I dont want to die, but I really do not see the point of going on

Everything in my life has fallen in around me again and I cannot take it anymore. I do not want to die but I do not want to live and deal with it anymore. My wife has left due to my stupidity. If I do not pass a revenue objective at work by next Thursday I lose my job. All my friends have abandoned me. I have no money, I am within one paycheck of being flat broke. I have nothing and nothing to look forward to. I would do it today if I knew that I would not go to hell. I cannot deal with this anymore. If I lose my job that will be it. There really would be no point in going on. I miss my wife so fucking bad and I cannot talk to her or contact her. Her myspace says that she has separated from me. I walk around on egg shells all day thinking that someone is following me and waiting to serve me papers. Dear God what did I do to deserve this life. My whole life has been nothing but misery, why go on.

Therapist, now. Go through the county health services and it will be cheap(re:sliding scale)

/thread
stop torturing yourself by checking up on her. shit will get better, it always does. seeing a therapist would definatly help. I wish i had done it sooner, i wasted so many years battling my demons on my own. the help is there, it will make you feel better, faster. GL.
You have the power to turn it all around. You have the power to create a life of your dreams. You want to quit but don’t….this too shall pass.

It’s in our darkest moments that we come face to face with who we are and it’s in these moments that we can make enormous changes in our lives.

I think you need help and support through this time and I agree, you need therapy. You can also go get some books from the library. One I would suggest is by Anthony Robbins called Awaken The Giant Within. It’s a fantastic book that will teach you how to make big changes in your life.

You are not the only one that has been in this kind of situation. I have too, not a divorce but I was so close to bankruptcy that it was amazing I made it out without one. I had to realize that I didn’t know shit and I needed to learn how to live in this world. When I was soo fucking miserable and alone and broke, I sold the one valuable asset I had left….a police scanner. It was like a $500 scanner and I sold it for $250, I think. I took that money and bought Anthony Robbins "Personal Power" tape program and that started me on my journey.

Now on that journey I happened to discover that I was also an alcoholic and I needed help to treat that fucking disease. None of this was easy but I’m so glad I hung in there because life can be really beautiful.

I’ve been through hell on earth and came out the other side a better man. You can to. It’s totally worth it and I hope you’ll make the choice to carry on.

Good Luck and God Bless.

you go on because it is what you do. most people have a shit life with a shit future. it is a sad fact but it is still better than not existing at all.

you just have to look at all the little things that make you smile. that’s all life really is. the little things. the things you know you would miss if you never got to experience them again.

trust me i think about not going on a lot. it always hangs over me like a cloud and sometimes i lift my arms begging the lightning to strike me. you just have to find one reason to go on. that’s all you need.

hang in there sweetie

Therapist, now. Go through the county health services and it will be cheap(re:sliding scale)

/thread

I started seeing one last week but cannot get into see him again for about 2 weeks. Not sure how its going to help

She is my wife, I love her more than I love myself. All I ever wanted in life was someone like her and to be moderately successful and now she is gone and if I dont pass this work test, Im out of a job. With no job, no dual income and my debt I will never escape so there is no point in going on.

yes there is!

You can escape…even if it all turns to shit. You can declare bankruptcy if it gets bad enough. You can also try to cut back on expenses and work your way out of it.

There’s a lot to live for….overcome something as huge and smothering as a mountain of debt is an amazing feeling. I’ve been there and done that.
you’ve been living your life for your wife, start living life for yourself. you deserve someone better.
thinking of war helps, take a look through a WW2 gallery, take some time to realise that no matter what the hell you think you are going through now, 1000’s and 1000’s of people before you have been through much worse just so you have the chance to live today freely.

ok, so you’re not competing with the rest of the world in terms of glamorous lifestyle, but you’ve got to start small when you’re rebuilding your life, and when you succeed, you’ll have much stronger foundations to your character than those who have never had to deal with and conquer problems.
I gotta ask; what did you do, or not do, that caused all of these things to happen? Since it is your life, you must be implicated somehow. So what did you do wrong? And what can you do differently?

no no. no one has to do something wrong. Right and wrong are merely labels, try to think of what you can take away from the situation, try to learn and better yourself because of it. but first comes grieving, take your time brother no need to rush these things.
get over it i used to live in a storage shed with nothing but a case of beer and a sleeping bag.

things get tough sometimes, they only get too tough if you decide to make them that way
Here’s how I think of things. There is no point to life. Therefore I can make whatever I want out of it whenever I want, however I want (Within reason of course).

If you don’t like the past learn to forgive and let go and then move on. This is the toughest part but a good way of thinking about it is that the past, just like the future, only exists in your mind. If you are hung up about something it’s because you let it. You will be worm food soon enough, don’t be foolish and kill yourself now.

Here’s some shit to put your mind on the right track:

1832- Lost job and defeated for state legislature
1833- Failed in Business and as a farmer
1835- Love of his life died
1836-Had nervous breakdown
1838-Defeated for speaker
1843-Defeated for nomination for congress
1848-Lost renomination
1849-Rejected for land officer
1854-Defeated for US Senate
1856-Defeated for nomination for Vice President
1858-Again defreated for senate

1860- President Lincoln

Now these are just footnotes on his tough life but he learned from his mistakes and obviously didn’t dwell on the past in a negative way or else he woudln’t have tried, and failed, so often.

Here’s how I think of things. There is no point to life. Therefore I can make whatever I want out of it whenever I want, however I want (Within reason of course).

If you don’t like the past learn to forgive and let go and then move on. This is the toughest part but a good way of thinking about it is that the past, just like the future, only exists in your mind. If you are hung up about something it’s because you let it. You will be worm food soon enough, don’t be foolish and kill yourself now.

Here’s some shit to put your mind on the right track:

1832- Lost job and defeated for state legislature
1833- Failed in Business and as a farmer
1835- Love of his life died
1836-Had nervous breakdown
1838-Defeated for speaker
1843-Defeated for nomination for congress
1848-Lost renomination
1849-Rejected for land officer
1854-Defeated for US Senate
1856-Defeated for nomination for Vice President
1858-Again defreated for senate

1860- President Lincoln

Now these are just footnotes on his tough life but he learned from his mistakes and obviously didn’t dwell on the past in a negative way or else he woudln’t have tried, and failed, so often.

Completely off subject, but Lincoln never attempted to be a farmer.

But Lincoln is always an incredible example of someone who was brought up with nothing and achieved what many consider success.

get over it i used to live in a storage shed with nothing but a case of beer and a sleeping bag.

things get tough sometimes, they only get too tough if you decide to make them that way

… oddly enough sounds kinda like fun. i live my life for new experiences, and that sounds like quite an experience.

Completely off subject, but Lincoln never attempted to be a farmer.

But Lincoln is always an incredible example of someone who was brought up with nothing and achieved what many consider success.

Shit. I didn’t write it though and I’ve lived in Canukistan for 24 years so you’ll have to forgive me on missing some details of American history.

Completely off subject, but Lincoln never attempted to be a farmer.

But Lincoln is always an incredible example of someone who was brought up with nothing and achieved what many consider success.

Why do people think they have the only true history of someone or something. Isn’t it possible that he did try to be a farmer and you just haven’t read that book or heard that story?
Listen clearly.

All things will come to pass.

This, as remarkable as it seems, is a potent time of self discovery. This is when you can learn the most about yourself.

So what if we lose our job? When one door closes, another one is opened. Something must die in order for something to be born.

You are probably just really, really tired by the sounds of it. And I have felt that tremendous weight. Had I known now, then, I would have used those terrible experiences as extreme self observation.

You are becoming very identified with the situation. We cannot be like that, we cannot identify with these chemical messengers, this will get us killed.

If you find that you are becoming very identified with the cowards door out – suicide – please give yourself a half hour, please allow yourself to contact multiple people, and please notify the authorities.

Yes, they will take you to a safe place, and if you cooperate, you will not be getting out of there until you get your head clear. There are other ways of clearing your head other then a gun.

That is important. Do not give yourself time to identify with terrible things, if you feel the push to leave life because it is so terrible at a given time, please contact someone to rescue you.

I cannot recommend any more then that, because first sir it is imperative that you give a shout for help so we can find you, in the dark cloud you are in. I cannot hear you from here, however others can, I recommend 911.

Do not let the darkness that is hell surround you and choke you to death. It is all but an illusion, one that seems to have no end!
You kept threatening to leave her, so she left you instead.
Every time you tell a woman to leave you make them feel a little less loved and a lot less self worth, you can be damned sure you’re not the only one in pain right now. She won’t want anything to do with you for a long time.
You will find someone else and won’t make the same mistakes. Life goes on, life gets better.

Of course it’s possible, but I’ve read many letters that Lincoln wrote himself expressing how he had absolutely no desire to ever be a farmer.

There has to be some point of convincing. To me, his own words are very convincing.

Of course it’s possible, but I’ve read many letters that Lincoln wrote himself expressing how he had absolutely no desire to ever be a farmer.

There has to be some point of convincing. To me, his own words are very convincing.

I always thought he grew up farming and couldn’t do it because he hated it so much.
I’ve always wondered (keep in mind this is completely coming from a logical standpoint and not an emotional one at all) that if one was suicidal, why not just entirely devote your life to benefiting others? If you’re ready to die, you obviously don’t care about what happens to you, so why not help others (greater good)? Go make someone else happy.

That might even release some feel-good chemicals and make you want to live again.

edit – I’m sure tho that if one is suicidal, they probably don’t care about other people, much less themselves, and therefore wouldn’t be inclined to dedicate their life to benefiting others. Depression chemicals in the brain and such.

That’s exactly right.

When I say he "never had a desire to do it," I mean he didn’t like it even when he was forced to do it by his father. Once he broke away from his family and went out on his own, he didn’t want to farm and he didn’t think much of his farmer father either.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far in life…it’s that negative thoughts results in negative events. When you sit around and sulk about how terrible your life is, you aren’t accomplishing anything, you’re digging yourself deeper.

I used to be in the same boat, I felt like all the shit in the world rested on my shoulders. I was one class away from failing out of college, I was in a deteriorating relationship of 3 years (girl cheated on me), and I wasn’t getting along with my parents. Literally overnight, I had an epiphany and decided that I was going to quit with the bullshit. It helps to realize that no matter what is going on in your life, most people out there probably have it worse (you have a place to live, you live in a country where there’s more opportunity than many others, you’re healthy). No matter what happens in your life, you will still have problems to deal with. If you win the lottery tomorrow, your problems won’t disappear. The difference between those who live happily, and those who don’t, is completely controllable with your mind.

Think positive, and good things will happen. When something negative happens, take it as a lesson learned. Instead of wasting your time crying about it, understand what went wrong and use it to improve something you still have control over…your future. I know it sounds really fucking cliche, but I can vouch for it because I live by it. I’ve since graduated college, I moved out of state to a place I feel I’ll live for the rest of my life, I have a new girlfriend of almost 3 years that is a perfect match, we’ve bought a house, stable job, and I’ve never been happier.
If you’ve ever been in a position in your life where you just can’t take any more, you just have to get through the next second, and the next second after that.
Michael Novak

go for it and tell me how you liked it

I lived like that for a while and thought it was a blast because I knew that it was temporary (Well it wasn’t certain to be temporary but I was naive so it made it fun. Everything just turned out right).

dude sounds like you need a hooker and i just poped my cherry

Congratulations, keeler, you’ve grasped the concept of relativism. (NOT relativity.)

However, I think we can all agree on a common definition of a good life being one that you’re happy with, so if his life is not the way he wants it to be, then he has clearly done something wrong. I want to know what it is; I want him to tell me what he’s done, and what other people have done, that have resulted in his life being so miserable, because until he defines what is wrong action, he can’t start to take right actions. It doesn’t have to seem like a good idea to me — maybe shooting heroin three times a day is what he’s always wanted to do with his life — but as you so aptly pointed out, he has a definition of right and wrong, and he needs to start doing what he thinks is right. I’m just trying to make sure he know what that is.

That cannot possibly be your first post. Are you really that stupid?

Not that I was totally living for it.

Right now I am starting to go through these feelings of ending it again. I have court coming on Wednesday and I have a feeling that I will get served divorce papers that day. I made it through my probationary period at work but now its like, why the fuck bother. What do I have to look forward to? I am totally alone. I come home each night to an empty house with everything that reminds me of her. I think about all that I have done for her and all the fun that we have had and then now to know that she is making plans to move on without me. And I cannot even contact her. What do I do? I cant focus on anything, I joined the gym but havent gone yet. I think of it as pointless. Im rambling here but I just do not know why I should keep on enduring this shit.

Listen clearly.

All things will come to pass.

This, as remarkable as it seems, is a potent time of self discovery. This is when you can learn the most about yourself.

So what if we lose our job? When one door closes, another one is opened. Something must die in order for something to be born.

You are probably just really, really tired by the sounds of it. And I have felt that tremendous weight. Had I known now, then, I would have used those terrible experiences as extreme self observation.

You are becoming very identified with the situation. We cannot be like that, we cannot identify with these chemical messengers, this will get us killed.

If you find that you are becoming very identified with the cowards door out – suicide – please give yourself a half hour, please allow yourself to contact multiple people, and please notify the authorities.

Yes, they will take you to a safe place, and if you cooperate, you will not be getting out of there until you get your head clear. There are other ways of clearing your head other then a gun.

That is important. Do not give yourself time to identify with terrible things, if you feel the push to leave life because it is so terrible at a given time, please contact someone to rescue you.

I cannot recommend any more then that, because first sir it is imperative that you give a shout for help so we can find you, in the dark cloud you are in. I cannot hear you from here, however others can, I recommend 911.

Do not let the darkness that is hell surround you and choke you to death. It is all but an illusion, one that seems to have no end!

Not sure how to respond to this except I try not to think about it but I cannot stop, its how my brain works. I cant stop thinking of the failure.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far in life…it’s that negative thoughts results in negative events. When you sit around and sulk about how terrible your life is, you aren’t accomplishing anything, you’re digging yourself deeper.

I used to be in the same boat, I felt like all the shit in the world rested on my shoulders. I was one class away from failing out of college, I was in a deteriorating relationship of 3 years (girl cheated on me), and I wasn’t getting along with my parents. Literally overnight, I had an epiphany and decided that I was going to quit with the bullshit. It helps to realize that no matter what is going on in your life, most people out there probably have it worse (you have a place to live, you live in a country where there’s more opportunity than many others, you’re healthy). No matter what happens in your life, you will still have problems to deal with. If you win the lottery tomorrow, your problems won’t disappear. The difference between those who live happily, and those who don’t, is completely controllable with your mind.

Think positive, and good things will happen. When something negative happens, take it as a lesson learned. Instead of wasting your time crying about it, understand what went wrong and use it to improve something you still have control over…your future. I know it sounds really fucking cliche, but I can vouch for it because I live by it. I’ve since graduated college, I moved out of state to a place I feel I’ll live for the rest of my life, I have a new girlfriend of almost 3 years that is a perfect match, we’ve bought a house, stable job, and I’ve never been happier.

After I got my DUI in January I had that same epiphany, I decided I was going to just be happy. I did everything that I could to be happy and look at things differently. As I did that I tried to get Megan to do it with me and she resisted. She kept saying that she would make changes and never did. That is what pushed me over the limit that night I got arrested.

Plus now its like I lost her income. Now Im not going to be able to pay bills and to make more than the minimum payments so how the hell will I ever go and make it on my own. Its like this just totally fucked me and all my plans for the future.

If I had my way I would relocate, get out of here and move to TX, NM, AZ, AL somewhere in the good old South. Maybe I could float out a resume or two and see if someone would re-locate me.

You cannot force yourself to stop thinking. You must observe the relationship between yourself and the world around you to become self aware, and by becoming aware you stop the thinking.

Thinking leads down no good roads. Thinking is a waste of time, and only has an occasional use here or there.

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