Girl I dated said I do more things now than I did 2 years ago…

It got me thinking, was I really boring and am I really boring when I date someone? I thought about this and when I dated this girl two years ago, I really didn’t spread things out and I wanted to see her every week and all we did was always go out to dinner. No sex, nothing fun and exciting, etc.

So, fast forward to a few years down the line and we are "friends" (with of course, me still trying to pursue things subtly). So we were out the other night and she said to me "You know, you do more things now than you have in the past".

Now, this gets me thinking. I have done a lot of "dating" things with her and some husband/wife things with her as friends only. This is more than what we did when we were actually dating. Is it possible that she sees this and goes "Hmmm, he’s more fun and interesting when just a friend, there is no need to date him if he’s like this as a friend."

Let me give you guys some ideas of things we have done together since we started hanging out again in July 07:

-Went to local band together with friends, she got sloppy drunk, I took care of her.. she wanted to hook up, I didn’t.

-Had a small private pool party with mutual friends of ours, she spend the night (in same bed, I made two advances that were rejected but we were still close).

-Went to Atlantic City together for a weekend of gambling and dancing, met up with some friends there as well.

-She took me to the mall to help me update my wardrobe for work, etc. In return for the favor she did for me, I got her a new phone (don’t get me started, bad mistake I think but her old one was ready to blow up in her ear)

-Took her to a college football game in September (where I discovered she was dating some guy who was banging her, so I ignored her for a little over a month)

-We started talking again, we planned a Halloween Party together and spent 3 days putting to together and invited all of my friends and all of her friends (even guy friends of hers) and had a fun time..and yeah, she spent the night in same bed again.

-Went to friend’s house for sort of a fondu party, spent the night there.

-She invited me over for Thanksgiving with her and her family, to which I gladly went to have the second dinner.

-She helped me put up a Christmas tree this year, it was really nice and kind of felt good to do something like this with someone I care about and someone who shows they actually care.

-We put together a small get together for a combined Christmas and New Year’s party.

-I took her out for a nice dinner for her birthday

-I also took her out to a nice thai dinner in the city and a play, to which she thoroughly enjoyed

-She stopped seeing the guy, and in the process, I guess I got distant with her for a month.

-This past week she was texting a lot, etc.

-I took her to dinner at my family’s house and had my uncle do her taxes for her as well. We later met up with some friends for bowling.

Now, my question is this… How do I get out of this friendzone trap and am I doing too much with her as friends to make her not want to date me? Sometimes there is really heavy flirting going on there, but it doesn’t go beyond that. So methods I have tried:

-No contact route.. while she does eventually fall for this after a month of no serious contact, it’s just not right and honestly always has backfired on me.

-Dating other women.. tried this route as well. She actually openly suggested I continue to do so and actually has pushed me to do so. (I’ll post more on my dates since October)

-Her friend also pressured her at one point to go back out with me, she didn’t oblige at the time and I don’t think her friend helped by pressuring her.

How do I get from the ex-bf who still does things with his ex-gf like this to the guy who is banging her AND doing all these fun things with her (without playing stupid games, keeping our friendship and not worrying about pressuring each other to be in a relationship and taking things as they go)?
jesus you think too much

…just like me

You don’t. She has already rejected you quite a few times, when are you going to get it? She doesn’t want you to use her for sex. Why should she want to sleep with you when you don’t even want to date her? If you want to get laid go find someone else. Don’t ruin a good friendship just cause you want to get your dick wet.

I think you are mistaken. I *DO* want to date her.. but yet, she will go out and let some guy bang her without him really dating her at all. Anyway, all the above things I mentioned we did together, are things people do together normally when they are dating as well (and if they aren’t, then obviously the only thing that is left is kissing and sex). So I figure, that’s not what she’s looking for… she’s not looking to date someone, she’s looking for something with no strings attached.. when it really comes down to it, I want to date her and be the guy that’s in bed with her at the same time, but she has rejected that idea again for whatever reason. And no it’s not because I am just trying to get in her pants, I hardly ever try to do that, I’m always good to her, put up with her (and she knows it), despite what you are thinking my intention is. I’m not a guy who normally jumps in the sack with the girl, but I’m sick of this friend’s only bullshit when it’s clear we should be more. I’ve had at least 4 people approach me and ask me if we were bf/gf this weekend and then ask me why not and tell me we would be good together.. if I had my way, we would be, but it’s her decision that we are not.
She probably friendzoned you long ago and don’t see you that way… If you can’t see her as a friend, then it’s time to tie it off.
You’re too nice. Stop flowering her with all these gifts and everything else.

After you’ve done this space yourself out from the girl and take time to think and improve yourself. This one’s been done for a while and you still haven’t learned anything.

Welcome, my friend, to hell. She sees you as a friend — a good friend, sure, but just a friend. The advances you make are nothing more than an ego boost for her. If you can’t just be her friend, like she wants, you owe it to both of you to give it a rest. Sorry broseph.

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