My Online Dating Adventures

THIS IS A LONG POST, SO READ IF YOU WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED! CLIFF NOTES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.

So, back in September, I decided to give the online dating thing another shot. My reason for this was because, frankly, I was chasing after an ex-gf for 4 months and after I discovered she was dating someone, I needed to get out there and pursue something. I have to admit, the online dating thing has been nothing but horror stories for the most part. So, when I did sign up, I signed up for the following sites:

Match (Paid)
Plentyoffish (Free)
Singlesnet (Paid)

So, here is how the dates went for me.

Date #1 (Match)
I met some Puerto Rican girl off of Match and decided to talk to her a little bit before we talked on the phone. Now, mind you, I am not about ethnic girls at all but for some reason, the latina/hispanic girls really do it for me if anything. Ok, so we talked on the phone and both were sort of awkward towards each other. But things started to loosen up a little bit between us when we discovered we actually had mutual friends and just missed each other at their house warming party. Small world but it kept conversations going….

So, we decided to meet up for dinner. I wanted to do something fun, like dinner/drinks/dancing but she just wanted to do dinner and was willing to go out of her way to meet me closer to my house. I thought that was cool of her and had no problems with that, though I sort of wanted to do a halfway meet with her.

Ok, so we meet at a Seafood restaurant (I’m allergic to almost all except shrimp and lobster so I could eat something) and things got a little strange when we first met. First of all, when I saw her, she didn’t look exactly like her picture. I mean, yeah, she did to a point but the picture she posted had to be about 6-9 years earlier than what she looked like now. Still, she didn’t look too bad. But things got even weirder. We met each other, I went for a handshake and she went for a kiss even before we sat down for dinner… umm, odd. So it got settled for a kiss on the cheek at that point.

During dinner, conversations went really well, but then I discovered she was divorced. Big turn off for me, but I was trying to look past it. She was also 3 years older than me. I eventually did invite her to a Halloween Party I was having, more for the fact that I thought she would hit it off well with a friend of mine, which they really did. On top of this, my ex-gf (who planned the party with me) threw herself at me in front of her. The girl left part of her Halloween Costume here (basket) and we talked for a little bit but never again after that, and none of my mutual friends have really talked to her either….

Date #2 (Plenty of Fish)
Oh, this one was a winner. Now, for those that know me, and I mean really know me.. they know I am a shallow person. To me, a girl has to not only be perfect in my eyes but has to be extremely attractive to me as well (not in the she needs to be a 10 sense either). So, I met this girl off of this site and she seemed really cool. We e-mailed a lot, exchanged numbers and talked on the phone almost every day for a couple hours a day. I was looking for the same thing she was looking for and in her mind, I had no baggage and was completely normal. Honestly, I am and I am a guininely good person.

So, I had a picture of this girl. Now, what I got a picture of was one "angle" picture of her face and another picture of herself from right above her chest and anything above it. Ok, from those pictures, she didn’t look too bad. Cute, 5’8", about 130lbs… but why am I not seeing the rest of her. So, I was out at a bar with my buddies at one point and was telling one of them about the girl. He asked for a picture, so I asked her if she could take one of herself and send it so my friend can see what she looks like. Yeah, I know, sounds a bit sneaky and rude, but I want to see what I’m working with here. I’m entitled to a full body pic after all! So, she gets offended but eventually says she sent something to my phone, which I never got.

Later on, I got into a Myspace Stalker mode. I just had to figure out what the rest of this girl looked like because I knew she was hiding something. So, I found her on myspace with her normal pics she sent me. So I start going through her friends list and finally find one of her guy friends with a picture of him and her….. she was easily 250lbs!! YIKES! Ok, so like I said, I’m shallow. But, I looked at that picture and her recent picture and said to myself "you know, if this girl looks like her recent picture now, she lost a lot of weight and I give her credit there, but this might explain why I don’t see the rest of her"

So, I continued to talk to her, but she eventually went to stage 2 clinger mode within a couple of weeks. She would now call 2 times a night, she would tell me her guy friends wanted her to make her sound hot, she would tell me she didn’t like me going to Hooters with my buddies (after all, she didn’t even know me and was getting jealous?), she called me twice the night before our first date, the morning of our first date and an hour before our first date. She arrived at our date 20 minutes earlier than I did, she wasn’t even fashionably late and it showed it. I came out of the elevator and looked to my left and saw a girl by herself, who I was hoping wasn’t her. I then walked to my right to my restaurant in hopes the real girl I wanted to meet was in there…

So I called her, and much to my dislike, it was her. So I went back out and went through with the "date". About the girl. I do give her credit, she lost some weight, but her picture was deceiving and she weighed about 170lbs.. about 40lbs more than I was expecting. So throughout the night, I kept giving her signals I wasn’t interested. I let her pay for her own dinner, I kept texting my friends (male and female) at the table, we did get coffee sure… I then pretty much told her I wanted to get back together with my ex-gf as I learned she recently became single and then told her I was going to a friend’s house in the town we were in to pretty much spend the night with my (female) friend.

Unfortunately, I didn’t even call her back two days later to tell her not to contact me again, I just stopped all contact with her all together. A bit of a dick move, yes, but she pretty much had to hide a lot from me, had psychotic friends who honestly would have went after me had they even thought she was upset (putting me in danger), and she smoked which was another turnoff.

Date #3 (Singlesnet)
So, I was talking to this girl off of this site for about 2 weeks online. We got to know each other through e-mail a little bit, before she finally decided she wanted to meet up and "hang out" (by the way, this term really sucks.. I like having a bit of assurance that it is a "date" and not just "hanging out"). Anyway, so I told her I would call her. I finally did call her the night before our date. Our phone conversation lasted 10 minutes tops. Ok, so maybe she was a girl who wanted to get to know me in person, right?

So, we became friends on myspace (and still are). I read some of her past blogs and wow, did she go out with some winners. Guys who ended up being cocaine addicts (and thankfully got help), guys who grew marijuana in their closet. An ex-bf who had the key to her place and came over to feed her cats and fucked his gf in her place to put "distance" between them, another guy whose use of the tongue was pretty much just to lick her all around her face, etc. Ok, compared to these jerks, I am completely normal. I have never done or never will do any illegal drugs (prescription or otc is all when needed), I have a job I love, I’m well rounded, funny, etc. I can go on and on about this one.

The date came, and it was a disaster right from before the date. I actually ended up going home sick from work that morning because I wasn’t feeling well but went on the date anyway because I felt a lot better by the evening. Everything and anything that went wrong with me getting ready for the date, pretty much did. I wanted to take a shower before the date, and shave, my bathroom was pretty much incapacitated so I couldn’t do either. So needless to say, I might have had a little 5 o’clock shadow. The shower thing wasn’t too important, I already took one when I got home from work that day when i came home sick. But just in case, I put on a little cologne.

On top of this, I couldn’t find a nice pair of pants to wear. All my pants, I usually wear for work and that day, happened to be the day I was supposed to pick up everything from the laundro-mat (I usually do my own but opted not to this time). The place told me the machine broke, they had my pants, they weren’t ready. So I said screw it, I’m going in a nice pair of jeans and a good buttoned down shirt. If she can’t accept that, than she can’t accept me for being me.

So, I arrived and she arrived on time as well, but we were both waiting in our cars for 15 minutes before we realized we both arrived. So, she saw me, gave me a hug and as she did so, she stepped on my feet. Ok, good moment I can use for later if I want to be funny. So we had dinner and during dinner, she had a glass of wine (asked if I wanted to share a bottle, we didn’t since it would be too much for 2 people) and spilled the wine on her shirt during dinner. Ok, so she was nervous or clumsy. So, I asked her some standard questions, talked about things going on with us currently, etc. Withing 2 hours of the date, she was already looking to get out for some reason, it’s like she didn’t want to be there any longer than she had to and was being forced to be there.

So, I sensed this and we agreed to call it a night. I walked her to her car, leaned in to give her a kiss, and the same moment she gave me a hug and all I could do is kiss her on the cheek. No big deal, usually that leads to more with me the next time around anyway. So, I left it at I would call her at the end of the weekend. I did so on Sunday night, and left her a voicemail. Never heard back from her, but noticed she put up a new blog and in it she talks about how she is now officially taking a break from dating. Some of her lines were as follows (my comments underneath them):

"i’m changing it back. no dating til may. i’m 29 and single. and you know what? it’s not me. it’s you. "
(I have to wonder what happened there, soudns like she got burnt way too many times)

"i was wondering whether i am getting pickier, or the selection is getting worse. i think it’s both."
(Ouch, obviously she found something wrong with me.. fyi, I’m not as crazy in person as I am online, I don’t talk like I do here)

"i just don’t like typical jersey guys"
(something I am nowhere near)

"most jersey guys don’t actually leave new jersey. like, ever. they go to county college, have a job they hate, and have never really traveled and have no desire to venture any further than the town where they grew up"

(ok, I did go to county college but I also went to tech school, have a job I love and love to travel… so how i fit into here is beyond me)

"or, they wear gold chains with crosses. a gold chain is bad enough. now you add a cross and i really don’t want to talk to you. or they shave their body hair because they’re abnormally hairy italians"
(none of these fit my profile)

"i’ve met some really cool jersey guys– ones that aren’t the typical flavor here– but that hasn’t worked out for one reason or another either, usually because they are fucking nuts"
(maybe she is the one who is nuts.. and yeah, before you post it, I am nuts for posting this lol)

"i’m somewhat normal (a little goofy sometimes, or intense or heated when i am mad, but that’s called a personality), grounded, funny (well i think i am hilarious), smart, educated, athletic, outgoing, and ambitious. i absolutely love teaching and wouldn’t do anything else, so i am happy with my career. i have a great group of friends and get along with my family. i don’t have any drama in my life. i don’t have a ton of baggage. why can’t i meet someone with all these same things?!?"
(she’s a bit into herself but I have these same exactly qualities she has.. obviously she was not listening to our conversations and just comparing me to the others she dated)

She also made the excuse that she is "too busy" to date. One thing I threw at her during dinner, was that we are all busy, but we honestly make time for others when we are really interested and want to make time for others. Nobody is *that* busy that they can’t date someone and it’s all an excuse…

So, I never heard back from her on Sunday, but I’m debating, do I e-mail her one last time and keep the ball in her court and peak her interest still and be friendly and cool? And what exactly might she have found wrong with me? That’s what bugs me the most, I want to know… I’m not even ugly, I’m pretty darn good looking actually. And what prompted her blog? I think she went on and on about something, because she might have went on another date after me with some douchebag that in turn, just made her give up on me as well.

Those are my 3 dates. I do have a 4th one coming up in a couple of weeks. Another girl I met off of plentyoffish. She’s really awesome, we have so much in common, looking for the same things, so far we are attracted to each other from pictures and phone conversations we had and exchanges between text messages and e-mails. We really hit it off well, but she works in television so her schedule gets a little rough but we made a date out of it. I’m already saying that after this one, if it doesn’t work out, I’m calling it quits on the online dating thing and just going to save my money.

CLIFFS
Went on 3 dates.
Date 1 – Too much Baggage
Date 2- To Fat and clingy for my liking
Date 3 – Is way too picky, thinks she is perfect, still might keep open
Date 4 – Coming up in couple of weeks.
Will swear off online dating if Date 4 doesn’t work out.
I had no luck with online dating at all. So I gave up with that too.. For the second time.

I just plan to make more friends in real life and see where it goes. Take classes, go travelling, meet people at work or in neighbouring offices, while doing outdoor activities… I can think of so many things…
Honestly, I’ve been in to the online dating thing for a while. Trust me when I say stay AWAY from pay sites. The only GIRLS who use those sites are psycho and desperate.

IMO, I’ve had the BEST results from POSTING a listing on craigslist. Don’t reply to them, as the girls who WRITE them are fucking crazy. It takes a LOT more desperation to write an ad than it does to reply to one.

Then, if the email doesn’t have pics, search for their email addy on myspace, or even do it anyways to see if she sent you ‘angle’ shots, etc.

But IMO, its your BEST bet for meeting someone ‘normal’ online.

Honestly, I’ve been in to the online dating thing for a while. Trust me when I say stay AWAY from pay sites. The only GIRLS who use those sites are psycho and desperate.

IMO, I’ve had the BEST results from POSTING a listing on craigslist. Don’t reply to them, as the girls who WRITE them are fucking crazy. It takes a LOT more desperation to write an ad than it does to reply to one.

Then, if the email doesn’t have pics, search for their email addy on myspace, or even do it anyways to see if she sent you ‘angle’ shots, etc.

But IMO, its your BEST bet for meeting someone ‘normal’ online.

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