I’ve been diagnosed with depression and have been taking zoloft for it but I haven’t been feeling like it’s helping much recently. Recently I’ve just been feeling like my emotions are all rushing to me at the same time. I woke up yesterday and somehow I felt like crying, laughing, and punching my wall until my knuckles bled. I never really felt that way before, but all I did was just curl back into bed and skipped my first class. I’ve been having quite a bit of problems with a girl and I will admit that situation is a big part of it, but I’ve been feeling down for a while. However the biggest problem is that I feel like everyone hates me and finds me annoying. I’ve asked many people and have been told each time that I’m not annoying and that the only thing that makes me annoying is me asking people if I’m annoying. I don’t know exactly why I have these feelings but they’ve kept me from keeping friends pretty much my entire life. In high school I was known as the quiet kid basically and didn’t really have any close friends but I had a lot of acquaintances. When I got to college I decided to be more out going. I don’t have problems making conversation or making people laugh but for every potential friendship I have i usually end up losing touch because I’m always overcome with the feeling that I’m bothering people. Perhaps this is a low self esteem problem but I don’t really have a negative view of myself physically and I think I’m pretty funny since I can constantly make people laugh, but for some reason I can’t escape the feeling that I’m bothering everyone. These feelings and my situation with that girl have all kinda piled up on me and I feel like I’m withdrawing from the world like I have had a tendency to do in the past. Before when I would get depressed I would have sudden bust of anger while by myself and the only way I knew how to express that anger was to punch my wall. I haven’t cried in years and really don’t know if I can anymore. One part of me thinks that crying might actually make me feel a little better, but another part of me doesn’t want to cry because at that point my emotions have just got the best of me to the point where i can’t control them so I might end up killing myself. I dunno I just don’t know how to feel anymore.

If you find your medication isn’t helping like it used to, you need to communicate that with your doctor. He will up the dosage, or find other medication to try that might suit you better, or even prescribe another medication to take with the zoloft that will counter it’s side effects. You thinking you are constantly annoying seems to be some type of anxiety. Again, bring this up to your doctor. Medication is prescribed for those who have conditions such as this to where it interferes with your daily, normal life. It will treat you correctly if you stay open with your doctor. It may take multiple medications, but that’s okay. Being medicated and stable is alot better than having these wild emotions and anxiety outbursts, right?

Sometimes I don’t even know if I want to continue taking the medication. 6 months ago I didn’t have to take anything unless it was a sleeping pill for my insomnia. Now I’m taking zoloft, some tranquilizer my doc gave me to help with sleep, and smoking weed almost daily this week since I’ve felt like like a emotional wreck this week. I kinda tried to kill myself last weekend but it was a half assed attempt. I knew putting a whole bunch of cuts in my lower forearm wasn’t going to do much, but i just kept slicing away without the nerve to hit a vein. There is one thing I can say that zoloft has seemed to have helped me with and that’s general anxiety. But I don’t know some days i feel good (not great) and some other days I feel like I should just slit my wrist. The scary part now is that after cutting myself a bunch last weekend I’m now over that fear that cutting myself would hurt too bad so I now know slitting my wrist is a possible course of action. Hell I don’t know sometimes I kinda wish mixing all these fucking pills and weed will just put me out of my misery in my sleep like heath ledger. I hate acting/feeling all emotional but it seems like I hit a wall that I can’t get around right now.

You need to be honest with your doctor and get help. Cutting is a sign of a severe depression problem. If you aren’t honest with them, they can’t help you. Look into a pyschologist as well, they aren’t licensed to prescribe medication and they can work with you through mental therapy. It may take a few before you find the right one, but keep searching, you’ll find one you like.
Get out of your depression hole you’re sinking in, which is probably your room/apt/whatever. Go to a book store, sit down and read some self help books with what you’re facing. They can help immensely, and it gets you in a well lit positive place. Environment is key with depression. The more you sit around in a dark place laying in bed, the worse you’ll become. Go out with friends, see movies, talk a walk. Get out of your room.

I already see a psychologist and this week we talked about me feeling like everyone hates me for some reason. But I don’t feel like I can be completely honest in there since I told her that i drank one night and woke up in a strange room covered in puke. She went and told a alcohol counselor who i was seeing separately (for an alcohol poisoning incident ) and who I told I hadn’t had a drink in 2 months to. And one time I told her I felt like killing myself. She asked me if I had a plan and I told her I always had a plan. Then she suggested me going into a hospital for evaluation but I rejected that idea. Ever since that I haven’t told her about the days I’ve felt like killing myself and I hid the cuts on my arm from her this week.

Yeah I have a tendency to isolate myself in my room when I’m feeling depressed. I also cut my ties with people when I’m depressed. I can’t even count the amount of times where I’ve just laid in my bed with my eyes closed under my covers wide awake just hoping it would all end somehow without me having to do anything. I’m gonna go out tonight with a friend but we’re going to a frat I know I’m going to drink, but I don’t know how much yet. My mood will probably dictate how much I drink, and if my mood if the same as it is now then I’m predicting a forgotten night.

She’s trying to help you. If you aren’t willing to get the help you need and take her behavior and threatening there’s nothing she can do.

Zoloft + Alcohol = blackouts and forgetting nights. It’s very common.

zoloft + atarax + weed + alcohol = tonight
I don’t know what’s going to happen or what I’m going to do. I just want to live carelessly tonight.

Enjoy yourself

If you’re thinking about suicide you aren’t enjoying yourself.
I guess I fucking lose then. Cause I’m fucked up, but I still want to die so bad. Luckily my cousin was here this weekend so i didn’t do anything. But thinking about it now I kinda know that if I were by myself I would have probably ended it tonight. As bas as that sounds I don’t even feel like I would have any regrets about it. Every fucking day I wish I would just break down then feel better 2 0 minutes later. But I can’t fucking cry. From growing up in my family I learned that I have to hide my emotions unless under the influence. But lately I feel like my emotions are too fucking much for me to handle. I hate feeling that way and lately I just hate fucking feeling anything. I keep repeating this same song in my fucking head "I swear to god I wanna slit my wrist and end this bullshit, throw the magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit, then squeeze, until the bed’s completely red, glad I’m dead a worthless fucking buddaha head"

/thread

And don’t bitch that it costs money. Of couse it costs a lot of money, but if you save up over time it makes the trip that much more worth it. (just got back from my week vacation )

Related posts:

1. lexapro and drinking well my doctor said he wants to keep me on lexapro for another six mouths…..i told him my 21st birthday...
2. i think my whole life is a lie v.not fooling myself anymore v. vent maybe not my whole life, but, i act as if i don’t care what people think of me, about me,...
3. Taken off zoloft, prescribed lexapro So I was recently taken off of zoloft and prescribed lexapro. I didn’t think zoloft was working because I still...
4. Ever feel empty? Like nothing you do matters? Like youll always find something wrong or youll always be unhappy with something. I got...
5. i feel like a child at 27-years old When I’m talking to women, I feel like a child talking to an adult, like they’re going to crush me...