How can anyone believe that…seeing a girl for a while now and found out that her ex slept over at her place on more than one occasion. IN THE SAME BED with her and she claimed nothing happened and she doesn’t understand why I’m upset and doesn’t want to talk or see her anymore. Too bad too, I really liked her.

Sorry just a rant and my first asylum post.

Glad to hear you’ve dumped her. Pretty much the only way to make her understand how you felt would have been to say "And how would you feel if I had my ex in the same bed with me?"

But then again, there wouldn’t be any point, because by doing that, she showed your relationship disrespect.

This is all assuming you were exclusive. If you two hadn’t come to an understanding/agreement about being exclusive…well then, she can do whatever she wants.

Were you two serious, or just casually dating?
We were serious and I was exclusive, I even went as far as stop talking to female friends that she considered a "threat" (I’m a fool). She referred me as her boyfriend to all her friends and family.
she tried walking all over you, ask her what she would of done if you had a ex gf sleep over but nothing happened.

good on you, it sucks that it happened but if you let it slide you minuswhale set up the failboat

tell her to flip the situation be like if one of my ex’s slept over how would you feel? considering we are dating.

a opposite gender shouldnt be sleeping over in the same bed no matter what.
If nothing happened why would she even bother sleeping with the guy? Load of shit, no excuses.

Good for you for making the right choice

You did the right thing. That’s a major red flag when a girl is that actively involved with her EX. I wouldn’t tolerate it.
u did the right thing i am sorry things turned out the way they did tho
Good job dumping her. This is just about the biggest red flag you can get right here.
Add that to the ‘dumpable offences’ thread in the Vaginarium.
If I were to sleep in the same bed with an ex of mine, no matter how meaninless it was I’d expect to be thrown out and cut off from his life.

The thought of even just sleeping in the same bed with another male no matter how friendly I am with them sets off all kinds of ‘bad idea’ and ‘yuck’ lighbulbs in my brain, if she’d cared how you were going to react they would have been going off in her mind too and she would have clicked on to that it wasn’t worth it and OH HEY, there’s a COUCH. It’s not on. I’d have walked away too.
A friend of mine dumped a longtime gf of his because she had a guy sleep on her couch and didn’t call and tell him.
There is a difference between talking to friends of the opposite gender and sleeping in the same bed with them.

When I was dating my wife she would get phone calls from her ex, I would regularly pick up the phone, hear his voice and hand her the phone. I thought nothing of it.
I mean, I could either trust her or I couldn’t. It is a very black and white things with me.

He didn’t call that often (like only 4 times I can remember).

But what that chick did to the OP is full-on BS.

Now that she doesn’t have the OP to push around maybe she can figure out why he dumped her.
going out to see friends of the opposite sex is one thing, inviting them into your home for an evening and not telling your SO is another.
I don’t know why I’m still feeling emo about this too and it’s funny how I found out about too from her 8 year old younger sister who blurted it out while we were playing wii.
I really feel bad for you, and you did the right thing to shield yourself against this kind of terror, you were in the right, jumping with the ex into the bed while she had you was wrong for her to do, even if nothing happend she should have considered your feelings towards the situation.
Even if nothing happened, do you want a GF who lets her ex sleep over and sleep in her bed?

Of course not, but this kind of betrayal sucks and I just need to stop thinking about it.
Im happy you made the right choice and dumped her right away. You handled the situation Rightly
it’s funny: she questions what the problem is with the whole situation, but conveniently forgot to tell you about it too.

I slept in the same bed as my ex a few times, when we were visiting mutual friends. It was a king size bed and we were practically falling off our respective sides of it, we were so far apart.

Assuming the guy broke up with her and not the other way around, then she is almost certainly telling the truth when she says nothing happened.
she might be telling the truth that nothing happened, but i still wouldnt want that done to me, therefore, i would never do it to him. its disrecpectful to the relationship

funny how she didn’t have the respect to even tell him about it until she was caught…

and

The whole issue is becoming more clouded in suspicion that the ex staying over wasn’t completely innocent. It may be true that nothing happened and that she kept it from him to avoid confrontation. I don’t really believe it but I’m just throwing that out there.

I don’t understand why would you invite an ex over without telling your SO in the first place. I only have one ex-boyfriend I would even think to invite over. we were never more intimate than kissing and better off as friends anyway. I’m happy to be around him socially as a friend which is most definitely what he is and will only ever be, but it is because we have that small amount of history that before i’d ask him if he’d like to come over even during the day I would ask my SO if it was ok with him first! Ex’s are ex’s for a reason, there’s history/baggage and emotional bs surrounding them so i’m really WTF about the idea of inviting one into my house at all let alone sleeping in my bed.
It can’t be completely innocent when her house has a guest room and she let him stayed with her in her room and bed together. Whatever I’m over it (I think).
You did the right thing.

DON’T cave and talk to her.
I am so glad you are not letting her walk all over you and actually broke it off immediatly. If letting him sleep in the same bed when there is an extra bed available is not a big deal think about what else is not a big deal to her. I can hear it now "but mmmike038, there was no actual penetration, just on top of the clothes messing around. I didn’t technically cheat on you, so its ok. Gosh what’s the big deal?"

Considering the way he reacted, it’s no surprise. Some things aren’t worth letting out in the open because it does more harm than good to admit them.

I would really want to know more details before I’d make a judgement call. If she’s telling the truth and it was platonic and she still wants to be with him, then he just fucked up by throwing away a good thing. If it wasn’t platonic and she wants to date her ex again, then all he did by dumping her was speed things up a bit.

So finding out about the sleepover and then dumping her either made the situation worse, or else it didn’t accomplish anything at all.

If you just want to punish her, leave her hanging for a week and then grudgingly agree to talk it over.

Maybe it wasn’t completely innocent. But you know what, I know a few girls that like to sleep with guys just for the extra body heat — they never put out. It really depends on the girl and the situation.

Like I said before, I’d really want to know more about what happened. Hell, ask the guy what happened; if he’s trying to get her back, he’ll tell you he did something just so you’ll really want to leave for good.

Even the 8 year old knew there was something wrong.

Ouch.

I think you should stay the course with the decision you’ve made. You showed self-respect, and that’s what makes winners, win.

They have a name: "Dicktease." And the second issue, you’re right it depends on the situation and in this situation we have an "ex-boyfriend" and an "ex-girlfriend" putting herself into a situation that could easily have led to inappropriate behavior".

Nothing had to happen, that’s the whole point the OP is making. The mere act of choosing to put herself into a position of temptation by being in close proximity in a private setting with someone she previously was dating previously was not appropriate and it was disrespectful. And any excuse like "I had a nightmare, or I was cold, I was lonely, blah blah" is unacceptable, because she faired just fine every other night when he wasn’t there.

Those of us with experience aren’t naive to this fact. Even the nicest person with good intentions can fall into temptation. So "don’t put yourself into situations that can lead to that possibility to begin with."

Let’s not even forget a little child was the one who informed the OP, not the girlfriend. Another redflag.
I think you made a good decision. I know some guys that try to say "nothing happened, I have slept in the same bed as my cousin, did I do something with her ?" bla blah blah.

I even got the same line as you when I found out this guy I was seeing (25) slept in the same bed as his little female friend (15) on numerous occasions. And!! Found out that they kissed ‘just once’ because they were both drunk. And of course whenever I voiced my concern I would get the silent treatment. Fuckin bullshit.

like wtf ?

Either way I hope you find a nice girl !!

Were you born yesterday or something? If she slept in some dude’s bed and didn’t tell him about it something happened

so if i pretend to be gay, you won’t care if i sleep with your girl?

If we knew you well and were certain that you’re gay, that you’ve been known to go to gay clubs and pick up guys, and that you’re indeed a sub power bottom, then no, I wouldn’t care.
there are one of two things going on

the girl is that dense (dump her)

or

the girl is that power/attention/sex hungry (dump her)

/thread
good job, just keep on going.

Something may or may not have happened, but she hid it from you which shows she knew what she did wasn’t smart/right/acceptable/etc. Either way don’t dwell on wondering if something did or didn’t happen. What you know did happen was completely unacceptable, and that’s all that matters.

Spot on.

Making the choice to be in a faithful relationship means you’re also making the choice to not put yourself in bad situations. If bad situations still give you a thrill and/or sound tempting/fun to do, then you shouldn’t be making the choice to be in a relationship at that time, which she should of realized and told him.

I already addressed this point. If nothing happened, it still wouldn’t have been worth bringing it up because of the potential for shit to start flying — and if nothing happened, and she did in fact think he’d take it the wrong way, then I’d say she was right to keep it on the down-low.

Something "did" happen.

"If nothing did happen" it doesn’t matter. Still, for me, this is unacceptable when she lets an ex sleeps in her room and bed together more than once.
If she thinks that you’re that stupid, let her know that you are way too dumb to be with her. Do not call, do not respond, delete from all social networks, phones, etc
good job breaking it off like an adult and not crumbling like a whipped fool.
Wow man that really sucks. It’s also kinda bad that she says that nothing happened and all that stuff yet, she tried to keep it from you? No man. I’m sorry that that had to happen to you. But yeah, lemme reassure you that you did the right thing. To do something like that you have to be a little off to think that your bf is going to be okay with you sharing a bed with your ex.
I should get over it but I’ve been depressed the last week and still feeling down.
Of course, its someone you cared for. Just chill about feeling a bit down, it is a normal reaction. Anyways, anything you like to do that keeps you easily busy?

thats only natural, just keep in mind that if you did stay with her, worse things could happen, you want to be with someone who already has these understandings

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