LONG story short. Ex-gf called me last night, pretty much verbally abused me again (3rd time in 9 months) and I did nothing to warrant it other than be nice and do her a favor. She felt like I was trying to indirectly become more than just friends with her. (if you want the full story, PM me)

So, now, she feels uncomfortable hanging around me alone and said she is always reluctant to do so. Made me feel like she thought I was a creep. She backed out of a game I got tickets for us to go together to, so now I’m left with extra ticket (which I might ask this girl to go with me after our first date on Monday, have to see).

So, since she is so uncomfortable seeing me, now I am uncomfortable seeing her, knowing where she stands with things between us. Unfortunately, we have mutual friends. Should I e-mail these mutual friends and warn them that if she is around when we all hang out, I may opt not to hang around them because 1.) I now feel uncomfortable and 2.) I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me around.

Basically, things got messy.

Just because you two have mutual friends doesn’t mean that you should stop hanging out with them just because she’s there. So what if she’s a drama queen? You don’t have to feed the attention whore all the attention she wants. Forget about her already, and you might as well stop being friends with her.

Her saying/doing this to you (the calling you up, and etc) is kind of childish. What type of person calls you up and verbally abuse you and then make you feel like you’re being a total fucking creep?

You should lay it out to her like this: "I respect that you don’t want to be alone with me but don’t expect me to stop hanging around with my friends."

You shouldn’t have to give up your friends when she’s being a total dick about the situation. Especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.

I think more then anything, you’re the one that’s uncomfortable seeing her as she only mentioned that she doesn’t want to be alone with you. You can kind of imply that if she doesn’t’ want to be alone with you and you two are with mutual friends then she probably won’t be alone with you and tag along with someone else when it comes down to it.
I hear ya on that one. I really don’t want to distance myself from my friends, but I am afraid I might have to. My friend’s gf, is best friends with my ex-gf, she always pressured her to go back out with me.. which pushed her away more. So, she would pressure me to go out with her other friend, which I had no attraction to.

It’s not that I should distance myself from them, I’m afraid I *need* to do this. It sucks, but ex-gf already brought up situations like "what if we all hung out and I had a bf" and I just told her my feelings were still there, I would feel uncomfortable.

By the way, she was looking for me to be the "friend" type, the guy who she can go to and tell all her stories about hooking up with guys and me to do vice versa. I don’t want that, nor do I think single girls should share any of those stories with me. What’s her business, is her business and what my business, is my business.
You don’t have to distance yourself from your friends just to distance yourself from her batshitcrazyness.

What she said.

And then you should tell her that you don’t want to be the guy who’s being her girlfriend.

Like I said, there’s no need for you to not have friends because some of your friends are hers too. Not only that, her friends are your friends only by proxy.
Yeah your friends should always be your friends no matter what she does. Don’t sell them out because shes acting childish just put it aside and go hang out and not worry about it. I know how it feels to have feelings for someone after the breakup but you can’t let it dictate whether you see your friends or not. Eventually you’ll have to deal with her having a new boyfriend. So just except that now and move on with life.
This is HER issue – she’s uncomfortable seeing you, not the other way around. If it makes her uncomfortable, she should be the one to leave/not hang out, not you.
The fact that she asked you "what would you do if we all hung out and I had a bf" is just another way for her to be a bitchyass drama queen about this and give herself ammo to be more so in the future (now that she knows this would make you uncomfortable, and know she’s a bitch, what do you think she’s gonna do?).
As everyone else said, tell her straight up youre not up for being that "friend" she needs, but if you’re around each other w/ your other friends, thats cool and you’re not going to be the one to leave – even if she’s got a new bf with her or whatever.

HATE it, I ran into my ex because his friend was talking to my friend… long story short, he didnt have the balls to stay at the bar with us and left? Now both the guys are pissed at me? … mutual friends, chill, dont get close but dont be a total dick either.
I think the worst part about all of this, is the fact that yesterday, everything was going so positive for me. Anything and everything I was doing, was just positive thinking. I sat there and said "I want to focus on all my positives now and bring in that positive energy towards me"

Heck, I even decided to myself "ok, I can sense she is being distant towards me, let me cool it with her and keep away for two weeks so we have no nonsense going up to this game." Then she hit me with all of this yesterday by calling me. I debated on calling her back, because she left me a message while I was on the phone, and I guess I didn’t listen to my better judgement.

And, for those of you who say "don’t let yourself stop hanging out with your friends", thanks. Unfortunately, I’ve been through all of this before and it’s always the same result. Me getting hurt, frustrated, and watching the girl walk off into the sunset with some other guy. Personally, I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t mean to punish my friends, but I think my decision is as stands.. I’ll hang out with them as long as they don’t plan on asking her to hang around with us. If they ask her, I will just back away. Maybe I’m not mature enough to deal with it or maybe I dealt with it one too many times already that I don’t want to deal with it again.

Thanks for all your support!

Keeping yourself away from your friends is not the solution to you having to "watch the girl walk of into the sunset…" That’s just treating the sypmtoms, not the problem. Obviously (since you reference that this isnt the 1st time) you have a problem with girls/relationships/something and until you fix that this will keep happening.

How are your friends reacting to this? Personally, I’d be pissed at both of you (you and your ex) for making me "choose" who I wanted to hang out with. Thats so rediculous. However, if I did have to "choose" between friends in a situation like this, anyone that was a good friend to you would choose you over some crazy bitch who is doing crap to hurt you and purposely make you feel uncomfortable.

Think about it this way: you’ve gotten dumped (or gone through a bad break-up) and now you’re going to miss hanging out with your friends too? Way to pour salt in your own wound. You say you’re trying to save yourself from the hurt of seeing her, but being away from your friends hurts too. Why are you trying to hurt yourself more here?

Yeah, I know what my problems are with girls/relationships, etc. It’s that I treat them waaaaay too nice. I do things for them, even when they aren’t my gf. It’s always been my problem. But I try to do things that are fun to do, so I can entertain myself and someone else as well.

I haven’t brought up any of this with my friends yet, I am trying to keep them out of our business right now. I don’t really want to drag them into it. I guess I’ll have to be the more grown up about this, rather than like some bitch that is 6 1/2 years younger than me get the best of me, because she still doesn’t know how to act mature.
You need to start ignoring her, like she frequently does to you according to your previous posts.
Rangerfan, stop freindzoning girls before you try to date them and this stuff won’t fucking happen. It’s that simple. It’s mature, too.
To put it bluntly:

Why are you letting her manipulate you like this??

If you want to hang out with your friends, then do it. If she happens to be there and "feels uncomfortable" around you, that’s HER problem to deal with, not yours.

Yes, avoiding someone/something can be a solution to a problem, but it should be the person who has the problem removing them from the situation, not the person with the problem making someone else leave.
She’s your EX.

Are you still hitting it?
Hey guys and gals,
I just want to thank you all for your support in this issue. I’ve had a few days to cool off and within those few days, I have decided I had 3 options:

1.) Talk to her either on phone or in person, and try to diffuse the situation by explaining I know how she feels (or doesn’t feel) about our situation as friends and to try and continue to remain friends, as things were really good in that aspect between us the past 4 months.

2.) E-mail her friend, my friend’s gf, to try and get her to talk some sense into her and help repair whatever it is we might have.

3.) Ignore the situation, don’t contact her or get anyone else involved in it. Hope one day she will realize what a great opportunity she missed out on to be with someone who cared about her, but focus my time and energy on someone who will appreciate it (fyi, I have a date on Monday, wish me luck. She’s already flaked on me twice already before even meeting her).

I thought about the repurcussions this can all have:

1.) While this might be a mature thing to do, 4 months down the line, I’m afraid we might have this same conversation. Ironically enough, these conversations always come when she sees her "best friend" from another country.

2.) This will just cause drama, and will force my friends to choose eventually. I know they will choose her, because it’s just the way things go with me. No matter how good I treat someone, I’m always the bad guy in the end and friends stick with each other. Thankfully, though, my friends are kind enough to recognize our issues and keep us seperated until they feel it’s ok for either of us to be in the same room together. Also, I would rather not get our friends involved in our problems.

3.) This is the option I am going with. I can see no harm in this one. A good female friend of mine made me see that I have lots of traits and qualities I can offer a girl and I need to be sure I offer it to the right one, not someone who doesn’t appreciate the things I do. It will eliminate a lot of drama in my life and relieve a lot of stress. And hey, if she does come around one day, then great, but I hardly give a third chance to someone. If I see her, I won’t even act like a friend, but I will be civil towards her.

I think I said enough and thanks!

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