Warning – This is a very long post with probably poor grammar and most of it is just me getting some stuff off my chest. There are cliffs but for more insight I suggest you read the whole post.

So I met this girl the beginning of this semester. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time and i though she was funny and cute so i turned all my efforts to trying to start a relationship with her. At first we just talked on aim every night before going to sleep but as time went on we started talking on aim all the time.

One weekend I became very sick with the flu and I had to be brought to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn’t have a way to get back to campus and with her being one of the few people I know on campus with a car I called her and asked her to pick me up. Later that night after I got back to my room I talked to her on aim and thanked her once again then asked her if she would like to join me for dinner as my way of saying thank you. This was just my way of trying to get closer to her but she said that it wasn’t necessary and that she did it out of the kindness of her heart. I said okay but then i asked her if she would let me treat her to dinner because I enjoy her company. She agreed to this but i could sense she was hesitant.

later that week i reminded her about our "date" and she seemed like she forgot then she said that it would have to be really early because her boyfriend was coming to visit her that weekend. I said okay but i really felt like canceling because she never mentioned the fact that she had a boyfriend. But I hate cancelling on people so i just went through with it anyway.

So that friday i took her out and we had a great time at dinner with a lot of jokes and after dinner she told me that she was having a little party with a couple of people in her room that night so i should stop by. Since I didn’t have much to do that night I told her i would stop by. I stopped by and there was a large group of people in her room. Me being a relatively shy person decided to force myself to get to know some new people that night. Well for the most part everyone seemed to be pretty cool. The girl i took out to dinner, kate was around drunk out of her mind (she’s a 3 beer queer) and she kept telling me to get ready cause I had to play beer pong with her. After our game of beer pong she was quite wasted and I was bored so i told her I was leaving. She gave me a hug goodbye and we parted ways.

The next day i went and got my first tattoo in the center of my chest. The tattoo artist warned me that if i got the tattoo there I would probably never get another one because it hurts like a bitch there. Thinking that I was more than man enough to handle it I told them to put it there. The moment the needle touched my breast plate I felt like crawling up in a ball and crying. But I had a female tattoo artist and I don’t like showing pain in front of women so i just took it. After that was done all I wanted to do was to drink until pain was a distant memory. Up until that point I hadn’t drank for about 2 months which is when i started taking zoloft for depression. Knowing that kate was having another little get together in her room again that night i gave her a call and ended up going over there. When i got there everyone was just sitting around talking nobody really drinking. So i just sat down and quietly drank about 3 beers in 3 minutes. There was a girl there who was bitching about nobody drinking when it was her birthday so a guy in the room offered to drink some rum with her in his room. I asked if i could have some too and he said sure and we all headed into his room.

I don’t remember much from that night but I was told that i took 20 shots and i woke up around 4 30 that morning sitting shirtless in the dude that i met that night’s room. I had puke all over my pants and the guy was laying on the floor sleeping in his own puke. Kate told me that after our 20 shots both me and him went to her room and he passed out on her roommate bed. Apparently I was sitting in a green chair of hers and at one point I just started puking everywhere. So kate and her boyfriend brought both me and this guy back into his room and left us in there. I had to go back there the next day to get my hoody and i went to kate and apologized for what i had done. she said it was fine but i could tell she was pissed.

After a while she got over it and then after asking her many times and her saying "yes", then changing her mind, she started going to this boxing class with me on campus. I assumed I would be doing the class with her even though i had been partners with a male friend of mine. But when she got to the class she had brought a friend of her own whom she didn’t tell me she was going to bring. I accepted this as her way of trying to have somewhat of a buffer zone if things got uncomfortable. Even though we weren’t in the same group we still joked around a lot and had a good time with each other.

As time went on I grew use to going to this boxing class with her. But as spring break neared I noticed that she didn’t seem as happy as she normally did. I started asking her what was wrong and eventually she opened up that she was going through a difficult time because her parents were getting a divorce. This became one of the rare instances where i can actually say i was there to support someone through a time of need. The day before classes were to end I gave her a huge at the end of our english class and told her to call me anytime she felt overwhelmed. To my surprise she actually did call me. In fact she called me everyday during break and she said many times that talking to me made her feel better.

When break was over we had arranged to hang out and watch a movie together that sunday night. Well that night she came over and we kinda watched raging bull but most of the time we just talked and joked around. When she left I gave her a big hug and she told me again that she really likes my company. The next day a pair of slippers i had ordered for her came in the mail and after our boxing class i brought her up to my room and gave her cow slippers (she lives on a cow farm and she loves cows….in fact she got a cow tattoo during spring break). During break I promised that i had a gift for her that would make her giddy. She was hesitant to admit it would make her giddy but after giving them to her she genuinely seemed giddy.

That friday since both of use finished classes around 2 I called her and asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said sure so i went over to her room and we watched the little mermaid together since she didn’t get a chance to see it growing up. During the movie we joked around a lot but as our talking started to die down i put my hand on her thigh. This soon progressed into me rubbing her thighs then eventually to me holding her as we watched the movie. When her roommate unexpectedly walked in she jumped up and pretended as if I was nowhere near her while we watched the movie. I guess she doesn’t want her roommate to get the wrong idea about our friendship since her roommate knows she has a boyfriend but still her reaction to her roommate walking in kinda hurt me.

Later that night i got a text from her asking if i knew anyone that could get beer for her roommate. I told her no and as somewhat of a call for attention i told her that i felt like shit. she asked me why and i told her that i felt like i was having feeling for her that i don’t think she had for me in return. She responded telling me that i shouldn’t feel any type of way that would cause me to think that I can’t be friends with her and that she wanted us to stay friends. I accepted this but i still kinda felt shitty.

The next day i didn’t really have much to do that night and i was lonely so i asked a friend of kate’s, beth, if she would mind joining me for dinner. she said sure and we went out to eat. We had a good time with me joking around a lot and her laughing a lot. After dropping her back off I went back to my room and smoked weed. Then I took a pill that my doctor told me would help me go to sleep. It turns out that the pill my doctor gave me was a tranquilizer and i don’t think that weed, the tranquilizer and zoloft are a good combination. I was kinda tripping out and for some reason which i’m not really sure of i called that girl beth at like 12 that night and told her to meet me in her building lobby she she can prove to me that she was a good drive. So i walked over to her building and she let me in but she asked me why i came over when she told me it wasn’t a good time. I don’t remember the explaination i gave her but i was probably just rambling. All we ended up doing was talking in her lobby for like an hour.

Then to my surprise i saw kate coming back from a party. Kate said hi to me and she noticed right away that i was pretty fucked up. SHe was kinda tipsy too but i was in worst shape. She volunteered to help me get back to my room. When she got to my building she told me to sign her in since it was passed 11 and all guest have to be signed in after 11. SO i signed her in and we went up to my room. Once I opened my room she went to my bed and collasped in it. I hopped in there with her and we started talking. I asked her how her day was and she told me it was pretty shitty. I offered her the best advice I had and then we started to cuddle. After a while i make a move by trying to kiss her but she stopped me immediately and told me that she couldn’t do that because she has a boyfriend. So i told her that she should break up with him. She said it wasn’t that easy. I told her that was okay and that i was glad to know she wasn’t a cheater. So all we did that night was cuddle and talk. The next day after we woke up she got up to leave and she initiated a big hug.

The next day at our boxing class i could tell that there was something bothering her. We normally went to late night dinner after boxing but she told me that she wasn’t hungry that night. I said ok but later that night I asked her on aim what was wrong and she told me that she wasn’t sure and thinks that she just needed space. I told her ok but if she ever needs anyone to speak to that i would be there for her. For the rest of that week (last week) she was very distant to me. By the time the weekend came i asked her if she wanted to hang out but she said she would be painting the whole weekend for one of her classes. I said ok and by the time sunday came i asked her how her weekend was. she told me that all she did was paint but when i logged onto facebook that night i noticed that one of her friends uploaded pictures of her and some of her other friends drinking in her room last weekend. I was kinda hurt by this since she lied to me but I still didn’t think too much of it. Yesterday i texted her and asked her if she wanted to have lunch like we normally do but she said that today was a bad day since her friends were in a pissy mood and she wanted to have lunch with them. I accepted this but while i was at my judo class later that day i got a text from her saying she wouldn’t be going to our boxing classed because she had too much work. By this point i came to the conclusion that she was simply trying to put space between up. So later that night when i logged on aim and saw her on i sent her this:

Me: Hello Kate, I feel it is my duty to inform you that I think it would be in my best interest if we weren’t friends anymore. Whenever I try to contact you I feel like I’m constantly bothering you. I know you’re going through tough times right now, but all I’ve ever wanted to do was help you through them. But I see myself as another problem on a pile of problems you have. Another reason for ending out friendship is that I like you a lot and I thought you liked me too. But I’ve always been off when it comes to judging how much people like me. In fact I was at a point where I thought everyone hated me until I met you. But as I said I’m bad at judging how much people like me. It was nice having you as a friend while it lasted and i sincerely hope you always feel happy
Kate: KillKingKong we are not ending this friendship…. i just dont feel like i have time right now to hang out and do things with you. you are not a problem for me, i just dont have time and i have no patience for anything anymore and i get frustrated. i like talking to you and stuff but i just think you came on too strong and didnt back down and that for some reason made things hard for me. but i disagree with you in that we cant be friends anymore and i will have to kick your ass if you dont work with me here haha
kate: or at least try to
Me: if i were coming on too strong I apologize but you could have just told me that. I would have calmed down. Instead I feel like if i try to make any sort of contact with you it’s only pissing you off, but all I’m trying to do is make you feel happy. But i dunno I don’t leave myself emotionally open to many people and you were one of the few that I have done so with. I can see how I come off as too strong sometimes but I really do like you and I may show that too strongly at times.
Kate: im glad to know that i am someone you can open up to and share your emotions with and i am sorry if i seem to be bother by you but i just cant handle everything right now… i just need to be left alone for a while but idont want to end our friendship

After that i logged off aim but she texted me asking me if we were still friends. I told her I guess so but i just really hate feeling like I’m bothering her everytime I try to contact her when I’m only trying to put a smile on her face. She told me that she was sorry but she feels like she’s drowning and that from now on she would contact me first. I said okay but i didn’t really believe her since she’s almost never the one to contact me. Today we had class together. I got there before her then her friend beth got to class and sat next to me. She got there last and sat near beth. I didn’t say much to her besides hello. At the end of class instead of walked back to out dorms together i just got up and left. When i was headed to my next class i saw her on her way back to her dorm and she waved at me so i gave her a half hearted wave. In any other circumstance we would go hug each other and have a little talk. That’s basically where I’m at with her now. The main reason for this post is to just get off my chest but I also want to know if anyone else thinks i should just move on and cut my ties? I feel like I’ve been setting myself up for failure and I would prefer not to be hurt any further. I’ve been punching my wall a lot recently and I think i may have damaged my knuckle since i now feel it floating around. I’m not really sure how to deal with the anger and sadness I’m feel so I’m reaching out for help.

cliffs-i met a girl that i like in class. Ask her out to dinner. She says ok, but then says that it’s going to have to be early since her boyfriend was coming to visit her that night. We have a good time at dinner. Become very close friends. she spends the night with me. I make a move but she says no because she has a boyfriend. So all we do is talk for the rest of the night. Every since then she’s been distant

Right off the bat, she doesn’t like like you, she was hesitant because she’s nice and didn’t want to hurt your feeelings by shutting you down.

20 shots? Gotta love dumb kids and their exaggerations. Nice job by the way of making an ass of yourself. I’m not trying to be mean…but it’s a little ridiculous for you to get that drunk in front of a girl you’re trying to impress; doesn’t matter how long it had been since you drank.

Yep, just more proof she’s not that into you.

You are her friend.

Wow, a cow tattoo? She’ll regret that in a few years….and yeah, buying her gifts isn’t going to make her like you more.

Well yeah…she has a bf.

SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE YOU. How don’t you get this by now?

Still not seeing the point of all this, but I’ll keep reading…

How do you not get this? She doesn’t like you, she doesn’t want to see you. You are smothering her and she wants to lie because she’s obviously too weak to just tell you. She likes you as a friend but she recognizes that’s not what you care about so now she just has to distance you from her at all costs.

She is young and naive. She is praying and hoping that you, as a guy, will be able to JUST be friends with her, but we all know that is not only crazy, but ignorant. You know you want a relationship with her. Telling yourself you just want a friendship is bullshit and deep down you will keep acting the same way towards her, always hoping she’ll dump her bf for you or end up drunk and stupid at your doorstep so she can make bad decisions. You NEED to let her go for a while. You can’t be friends with her and you know it.

You need to cut your ties with her for a while until you are over being with her. She just wants to as a friends and always has. To be honest you wasted a lot of time on her but hopefully you realize how you went wrong for your future.

Never waste your time on a girl who has a bf. Trying to befriend them and then secretly telling them how you feel will never win you the girl. You will also not win the girl by talking to her nightly on AIM or hugging her. Even if she didn;’t have a bf you went about your relationship completely like a friend. If you like a girl you ask her out, don’t pussyfoot around her. Ask her out. She will tell you yes or no. If she says no you move on. If she says yes then you play it cool and set the date up and go from there.
Thanks, iwishyouwerebeer i kinda needed that brutal honesty at this time. In hindsight I see now that from the beginning I was setting myself up for friendship. Better off cutting my ties as you said instead of beating myself up about it. And I don’t know if i was exaggerating about the 20 shots…as i said i don’t remember much from that night. But I have had a night where i know for sure I’ve had at least 20 shots…and I’ve woken up in the ER because of that night

Yikes…please try to limit what you drink. Drinking past like 5 shots is bad enough, let alone 10+ and waking up in the ER or a pool of your own vomit. It doesn’t make you cool or attractive. I’m sure you’re like 18 or maybe 19 so right now drinking seems to be the thing to do, but you can still have a good time and not become a binge drinker/alcoholic. Not to mention that on top of your Zoloft isn’t a good idea. Why are you on Zoloft anyway? Do you actually fee you have social anxiety? Or did your doctor throw it at you like most do? Do you actually feel it works?

Anywho, enough with the scolding. The point is yes, now you at least know for your future (which you have a lot to live) to not befriend a girl first, especially not one who is already taken. You might want to wander over to the Vaginarium. You will find you are by no means the only guy who has made the mistake of falling for a girl with a bf, but the fact remains that you should never waste time on them.

If they really wanted to be with you they’d make a way to be with you (i.e. dumping their bf).

Thanks once again. And I was pretty much thrown zoloft by my family doctor for depression. During winter break I came home stumbling drink and my parents asked why i would do that to myself. I said i hated my life and didn’t care. Next thing I know I’m at my family doctor and he’s writing me a prescription.
At first I didn’t feel like it was doing anything. Then my doctor here at school moved me up to 100mg and i was feeling pretty good. Then I hit a really low point. And currently I’m at a really low point but I think i just need to get over this girl and I should be fine.
I can’t really top what IWYWB said, but I would watch the drinking when you’re with women. Maybe a few beers to get a buzz to loosen up, but that’s it. Think about what drunk people look like when you’re sober; not cool, right?

If the girls with you are getting completely trashed, then perhaps, but other than that, keep away from the drinks!

All of the depression medicine in the world won’t change the fact that you were being desperate with a girl. It’s something you learned, and more importantly, something you need to unlearn. I would check out some confidence/dating books in addition to some therapy! I’m not raggin’ on you here, I’ve been through it myself.

I haven’t been drinking recently. And I don’t really think I need to work on my confidence because as of right now I have no problems approaching girls. However I may not go about starting a relationship in the right manner, so dating books might be helpful. And I’m already in therapy which I tried moving to once every 2 week instead of once of week but I had to push it back to once a week today
Update: Well I tried to follow what you guys suggested and just letting her be but I’m a softie when it comes to girls. So I still went to that boxing class with her today and after the class we went to my room and I just layed all my feeling out. And basically just like you guys said she told me she only views me as a friend. It sucked to have her say that but at the same time it was a relief since I’ve been going through a lot of stress about this, and I just wanted reassurance. I told her that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore but she told me that we’re not ending our friendship because of that. So I guess we’re just gonna try to remain close friends but deep down in side I know that what iwishyouwerebeer said is true and that I’ll always hope she’ll dump her boyfriend and come running to me. However iwishyouwerebeer wasn’t right about the part where she said i would try to take advantage of her when she got drunk…i have some class after all lol
shit like that happens when you have a crush on a girl and invest this much time into her.

shit sucks learn and live iguess

Yeah, falling for girls after knowing them for a while is kinda a flaw of mine. I’m trying to work on it but it just seems that every corner I turn I get labeled as a friend. And when I try to be very direct I get labeled as creepy.
i did it with one girl and didnt follow through with anything so it was my fault BUT im glad i didnt follow through now that ive seen her now.
I pretty much did this same with a few girls before. And am kind of in the same boat right now. But Ive learned from my mistakes and learned not to get so emotionally invested. Especially when I see myself going down the same road that Ive been down too many times before.

Im doing a pretty good job of not making the same mistakes this time. Not "hanging out" all the time, not talking all the time. Bascially just enough to keep interest level there until I make my move.

I mightve waited too long to make the move though. But it was things beyond my control that wouldnt allow me to make the move. If it is too late, oh well. You live and learn. Im still not too emotionally invested so its all good. If things dont work out then I will definetly put as much distance as possible between us. Which is what you should do. You shouldnt keep giving in to staying around her. I know it may feel somewhat good being around her. But just think… shes not thinking about it in that way whatsoever. The more you hang around her the more those feelings are going to want to resurface, and when they do you will just be smashed again.

Yeah, I feel like shit for pursuing her the way I am when she has a boyfriend. Bat I keep justifying it to myself by saying that I haven’t crossed any lines with her sexually so I haven’t done anything wrong. But on the same note I know if the occasion were to arise I probably wouldn’t turn her down even if she was still with her boyfriend

It pains me to see myself as such a softie when it comes to girls but I don’t feel like I can help my feelings. Lately I’ve been an emotional wreck but not only because of her. I felt like my depression was getting the best of me for a while and then I met her And was happy for a little bit. Strangely enough it was her goofiness that attracted her to me. I kind of get tired of having the feeling that girls think I’m a weirdo when I make a off color joke and she was the first girl I ever met that I didn’t worry about saying some stupid joke around because I knew that she would say something just as awkward as me. While being on cloud 9 since I finally met a girl that I felt like i could be my true self around I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. Then after she withdrew from me after I told her I liked her I felt like it was just another justification of my feelings that everyone I meet no matter how much I think they like me truly hates me. I actually tried to kill myself last weekend but luckily I have a friend that I know has gone through pretty bad depression so I gave her a call after cutting myself. But deep down I know that was just a cry for help basically since I stayed away from those juicy veins that I know would have made me die. Instead I just put a bunch of cuts in my lower forearm.
So kate told me today that she broke up with her boyfriend. So I’m gonna give her space for a week then ask her out or something next weekend.
Why are you investing so much into this girl? To me, if she was in to you, more would have happened on her part, boyfriend or not. Walk away, let it go.

Because I really like her personality. And I have been seeing other girls but she’s the want I want. I don’t believe in people being "meant to be" but I do think it’s rare to find a person who can bring joy to me the way she does. Maybe I’m reading too much into her telling me that she broke up with her boyfriend today. The logic going through my mind right now is that I’m going to try to go for all or nothing right now. So either I’m going to be successful in my attempts on getting her or I’ll just ruin the friendship. And I’m willing to accept failure at this point, but I just hate being in limbo.

Man you aren’t in limbo… you’re in denial. she already told you how she feels.
So I’m still pretty drunk right now but I called her last night while drunk. I’ve been turned down hard and I’ll probably cut her off. But I think I also broke my fist last night from punching a wall. I’m not sure because I’ve punched that wall so much recently but I can’t close my fist without squinting lol. I told her to remind me about what happened so hopefully I’ll leave it be, but FUCK I hate liking someone so much but not having the feelings returned. I just fucking hate being me sometimes. I hate feeling that everyone wishes I were dead. And I fucking hate always wishing I was dead. Fuck I don’t know I’m drunk but want to die all the time.
Honestly stop drinking, if you have strong negative emotions, the alcohol will only amplify it.

Yes it sucks, we have all been there at some point in time, but seriously pick yourself up and move on.

Another thing, eat a lot of protein and hit the gym, it will make you feel better and you won’t have the negative side effects of drugs.

Stop drinking.

Strongly consider seeking therapy
Alcohol is a mood amplifier, not a mood enhancer. I tend to avoid it when things are down.
Dude… you are an obsesser.

You obsess about one girl so much that it SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM!!!

What you need to realize is that there are a TON of women out there.

Like 3 BILLION OF THEM.

Who gives a shit about this girl.

I mean seriously… she has a cow tattoo?

HOW LAME IS THAT?

SERIOUSLY LAME!

Stop trying to put all your effort into one girl immediately!!!

What you need to do is get over the feeling of rejection.

I’m pretty good with women, not the best, but pretty good.

When I’m on the prowl I get turned down by probably 9 out of 10 of the women I talk to… but look at it this way.

I talk to 40-50 women in a night, that’s 4 or 5 numbers a night that I get, and them maybe one of those 4 or 5 numbers that I get, are girls that I actually want to spend any kind of time with.

When you’re first starting out, it might be 1 in 200 women that give you their number, and want to spend time with you.

Do not take rejection to heart. You will reject people and people will reject you. These are facts of life.
Dude…she doesn’t like you. Please stop investing so much in this girl. Stop talking to her. Even sans-boyfriend she still doesn’t want to date you, get it through your head.

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