my bf wants to breakup every time hes stressed.

i have been dating this guy for 2 months and we both are really into eachothe. the problem is that when my boy friend gets stressed or annoyed with me he suggests to end the relationship. hes done it twice in a span of two months. the first time he reacted this way he was drunk. i cried and he said it said it out of frustration and wants to get back.

the second time was yesterday and he said how hes sorry and said it out of frustration and cannot even imagine ending it.

we both like eachother a lot and his impluses are leaving me stressed. i dont know what is the right way to react .

i spoke to him about his behaviour and he says he does it out of frustration and will not do it again…….should i believe him..i just dont know how to handle the situtation and not be a doormat.
Call his bluff and don’t talk to him for a month… If you end up getting back together, he will think twice about acting so childish again.

The fact that you took him back so easily justifies that this is ok to do in his mind. Personally, I wouldn’t put up with this… I’d just drop the relationship – especially after only 2 months.
He is throwing a tantrum because he doesnt get his way. Confront him on it or get rid of him.
Things are making him stressed you need to find out by asking him what is stressing him, and make sure those factors leave out of the relationship. Don’t give in to the blackmail, say he needs to talk about the things that bother him, instead of running away each and every time as a coward from everything that stresses him.

Call his bluff and don’t talk to him for a month… If you end up getting back together, he will think twice about acting so childish again.

The fact that you took him back so easily justifies that this is ok to do in his mind. Personally, I wouldn’t put up with this… I’d just drop the relationship – especially after only 2 months.

I agree….2 months and you’ve been through that crap twice all ready? IMO, the relationship could get uglier, I would move on if I were you.
i was kinda like that with someone.

whenever i got a little drunk, i didn’t want the relationship.

i figure people’s true feelings come out when they’re drunk anyway.

i’m sure you can do better. you’re 18, pretty much the whole world wants you.
The relationship is not going to work if he keeps doing this.

If he does it again, talk to him, if he doesn’t want to listen or tell you what the hell is with him, then YOU break up. You’re no puppet for him to play with your feelings.

i have been dating this guy for 2 months and we both are really into eachothe. the problem is that when my boy friend gets stressed or annoyed with me he suggests to end the relationship. hes done it twice in a span of two months. the first time he reacted this way he was drunk. i cried and he said it said it out of frustration and wants to get back.

the second time was yesterday and he said how hes sorry and said it out of frustration and cannot even imagine ending it.

we both like eachother a lot and his impluses are leaving me stressed. i dont know what is the right way to react .

i spoke to him about his behaviour and he says he does it out of frustration and will not do it again…….should i believe him..i just dont know how to handle the situtation and not be a doormat.

When someone says something like this, expect it to happen. It’s a major red flag and a sign of severe cracks in the foundation of the relationship.

The relationship will fail, but you don’t have to lose your self-respect in the process.

1: Never Go Back
2: He hasn’t changed.
3: You’re going to get hurt somemore.

I’m not sure you’ll understand what I’m saying, but for your sake I hope you take this wisdom to heart.
My guess is he’s doing it because he’s projecting his frustrations about other stuff onto the relationship itself. Maybe he expects you to help him deal with his frustration, or maybe he doesn’t want to deal with the real cause so he’s finding something else to blame. Neither reason is promising; he needs to spill his guts and explain exactly what he’s frustrated about and why he keeps bringing it home to you. Until then, no progress can be made.
well he came to see me the other day and tried to explain himself. he says hes having family issues .well he does not really have a family and said when hes frustrated he deals with me as he would with his family…

I’m not trying to laugh at you, just laughing at the bullshit people spew and those who are willing to believe it.

Sweetie, whenever someone threatens to break up more than once this early in a relationship it’s their conscience screaming out ""

Simple as that. When someone loves you they are willing to work through differences and persevere…not call it quits over bullshit petty issues.

Get some respect for yourself. I know you are young and you lost your virginity to this guy recently, but chalk it up to experience and find a guy who won’t make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around him to keep your relationship together.
^^ I don’t know why you are mentioning love when they have been dating for 2 months. That’s a bit fast for that don’t ya think?

I’m assuming you are talking to me. And yes, 2 months (IMO) is way too fast to be saying those kinds of feelings. My point in clarifying he’s not in love is because I’m willing to bet you anything even though she didn’t mention it she’s already thinking she’s in love and/or they’ve said it.
ok to clarify. i am not in love nor is he. we have been officially dating since jan but were involved since last august. he and i spend a lot of time together since we both live on campus. him and i very good friends and wish to continue that along with the benefits of dating.
I did not read everyones responses but sadly I have done this with my wife on numerous occasions and now it has finally bit me because she left.

did you really mean it when you did it?
Sounds like his childhood sucked, and he wasn’t appreciated or respected by his family, and he had to resort to doing the "worst thing" to get "his way." Ya know, when your mom won’t buy you the new toy everyone wants, you threaten to run away, or kill yourself. You don’t mean it, but, you don’t know how to either A) not get your way, or B) get your way using adult means. i’d talk with him about you being an understanding person, and if things are bothering him, make him know you’ll do your best to work on things, or help him get through rough times, but he has to trust that you care about him and will help him without him threatening to leave. tell him its not needed.

even if he doesnt really mean to hurt you when he says or does those things, is that fair to you?

everyone gets stressed, and he may be taking his frustrations with life out on you because you are the closest person to him. every so often, it would be understandable and forgivable. but a couple times in 2 months sounds a little too extreme, and stressful for you in return.

as far as how you should react to him when he does this, if you decide to stay with him, i would just leave and give him space. if he is going to be a jerk, take yourself out of the situation so he cant do it towards you. dont see him or talk to him until he has cooled down. maybe then he will understand how much it is hurting and bothering you and he will work on improving his attitude

That’s his problem. He should see a therpaist if he’s that fucked up that he’s turning his GF into mommy, and using you as his emotional trash bin.

even if he doesnt really mean to hurt you when he says or does those things, is that fair to you?

everyone gets stressed, and he may be taking his frustrations with life out on you because you are the closest person to him. every so often, it would be understandable and forgivable. but a couple times in 2 months sounds a little too extreme, and stressful for you in return.

as far as how you should react to him when he does this, if you decide to stay with him, i would just leave and give him space. if he is going to be a jerk, take yourself out of the situation so he cant do it towards you. dont see him or talk to him until he has cooled down. maybe then he will understand how much it is hurting and bothering you and he will work on improving his attitude

.
Usually, when someone brings up breaking up every time they have a fight, but not ever actually do it, it means they are trying to get the other person to break up with them.

My response would be: "Listen, if you’re not adult enough to handle conflicts in a mature fashion, and think breaking up is the only option, we’re done. I’m not going to be with someone who jumps to extremes that quickly".

You’ve only been with this guy two months. It’s the honeymoon phase, the fact that you are having lots of fights and him jumping to "we should break up" is NOT a good sign.

No, it was meant as a scare tactic. But cry wolf one too many times and its not believed.

After reflecting on myself and my actions I did it because I was / am insecure and had problems of my own that I took out on her. Talk through it if he means anything to you because before you know it its gone.

You may think that you are good friends but I don’t think that he sees your relationship the same way. In fact, I don’t think he likes you much at all.

Oh I know….I’m an idiot and I don’t know "the real him" or that I’m not able to see you together and if I could only see how you are around each other, then I would understand.

Wrong.

I don’t put much faith in what people say – I put my faith in their actions. Why? Because talk is cheap. It’s easy to be friendly when times are good….hell even an enemy can be somewhat friendly when times are good. So fucking what…..that’s easy. I want friends to be my friends when it’s difficult to be my friend….that’s how I know I have a real friend.

It seems like you really like this guy. I don’t think he feels the same, even if he says he does. I would suggest you move on and find someone that will like you for you.

Tell someone to go away long enough and they’ll eventually listen to you.
The real problem here, that everyone loves to ignore, is…

You don’t have enough life experience to have a good perspective on things. People love to react harshly against advice that essentially tells people to "grow up", but often that is the best advice.

Really, all people mean by that is that you are acting like a kid, which of course you are at only 18 years old. Of course, you can’t help acting like a kid, and there is no cure for it other than to wait and mature, gain experience and know what to do.

Here, in this specific situation, you should have just gently broke up with him after his first temper tantrum. That’s how you avoid being a doormat, by excluding people from your life who treat you badly. Especially people you JUST met.

In other words, grow up, kid.
I’m glad people are focusing on the point at hand and moving on from that psychobabblebullshit about his family dynamic.

The fact of he matter is if he really cared about her he wouldn’t jump to "we’re breaking up!" every time an issue arises. Move on.

You’re only 18 years old and have a lot to learn from relationships. Remember this in your future and how to avoid it, unless you want to be a submissive doormat for eternity.

I’m not trying to laugh at you, just laughing at the bullshit people spew and those who are willing to believe it.

Sweetie, whenever someone threatens to break up more than once this early in a relationship it’s their conscience screaming out ""

Simple as that. When someone loves you they are willing to work through differences and persevere…not call it quits over bullshit petty issues.

Get some respect for yourself. I know you are young and you lost your virginity to this guy recently, but chalk it up to experience and find a guy who won’t make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around him to keep your relationship together.

I don’t think that’s accurate. It’s entirely possible he’s pre-emptively derailing the relationship because he’s afraid if she knew what he was really like when he’s angry, she’d dump him anyway. Doing it himself is less painful for him than trusting her and being let down.

I’ve seen it more than once.

Now, I’m not saying she should try to save him from himself, but if she can get him to trust her with his problems, and not assume she’ll react the worst way possible, then he might calm down a lot and be a decent person to be with. It’s her call to make, though.

Yep, that happened.

I don’t think that’s accurate. It’s entirely possible he’s pre-emptively derailing the relationship because he’s afraid if she knew what he was really like when he’s angry, she’d dump him anyway. Doing it himself is less painful for him than trusting her and being let down.

I’ve seen it more than once.

Now, I’m not saying she should try to save him from himself, but if she can get him to trust her with his problems, and not assume she’ll react the worst way possible, then he might calm down a lot and be a decent person to be with. It’s her call to make, though.

To hell with that. I get into relationships to enjoy and be enjoyed, not to comfort someone with a wounded inner child who has trust issues and needs a mommy or daddy to pat their back and tell them it’s going to be ok.

He can go to therapy if he wants a therapist. If he wants to throw temper tantrums, he can punch the walls in his own place and yell at a mirror.

No, it was meant as a scare tactic. But cry wolf one too many times and its not believed.

After reflecting on myself and my actions I did it because I was / am insecure and had problems of my own that I took out on her. Talk through it if he means anything to you because before you know it its gone.

I can so relate to this. I had a really,really hot relationship end today, because I walked away one too many times.

So this time when I came back with a clear head, he walked away for good.

To hell with that. I get into relationships to enjoy and be enjoyed, not to comfort someone with a wounded inner child who has trust issues and needs a mommy or daddy to pat their back and tell them it’s going to be ok.

He can go to therapy if he wants a therapist. If he wants to throw temper tantrums, he can punch the walls in his own place and yell at a mirror.

the more I see you post, the more I realize how much of this stuff I totally agree with you.
Don’t sit around and expect this 22yo boy to grow up. Don’t expect him to change and don’t think you are the person that is going to turn his life around. Quite frankly, plenty of guys play this angle in a relationship. Leave his ass.

You learn alot about a person and your relationship with them when they are tested. He isn’t even being tested and he is already unreliable.
The alcohol did all the talking it needed to dear. Those words laid in his infra conscious, and when he got drunk he unveiled his potential for putting up with the stress. The second time was just a second warning.

Is this unconditional love? If he cracks up over so little, will he honestly make the long run? Some times we like to think so, however it is not often this is the case.

I would expect him to break up with you, and if he is too sublime to do that, he will cheat on you and then break up with you.

Those are expectations. Not sure, set in stone, however he can barely control his tounge, and you must have set expectations rather then optimistically hide your worse fears for inevitability.

Blunders in speech are wise to note, as people talk WAY TOO MUCH. They unveil everything to you, or too little, the person who is observant of what is said or left unsaid hears it either way.

Take this as a keynote of preparation. I encourage sinking with the ship, and in my last relationship, I let it crumble instead of breaking it off. It hurt a lot, however I was able to witness it happen as I felt it would, and in the end I ended up a lot wiser from the whole ordeal. In breaking up with him, you avoid a lot of pain, but you also avoid a lot of knowledge without experiencing it. Watch how a man cracks under pressure, and see the defects they have. Observe your own defects in difficult times, see what you bring to the table.

I am thinking through his eyes here, I’ve been to a breaking point many times like that. It is often caused by frustration. What may you do to frustrate him?

It is more important to study yourself as opposed to studying him so well. That is where you discover where you fit in, in this picture. This is where you can discover your defects. If we see ourselves for who we really are, we will see ourselves for fools. If he could only see himself as you see him, he would pick up on all his mistakes. But he has not worked on himself like that, so you can pick up on it as early warning signals of an unstable partner, or at least we sure can. Pick up your early warning signs, your pinpricks you bring to the table.

To hell with that. I get into relationships to enjoy and be enjoyed, not to comfort someone with a wounded inner child who has trust issues and needs a mommy or daddy to pat their back and tell them it’s going to be ok.

He can go to therapy if he wants a therapist. If he wants to throw temper tantrums, he can punch the walls in his own place and yell at a mirror.

Part of your responsibilities as a participating member in a relationship is to provide therapy when needed, as long as it doesn’t get abused. It’s not all about you.

Again, I’m not saying she should slave away tirelessly to save him, but if all he needs is to know he can trust her, then she should make it clear to him that that’s the case.

Sure. He makes it easy to justify being a self-centered asshole.

If the person has problems as significant as this girls boyfriend, then they need to see a therapist, because I would not tolerate or accept being mistreated, nor would anyone else here who is the least bit psychologically healthy. A person behaving this way this early in a relationship is a dire bloody red flag signaling danger ahead.

Again, I’m not saying she should slave away tirelessly to save him, but if all he needs is to know he can trust her, then she should make it clear to him that that’s the case.

It’s never as simple as trust when someone behaves this way. You can’t make someone trust you by telling them to trust you. Healthy people aren’t this distrustful right off the bat, they may keep their gaurd up a little be as they feel the person out. They’d be patient and gradually become open as the person proves themselves over time, but they don’t shut people out.

If you don’t focus on what’s in your best interest, and you place yourself in situations which undermine your quality of life and happiness, such as letting someone mistreat you in a relationship, then that’s being naive and foolish.

A person who focuses on themselves, and takes care of their needs first has the ability to then give abundantly. If you focus on everyone else, and put everyone before you, you end up hurting them and everyone else around you because then you don’t have the resources to give, whether that be listening to them, loving them, doing nice things for them, or being understanding or compassionate. You can’t give what you don’t have, and you won’t have any of those things if you compromise and sacrifice yourself by continuing in relationships like this girl is in.

An Asshole? No. Self-Centered? Yes and No…I’m self centered. Not in the sense that the world has to revolve around me, but I look to what will be best for myself first.

If I were in this situation, had a gf that brought up breaking up every time a little thing came up, I would just end the relationship. Especially if it had only been a casual, short (two months) relationship. It’s not my job to make someone grow up, to help them fix their problems. I can be SUPPORTIVE, but the actual DESIRE to want to change and better themselves has to be in that person. If a person has severe issues, it’s not my job to fix them…it’s that person’s job to find a way or support system (ie, probably some professional help) to fix them.

I’m not going to CONSISTENTLY sacrifice my time/energy/happiness to deal with someone else’s problems.

I’ll give an example. I used to have a friend that I would talk to/hang out with regularly. After a few months, we stopped hanging out as much, but still chatted online. I’d occasionally try to initiate conversations, chat with her, but she would be slow to respond or distant.

However, she’d IM me all the time. Mainly about problems she was having in her relationships. I’d be the super supportive nice guy, listen to her, reassure her, etc. But surprisingly, when I would try to IM her fr advice/venting about concerns, she wouldn’t IM me back.

It became clear she was only talking to me when SHE needed to. I decided, fuck this, I’m not gonna chat with someone who only uses me to make herself feel better. I stopped chatting with her. The next time she IMed me, I told her "I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to listen to your problems. I see you complain all the time, but you never DO anything about it".

Finally…I’m fair. Yes, I may seem self-centered in your eyes, but I expect other people to be the same way.

Any standards/requirements I have for a relationship, I expect a woman to have just as many valid standards/requirements.

The OP’s bf is 18. If he’s not ready to handle conflict maturely, it’s his issue to resolve, not hers. Ending the relationship may help open his eyes to the fact that he needs to do something differently.

Interesting way to go about it.

Oh please. Do you know how we dealt with problems before we invented psychologists? By helping each other instead.

The guy might need a professional, yeah. His problem might be too big for her to safely handle. But only she knows whether it’s that bad. You don’t.

It’s pretty easy to see we approach life from opposite ends of the spectrum. All I can say is I know firsthand that I know people for whom your approach is totally incorrect.

That works with women, yes. The problem is, it’s almost always a different reason why men do this sort of thing, and the same approach will not be the correct one.

If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, yes it is your job to help them grow and overcome their problems. The only question is how much help you can afford to give, and whether that amount is enough. You can’t force them to deal with their problems, no. But you can damn well be there to help if it’s productive to do so.

See above.

Then you will live a lonely life. What the hell do you think a relationship is? It’s not all sex and dating. There’s that whole richer/poorer, better/worse, sick/healthy thing going on, whether or not you formalize it.

I’ll give an example. I used to have a friend that I would talk to/hang out with regularly. After a few months, we stopped hanging out as much, but still chatted online. I’d occasionally try to initiate conversations, chat with her, but she would be slow to respond or distant.

However, she’d IM me all the time. Mainly about problems she was having in her relationships. I’d be the super supportive nice guy, listen to her, reassure her, etc. But surprisingly, when I would try to IM her fr advice/venting about concerns, she wouldn’t IM me back.

It became clear she was only talking to me when SHE needed to. I decided, fuck this, I’m not gonna chat with someone who only uses me to make herself feel better. I stopped chatting with her. The next time she IMed me, I told her "I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to listen to your problems. I see you complain all the time, but you never DO anything about it".

Good job, you diagnosed and escaped from a one-sided relationship. You do realize that there’s a middle ground between being completely content with yourself vs. desperately needing someone else’s support all the time, right? It’s what’s called "give and take".

Oh, I completely agree. But I don’t think it’s to the point yet where breaking up with him is the appropriate thing to do.

We don’t live in a time where professional therapists don’t exist, just like we don’t live in a time when antibiotics don’t exist. If you have a big bacterial infection, you use antibiotics. When you have a partner threatening the things this young man is, you tell him to get professional help — assuming you value yourself.

The guy might need a professional, yeah. His problem might be too big for her to safely handle. But only she knows whether it’s that bad. You don’t.

And you don’t know that he doesn’t. She’s told us how bad it is, he has problems.

It’s pretty easy to see we approach life from opposite ends of the spectrum. All I can say is I know firsthand that I know people for whom your approach is totally incorrect.

You’re probably right, in-fact you are right. Different people need different things sometimes. Some need someone to listen, and some need to have someone kickstart them by being blunt. Some need advice, some don’t.

Oh please. Do you know how we dealt with problems before we invented psychologists? By helping each other instead.

The guy might need a professional, yeah. His problem might be too big for her to safely handle. But only she knows whether it’s that bad. You don’t.

It’s pretty easy to see we approach life from opposite ends of the spectrum. All I can say is I know firsthand that I know people for whom your approach is totally incorrect.

Not sure if you noticed but people dont raise their children anymore thus the children when they grow up dont care about anyone else.

That works with women, yes. The problem is, it’s almost always a different reason why men do this sort of thing, and the same approach will not be the correct one.

If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, yes it is your job to help them grow and overcome their problems. The only question is how much help you can afford to give, and whether that amount is enough. You can’t force them to deal with their problems, no. But you can damn well be there to help if it’s productive to do so.

See above.

Then you will live a lonely life. What the hell do you think a relationship is? It’s not all sex and dating. There’s that whole richer/poorer, better/worse, sick/healthy thing going on, whether or not you formalize it.

Good job, you diagnosed and escaped from a one-sided relationship. You do realize that there’s a middle ground between being completely content with yourself vs. desperately needing someone else’s support all the time, right? It’s what’s called "give and take".

Oh, I completely agree. But I don’t think it’s to the point yet where breaking up with him is the appropriate thing to do.

Here’s the thing. The TC’s bf is SHOWING that he’s NOT in a truly committed relationship. If you’re truly committed to someone one, you don’t resort to "We should break up" every time a little thing comes up.

An Asshole? No. Self-Centered? Yes and No…I’m self centered. Not in the sense that the world has to revolve around me, but I look to what will be best for myself first.

If I were in this situation, had a gf that brought up breaking up every time a little thing came up, I would just end the relationship. Especially if it had only been a casual, short (two months) relationship. It’s not my job to make someone grow up, to help them fix their problems. I can be SUPPORTIVE, but the actual DESIRE to want to change and better themselves has to be in that person. If a person has severe issues, it’s not my job to fix them…it’s that person’s job to find a way or support system (ie, probably some professional help) to fix them.

I’m not going to CONSISTENTLY sacrifice my time/energy/happiness to deal with someone else’s problems.

Why are you always looking out for your own best? Don’t you know you will never really be happy like that? I’ve tried 1000 times and I’ve never tricked myself into being happy, it was only by looking out for other people and helping them and looking out for them rather then myself do I have any worthwhile, memorable experiences that I can look back upon.

Everything I’ve done for myself has been pretty terrible. Everything I’ve bought for myself has not made me happy, it’s made me content. Kind of sick to think about it, a selfish me that would have been contrary if I did not get my expectations. Kind of gut wrenching.

Two months is too casual nowadays. There are too many girls with messed up problems and too many guys sick of helping them. Granted you could spend your life helping out messed up girls and still not be happy.

However we have to witness the lack of tounge control, people feel pressured and want to break up, because they have no idea how to RELATE.

That is what relationships are, about relating.

So if you break up every time a break up is considered, you are constantly ignoring that problem. You constantly don’t know why.

It would be better to get it over and done with and suffer through a girl like this, even if she does break up with you. What do you lose, your pride? Good. An ego breaker might be good in every human case. You will gain the experience of knowing the inconsistent girl from beginning to end, that is priceless, because then the constistant girls worth your time and money can be picked out like "snap". Then you can work on moderate to major break up issues, this is fundamental in creating the long lasting ultimate marriage.

Deal with the small fries, they are easy and will teach you about all their inconstancy. Observe yourself, how you react and respond to it, the tone of your voice, your breath, etc.

Then you would know that situation, and you wouldn’t have to "find out" after 2 months. That is just too long to waste your life.

You should get good to the point where they can only truly mess you over after 2 years. It should be able to get to the point where if they ever even think about it, they should regret the thought.

It should get to the point where they will go to a professional if they have thoughts of breaking up with you, el swave.

Yeah, I have noticed that.

Then she should go with him. What I read was about a problem in the relationship, not a problem in the guy. What has been her reaction? How do we know she didn’t instigate him getting that angry? Maybe the way she responds when he’s annoyed about something is totally inappropriate and it causes the situation to snowball.

I love that user name. I had to think about it for a moment, and I just thought of the look on the girlfriend’s face if I said that next to her.

Oh man, I would be kicked off the bed some hard.

We accept what people say here at face value, we’re not psychics.

Word. Put up a youtube instead of posting so we can hear your tone of voice and observe your body language. Word,
^^ lol..well i feel i ought to tell you the outcome of the situation that i had presented. my bf came back feeling sorry and regretfull. well we are now casually seeing eachother because i just cannot get over him instantly as there are aspects of his personality that are unbelievably awsome. nonetheless i have stepped back and am on my guard and have developed a certain dislike towards him. the way i am going i feel i will end up hating him pretty soon..which i am glad does not hurt as much.
i see hes trying to change. mind you i never suggested him to change for me or anything.
he says this situation has made him sure of his "strong feelings" towards me.
as for me i have turned a deaf ear to all that he says.

^^ lol..well i feel i ought to tell you the outcome of the situation that i had presented. my bf came back feeling sorry and regretfull. well we are now casually seeing eachother because i just cannot get over him instantly as there are aspects of his personality that are unbelievably awsome. nonetheless i have stepped back and am on my guard and have developed a certain dislike towards him. the way i am going i feel i will end up hating him pretty soon..which i am glad does not hurt as much.
i see hes trying to change. mind you i never suggested him to change for me or anything.
he says this situation has made him sure of his "strong feelings" towards me.
as for me i have turned a deaf ear to all that he says.

^^ lol..well i feel i ought to tell you the outcome of the situation that i had presented. my bf came back feeling sorry and regretfull. well we are now casually seeing eachother because i just cannot get over him instantly as there are aspects of his personality that are unbelievably awsome. nonetheless i have stepped back and am on my guard and have developed a certain dislike towards him. the way i am going i feel i will end up hating him pretty soon..which i am glad does not hurt as much.
i see hes trying to change. mind you i never suggested him to change for me or anything.
he says this situation has made him sure of his "strong feelings" towards me.
as for me i have turned a deaf ear to all that he says.

Good choice, it’s nice to see another woman with self esteem and who actually values herself here on the forums. Weak women who "keep going back" and saying "I love him. He said he’s sorry, he didn’t really mean to punch me in the face repeatedly" make me gag.
Is there no middle line between deaf ear and going back?

I prefer to keep relations open, even those that are not fruitful, as for some pathetic reason I may actually need to re-establish contact with them.

It’s like that receipt you can’t find, you have a lot of self interest in that person again in the future but since you ignored them, they will do you no favors.

Like for woman it’s either run and deafen yourselves or run towards him while he has his fist out to clock ya.

I dunno. I am a guy, I am probably going to agree that it is better to run. My counterparts are irrational asshoes

I never date a guy until I’ve seen him drunk. If he’s got a bad personality when he’s drunk, I don’t date him.

Way to go flowers! It’s difficult and and painful but I honestly believe you’re making the right choice. Good luck to you and keep us updated.

damn…that means you and I will never date.

im the same when im drunk…

oh noes
If his problems are already causing friction in a relationship he is not ready to be in one. You are not the problem but over time you will probably come to believe you are. His behaviour won’t change and you will soon be sick of ‘oops’ & ‘sorry’.

You should be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you shouldn’t have to try to make it work at that stage, you shouldn’t be fighting at all so early.

edit: oh dear, leave your laptop for a few minutes and you’re left so behind the times!
OP i’m very pleased with your responces
Sounds like he got into something he wasn’t ready for and wants out.

You are both young (you especially). Pack up and move on.

For christs’ sake you’re 18 and have your whole life ahead of you.
uh oh, just realized this is the guy you probably lost your virginity to, amirite?

honestly, it sucks, but my ex did the same. better off without it.
but, i mean, it might be diff in your case. all i know is it took me awhile before i realized (post breakup) how shitty it made me feel. he had so many issues i didnt see when we were together. he acted so obscenely about the breakup, and turned into the devil himself, seriously, nothing like the guy i had been practically living with.
its hard to allow yourself to see such an awful side of someone you really care about
looking into it the reason i still casually am seeing him is because hes such a support.especially these times when i am facing massive financial and academic issues. he always knows a way out of the mess i put myself in and manages to calm me. i am away from family and close friends….

but since his last outburst,,,,out of anger i keep telling him how my feeling for him have changed,, how i dont see us going far and how it would be ok for me now if we end it….my "bf" just does not seem to take it seriously.

looking into it the reason i still casually am seeing him is because hes such a support.especially these times when i am facing massive financial and academic issues. he always knows a way out of the mess i put myself in and manages to calm me. i am away from family and close friends….

but since his last outburst,,,,out of anger i keep telling him how my feeling for him have changed,, how i dont see us going far and how it would be ok for me now if we end it….my "bf" just does not seem to take it seriously.

jesus. You’d be better off just losing him entirely.

Either be in a relationship, or don’t. Don’t just use him casually.

"Massive financial and academic issues"? Yeah, definitely forget about a relationship right now and work on clearing up those big issues.

That tells me she didn’t really want a solution to the problem, she just wanted someone to listen. Which is fine, but she should have said so.

You can’t just accept what she says at face-value though. You have to ask questions about it, to get more relevant information. Whether or not she’s intentionally misleading anyone, she could still be honestly omitting something that’s important. Like everything that happens between him walking in the door and him saying they should break up, for instance.

You don’t know that. Yeah, he’s clearly got issues, but we know nothing about the OP other than those issues bother her. If she wants to leave, that’s justification enough to do so; if she wants to try to solve the problem, she will never be able to do so unless she can rationally consider the possibility that he’s completely normal and she’s causing the whole thing to go sour. That’s almost never the case, but it’s also almost never the case that he’s entirely to blame either.

You got me there.

I’d make an exception for you Coottie.

You got me there.

I’d make an exception for you Coottie.

awww

Sure you can. People don’t post here unless they want to say something, and when they say something, we read it and we go "Oh ok." We don’t go "Oh, I think this person’s lying, they’re suspect!"

You have to ask questions about it, to get more relevant information.

Of course you ask more questions, but not because you haven’t accepted what they originally said at face value, but rather to deepen your knowledge of the situation that they presented in their original earlier post(s)

Whether or not she’s intentionally misleading anyone, she could still be honestly omitting something that’s important. Like everything that happens between him walking in the door and him saying they should break up, for instance.

That’s not something we’re trained to handle on an internet forum, that’s for a therapist to handle. We’re here to provide emotional support and give advice based on our uneducated experience with emotional and psychological situations. Whatever information the OP gives, we must take it as it is. It may not be the truth, but we’re not detectives, psychics or here to interrogate people.

We ask questions, to get more details, not to confirm the person is hiding, omitting, lying, tricking, or playing with us.

She responded: Post #66 and post #54, but of which were after beer said we scared her off.
Flowers, listen to me very carefully. Run away. He’s no good, I was just with someone like that. Things will get worse if the both of you actually start to fall in love. Then his true insecurities will come out, you wont be able to go anywhere or have any other guys friends. It is very true that the way a guy treats his mother is exactly how he is going to treat you. If he is having family issues then I can only imagine how he talks to his mother. If you do end up breaking up with him don’t let him guilt you into taking him back. You don’t want to be with someone out of pity but because they make you happy not sad.

To hell with that. I get into relationships to enjoy and be enjoyed, not to comfort someone with a wounded inner child who has trust issues and needs a mommy or daddy to pat their back and tell them it’s going to be ok.

He can go to therapy if he wants a therapist. If he wants to throw temper tantrums, he can punch the walls in his own place and yell at a mirror.

I’ll remember to add "coming from and opinion based on my experiences" to the beginning of posts based on them in the future.

If that kind of friction and detatchment is present the relationship needs work and at the early stage of OP’s it simply should not, no matter who is at fault where.
It can be argued that no-one is ever entirely to blame for anything.

looking into it the reason i still casually am seeing him is because hes such a support.especially these times when i am facing massive financial and academic issues. he always knows a way out of the mess i put myself in and manages to calm me. i am away from family and close friends….

but since his last outburst,,,,out of anger i keep telling him how my feeling for him have changed,, how i dont see us going far and how it would be ok for me now if we end it….my "bf" just does not seem to take it seriously.

That’s exactly the sort of immaturity I was talking about earlier.

What he did was act like a jerk.

What you are doing is worse. Stringing a guy along when you have no real reason to stay with him other than selfish ones is a really shitty thing to do.

You kinda suck.

That’s exactly the sort of immaturity I was talking about earlier.

What he did was act like a jerk.

What you are doing is worse. Stringing a guy along when you have no real reason to stay with him other than selfish ones is a really shitty thing to do.

You kinda suck.

ofcourse i am going to be with a guy for selfish reasons…i am not only talking about him but any guy.. if i do not get anything out of the relationship whats the point of being in one..

Healthy relationships have two people who are both committed to making the other person happy. That’s what makes them healthy, and that’s what makes them last.

Unhealthy relationships consist of at least one person in the relationship who is only interested in their own needs, and only humours the other person when necessary. THAT, would be YOU, by the way.

Healthy relationships have two people who are both committed to making the other person happy. That’s what makes them healthy, and that’s what makes them last.

Unhealthy relationships consist of at least one person in the relationship who is only interested in their own needs, and only humours the other person when necessary. THAT, would be YOU, by the way.

you do kinda suck.
give him an ultimatum. kick his ass out if he ever says that shit again.

Why waste that time?

ultimatums=the end of a relationship

Just move on and learn from this.
Go find some new dick. There’s lots out there.

Next!
thread is still going on dump this fool now there really is better out there
Ultimatums are a waste of time. Don’t try to make someone change, instead make the decision for him, by leaving. After all you are the only one who can really decide.
that just means he dosnt give a jack shit about you dump him before you get hurt

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