Getting past anxiety, and opiates…

I have posted a couple times in here before, but mostly lurked. I have several problems, and really need some help. I have a horrible anxiety problem – I am on 6mg of Klonopin a day, and still have major panic attacks. I’ve been in therapy on and off for 20+ years and none of them have helped. The only time in the last 15 or so years when I wasn’t stricken with panic was when I was in relationship. Well, my mom didn’t like her and thought she was using me for money. My mom also thought she was mentally and emotionally abusive to me. I don’t know what to think. I am just very resentful that my mom broke up our engagement. I really don’t think I have dealt with a lot of it.

The second issue is that I have a wicked addiction to pain killers. They dull the pain in my head and make things easier to do. The problem with that is the drugs keep me in a state where I am zoned out most of the time. I have tried several times to get off the painkillers, and crashed and burned. I am thinking of going to a detox center to get off the oxys.

Does anyone have some ideas on how to deal with this over whelming panic? I have been on every drug imaginable and they all have horrible side effects.

If anyone has ideas or places to do for treatment of anxiety, PM me or post please… thanks
What makes your anxiety worse? I’m sure over 20 years, you’ve gotten a grip on something or another that "causes" worse panic attacks. Also, whats your diet like?
My diet is pretty normal… i don’t smoke and only drink maybe once every 3 or 4 months. As far as what triggers my anxiety, i know what it is… when i am not in control of a situation, it makes me panic. Also, and probably more so, the fear of rejection in any for scares the shit out of me. I have terrible self esteem, and occasionally cut. The problem i have with therapists is twofold. First, i am one, i have a Master in social work, and second i am very intelligent and can think faster than they can. I need a therapist who can almost out-think me, if that makes any sense.

I really don’t think I have dealt with a lot of it.

Therapist > drugs

How old r u?

When you were younger, how was your relationship with your parents? friends? Do you ever remembed a time that you weren’t in control of a situation and you might have been physically hurt, emotionally let down, etc? Were your parents control freaks? Did they demonstrate, even in a lesser form, any similar behaviours? I’ve come to learn that anxiety and panic are almost our bodies own ways of not letting go of the past, and then associating most if not all similar situations with maybe 1 or 2 from the past in order to avoid having the same negative results. example:

I used to witness my dad jumping away from people sneezing and making a big deal about it. We could NEVER walk in a hotel room without our slippers (which would be thrown away after our trip) because we would get warts from other people. Our meat would always be just about charred to avoid bacteria. If I was caught playing with a frog, I would be grounded because they give people warts. I could NEVER be barefoot. never. I could NEVER walk outside in my socks. Well, fast forward 20 years, and now I have anxiety, panic attacks, and severe hypochondria. I am constantly worrying about my health, I cover my mouth if someone else sneezes or coughs. At work, if I’m walking around and someone ahead of me sneezes, I’ll change routes through the store to avoid that area. I’m obsessed with hand sanitizer. I don’t even prepare my own chicken or beef because I’m too afraid of the blood and bacteria. When I go out and eat, I have to inspect my meat to make sure there is NO red at all. Basically, I’ve taken when I’ve learned from my dad, and increased the volume in my own life. Mine didn’t even occur during an "event." It was just how I was taught in my home life. Germs are bad. They give you warts and disease. Now, I believe that and am worse than my dad was.

That is why I like therapy, because as odd as it sounds, I NEVER made the connection to that until I was in week 4 or 5 of therapy. It was so obvious, but I didn’t even see it. Try to think back to your childhood. You can really learn alot about who you are.
As everyone else said, therapy. It has helped me a lot.

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