fun of me at any point. I always wondered why. Turns out I now know why other guys constantly tried to take the same corner spot. Fuckers…

You told him you had a small penis, so he’s talking in context to your statement and feelings about it. He’s not telling you he thinks you’re small, he’s telling you "you think it’s small, and that by focusing soley on that you’re avoiding the real issue."

Exactly!

I’m making no judgments about the size, or lack there of. In fact, 99% of the guys that have issues with their size are so self absorbed that they have simply lost all perspective.

I think its small because the majority of girls do.

The majority of girls might think I’m short too, being 5’9, but that doesnt bother me. Why? Because its nothing of significance in a person or a relationship. What benefits do you gain from dating someone tall? Nothing. I may have a thing for blondes but I dont shy away from brunetttes. Why? Because its just a mental thing that has no physical or emotional significance over someone whos brunette. Same goes for a tall guy vs a shorter guy.

The real issue? I have no idea what it is then if its not this.
Do you know what the largest sexual organ in the body is??

The brain.

Go see a professional….seriously….just go.

Would it be possible for some kind of anxiety/depression issue could be fixating on this issue? Talking to a few friends who are on them, there’s times I feel like I could benefit from a zoloft/lexapro type drug for several reasons.

You have a low self image of yourself and perhaps it’s because of chemicals and stuff in your brain that certain drugs might help. But only a psychiatrist could tell you that.

I think the MOST helpful thing (aside from going to seek professional counselling) is to ask yourself why you have such a low self image of yourself. I want to say that the size of your dick is really just the EXCUSE for a much larger problem.

I would venture to say (although I’m no expert) that your problem stems from the fact that YOU don’t feel good enough to be with a girl because of your insecurities or what not, and as a result your mind is creating reasons for you not to be with them. You’ve become so fixated on your size being the ‘reason’ why you can never get married (that part shot out at me when you were replying to me) that you don’t realize that it’s not your SIZE that’s the reason, it’s that you don’t think you are good enough or that a girl could every truly love you completely for who YOU are.

It’s self-defeating.

I kind of understand your problem here, because I can really relate to it.
Oh and let me add something for you…

My ex-wife was a virgin when we started dating (as was I). I was immensely insecure about the size of my dick (and I’d assert that it was becaue I watched too much porn–PORN IS NOT BASED IN REALITY of average size. They are the largest among us) for years.

At some point I think I mentioned the insecurity to her and she had a really puzzled look on her face.

She actually said "But you’re so BIG, why are insecure?"

I kind of did a double take (because even though she was a virgin, I know she’d seen a couple other dicks than mine–she was in a hot tub with a guy and almost ended up having sex with him before we met).

Now, either I allowed my insecurity to get the best of me to a point where I think that I am below average even though I might very well be right at average. OR because she was a virgin, I was able to satisfy her more.

I honestly don’t know. I just know that if you keep searching, you’re going to find a girl who will be very pleased with the size of your dick (especially if you really are at about the same size as me–we’re not SMALL…we may be below the "average" of 6 inches, but we’re not too small).

I wanted to share that with you and I hope it kind of helps you. There ARE girls out there that you can satisfy man. Don’t let a few fucking whores ruin your confidence.

Another part of your irrational circular logic. You hang around idiots, obviously. That’s become abundantly clear. I will gladly go back over everything you’ve said to confirm this point by posting the statements you’ve made.

• You feel women are all superficial whores who will cheat on you and leave you over your size.(Yet later you forgive them for this, admitting that’s just the way they are, so it’s you who don’t measure up.)
• All women want a large penis, but you also said (The ones I’ve known), which of course is in direct opposition.
• You said you’re small. (Compared to what exactly? — the majority? The average? Porn stars? What women say?) The average penis is — if you look at studies done includes yours. You’re on the lower side of average, in the 30% category. So you’re still in the "average". That means that 30% of 3 million men on this planet are around the same size as you.
• You said the girls who discussed size were "making fun of small ones and saying how much size matters." They sound like immature girls trying to impress each other over "how much they can take." Just like guys talk shit over "how deep they can go, and how big they are, when the reality is they’re often average, and the average girl yelps when a guy larger than average hits her cervix and claims "it’s too big."
• Men who desire larger breasts on women are shallow and petty and you imply they’re the one with the problem. Yet, some men get satisfaction from breast size, otherwise they wouldn’t like it – and you condemn them over their preference, but you "forgive" women who are just as shallow and petty and say you’re the problem. You can’t understand that some have that preference while others have other preferences. You only focus on what you want to see.

While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the average human penis is approximately 12.7 – 15 cm (5 – 5.9 in) in length with a 95% of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently,(4.23 in, 7.53 in)). The typical girth or is approximately 12.3 cm (4.85 in) when fully . The penis size is slightly larger than the size (or, put another way, most penises are below average in size).

So on average you’re a fraction smaller at best. On a ruler this is "barley" noticeable, not to mention we have no idea where you began the measurement from so we’re assuming you measured correctly. Studies report that the vast majority of women — objective studies mind you — are psychologically and biologically (based on Brain MRI’s and SPECT scans) attracted to "the average" penis, with a standard deviation of . We can debate that all day long but the fact is, you’re unreasonable. The evidence is clear, the majority are are attracted to the average even though popular culture and conversations among women and men claim that "bigger is better." — when objectively studied, this is false.

Not true, evolutionary, height is often proportional to weight, the weight and size — especially if healthy serves as greater protection to a female, at least earlier in our history. Women naturally feel safer with someone who is taller. Ask them yourself, they often report that.

Again, not true. Your attraction to a specific type is often genetically determined as a result of what serves you best in spreading your genes. Given you’re likely a white male with European ancestry, your genes predispose you to a greater likelyhood of desiring a woman who will survive that environment.

Shorter men are likely to survive different environments, this is why height like all genetic issues are related to ethnicity, and the location their anchestors evolved in.

Black women tend to be attracted to black men, white to white, asian to asian. While it’s not practical in our society anymore, our DNS doesn’t care.

A large penis however is not a biologically desired issue among the majority, simply one which is capable of impregnatiing.

It is possible, though I would suggest a combination of psychotherapy and medication intervention in your case. The medication is simply to alleviate some of the symptoms of anxiety and distress, but the underlying issues are psychological I suspect, which are driving the biological changes.

I can’t say that I have any issues with anything else

Nothing traumatic happened growing up, I generally like the way I look, I like most characteristics about myself, other than sometimes I’m a little shy or trust people too easily, but nothing major.

I was reading a study on measurements being taken on a college campus, this is a quote from a student, and I couldn’t agree with him more.

"Every time I look at a girl I think about having sex with her. When I finally get up the nerve to talk to here, I blow it because I know the night may end in sex. If it ends in sex, she will be laughing all the way back to her friends. I just don’t want to be the next labeled loser of the campus. It’s not worth it."

Obviously that’s his wording, but I couldn’t agree more. I can’t tell you how many times I don’t bother talking to a girl because I figure eventually we’ll have sex and then she’ll leave me, so why bother?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate every response and word of wisdom you’ve replied with, but, I can’t seem to believe that there’s more to it, and I’m not saying you’re wrong, you could very well be spot on. But I just don’t see it. I feel like its something I’ve fixated on for so long that its become an obsession and that other problems stem from this, rather then the other way around. (in other words, instead of blaming problems on my size, I think any other problems stem from my insecurity and dissatisfaction with my size)

I feel like if I woke up with a 9 inch dick all my problems would be gone.

You should know….when I was sobering up, I had to face a lot of issues that I honestly didn’t think applied to me. I needed help. I needed someone who wasn’t emotionally involved in my life to help me gain perspective. I honestly didn’t believe I was an alcoholic, I thought it was any number of other shit going on….seriously, I couldn’t see it no matter what.

This happened over and over again as I sobered up and it happened with other issues, not just alcoholism. While it didn’t necessarily happen in regards to my penis size, there were issues that I thought I knew exactly what the problem was….but I was really wrong on so many of those.

The thing is, I had to trust the other people in my life that were trying to help me. I had to become willing to consider that they were right and I was wrong. I was so invested in my position and my beliefs that I simply didn’t believe that others had any clue what was really going on. In fact, I often said….you just don’t understand.

Thankfully I started to learn that I might actually be wrong about a great many things. The people that I had previously thought were wrong turned out to be 100% correct. This wasn’t brainwashing….this was me, taking in what they said, doing the things they suggested then observing the results for myself. It was only after I observed the results that I started to understand that these people had been right all along. It was then that I wanted to find out how many other issues I was wrong about in my life. I had to seriously consider that I had been horribly wrong in my perceptions and conclusions. I was surprised at how often this happened.

The main traits that I needed to have were honesty, openmindedness and willingness. These were enough to begin my journey.

Again I say, consider the possibility that you’ve been horribly wrong about this issue your entire life. Now, you’ll need help unraveling all the issues that will come as a result of this. This unraveling will likely feel like a complete unbalancing and you may very often, doubt that you are on the correct path. However, stay the course and you might find, as I did, that the unbalancing was not turning my life upside down….it was, in fact, turning it right side up.

This is a simple thought that keeps you in your victim mentality. If you did wake up with a 9 inch penor…you would simply have a different set of problems.

Women kicking in your door to have sex isnt a problem

But on a serious note, what you said does make sense, I’m just still in that stage where I’m ignorant to anything else being the problem. I don’t think I could ever seek professional help and have the discussion with them face to face that I’ve had here, which is why I came here, so I’m not sure how to surpass the point where you say I’m at right now. I am doing all I can to take your viewpoint into consideration as getting over this is the only way I feel like I can enjoy life. Sometimes its to the point where it severely interfers with everyday life. I get sad and have no motivation to study for class. I’ll be trying to take a test and I space out and start thinking about this, and get down again. So, maybe there is a slew of other problems or something else thats really the issue, but if nothing else seems wrong how the hell can I pinpoint it?

we should all be so lucky!

You simply have to trust.

Trust was/is one of my main issues. I don’t trust easily and it was so difficult when I need to trust the most. When I was lost and in serious need of help, I had to do the thing that felt the most abhorrent…..I had to trust.

You will have to decide whether your fears about discussing your issues with someone face to face is greater than your desire to be free. Let me tell you…..freedom feels amazing! To simply be free from that which used to torment me is one of the greatest gifts of my life…..but it wasn’t easy to get to.

I had to say, "You know what, I’m scared to death but I’m going to take action anyways because I really want to be free." There were times I had to have similar talks with my shrink. I’d say things to him like, "Look, I don’t want to talk about this stuff because quite honestly, I’m ashamed, embarrassed and I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me. If you do, I swear to God I’ll walk out that door and nothing you say will ever get me back. These are very serious issues to me and if you don’t respect them….and me….I’m gone and you won’t even get a chance to say I’m sorry. Seriously….don’t test me on this."

Now, any professional can handle talk like that because they do respect these issues. They understand how deep and personal they are. They understand how difficult it is to get us to open up and be honest….especially when it seems so much easier to just ignore these serious issues and go on living our lives. Often times, they enter the helping professions because they have also been helped by other caring souls.

Yes it’s difficult. Yes it can be terrifying and yes, it can take every ounce of courage you can muster to simply open your mouth and begin speaking. However, it can also be the one of the most liberating things in your life.

Now the thought of walking in on your first visit and puking out this issue isn’t appealing and prolly you shouldn’t do that. You need someone you can trust and sometimes it takes time to find that professional that you can really get down and dirty with. When you find them, you can do some very serious work but you’ll have to trust them…..even when you don’t feel like you trust them yet. I know…it’s sounds contradictory but it’s true.

This forum, while a decent start, pales in comparison to regular and intensive therapy with a professional.

Good insight….. and I had to do what you described in order to even post in this forum. That alone was a huge step for me, but I felt it was something I almost HAD to do. I couldnt even orgasm during sex because the only thing running through my mind at the time was embarassment, insecurities, was I even doing anything for this girl? I bet she wished I was so much bigger. I feel like I’m barely stretching her out or going deep enough.

I couldnt even enjoy sex and it definitely ruins my confidence level with females, so my first time was coming here.

Hey that’s progress man and look….it didn’t kill you to express yourself here. Don’t let your fears keep you from finding help. It is out there.

Good luck and God Bless.
I think chicks obsessing about big dicks are like college kids drinking beer all the time even though they hate it just because they are supposed to like it. I’m sure some really enjoy big dicks, just like some really enjoy drinking a case a night, but, i bet half of them really don’t care.

I know when I was in chat rooms looking for sex (bad time in my life, lol) everyone in there, in their first sentence or two, would ask "how hung are you" or explain how hung they were. I didn’t care. It was stupid. I wouldn’t even talk to someone who was bigger than 6 because, its just useless, lol. I certainly can’t do anything with the fucking thing, so whats the point, lol. My current BF is average, 5, 6, and I couldn’t be happier. I was with someone who was 9 inches, and he friggen sat there like a moron and didn’t know wtf to do with it.

You sound kinda young, and you might have said your age before, but i missed it. I’m 25. In highschool, when my female friends would have sex with someone, all I would hear about was how big they were, yadda yadda. As I grew up, the "running to brag" conversation has changed drastically. Now, I seldomly hear anything about that, and, its all about "omg, i met someone, and he is so awesome, he treats me so great." Thats what mature, wife material woman look for. And yeah, some prefer huge dicks, but, I’m telling you, love can overcome physical obstacles to the point they aren’t even obstacles anymore. Trust me bud, don’t look at porns to compare yourself to. I’ve been with over 170 guys, and I have had 1 bigger than 8, lol. everyone else was average to below average. be confident, that matters more.

Ever talk to ladies about it?

Only ones that really actually enjoy huge cocks are porn stars.

Most actually like a smaller one since it’s more comfy for them.

Where do you get this shit from? I don’t get it… I mean, a lady shouldn’t be dumping you since you think you got a small dick. On a scale of 1-10 of lame reasons for getting dumped, that’s about a 9.6/10.

That’s how absurd that is. Whether you really believe it, I don’t know but that’s the truth.

And that’s the bottom line… because civicmon said so.

It will take time, but you’ll arrive where you need to go. We can’t push you faster than you’re able, and it is a tough issue for you. I’m convinced now you will get through it, so I’m done giving you advice directly. In-fact I’m happy for you now. You’ve already come a long way. And if it helps you, I’ve been in counseling for 20 years. I still am.
You’re going to laugh at this Jay, but I asked my girlfriend this question yesterday while thinking about you. Here is how it went.:

Me: So I was talking to someone on the internet babe.
Her: What was it about?
Me: Well this guy you don’t know, he was telling me a situation, and I could relate to the topic of discussion.
Her: What was the topic?
Me: Having a small penis, extremely small, at least that’s how he perceived it and being terrified that a woman would leave a man over such an issue.
Her: Really?
Me: Yeah, I mean I’m not afraid you’d leave me over it, but some men are really, and I mean truly terrified. At one time I was afraid too.
Her: Wow, that’s really too bad.
Me: Yeah, it’s hard to enjoy sex and loving someone when you feel so inadequate thinking you’d be unable to satisfy them.
Her: Well if it helps, I think you have a really big one.
Me: You’re kidding right?
Her: No, I’m dead serious. I love you, I wouldn’t lie to you.
Me: But, it’s so small.
Her: To you maybe, but I’m tiny! Everything is big to me!
Me: Haha, yeah, I fuck you like I’m the Hulk. I knock that cervix out of the park like I’m Mark Meguire.
Her: You sure do, damn! I would love you even if you didn’t, you’re my best friend.

So Jay, I guess you see how your own story is eventually going to end. Everyone here and in the world always says "Mike was right, when he said I’d put up a fight to be someone, a fight to be me!"

The reality is, you will overcome this. Women aren’t all out to get you, and you’ll be loved just the way you are. If an asshole like me can find an adoring cutie who likes a tiny twizzler, then you’ll find a girl who likes a cute caterpillar.

At the end of the day, the ONLY thing that’s going to make your problem go away will be facing your fear.

You’re going to have to go against everything you believe, and just have sex again. And again. And again.

What’s that old saying? Fake it till you make it.

I know you don’t believe it, but what if you STOPPED believing you were small and STARTED believing us? I know, to you it would mean LYING to yourself. And I’m saying, lie to yourself. At least for a little while. Don’t even entertain the idea that you are small. When that enters your head, LIE TO YOURSELF (it’s not lying, but to YOU it will feel like lying) and tell yourself that you have enough.

I mean, if you want to get over this problem, you’re going to have to DO something. It’s obvious to me that you aren’t willing to listen to us here. You want someone to say the right thing that will just make your problems all go away without actually DOING something about it.

That’s NOT going to happen. You’re problems won’t go away until you actively fix them. Until you start to trust EVERYONE in this thread. There are so many of us telling you the same thing. And it’s not like we are lying to make you feel better. We’re not. If your dick is the size of mine, then man, you really aren’t that small. You have to find a way to believe me.

Why do you allow this problem to ruin your life when you can be so happy with a woman who loves you for YOU not the size of your dick? Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
Get yourself some Ejaculoid, that’s give you some added size. I’m picking some up. Bodybuilding.com baby.

I didnt think stuff like that worked

Bodybuilding.com, the forums has a review, and all the guys talked about it. It’s the number 2 selling sexual health product on the site, and they’re a credible site. I bought two products. The Ejac, and the Maca.

I dont see where ejaculoid says anything about size, just increases volume of seamen

See, this is where I can begin to get over it but it just gets recycled by having sex… in a way. I think there’s no doubt that my past partners have only made my problem 10 times worse. OK, lets say I accept the fact that I’m not "small" – I’m average. I still feel small compared to bigger guys or compared to what girls want. No, I’m not going to be able to pound out your cervix or make you yelp when I enter you, and that’s the impression that every female thus far has given me. The last girl I was sleeping with would constantly talk about how huge her ex boyfriend was, all the freaking time. She’d act like it wasnt a good thing but she’d always say things like "I could feel it in my stomach" or "He would just pound on me" and then when we’d have sex I could thrust balls deep and barely get a reaction out of her…. so its frustrating. Especially if she’s used to someone big just pounding inside her. And because of things like that I can’t help but think thats the reason why she’d either not want to have sex or not want to be with me, etc.

If you pick a loser to have sex with, then yeah, you may run into that problem.

Don’t pick a loser and you’ll be just fine.

It increases erection, and size too. Not much, as it’s primary goal isn’t to increase length or girth. However there are exercises to do just that.

The problem isnt going to go away regardless of who I have sex with

Which problem? Having a girl cheat and leave you over something as trivial as having a slightly smaller than average penis, or the actual penis size itself?

The type of sex that I think I’m fixated on that makes me so insecure – deep rough bottoming out pounding sex that she wants and I want but cannot deliver

Buy dildos to use on them, pound away. That’s my secret weapon. Get kinky, chicks "love" it. Defocus on penis size, focus on pleasuring, they will keep coming back for more and more and more.

They can use dildos anytime they want… I think the idea of sex is the feeling of an actual penis, and also I’d hate to have to use a dildo on someone to get them off because I wasn’t big enough, what kind of sex life is that

A good one apparently, I’m happy.

You’re more patient than I am. He’s convinced that his conclusions reached when he was 12 years old are correct and he’s simply unwilling to back away from them. After all, some skank confirmed them by using that as an excuse to leave him.

I mean he’s not even willing to discount her comments as her being bitter because of the break up and the possibility that she is simply stating things to hurt his feelings. She got what she wanted….she’s continuing to torque on his mind because he is letting her. However, she simply validated something that HE no doubt discussed with her on numerous occasions.

You know, in life we have to "consider the source" when determining what voices we will listen to. The ex sounded just like his internal monologue so he thinks, "See….I do have a small penis." instead of saying, "FUCK HER".

IMO he’s either:
A) a troll
B) loves his lot in life so much that he can’t let it go

That’s happened to me before too. I’ve dated girls who said some nasty things to me. The difference between me and Jay is, I’ve gotten through all the things he’s currently facing. He’ll get through them too eventually.

Girls have told me I’m the biggest piece of shit they’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. The truth is, there was the unpleasant one, they were the one with issues, and I realized it and disconnected from them and ended the relationship. I don’t keep putting money into a losing investment, I dump the stock and I put my money somewhere else, just like my cock. Women are no different. Dump the losers, users and abusers. A real woman is kind, compassionate, loving, giving, and trustworthy. It takes time to confirm those qualities, so you can’t be quick to accept them until they prove themselves.

Oh I’m absolutely sure of that. I’m exceedingly adept at detaching from people, primarily because I learned early on that people can’t be trusted. People have to earn my trust over a long period of time. Most people I talk to "think" I’m being intimate with them, that I’m sharing my deepest darkest secrets, when in reality I’m actually very detached. I don’t connect until I believe deep down in the person.

See, Jay has to learn to protect himself and to understand that people who sincerely care about him aren’t going to even be thinking about "penis sizes." Women are so much different than men it’s not even funny. During sex, a woman in love thinks about being "loved" — not necessarily the act, while men think about the act almost entirely. Sure we "love" too, but we’re wired so differently.

Jay’s biggest demon is that he believes the hype. He believes the bullshit he sees on TV, porn, the bullshit he hears from women trying to impress each other, the lockroom "My dick is bigger than your dick" conversations — he gets so lost in the obsession that he loses his identity. He doesn’t realize his prick doesn’t encapsulate the qualities that truly make him a man.

There is one more possibility.

C: He’s so invested in his fear, that what he’s feared he’s created. What you fear you create, what you fear manifests and becomes real.

It’s like a man who fears being cheated on. He becomes so obsessed that he begins to act in ways that unconsciously sabotage his relationship to the point that it literally drives the other person to abandon him — often cheating in order to have her emotional needs met. It’s rarely even about the physical component for women in relationships.

Good point….I guess my B tried to encapsulate that but there is a difference.

You know it’s sad that he doesn’t even see what’s going on or is so embarrassed by his issues that he can’t accept help. I don’t think he even knows that a better life exists or is even possible. I seriously reminds me of when I was lost in the disease of addiction.

It’s very similar I think. In our culture it’s easy to be misled by fantasy. Not only that, but we’re consumed by material things, including the images of people. We tie our identities to who the media tells us we are, or our families, friends and our lovers.

Women tend to suffer as a result of body image, men suffer in a similar way but it tends to usually be "sexually" — such as Jay here. Men often feel worthless when they suffer Erectile Dysfunction, Impotence, or any perceived inability to please a woman.

The irony is that men aren’t so much concerned with an inability to please women, as it is an inability to please them which leads to them telling everyone about this inability. It’s more of being shamed and shunned by groups. They’ll deny this up and down of course, but peer pressure and acceptance into a group or culture makes a big difference.

A few months ago I was with my girlfriend, we had sex almost constantly for three straight weeks. There were two times where I couldn’t even get it up. I was so fatigued from having so much sex that I couldn’t even get hard.

I’m like the king of hardons and sex, but even I am human. I went as far as tying a string around my cock to literally get the little guy in the fight. I walked into the room and my girlfriend goes "WTF?" and she started laughing at me!

I said "Hey listen, do you want to be fucked or not? Then shut up because I’ve fucked you probably 90 times in 21 days. I didn’t make fun of you when you kept crying every time I went deep and you had a pain in your side because you’re too shallow."

She’s small, so to her I’m like a king cobra between the thighs. She was having some pain and then she laughs at me?

So she shut up real fast and apologized. She didn’t mean to get me irritated or embarrassed, but I knocked her down a few notches with my comment too.

Women are human just like Jay, me, and you. They have their fears and their weaknesses. Even the most beautiful and well endowed people have their weaknesses that they try to hide. If you’re afraid of pleasing a woman sexually, she’s afraid of you not finding her attractive enough, or that you’ll cheat on her and find someone better looking.

Seriously, we all have our cross to bare. You with the bottle, me with Lyme Disease. We’re both in recovery, Jay just started. This thread was his "first step."

Call it sad but if it was so easy to "see" things I wouldn’t be where I am in the first place. I don’t know why I am the way I am or why things are the way they are, all I know is I feel like there’s no getting over it no matter what I try. I’m not ignoring everything you say to me, I do appreciate every word, but like I said I can’t say I agree with your analysis that its something "much deeper" – I will not orgasm the first couple of times having sex with a new girl because its so mentally overpowering. Not because I have self image issues of something else, or that I don’t feel worth enough, but because of what I’m ramming into my partner I feel inadequate about and all I can do is wonder what she’s thinking about it. Outside of the bedroom there’s no other issues. I never get that overwhelming feeling of not being what she wants that I do at that time (unless I’m thinking about that) – so for you to say it has absolutely nothing to do with my penis is, in my opinion, wrong. I feel like it has everything to do with it.

You said you were smaller than me and you’re bottoming out in your girl? You liar
You know what I heard not too long about? My ex fiance, who I left, was telling her friends that I was weak between the sheets, that I came too fast, that I had a small dick etc.

My ex stole money from me. This was 4 years ago. She stole money, and when I found out I asked her to leave and I ended it. We were together 6 years.

I’ve been weak between the sheets thousands of times, but I was also dying from an illness during those 6 years we were together.

Do you have any idea how pathetic it is for someone to say things like that about someone who was in my condition just because she was angry?

Another example really. I didn’t take it personally. The truth is the truth. I’m not always going to be he-man between the sheets, and I’m not perfect, and I’m not unbreakable or infinite or permanent. I’m a limited human being, and whoever wants to be in my life has to accept me for who I am. Small dick, big dick, impotent, fat, shot, tall, ugly, or not.

Anyone of us could be mained horribly in an accident tomorrow and lose our genitals, our face, our bodies, limbs etc — you have to accept who you are, as you are, because you’re never going to be "perfect."

I told you she was small. My girlfriend is tiny man, I’m telling you. A pinky finger is too much for her half the time. That’s what you do, you go with a tiny chick, a sexy cute 105lber and you make her your slut slave.

Thats where I get confused, my last girl was small as well, but I never bottomed out in her.

So tell her how you feel. If you’re willing to have sex with her, you ought to be willing to tell the truth. Never have sex with someone you don’t trust and respect. I give advice in this forum all the time, and people continually ignore that advice. You "never, never, never" have sex unless you trust the person, or you will pay for it in drama, headaches, or worse, and STD.

Sex is sex, but for those of us with troublesome pasts and relationships in which we’ve suffered, it’s important to not jump in and out of bed with people. We need to take relationships more seriously, choose wisely, and commit to being 100% honest.

If someone treats you disrespectfully, you dump them and tell them to go fuck themselves. Actually, that works pretty well! In-fact that’s an awesome insult. You could say "If you have a problem with the size of my cock then you can go ahead and fuck yourself!" — literally.

I agree with Cootie man. This isn’t about your physical penis size. It "is" about your penis, but not in the way you think it is. It’s about your perception of what others think about your penis, that you’ll be embarrassed, shamed, or told by a partner that you’re unloveable or unworthy of respect because of your sexual capacity to please your partner. You’re afraid you’ll be abandoned, cheated on, hurt, or otherwise embarrassed because of what you think you don’t have to offer.

We’ve offered you so many incredibly awesome ideas to entirely destroy the myth of your inability to please a woman.

I’ve told you about positions, supplements, which type of women to choose based on character, as well as physical stature, and I’ve told you about the psychology behind your thought process, and I’ve supported you as you are, not based on the size of your penis.

I’ve given you all the information you need to entirely side-step the issue of physically being impeded by what you consider a small penis.

Yet, this isn’t good enough for you. You could be with a woman like my girlfriend (You better not, or I’ll cut off that so called small winky of yours) and bottom out and you’d still suffer the wrath of your own fear.

It’s not about the physical size, that’s been proven here.

What I do is I put two pillows under her butt and I prop her up so that poon is at a perfect 45 degree angle. Then I hop on and just get a running start and dive in.

Trust me, use different positions and techniques and you’ll be a ninja between the sheets.

Girls love that I’m creative between the sheets too. They’re always saying "You really know what you’re doing!."

Of course I know what I’m doing I tell them, please a woman is a science to me. I’ll get out my calculator and start fuckin with calculus to get them off, cosign, geometry, it doesn’t matter. I’ll hang from the ceiling to make her wimper in delight.

If you can sit and watch porn and tell yourself how small you are, then you can read all the sex books, watch all the videos and start focusing on what you "can" do instead of all the things you say you can’t.

Be glad you didn’t, women don’t like it. 99% will yelp and get upset, or it’ll ruin the mood. If you can’t feel good about yourself without hurting the person you’re intimate with then you need to seriously reevaluate your motives.

Sex isn’t supposed to hurt.

I didnt mean I want to hurt them and ignore them… a lot of women enjoy it, and I wonder if some prefer it. I feel like since I can’t do it that I’m not able to go deep enough for them or that it isnt the type of sex they want.

That’s absolutely true….my sad comment wasn’t meant to be condescending to Jay. I apologize Jay if it was.

Well it was impossible for me to see until I started seeking help. Then when people would say things to me that seemed true and when I knew they didn’t have any ulterior motives other than helping me, I listened. I took in what they said and tried to see if it "fit". I would think and analyze what they were saying and see if it really was applicable.

There were times when I was convinced they were full of shit….and they were. Most times tho, they were right on the money.

the reason I keep suggesting professional help is because the process of seeing and understanding this stuff is complex and difficult. One simply cannot decided to quit lying to themselves. One often cannot see things that are very obvious to those that are not emotionally invested.

Reread what I said earlier in the thread. What was necessary was openmindedness, willingness and honesty.

Right and it seems like everytime we explain something you match it up against this decision you made at 12, and your ex’s comments, and then conclude, nope….their advice doesn’t match this other stuff so it can’t be true.

A lot of women? You must know a lot more women then me, because I’ve never met one who did like it. I’ve used the toys on them and when I bottomed out by accident every single one got upset, angry, or yelped and told me "Easy, easy, please that hurt."

Some perhaps, …….like sadomasochists perhaps, but few to none truly enjoy it. I "have" heard girls "say" they like it, but when it actually happened in bed with me their tune changed. Girls try to impress people just like guys do. Truth is, they DON’T like it, I guaran-fuckin-tee it. One girl out of 500 might actually like it, and even then she’s probably fucked up in the head.

Like I said, you need to find a partner you’re physically compatible with. You can’t go off dating women who are 6’9 beheaths with thundercunts between their thights and then get upset when they tell you you’re tossing a hotdog down a hallway.

You have to understand that. You must pick women you’re compatible with. I was with a girl awhile ago, she was about my height, she was pretty hot, but she was too big for me — or, perhaps I was too small for her.

I didn’t go "Oh god, I wasn’t able to please her, what a horrible thing." — I just said "We’re not compatible."

I told her I still enjoyed sex with her, which I did, I was with "her" — which was cool, and she agreed. We weren’t compatible though, and it turned out emotionally we weren’t either in a ton of ways.

It was "ok" though, it didn’t mean she was a loose whore or that I was a small dicked loser.

Jay this is the thing that is so obvious to me…..you don’t accept yourself, limitations and all. This is what I find sad, not in a "you’re pathetic" sense of the word but in a "I’m sorry you don’t realize you’re human" sense of the word.

We all, every single one of us, have imperfections. Trust me when I tell you, they only grow in number as we age.

These imperfections don’t make you worthless. It’s almost as if you aren’t 100% perfect in everyway, then you are, by default, the absolute WORST and you simply have no value.

Now come on….neither of those extremes are true, for anyone. Most people are somewhere in between those 2 extremes but you know…that’s not "sexy" or that idea doesn’t help sell magazines or prono movies. So advertisers emphasize the extremes then tailor their messages to make you think, "If I buy their products, then I’ll be more perfect"…the better solution…..stop listening to those voices.
Oh and by the way, that girl that was "too big" for me, had multiple orgasms that night. A tongue combined with sonicare like mach 1 movement to the clit takes care of everything when all is said and done.

She gave me head and finished me off too. It was good, it was fine — but it doesn’t change the fact we weren’t compatible.

Out of curiosity I made a thread in FS, and of those females that replied it was about 50/50, maybe even leaning towards 60/40, of females that liked it.

As far as partners go I’ve always had shorter girls, and maybe its the fact that they are small and I still have room to spare is whats frustrating

He’s a good guy with a big problem who thinks it’s actually a "small" problem. Irony, really.

And the worst part in all this is it’s not even his penis which is "imperfect." Because the size of his wang is relative to who he’s tossing it into!

No shit, I swear to God it’s like Schizophrenia in a bottle. These companies put these voices in your head and make you think you "need" them to be complete. It’s bullshit and it’s made an awful lot of people sick — making them believe they’re too fat, too thin, too small chested, to small dicked, to ugly, too tall, too short, blah blah. It’s stupid.

Afterall at the end of the day, you have a penis and she doesn’t. No matter how small it is, it’s more of a penis than she has…..and you know what, that was enough to drive on of my exs absolutely fucking crazy!! She had such penis envy it wasn’t even funny….and she was really feminine.

Yep…this is why I said you’re more patient than I am.

In AA we come to realize that some people simply don’t want help. They’d rather make noises and complain and continue right on drinking. There are times when we have to tell someone, "you know, I don’t think I can help you."

This doesn’t happen often nor does it happen quickly but you know, there’s good reasons for doing so when someone simply won’t listen or won’t apply the suggestions or otherwise gets into logically circular arguments to keep them from changing. These arguments go like this, I say A, they say B so then I counter with C and they counter with D, then I say yeah but E and they say, yah but F which then makes me come back around to A and the circular arguments start all over again.

I’ve learned that when that starts happening, it’s better to move on and find someone that really does want help. Not someone that simply wants to stay put and bitch and moan.

For what its worth, I’m not trying to be stubborn and arrogant. This is something that has bothered me for so long that I’m not just going to be able to say "Oh okay, I get it now…"

They’re lying. Ask the guys how big their dicks are and watch the majority tell you it’s around 7, with some guys even saying 9-12. Everyone wants you to think they’re the biggest, deepest, etc.

They aren’t.

Be glad, you don’t want to hurt them. Stick with the small girls (Pedophilia doesn’t count), and stick with people you trust and respect. Be honest about your fear with these girls you choose, and understand that you’re "ok" as you are. Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter. It’s the truth. Because you are who you are. You "are" right for someone.

Exactly, I understand that. It’s a process. It’ll take time.

I’ve never heard that phrase but it’s so true.

Yep and these advertisers know that this is easy to do. It’s easy to condition people and make them believe what you want them to believe. Hell you ask most people and they will say, "NO IT ISN"T!"

But ask most people how do they spell relief….if they’re older they’ll respond R-O-L-A-I-D-S. There are any number of other catch phrases that demonstrate how gullible we all are…..and yes, unfortunately I am too.

This is why I listen to those people that are trying to help me and have no vested interests in whether I change or not.

Its not that I want to thurt them, I just want to know I’m … "enough" for them. I wouldn’t keep doing if it it hurt them (if I could even do it to begin with) – but knowing that you can fill them up and back off if they want instead of wondering if she wishes you could go deeper.

Sometimes I think its just a sick sexual fetish that I have thats the cause for this whole thing

I realize that…but perhaps you can realize that it is frustrating for us sometimes. This is one of the main reasons why I suggested professional help….because you can "work" with the professionals exploring all the twists and turns of logic that your mind will bring up. This exploration process can be extremely enlightening….I’ve learned a lot by doing this with my shrink….even if it seemed to him I didn’t accept his advice. He could tell I was working through it…..and yes, I can tell you are working through it also.

I wasn’t saying I was ending my posting in this thread. My patience, or lack there of, is one of my issues and sometimes I’m better about living with these issues than others.

I remember this one girl I was with always used to ask me what it was like having a dick. She’d always ask me to explain what I felt right iin the middle of sex — how does it feel, where do you feel is, it’s weird how it’s "away" from your body, but you feel it! All kinds of funny stuff.

This really has nothing to do with the topic, but it sort of does.

They often need to complain before they can hit rock bottom (No pun intended) so they can make their recovery. All you can do is put the information out there to the best of your ability, and hope they remember it when the time comes that they’re ready and able to receive it.

You’re right. That is what’s happening in this discussion, but there is a slight difference. If you see the very beginning of this thread, his tone has changed. It’s blunted. He still thinks the problem can’t be solved, but it’s not absolute like it originally was.

There is a "possibility" that he might be able to overcome this.

Nothing wrong with that. There was a thread awhile back where I was talking with a young man trapped in a relationship that was abusive. It inevitably nose dived and the discussion seemed to have gone nowhere. But he’ll remember what I said. It’s hard not to remember what I say, and I’m sure you’ll be remembered here in this discussion.

Then ask them. Say "Listen, don’t bullshit me here, and if you do and I find out you lied, I’ll dump you. Is my penis big enough to satisfy you sexually? Are you happy with my body as it is?"

If she says no, tell her "I’m going to have to let you go." If she says yes, accept it. Because she’ll have no motivation to lie to you if you’re abundantly honest and blunt in your question.

Some would say this is stupid, but I’ve done it plenty of times with seemingly silly things. I’m sick with Lyme Disease, I can’t always satisfy my partner, hell I’m not even emotionally or mentally sane sometimes because it affects my mind! I don’t work, therefore I make zero money — how can I satisfy someone and make them feel secure enough to have a family or anything like that? — I don’t worry about it. I’ll cross these bridges when I get to them, and when I do get to them I’ll be dead honest and say what I think.

You don’t find the idea even slightly disturbing do you? You’re saying "I just want to bottom out once, just once, even if it hurts them, so I can feel ok about myself."

Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is?

Ask her if it’s deep enough, or if she wants it a different way. Ask, ask, ask. Ask questions, that’s how you become a fantastic lover. Tell her "I want to please you, tell me what you like. I’ll try different things, and you let me know if I hit gold, if you want more, or if you want something different!."

Yeah, it is. It’s something that you need to think about, because if hurting someone to prove a point is what you’re looking for, then this has nothing to do with pleasing a woman.

Either you want to please them, or hurt them. You can’t have both in a case like this.

Well it was to help him realize that perhaps he shouldn’t be listening to his ex about his worth. It’s likely that she has other issues of her own…one might very well be penis envy.

You just couldn’t resist the hitting bottom reference huh?

Honestly, I would rather him remember the advice than who gave it. Afterall, while I might be the person typing these words, I’m simply the vessel that carries them to the recipient. Others before carried similar type ideas and words to me and they helped me more than anyone knows. I’m simply paying it forward.

Good point about his change in tone and I agree. That in and of itself is progress.

Yep and now I get to go spend time with a wonderful lady….my mom!
TTY dudes later.

No, I do not want to hurt them. It does not hurt every girl to get bottomed out… it has nothing to do with causing them pain. Why do girls say size matters and most generally prefer a bigger dick? Because it doesnt hurt them…. and yeah some of might just be "talk" – but most girls probably prefer a guy on the bigger end of spectrum.

Ok, so I ask her if its deep enough. And if she says no, then what? Can’t do much there…
And as far as asking if I satisfy them, If I’m big enough, I think 90% of girls would lie if I wasnt, to be nice. Not saying theyre all liars, but thats a tough spot to hurt someones feelings like that.

You assure me you’re in the same boat, etc, but even you can bottom out in your girl, I feel like I’m the only person that can’t

Like I said, its not that I want to hurt them, but the fact that I don’t go all the way leaves me feeling like its not enough, they want more, and they’re "dealing" with my size rather than enjoying it.

I’ve been fucked up by this in the past, when I was a teenager. I used to bodybuild constantly, every single day. The girls at school always compared guys bodies etc. It was a race I could never win because I was sick. I didn’t know I had Lyme back then, but I always fell short and felt awful about myself.

Today, even if I didn’t have Lyme I never would have tried to perfect my body based on what the girls were saying, I’d do it because "I" wanted to, because I wanted to be in shape and healthy!

I don’t know about you, but I’m a stubborn prick when people try to help me.

Let me give you a really funny example. I’m flying to Italy a week from this Tuesday. I am "terrified" of flying. I mean panic attacks and all. I’ve talked about it a thousand times to close friends and family. Everyone has repeated the same thing over and over and yet I still continue to persist and telling them over and over how anxious I am, that I’m afraid the plane will crash!

My mother was talking to me today about it and the convo went like this.

Me: I am absolutely terrified and anxious. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help it.
Her: You’ll do fine.
Me: Yeah, but fuck that, that’s what some asshole sitting in the seat next to some other asshole who was whining about the same thing right before their plane went down.
Her: OMG I can’t believe you said that! Why would you say such a thing?
Me: Because, I’ll be flying at 500 + mph through the air in an aluminum tin can over a body of water 2 miles deep filled with sharks and wales, the same ocean that you see in the Titanic at the end as those people drown!
Her: That’s awful!
Me: No shit!
Her: You’re at a higher risk of dying in a car accident.
Me: At least I can pull the car over if there is mechanical failure!
Her: You’ll be fine.
Me: You’re probably right, the probability is in my favor.
Her: You know that fear is the absence of faith, right?
Me: No shit, I don’t have faith! That shit "can" really go down, it’s not like I’m making it up! It likely won’t, but you’d feel like a real smuck if it did after telling me "have faith and all this shit."
Her: OMG I can’t believe you said this now too!
Me: Well………I’m scared shitless!

You’re right it doesn’t hurt "every" girl, but we can either talk about absolutes, or talk about reality. The reality is most don’t like it. When you’ve been with these women between the sheets and have more experience than two girls then you can tell me what most girls like. How about that chief?

Because size does matter, but it’s always relative. What is small to one girl is huge to another. Like I said, if you want to choose a girl you’re incompatible with, that’s your business. I’m telling you to choose someone who will fit your body and your mental and emotional needs.

You’ve been with two girls, you don’t know what most girls prefer.

You’re dealing with your size rather than enjoying it. What I would recommend to you is to do some research on the internet about the condition you’re facing. Sexual inadequacies are common. Many men report the same feelings you’re having, and sex therapists have studied this for quite a long time. People often find answers to these fears and concerns.

I would recommend you read, and setup and appointment with a counselor once per week to get into this. You’re not unique, you’re not special, you’re not alone.

I will do some research on it.

As far as choosing to be with someone I’m incompatible with, thats exactly what I’m getting at in the sense that this girl was tiny, too. You joke you are the same size as me yet you dont have this problem with a girl whos tiny, so I get the feeling that there ISNT someone compatible for me

You may feel that way, but that makes no sense, obviously. Everyone is different so the girl I’ve been with isn’t the girl you’ve been with. Obviously mine is smaller. Same size? You’re being too kind.
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What research tells us about average penis size

Determining the average penis size for a group of males, let alone for men around the world, is more complicated than you might imagine. Unfortunately most information about average penis size comes from popular culture and not science. Let’s start by considering some figures from science.

The results from three studies of penis size where the measurements were taken in a laboratory setting give the following ranges:

• Average penis length (flaccid/not erect): from 3.4 inches to 3.7 inches (8.6 cm to 9.3 cm)
• Average penis length (erect): from 5.1 inches to 5.7 inches (12.9 cm to 14.5 cm)
• Average penis girth (circumference when erect): from 3.5 inches to 3.9 inches (8.8 cm to 10 cm)

These numbers are obviously very different from the sizes we hear (and see) in adult movies, and even the kinds of numbers you read on line.

Why such a difference? Many, possibly most, statistics you read are not from legitimate research, but from marketing companies who want you to feel bad about your penis size (so you’ll buy their product).

Important facts about reports of average penis size

• There is much greater variation in size of flaccid (non-erect) penises than of penises when they are erect. A soft penis that looks large may be roughly the same size when erect as a soft penis that looks smaller.
• Because most men see other penises when they are not erect it can appear as if there is a big difference, and men may be likely to assume their erect penis is much smaller when compared to others.
• Male porn stars are often chosen specifically because they have larger than average penises. Also, there are a variety of techniques used to make penises look bigger on camera. Lighting, camera angle, and even shaving of pubic hair can all make things look bigger on camera.

Problems with research on average penis size

Determining what the average penis size is seems like it shouldn’t be that complicated. It’s a physical body part, you measure it, and repeat hundreds of thousands of times around the world, then take an average. Unfortunately, arriving at an accurate idea of what is an average penis size, is more complicated. Some of the problems with figuring out average penis size include:

• Is penis size considered to be the length, the girth, or both?
• When measuring penis length, where do you start?
• Is penis girth measured at the base of the penis, at the glans (head), or around the shaft?
• Are the people measured in these studies representative of the general population?
• Do all studies include measurements taken by others, or self-reported measurements (which are historically bigger than measurements reported by others)?

Different studies answer these questions differently, which makes arriving at a single average penis size almost impossible. Also, many researchers believe that those who are willing to participate in a study about penis size may have larger than average penises, which would also skew the results.

References:

1. H. Wessells, T. Lue, & J. McAninch. Penile Length in the Flaccid and Erect States: Guidelines for Penile Augmentation The Journal of Urology. Vol: 156, Issue: 3, September, 1996.
2. A. Smith D. Jolley, J. Hocking et al. Does penis size influence condom slippage and breakage? International Journal of STD AIDS 9: 444–447, 1998.
3. P. Bondil, P. Costa JP. Daures, et al. Clinical study of the longitudinal deformation of the flaccid penis and of its variations with aging. European Urology 21: 284–286, 1992.
4. C. da Ros C. Telo¨ken, P. Sogari , et al. Caucasian penis: what is the normal size? Journal of Urology 151: 323A, 1994.
5. A. Kinsey, W. Pomeroy, & C. Martin. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia, WB Saunders, 1948.
6. J. Richters, J. Gerofi, & B. Donovan. Are condoms the right size(s): a method for self measurement of the erect penis. Venereology 8: 77–81, 1995.
7. T. Schneider, H. Sperling, G. Lummen, et. al. Does penile size in younger men cause problems in condom use? a prospective measurement of penile dimensions in 111 young and 32 older men. Urology 2001 pp. 314-318.
8. Z. Awwad, M. Abu-Hijleh, S Basri, et. al. Penile measurements in normal adult Jordanians and in patients with erectile dysfunction International Journal of Impotence Research 17, 191−195, 2005.

Link Reference:
About.com Health’s Disease and Condition content is reviewed by

Research on the importance of penis size for men and women

Is bigger always better? When most people hear that question they either immediately or eventually think about penis size, and the more direct question that many men and women want to know, does penis size matter?
The reality is that sometimes penis size matters, and sometimes it doesn’t. There are those of us who have unique personal tastes (affectionately known as size queens), but others prefer variety. Some folks might be happy driving a Tercel one day and an SUV the next. Another key piece of information when talking about how much penis size matters, is making sure we know we agree on what is an

Rather than rely on old sayings, fashion magazines, and the hundreds of emails in your inbox every day, let’s look at what research tells us about whether penis size matters?

Does penis size matter to women?

A survey of 556 women between the ages of 19-49 asked participants whether penis length and girth matter.

The findings included:

• 18% said penis length was very important, 22% said penis girth was very important
• 57% said penis length was somewhat important, 53% said penis girth was somewhat important
• 25% said penis length was unimportant, 25% said penis girth was unimportant

A major flaw of this study was that it did not specify an optimal size. So women who felt penis girth mattered may have different ideas of what the ideal penis girth is. The assumption might be bigger is better, but this isn’t confirmed by this study.

Another ingenious study, done by Canadians, had women read erotic passages and rate them on the steaminess of the passage. The only thing they altered was the size of the penis. While some respondents did score the larger penises to be hotter, the differences were not statistically significant. Indicating that in a fantasy realm at least, bigger may not necessarily mean more arousing and penis size may not matter as much as other things.
While there have been other surveys that have asked women about the importance of penis length and girth, and most report that where this is a preference, girth is reported as more important then length, there doesn’t seem to be any academic research that actually addresses what size is preferable. If there were such research we could expect, of course, there to be great variability in size preferences.

Does penis size matter to men?

There is no question that men have a preoccupation with penis size. Most men seem to think penis size matters, and many worry about the size of their penis at some point in their lives. There have been several studies that have confirmed that men’s perception of penis size is skewed:

• An Internet-based survey of 52,031 heterosexual men and women found that while 85% of women were satisfied with their partners’ penis size, but only 55% of the men were satisfied with their penis size.
• Several studies that have asked men to evaluate the size of their penis, compare it to “normal” and then have actually measured their penis size, have shown that most men underestimate the size of their penis, and overestimate what is
• Studies have also shown that men tend to compare penises in a way that is likely to end up with negative evaluation (e.g. they compare flaccid penis to an erect penis).
• One study of men who were seeking penile enlargement surgery found that most of the men had penises that were in the average size range, despite their belief that they had unusually small penises.

It seems from what research we have, that men think penis size matters more than women. Which begs the question, Why do guys worry and talk about penis size so much?

One answer is that we’re still stuck in this penis-centered idea of sex, where great sex comes solely from a man doing unbelievable things with his penis.

Let’s remember first, that lots of people are having great sex with no penis involved at all! And beyond that, most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all, so most orgasms are not being produced from a penis of any size. I think we still focus on penis size, because we still think that a dick is the measure of a man. And this is the worst misconception of all.

Sources:

1. Stulhofer, A. “How (Un)Important Is Penis Size for Women with Heterosexual Experience?” Archives of Sexual Behavior Volume 35, No. 1, (2006).
2. Lee, P. “Survey Report: Concept of Penis Size” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy Volume 22, No. 2 (1996):
3. Mondaini, N., Ponchietti, R., Gontero, P. et. al. “Penile Length is Normal in Most Men Seeking Penile Lengthening Procedures” International Journal of Impotence Research Volume 14, No. 4 (2002):
4. Wylie, K.R. and Eardley, I. “Penis Size and the ‘Small Penis Syndrome’” BJU International Volume 99, No. 6 (2007):1449-1455.

Reference Link:

About.com Health’s Disease and Condition content is reviewed by

Definition:

The term small penis syndrome has been proposed to describe men who have excessive anxiety about the size of their penis and who have a clinically average sized penis. Individuals who have been diagnosed with a would not be considered to have small penis syndrome.

The researchers who first coined small penis syndrome suggest that it could be part of obsessive thinking, , or a larger .

They propose that psychological or counseling treatment should be the first course of action, with medications and surgery offering a less attractive option given the fact that there is nothing anatomically or clinically wrong with the penis.

Source: Wylie, K.R. and Eardley, I. “Penis Size and the ‘Small Penis Syndrome’” BJU International Volume 99, No. 6 (2007):1449-1455.

Also Known As: Penile Dysmorphophobia
45% of men unsatisfied with penis size

Matt Weaver and agencies
Thursday May 31, 2007
guardian.co.uk

Research led by Dr Kevan Wylie, from the Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield, found that excessive concerns about penis size are significantly more common among men with average-size penises than small ones.

The research bought together 50 studies conducted since 1942, which between them have measured 11,531 penises.

For the purposes of the study a small one is judged to be 7cm or 2.7 inches.

Dr Wylie’s research detailed the symptoms of "small penis syndrome". In extreme cases it can involve "obsessive checking rituals". Milder concerns are described as part of the "normal experience of many men."

The research, published in BJU International, the journal of the British Association of Urological Surgeons, also found differences between what women and men think. While 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s size, only 55% of men felt it was big enough.

According to two studies reviewed, 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one, while other studies found that penis size was less important than grooming and personality on a woman’s list of desirable attributes.

In one study, 63% of men who thought theirs was small blamed childhood comparisons with friends, while 37% blamed viewing erotic images as teenagers.

The results of surgery to extend the length of the penis are also lacking, the authors said.

Dr Wylie said: "It is very common for men to worry about the size of their penis and it is important that these concerns aren’t dismissed as this can heighten concerns and anxieties.

The authors said doctors should consider a range of treatments for men suffering from small penis syndrome.

"Conservative approaches to therapy, based on education and self-awareness, as well as short-term structured psychotherapies, are often successful.

"There is poorly-documented evidence to support the use of penile extenders, and while information is starting to emerge on the success of some surgical techniques, this is not backed up by data on patients’ satisfaction with such procedures."

(1) The Gaurdian News UK: Reference Link:

WebMD says this:

Small-Penis Syndrome Common

Paltry-Penis Perception Plagues Many Normal Men By

WebMD Medical News Reviewed by

June 1, 2007 – Eighty-five percent of women are pleased with their partner’s penis proportions — yet many normal men suffer "small-penis syndrome," urologists report.

Small-penis syndrome is the anxiety of thinking one’s penis is too small — even though it isn’t. It’s a totally different condition from having a truly tiny tinkler, a condition known by the cold, clinical name of micropenis.

Urologists Kevan R. Wylie of Royal Hallemshire Hospital and Ian Eardley of St. James Hospital in Leeds, England, review the literature on penis size in the June issue of the urology journal BJU International. They urge doctors not to laugh away these very real worries over an imaginary defect.

"It is very common for men to worry about the size of their penis," Wylie says in a news release. "It is important that these concerns aren’t dismissed as this can heighten concerns and anxieties."

Wylie and Eardley note that studies of penis size are remarkably consistent. The average erect penis is about 5.5 to 6.2 inches long and 4.7 to 5.1 inches in circumference at midshaft.

A truly diminutive dangler — a micropenis — is less than 2.75 inches long when erect, Wylie and Eardley calculate. Few men suffer this condition. Yet 45% of men want a bigger penis, the researchers find. No wonder the Internet is rife with offers of "miraculous" penis-lengthening schemes.

There is slight evidence that some of them, such as the Phallosan extender system and the Penistretcher device, may result in slightly lengthening the stretched length of a flaccid penis. But Wylie and Eardley note that there is far too little peer-reviewed research to know whether these devices — or others like them — offer any real benefit.

Similarly, the researchers note that plastic surgeons have been touting their ability to make a man’s flaccid or erect penis larger. Again, they note, these techniques are unproven except for cases of true deformity. And they warn that serious complications may ensue.

Wylie and Eardley recommend that urologists take men’s concerns seriously. If education and counseling doesn’t do the trick, they advise psychotherapy for men whose obsession over penis size is interfering with their lives.

SOURCES: Wylie, K.R. and Eardley, I. BJU International, June 2007; vol 99: pp. 1449-1455. News release, BJU International.

© 2007 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved.
Penis size and female genital response

According to some sex researchers and therapists, several misconceptions have developed surrounding penile-vaginal intercourse. Many men exaggerate the importance of deep vaginal penetration in stimulating a woman to orgasm.

The most sensitive area of the female genitals includes the , , and the section of closest to the outside of a woman’s body, which is roughly 10 centimeters (4 in) in length. Research has found that portions of the clitoris extend into the vulva and vagina .

Given that the average penis size is above this length, the majority of penises are of sufficient length to satisfy their partners.

According to Dr. Pezzi, the vulva, clitoris, and g-spot can be thought of as the South Pole of Pleasure; and the Cervix, Fornix, and Cul-de-sac as the North Pole of Pleasure. The vast majority of women are said to prefer the South Pole (outmost), contrary to those claiming the deeper area is the ultimate pleasure spot. For women with or an infection of her cervix or tubes, deep thrusting can be quite painful.

While many women find penile stimulation of the cervix to be uncomfortable or painful, others report it to be the key to orgasm. The cervix may be confused with the anterior or posterior , the deepest point of the vagina, above and below the cervix, respectively. The cervix and fornix are within close proximity of each other, making it possible for there to be indirect and/or simultaneous stimulation between them.

The fornix is said to be another possible orgasm trigger area. Tests have shown that pressure on this area causes the vagina to lubricate very quickly. The area of sexual response in the anterior fornix has also been called the epicentre, T-Spot, AFE-Zone, AFE or A-Spot; while in the posterior fornix it has been called epicenter (as well) or (since the cul-de-sac, also known as the , may be indirectly stimulated by pressure on the posterior fornix ).

During arousal, the vagina lengthens rapidly to an average of about 4 in.(8.5 cm), but can continue to lengthen in response to pressure. As the woman becomes fully aroused, the vagina tents (last ²⁄₃ expands in length and width) while the cervix retracts,. The walls of the vagina are composed of soft elastic folds of mucous membrane skin which stretch or contract (with support from pelvic muscles) to the size of the penis. This means (with proper arousal) the vagina stretches/contracts to accommodate virtually any size penis, from small to large.

Reference Source:
To sum it all up, you need counseling. Your penis is sufficient to satisfy the vast majority of women, science says so, and you suffer from small penis syndrome which is a very common psychological condition that many men have.

ignore what he’s saying about the girl being short/small, it has NOTHING to do with it (the rest of his advice is good though). Her height has as much to do with the size of her vagina as your height has to do with the size of your penis. Some small girls will have small vaginas and some will have big vaginas. There is no way to detemine if you will be physically compatible without actually having sex.

it’s freakyshiat!! Half the girls there also like to be beaten until they are bruised so of course they would like to be bottomed out till it hurts. Women who aren’t into pain don’t want to be rammed so hard that it hurts.

And now we see what the real issue here is. You have no respect for women and think we’re all just a bunch of stupid whores who will sleep with anyone just because he has a big dick. THAT’S the reason you want to be able to bottom out a girl. You want to make her feel pain because deep down you think she’s just a whore and deserves to suffer for it. It’s not that you are ”freaky” or have some fetish, you just don’t really respect her. I’m not sure why I’m even wasting my time responding since you’ll just see that I’m a chick and discount everything I say based on your feelings towards women.

So you are saying that being "bottomed out" is painful?
Oh, and I have an "assignment" for the threadstarter.

Get something and measure it. Maybe cut a piece of rope or something, get a ruler and measure it. Then take it out and "interview" as many random girls as you can and ask them to just estimate how long it is. Tell them you are doing a project for school or something.

Write down what they tell you and report the results.

My point is that women are shitty estimators of length. When a woman says she want’s 8 or 9 inches, it probably means more like 6 or 7 inches. lol Try it and see for yourself. Perhaps that’ll alleviate some of your insecurity to know that these girls are probably way overestimating the size and that you are in the ball park of someone who could please most girls if you had the skill behind it.

It’s easy to throw your hands in the air and quit because you feel inadequate. It’s hard to take your inadequacies and rise above them and become a great lover through skill and repitition.

Some whore bruised your ego? Boo hoo. You can sit and bitch and complain about it, or you can go do something about it.

I know that’s harsh, but man, all I’ve seen in this thread is rationalizations about why you are inadequate and fighting going to see a therapist because you are afraid he’s going to bruise your fragile ego even more. No, he’s going to HELP you, that’s what he’s paid to do. But you have to DO something. You can’t sit back squarely on your ass and expect anything to change.

if you don’t take SOME sort of action, you’ll feel like this forever.

of course it’s painful

and Jay if you want to bottom out so bad then just fuck the girl with hardly any foreplay so she’s not very turned on. The vagina expands the more she gets turned on.

She does have a point here. There is no scientific correlation between size of the female genitals and length of the canal. It does infact lengthen and accommodate "most" sizes, just like I said in the links I posted.

See here:

During arousal, the vagina lengthens rapidly to an average of about 4 in.(8.5 cm), but can continue to lengthen in response to pressure. As the woman becomes fully aroused, the vagina tents (last ²⁄₃ expands in length and width) while the cervix retracts,. The walls of the vagina are composed of soft elastic folds of mucous membrane skin which stretch or contract (with support from pelvic muscles) to the size of the penis. This means (with proper arousal) the vagina stretches/contracts to accommodate virtually any size penis, from small to large.

It’s only been my personal experience that smaller girls in height and weight tended to be more accommodating to me personally. So that obviously isn’t a fact, just an opinion.

She’s also correct you would have to have sex with them to confirm whether you’re compatible, which I discussed in the articles I posted. This is what I meant by picking "smaller" girls. Even if you aren’t compatible, you simply move on because of that fact and find one you fit.

Yup, but that sure wouldn’t be very romantic or nice.

Not at all! I just feel like I’m not enough because I don’t bottom out and I can pound away balls deep all day and feel like I’m not doing anything for the girl. I don’t want to make them feel pain, but it’d be nice to know that I had the ability to go as deep as they’d prefer. If you bottom out, theres no point in having a bigger dick, wheres it gonna go? If you don’t, I feel like they want more. It has ABSOLUTLY NOTHING to do with me wanting a woman to suffer. The 2 girls I’ve slept with have asked me if I could bttom out, hence why I think women prefer it and also why it bothers me so much that I can’t.

Let me say that its not that I think you’re all a bunch of stupid whores. I just think (and for good reason) that most girls want a big dick, and thats understandable. From what several girls have told me, and guys that have been with several girls, thats the concensus. Its the fact that I dont HAVE a big dick that makes me have the issues I have. I don’t blame women for wanting a big cock. A bigger dick will touch more areas, deeper and wider, stretch them out bottom them out whatever, and thus more pleasureable. I’m not blaming women for this, simply stating that that is what they want, and I do not have it, and therefor I feel inadequate and not good enough.

I honestly don’t even care, thats not the point. I’m not saying you’re all whores, but they do all seem to want a big dick. Hence my intense anxiety and insecurity. From everything I’ve been told and that I hear, I feel like a fucking midget in an NBA game, honestly.

I don’t even know if I’d bottom out then
Ok, balls to walls, what’s the numbers here?

Put it out there.

How long is it soft? How long it is hard?

5.7 cm length, 2.7 around. Soft
10.6 cm length, 3.1 cm around. Erect

Your turn.

Engrish?

I’m 1 inch soft () and grow to almost 5 inches hard. My dick is like the incredible hulk.
I’m looking at a lot of the info you posted here though, Metallic, because I’d like to gain about an inch.

I might try some of the more natural techniques just to see if they are any count.

Soft doesn’t mean anything. Because it’s highly deceiving. Someone with a 6 inch flaccid penis might only be 6.5 erect, while someone like you grows 5 times that.

soft – never really measured Probably between 1-2 inches

Hard: Almost 5” Length and 4” girth

The flip side….the one you don’t even consider is that guys with big dicks say that it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Ask them and they may tell you about how it’s hard finding women that can take all their stuff, that constantly bottoming out hurts their woman so they don’t ever get to just go at it….they always have to think about her. They talk about having to really warm up some women before they can even get it in.

Seriously….there are issues on both sides of the argument.

I’d rather be the one with the less enjoyable sex life with the ‘problems’ hung guys have, as long as I was pleasing my partner the way she wanted to be pleased…..instead of feeling like I’m not enough or thinking shes laying there wishing I was bigger… if that makes any sense

Jeez you still can’t accept the fact that you can please a woman without being porno in size. People are telling you this over and over….yet you refuse, stubbornly, to believe them. You think there’s one and only one way to please a woman…..you have a lot to learn.

Its not that I dont want to believe you guys, but hearing otherwise first hand from so many females, how am I not supposed to think that? If I learn every trick in the book and become great in bed, how much better would it be for her if I knew every trick AND I was huge. I feel second best…

and even though these links state averages with numbers, etc., I’m not sure how reputable they really are. The percenteges of people in the bigger ranges is supposedly low yet I hear of so many guys being huge (female friends bfs, past bfs, etc) – its almost like the average is 8” or more. Some of these guys are twice my size, honestly how am I supposed to compete with that. Look at the "post your private parts" thread in FS – there are people in there that make me look like a tic tac, and all you see are female responses of how much they love it or want to fuck it. Not so much for guys closer to average posting.

Yeah, this post is probably only going to frustrate you more, but, I felt the need to explain my rational.
No what frustrates me is not your rationale. It’s the fact that you have all the sources that are oh so credible yet you discount EVERY OTHER SOURCE that contradicts your present conclusions…..conclusions that were reached when you were 12.

I don’t care that it’s difficult to switch your ideas. I don’t give a shit that you think you can’t change. I couldn’t care less that you don’t agree with what everyone has been telling you.

Why?? Because none of that matters.

The only thing that matters is that you’re wrong yet you refuse to accept that fact. Until you do, you are beyond help.

No, the only conclusion I reached when I was 12 is that I was incredibly small. So maybe I am a little closer to average. Still, the conclusions I have gathered recently within the last year is that I’m still very small compared to what females want, which coming from their mouth is more credible than random figures from a website.

Interesting. You honestly believe that women who are your exs, are more credible than we are??

Wow…you should really rethink this.

Think about it this way, what do those women have to gain by telling you these things? They get to hurt you, manipulate you, what I like to call, torque you. Why?? Because you listen to them and believe they are credible sources. However, these women gain if you believe them.

We have absolutely nothing to gain by our interaction in this thread. It won’t affect me at all whether you end up believing me or not. I don’t need your validation to know that my ideas are right.

Not only that, Metalic spent a lot of time gathering all sorts of sources from around the internet. Look just because it’s on the internet doesn’t mean it’s automatically wrong.

Do you hear yourself?? You’re not even operating on the logic of the arguments presented. You’re simply saying, "I know these people and since they said this….it’s correct. PERIOD. No more discussion. I don’t know these people over here….and they are on the internet….so they MUST be less credible."

This completely ignores not only the logic involved but also people’s motivation for providing you with these answers.

That is true. I’d say the most compelling reason that I am so convinced of what they tell me is because, well, they have a vagina and you dont. For what its worth most everything I heard from them was prior to a relationship ending, or before we even hooked up (we were friends first, we talked about everything) – hence why I couldnt orgasm the first 10 times we had sex. The only thing running through my mind was "jesus christ her ex was twice my size, the fuck am I doing for her?"

I can sit here all day and read, and there ARE times where I feel better about the subject, but there’s also times where it can come back just as strong as before… (I’d have to imagine right before sex would be a sure-fire time) So, I guess maybe what someone suggested before might help, as in to just keep having sex. Problem there is I’m just not the type of person to hook up with random people, Id rather it be in a relationship or someone I care about. Its just the way I am. The problem there is that the relationship or sex could stop for any number of reasons but I always think its because of my size.

There is always going to be something bigger and better, and even if you did make it to the top, you don’t stay there long.

I gave you scientific information from WebMD, as well as multiple references from valid credible studies. What’s going on here is that you suffer from a psychological disorder similar to those who deal with body dysmorphism, or eating disorders. Your quality of life is significantly impaired, causing anxiety, depression and apparently despair.

That’s because most people say they’re bigger than they are. Also, those with an average or smaller than average penis aren’t motivated to post pictures. People whose penis won’t instigate an incentive aren’t going to usually post them, and thus the average will be skewed. It’s like assuming the world is flat because it appears that way when looking out on the horizon.

Socially and psychologically our society favors "bigger is better" — yet it is this very behavior that causes so much suffering and unhappiness. This is no exception.

You must accept things you can not change, and appreciate the things you do have. If you judge yourself based on what the world tells you, you’ll be deceived.

Why are you competing at all? Some guys are twice as smart as I am, some are twice as tall, some are twice the size of me between their thighs, some are twice as strong, some have twice as much money in their bank accounts, have twice the bank account, have a girl who is twice as beautiful.

Why is it you must be perfect in this one specific area?

You’re focused only on what you want to see. Just because you or other "average" men aren’t the center of attention or even getting a lot of attention doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of being loved or being in a relationship where you’re appreciated for your sexual performance and sexual equipment.

You are not the smallest, nor the largest. You’re probably average looking too. You’re probably only average in intelligence, and I bet you only make average money. You probably drive your average car, have your average goals, average dreams, and likely an average future.

What’s wrong with that when you share it with your average girl?

You’re rational isn’t rational at all. It’s short sighted and entirely limited to the scope of your own subjective judgment. You believe that anything less than perfection is unacceptable, and the irony of this is, indirectly you insult all of us who don’t measure up to your ambitious ideal.

I’ve listened to you through this entire thread, and if I didn’t have the self esteem I do and the confidence I do, I’d probably kill myself listening to you. You’d make me feel bad about myself, seeing as I’m even further away from the ideal. I’m sure other men reading the thread feel the same way.

The truth is, when success is equated with excess the ambition for excess wrecks us. Just like I said earlier. You want to live and die for bigger things, all the while abandoning the great things you do have. You have to accept yourself as you are, because you can’t move forward in any particular direction until you do.

You sit around trying to figure out how anyone could actually love you or be satisfied with your body. So you don’t believe them, and embark on a campaign to make them prove it. They have to prove that they’re being honest and that they love you. Who can compete with that?

Second, if they finally come to a place where they are lucky enough to convince yo, and you do believe them– then at once you begin to worry about how long you can keep their love or keep them satisfied.

Of course you were incredibly small, you were 12. The male penis doesn’t finish growing until age 21 for some males. What could you possibly have to compare yourself against at age 12?

The average woman also thinks male models are beautiful, that chiseled features, a beautiful physique and being tall, dark, and handsome while sporting a nice sized bank account would be preferable to someone with an average appearance, average body, medium height and build and "ok/cute" looking, and an average bank account.

You can not compete with impossible expectations and fantasies.

So by this logic….if I can parade 100 women through this thread to repeat what we’ve been saying, then perhaps you’ll consider that it’s true? Hmmm….ok….well Midgetsized is one, Metalic’s g/f is another…..ok….only 98 left. fuck it…I’m too lazy…..go find them yourself.

Do you prefer blonds or brunettes? Mary Ann or Ginger? Peanut Butter or Jelly? Sports cars or pick up trucks?

What’s my point? We all have preferences. Just because one person or 100 people prefer peanut butter over jelly doesn’t mean that peanut butter is better than jelly. It simply means that 100 people prefer peanut butter over jelly. THAT"S ALL IT MEANS.

You’re exs prefer big dicks. Ok…no problem. I prefer women that are demur, poised and well put together but in private are actually more freaky than their conservative looks imply. Does that make overweight slobs bad? No, it’s simply my preference.

Find women that prefer a smaller dick. But then again….we’ve already been over this ground now haven’t we?

You don’t even realize that you are in control of your thoughts….not the other way around. You would be well served spending time learning about how to change this.

Right and you pick women that will reinforce this cycle.

Seek professional help…..hmmm….now where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, page 1.

Actually, you dismiss anyone who opposes your pre-established ideal. Women have posted in this thread and you dismissed or minimized their positions. You also dismissed what other women said in that thread you keep bringing up in "FS." A lot of women mentioned they like "average" but you just don’t want to see it.

And he’s her ex for a reason yet you had your moment to shine while he was probably off stroking it alone in the dark. You had her, in the present moment, and he didn’t and all you could think about was him? She was with you, don’t you get that?

Don’t you understand that when you’re with someone, that they’re "choosing" to be with you over 3 billion other men on the planet? That’s a lot of big dicks she’s passing up. Those women gave you the most precious thing in their lives that they’ll never be able to get back. They gave you their time, their bodies, they spent moments of their lives investing in you, that they will never get back.

You can’t be in a relationship and sincerely care about or accept someone when you don’t even trust them. These other women told you that you were fine and here you are still.

"The two girls I’ve had sex with didn’t laugh in my face or get out of the bed and go home the second she saw it as I had presumed, but I had also at somepoint in my relationship with them confronted them about my insecurity so anything they’ve ever said to me, I don’t believe, simply because I feel like they just wouldnt want to hurt my feelings."

It’s not you, it’s a thought pattern that betrays you. Your penis as it is does not encapsulate the sum of your ability to sexually satisfy a woman. You need to get into treatment with a therapist.

I think thats the golden question, and I don’t have the answer. As far as money, looks, height, whatever, none of that bothers me. If someone doesnt want to be with me because of any of those reasons then the hell with them, it doesnt bother me in the least. Maybe because I don’t feel like any of those are qualities that would determine a happy relationship? I dont know.

Sex is obviously an important part of a relationship and if you cant satisfy someone in that aspect, then yeah thats crucial to a happy relationship. And for whatever reason I feel that I cannot fullfill that role.

Damn Metallic….you’re on a roll tonight. This is spot on!

This post encapsulates so much of my issues with women. While I don’t have the penis size issue that Jay has, this part of your post really hit home with me also.

Thankfully, I’ve been aware of these issues for some time now and most days, I’m better than other days.

Thats a valid point, but on the contrary she chose to be with me not knowing how big/small I was.

After she was with me, she could have chosen to stop sleeping with me because of how big/small I am. And with my thought processes, thats what I would guess.

So we ARE about the same size.

What I find interesting is how we are both at about the same size, yet I am not insecure about my size. Sure I wish I was larger (to the tune of about one measley inch) and I won’t sit her and say that I DON’T have insecurity issues with my size…because honestly, it does hit me from time to time that I could probably be more effective at pleasing a girl if I had another inch or so hard.

But the bottom line is that I have managed to come to terms with the size of my dick. I have realized that:

1. It’s virtually unchangeable. I’m going to give some of the techniques posted by Metallic a shot (and so should you) to see if there is any validity to things like Jelqing. I honestly don’t have my hopes up, but hey, it’s wortha shot.

2. You don’t NEED a large dick to please a woman. A large dick makes it EASIER to please her. But if you learn how to work with what you have, you CAN please her with a dick your size.

3. There is ALWAYS oral sex. No, not every girl is going to prefer only oral orgasms, but there ARE women out there who will be perfectly content with them. In fact, my ENTIRE 6 year relationship (4 years of marriage, 2 of dating) with my ex-wife (of which we were sexually active probably 5 years and 8 months of that) I ONLY gave her orgams via oral sex, but she got off almost every single time and she was VERY satisfied with me sexually. *I* was the one who wasn’t satisfied sexually in that relationship.

4. A girl will typically only have a problem with it if she sense the insecurity and the tenseness within you. Perhaps these girls who balked at your size and made you feel this way, weren’t responding to your SIZE, but rather to the insecurity that you eminate BECAUSE of your size. What I mean is that you can’t believe much a girl tells you, because you don’t speak her language. A girl will tell you what she FEELS is the problem, but what she FEELS is the problem is deceived by her emotions. I won’t bullshit you: there ARE girls out there who are obsessed with size. But you know what types of girls THEY are? They are almost always pure sluts. Girls who have A LOT of different sexual partners. Girls who typically date black guys because of the stereotype.

Now, if you want to begin to overcome your insecurity, as I have, you must first admit to yourself that everything that you’ve come to believe about yourself is WRONG. You have gotten feedback from how many girls? HOw many sexual partners have you had? Even if you’ve had, say, 20 girls, what percentage of the female population that you have access to is that? 20 out of what, maybe 20,000? 30,000? There are a LOT of girls out there. And there ARE girls out there you can satisfy.

The next step is to force yourself to go against what you believe about yourself. You have to tell the truth by what you feel is "lying". You have to believe that you aren’t too small (I’m telling you man, you are NOT small) even if you DON’T believe it. You have to shift your paradigm and believe what you don’t want to believe.

Then you have to focus on what YOU want. You deserve to be sexually pleased just as much as she does! Ask yourself, how good WAS the sex with these girls who cut on you for your size? Was you REALLY satisfied? Or were you too focused on HER to remember just how much pleasure YOU got from it. Learn to ENJOY sex, and fuck society and the bullshit pressure they put on you for things beyond your control.

You can rot away in your own securities, or you can take control and fucking TAKE back what you deserve. Sex is fun. Foreplay is key. Enjoying YOURSELF is foremost. Insecurity is unacceptable. You are in a much better position than you think you are, you just don’t know it and you REFUSE to let go of this negative opinion of yourself. You are allowing other people to define you and your relationships instead of being a man and defining who YOU are and what YOU want, and learning to reject the girls who aren’t pleased by you. I promise you, that you WILL find someone who is very pleased by what you have to offer. But you won’t find her until you are happy with yourself.

Do what it takes. Do what if fucking takes. Take whatever actions you can to rid yourself of this insecurity or you are going to wake up an old, miserable man, defined not by his successes, but by the failures he allowed to keep him down.

Get the fuck up, and take back control of your life. Beyond that, I honestly don’t know what else to say to help you. You HAVE to give in and accept what MANY of us are telling you here. If you can’t do it. If you can’t accept what we say at face value. If you are so beyond yourself and mired in your own insecurities that you can’t even set aside your own foolish pride and ego, then there is ABSOLUTELY no hope for you.

You can’t continue to hold the same beliefs you’ve always held and expect different results. You’re ONLY hope is to shift the way you think about yourself and try new things and new ideas. Until you can do that, then you will ALWAYS have this problem.

Listen to what I am saying. Hear me. You and I are in the same exact boat. The same exact physical situation. You allow it to dominate you, and I have risen above it and faced it and moved on. You can have what I have in terms of security about who you are, but you have GOT to let go of your embarassment. Your ego. You’ve got to break yourself in order to put yourself back together. We can’t help you until you help yourself. Is it worth it to refuse to believe and second guess what we say away? Is it worth it to feel like this everyday because of what a few whores have told you? Listen to US. We, in this thread, OUTNUMBER those fucking bitches. And our experiences combined in sheer numbers are far greater than the limited experiences that you have allowed to define you.

Let. It. Go.

You’ll need help with a specialist to find out the answer.

You can satisfy, that’s the problem. You can, but think you can’t. And you wouldn’t believe someone even if they said you could, which is very damaging.

Find out the reason, and you’ll begin to see your quality of life improve. You really are a good guy, but you’re a good guy with a psychological problem that needs to be worked out. My life is so much worse than yours, and if someone like me can find happiness and love – while also apparently satisfying my partner, than so can you.

Unless my girlfriend is lying to me.

And once she found out, she didn’t leave after the first time. Maybe she pitied you and was afraid to hurt your feelings so she sacrificed her most precious possession — her time, and stuck around. You claimed she slept with you multiple times, 10 plus, so I’m a bit confused why it’s ok to assume she left over your penis size if she stayed that long to begin with. Most people don’t keep going back for something they don’t like.

Hopefully you see how this circular logic locks you into a position that condemns you to assume these possibilities as facts and truth.

Thanks

I guess its about time to just mentally work on it everyday…
I’ve cried maybe 3 times in the past 8 years and over I’ll just randomly get the urge to cry over this subject that it affects me so much, its just exhausting, and ruins every other aspect of life.

and thanks to everyone else too

I can understand how an issue can be so consuming that it is literally exhausting. However, the good news, there really is help available but you’ll have to seek it out….there’s no easy fix and OT is a poor substitute for therapy.

I feel you’re pain. The way you feel about your penis is how I feel about my health. I feel so utterly inadequate sometimes. I cry about it here and there. I’m sick, I can’t think clearly, I can’t sleep, I’m so fatigued that I have trouble just getting up the energy to go to the bathroom sometimes.

My illness wax and wanes, so sometimes it’s far worse, but most of the time even at best I’m only functioning around 45-50% of what is considered normal. I can’t go to school, because I can’t keep up consistently, I can’t work, because my health changes so much day to day.

I’m terrified that I’ll never be able to self-actualize. I have a lot of fears too, but I’m a human being, I’m not invincible, and I don’t expect myself to be. I’m doing my best, even though some days I feel like I’m weak and pathetic, but I have a lot of people around me who I’ve allowed into my life who remind me of the truth.

I’ve worked extremely hard to have people of good character and who love me in my life, and so when I doubt myself or am afraid, I tell them, and then I let it go and I trust them. Of course I need to be reminded constantly, but I know I can depend on them to tell me how it is.

How will I ever make a good father, or be a good lover or partner if I’m so inconsistent and so sick? How will I ever be independent? How will I ever have enough money to survive on and take care of my family?

I don’t have answers right now to these questions.

Where you go from here is completely up to you. I’m working off the assumption that you aren’t going to go get professional therapy (even though that really IS the best advice here), so if you are determined to do it yourself (it’s going to be harder this way), then you need to start DOING something about it.

Hit up the self-help section of your local bookstore and start reading some shit. Learn more about female anatomy and her "hot zones". Pick up some books on sex and read them. Stop watching "unhealthy" forms of porn (unhealty for YOU). This would include watching porn where the guys have unusually large dicks. Hell seek out porn that involve incredibly small guys (I’m willing to bet there is porn like this out there. There is porn for everything else lol).

You want to flood your mind with stuff that is going to help you acheive your goal. Do what it takes.

Kinda contradictory to 7 pages of pursuasive conversation, no? I certainly had no intentions of putting anyone else down.

Oh god yes, OT is absolutely horrible compared to an actual therapy session. I almost never talk here about the things that "really" matter to me, because the fact is no one here is suffering the way I am.

Almost no one here could possibly understand the magnitude of the health problems I have. A very select few are sick and have messaged me to talk about it, but if I were to make a thread about it, I’d receive so much cliche bullshit that I probably would feel like ending my life after reading it.

I’d feel bad for not being able to follow their cookie cutter advice! That’s why I try very hard to fully invest myself in a thread when a person is suffering. I try to tell them everything I know about whatever it is they’re facing and once I have explored the issue to the best of my ability, I give them recommendations of directions to go beyond my limits.

For example, here in this thread, Jay needs to work with a therapist, it’s absolutely crucial for his quality of
life, his mental health and his relationships.

I’m not a therapist, but I do have 20 years experience working with therapists, and I’ve spent years studying medicine and psychology as well as a lot of things. That’s 2/3rds of my life that I’ve been sick, but also been in counseling and studied. Is it any wonder that I have something to say on a wide variety of subjects regarding health, both mental and physical?

Not at all, because I’m talking about "your" version of ideal.

This will probably come off as immature, and maybe it is, but the primary reason I wouldn’t seek therapy is that I could never tell my parents why I need to see a therapist, let alone tell them I need to see one at all. And no I’m not knocking anyone who sees one or needs one, hell, I need one. But I’m 20, still going to school and living at home, and not on my own insurance, etc.

Maybe someday

You suffer from depression, tell them you figured it would be useful to see your doctor and see a therapist to find out how you can work through it. Tell them it was recommended to you. They don’t have to know what is causing the depression.

That’s not being dishonest.

I know this is off topic to the thread but you know what Metallic?

On the one hand I’m really sorry that you’re suffering however, on the other hand, I’m thankful that you have worked hard to understand yourself and others. I imagine it could have been so easy to turn inside and become very bitter about life and love and all that….but you haven’t and I’m thankful for it. You’re an blessing to this community and I for one, am glad you’re here!

Thanks man. It could be so much worse for me, now. There was a time when that cliche didn’t apply, when in-fact it couldn’t get worse aside from death, but fortunately I’m not dead.

I have my moments of torment, anger, frustration and bitterness, but it’s not the mainstay of my attitude. Lyme Disease attacks the nervous system, which of course runs the entire length of just about everywhere in your body, your joints, bones, organs, brain, eyes, everything — and I suffer psychiatric problems as a result. I have cognitive deficits, light, sound sensitivity. I get angry very quickly and often don’t know why. I’m depressed a lot, even though I do everything I’m supposed to!

I take my medication, I keep studying, I keep talking. I’ve made a commitment to do my very best to help myself because I deserve it! I did nothing wrong, yet the hand I was dealt was this. I must play this hand. I may have to bluff, I may have to take big risks, but I can perform much better than someone with a much better hand if I just focus on what I "can" change, rather than on what I can’t.

I must accept reality as it is right this moment. If I do, I can then go from there and work on other parts of my life.

You are one of the more level-headed people I have met here in the Asylum. The time and energy you have spent in helping the people here is very admirable.

But like everything else in life, we are only limited by what we allow ourselves to be limited by. Sometimes the hardest person to give advice to and FOLLOW is OURSELVES.

Your health is an obstacle. It’s a LARGE obstacle. Harder than what a LOT of people go through. You have problems with what most people take for granted. And as a result it puts a HUGE strain on you.

But I believe, and I believe this with everything that I am, that no matter WHAT each of us are faced with, we are ONLY faced with it because we can handle it. That nothing will come our way that is too hard to handle, that we can’t rise above.

One of my favorite quotes comes from, of all places, a Rocky movie:

It’s not about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can GET hit and keep moving forward. How much you can TAKE and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. If you know what you are worth, then go out and get what you are worth, but you have got to be able to take the hit! Not sitting around reasoning that we aren’t where we need to be be because of him or her. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that.

Some may call that really lame, but it’s so fucking true. That quote raised me up out of the hardest moments of my life and taught me that I am where I am because I CHOOSE to be where I am. That I define my life, and that the only thing standing between me and the life I want is what I choose to allow to hold me back.

In your case, it’s your health. And YES, that is a HUGE obstacle to any of us to overcome. But I believe taht you have it within yourself (you are a smart man) to rise above it and make the best of it. You ahve it within yourself to become everything you want to be.

No, you may never be able to work a full time job. No you may never be able to run with your kids or play with them on a playground somewhere. But happiness is not defined by those things. Happiness is a state of mind…a resiliency to the problems that life throws at us and our ability to solve those problems.

You CAN find the happiness and get out of life what you want so long as you never give up. SO long as you never allow your limitations to hold you back from your full potential.

No, you may never be able to work a 9 to 5 job, but your health MAY allow you to focus your energy into starting an internet business. Or working at YOUR pace to get a degree in something that does not allow you to NEED full health. There are people with health problems who do almost miraculous things. And it’s not because they find a way to work at the same pace as healthy people. No. It’s because they learn to do what they can with what they have.

I also promise you that there are women out there that can be VERY satisfied with you and who you are. YOu are going to have a harder time finding her, I won’t lie to you, but they are out there. Women who see beyond the facades and see you for who YOU are. You are a good egg (I can tell by your posts here). Sometimes you have to sacrifice lofty dreams and accept your limitations. But you don’t have to let those limatations define you or make you feel like less of a man. You are as much of a man and person as you choose to be. And you are capapble of being happy even with your limitations.

Don’t ever give up hope man. Don’t ever let go of hope. Keep plugging along and doing what you CAN.

See Jay, this thread isn’t even about me, and yet like you I feel anxious and like I’m facing overwhelming obstacles, but Viper is absolutely right!

We have to start where we are, with who we are, and what we have and choose who we’re going to be in the next moment.

My family loves me so dearly, my girlfriend absolutely adores me, and I am so grateful even in-spite of so many awful things I’ve seen and been through.

I wish I could say that my health was the worst part of what I’ve seen, but sadly it’s only 1-10th of the burden God has put on my back. This cross is exceedingly heavy.

There will probably be even more suffering up ahead, life is filled with it. But there will probably be a lot of joy too, and I’m working on tapping it (huh huh mmm huh I said tapping it huh huh.)

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