how to you deal with aggressive/violent people?

Earlier today we were playing a 3 on 3 basketball game. The guy I was guarding was a good player and he liked to charge the hoop and make layups. I would basically guard him more aggressively while he was charging the hoop and he couldn’t make his layups because of it. Pretty soon he started getting pissed off and one time after I stood too close to him he nudged me with his elbow and pushed me back. I didn’t say anything to him until he did it again. All I did was look at him and say "hey, cmon man?" and he said "well then stop fucking fouling me." The rest of the game I didn’t guard him as aggressively since he had a short fuse and I didn’t know what he would do.

At this point you basically have 2 options. Either escalate the situation to a fight because he just physically made an aggressive move on you and you have to stand up for yourself, or you can just back down to avoid the confrontation. I read all these "guides" on OT that the nice guy always avoids the confrontation and I don’t want to come off as some spineless wimp. At the same time, I don’t want to fight someone over something as stupid as this. I’ve been in these situations before and when you get 2 aggressive people like that and one of them escalates the situation then the other will follow suite and there WILL be a fight.

So my questions are: where do you draw the line? When do you walk away? How do you send a message that you won’t tolerate being pushed around without actually fighting someone?

THIS IS A GUY ONLY QUESTION!

Because women don’t understand the machismo mind OR play basketball with overly aggressive people.
Being the better man might make you look like a ‘pussy’ to the tough guys, but they have the anger problem that probably affects many of their personal relationships, not you.

Just be the better guy and back off.
Ugh I hate players like that…

Personally I just keep going by doing little annoying things or make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t know I do it for my own self enjoyment but when I drive people over the edge they get fed up and just walk away. I’m a pretty big guy so I think I can get away with this type of abuse…

If I was in your situation I would have just kept the ball from their team for as long as I can and when they start saying something, do a halfcourt shot (it fucking ANNOYS them when you make it). Make gay innuendos. Seriously, don’t let shit talkers and players like that ruin the game for you. You ruin it for them. Most of the time when I’m in pickups with friends and we come across a group like that, we flip the switch and start fucking around. Don’t give them the satisfaction like you’re trying, just clown. I’d like to learn to whistle the Harlem Globe Trotters theme but I can’t whistle.

If it starts to get real bad just get ahead by one point, declare yourselves the winner, and walk away.
you can’t allow your opponent to physically intimidate you in this manner

you should have continued to guard him the same way, and make him change his strategy if he wants to score

Ugh I hate players like that…

Personally I just keep going by doing little annoying things or make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t know I do it for my own self enjoyment but when I drive people over the edge they get fed up and just walk away. I’m a pretty big guy so I think I can get away with this type of abuse…

If I was in your situation I would have just kept the ball from their team for as long as I can and when they start saying something, do a halfcourt shot (it fucking ANNOYS them when you make it). Make gay innuendos. Seriously, don’t let shit talkers and players like that ruin the game for you. You ruin it for them. Most of the time when I’m in pickups with friends and we come across a group like that, we flip the switch and start fucking around. Don’t give them the satisfaction like you’re trying, just clown. I’d like to learn to whistle the Harlem Globe Trotters theme but I can’t whistle.

If it starts to get real bad just get ahead by one point, declare yourselves the winner, and walk away.

you can’t allow your opponent to physically intimidate you in this manner

you should have continued to guard him the same way, and make him change his strategy if he wants to score

that’s basically the question. I backed off because the guy wasn’t very level headed. And I can’t decide if it’s worth getting into a fight over something dumb like this. You say it’s worth it?
Ugh that’s why I hate basketball. Such a bullshit sport. Someone always crying about something.

thanks for stating the obvious

you can’t allow your opponent to physically intimidate you in this manner

you should have continued to guard him the same way, and make him change his strategy if he wants to score

if he wants to escalate it into a fight let him go to jail for it. Or you can kick his ass and then claim self defense

hmmm maybe not but I definitely wouldn’t be playing basketball with the guy again.
He got what he wanted….you backed off and then he was able to do what he wanted more. It’s a known tactic in sports.

This was likely a friendly type game as opposed to a paid job. If that’s correct then yeah, I think fighting over something like this is a joke and absolutely unacceptable. If you’re at a local gym and you fight, they might revoke you membership. If it’s a paid gig, you could use this against him…..and continue to piss him off and get him to throw a punch and get booted from the game….just be sure to duck.

There are thing in life that are totally worth fighting over. Basketball games? OMFG!! You can’t be serious here? uh the answer is NO…it’s not worth it.

You said, "… I don’t want to come off as some spineless wimp…." This is all about your ego. I’ve seen ego get more people in trouble than anything. Nothing about whether or not you fought this guy has any bearing on your life. It won’t help you get a better job (unless you want a tough guy job), it won’t help you make friends (unless you want to be accepted as a tough guy), and it certainly won’t help you get laid….oh wait….it may help with getting laid but that’s a different thread.

hmmm maybe not but I definitely wouldn’t be playing basketball with the guy again.

Exactly….this is the long term solution. Just find other people to play with, people that don’t keep it all in perspective.
Tell him if he’s fouling you then he needs to CALL IT. Let him look like a pussy in front of everyone for calling foul everytime he gets the ball.

if you think he’s crazy enough to do you harm, quit the game

i would quit the game before i would alter my style of defense
Considering it’s just a game, and not at any place you paid for the time/usage…I would not waste my time with someone who wanted to be like that.

If a guy wants to be an idiot, fine, he can do it by himself…I’ve got better things to do than enable idiots.
I would keep playing and not change up my defensive style. If he says its a foul, he has to call it so everyone can hear it, otherwise its legit.

Honestly if a person is a dick player like that, in my group of friends we just do not ask them back to play with us.

I recently had someone start something with me over a game, I kept my cool and he flipped out. In the end he just made himself look like a huge asshole to everyone and when he wanted to play again next week. The group just told him we had enough players.
I love when players assume you’re fouling them when they can’t play against good defense

No, because the way a woman deals with an aggressive man is totally inappropriate for another man to employ.

Cry about equality all you want, but men and women aren’t the same and they never will be.

easiest solution in that scenario. getting into a physical altercation over it is silly, but no need to back down either. play your game and if he thinks its a foul, let him call it and proceed from there. after he calls foul a couple of times, some of the other people playing will either tell you to back down or tell the other guy to stop being a pussy.

when to fight, walk away, diffuse the situation, etc. will depend greatly on the what scenario is playing out. this seems like a diffuse the situation type of scenario. use humor or peer pressure.

No, because the way a woman deals with an aggressive man is totally inappropriate for another man to employ.

Cry about equality all you want, but men and women <snip> receive different lots in life.</snip>

.
the other day i came out of my new apartment, asked a random guy a question about something.

he was about 4 inches taller than me and overweight but not fat. at least 285 pounds. i’m 5"9 at about 140, so he was twice my mass.

after i got his advice he then came back a second later. he put a massive paw on my shoulder and held it there while explaining that he had weed available.

i just acted like it was friendly. i acted like he was being affectionate in the way certain guys are physically affectionate towards each other despite being straight & American*.

* (physical affection being borderline weird for some straight males in our country)

he told me he also had a club down the street. so far, so friendly. then he asked me which bell I was. I thought that was creepy. I also didn’t really get what he was asking, or wasn’t sure. he repeated the question. given that he saw the door I had come out of, there was something non-factual about his question, like he was asking the question more to get an answer from me than to learn something. i told him which bell i was. his arm was on me the whole time.

he said he’d see me around… walked off, told me "it’s cool, i’ll be back. i’ll back," he said. "i’ll be back."

the whole thing had a vague hint of joking-menace.

the reason it’s completely different for girls is because their given PHYSICAL role is the Protected, and it is socially appropriate for girls to behave as if they are (PHYSICALLY speaking) the Protected, and to shame a man who treats them with physical threat, by acting huffy, fed up, miffed, and whatnot. sure, it’s not a physical win, but it’s GIVEN that no physical win is possible, and almost BECAUSE of that, it’s a win. "wtf are you doing? get your mitts off me, I can’t defend myself against you, so shame on you!" that’s the subtext.

it’s different for guys because that’s not the role we are given. in fact, playing that role would be really weird and bizarre for a straight, American male.

and yet, escalating to a fight – the opposite approach – makes you the loser in a million ways, too. for one thing, you might lose the fight. for another thing, the injuries are not payment for anything useful because you get nothing significantly positive out of it.

ultimately, i think the only thing i could have done was to shake it off…

yeah, the guy’s bigger than me, but we knew that already without him actually going ahead and proving it like he wanted to shove my shit in my face.

dorky, ego-feeding malevolence – there’s not much i can do about it.

the important thing is that it doesn’t translate into how hot the girls i fuck are vs. how hot the girls he fucks are. in this day and age, it’s the survival of the smoothest. and if it’s clear that there’s nothing i can do about it, and he’s just being malevolent… his social value plummets. this is where his gf, had he one, walks off in a huff because "he’s doing it again." so let him put on his ridiculous little show.

i guess i just recognize when someone can have their way with me physically. then, if they feel the need to shove that in my face, something which was obvious without them even doing so, i just recognize that that is retarded, and that that is just the way it is. so just being friendly and taking a "this too shall pass" approach seems like the right answer.

i think there’s a zen to it that i need to learn.

there are also martial arts, but i’m not sure it’s worth the time commitment to me.
i didnt read the entire thread but from what i’ve encountered its much better when they start getting physical to start getting logical. turn it into a debate instead of a fight, in general the dudes that look for fights like that arent the brightest.

that would work for me in any other context.

all my ability to verbalize logic vanishes as soon as there is a confrontation of this sort.

that would work for me in any other context.

all my ability to verbalize logic vanishes as soon as there is a confrontation of this sort.

thats how i was growing up. i was an honor student but i had a crazy mean streak and turned into the hulk everytime someone picked on me. all logic went out the window and i’d just start swinging. then as I got older and went from being 5’1" in my freshman year to 6’2" my senior year, kids kinda stopped picking on me and i just didnt have to fight anymore. now when i ride my bike and get shit from drivers i tend to just throw a witty comment their way.. only time i actually turn into the hulk anymore is when a driver tries to purposely run me off the road or hurt me.

if you think he’s crazy enough to do you harm, quit the game

i would quit the game before i would alter my style of defense

Funny thing is….watch UFC. Some of the most bad ass dudes on there are amazingly normal when they are out of the ring….not crazy nor do they often act aggressive.

If someone picks a fight with them…they’re in for a rude surprise.

I don’t know if I agree with this exactly, but my approach would’ve been "I’m fouling you because that’s the fucking point of the game. Stop acting like I’m doing it because I don’t like you; I’m just doing my job as a guard." I think it’s a similar approach to what you’re talking about.
Don’t let him scare you, he just wants to get in your head. I played against a guy who couldn’t post me up to save his life, he was pathetic. As he tried to come up to knock a post feed away from me, his face ran into my hand and he said I was garbage. He kept talking shit so I just laughed at him. Went down the court, hit a jump shot. Asked him who is garbage. He went down and tried to answer but I gave him no room to breath. Went down again and posted him up and hit a hook shot over him. Repeated this again. Then again. Then the next 2 times I did it over some possible future college basketball player, some 6’8" kid. I just looked at that guy after I hit my 6th straight shot and started running my mouth.

When people try to play aggressive with me because im 6’5" 190, I play back even more aggressive. I can’t be pushed around as easily as you think.

And the ironic part, is I don’t think you could find a rec ball player with a shorter temper than I have.

Like I said, don’t hit anyone over a game of basketball. Not even I would consider that route. But talk back, run your mouth, tell him he isn’t Lebron James and that he can’t get away with 5 step travels every time down the court and to work on his ability to create a shot without having to push off. The fact you did nothing made him the better player on the court that day in his own mind. You need to set his ass straight by running your mouth just as much and continuing to play aggressive.
some days i like to show up a little later than normal, scout the loudest talker from the team i am about to play, and i’ll pick him up on defense. i like to tell him before hand that he isn’t about to score anything. then he laughs. then he realizes that you probably need to have a scholly someone in order to actually get open on me.

One kid laughed at me. In the middle of the game told me he hopes I have good endurance. I told him I hope he has a scholly to Kentucky. At the end of the game, I had only 2…3 points, he had 0. Game before he had about 5….6. He came up to me later, patted me on the back and says "god damn white boy you were right. good defense."

Being the better man might make you look like a ‘pussy’ to the tough guys, but they have the anger problem that probably affects many of their personal relationships, not you.

Just be the better guy and back off.

.

A scholarship is an award of access to an institution, or a financial aid award for an individual student scholar, for the purpose of furthering their education. Scholarships are awarded based on a range of criteria which usually reflect the values and purposes of the donor or founder of the award.

AKA, this man never paid for a book or living expenses a day in his college life

aha. so is a scholarship related in any way to a scholly?

thats me being lazy and not wanting to type it out in full

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.