Christing fuck I’ve had anxiety my entire life but tonight it came to a head and I almost had my first honest-to-god anxiety attack.

My grandmom has never been an easy person to get along with. Shit, I had to get it from somewhere, right? But she was always tolerable and pleasant more often than she was petty and mean.

Now she’s going off the deep end. It started off with an offhand comment during Christmas Eve ’06 when she made some disgusting ‘joke’ about the time my brother almost drowned at age 3 and refused to apologize, back down, or admit to any wrongdoing whatsoever.

Our family didn’t speak to her for roughly 8 months, when my grandad had a heart attack in August (he survived and now has a pacemaker), and after which she finally apologized and the situation was resolved.

In the past week now one of my grandparents’ friends died of cancer and another friend just had a heart attack. I was up at their house tonight eating dinner with them because it had been a few weeks since I’d seen them and for God knows what reason I’m her favorite grandson.

Tonight was pure fucking torture. She was combative, irrational, needed things repeated 3-4 times before they even began to sink in. Nothing negative directed at me, but she started with talking shit about my roommate who she doesn’t even know well, talking shit about my dad (called him lazy, I called her out on it, she had zero specific examples or any explanation for why she would call her own son lazy after he’s raised two kids and maintained a high-paying career since age 25), talking shit about my parents about me going to UF when she wanted me to go to Auburn (reason? "Auburn is just such a nice school." My logic of "UF offered me a full ride, Auburn offered me nothing, and I wasn’t about to burden dad or myself with $30k/yr in debt because it’s a "nice school." I don’t know which part is my parents’ fault )

And then shit got real weird. Started talking about age, dying, that sort of shit, and this went on for like an hour. I was insanely uncomfortable the entire time, and then towards the end of it my grandmom just starts crying and says out of the fucking blue "I just think there’s more I could have done for [my mom]" (who died 2 years ago of dementia at age 101, there wasn’t SHIT anyone could have done for her) even though she could produce no reasons for feeling this way.

Actual dinner went fine until grandad put on his deaf-guy headphones to watch TV and she started crying again, and this time more of the root issue came out: She’s worried my grandad is on his way out, which he may well be, but she’s not handling it well at all after watching her own mom outlive her husband for 20 miserable years. Grandmom was snapping at him, cursing at him in front of me, and just generally being a bitch.

As I was leaving, it was probably the weirdest goodbye I’ve ever had with her. Her eyes were welling up with tears again and she was acting like it was the last time she’d ever see me, which at this point I’m worried it may be. Her mom got dementia, but not until her 90s (grandparents are in their early 80s). I was fucking shaking by the time I was leaving because I was simultaneously pissed off at her and concerned about what the fuck is going on.

Fuck life. Fuck family. Fuck people. This world is fucking insane and every step I take to avoid more of the insanity does nothing to stem the flow of it into my life. It’s too late to call my parents to talk about it so I had to get it out somewhere.

Good night.

It sounds to me like she may be experiencing mental health problems, possibly as a result of grieving the loss of her mother, and now the potential losses of family.

Sometimes people begin to feel increasingly vulnerable and isolated as they age. Their friends begin to die, they grieve far more than younger individuals, and as a result they become ill more easily and succumb to chronic conditions.

Problems such as depression, lethargy, anxiety about death, or resentment, and regret can manifest as well. It is likely that she’s projected onto family these feelings, probably because she doesn’t even know exactly what she’s feeling. As a way of coping she may be letting it out in these unhealthy forms.

Having the family sit down together with her, each person listening and sharing their thoughts and concerns can often go a long way in helping to resolve some of this. Support for older individuals becomes more crucial because of the increased vulnerability.

It’s unfortunate you had to experience this. Perhaps what I’m saying might be useful to you, but I don’t know.
As much as I have tried to avoid any unecessary insanity in my life, family or otherwise, it always sneaks in. Unfortunately, it’s usually from family: either mine or a family-in-law.
You’re not speaking to her, you’re speaking to her anxiety and dementia.
The nicest thing you can do is let her run her yap and get it off her chest.
Don’t take that shit personally and keep your head up.
Some old people get so out of touch with reality as they age, it’s sort of sad… They get delusional, overreact, it’s a bitch dealing with them.

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