WTF. Seriously? What is it with me and married men? He is such a good friend of mine and I wish he had never mentioned anything. His marriage is a little rocky so I think thats the only reason he said anything. He said that so many times he has told himself that he wishes we were together, should have met years ago, if he were with me he would take care of me etc etc. I love our friendship and I think this could ruin it.
Its possible that you being friends with him while he was married allowed him to fantasize about you. Have you two ever flirted? Do you spend a lot of time together? What does his wife think about the time you spend with her husband? Does she know?

We used to work together, thats how we met. I was still with my ex at the time so we were both in relationships so it was never more than friends we never flirted or anything. We never really hung out just the two of us there were always other people. we are alot alike I think thats why we got along so well. I’m really upset about this.

So you are saying you have no part in his feelings for you? Its obvious that the friendship has caused him to have feelings for you. Thats a huge sign he is causing the "trouble at home" to get away and be with you. Leave him alone so he can fix his relationship with his wife.
Article 12: Section 6, Apendix C. of the Man Law Charter.

In regards to women and friendship. A man can only be friends with a girl under these explicit guidelines.

A) The man does not find her attractive.

B) The man does not find her attractive when he’s drunk

C) The man is in a committed relationship with another woman whom he finds more attractive than said woman.

D) The man respects the womans significant other enough so as that he does not wish to engage in sexual congress with said woman.

E) Both the man and the woman understand that their relationship will never amount to anything more than sex. However this relationship falls more into the "Fuck Buddy" category. For definition of "Fuck buddy" See Article 12: Section 7.

Sounds to me like you violate rule A.

I don’t make the rules.

I just play by them

And if anyone argues with these, they are flat out lying to themselves.

Men + Women = Sex.

/first post in offtopic.com
Well the first mistake was ever believing you had a totally platonic relationship with a man.

For now, stay away from him.
break the marriage… live a little

sounds like his marriage is headed to splitsville sometime soon anyway.

HAHAH!
only kidding.

this friendship isnt worth kleeping if you feel turmoil.

I agree with this man…

good first post BTW…
all of your guy friends seem to fall for you. maybe you should take off the makeup and wear a fatsuit around them.
this is why girls shouldnt have male friends. guys think they have a chance and the girl just leads them on, even for a years!

a guy thinks of a girl as a REAL friend ONLY when he thinks the girl is ugly, or if the guy himself is gay.

haha I thought about wearing a garbage bag instead of the usual nice outfits.

Yep. I have a lot of male friends and a few of them definitely only see me as "one of the guys," some think of me like a sister….but I’m sure some could possibly harbor feelings for me even though they’ve never ever made any mention or move about it (and I doubt they ever would). So I go on my merry way because I love our friendships to much to just throw them away over possibilities. However, I don’t in any way try to flaunt myself around them and I know that being "friends" with a married man is far different territory and boundaries than just friends with a single man.

cascade, it sucks to feel as if you might lose a friend over this but it is up to you. If you are interested in him I think it’s obvious that the moral issue is he is married and I’d hope you wouldn’t do anything with him. However, if you don’t have any feelings for him like that then I’d stay away. Tell him how it is and tell him you need to apparenty get out of his life since you wont be the reason he ruins his marriage.
I say you sleep with him.

Do the whole situation a favor.

If he’s not going to sleep with you, he’s going to do it with someone else.

And this will help expedite the process of their doomed marriage.

You get laid.

He gets laid, and out of his crappy marriage.

Wifey gets half his shit, and eventually new dick.

I’m failing to see where all don’t profit.

Sure there might be some feelings hurt.

But whatever. Better now than later.

Why are divorces so expensive???

Because they’re worth it!

You guys must have been spending a lot of time together if he has fallen in love with you. Its always best to be wary of married people, especailly since it seems like this isn’t the first time this has happen to you. A friendship is always great, but marriage is part of the foundation of someone elses life. You probably don’t want to break that. end the friendship. Tell him to talk to his wife…

when we worked together we sat the closest to anyone so we would talk alot, I guess you can consider that spending alot of time together then there were the few times that we went out with mutual friends. I kind of avoided him today but I think I will have a talk with him tomorrow. What I’m going to say is that he needs to try and work things out with his wife without me being in the back of his mind. We should probably not talk for a while and that I really dont want to loose the friendship. The last thing I want him to do is leave his wife because he thinks I’m a better prospect. I also want to tell him that I will be there for him no matter what happens in his marriage but as friend. Ugh, I just know this is going to be awkward and really suck.
I think it’s impossible for a single woman to have a platonic relationship with a married man. With the exception of childhood friends, a married man will always have "that thought" buried deep within. Either see him together with his wife or not at all. Keep things professional.

But if this isn’t the first time happening, maybe you should check the signals you’re putting off with these guys. It’s to my understanding that some women are attracted to things they can’t have.

I have a married guy friend, but I’m also friends with his wife. We double date with them all the time and are actually all gong on a cruise together next week. I can’t picture him having any feeling for me because he’s soooo in love with his wife. But god help me if he ever made some sort of mention or move. I’d never see or speak to him again.
Sorry, but in my experience, women who THINK they have male friends really only have male acquaintances that keep in touch so that they may possibly have sex with you in the future.

Don’t bother having male friends. Seriously.

That’s a very silly thing to say. Some of my greatest friendships have been with men. My best friend who was practically my brother for instance. Just because most guys have feelings for the girls they consider friends doesn’t mean their friendship is bullshit. Maybe yours have been.

OK, you keep fooling yourself. No skin off my nose.

Just realize that even though your male friends may be fond of you, doesn’t mean that you actually have a platonic friendship. Pretty much guaranteed that he looks at you much differently than you look at him. The result is a ‘friendship’ without the equality of standing that true friendships have.

Guys are great at being friendly to women in their lives, especially when they secretly want to bone them…

You’re dense.

HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND… EVER!!!

NOT NOW, NOT TOMORROW, NOT EVER!

HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!!!

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM, STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!

I already wrote earlier that I don’t deny some of them could harbor sexual feelings, but it doesn’t take away from our friendships as if they are all bullshit . You know nothing of my personal friendships, so for you to say that EVERY SINGLE male-female "friendship" is bullshit or a waste of time seems a tad close-minded.

I’m talking in generalities, so try not to be so offended.

Anyway, I’ve said already that you are free to fool yourself. I, however, am pretty confident in saying that men generally only give attention to female "friends" when they feel something more than friendship.

If that’s OK with you, being secretly desired by him while you act as if it’s all just friendship, then so be it.

That’s what women have always done. Then they make posts like the OP did, and wonder wtf went wrong.

This "generality" is not at all the case for anyone I know. But I don’t hang out with boring sex-crazed lunatics who swear off half the population as friends because they may become attracted to them.

You’re right. It would not be possible for a woman to misinterpret a man’s intentions in their relationship.

What an unlikely scenario!

fixed

just kidding

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

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