So, my brother’s fiance tried to seduce me last night…

What the fuck do I do?!

This will probably be long, but really I’d appreciate you reading it all to give proper advice, but cliff’s are included.

It was her birthday and she came home from the clubs quite drunk. My brother had already gone to bed and so had a few other people who were staying at my house that night. She had changed out of her clothes and was wearing a super-baggy tshirt, with only knickers on below it.

All night she was all over me… clinging onto my arm, getting cosy against me. I didn’t think too much of me it because I see her as a big sister, more than anything.

But as the night wore on and, one by one, people went to bed, I was sitting there with her at my side and I could feel her eying me up, almost as if hoping I’d turn around and reciprocate the eye contact.

I was weirded out and thought to myself "This can’t be right, she couldn’t be hitting on me." So I played the socially inept card… I didn’t make eye contact, my movements were awkward, I moved my body everytime she got too close for comfort. Every song that was playing she would say, " This is a really romantic song, isn’t it?" Well, for all that matters Enya could have played and I’d have said "fuck no."

At one point, she went into the kitchen and I put my head back onto the sofa and closed my eyes, I was playing the "It’s 4am, I’m tired, I’m going to bed" card. Well, I heard her come in and assumed she’d sit back down beside me… instead, she got ontop of me and straddled me on the sofa. She immediately started grinding, I could feel the wetness and hotness between her legs (remember, she’s only wearing a baggy tshirt and knickers) and then she kissed me. I didn’t reciprocate and shoved her off, but she clung into my shoulders and tried to kiss me again. All the time I’m saying "No way, you’re my brother’s fiance and I love him far too much to ever do anything like this. It’d kill me…" She gave one last deep grind and loud, almost orgasmic moan… so I stood up with her still clung onto me and I threw her off me and onto the sofa.

She said, "I love a strong man who can throw me about the bedroom."

I was confused, annoyed and I sat down on the other sofa, "What the Hell are you doing? You’re drunk and don’t know wtf you’re doing. You know I couldn’t do that on my brother."

She replied, "I don’t see what the problem is. Don’t you find me attractive? I think you’re really sexy and I want you. I don’t see the harm in us doing it once, we’d have a great time… I think that’s why i want to try you, because I haven’t done it with you before."

I tried to save her embarrassment by repeating "You’re just too drunk, relax. Go to bed… you’re just too drunk and don’t know what you’re doing."

The whole time she’s simply repeating, "I can’t help it, you’re too sexy."

Me and her had a running joke how she’d set me up with her gorgeous friend and I tried to play off her "sexy" comments by saying, "Anyway, it’d be cruel to deprive your friend of me, she deserves me!" And my brother’s fiance replies, "I deserve you."

So I gave up and told her I was going to bed, she instantly tried to coax me to stay for "a dance", obviously I said no and got the Hell out of there. And, to be honest, I was really worried about her following me to bed.

I don’t know what the Hell to do, my brother and her are getting married in June ’09 and they’re currently building a house and planning to move into together in October.

Backstory: She and my brother had been seeing eachother for 3 years, they lived together for a year and got engaged. She broke it off because she wasn’t as ready as she thought for marriage… My brother moved in with me and we had a great couple of months as bachelors and then she came back onto the scene and they got back together around 8 months ago.
She broke his heart the last time and I really don’t want her to do it again.

I feel selfish to say this but part of me wants to tell him, so that he doesn’t move out (because his moving out will cause me problems tbh), so that we can go back to the way we were (true bachelors) and, by his moving out, I will be losing one of my best friends. But those reasons really aren’t good enough for me to ruin everything on him. Not to mention I’m worried that if I do tell him, he’ll semi-blame it on me and our relationship will be ruined.

What the fuck will I do? Seriously, I woke up this morning believing I had a nightmare and that it really didn’t happen and then it sucker punched me in the stomach.

I also don’t understand it because my brother is a great guy… In October he’ll become the companies managing director, he’s a great personality, he’s got a great car, he’s a great looking guy (so much so, that if I am in a unconfident mood I’ll feel uncomfortable going out with him because he gets the attention!), he has money, plays soccer at a high level, has a lot of friends, no debt, blah blah blah… My life and livelihood is pretty good too, but I’d hope to take after my brother in a lot of ways. Oh and I’m 21, he’s 30 and she’s 25.

cliffs: brother has his heart broken by fiance a year ago, they get back together, get re-enagaged (two weeks ago) and start building a house together. Last night his fiance is drunk and tries to seduce me and tells me she has a crush on me. I have my own selfish reasons why I think I should tell him, but those reasons aren’t good enough. I simply don’t want her to break my brothers heart, especially when things become complicated with marriage (June ’09) and a house (october ’08).

Tell her that if she doesn’t tell your brother what she did, that you’ll do it.

This will probably be long, but really I’d appreciate you reading it all to give proper advice, but cliff’s are included.

It was her birthday and she came home from the clubs quite drunk. My brother had already gone to bed and so had a few other people who were staying at my house that night. She had changed out of her clothes and was wearing a super-baggy tshirt, with only knickers on below it.

All night she was all over me… clinging onto my arm, getting cosy against me. I didn’t think too much of me it because I see her as a big sister, more than anything.

You allow your sister to climb onto your arm and get cozy against you?

But as the night wore on and, one by one, people went to bed, I was sitting there with her at my side and I could feel her eying me up, almost as if hoping I’d turn around and reciprocate the eye contact.

I was weirded out and thought to myself "This can’t be right, she couldn’t be hitting on me." So I played the socially inept card… I didn’t make eye contact, my movements were awkward, I moved my body everytime she got too close for comfort. Every song that was playing she would say, " This is a really romantic song, isn’t it?" Well, for all that matters Enya could have played and I’d have said "fuck no."

This is where you get up and tell her you need to go to sleep and that she either needs to leave or head to her own room.

At one point, she went into the kitchen and I put my head back onto the sofa and closed my eyes, I was playing the "It’s 4am, I’m tired, I’m going to bed" card. Well, I heard her come in and assumed she’d sit back down beside me… instead, she got ontop of me and straddled me on the sofa. She immediately started grinding, I could feel the wetness and hotness between her legs (remember, she’s only wearing a baggy tshirt and knickers) and then she kissed me. I didn’t reciprocate and shoved her off, but she clung into my shoulders and tried to kiss me again. All the time I’m saying "No way, you’re my brother’s fiance and I love him far too much to ever do anything like this. It’d kill me…" She gave one last deep grind and loud, almost orgasmic moan… so I stood up with her still clung onto me and I threw her off me and onto the sofa.

That is unacceptable.

She said, "I love a strong man who can throw me about the bedroom."

I was confused, annoyed and I sat down on the other sofa, "What the Hell are you doing? You’re drunk and don’t know wtf you’re doing. You know I couldn’t do that on my brother."

She replied, "I don’t see what the problem is. Don’t you find me attractive? I think you’re really sexy and I want you. I don’t see the harm in us doing it once, we’d have a great time… I think that’s why i want to try you, because I haven’t done it with you before."

You should have left immediately.

I tried to save her embarrassment by repeating "You’re just too drunk, relax. Go to bed… you’re just too drunk and don’t know what you’re doing."

The whole time she’s simply repeating, "I can’t help it, you’re too sexy."

Me and her had a running joke how she’d set me up with her gorgeous friend and I tried to play off her "sexy" comments by saying, "Anyway, it’d be cruel to deprive your friend of me, she deserves me!" And my brother’s fiance replies, "I deserve you."

The fact you stayed is what kept this engine running.

So I gave up and told her I was going to bed, she instantly tried to coax me to stay for "a dance", obviously I said no and got the Hell out of there. And, to be honest, I was really worried about her following me to bed.

I don’t know what the Hell to do, my brother and her are getting married in June ’09 and they’re currently building a house and planning to move into together in October.

If you have a good relationship with your brother and he trusts you, tell him what she did.

Backstory: She and my brother had been seeing eachother for 3 years, they lived together for a year and got engaged. She broke it off because she wasn’t as ready as she thought for marriage… My brother moved in with me and we had a great couple of months as bachelors and then she came back onto the scene and they got back together around 8 months ago. She broke his heart the last time and I really don’t want her to do it again.

The back history is irrelevant. That’s for your brother to decide what it means.

I feel selfish to say this but part of me wants to tell him, so that he doesn’t move out (because his moving out will cause me problems tbh), so that we can go back to the way we were (true bachelors) and, by his moving out, I will be losing one of my best friends. But those reasons really aren’t good enough for me to ruin everything on him. Not to mention I’m worried that if I do tell him, he’ll semi-blame it on me and our relationship will be ruined.

It’s better to tell the truth and risk losing it all, than hide a lie and end up really losing it all.

What the fuck will I do? Seriously, I woke up this morning believing I had a nightmare and that it really didn’t happen and then it sucker punched me in the stomach.

I also don’t understand it because my brother is a great guy… In October he’ll become the companies managing director, he’s a great personality, he’s got a great car, he’s a great looking guy (so much so, that if I am in a unconfident mood I’ll feel uncomfortable going out with him because he gets the attention!), he has money, plays soccer at a high level, has a lot of friends, no debt, blah blah blah… My life and livelihood is pretty good too, but I’d hope to take after my brother in a lot of ways. Oh and I’m 21, he’s 30 and she’s 25.

The problem isn’t that he’s not a great guy, it’s just that he fuckin’ sucks at picking women. He’ll need to end this on his own.

cliffs: brother has his heart broken by fiance a year ago, they get back together, get re-enagaged (two weeks ago) and start building a house together. Last night his fiance is drunk and tries to seduce me and tells me she has a crush on me. I have my own selfish reasons why I think I should tell him, but those reasons aren’t good enough. I simply don’t want her to break my brothers heart, especially when things become complicated with marriage (June ’09) and a house (october ’08).

you’re gonna have to tell him. I’d strongly advise him to get rid of her ASAP.
Definitely talk with her first before telling him and see what she says. He should know, but don’t expect him to break up with her over it, there’s a good chance that she "won’t remember anything" and it’ll cause a whole bunch of temporary or permanent drama. Good luck.

You allow your sister to climb onto your arm and get cozy against you?

Yeah, I’d have no problems with my sis clinging onto my arm, or resting her head on my shoulder… a) she’s my younger sis and I’m her over-protective brother.

That is unacceptable.

You should have left immediately.

The fact you stayed is what kept this engine running.

I realise that now. At first I stayed because I was simply thinking (in denial), "nah, no way, she’s just drunk, friendlier than normal… she would never try something" AND the fact that I really do… did see her as a sister. Obviously as soon as it was clearly no longer platonic, I backed off.

After I threw her on the sofa I stayed on the other sofa, (opposite side of the room) because I wanted to really enforce the fact that I’d never do that on somebody I love.

If you have a good relationship with your brother and he trusts you, tell him what she did.

I do, he does and that’ll be the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

The back history is irrelevant. That’s for your brother to decide what it means.

Included more to introduce my selfish reasons for telling…

It’s better to tell the truth and risk losing it all, than hide a lie and end up really losing it all.

I agree, the last thing I need is for this to haunt me if/when my brother get’s his heart ripped out, knowing that I could have minimalised the damage… But, Christ, knowing that I’m the one going to deliver the bad news and rip his heart out.

The problem isn’t that he’s not a great guy, it’s just that he fuckin’ sucks at picking women. He’ll need to end this on his own.

MattThom01:

you’re gonna have to tell him. I’d strongly advise him to get rid of her ASAP

I know I should tell him, I think I’m just in denial because I don’t want to have that conversation with him. Anybody ever delivered news like this before?

And I appreciate the replies.

It’ll always be there, hanging over him if he didn’t break up with her, I know it. I know he would trust me, but how could he trust her with being alone with me again, even if she was just completely drunk and acting out of character? I’m meant to be the best man at their wedding too… how the fuck could I give a speech declaring them lucky to have found one another?!

And, knowing my brother, he would break up with her.
Look at it this way:

Do you want your brother to live the rest of his life with this woman who had no problem doing all that stuff to you? That she was drunk is not a really good excuse in my opinion, sounds like her intentions and loyalty aren’t very clear.
My first response was fairly harsh because when you talk about "playing this card" or "Playing that card" it seems to me like you actually were enjoying the attention and were seriously considering sleeping with her and were more playing the mating game than enforcing boundaries.

However, after I thought about when I was younger, I can understand the delima but you know….your brother would prolly never forgive you…..like ever. Not only that, I don’t believe there is anyway to sleep with her without him knowing about it. That one time bullshit is just that…..bullshit….don’t fall for it.

So what would I do? Well when I was in a similar situation, although not as overt, I didn’t tell my bro because he was already an emotional wreck from his divorce. So I didn’t want to add to his pain…but his g/f made it pretty clear that if I was interested, so was she.

Now, I would tell my brother right away. I’m sure he would want the truth over a lie or deception and I would help him see that….even if it was very difficult. It’s a difficult choice tho….it might be misinterpreted by your bro.

Regardless of what you decide, I would not sleep with her….ever. There’s just some people in this world that are off limits to me, no matter how hot they are. However, this is a value that I have set for me….you may not agree.

Stop being a pansy. Do you want your brother to be happy? If you do this means you NEED to tell him about his soon to be wife that was completely inappropriate with you.

If you were getting married to a girl and found out before the wedding she was very sexually forward with your brother wouldn’t you want him to tell you? I think so.
My solution would be the following, goto your brother and give him a warning that he shouldn’t let his fiance get out of control and get drunk like that again, that she was with her drunk ass all over you ,trying to make out with you,and that you did not appreciate it.

If he’s going to make a ruckus out of it just say: what the hell am i supposed to do, she’s your fiance , you need to be a little more strict on her.

My solution would be the following, goto your brother and give him a warning that he shouldn’t let his fiance get out of control and get drunk like that again, that she was with her drunk ass all over you ,trying to make out with you,and that you did not appreciate it.

If he’s going to make a ruckus out of it just say: what the hell am i supposed to do, she’s your fiance , you need to be a little more strict on her.

Or he at least needs to know what he’s getting into if he’s the one who has been in denial.
I HATE getting in the middle of relationships because usually it’s a girl I have to tell something to and they’re illogical so they don’t listen.

Hopefully since he’s a guy he’ll listen. You’ll never forgive yourself if they get married and then eventually (because they will) go through a messy divorce.
this whole situation is terrible, im sorry. you know what you have to do, it will definately be tough, but if the sitaution was reversed and this was YOUR fiance…..would you want your brother to say something? i sure hope so

Sorry, I wrote this out in a rush earlier to get it off my chest… "playing this or that card" wasn’t the best choice of words, basically I tried to give her a casual cold shoulder and then not-so casual cold shoulder, for example as soon as she "made a move" i shoved her off me, when that didnt work, I threw her off me. All-in-all she was on top of me for maybe 20 seconds.

I love women. I really do and I love the thought of a hot, single woman trying to seduce me… but the minutes that this all happened in were amongst the most uncomfortable I’ve had–I really didn’t enjoy it.

And I want to be perfectly clear, there is no chance of me sleeping with her whether I think I’d get away with it or not. I’m not wired that way and I would never do that on my brother. I’ve my own set of principles to live with.

iwishyouwerebeer:

Sorry for being a pansy! I guess the thought of telling my brother that the love of his life came onto me 2 weeks after they got engaged is just a little overwhelming! But, as usual, your advice is sound. I do need to tell him. Thanks.

darketernal:

My solution would be the following, goto your brother and give him a warning that he shouldn’t let his fiance get out of control and get drunk like that again, that she was with her drunk ass all over you ,trying to make out with you,and that you did not appreciate it.

If he’s going to make a ruckus out of it just say: what the hell am i supposed to do, she’s your fiance , you need to be a little more strict on her.

My brother knows that I’m a pretty stand-up guy, he won’t cause a ruckus with me. If he did, I guess we weren’t as close as I thought. I might use your first paragraph word for word! Thanks.

Calisteph:

I agree and that’s why I need to tell him, I know that this won’t end well.

chucklenut:

Thanks. Of course I would want to know if the situation was vice-versa and you’re all right in saying that he deserves to know too.


It is possible she is using alchahol to escape problems leading to her being too drunk and trying to sex up anyone. Maybe she needs some alchahol counseling.
Tell her to tell your brother, or you do it. Either way, he deserves to know. This is a person that already has a history of giving your brother grief, so the likelihood of the events you described will be much easier for him to accept.
fuck that tell your brother first, dont warn the bitch so she can lie to your brother

It sounds like if you warn her, she’s going to go to your brother first and lie about how "you came on to her," blah blah blah. Just go straight to him and let him know what’s up so she doesn’t have a chance to drive a wedge between you two.

Sorry, I wrote this out in a rush earlier to get it off my chest… "playing this or that card" wasn’t the best choice of words, basically I tried to give her a casual cold shoulder and then not-so casual cold shoulder, for example as soon as she "made a move" i shoved her off me, when that didnt work, I threw her off me. All-in-all she was on top of me for maybe 20 seconds.

I love women. I really do and I love the thought of a hot, single woman trying to seduce me… but the minutes that this all happened in were amongst the most uncomfortable I’ve had–I really didn’t enjoy it.

And I want to be perfectly clear, there is no chance of me sleeping with her whether I think I’d get away with it or not. I’m not wired that way and I would never do that on my brother. I’ve my own set of principles to live with.

Well that’s why I didn’t post the harsh version because I figured there was more to it than you initially posted.

Good luck man….I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.
I don’t worry about other people’s feelings. They’re free to choose how they respond to any particular event.

I’d take the risk of losing my relationship with someone I loved if it meant telling them the truth. Anything else in my world would damage my character and place undue weight and suffering on my back that will inevitably come out later anyway.

I prefer acute and immediate suffering over long drawn out suffering — which eventually explodes at some point. At least with acute suffering, I have some control, and I can choose how I’ll respond if things go well, or if they don’t.

I was just going to say that. I would grab your brother and take him aside ASAP and get him alone and tell him IN DETAIL what happened. If you give her an ultimatum to tell him first do you really think she will tell him the truth? She’s cornered and will lie her ass off in order to save herself and make it look like you came onto her. Don’t give her the chance to do that.

Good point, I forgot about that.
Yeah, I’d tell your brother yourself. I cant believe anyone in here was actually saying to let the girl tell him. You know she won’t be truthful at all

Oh shuuush.

I’m serious. Really think about it…after all that do you really think that girl would fess up and tell him the entire truth? Doubtful, very doubtful.

You’re right.
If you go and tell your brother without discussing it with her first then it’s likely that he’ll go and talk with her privately about it and she’ll convince him that it was absolutely nothing, a mere drunken silly joke that you misinterpreted and you’ll seem like the bad guy…especially since you’ve already let days pass since the event (assuming you haven’t told him yet).
ok, if you want to try and make her tell him first…I have an idea. Why don’t you write down what happened in a letter, seal it, and give it to him. Tell him not to open it yet. Then after she tells him tell him to open it. He’ll know you aren’t just weaseling out of anything. This won’t work if your bro is the type to just open it.

This might be a little too much of "playing games" though…I dunno.
i had some shit like this happen to me at work with some chick. dude, seriously, you need to tell him ASAP!

ok, if you want to try and make her tell him first…I have an idea. Why don’t you write down what happened in a letter, seal it, and give it to him. Tell him not to open it yet. Then after she tells him tell him to open it. He’ll know you aren’t just weaseling out of anything. This won’t work if your bro is the type to just open it.

This might be a little too much of "playing games" though…I dunno.

If someone gave you a letter and said not to open it until later, you know you’d open it as soon as they left… nice try though… silly calisteph…
dude you gotta help your brother get out of this relationship ASAP
Quick Update:

I am going to tell my brother… there’s no doubt about that. I work two jobs so I haven’t been around home too much. I came home tonight all psyched to tell him, but he’s not here (probably at her house). I’ll see him tomorrow after work.

I am genuinely worried that my relationship with him will be ruined… we’re brothers and close friends. I really hope this doesn’t fuck everything up.

It’s weird thinking back to when it happened… it’s fuzzy and dream-like (read: nightmare-like) and because it’s so out of the ordinary it feels like it never happened and I’m losing my mind and making shit up, if you get what I mean?

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I’ll update again and let you know how it goes…
Good. Luck.

You are being bigger than yourself… props
I seriously doubt that it will ruin your relationship with him….you did nothing wrong. She was the aggressor. Just be prepared, your bro might have very strong reactions towards you. Remember, you didn’t cause this…she did.

no your wrong there…. if he doesnt believe you it will/ can ruin your relationship.

but not telling him would be worse, especially if you told him once they got divorced
This thread makes me sad. Even though I don’t know the OP personally, I really hope he gets through this tough time and makes the right decision.

It won’t be easy, because each choice will affect your life somehow. Just don’t let it consume you.
Definitely tell your bro

Girl will ruin him

no your wrong there…. if he doesnt believe you it will/ can ruin your relationship.

but not telling him would be worse, especially if you told him once they got divorced

I agree that it can. If you bad mouth anyone’s SO, there is a good chance that they will be pissed at you whether they end up together or apart. Still, you’d feel horrible if they went through with the marriage and ended up divorcing later for this type of thing.

Good luck with the conversation. Try to keep it in the frame of "I don’t want you to get hurt" and stick with the facts rather then editorializing about what a drunken immature manipulator this girl is.
I haven’t ready anyone else’s responses I’m just going off of the story (and yes I read the whole thing and not just the cliffs). First, you need to tell him. If she is doing that to you, her finance’s BROTHER, then she is definitely doing it or will do it to others. Second, your brother is probably a great guy he just has shitty taste in women…my dad is a WONDERFUL guy but he can’t chose a good woman to save his life. I don’t think it would be selfish to tell your brother because you not wanting him to move out isn’t your only reason of telling him about this. If he was happy and she was a great girl I’m sure you’d still want him to stay and live the bachelor life but you would bite your tongue and be happy for him. Good luck man..shitty situation.
The chick was drunk.
We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

The chick was drunk.
We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

"my wife cheats on me, but only when she’s drunk so its okay"

"my husband beats me, but only when he’s drunk so its okay"

"I shot Marvin in the head, but I was drunk so its okay"

The chick was drunk.
We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

The fact that she was drunk makes this whole thing worse.

This is information his brother must find out sooner rather than later.

The chick was drunk.
We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

what a hilarious response
Well, my brother is staying at hers tonight… again. He left a note on the refridgerator..The thing is he NEVER stays on Tuesday nights, I have a feeling that she’s inviting him up to keep him out of my way? Or, worse yet, to tell "her side" of the story.

I was fully prepared for telling him when I came in…

I agree that being drunk is not an excuse, if she is willing to go that far with me, then she is willing to go just as far with someone else. My brother trusts her enough for her to go out with her friends quite a lot, she’d have plenty of opportunities to do it else where.
Stilgar

The chick was drunk.

We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

"Hey S, your fiance just tried to seduce me for the 2nd time… Wait, what do you mean I should have told you the first time?"

I appreciate your thoughts though!

The chick was drunk.
We all do things we regret when we are drunk.

Pull her aside and tell her that under no uncertain terms that is the last time she will act that way around you. If she ever does it again you are going to tell your brother.

Then just leave it the hell alone.
We all do stupid shit when we are drunk.

at least it was with a family member THIS time, instead of a stranger

Well, my brother is staying at hers tonight… again. He left a note on the refridgerator..The thing is he NEVER stays on Tuesday nights, I have a feeling that she’s inviting him up to keep him out of my way? Or, worse yet, to tell "her side" of the story.

I was fully prepared for telling him when I came in…

I agree that being drunk is not an excuse, if she is willing to go that far with me, then she is willing to go just as far with someone else. My brother trusts her enough for her to go out with her friends quite a lot, she’d have plenty of opportunities to do it else where.

My suggestion?

Leave him a note on the fridge saying you’d really like to talk to him about something. Maybe he’ll at least make the time to come homeand send a second with you then so you can tell him face to face. Act concerned and not angry, it shouldn’t be a stretch because it’s obvious concerned for him.

Keeping it inside the family ftw!

Exactly.

When he got back together with his now-fiance, I was genuinely happy for him… even though I did lose my "wingman". He admits himself he wished he could have lived the bachelor’s life with me a little longer because he was having a great time. Guess you can’t choose when you fall in love!
So you have told him face to face about the situation before she got to, right?

I haven’t saw him since Saturday… for all I know she’s telling him I seduced her right now.

Whoa whoa wait..they broke up before they got engaged?

then when he does arrive face to face with you, show him this thread. show him the date you posted it, ect. it will be good evidence for you.

They broke up last April/May for nearly 4 months… seemingly she wasn’t ready for such a commitment. But I’m guessing there may have a been another catalyst. I briefly mentioned this in my first post…

And chucklenut, I wouldn’t be too eager to show him this thread unless i was in serious desperation!

Yep. Even more than ever this now makes a lot more sense. She’s still not ready for a commitment. Tell your brother soon. You don’t need to show him this thread, just have a man to man talk. Tell him you need to talk to him very soon. He needs to know that you need to see him.

They broke up last April/May for nearly 4 months… seemingly she wasn’t ready for such a commitment. But I’m guessing there may have a been another catalyst. I briefly mentioned this in my first post…

And chucklenut, I wouldn’t be too eager to show him this thread unless i was in serious desperation!

yea i wouldnt either….
even though I HATE THE DELAY! I respect the fact that you have NOT Done this with a LAME ASS PHONE CALL.

Serious shit ALWAYS deserves the respect of a face to face meeting.

yea i wouldnt either….
even though I HATE THE DELAY! I respect the fact that you have NOT Done this with a LAME ASS PHONE CALL.

Serious shit ALWAYS deserves the respect of a face to face meeting.

Goodluck man, that first page alone had some gold advice, I’d hate to just repeat anyone.

Kinda jealous of you that you are so close to your brother but not jealous of the situation
I can’t believe you even hesitated. I’d be in his fucking room the second it happened.
Sorry, I live in the UK, so when I posted "He was staying at hers", it was already 7pm or so! It’s currently 8.30am, we have at least 10 hours to wait…

Yuppy, you’re not the only one who’s hating that this is going on so long! A phone call is a great idea though! Hell maybe a text "Hi, ur fiance wntd 2 hv sx w/me." Anyone who delivers this kind of news over a phone is an asshole.

NJmax, pics of you? Haha, I was waiting on that, then I realised it wasn’t offtopic.
yea i mean, idk who it was, but there was a thread where this guy was mad at someone for i think calling his gf, and i couldnt believe he just handled that over the phone instead of in person…..
Dude…

You should have been waking your brother up to tell him, becuase SHE will make it out to sound like YOU are the bad guy

The last thing you want is your brother to think you’re the one trying to bonk her!
… awaiting patiently for how it’s going o.o
hopefully update will be good?
LONG POST AHEAD!

Wow. So there was A LOT less drama than I anticipated…

First and foremost, I admit, I was literally crapping myself when I was about to tell him… the first syllable just wouldn’t come out, but once I managed a whimper, I managed to continue it.

I called him into the living room and told him, "S, I have to tell you something… On Saturday night after everyone had went to bed, your fiance tried to coax me into having sex with her." I explained how she got onto my lap and how I actually had to throw her off me. I also explained how she was really drunk, but at the same time he was lucky that I was who I was, or I could have went all the way.

Beyond a few strained and pained looks as I told the story, his head went down and he let me finish as I told him what was said and what I thought.

Here’s the kicker… SHE ALREADY TOLD HIM. And here’s the 2nd kicker, she seemingly told him the truth, unfuckingbelievably, esp after what you guys were saying (and what I was thinking). My brother’s words, "She told me what she did and what she said, she says she was really drunk and that it was completely out of character for her (according to her) and she doesn’t know WTF she was thinking and that she was really sorry." She even said she felt like a bitch for putting me into such a bad position and that she won’t be able to look me in the eye for ruining mine and her relationship (purely platonic friends) and potentially getting in the way of my bro and I.

MOST importantly to me, my brother said that he loved me and respected me more than ever for telling him and he knows that it was hard thing for me to do. He said he knows that I only ever have the best intentions for him.

I asked what he and her were going to do and he said they were going to try to work through it. He says it does sting knowing that she tried to have sex with me, but he’s going to believe that it was a stupid, drunken mistake on her part. He realises that he’ll need to be careful, but at the minute things are just too deep to walk away (marriage date set, house currently being built, family holiday planned and the fact he loves her). His voice was beginning to break as he told me his thoughts and plans for the future… I think we were this close >< from becoming a semi-gay tear-fest.

He’s also pissed off because her and I were good friends and that it will naturally be awkward to be around one another… He’s going to try to acommodate me in not having her around here so much while I’m around, not for a while anyway.

I’m glad she told him, but I wouldn’t go as far to say she has redeemed herself because she probably believed her hand was forced and that I would have told him anyway. But needless to say, I am thankful she did, because I think that’s why my brother’s and mine’s relationship isn’t going to be too affected, despite my worst fears. In saying that, I am worried that subconsciously, it’ll be held against me in some form… Not because that’s the kind of guy my brother is, but because some people’s minds just work that way.

I know this isn’t the flashpoint of drama that you all (and I) thought (or hoped, for as some of you probably did) it would be, but I think things have turned out for the best, in the short term. I just hope my brother doesn’t learn a harsh lesson in the future.

Anyway, thanks to everyone in the asylum for your advice and your thoughts. I promise I won’t bother you with my problems again anytime soon and let’s hope they’re not so soap-opera like this!

If you’ve any questions, feel free to hit me with them.
I’d imagine the only reason she told him is because you shot her down and she knew you’d tell him, but I’m very untrusting of anyone who cheats.
more or less its not completely unexpected…i knew he was going to have heard some part of the story……

yea that sucks. if my gf ever tried doing that it would be harder to get past if they did it with someone i knew than if they did it with a stranger… for one reason

pride. my sense of dignity would be hurt knowing that they know what kind of woman she is. You need to start recruiting a team of women to meet your brother! he prollly hasnt left her yet kuz its hard to meet new people (or a lot of work!)
I would tend to agree, OnSight.

I’ve told him to keep her on a short leash, especially when she is drinking… He said they’ve already discussed it and she’ll cut down, or won’t drink at it all. She has a lot to do before he, or I, will fully trust her again.

We haven’t discussed the best man situation yet… Fuck, I was looking forward to being the cool best man who ends up banging the hot bridesmaid… unless, Wedding Crashers has lied to me and women aren’t as up for it as they say! It feels good to joke without too much weight on my shoulders.

Yuppy:

My pride and ego would be bruised, hell, torn apart too. And I know for sure his is.
When I was younger I was confronted by two guys who I know I could have taken in a fight, but because I was out with my gf I played Mr Cool and talked my way out of it and wouldn’t rise to the baits. For at least a week I was infuriated because I didn’t teach those two a lesson. That’s a small, insignificant event, yet my ego/pride hurt like a bitch.

About recruiting a hareem of women, I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to go back to biting my tongue and hoping he’s happy… I’ve said my piece to him and gave him the facts, but it’s all up to him now!

Yuppy:

My pride and ego would be bruised, hell, torn apart too. And I know for sure his is.
When I was younger I was confronted by two guys who I know I could have taken in a fight, but because I was out with my gf I played Mr Cool and talked my way out of it and wouldn’t rise to the baits. For at least a week I was infuriated because I didn’t teach those two a lesson. That’s a small, insignificant event, yet my ego/pride hurt like a bitch.

About recruiting a hareem of women, I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to go back to biting my tongue and hoping he’s happy… I’ve said my piece to him and gave him the facts, but it’s all up to him now!

absolutely, its not your place to say anything. i was just generally speaking…..
i’d tell your bro. if shes pulling this shit before she’s married. then obviously she’s not 100% ready for marriage….this is just going to end in a nasty divorce for your brother. he should save his time, money, and life….tell him
well, hopefully he will wisen up to the fact that having been hurt by her TWICE now should be a sign that she isn’t trustworthy.

I’d rant and rave some more, but there’s no point.

Good job on following through and telling him.

I know, I could have swore I gave the same face… I’m just hoping he doesn’t learn the hard way.

Bleed:

I did, hence the update.

Matt:

I don’t see it happening. I think if she hadn’t told him first, things would be different. But, from his POV, it seems there is hope because she had been so honest… whether or not he realises her hand may have been forced, I don’t know.
… your brother reminds me of a song.

Anyway; I would seriously consider not even marrying her even if the house is being built. What if she does it again during the marriage, and once we get divorced, she’s going to want the house that she didn’t put money into? That would just be a sucky ass situation.

He can’t trust her to be alone with anyone again. It’s your duty as his brother to tell him he’s marrying a slut.

edit: @ your brother buying her bullshit… some people never learn

maybe in 6 months when he’s getting divorced and owes her half his shit he’ll think "I should have listened to my brother"

but at the minute things are just too deep to walk away (marriage date set, house currently being built, family holiday planned and the fact he loves her).

if there was ever a time to walk away this is it. It’s only going to get worse from here on out.
She’s basically telling him that she might cheat on him when they’re married and if she does well he should have seen it coming. There’s only two ways that he can spin this around into his favor. One is to leave her and the other is to double team her with you. Otherwise it would drive me crazy to know that my fiancee/wife wants to fuck my brother.
Good for you for telling your bro and I’m glad it worked out better than you expected. It’s hard to do those kinds of things but I think it will be better in the long run.

Your bro is in the marriage momentum phase and it’s incredibly hard to stop all that momentum. However, progressing through the ceremony with all these doubts isn’t advisable either. It’s his choice but I’d dump her ass….at least post pone the wedding and let these feelings die down.

Oh and don’t worry about bringing more problems in here. Hell that’s what this sub forum is all about. I would hope that no one thinks….man, I’ve already dumped so much shit on the Asylum I just can’t dump anymore.. Fuck that….dump away.

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